


Rheotaxis

by the_rck



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captivity, M/M, Rape, Slavery, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-22 03:25:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 190,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rck/pseuds/the_rck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs. Three years after the end of Kapitel, Yohji finds himself facing Schwarz again, this time from inside a prison cell. They offer him a bargain he can't refuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age (I am assuming that he's eighteen but still) combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and to Nakki no miko for beta reading this chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.
> 
> Many years ago, someone (I've forgotten who) asked me to do a DVD commentary on chapter 1 of this story. I got about halfway through the chapter and never finished. I've finally posted what I did get done [here](http://somethingdarker.dreamwidth.org/tag/dvd+commentary).
> 
> 18 August 2015 I've recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. My prognosis is good, and I have both good insurance and access to top notch care, but I'm exhausted and worried and having trouble thinking. I don't expect to write anything for a while. I apologize for that. I particularly apologize to people who are waiting for an update on Rheotaxis. I haven't given up on it. I'm having trouble finding a way into the next chapter, enough so that I'm considering completely handwaving Nagi's time on the capitol planet even though I think it's important. I do have the final chapter of Rheotaxis drafted (I expect it to change quite a bit because I don't know everything that will happen between here and there), however, and I am willing to share that privately with anyone who would prefer that to waiting for me to finally get there.

rhe-o-tax-is// the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Yohji woke with his cheek pressed against a hard, smooth surface. His drool had puddled around his face. _Must've been here a while... Those lights're awfully bright. Did I fall asleep watching tv? No. No noise, and I'd have the lights turned down. Dining room table? No, somebody'd have come through and wakened me before this._ He pushed himself up. _The floor then. Definitely the floor._ He stared for a moment. _But it's the wrong color..._

"Crap." He swiped a hand along his mouth in an effort to dry it. One of his eyes was reluctant to focus, but he could see quite enough to know that he was not at home. _We got no rooms like this._ The walls and the floor were all the same color, just the blue side of white, so that for a second he couldn't quite tell where the walls began. A quick glance revealed surveillance cameras in all four corners, and he reflexively made an obscene gesture at one of them. _This looks very bad... I don't know where this is, but... The lack of windows and general architecture are not promising._

One corner of the room held a brown box-- _Probably cardboard. Anything else would be too damn useful--_ an unscreened toilet, a small sink and what he thought might be a shower head. The floor over there seemed to slope a little toward a dark spot on the floor that was probably a drain.

He dragged himself to his feet. Given his surroundings, he was unsurprised by his nakedness. Stripping a prisoner not only helped prevent unpleasant surprises but also created a definite power dynamic when the naked person faced clothed jailers. _Fortunately, being aware of that makes it a little less effective._ He turned his head, looking around. _Unfortunately, people who set up this sort of thing don't go in for due process. Lack of clothes'll be the least of my problems._

He staggered toward the sink. _How long have I been lying here? My legs... I couldn't fight off Momoe-san's cat right now._ His mouth tasted like the worst morning after he could remember. He pushed desperately at the faucet, braced his upper body against the sink, then lowered his head to let the resulting stream of cold water flow over at least part of his face. He gulped water, gargled and rinsed his mouth. That cleared the fuzz a little. He straightened and splashed water over his face and hair.

There was no mirror, but he took a moment to explore his face and scalp with his fingertips. _No lumps. No splits. Nothing hurts when I touch it, and I definitely need a shave. My earrings're gone, and I don't see my sunglasses anywhere around here._ He sighed. _I wonder what the other guy looks like?_ He sighed again. _I have no damn idea if there even was another guy. I just hope I wasn't stupid enough to take a drugged drink._ He continued inspecting his body and found needle marks on his arms, including a large bruise. _Poorly inserted or abruptly removed i.v. I'm clean, and I smell like antiseptic soap. Not my cologne of choice._

He thought about that while he used the toilet. _I'm not hungry, but I've obviously been out for a while, not just a few hours-- Days? Then somebody else shaved me. My stubble's not that long._ He gave a mental shrug. _Time disorientation. Also effective._ One of his teammates might have an idea as to what drug had been used, but he'd never bothered memorizing that sort of trivia. Whatever had been used had worked and had left him feeling wrung out as he did. _After effects will happen or not._

He knelt to look in the box and found it full of small luxuries. _Toilet paper. Hairbrush. Soap, no scent. Shampoo, no scent. No conditioner. Washcloth. Toothbrush. Toothpaste, a very small tube. No floss._ He grinned just a little at that. _I'd rather have the floss, but I appreciate the acknowledgment of my abilities. Sadly, dental floss is a poor substitute for wire, but... I'll take what I can get._

Finally, he pulled out a shrink wrapped box. _Nicotine patches._ He rocked back on his heels, a bit startled by the discovery. _They, whoever "they" are, know enough about me to know that I smoke_ and _care enough to help me through withdrawal. What the hell? Withdrawal'd put me further off balance._ He considered. _I'd kill for a cigarette._ He smiled and chuckled softly. _Not saying much. I kill for a living. But..._ He hesitated. Then he sighed and picked at the plastic. _Any drugs they want to give me, they can manage without this much trouble._

_Of course, I don't understand why they're doing this. Given my reputation for vanity... Leaving me dirty should work physically_ and _psychologically. They can't know that it isn't altogether true. Can they? Or do they want something I haven't thought of?_

After applying a patch, he brushed his teeth and then his hair. That helped a bit. He began a leisurely tour of the cell. _Not like I've got anything better to do..._ He didn't expect to find anything useful, at least not immediately useful. _But I'll feel like an utter moron-- instead of whatever partial state's indicated by getting caught in the first place-- if I don't look._

The drain was small. _Might be able to get my hand in if I get the cover off._ He shook his head. _No point._ In his experience, drains were slimy and smelly and didn't go anywhere useful short of their final destination. _Not a chance in hell my arms are_ that _long._ He moved on. _I could disassemble the shower head. Probably. It'd be a bludgeon of sorts._ He snorted at the thought. _Plastic'd crack on the first blow; I'd be better off unarmed. Still..._ He took his time over the plumbing. _Call it an inventory of sorts. I need to know what's available if there are opportunities later._

The cameras were beyond his reach. _A jump might let me grab one. I don't know how long the bracing'd hold. Could I? Not bloody likely. It'd be a more effective weapon than the shower head, but..._ He shook his head and looked up at the light. _Not a chance._ Illumination came from a fluorescent tube in a metal cage. _Not even with my best jump, and there's just nothing to grab even if I do get that high._

Small vents opened into the room about eight feet off the floor on three sides of cell. The fourth wall held the door. _The vents're probably a couple of decimeters high and maybe half a meter wide..._ All three were covered with slatted grates the same color as the surrounding wall. One vent blew warm air into the room; the other two seemed inactive. _Want to bet they can't gas me? Yep. No takers here either._

The door held no surprises either. _Definitely a prison cell. If I hadn't noticed the other evidence, this would tell me for sure. Somebody put a lot of money, a lot of thought, into the design._ The door was the same color as the walls and floor. Only a thin line around it set it off from the everything else. _No knob, lock or anything else. It's not meant to be opened from this side. Ever._

As he prowled the room, touching the walls, testing the floor, he thought about the implications. _They're used to having dangerous prisoners. This wasn't built for me or even, more generically, for a member of Weiss. The enemy's big, has to be. Multinational or maybe governmental, with lots of money either way._ The conclusion brought no comfort. His paces told him that the room was larger than he'd expected. _Plenty of room for a workout. I can keep a routine going if I'm here that long._ His steps faltered slightly before he covered for it. _Do I hope for that or not?_

Yohji could almost hear Omi's voice in his head. "If you ever get captured-- And I hope none of you ever will." A brief darkness had passed over the younger man's face as he spoke. Then his face had hardened in a look only those he trusted ever saw. "If you ever do, my rules and only my rules apply. Fuck Kritiker's priorities." Yohji remembered his shock at hearing Omi use obscenity. Yohji'd realized afterward that Omi'd done it deliberately in order to make sure his words made an impression. "Your first priority if you're captured is very simple: Don't die. The second: Don't let your teammates die; protect them if you can. Third: Escape if you can. Fourth: Help your teammates escape. Then, and only then, worry about the mission. You are-- none of you-- replaceable."

_Okay, Omi. I remember. I won't die. I won't hope for it._

Eventually, much sooner than he'd hoped, his body gave out on him. His muscles trembled, and he had to admit that continuing to move might harm him more than sitting. _Admittedly, when I'm sitting, I'm less ready to deal with anything that comes through that door, but I can do damn all if I collapse, and if I reach that point, I won't even be able to think._ His lips thinned as he frowned at the room in general. _My mind's a lot more likely to be useful when that door opens than my body is. Unless they don't know what sort of creature they've caged..._

He settled himself against the wall across from the door. He leaned back against the smooth, almost slick surface and let himself relax. _Just think about your breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Don't think about... Cigarettes. In. Out. Damn, I want a smoke. In. Out._ His fingers curled as if holding a roll of tobacco. Several times, he barely aborted movements to reach and pick up something that simply wasn't there. Finally, he pulled his knees up and used his arms to hold them close to his body. _Moving a hand will unbalance me a bit. Enough, I hope, to keep me still._

His mind wandered in circles. _Did a mission go wrong? Are the other guys searching for me? Are they in cells too? Or worse on slabs in some morgue? Or is this worse... Did somebody set me-- or us-- up? I can't remember anything out of the ordinary. Just another day in the shop, selling flowers, avoiding being the one to make deliveries, bickering over whose turn it was to cook dinner... And avoiding the chore by making everybody remember the disasters I produced in the past. There was that show I wanted to see. I stayed in, but I'd have been better off skipping it. Damn disappointing. Unconvincing actors mangling inoffensive dialog. Went to bed fairly early. The guys were all there, I think._ Once again, he began to reach for a cigarette. He stared at his hand. _Damn it! I know better than this._

_After that, nothing. I don't remember a mission. Not even a briefing. Omi said something about high level meetings for senior Kritiker personnel. Not the sort of thing we're supposed to know about let alone attend. He predicted changes in affiliations, not in operations necessarily or in goals, but... Does this have something to do with that?_

He smiled. _I do know a few things an interrogator might find useful. All things I'm not supposed to know, of course, the results of paying attention and poking at things Weiss isn't supposed to notice._ He and his teammates had come to a tacit agreement some time back that they were better off knowing more of what was going on than their handlers would ever let slip. _We keep careful track of who's watching and why, picking the faces we show Kritiker._ He leaned his head back against the wall. _Being Balinese has actually been fun... As carefully choreographed a performance as what I do for the customers in the shop. Deceiving Kritiker's easier, I think._

They'd all asked for additional training with an eye toward covering the team's weak spots and, they'd hinted, toward making sure they had skills useful to Kritiker when they became too old or too senior for their current tasks. Kritiker encouraged a certain level of "appropriate ambition;" most field agents didn't end up achieving those ambitions, but having them meant staying focused on the organization's goals. They'd all played along when training inevitably became tests of their loyalty to Kritiker. In a way, they were constantly engaged in the toughest deep cover mission that any of them had ever undertaken. _Can't afford to break character..._

He let those thoughts chase around in his head for a while, obscuring his real worries. _Damn, I wish I had a cigarette... Just one damn cigarette. That's all I ask. I think better when I'm smoking. Something to play with and watch while my thoughts slip into new patterns. An odor that doesn't remind me that I'm screwed. Not my sweat. Not antiseptic. Not this damn plastic._ He closed his eyes. _Whatever's coming will come..._

He awoke some indeterminate time later, grateful to be roused by pressure in his bladder. His dreams had been unpleasant. _Disembodied hands grasping at me, holding me down. Screaming... I recognized the voice, but... My own wire, wrapped around me... All in Technicolor._ He shook his head to dispel the images as he got up to deal with the physical problem. He drank more water. _I ought to be hungry, but my stomach's still quiet. Does that mean it's given up protesting?_ He returned to his spot opposite the door and lay down. _If I'm going to sleep, I might as well do it right._

If he dreamed again, he didn't remember it afterward except as a sense of wrongness, but he woke to find himself sprawled several feet from the wall. _Damn! I only move like that when I start fighting in my sleep. Least this time I didn't have anybody sleeping next to me._ He got up, brushed his hair, drank more water, then showered. He forced himself to sing as he rubbed soap over his body. _Everything I do's on camera; might as well give 'em a show._ As he washed, he discovered to his surprise that the bruises on his arms had disappeared entirely. _I thought they were worse than that... How long was I asleep? Was I hallucinating or were they part of one of my dreams? They should have stuck around for days before they faded. I can't possibly have been asleep_ that _long!_

In response to an almost unbearable craving for a smoke, he replaced the nicotine patch he was wearing. _I thought these damn things were supposed to make this easier!_ He sighed. _It's just not the same. I want a cigarette, to hold it, to bring it to my lips and inhale, to... At least, it'd be something to do._ He paced a bit and debated working out. _I have the energy, and I want-- no-- need to use it. But they still haven't fed me... My energy'll last longer if I hoard it. Oh, fuck it. They can wait me out regardless. I might as well have some fun._

He started with stretches, working the kinks out of his muscles, then moved on to more complicated and athletic movements. _It's not the same without a partner, without my wire, but..._ He kept at it and managed to work up a sweat. Some things felt odd without any clothing, but gradually, he lost himself in the routine, forgetting where he was and who might be watching.

Some time later, he showered again. _There seems to be plenty of hot water, so there's no point staying sweaty._ He still hadn't come up with any answers to the question of how he'd ended up in this cell. _The last thing I remember is stumbling to bed after that show, a bit of bsing with the guys and a few too many beers. Anyone pulling me out of there'd have to get past the security system, the rest of the team and my vigilance. It's almost easier to think I've forgotten the mission that went wrong._

_Almost._

He settled himself opposite the door with his back to the wall again. After a few moments, he found himself fidgeting with his hands, trying to find something to do with them. _Damn, I need a cigarette!_

Having no better idea, he started building himself the mental image of a cigarette. _Pull the pack from a pocket and tap one cylinder out. Put the pack on the floor next to me and pick up the lighter._ He closed his eyes to better preserve the tactile illusion. _Light the cigarette._ He could almost feel the slight flare of heat as the tobacco caught. _Set the lighter down._ He lifted his hand to his lips and took a drag.

_No smoke in my lungs, no rush from the nicotine. Well, I can live with that. I have to._ He went through the motions of an introspective smoke before finally flicking away the imaginary butt and reaching for the pack to extract another.

He'd gone through half a pack when he heard the first sound. It was just the merest click from the door or perhaps from behind it. He focused his attention fully on the door but forced himself to remain visibly relaxed. _Unless I'm rescued or they make a mistake, I can't win this war, but I can show well in a skirmish or two. It's all I've got. Attitude, it's all about attitude._

As the door opened, swinging outward, he wished more than ever for a real cigarette. _It's so much easier to play the attitude with the props to help, and I don't even fucking have clothes._

_Since that's the point, I might as well not think about it._ He flicked imaginary ash from his imaginary cigarette, focusing on the rhythm of the smoke. _You're getting nothing from me._

The door revealed a small antechamber, and he felt his hopes flicker a little further. _Closed door on the other side. No mechanism for opening it from the inside either. These people are damned paranoid. About the size of an elevator and monitored too. Only way I'm getting out is with help from the outside. Well, or a fucking miracle..._

He looked at the two men standing just inside the newly opened door. _I should be surprised to see them, but it's too fucking much trouble._ He nodded once. "Crawford." A drag on his cigarette. "I suppose I should thank you for the patches. An unexpected courtesy." _Why the hell couldn't they stay gone? My life was just fine without Schwarz, thank you._

The other man stopped a few feet inside the cell and regarded Yohji steadily for a moment. "Balinese." His voice was uninflected.

Crawford stepped slightly to one side to allow his companion to advance. _Naoe's grown. A given, I suppose, at his age. More height, more bulk. How long has it been since I saw him last? No real point thinking about it._ The door swung shut once Naoe had cleared the doorway. _Even without his powers, he looks like he could hold his own in a fight. What the hell's in that?_ Yohji tried not to stare at the heavy looking black briefcase Naoe carried.

Yohji leaned his head back against the wall. Naoe didn't seem to be exerting himself yet, but... _I'm sure it's just a matter of time, and I sure as hell don't want far to go when I end up pressed to the wall._ "Naoe," Yohji said, letting his cigarette hand fall to his knee.

Naoe nodded an acknowledgment, but Yohji judged that the boy had most of his attention on Crawford. _Well, that's where I'd put my attention if I were him. But he looks... anxious. What-- No. I don't even want to think about it._

Yohji let his eyes wander a little, trying to give the impression of nonchalance. _I don't think I'm fooling anybody._ Almost reflexively, he ground out his imaginary cigarette.

He wasn't at all surprised to feel the sudden pressure of Naoe's power pushing him against the wall. An invisible band wrapped his throat, just tight enough that an effort to move would choke him. His instinct was to rip at the obstruction or at least to lower his chin to try to get it between the pressure and his vulnerable throat. _Like hell I will!_

Instead, he raised his chin a little higher and looked directly at Naoe. Yohji told himself that his bravado bought him a victory when their eyes met and Naoe looked away. Yohji's eyes shifted back to meet Crawford's. Yohji suppressed the urge to flinch, to snarl, to babble, and kept his face blank. _I won't give you that._

Crawford smiled, and Yohji felt ice in his guts. "Don't worry too much, Balinese. We're not here to question you."

Yohji raised an eyebrow and wondered how long he'd be able to keep up the façade once they really started in. He very deliberately kept both his mind and his eyes from touching on the briefcase.

Cool amusement colored Crawford's voice. "We're not here to torture you, either. There's nothing you have that we haven't already gotten elsewhere."

Yohji's right hand clenched till his nails dug into his flesh, but he gave no other response.

Crawford walked a little further into the room, moving at a slight angle and stopping far enough from Naoe that Yohji could no longer quite track them both at once. "Kritiker's so eager to get into bed with our new employer that they gave us their files _and_ Weiss without blinking." Crawford paused and pushed his glasses up even though, as far as Yohji could tell, they hadn't slipped at all.

_No!_ Yohji refused to let his reaction show on his face, but he knew he'd tensed for just a second. _But it's possible... Naoe believes it. Crawford's too careful with his body language. I can't--_

"Of course, I have the impression that certain people thought that Weiss might be getting _ideas_. A very dangerous thing, killers who think."

_Well, I suppose I shouldn't expect Crawford to follow my script._ Yohji let that flicker of amusement slip through his mask and nursed it into a smile. "You want _something_. You'd let me rot otherwise." _Assuming you didn't just put a bullet through my skull..._

Crawford paced forward. "I always want something, Balinese. Always." He stopped a few steps from where Yohji sat and reached a hand in Naoe's direction. The briefcase floated into Crawford's grasp, and he set it down on the floor. Yohji continued to keep his eyes on Crawford's face. "You are, all of Weiss is, a valuable commodity."

_No._ "No," Yohji said, his voice sounding oddly hollow even to himself. "I won't kill for you. No."

Crawford went down on one knee and laid the briefcase flat in front of him. "Yes, you will. Oh, not now. Not for quite some time. But it will happen. And once it does, you'll wonder what the fuss was about." He popped the catch and opened the briefcase. He looked directly at Yohji and smiled. "Today's... proposition... is simpler."

Yohji's mind seemed to be trying to follow a dozen different lines of thought. _So damn sure... A vision? What's in the briefcase? I don't want to know. If he wanted information wouldn't he have brought Schuldig? At least the psycho's not here. What does he want? Playing with me... Sadistic bastard._

Crawford kept the upper half of the briefcase perpendicular to the floor, very deliberately obscuring Yohji's view of what lay within. "And it is a proposition. You're free to say no. If you do, we'll move on to one of the others, but I think… You're better suited to this than Bombay or Abyssinian, and Siberian is currently indisposed."

_Indisposed? Ken!_ Yohji forced his expression to remain neutral. _What the hell have they done to Ken? God, Ken, can't you think things through? Tell me you didn't do anything stupid._

Crawford cocked his head a little to one side, and Yohji thought the American's amusement increased. "Basically, we've been teaching Nagi a few things he needs to know to get ahead in the world, and we've gone as far as we can with the books. It's time for the lab course."

Yohji let his eyes stray to Naoe and was surprised to see that the boy looked embarrassed. _What are they going to have him do to me?_

"Nagi's been studying human sexuality and its uses as a tool in dealing with people. He's worked with a couple of women we… acquired, and he has had experience as uke--"

Naoe must have seen Yohji's assumption on his face. He interrupted his commander, "Not Schwarz. Before… Just not Schwarz."

"Pedophilia is one of the perversions our current employer frowns on," Crawford said dryly. "If any of us had indulged in that particular… unpleasantness, Nagi'd be the only surviving member of Schwarz."

"No," Naoe responded. "You'd still be alive. You'd just wish you weren't." He met Yohji's eyes. "You weren't _my_ first choice for this, but…" He shrugged. "A body's a body."

_This is just wrong on so many levels._ Yohji opened his mouth to protest then realized he had nothing to say. He blinked. "How is this a choice?" The words slipped out before he could stop them. _Balinese, the man Kritiker thinks I am, could do this. Can I?_

Crawford regarded him steadily and closed the briefcase. "If you say no, Nagi and I leave."

"If you say no," Naoe said, "it'll be Bombay." His eyes darted sideways at Crawford. "You have skills that might be helpful if you're cooperative; he doesn't." Naoe shrugged. "It'll be Bombay. Siberian's too badly injured, and Abyssinian…"

Yohji found himself wondering what lay behind Naoe's expression. The boy-- no, young man-- seemed to be working to mask his opinions. "Siberian?" Yohji asked while he tried to keep his mind away from the thought of Omi as sex toy.

"He resisted capture rather strenuously."

_Is that admiration in Crawford's voice?_ Yohji wasn't sure.

"He has several broken bones. He'll heal."

Yohji closed his eyes. "What's in it for me?" _I'm going to do this. I don't want to do this._

"What do you want?" Crawford's voice was gentle. "We won't-- can't-- let you, any of you, go, and I won't give you cigarettes."

Yohji let amusement leak into his words. "There go my first two requests." He opened his eyes. "I want to see them all," he stated. "That's not negotiable." His lips quirked. "I wouldn't object to a few amenities, luxuries like food and bedding. The place is a little bare. Oh, and conditioner. And scented soap." _Yes, add a few frivolous items..._ "A cup."

A small noise from Naoe startled Yohji into looking at him. Yohji thought it might have been amusement. He hoped so. _A sense of humor might make this bearable. Assuming Crawford's even telling the truth..._

Crawford cleared his throat. "As it happens, I anticipated your request to see the others."

_Yeah, Crawford, we're all of us predictable that way._

"If you'll settle for a remote viewing, we can deal with it now."

Yohji looked at the American and could almost hear the subtext. _Settle or do without. He won't give me more._ "If that's all I can get."

Crawford nodded and let the upper half of the briefcase fall to the floor. He pulled out a brown box about the size of a backgammon set. He put it on the floor and pushed it toward Yohji. "Nagi," Crawford said in a voice of command.

Yohji felt the pressure on his body release and reached for the box. It had a flat screen and a touchpad. The touchpad had plastic labels stuck on. He didn't recognize the underlying symbols.

"The power button's on the left side," Crawford told him. "You'll get static until you give it a destination. Who do you want first?"

Yohji shifted position to kneel. He moved very carefully not wanting to look like he was about to try something. Then again, he was half inclined to make the effort. _Getting the crap beaten out of me might keep from thinking about what I'm agreeing to do. I can do this. Who first..._ "Bombay." Omi's codename slipped out before he even realized he'd made a decision. He pushed the power button and waited.

"435 enter," Crawford said as the screen fuzzed with gray light.

Yohji typed the three digits carefully. The screen resolved into a color image. Omi lay curled up in a corner of a cell that appeared identical to Yohji's. Omi was naked and seemed to be sleeping. He'd laid out his toiletries within easy reach. _I bet he plans to throw them if he's threatened. Good for him._

He looked up at Crawford. "You been feeding him?" Seeing his friend that way disturbed him, so he let an edge slip into his tone.

"Actually, yes," Crawford replied. "We had to drug him to get the cutlery back. That's why he's sleeping."

Yohji studied the American carefully, searching for clues as to his intentions. _I can't read him. I don't know what he's thinking._ Yohji looked down at the screen and stared at it for a moment, trying to memorize details. "What happens to him now?"

Crawford shrugged infinitesimally. "I haven't decided how to approach that question yet. This is harder on him than on the rest of you."

"You might try giving him some fucking clothes." The venom in his own quiet words startled Yohji. He looked away from Crawford and Naoe, letting his eyes rest on the drain in the floor. "If you don't plan to question us, what's the point in torturing him?" He brought his attention back and pinned Naoe with a glare. _The boy-- No, man. Naoe's old enough to take responsibility for his actions. I wouldn't call Omi a boy anymore. Well, not unless I'm trying to annoy him._

Yohji let the glare soften just a little and straightened his back. "It is torture. Never doubt that." His lips twisted.

Naoe's expression became uncertain, and he looked toward Crawford who simply shrugged.

"And never doubt," Yohji went on, the words getting away from him, "that whatever happens between you and me will be rape. Even if you're kind, even if you offered me an illusion of choice, anything in this cell..." His stomach twisted. _I shouldn't have said that. Thank god I haven't eaten recently. I didn't want to think about that._

Naoe's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to protest but didn't speak.

"He's right." Crawford nodded and then smiled thinly at Yohji. "That's the kind of insight we're hiring you to give him."

Yohji thought that Naoe looked vaguely sick, and he wondered at that. _Had Naoe really not understood? Probably not,_ he admitted. _Probably been too busy being embarrassed._ Yohji almost, almost, felt bad. He addressed Crawford, leaving Nagi to compose himself, "You're not _hiring_ me."

"It has a more pleasant sound than 'coercing' or 'blackmailing,'" the American retorted.

Yohji didn't bother to respond. He straightened his spine. "That's something else I want. Give him clothes, at least a damn blanket; then show me Siberian."

"Very well. Those amenities will, however, have to wait until after I leave here. Is my word sufficient?" Crawford paused and waited until Yohji gave a grudging nod before going on, "1-3 enter."

Ken reclined in a hospital bed. The portion of the mattress under his upper body had been raised so that he was almost sitting. His right leg appeared to be in a cast. His visible flesh bloomed in the greens, yellows and purples of healing bruises. Yohji found himself wincing in sympathy, imagining the beating that could produce such injuries.

Ken had a file folder on his lap. As Yohji watched, Ken flipped a page and light glinted off metal circling his wrist.

"Chains?" Yohji demanded incredulously. "From the look of him, he can barely move!"

Naoe answered this time, "Before we put the chains in place, he kept dragging himself out of bed and as far toward the door as he could manage. The doctors started getting annoyed." Yohji looked at Naoe just in time to see him shrug. "They said drugging him was a bad idea and that he was setting his recovery back."

Ken frowned at what he was reading and flipped the page back. Whatever he read didn't seem to please him more the second time through. Yohji recognized the look from any number of incomplete mission briefings and plans obviously conceived by morons.

"What's he reading?" He tried for a casual tone, hoping that one of them would answer without making him pay for it.

"You'll see the files eventually." Crawford actually sounded amused. "At the moment, Siberian's options for amusement are severely limited, so he's actually learning about our new-- your new-- employers."

"I see." Actually, he didn't but be damned if he'd admit it to Schwarz.

"Abyssinian is 3-0-9-4 enter," Crawford said in the carefully patient tones of a man with better things to do.

Ran stood, leaning against the edge of a desk. Yohji'd almost have called it lounging except that his teammate was obviously in a cold rage. Someone unfamiliar with Ran might not notice the tension in his shoulders or the pressure his hands seemed to be exerting against the surface behind him, but Yohji recognized the signs and was almost glad that he didn't have to deal with Ran directly. _I don't think I could face him being difficult right now. I don't have Omi's patience._

Ran was dressed in his standard street clothing and seemed to be staring intently at something that Yohji couldn't see. Ran raised his left hand and brushed his hair back. As he lowered the hand, his fingers twitched. His lips moved, and he turned his head as if to address someone in the room with him.

Yohji's eyes widened a little, but he manage to suppress any other reaction. A tug on the earlobe meant "I hear you." The finger twitch had produced Weiss' code for "I see you." The gestures were not normally all that subtle, intended for stealth by silence more than anything else.

_So, there's someone in the room with him. Someone I can't see who he'd rather doesn't know that signals were passing._ "Why does he have clothes?" The words emerged with more of a whine than he'd intended, but he thought that that might hide his sudden increase in tension. He brushed his own hair back but carefully didn't touch his ear then twitched his own fingers. _**I don't hear you, but I see you, Abyssinian.**_

"His sister insisted," Naoe interjected before Crawford could respond.

"Nagi!" Crawford sounded angry and embarrassed. Yohji was startled to see a tinge of pink suffuse the American's cheeks.

"Aya-chan?" Yohji knew he sounded stupid, but he couldn't help himself. He gaped at Crawford for a second then glanced back at the screen to see Ran's reaction.

Hands moved. _**Hostage.**_ Ran sighed then signaled in broader gestures. _**Schwarz. Schuldig. I've been compromised. Guard Bombay.**_

Yohji looked at Crawford again. The American had recovered from his brief and, to Yohji at least, inexplicable embarrassment. "Hand signals?" Crawford raised an eyebrow. "Quaint."

"You utter bastard." Yohji hunched down, trembling a little with the effort to curb his desire to attack. He wasn't sure which was worse, the realization that Schwarz had Aya-chan or the realization that Ran had heard him agree to be Naoe's fuck toy. _There's no way he'll understand... No, he'll understand that decision. He won't understand my surviving after. It's not honorable by his code. Why'd it have to be_ him _watching?_

Naoe laughed softly. "Wait till you hear--"

"Nagi!" There was genuine anger in Crawford's tone. "Enough!"

"Afraid, Crawford?" Yohji drawled. "Let him finish; I'm curious." He glanced at Naoe and realized that the two of them were briefly united in the desire to make Crawford miserable. Naoe's expression had a nasty edge that Yohji found frightening. _Christ, and I've agreed to sleep with him._

Crawford pushed up his glasses and glared at Yohji. "The two of you deserve each other," he replied softly. "I wish you the joy of it."

Yohji returned the glare, and Naoe said, "It wasn't _my_ idea. None of it." Crawford and Yohji both looked at him as he went on, "And I won't do it while you're watching."

Crawford and Naoe stared at each other. After a moment, Yohji looked away. The outcome of that fight wouldn't change much for him. Instead, he looked down at the screen again. Schuldig now stood beside Ran. Yohji could almost see the effort Ran was exerting not to attack the red haired telepath.

_**Abyssinian injured?**_ Yohji signaled. He mentally cursed the awkwardness of trying to communicate this way. Their mission shorthand couldn't quite convey what he wanted.

Ran scowled for a second then responded. _**No injury. Balinese?**_

__  
**No injury. Siberian?**   


__  
**Injured. Down.**   


__  
**Bombay?**   


Ran hesitated for just a moment. He frowned. Schuldig said something, and Ran shrugged angrily. _**No injury.**_

Yohji frowned in response. _Give me a hint here, Ran!_ _**Bombay?**_ he repeated urgently.

_**No injury.**_ That hesitation again. Then, very quickly, _**Down.**_

Schuldig grabbed Ran's shoulder and spun him so that they stood face to face.

Yohji brought his fist down on his thigh in frustration. _Damn! What's he trying to tell me? There was something wrong with that picture, but... Think about it later._ He focused his attention on the screen. _Ran risked Schuldig's anger to tell me something. The least I can do is watch what happens. Hm. The German's at least as amused as angry, I think, and Ran's just being Ran. Wish I had sound... And popcorn._ Yohji managed a brief smile. _But that response was almost gentle, at least for Schuldig... Why didn't Schuldig hit him?_

He continued to listen to Crawford and Naoe with half an ear; he'd been certain at the beginning that Crawford would win, but he was interested to note that Naoe seemed to be having some moral qualms about the situation. _Apparently the word "rape" pushes his buttons. Well, good for him._ Yohji couldn't quite keep an edge of sarcasm from his thoughts.

Eventually, Ran turned back to look at Yohji, and Yohji asked another question, _**Hostages?**_

_**Yes.**_ Ran paused for a moment as if trying to figure out his phrasing. _**Reverse.**_

_**Reverse?**_ Yohji wasn't certain what that meant and hesitantly repeated the phrase. Normally, the signal indicated that one of them had found something inaccurate in the briefing or that plans needed to be revised to change the order of actions. _That doesn't make sense..._

_**Hostages reverse.**_ Ran repeated.

_Hostages... Aya-chan... Oh._ Yohji nodded. "Aya-chan's not a hostage for Ran," he said aloud. "Ran's a hostage for her. What the hell do you want from her?" he demanded, interrupting Crawford's lecture to Naoe.

Crawford had risen to his feet while talking to Naoe, and he seemed somehow larger now to Yohji. All expression left Crawford's face as he turned to look at Yohji again.

"You won't like it," Naoe commented.

"She's fine," Crawford said, and for a second Yohji wasn't certain how that was relevant. Then Crawford smiled.

_The bastard looks almost human,_ Yohji thought. _Is he blushing?_

Naoe snorted. "You're besotted," he stated. "It's affecting your judgment."

Yohji watched the interplay, fascinated, as his mind shied away from the inescapable conclusion. "You're-- You're sleeping with Aya-chan?" he blurted, his mouth getting ahead of his mind. In the periphery of his vision, he could see the screen on the floor. At Yohji's words, Schuldig had buried his head in his hands and seemed to be shaking with laughter. Ran glared at the floor.

_So... Not only true but no surprise to Ran. I wonder how long it took him to calm down when he found out..._

"I fail to see what business that is of yours." Crawford's words were precise, armed with sharp edges. He stood up a little straighter and pushed his glasses up on his nose. Naoe laughed quietly, and Crawford shot him a look that silenced him. "I can see that my presence here is no longer required," Crawford went on. "Just a detail or two left. How do you want him, Nagi?"

Yohji's stomach clenched, and he knew he'd flinched visibly.

"I don't think that's really necessary, Crawford-san."

The American shook his head. "It is, and I insist. For now." He turned his eyes to Yohji and explained with a disquieting detachment. "Until certain matters are resolved, you will wear restraints while Nagi is... working with you."

_In other words, until Crawford's certain I won't try to snap the kid's neck or take him hostage._ Yohji kept his expression flat as he nodded, reminding himself that any emotion, any weakness, he showed would be seen by Ran as well. _Oh yes, I understand._

"Since Nagi doesn't care which method we use, you may express a preference, Balinese."

_Oh, I may, may I?_ Yohji suppressed a growl. "What are my options?" he inquired evenly.

"Wrists to ankles." Yohji felt a slight tug on his arms. He flicked his eyes to Naoe's face and saw Naoe nod very slightly. Yohji sighed and allowed his arms to move. They crossed themselves behind him so that his right wrist rested on his left ankle and his left wrist on his right ankle. "Wrists to wrists and elbows to elbows." His arms uncrossed and pulled together till his elbows connected. He arched his back a little but couldn't relieve the strain on his shoulders. "Wrists to neck." This one felt ridiculous, but Yohji knew it would be fairly effective. His elbows bent over his head so that his arms crossed behind his head. His hands lay flat on his shoulder blades. "Or wrists to forearms." His arms made a square with his shoulders, his forearms overlapping behind his back.

Crawford raised an inquiring eyebrow, and the force that had been guiding Yohji's arms released him.

Yohji frowned and rolled his shoulders. None of the choices were precisely attractive. He certainly wouldn't be able to do much to resist anything Naoe might do. _Well, running's possible with most of them._ He looked around at the barren cell and snorted softly.

"I'd suggest the wrists to forearms," Naoe said softly. "There's no risk of choking, you'll still be able to stand, and it won't hurt quite as much as..." He waved a hand vaguely. "But it's your choice."

Yohji met Naoe's eyes and tried to puzzle out the expression he encountered there. _Is that sympathy? Probably too much to hope for._ He closed his eyes for a second and let his head fall back on his neck. Then he nodded. "Wrists to forearms." _Attitude..._ He shrugged and grinned. "A pity though, I'm very good with my hands."

"Stand." Crawford ordered.

Yohji took a moment to glance at the screen on the floor in front of him. Ran was looking straight at him. _**I see you,**_ Yohji signaled. Ran nodded and then, very deliberately, turned his back. Yohji blinked. _I don't think I could do that. One less witness... At least kind of. He'll still hear everything._

Yohji took his time climbing to his feet. He stood for half a second and very deliberately met Crawford's eyes before looking at Naoe. Again, he couldn't parse the younger man's expression. He shrugged, pushed his hair back out of his eyes and turned his back. He let his arms hang at his sides, obviously relaxed, and wondered if his audience realized how much work that nonchalance required. _Probably,_ he thought sourly.

A telekinetic push at his back sent him stumbling toward the wall. He managed not to smash his face against it, just barely, and stood waiting. He was fairly sure that the man who finally approached him was Crawford, but he didn't look back to see if he was right. It didn't matter enough.

Fingers grasped his left arm, and he thought about struggling but simply didn't see the point. Naoe could easily overcome any resistance Yohji could manage. For a moment, he wondered if his cooperation was a mark of cowardice, but he dismissed the thought. _Courage and cowardice are both lies in this situation._

The other man's hands slipped his left hand behind his right elbow and then folded his right arm under his left. _Leather, I think._ Yohji closed his eyes and tried to think about something else. _Ran looks healthy. Pissed but healthy._ Something cold and metallic touched his skin. _A buckle? By the sound of it, yes. And not where I can reach it. Ken... I wonder how he really got hurt. None of the rest of us seem to have seen anything coming._ Something cord thin cut into his flesh. _Tight. Taking no chances, is he? At least I don't feel any knots. Omi..._ Yohji frowned a little. _There was something off about that scene. It bothered me before Ran-- What was it... Oh. Crawford said they'd drugged him to take away some things, but there weren't any gaps in that grouping of possible weapons. Omi'd have kept even a spork close to hand. If they lied about that... Why'd they drug him? Did they drug him?_

_Is that another buckle? How many of the fucking things are there? Oh. Ran said "no injury." Omi's fine, physically, but... Crawford said this was "hardest on him." Damn them all! The kid's having more fucking flashbacks, isn't he? Why does it matter if I know that or not? Oh._ His stomach clenched again, and he shuddered. _I might think they can't use him for this. But they would. Crawford's cold enough for that. And it'd destroy him._

_It might destroy me._

The man behind Yohji seemed to be done. Yohji heard footsteps moving away. He waited, counting mentally to five, then turned to look at Crawford and Naoe. He noted that the screen that had shown him the rest of Weiss no longer lay on the floor but that the briefcase, now closed, remained. He cautiously tested his bonds and wasn't at all surprised to find them professionally tight. He could move his hands enough to brush fingers against the cords that held him.

Crawford looked at Naoe and held out his hand. Naoe handed Crawford the screen, and Crawford asked him, "Do you want him gagged?"

Naoe shook his head. "Actually, I was planning to talk to him."

Crawford raised an eyebrow but offered no other comment to Naoe's statement. "I'll leave you two to it, then." He turned and walked toward the door. When he was almost there, he turned back and looked at Yohji. "Balinese, Nagi's making you a better deal than you'll get anywhere else. I suggest you... accommodate him. It's not this or something better." Crawford didn't wait for a response. He strode toward the door which opened for him and then through it into the antechamber, and the door swung itself closed behind him.

Yohji looked at Naoe, and their eyes met. Naoe gestured minutely, indicating a point on the floor. "Step away from the wall."

Yohji waited just long enough to be able to tell himself that he had a choice before complying.

_Calm. Just breath evenly. Just sex, that's all._ Yohji worked at remaining still as Naoe circled, pausing to test the bonds. He made a small sound that seemed to indicate satisfaction before continuing on his way.

"So, do I meet with your approval?" Yohji asked. He regretted the edge in his voice; there was no reason to let Naoe know that this upset him.

"You'll do." Naoe moved a few feet away. "Kneel."

Yohji folded himself to the floor, never taking his eyes off of Naoe.

Naoe smiled with one corner of his mouth. "Will you do anything I tell you to?"

Yohji shrugged. "I don't know yet." _Ow! Good way to dislocate my shoulders! I won't be doing that again._

"Good enough." Naoe stepped in closer and knelt a short distance to Yohji's right. "Are you afraid of me?" Naoe's voice seemed to indicate only mild interest in the answer.

Yohji almost shrugged again but stopped himself. It wasn't a question he could answer. The truth would sound like groveling, and a lie would be obvious. He looked at the floor, wishing it had some sort of pattern or variation that he could focus on. _Stop freaking, Kudoh. Play it like Balinese, the man he thinks you are. Look for the pleasure in the moment-- Yeah, right. What pleasure? Maybe an adrenaline high..._

"Good." Yohji's eyes flew back to Naoe's face. "You should be." Naoe's fingers brushed Yohji's cheek as the younger man leaned closer. The next words were so quiet that Yohji felt them more than heard them. "The trouble with working for a precog is that you never know what's whim, what's careful but fallible planning, and what's honest to god necessary and Seen. So I do what Crawford tells me. Even something like this. Actually more easily something like this. He wouldn't ask it of me just because he's pissed with Abyssinian."

Yohji closed his eyes and focused on the soft breath on his cheek and the words it carried. _So that's what that argument was really about. Naoe wanted to know if Crawford really meant it. So why's he telling me?_

Naoe's fingertips trailed down Yohji's cheek and neck, never quite leaving the skin. "As long as I don't kill you or do anything physically crippling, he really doesn't care what else I do. For now. Later, if he tells me to, I'll hurt you. Badly. I'll do it as easily as I'd kill you. I make no pretense otherwise. For the rest..." He brushed hair back from Yohji's forehead. "I'd rather have this time be as-- as not unpleasant for you as we can manage. I have that option." Naoe hesitated.

Yohji shuddered, and it took all of his resolve not to fall forward. _Hell. I'm in hell, and he's trying to be nice. I can't... I can't fight that._ At that moment, all he wanted was to curl in on himself, ignoring Naoe's words, hiding from the inevitable repercussions of his earlier decision.

Naoe drew back. "Are you all right?" he asked in something closer to a normal tone.

Yohji met the other man's eyes and for a brief moment almost wished he were facing Schuldig. The telepath would understand his next words perfectly. _Of course, he also wouldn't care..._ Yohji licked his lips. "I want to keep my soul," he whispered.

"I can't promise you that, Kudoh Yohji," Naoe responded softly, flattening a hand against Yohji's cheek.

Yohji leaned into it just a little, just for a moment. _It's not weakness. Not._ He wished desperately for the use of his hands. _They've stripped me not only of my ability to attack but also... Gestures and postures create the façade. Without them..._ "I know," he answered. He pulled back a little, and Naoe didn't follow him. _Another topic. Now._ "What am I supposed to call you?"

Naoe shrugged. "Nagi's fine, but I don't insist on it. I'd prefer courtesy, but... If calling me names makes you feel better, by all means go ahead. I doubt you can come up with anything that I haven't heard before." He smiled before becoming more serious. "Call Crawford Crawford and, if you see him, Schuldig Schuldig. I won't stop them from enforcing reasonable wishes in that regard."

Yohji managed a small almost-smile. "So I don't have to address them as omnipotent god-emperors?" He was pleased when Naoe responded with a puff of laughter. _Better. We're away from threats and promises, mostly. I can still use words well enough._ Then another question occurred to him. "What should I call Farfarello?"

Naoe's face went utterly still for a moment. "I don't know." He licked his lips and looked down at his hands. "I haven't seen him for weeks. Crawford says they'll be able to heal him, but even he's not sure what Farfarello will be like when he's sane."

"But-- I thought his--" Yohji fumbled for words. _Will he still kill if he's not psycho? Will he feel pain? Why the hell is he telling me this?_ "Will he still be useful to Schwarz if he's cured?" _See how he handles that one..._

"You don't think much of us, do you?"

_Is that anger in his voice?_ Yohji struggled to shrug, pretending that it didn't pull his bound arms. "Do I have reason to?" He put as much dry irony into his words as he could and very deliberately looked around the cell before meeting Naoe's-- Nagi's-- eyes again. _I have opinions still, and you are_ not _my friend._

Nagi looked away. "No, I suppose you don't." Silence stretched, making the pause an almost physical presence between them. Finally, Nagi went on, "Whatever else you may think of us, we look after our own. This is the first time Crawford's Seen a treatment that worked, that didn't make things worse. That's why, whatever Abyssinian may think, Aya-chan is utterly safe. After the baby's born--"

Yohji's head snapped up. "What baby?" he snarled.

Nagi flinched but didn't shift. He met Yohji's glare. "It's nothing to get upset about. She agreed."

Yohji snarled again completely unable to find words. _I got a reaction, a real one I think. There's something there..._

This time, Nagi smiled. "She _agreed_. She's got Crawford twisted around her little finger, and she knows it perfectly well." Nagi reached out toward Yohji's face, and Yohji ducked away. Nagi let his hand fall back to his lap and smiled again with just a hint of challenge.

_He could, but he'll let me go this time. So he doesn't feel like he has to prove it. That's wrong. He shouldn't be that sure._

"It's not like this, Balinese." His eyes flickered over Yohji's bound arms to the cameras to the door and back to Yohji's face. His tone was matter of fact, not at all apologetic.

"No?" Yohji felt the fragile acceptance of the situation that he'd started to build collapsing around him. "Then why is Ran-- Abyssinian-- a hostage?" _Answer that you son of a bitch! Can you?_ Every muscle in his body felt tight, poised for him to call for maximum effort. _Flee, fight, do some damn thing! I'm going to start shaking soon. I'm not trained to wait._

Nagi shrugged and said nothing. Yohji raised an eyebrow and settled back on his heels, trying to force his muscles to loosen. _So Naoe doesn't know either. Damn adrenaline!_

"You'll probably be better off if you don't think about it," Nagi said. "You can't do anything to change her situation or anyone's but your own."

Laughter tasted of bile. "And I can do damn all about that." This time, he made no effort to avoid Nagi's touch. He was fairly sure that the other man meant to be comforting. _I wish... What do I wish? That I weren't here. Definitely. But... I wish I weren't desperate enough to find his hand comforting. Does he know? How the hell could he not?_

Nagi ran his fingers through Yohji's hair. "So, Balinese, do you have a preference as to what I call you?" The question was soft and sounded almost tentative.

Yohji shook his head, letting it fall forward so that his hair masked his expression for a moment. _Does it matter? Yes. I think it does. If I pick, I tell him how I want him to see me. If he picks, he defines what he expects. And I bet he doesn't actually want the killer, the professional, and that's who he thinks he's addressing when he says Balinese. He wants the hedonist, the man of emotion and impulse, the malleable one._

Nagi lifted a few strands and tucked them behind Yohji's ear before leaning in and murmuring, "Or would it be kinder to leave you your privacy?" He dropped the lock he held so that it fell back over Yohji's face.

_Oh, yes, kinder... But not so much to remind me that it's your choice._ "Call me whatever you like, Nagi-san. Balinese. Kudoh. Yohji. You know them all." _I'm so tired, and I just want this to be over so that I can curl up and sleep, forget where I am and what I've agreed to. Forget the audience... Fuck. How many people are watching this charade?_ "Just--"

Yohji was never certain what he'd been about to say for at that moment, the door to the cell opened again. He jumped a little, but Nagi remained calm.

"That will be your meal," he observed, rising to his feet.

Both men looked at the revealed antechamber. Lying within, they saw a covered tray, a rolled pallet with a folded blanket and a thin pillow on top of it, and a cardboard box. Yohji wasn't really surprised when, one by one, the items moved, seemingly on their own, from the antechamber to the cell proper. Nagi telekinetically piled the bedding in the corner to the left of the door before floating the box to the corner with the shower and toilet and the tray into his own hands. Once he held it, he looked rather expressionlessly down at Yohji, ignoring the movement of the door as it closed.

"Do you want to eat now or... wait until after?" Nagi asked.

Yohji blinked in surprise and tried vainly to blow some of his hair out of his face. The stubborn wisps remained where they were, tickling his eyelids and making him long to sneeze. _I'll be damned. That's a genuine question._

Nagi brought the tray down to the floor. "Do you want help with that?"

Yohji looked up at Nagi, feeling utterly ridiculous. "Please." _Sort of thing you don't think twice about when you can do it yourself. How many more surrenders will I have to make? How many more can I afford?_

Nagi's fingers moved gently over Yohji's face. "Did I get them all?" At Yohji's nod, Nagi smiled. "So, do you want to eat now or later?"

"Given that I'm starving--"

Nagi frowned. "It's just that... Well, I threw up after my first time. And a lot after that. Not eating before helped."

Yohji's belly clenched at the other's words. _So damn matter of fact. Just something that happened, and now he's going to do it to me. Okay, Kudoh. Let it go. Freaking will just make you more vulnerable._

Something of Yohji's reaction must have shown in his face because Nagi went on, "It was a long time ago, Yohji-kun, and the bastard's dead now. Schuldig's a great believer in creative violence as a mechanism for dealing with trauma." Nagi shrugged slightly. "It's better than nothing."

_It does still bother him, not overwhelmingly, but... Probably the only time in his life, Schuldig did something worthwhile._ Yohji nodded with a sad smile and said the only thing he could think of, "It's not my first time." He felt tremors in his chest and back, tiny waves that seemed to travel in all directions. _If they're not visible now, they will be soon. And he'll hear them when I speak again._

"I'd guessed that." There was a certain humor in Nagi's tone, but Yohji couldn't bring himself to look at the other man's face until Nagi's fingers caught his chin and tugged gently. Nagi leaned in close. "Are they good memories?"

Yohji closed his eyes and nodded minutely, just enough that Nagi should be able to feel the pressure of it. _One more surrender. I don't-- Hell. I am_ not _going to cry, and I am not going to let him taint those memories. They're mine. Mine._

Nagi released his grip on Yohji's chin. "I'm glad," he said softly. "I hope it helps."

_He means that._ Yohji blinked in surprise. _I do believe he actually means that._ His trembling eased a little.

Nagi turned away to take the lid off the tray. "Miso. Rice. Nothing too complicated. If we go slowly, your stomach should handle it all without trouble."

The odors wafting from the tray after Nagi lifted the lid had Yohji's stomach announcing that it damn well could and would handle every bite. He leaned forward a little then turned red as he realized that he couldn't feed himself. _I want my hands back. My hands and a fucking cigarette. Couldn't they leave me that much?_

Nagi lifted the miso and the spoon. "We'll start slow," he said. His eyes met Yohji's, and Yohji thought that those eyes acknowledged Yohji's shame while still encouraging him to move past it.

_Another surrender. How many does that make and how much territory do I have left?_ "Hai." Yohji dipped his head a little before raising it and opening his mouth to accept the first spoonful of soup. He kept his attention focused on the spoon, not wanting to see the expression on Nagi's face. _I should look at him, smile at him, show him it doesn't bother me. I can do that. I should. So do it already. No, just think about something else._

They continued in silence until the bowl was empty. Nagi made no move toward the rest of the food. "How does that feel?" he asked the older man.

_Like I just ate a bowl of miso._ Yohji suppressed his urge toward sarcasm. _I am_ not _stupid._ "Um... How long?" Yohji knew he wasn't being dreadfully specific, but Nagi had shown unexpected understanding already, so Yohji hoped his words would be sufficient. _And he doesn't seem to mind questions. Would he tell me about Omi? Probably not. I think Crawford already gave the party line..._

"Not quite a week."

_Figures._ Yohji wasn't all that surprised, not really, but it did bother him. _They could have done anything to me._ "Why?"

"We worked with Siberian first, then Abyssinian. Crawford said that you and Bombay could wait. I think he needs them more than he does you or Bombay."

_Ran, I understand, given Aya-chan, but why Ken?_ Yohji stared at Nagi for a moment. "Nagi-san," he began carefully. "I don't understand why--" He shook his head. "You keep answering my questions--"

"Crawford didn't tell me not to. If there was something I could tell you that he didn't want you to know, he'd have said so, and I don't see that lying to you will help the situation. I don't get my kicks by torturing people."

Their eyes met briefly, and Yohji ventured a small smile. _I heard that implied "unlike some people," Nagi-san. I'm paying attention. Is that a reminder to count myself lucky?_

Nagi lifted the bowl of rice. "This may have started to get cold," he commented.

Yohji closed his eyes for a moment as he obediently opened his mouth for the first bite. He chewed and swallowed without even thinking about it. His mind kept trying to go into analysis mode which meant that he was relaxing and not viewing Nagi as a threat. _Since Nagi's still definitely a threat... Shit._ Yohji's throat went dry, and his jaw seemed to lock, the flesh over it tightening and pulling in minutely. _Okay, so I_ am _stupid. Sentries sleeping on watch and all that._ He felt panic building and had to fight not to back away. _Calm down! He didn't get all the way in. And it would be a hell of a lot easier if I just let him soothe me..._ He hated himself for that thought. _Balinese shouldn't be trapped that easily._ I _shouldn't be trapped that easily._

Yohji pulled back and shook his head as Nagi offered him a second mouthful. Nagi hesitated with chopsticks raised, then lowered them back to bowl.

_My move. How should I-- How should Balinese respond?_ Yohji opened his mouth, hesitated, then said, "Just how much training have you had in psychology, Nagi-san?" _Lightly. Lightly. Don't show the freak out. You don't want him to know._

Nagi's lips twisted in a rather rueful grin. "Quite a bit actually. Why? Am I overplaying it?"

_Not in the slightest which means you're more dangerous than I thought._ Yohji shook his head and answered as calmly as he could, "Not really, at least, not assuming that you want me to get comfortable having you near." _And I think that is what you want. You're too damn easy to talk to. You almost trapped me._

_Would that be so bad? At least it doesn't hurt very much._ Yohji firmly squashed the thought and set his jaw, meeting Nagi's gaze as squarely as he could manage.

"That is the idea, Yohji-kun." There was a quiet humor in the tone. "I can work at scaring the hell out of you, if you really want. I _can_ be nasty and terrifying; I learned from the best after all. I just thought it'd be... counterproductive." Nagi returned the bowl of rice to the tray, looking away from Yohji's face for a moment.

Yohji felt an emptiness in his belly that had nothing to do with hunger. _I can't-- I don't want-- Oh, hell._ "Ah-- No, that's all right, Nagi-san. I'd rather... I just want to know how much is real!" He hadn't meant to vocalize that last, but the words got away from him. _You already scare the hell out of me, Nagi-san._ He looked away, afraid that his momentary despair showed in his eyes. He knew his trembling was visible now, and he knew there was no chance that Nagi didn't see it. _And that makes me shake harder. Damn it. Why won't my body obey?_ He wanted to laugh and wanted to sob but somehow managed to suppress both impulses. He looked back at Nagi knowing that pushing for a pretense of pride would help.

Nagi became very still. His eyes met Yohji's steadily. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't particularly want to break you, but I'll do it if I need to. Do I need to?"

Yohji met those eyes without flinching for a second before dropping his gaze to the floor. He shook his head minutely. He knew that that gesture was a surrender, one more profound than his acceptance of Crawford's "proposition." _Then I gave up something that could have been beaten out of me with just a little effort. I just said I'd let them do what they could do anyway. Now..._ He sighed almost inaudibly. _How far will I go to stay whole?_

He kept his head bowed as Nagi's fingers stroked his hair. Yohji knew the gesture was meant to offer comfort as much as to assert ownership, but he found himself wishing he hadn't asked the question. He felt fairly certain that Nagi would not have forced him to confront this truth, at least not this time, maybe not ever. _Stupid, Kudoh. Should have left well enough alone. It's easier to play to win when you don't admit the game's rigged so it's impossible for you to do so. Stop it, Kudoh; this is getting you nowhere. Put it away. Put it all away and keep just what you need for the game._ He gave a shuddering sigh and started trying to compress the parts of his personality that weren't needed for what was about to happen. _If it's not exposed, it can't be damaged. At least, it's worth a try..._

He heard rather than saw Nagi move closer to him. _What now?_ The other man's clothed leg moved into place beside his own naked one, and Yohji flinched from the contact. _Stop that! He's not hurting you. Yet._ Air seemed to solidify, pushing Yohji to raise his head and turn toward Nagi. Yohji met Nagi's eyes for just a second as Nagi leaned toward him. _He's not planning to hurt me this time, and if he wanted to humiliate me he'd be coming from behind._ Yohji closed his eyes and didn't try to resist. Lips touched his softly, just a brush of flesh to flesh. _How sweet..._ The memory of Nagi trying to kiss that blue haired Schreient girl flashed through Yohji's mind. _What was her name anyway?_

When Yohji didn't flinch, Nagi pressed in for something more closely approximating a kiss. Yohji kept his eyes closed and fought an impulse to clench his jaw. Instead, he let his lips part a little. _I'm not sure if that's cooperation or just lack of resistance. Hell. Does it matter? Yes. It does._ Nagi's tongue caressed Yohji's lips and slipped a little way between them without, quite, entering the older man's mouth. _The distinction's all in my head, and that's where I can lose._ Yohji opened his eyes. _If I had my hands, I could do what that girl did and kiss him properly. Should I mention-- No. I don't think he knows I saw that, and... We both have our heartbreak. As long as he doesn't mention Neu-- Asuka--_

Nagi pulled back physically, but his power continued to hold Yohji's head still. Nagi raised a hand and ran a finger over Yohji's lips. Nagi's attention seemed focused, and he smiled a little as if some question had been answered.

Yohji did flinch this time. _Oh, stupid Kudoh! Get your mind back on what's important! If you bring her up, it won't matter if he doesn't._ He tried to set his face in an unreadable expression. _And I bet I'm failing..._ "That was... not unpleasant." He tried to capture the rhythm with which Nagi'd spoken the words earlier and was rewarded by a soft chuckle. _I should turn this into a seduction. I should..._ He met Nagi's eyes. _Maybe..._ he cut off the thought before it could go further. _Hope might be as dangerous as despair right now._ He licked his lips and cast about for something to say. "Have you-- have you had a lot of practice doing that?" _Apart from the blue haired girl... I bet he'd be pissed as hell if he realized I saw that._

"Not nearly as much as your reputation suggests you've had," Nagi responded dryly. "Of course, it's mostly been with women. Is there anything different in the mechanics?"

In spite of himself, Yohji felt reassured by the quiet humor in the other man's voice. Yohji tried to match the tone when he spoke again. "Apart from dealing with the whiskers? Not that's a male-female thing. People are all different. You seem to be good at picking up cues." Yohji tilted his head to approximate a shrug. _Damn it's hard to seem expert without my hands! And my odds are a hell of a lot better if he lets me lead._

Nagi raised a skeptical eyebrow, and Yohji managed his own small laugh. "Your teammates play by different rules, Nagi-san. Very different rules than the rest of us." He could tell from the other's expression that Nagi didn't understand at all, and Yohji suppressed his instinct to explain. _Maybe that lack of confidence will help me some day... He's already got enough advantages._ Instead, he changed the subject, "Kissing me would be a lot more pleasant for you if you let me shave."

Nagi actually laughed. "I suspect, Yohji-kun, that giving you a sharp implement goes well beyond what Crawford would allow." He seemed to consider for a moment. "Could you stand to have me shave you?"

Yohji hesitated. "I... think so." _After all, I already let you feed me. And I'm going to let you fuck me with god knows how many people watching. What's one more humiliation?_ He looked at the floor. _But Ran'll be sure I'm insane letting any member of Schwarz put a blade to my throat. Like I could actually say no. Fuck it. Ran's not going to understand any of this anyway. He doesn't do compromise._ "You and Crawford have both made it clear that I'll have to let you do whatever you want anyway, Nagi-san." _I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said that. Ran needed to hear it, but it blows my position with Nagi. And it won't make Ran think I'm any less... tainted._

"If it bothers you that much, you should have said no." Nagi traced a finger along Yohji's collarbone.

Yohji's shoulder twitched in response to the stimulation. _He hadn't lost sight of his power._ A near snarl rose in his throat, but he choked it back. _No sense provoking him. He's just playing the damn game._ "You know perfectly well that I couldn't do that." _And it could be a fun game if that's really what it was..._

"Oh, you _could_. You just wouldn't." Nagi pressed his lips against Yohji's again, this time penetrating a little further with his tongue.

_Just let him do it._ Yohji relaxed his jaw. _I'm going to have to start pushing soon. I think he's more complicated than I'd hoped._

Nagi drew back, running his tongue over his own lips. "You taste like miso."

"You find that surprising?" Yohji raised an eyebrow and let his eyes wander toward the discarded soup bowl.

"Not really." Nagi smiled and leaned back a little. "We came in knowing you'd say yes. If you'd said no, we'd have known that our dossiers-- Kritiker's dossiers-- weren't worth the paper they were printed on. And," Nagi's tone became decidedly chilly, "we'd probably have killed you."

Yohji hunched down a little, trying to thaw the sudden ice in his belly. _Stop it, Kudoh. You knew they were ruthless._ "Only probably?"

Nagi shrugged, reaching with one hand to brush Yohji's hair back from his face and with the other to caress Yohji's chest. "Crawford might have had another use for you. I don't know." He pinched at one of Yohji's nipples, rolling it between his fingers. He frowned slightly at the hardening flesh as if it were a foreign phenomenon and pinched harder.

Yohji whimpered. He hadn't meant to let any sound escape, but he hadn't expected the roughness. Nagi looked at him sharply, and Yohji looked away. _If you want to hurt me, Nagi-san, I'm hardly in a position to stop you._

Nagi's hand flattened on Yohji's chest, then brushed lightly over his skin.

Yohji closed his eyes with a sigh. _No use thinking about the rest of it right now. Balinese wouldn't, not as long as something felt good. Which... Well, I don't think he's practiced this part of it as much._ He made a small encouraging noise. _Like a purr... I_ can _enjoy this. I just have to pretend that I really had a choice, that the lack of choice is the pretense..._

Nagi moved his other hand to Yohji's shoulder. "Is that genuine or are you just trying to keep me happy?"

Yohji opened his eyes and twisted his body to pull back a little from Nagi's hands. "I'm not sure where the line is," he confessed. _And I'm not. If he were a lover, I'd be rewarding him for reading cues and going in the right direction, trying to build his confidence. What I want here is survival. He doesn't... repel... me. Ran would say he should, but... Nagi doesn't repel me._ Yohji felt himself redden a little and looked away. _Shame. Is that because Ran's listening? Because I could get off on this? Or because I couldn't answer his question? I'm slipping already, too damn fast._ He closed his eyes and turned his face back toward Nagi. "Men need a lot less... foreplay than women do." _Let's just get it over with. Please._ "For best effect... direct stimulation seldom fails."

Nagi responded with a thoughtful noise, and Yohji had to fight the urge to look at the other man's face to gauge his reaction. _It doesn't matter if he's happy with me! I can't let it matter. I can't..._

Nagi pulled Yohji sideways. Yohji stiffened as he found his cheek resting on Nagi's shoulder, his stubble catching just a little on the weave of Nagi's shirt.

"I'm just making this harder for you, aren't I?" Nagi put one arm around Yohji's shoulders and let the other hand rest on Yohji's hair.

Yohji forced himself to relax, taking one deep breath after another. He nodded slightly. _No harm saying that; it won't make him angry._ He felt tears building behind his eyelids and had to hold his breath for a second to stifle a sob. _This is too much too soon. I'm crumbling way too fast. I should be tougher than this. We haven't even gone anywhere that I haven't been before. Admittedly, then we had safe words and... And more often I was on the other side. The hell with it._ "Nagi-san?" _I probably don't want to know._ "Is the food drugged?" He was proud that he managed to keep his voice steady as he spoke. _Can I even handle the answer?_

"Probably." The arm around Yohji's shoulders tightened a little, and Nagi's fingers stroked Yohji's head. "I'm sorry that bothers you so much, Yohji-kun. If it helps any, it's not a Masafumi special." Yohji could hear Nagi's smile in the last sentence.

_He'd say that anyway, and I didn't want to know. Not really. Then why am I disappointed?_ Yohji started to tremble and turned his face into Nagi's shoulder, preferring not to share his tears with the cameras. _Of course, if I hadn't asked, I'd think it was just me being weak, breaking way too easily._ He shuddered. _I still might be... "Probably." Damn._ He felt the hard muscles that covered Nagi's chest move as the younger man shifted to take more of Yohji's weight. _He smells of soap and sweat and laundry detergent. Nothing threatening there. He even feels nice. If I were in the mood, I might pick him up in a bar. If he weren't Schwarz..._ Yohji felt his stomach clench. _I've got to choose. I can surrender now; he'll let me. I think he'd be pleased. But if I do, it'll be for good._ A sob escaped him. _I can't. I can't. I'm not_ that _weak!_

_Okay, Kudoh, make it count._ He nuzzled at Nagi's shoulder. _He does gentle and protective so well. What happens when I beg for it? He protected that Schreient girl, and she didn't even ask, just needed._

Nagi's hand began to stroke Yohji's hair, and the younger man made small comforting noises.

Yohji struggled to raise his face from Nagi's shoulder. He knew he had to look terribly pathetic. _Crying so doesn't suit my complexion._ He let himself visibly fail to force a smile. _I can do this. I know what he wants right now. I can play him. I can._

Nagi removed his hand from Yohji's hair and placed it under Yohji's chin. "Yohji-kun?"

_I'm not "Yohji-chan" yet. I wonder how long it'll take to get there? He's still leaving me some dignity._ Yohji felt a frustrated snarl rising from his belly and let it fuel his next action. He pushed upward, grinding his shoulder against Nagi's just enough to give the contact a sexual edge. He was rewarded by just the slightest flinch from Nagi before Yohji pressed in for their third kiss. _I'm still better at this than you are, Nagi-sama!_ He wanted to laugh at the bitter, desperate sarcasm tinging his mental voice, but he kept himself focused on the matter at hand. He left no space for sweetness or gentleness, taking Nagi's lower lip between his teeth and teasing it with his tongue, then seeking to get his tongue into Nagi's mouth.

Nagi's response was stronger and more spectacular than Yohji'd expected. Nagi pushed Yohji away, and Yohji smashed against the wall. He hung there for a moment before Nagi released him to tumble to the floor.

It took Yohji a few seconds to get his mind working again. He lay sprawled half on his back, half on his side, next to the wall. _That hurt! Well, I didn't expect it to feel good..._ He tasted blood in his mouth and wondered what he'd bitten and whether or not anything had broken. Then he blinked a couple of times to clear his vision. Nagi sat with his spine rigid and his hands clenched in the fabric of his pants, glaring at Yohji. _And how does that feel?_ Yohji only just kept his lips from twitching into a sneer. _I guess that stuff about being raped wasn't just smoke... Useful to know. I almost feel guilty. Almost._

Yohji forced a grin. "You taste like toothpaste, Nagi-san."

Nagi's body didn't relax, but he responded in an even tone, "Are you surprised, Yohji-kun?" Nagi crooked a finger at Yohji. "Come back here."

Yohji regarded the younger man incredulously for a moment, trying to figure out how he was supposed to manage that. Nagi gave a hard little smile that told Yohji that that was his problem. _I suppose that buys him some time to put himself back together. Bastard. I hate it when the bad guys are smart._

Yohji took a deep breath. _No cracked ribs, I think. Damn, I hate pushing to see what gives! Right. How to manage this..._ He squirmed until he lay fully on his back. _Not kind to my shoulders, but I sure as hell can't get up from lying on my side. Now, bend the knees. That's easy enough. I'm sure I can manage a sit up..._ His abdominal muscles screamed as he pulled his torso up until he could rest his head on his knees. _I'll just rest here a moment. Let him think I'm trying to figure out the next step._ He closed his eyes, trusting his hair to hide his face. _Now, legs around and down to the side. Keep my ass firmly planted or I'll have to do the whole thing over again--_ His muscles complained, and he very nearly lost his balance, but he managed to end up sitting with his legs curled to one side. _Now just one more push to get up and over--_

As he completed the last wrenching twist, he felt just the slightest brush of Nagi's power and realized that the telekinetic hadn't wanted Yohji to fall. He risked a peek at Nagi and saw that he still looked angry. _I don't think I was supposed to notice that. Or maybe I was. Was that kindness or something else?_ Yohji stopped to catch his breath, keeping his head bent so that his hair fell over his face. _I hope it was kindness... If it was... No. No hopes. Just focus on now._

"I didn't think you could manage that unassisted." Nagi's tone conveyed a sort of vague surprise. "Very good."

Yohji tossed his head, throwing most of his hair off of his face. Then he smiled, a broad, lazy, Kudoh-the-seducer grin. "I think you'd be surprised at what I can pull off." _This is going to hurt like hell._

Nagi's power seized Yohji's hair, pulling it so that his neck bent, his head moving back and to the side at an uncomfortable angle. "And I believe I gave you an order. Or did you miss that part?" The pull twisted, forcing Yohji to arch his back.

Yohji allowed his expression to become sullen. _That's right. I concede the skirmish. Just don't look at the war..._ He inched his knees forward and made a show of reluctant cooperation. _Balinese wouldn't do any more than this. I wish I didn't have to be Balinese..._

Nagi stood. Yohji felt a tug on his bound arms that became a steady pressure pulling them up and out from his body. He tried to rise to follow only to find that the pull on his hair remained steady. He fought panic. _Is he trying to break my neck?_ His scalp burned, and his shoulders felt like they were starting to tear. He opened his mouth to curse but never had the chance to speak. A heavy blow landed in his gut, driving the air from his lungs. His body tried to collapse forward, but the telekinetic hold on his shoulders denied him that relief.

_Hurts. Shit._ A half strangled gasp was all he managed before the next blow struck. He writhed, trying to escape, and nearly succeeded in dislocating his shoulders. Panic nearly overwhelmed rational thought as he realized that Nagi could strike him from any direction without warning. _Can't see-- Shit!_ He tried to keep his eyes on Nagi, hoping for some clue, but Nagi stood motionless, watching with a façade of indifference. _Is he going to kill me? Omi-- I'm sorry!_

The pull on his hair released, and he felt a moment's relief before a blow across his cheek rocked his head back. _A slap. A fist. A kick. Front... back. Can't fucking scream. Smug son of a bitch-- Not getting hands dirty!_ Yohji curled his lips in a half hearted snarl. His shoulders burned. He could feel things tearing and stretching as he struggled. _Got to stop. Got to--_ Another belly blow made him try to double over. _Never... my arms again--_ His lungs screamed for air while refusing to open enough to allow anything in.

Finally, he slumped in surrender, simply enduring. The agony in his shoulders dulled a little, but the beating went on, continuing for a subjective eternity, until Yohji almost forgot that there had been or could be anything else.

Then it stopped. Only Nagi's hold on Yohji's arms kept him from collapsing. Nagi lowered Yohji to a kneeling position and released his arms. Yohji panted and gasped and let his head fall forward. _I never want to move again. I don't think I_ can _move again. And he wasn't even really angry, just kind of... I never want to move again._

"Come here and finish your rice." Nagi's tone was icy, implacable.

_He won't tolerate disobedience._ Yohji raised his head to look at the other man. His vision seemed oddly blurred. _Am I concussed? Crying?_ He could still tell, however that Nagi was poised for further action. "Hai," he whispered, unable to manage anything more. _No more fight right now..._

Nagi stared at Yohji for a moment, then nodded acceptance. He turned away and walked toward the pile of bedding.

Yohji watched Nagi go, knowing that he had to move but not quite certain he could. He bent forward, wanting, needing, to rest for just a moment before trying to go on.

Invisible fingers stroked Yohji's back. They ran the length of his spine, carefully detouring around the worst contusions, then stopped to squeeze his ass.

"Yohji-kun," Nagi said softly. "Whether I see you or not, there's nowhere in this cell that I cannot touch you. Not a distance great enough to stop me. Do you understand?"

Yohji shuddered and couldn't force himself to reply. He felt frozen in despair. _There's no hope, is there? I can't do anything... No. It's bad. He's smart. He's powerful. But... I made him do that. My choice not his. Mine._ He forced himself up on his knees and began to move forward. The bowl of rice lay on the floor and seemed impossibly far away. Each movement sent new pain burning through him as his knees, shins and feet complained. _And he didn't touch me there. I did all that trying to get away. Abrasions. Bruises. I bet I'm bleeding. But I don't think I can make it to my feet, and I don't know what he'd do if I tried..._

When Yohji reached the bowl, he darted a glance at Nagi. The other man still faced away; he'd picked up the blanket and was inspecting it. "Eat," Nagi commanded without looking back.

Yohji closed his eyes for just a second before bending to put his face to the bowl. _I'll need this later._ He was a little surprised that his tortured abdominal muscles didn't give out on him, but he managed not to fall. _Probably amuse him if I did._ He began to eat. The rice had become cold and dry, but he managed to choke it down.

Nagi unrolled the futon and shook the blanket out over it. Nagi, Yohji noted, actually did the work physically. _Is he tired or does he just want to take his time? Or is he too busy "watching" me?_ Yohji studied Nagi's posture. _I think he's afraid he'll give something away. And he would. He has to think about his body language more than he should._

Yohji lowered his head for another mouthful of rice. His mouth and throat were already dry, and the grain seemed to steal what moisture he had left. _Just a little more..._ By the time he finished eating, his bruises had reached the intermediate state between the sharp pain of injury and the stiff pain of starting to heal. _I could move again if I had too. At least for now._

Nagi was watching when Yohji raised his head after emptying the bowl. Nagi walked back to stand over Yohji and very delicately removed a few grains that were clinging to Yohji's nose, chin and other parts of his face. Nagi held his hand out in front of Yohji's mouth, silently offering the remnants.

Yohji hesitated. _I've got to take them, but... How? I can challenge or I can surrender. The hell with it. I can't take another beating right now; if they can't use me, it's Omi._ He looked up at Nagi as if to say that this was a temporary state of affairs and then leaned forward and carefully used his lips to capture a grain at a time.

Nagi ran his now clean hand over Yohji's hair. "Don't make me do that again, Yohji-kun."

Yohji looked down. He didn't want Nagi to see the determination in his eyes and didn't want to make any promises the other man wouldn't believe anyway. _How long till I really believe that it's my fault?_

Nagi went down on one knee next to Yohji. "Lie down."

Yohji bit his lip. _I could do it. Probably. Maybe._ He pulled his shoulders up to either side of his head, ignoring the pain the movement provoked. He turned and looked at Nagi. _Time to crack a little..._ "Nagi-san? I--" He let his voice crack and his neck bow. "Please."

"Of course." Nagi placed an arm around Yohji's back and a hand on his chest. "I won't let you fall." Paying little heed to Yohji's bruises, Nagi guided the older man's body to the floor so that he lay on his back with his knees bent and his feet flat on the floor.

Yohji's bound arms produced an unnatural arch to his back that made lying down uncomfortable, but he offered no complaint. When Nagi rose and moved away, Yohji closed his eyes. _It's almost over._ He knew that he ought to raise his head, to follow Nagi's movements and study his body language, but Yohji simply couldn't muster the energy. _I'll just rest for a moment. It's not like I don't know what comes next._

But he hurt too much to relax, and his mind kept offering suggestions as to things Nagi could do that would be much worse than what had already happened, so Yohji listened, hoping for clues. The rice bowl went back on the tray. The cover went on the tray, and footsteps carried both away. Yohji raised his head enough to see Nagi's back as he set the tray by the door. _Look at him. So stiff. You'd think he'd been beaten instead of... I don't think he wants to do this._

Yohji let his head fall back and stared up at the ceiling. _No patterns there either... Footsteps coming back. The slapping sound of the briefcase being flipped open. Small noises. Retrieving something. Is that good or bad? I'll be an optimist._

Then Nagi was there by Yohji's feet, pushing them apart. Yohji stifled an urge toward hysterical laughter. Part of his mind kept protesting that this couldn't be happening while the rest of him responded with annoyed instructions to shut up and to pay closer attention to events next time. _Yeah, where the hell were you?_ For some reason, he found that funny. He just didn't think Nagi'd appreciate the joke.

Yohji raised his head again to look at Nagi and caught a glimpse of an expression of intense focus on the other man's face. That disappeared behind a mask of controlled indifference the moment Nagi realized that Yohji was watching. Their eyes met for a second and held. Nagi held up a hand holding a tube and a plastic wrapped packet. He took the packet between the thumb and forefinger of his other hand and waved it back and forth.

"Even Kritiker's not sure where you've been, Yohji-kun." Nagi smiled cheerfully, but his words had a vicious edge.

They held each other's eyes for a second longer; then Yohji let his head drop again. _And the real message there is "We're using lube." Thank god for that at least. I'll think about the insult later. Maybe._ He offered no resistance as Nagi pushed Yohji's legs up and back, adjusting the tilt of his hips, but couldn't stop an occasional noise at the pain some of the movements caused.

Yohji turned his head to one side; he wanted to see as little of this as possible. He heard a rustling of cloth.

"Keep your eyes on me, Kudoh Yohji." Nagi pinched the inside of Yohji's thigh to emphasize his point.

Yohji dutifully turned his head back so that he was looking upward, but he didn't bother to raise his head. _I'll see what I see. Be damned if I'm going to strain my neck so I can watch Naoe Nagi fuck me._ He wasn't entirely surprised to feel his head lifted, but the insertion of a folded pillow to keep his head at the level Nagi'd selected did come as a surprise.

Nagi ran a careful finger down the crack of Yohji's ass, lingering to circle his anus. Nagi's eyes met Yohji's again, this time with a certain challenge.

_He's enjoying this, the power of it._ The realization chilled Yohji. He'd been pretty sure that Nagi hadn't been aroused by their physical contact earlier, and Nagi's reluctance to commit rape had seemed genuine. _Never mind. It doesn't change anything right now. Don't think about it..._

Nagi pushed a lube slicked finger into Yohji's body. He kept his eyes on Yohji's face.

Yohji bit his lip in an effort to swallow the whimper that invasion produced. _What's he looking for?_ He donned a façade of indifference, knowing perfectly well that it wouldn't hold if Nagi tried to break it. _He pushed. Push back._ "It doesn't hurt," Yohji said. He curled his lips into a smile, pretending that he didn't realize that the imprint of his teeth still showed on his lower lip. _You haven't beaten all the life out of me..._

"Do you want it to?" Nagi responded in an interested tone. "I thought you didn't."

Yohji shuddered a little at Nagi's tone then pulled back instinctively as Nagi bent and wiggled his finger. _Easy. He's exploring._ Yohji bared his teeth. "I didn't think this was about what _I_ want."

Nagi's answering smile chilled Yohji. _He looks like Crawford._

Nagi's power tugged at Yohji's hips, pulling them back into place. "Satisfy my curiosity, Yohji-kun. Do you _want_ me to hurt you?"

_What would Balinese say? He's a playboy who runs from his emotions, a hedonist who grabs what he wants, all bravado and loyalty... He wouldn't want it to hurt, but I don't think he could admit that--_ Yohji gasped and lost his train of thought as Nagi's finger brushed Yohji's prostate. Nagi paused, just a second's hesitation, before rubbing the spot again. Yohji groaned with pleasure, and his cock started to expand.

Nagi's finger pulled back. Yohji only just managed to stop himself from thrusting his hips toward Nagi. _No. What was I-- Oh, right-- Use it._ Yohji pulled his face into a grin of confident promise. "I can enjoy myself whatever happens." He knew that the tension in his body as he awaited Nagi's response gave lie to his words. _And he'll notice, too._

"Liar." Nagi spoke without heat. He ran a hand over Yohji's foot, grasping his ankle. A second finger joined the first inside Yohji's body.

Yohji desperately wanted to look away, but he didn't quite dare. He worked to keep the confident expression on his face, not to let it quite falter, and knew that he failed. _There must be something I can put between me and... this._

Nagi snorted derisively. "So if I do this--" Yohji felt the fingers inside him scissor apart with what seemed impossible force and couldn't quite stifle a small scream. "You'll enjoy it?"

The pressure continued, and Yohji was certain that his flesh was ripping. _It's not just his fingers-- Telekinesis! He's using his goddamn telekinesis!_ Terror gave him a temporary strength, and he strained at his bonds then tried to curl his body away from Nagi. _Hurts! Please-- No. Won't. Let. Him. Win. Won't!_

"I could tear you apart, Yohji-kun. I've never done that before. Shall we try it?" A keening whine of pain cut its way through Yohji's control, and the pressure eased until it was just Nagi's fingers again. "Shall we do that, Yohji-kun?" Nagi leaned forward and smiled.

_His eyes... I think he would, just to find out what happened. And not regret it afterward. I..._ Yohji's body shook, and he couldn't keep the tremor out of his voice. "No, please, Nagi-san. Please, no..." He couldn't meet Nagi's eyes.

"Look at me!" Yohji flinched at the sharpness of Nagi's command and fixed his eyes on Nagi's chin.

Nagi pulled his fingers out of Yohji's ass and rose on his knees. Yohji saw that the younger man had already unfastened his pants. Nagi pushed his clothing from his hips then settled back. _He's not going to-- Of course he's not going to strip. Why lose that edge?_ Yohji couldn't keep his eyes from moving lower to where Nagi's still flaccid cock lay. Realizing what he was doing, he wrenched his gaze upward only to encounter an amused smile.

"You can look if you want to, Yohji-kun." There was something very like a laugh in that statement. "I don't mind." Yohji could just see Nagi's hands begin to move, stroking his cock to erection.

Yohji swallowed hard and tried to think of something clever to say, but all his words seemed to have deserted him. _I want to be somewhere else... There really is nothing I can hide behind now._

Nagi raised the wrapped condom until it was within Yohji's line of sight then tore the package open. He tossed the wrapper to one side and looked down at himself with an intentness that Yohji might have found amusing under other circumstances.

Although he'd been trying to prepare for this moment since Crawford's departure, Yohji still found himself struggling as Nagi entered him. _No!_ Yohji twisted and tried to kick, but Nagi's hands and weight kept Yohji's legs pinned between their bodies. _No... Please. Please._

Nagi thrust hard and fast. Yohji's mind and body seemed to disconnect as each push rocked him back on his bound arms and added new bruises to the marks already adorning his body. Whimpering sobs emerged from his throat, and he knew that full tears would soon follow. _Shh. It's almost over. He's not even trying to pace himself. Any time now..._

Nagi came with a strangled cry, throwing his head back. His hands spasmed, fingers digging into Yohji's flesh. Nagi remained where he was, motionless, for a moment before looking down at Yohji. "That was better than I thought it'd be." The words came out softly enough that Yohji thought he might be the only one to hear them. Nagi smiled.

Yohji turned his head away and squeezed his eyes shut. He knew Nagi'd already seen his tears, heard his sobs, but he wanted, needed desperately, to maintain some illusion of privacy. _If he'll allow me that..._

Nagi brushed gentle fingers through Yohji's hair before he levered himself off and out of Yohji's body.

As soon as Nagi's weight was gone, Yohji twisted himself onto his side, curling up in as close to a fetal position as he could manage with his arms still bound behind him. Pulling his body in so tightly hurt, but he felt as if that contraction of muscles was all that was protecting some vulnerable, newly fragile part of his soul. Vaguely, he noted the sound of the toilet flushing and the sink running.

Then Nagi's hand was on Yohji's head again. "You'll rest better on your futon," he said quietly.

Yohji shuddered and didn't even try to speak, but he did finally open his eyes again. He felt himself lifted by Nagi's power. Nagi bent and physically retrieved the pillow before taking it and Yohji over to the pallet he'd prepared earlier. Yohji sighed a little as Nagi lowered him toward the mattress. _It looks so safe... Was it kindness that he didn't do it over here? Never mind. It's over. For this time._ Yohji's body tensed a little at the thought, and his breath was driven out of him as he fell the last few centimeters to the bed. He stiffened in an attempt to stifle the resulting flares of pain from his injuries then groaned as that effort proved inadequate.

A small noise from Nagi informed Yohji that the drop hadn't been intentional cruelty, but Nagi offered no explanation or apology. Instead, Nagi pushed Yohji onto his stomach and began undoing the straps holding his arms. Nagi's movements were gentle, but they sent new shocks of pain into Yohji's shoulders. Yohji pushed his face into the mattress to keep from crying out.

"Remember to breathe." Again, Nagi's words were soft enough that Yohji thought only he could hear them. "Pain's transitory. Suffocation's a little more permanent."

"Permanent sounds good," Yohji mumbled. He spoke into the cloth and rather thought that Nagi didn't notice. _No. Remember Omi,_ he admonished himself.

Nagi made short work of the bonds. He carefully straightened Yohji's left arm and then the right. Yohji's body shook, as much at the terrible intimacy of the action as from the pain of release. _The one who inflicts the pain is also the one who comforts it. How long before I stop caring?_

Yohji barely managed not to scream when Nagi rolled him over onto his back. His arms didn't want to cooperate, and one got twisted beneath him. Nagi teased it back out without inflicting too much more pain.

"Rest and recover, Yohji-kun." Nagi tucked the pillow under Yohji's head and planted a kiss on his forehead. "I'll return when my schedule permits." Nagi pulled the blanket over Yohji's body, rose and turned to go.

Yohji turned his head to watch Nagi's departure. Nagi stopped briefly and put the restraints in the briefcase. He closed the briefcase and carried it with him toward the door. Once there, he paused expectantly in front of it, and, on cue, it opened. He pushed the tray that had contained Yohji's meal through with his foot before looking back to smile at Yohji.

Yohji continued to stare at the doorway long after Nagi'd departed and the opening had closed. Then he curled himself on his side facing the room. _One more thing to do..._ Somehow, he got himself to his knees; his arms weren't as much help as he'd hoped. He looked across the room at the toilet then bent himself and let his shoulders shake as if he were suppressing retching. _Shit, it's a long way... That's okay. About halfway should do it. Look more real if I don't make it._ He thought about Nagi raping Omi, about Crawford with Aya-chan, about the smell of food when he was hungover. His stomach roiled a little, but he could tell that it wasn't going to surrender the food he'd eaten easily.

He lurched to his feet and staggered forward. _Falling'll hurt less than crawling. One step. Two._

_//Bravo, Kudoh!//_

_Shit! Schuldig! I forgot Schuldig!_ Yohji managed another step, but he knew his knees wouldn't hold for much longer.

_//And here I thought I was unforgettable.//_ The voice in Yohji's head snickered. _//Anyway, great performance. If I didn't know better, you'd convince me. Fujimiya's pretty upset.//_

Another step. Yohji stumbled and fell to his knees. _What's the point? Schuldig knows._

_//Ah, but I won't tell.//_ Schuldig's mental voice took on the whine of a spoiled child denied. _//Nagi says he won't learn anything if I play too, so Crawford made me promise not to interfere. So you just play your games and have fun. I'll be watching.//_

Somehow, throwing up had become easy. Yohji bent over and emptied his stomach. Wrenching spasms kept him doubled over even after everything had come back up. He was still shaking when the retching stopped, and the thought of laying his head down on the cool floor tempted him. _It would be so much easier..._ But he craved the perceived safety of his bed. _It's not real, not really, but... It's all I've got._

Moving very slowly, he turned and crept back to the mattress. Once there, he curled himself up with his back to the room and pulled the blanket over his head. It didn't quite keep the light out, but the fabric had a solid weave that at least gave him some privacy.

He desperately wanted to sleep, but he hurt too much. Even though he knew shifting wouldn't help, it was all he could do to remain still. _I'll look more broken if I'm still. That food'll be wasted if I don't carry it off._ He pulled his legs in closer. _That wasn't so bad..._ He shuddered. _Okay, so I'm lying. Nagi could have done worse, but not as bad as it could have been isn't the same as not bad._

_Nagi'll break me. The only advantage I've got is that he's aiming at Balinese, the Kudoh described in Kritiker's files._ He had, they all had, worked at biasing their dossiers, at presenting a slightly different view of themselves to Kritiker. He'd made himself a man easily manipulated through his physical desires, a creature of impulse rather than thought. Ken had emphasized a streak of sentimentality, Ran had taken single mindedness to a ridiculous level, and Omi'd gone for a cheerful, eager to please style. All true as far as it went but also far from complete. Ken could be a ruthless pragmatist, Ran could see the big picture, and Omi could be callously indifferent to the needs or wishes of others.

_As for Kudoh Yohji, he controls his vices rather than being ruled by them._

_I just have to make him think he's broken me before he actually does. But when does acting cease to be a lie?_ Yohji started to shake. _I don't know. I just don't know._

Eventually he slept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age (I'm assuming he's 18 but still) combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Nakki no miko and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Nagi growled a little as the headache he'd been fighting off overwhelmed the last of his defenses and set up housekeeping behind his eyes. _At least it held off this long..._ He didn't bother to make any effort to avoid colliding with other people in the corridor outside Kudoh Yohji's cell. _Shouldn't be many of them, and they can damn well get out of_ my _way for a change._

He saw Crawford's expression change as he walked into the observation room. Crawford's face started with an expression of satisfaction that gave way to just the slightest flicker of alarm at the sight of Nagi's face before settling into a neutral mask.

 _Law three of Schwarz: Don't piss off the telekinetic when he has a headache. Even Crawford gets that one._ If his head hadn't been throbbing, Nagi might have smiled. "Well?" he demanded. "Did you enjoy the show?"

"I think your prediction is about to come true." Crawford nodded toward one of the screens.

 _Right. The question doesn't suit you, so you ignore it._ Nagi glanced over but didn't bother to watch. _I don't think I need to watch him hurl._ "Poor bastard." _No. Whatever Crawford's reasons, I can't afford sympathy._ Nagi gave the screen his full attention for a moment. _Nothing new there._

Crawford shrugged. "He's healthy enough. One more day without food won't hurt him."

 _Or at least not much in the grand scheme..._ "Do you need me for anything else?"

"No." Crawford waved a dismissive hand. "Go. Eat something. Sleep a while. We'll debrief when you wake up."

 _Debrief. Right._ Nagi watched Kudoh Yohji start crawling back toward his bed. He was half amazed and half appalled by the change in the man's demeanor. _That's my work. I wonder what's going on in his head now..._ He frowned.

Nagi realized suddenly that Crawford was looking at him with concern. "Sorry," Nagi said. "I overextended a little." He forced a smile. _Using my mind to sense movement and position is supposed to get easier. Eventually..._

"I noticed." Crawford's response was dry. "Do you need help getting back to your room?"

Nagi started to say no then shrugged. "I should be able to make it." _Leave the ball in Crawford's court._ Nagi smiled internally as Crawford assigned a minion to escort "poor Nagi" to bed. _The look on that man's face-- Just help the crocodile with his toothbrush... Oh, no, you won't get bitten._

He let the smile escape. _I like having a reputation._

Later, as he waited for the medication to take effect, he thought about what he'd done, about Kudoh. _He's got guts. I'll give him that. And he knows when he's ceding power; that's smarter than I expected him to be. Whatever the hell Crawford really wants me to do won't be easy. Kudoh won't give up. The way he got to his knees after I threw him was enough to tell me that. I wonder how strong he actually is..._

 _I'm a little surprised, though. I thought I'd feel guilty about it._

****'  
 _I wish I could turn those damn things off._ Fujimiya Ran snorted in disgust at his own weakness and set his book down again. His gaze drifted toward the row of screens that showed him his teammates' rooms. Nothing new was happening. Hidaka was still reading. Tsukiyono was still unconscious. Kudoh hadn't moved in what seemed like hours.

The problem was that he _could_ turn the monitors off, could look away from what was happening. He just couldn't turn the damn things back on again. Crawford had offered him a choice, a choice between two things he didn't want, as so many of Crawford's "kindnesses" were.

"Either they're always on or they're only on when I choose. Your decision." Crawford's tight smile had told Ran that the other man knew he was being cruel. "Your sister says that you want to see them. Well, now you can."

 _A lesson of sorts,_ Ran supposed. _If Aya-chan insists, Crawford will give me what I want, but it'll come at a price._ Ran hadn't needed a repeat demonstration. He'd save complaints to Aya-chan for the important battles, the ones where cost didn't matter.

Ran rose and stretched. His eyes moved around the room, searching for distraction and finding guilt instead. _Would the others have more if I had less?_ It was an unanswerable question, but he kept demanding an answer from himself. He had furniture, a carpet even. Books. A closet, a real closet, full of clothes. A bathroom with a door. He could even leave this room for a practice room. His katana wasn't there, but a reasonable bokuto awaited him.

And he had these things because his sister traded her body for them.

Crawford's obvious affection for Aya-chan (and his equally obvious surprise at that affection) complicated Ran's reaction. He couldn't tell what his sister thought of Crawford. Certainly, she showed Crawford respect, a façade of affection, but... _It can't be real. It can't be._

He absently massaged his left shoulder, trying to get the stiffness out. He scowled as he tried once again to find a hole in the promises she'd extracted from him. Nothing new occurred to him. _I can't kill him. I can't kill myself. I still can't get him to kill me..._

He stiffened at the quiet sound of the door to his suite opening. _It's not time for another meal yet, so..._ He turned.

"Thinking of me again, onii-san?" Seeing Crawford was no surprise. Schuldig had left too recently to be likely to return, and Naoe wasn't suicidal. "I think you save that scowl just for me."

Ran narrowed his eyes, refusing to rise to the bait by protesting the form of address. "Crawford."

"I dropped by to invite you to dinner. Aya-chan wants to see you, and I thought a nice family dinner might be just what we need."

Ran curled his upper lip in a silent snarl. The chains of his promises seemed flimsy at the moment. "I'm to make polite conversation with you after _that_ \--" His eyes moved to the screen showing Kudoh's cell.

Crawford strolled over to the monitors. He ran a hand over one of them, brushing off nonexistent dust with his fingertips. "I was a little surprised when Schuldig told me you hadn't turned them off, that you stood there with your back turned and _listened_."

Ran's confidence shriveled a little, and he turned his head away. He felt shamed and dirtied by the whole experience. _And that's nothing to what Kudoh must feel. I just listened. Even if Schuldig did give me a play by play. Kudoh... lived it._

"I thought it went well," Crawford continued. Ran knew that if he looked he'd see the other man scanning his face, his body, looking for cracks in his armor. Ran was determined to offer none. "Very well, in fact. I'd expected Balinese to offer more of a challenge. Who'd have thought Nagi'd crack him so fast?"

Ran folded his arms across his chest and stared at the American. _I am impervious._

"You know your team better than I, Abyssinian. What do you think? Would it be better for Nagi to move on to Bombay? Balinese isn't used up, but eventually he won't be repairable."

 _Bastard!_ Ran didn't move. No flicker of emotion crossed his face.

"In fact, since we're talking about your team, I think you should make the call. Just let me know when you think it's time."

Ran felt Crawford's words almost as a physical blow, as if he'd been eviscerated but was still somehow able to stand. "How very courteous." Ran inclined his head to one side. _He's not going to get to me!_ "But I was under the impression that you still hadn't managed to rouse Bombay."

Crawford shrugged minutely. "Schuldig thinks he can manage it. The process won't be good for Bombay's mental stability, but--" Crawford made a casting away gesture with one hand.

"Why not bring him here?" Ran hadn't quite dared make the suggestion before, but he figured he had nothing to lose. "I can look after him. Or put him with Hidaka..." _Just not with Kudoh. Not with Kudoh._

Crawford smiled. "A kind thought. I will consider it." He skirted the table and moved to the chair Ran had occupied a few minutes earlier. He picked up Ran's book. "Basho? Aya's recommended him to me. What do you think?"

Ran ground his teeth.

Crawford turned a few pages. "Yes, I agree. Not really my style at all." He set the book down again. "There is one other thing, onii-san," he said, for all the world as if he'd just thought of it, but Ran could see a glint in Crawford's eyes that told him that this was the real reason for the man's visit. "I had a thought-- Someone needs to check up on Balinese."

Crawford's eyes narrowed a bit in amusement as Ran stiffened further. "Nothing much. Salve for the bruises, a check for broken ribs, clean up the vomit. I was going to have Schuldig do it, but you might be less... alarming. I expect there's still time to catch Schuldig before he starts." Crawford paused, letting the silence lengthen. "Assuming you're willing of course. I wouldn't want you doing anything... distasteful."

Ran hesitated, trying to find the catch. _Crawford wouldn't make the offer without expecting to get something out of it, but..._ Ran nodded. "All right."

Crawford rose. "I'll go head Schuldig off. Someone will be here in about twenty minutes to escort you. Oh and a favor?"

Ran raised an eyebrow.

"Give him a shave. I don't think we want Nagi doing that." Crawford departed without giving Ran a chance to respond.

****'  
Ran gave a disgusted growl as he surveyed Kudoh's cell. He was angry at the situation more than the place, but the room was the closest he could get to an embodiment of the situation. The back of his neck prickled, and he couldn't escape the feeling that he'd walked into a trap.

"Damn," he said under his breath and stepped forward. The door slid closed behind him. He crossed the room swiftly, heading for where Kudoh lay curled on his side. Ran took a slight detour from the direct path in order to avoid Kudoh's vomit. He half considered dealing with the janitorial aspects of his visit first but discarded the notion, realizing that that smelly chore represented a measurable point of completion. Until he dealt with it, no one could expect him to leave.

 _Kudoh didn't move at all. Is he even alive? Crawford wouldn't-- Yes, he would, and Kudoh should have roused when I came in._ Ran moved purposefully toward the pallet. Once there, he knelt and set down the first aid kit. "Kudoh?" he said softly reaching out a hand but not quite touching the other man. This close, Ran could see slight movement in the blanket indicating that Kudoh was still breathing. Ran could even hear the slight rasp of that breath. Ran closed his eyes for a second. _Thank god._

He touched Kudoh's shoulder, but the other man still didn't move. _Shit!_ Ran fought panic and threw the blanket back. That done, he hesitated. _I didn't realize it was this bad..._ He hadn't seen the beating, had assumed, had wanted to believe, that Schuldig exaggerated, and when he'd finally looked at the screen the bruises hadn't started to purple yet. He touched Kudoh's arm, finding a spot that wasn't visibly damaged. "Kudoh?"

Ran rolled Kudoh onto his back. Kudoh showed no signs of rousing. Ran checked Kudoh's pulse at his throat before lifting an eyelid. "You utter bastard!" he whispered, turning to glare at the nearest camera. _Hard to offer comfort to a man drugged into unconsciousness. At least he won't feel it when I move him around._ Ran suppressed a sense of relief and began work. _At least, I won't have to figure out what to say... Or look him in the eye._

Knowing his teammate couldn't feel what he was doing and reluctant to risk inflicting further damage, Ran moved methodically, slowly. He checked each contusion for broken skin, tested joints for swelling and mobility, probed for hidden fractures, and washed Kudoh's body. _He walked at least a little, so his legs must be mostly all right, but..._ Ran rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. _He's going to wonder who did this. Damn Crawford! Maybe..._

As he taped gauze over one of the worst skinned spots on Kudoh's left foot, Ran leaned forward so that his hair touched Kudoh's skin and calmly placed gauze and tape over a few strands. He managed not to flinch visibly as he pulled back. _He'll notice that. Kudoh's not stupid._

When Ran rolled Kudoh over, he noted that Kudoh had fewer bruises on his back. _I suppose I should be grateful._ Then another thought struck him, and he froze for a second. _I'm going to have to look... there. I don't know how badly Naoe hurt him. Christ._ Ran felt a strong desire to empty his own stomach. _Aya-chan's going to wonder why I pick at my food tonight..._ His hands continued working, automatically sponging skin and spreading salve, moving gently down Kudoh's back.

His hands hesitated when he reached the curve of Kudoh's buttocks. _There's not a lot of blood. Not much at all._ Touching Kudoh was starting to feel more and more like a violation. _I'm not the rapist! Wash him. Apply salve. Don't think about it._

Finally, he parted Kudoh's cheeks and began to clean between them. He found more dried blood there, less than he'd feared, more than he'd hoped. _It could be worse. Maybe Naoe was gentler than it sounded._ But Ran's mind kept replaying what he'd heard. _That scream and... Kudoh sounded like it hurt a lot. And Naoe wasn't gentle with him any other way._ Ran snorted contempt. _Not by the look of those bruises._

Ran's eyes prickled with tears. _I will_ not _be that weak! I owe Kudoh that much._ He continued to move methodically down Kudoh's body. When he finished, he rocked back and ran the back of his hand across his forehead. _No broken bones. I'm not sure about concussion. Those shoulders are going to hurt like hell, but I don't think they're dislocated._ He leaned forward again and rolled Kudoh onto his back.

Ran straightened the other man's body and tucked the blanket around him. _What else? Right. Shaving._ Ran looked rather dubiously at Kudoh's face. Bruises had changed the contours. _This isn't going to be easy._ He considered, briefly, skipping that step; his own personal experience told him that scraping sharp metal over bruises did nothing to decrease their pain. _But... "Give him a shave. I don't think we want Nagi doing that."_ His imagination offered an image of Kudoh bleeding from numerous nicks and slashes, of Naoe smiling with sadistic mania while he wielded a razor. Ran shuddered mentally and was briefly pleased that he had sufficient control not to do it physically.

Ran pushed Kudoh's hair back from his forehead. "No reason for you to be uncomfortable," he said softly. Somehow, looking at Kudoh this way wasn't quite as bad. _Oh. He reminds me of Aya-chan. There's no resemblance but the unconsciousness, but..._ Ran rose in a smooth movement, taking the basin of dirty water with him. He crossed the cell to the sink and poured out the water before using the shower to rinse and refill the basin. He also rinsed the cloth he'd been using.

When he returned to the pallet, he considered for a moment before sitting cross legged and slipping his legs under Kudoh's head. "I don't know if it'll help, but it might keep your pillow dry." _Talking to him helps._ Ran blinked in surprise. "I think I'll also need to move you less. At least I hope so. I'm new at this, you know." _He can't hear you any more than she ever did._

"At least they gave us shaving cream, Kudoh. I wasn't sure after I realized they hadn't given us any painkillers." He let a small laugh creep into his voice. "That was before I realized you were out cold, of course. Painkiller of a different type." He continued his work in silence for a little while. When he'd visited Aya-chan in the hospital, he'd always talked about his day, his teammates, the shop. _What do I say to Kudoh? That I've got a nice room and eat family dinners with Crawford? Discuss Basho?_ "They let me talk to Hidaka once. He's pretty frustrated, but he did better than the rest of us. Apparently, he got three of the bastards before they took him down. He recognized some of them, definitely Kritiker. They got the rest of us in our sleep. They haven't gotten Tsukiyono to wake up for more than a few minutes at a time yet. Either he panics and thrashes around until they drug him again or he freezes and stares at nothing. Schuldig calls it post traumatic stress which I call a crock since the trauma's _now_."

Kudoh gave him no more response than Aya-chan ever had.

Ran hesitated as he moved the razor along Kudoh's neck. _If I cut, it'll take at least two minutes for them to get in here and probably another two out, especially if I fight. He'd be dead before they could get him treatment._ His fingers clenched a little tighter on the handle. _His carotid's right there. Arterial flow. He'd be out of this mess._ Ran shifted position to shield his action as much as possible from the cameras then froze. _I can't._ "Sorry Kudoh," he whispered, resuming shaving his unconscious teammate. _If I do that, it'll be Tsukiyono._ Omi _. I can't._

He blinked back the tears that threatened to make his task more difficult. _I wonder if this isn't actually the trap Crawford had in mind..._

******'

After several hours' sleep, the inside of Nagi's head was once more his own, and he prepared to face Crawford. He took his time, reveling in the little luxuries of having space of his own. _Whatever else I may think of our current employer, he's not stingy on accommodations. No more wondering if Crawford's had the last of the coffee or if I'll find that missing knife some place... inconvenient. Or if Schuldig's up to something._ He snorted at the thought. _Schuldig's always planning something. I just don't have to see that look at breakfast anymore._

Deciding to save himself some trouble, he called Crawford's cell phone. _No point chasing around after him._

Crawford answered immediately after the second ring. "Crawford."

"I'm up."

"Half hour. My office."

Nagi shrugged as the connection ended. _More time than I need. Maybe... Yes._

He left his quarters and spent a while strolling through the complex's gardens, the one place he felt no need to think. One of the foreign trees the name of which he'd never learned was blooming. He reached out fingers of power to caress the petals. _Not as soft or as sweet as cherry blossoms, but..._ He closed his eyes, threw his arms out and let his head fall back. For just a moment, Naoe Nagi ceased to exist as a separate entity. He lost himself in his sense of the ground beneath him, the air around him, and all the growth surrounding him.

Nagi sighed and opened his eyes. He knew that these interludes worried Crawford and annoyed Schuldig. _Crawford tolerates them because I insist, because I do need this, but he's right. Someday I won't bother coming back._ Nagi smiled a little. _Just not for a long time yet. Schuldig... Schuldig can kiss my ass. He just doesn't like that I can hide from him._

Nagi left the garden without looking back. Nodding occasionally in response to greetings from people he passed, he made his way to Crawford's office. Crawford's secretary wasn't at her desk, so Nagi simply knocked and walked in.

Crawford sat behind his desk, leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. _He looks tired. I suppose keeping all of this going isn't easy. Well, that's his problem, at least until he tells me what the hell he's trying to do._

As Nagi walked in, Crawford opened his eyes. "Feeling better?"

Nagi simply nodded in response. He reached out and moved his favorite chair to where he planned to sit, then strolled over to sit down.

Crawford sat up.

Nagi remained silent, simply watching, waiting. After a moment, he sighed internally. _At least I seem to have his full attention._ "So what's to debrief? You watched the whole thing." Nagi kept his tone even.

"What I'm after is more subjective," Crawford replied. "What do you think of Kudoh?"

Nagi considered. "I don't have enough information yet. It would help if I knew what direction you wanted me to be looking in."

"How smart is he?"

Nagi shrugged. "I don't think he was at his best. Why not look at the Kritiker files? I'm sure there's an IQ test in there somewhere." _I had other things on my mind, Crawford._

Crawford waved a dismissive hand. "Irrelevant. Just think of Fujimiya's scores and tell me if you think Kritiker's assessment relates to reality. He did well enough at his fancy school, and he's damn good at killing people, but... He's a moron. Kritiker didn't see... We're talking different things altogether."

"Hm." _Got to concede that one... Which brings up a question of mine._ "Fujimiya watched, didn't he?"

Nagi couldn't mistake the contempt in Crawford's expression. "He turned his back and listened. Listened! After ordering Kudoh to cooperate. What kind of leader does that make him?"

 _That offends you, doesn't it, Crawford?_ "Kudoh'd already made his decision. I don't think he'd have changed his mind even if Fujimiya'd reacted differently." _And I didn't come here to listen to you discuss Fujimiya. Again._ "How is Kudoh now?"

"I had him sedated. I wasn't sure how long you'd be out." Crawford's response seemed almost apologetic. "You didn't seem up to making the decision."

 _Ah. That's it. Crawford's apologizing for playing with my toy._ Nagi raised an eyebrow. "Does that matter?"

"After your insistence that Schuldig not interfere, I thought you'd prefer..."

Nagi managed to keep his smile off his face. "Schuldig wouldn't have cared if what he did made my lessons more difficult." _And I'll stick to the "lessons" story unless you actually want to tell me what's really going on._ "It's hard to use a textbook when someone else keeps rewriting it. You trip over things that used to be true."

"I'd prefer to remain in an advisory role, Nagi. You should be the one to make those decisions."

Nagi narrowed his eyes. _What the hell is_ that _about, Crawford?_ "I'd probably have done the same. He needed to sleep." Nagi leaned back in his chair. "Did you have someone take a look at him? I don't think I gave him a concussion, but... Judging those blows was a tricky business."

"No permanent damage." Crawford picked up a pen and started turning it over between his fingers. "It's not as if he didn't ask for it."

 _Yes, he_ did _ask for it. I have to think about that. But what's Crawford after? Oh._ "Crawford-san, if you're asking if I feel guilty about it, the answer's no. Next time just ask. I'm sick of tests in disguise."

Crawford regarded Nagi appraisingly for a long moment. Crawford nodded abruptly. "Very well. Can you break him?"

"Of course." Nagi met Crawford's gaze squarely. "Schuldig would be faster, though." _Poor bastard. Kudoh hasn't got a chance. I don't know if I want to see that in his eyes. But Crawford's trusting me... Why?_

Crawford snorted. "I said 'break' not 'destroy.' I want him usable afterward. Schuldig's attention span won't encompass that. Not as a general rule." He sighed and set the pen down. "I can't handle all four of them. Hidaka and Fujimiya are about my limit given the other things I have to deal with."

"Why Kudoh?"

"I'm not sure Tsukiyono's salvageable. He's right on the edge of shattering permanently. Any mistake-- and you'll make mistakes, I guarantee-- will push him over. He's too powerful a lever on the others to lose that way." Crawford began tapping his fingers on his desk.

 _He doesn't usually fidget this much, at least not when someone's watching._ "If we keep drugging him, we'll lose him anyway." Nagi placed just the slightest emphasis on the word 'we.' _Let's see how much he's going to trust me..._

"Yes, we will." Nagi thought he heard an answering emphasis on the pronoun. "I'm considering sticking him and Fujimiya together. It'll at least keep Fujimiya from sulking."

"Fujimiya will become more hostile if I... work with... Kudoh." _I'm sure he already wants to rip my head off. And his reactions are pretty straightforward._ "And then there's Hidaka." _Have a solution to that one, boss?_

"Fujimiya's easy enough. We just have to make him feel responsible, and his guilt will do the rest." Crawford frowned. "Hidaka's more difficult, but I don't expect his opinion to matter for long. Besides, he won't know unless we tell him."

 _What are you playing at? What do you need from Hidaka that you think you can get that soon?_ Nagi blew his breath out his nose. "Does that mean you already have Fujimiya in hand?"

"I sent him in to do the clean up after Kudoh was unconscious." Crawford's tone seemed to indicate that he thought Nagi would understand all the implications of that statement.

 _Oh, well, I'm sure I'll figure it out._ Nagi added it to the list of things he needed to think about when he had time. _But it comes after Kudoh's reactions. Those are more important._ "What did he do?"

"Exactly what I'd told him to." Crawford didn't bother to disguise the satisfaction in his voice. "A push or two more, and Fujimiya will be entirely ours." His expression became more serious. "Kudoh won't know unless you tell him, so Fujimiya's visit shouldn't cause you any problems."

 _Oh, yes, he's serious about this._ "So you really do want me making all the decisions." Nagi only just managed not to make it a question. _He trusts me to do this?_

"Absolutely. If you hit a snag, feel free to ask my opinion, but..." Crawford shrugged. "It's better if the work's done all in one style, and I'll want you holding his leash later. Also, if you really screw up, Kudoh's disposable."

 _What a boost to my ego, Crawford._ "Do you have a timeframe in mind?" Nagi wasn't sure Crawford would understand the origin of the edge in Nagi's response but decided that he didn't much care.

"Not really."

 _Liar._

Crawford met Nagi's eyes. "It'll take as long as it takes, Nagi. It's still a lesson of sorts."

"I see." Nagi rose to his feet. "I'd better go get started." He walked all the way to the door before turning back to address Crawford once more. "Congratulations, Crawford-san. You can still play me pretty well." He turned and left without looking back. _Let him stew over that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: To address a point that came up in beta reading, Crawford's Japanese is excellent. He's quite capable of using the various forms of address correctly or of misusing them as appropriate to his purpose. In addressing Ran, Crawford's use of "onii-san" falls more into the latter category. From what I understand, "onii-san" is commonly used (1) to address an older brother formally, (2) to address a stranger who is of appropriate age to be the speaker's sibling and (3) by children when addressing adult men within a certain age range. It can also be combined with an acquaintance's name for a more familiar form of address than using [name]+san while still retaining a certain level of respectful formality. In this case, however, Crawford's rather more forcing Ran to keep in mind the fact that Crawford's involved with Aya-chan, and Ran knows it.
> 
> Note 2: Basho Matsuo is a well known and highly respected 17th century Japanese poet. For more information check the following websites, at least as a starting place. I'm not much into haiku, so I can't offer any opinions on the quality of Basho's work, but this seemed like the sort of thing Ran might read.  
> http://hkuhist2.hku.hk/Nakasendo/basho.htm  
> http://www.big.or.jp/~loupe/links/ehisto/ebasho.shtml  
> http://members.aol.com/markabird/basho.html


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age (I'm assuming he's 18 but still) combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter.

As Yohji woke, he was aware of three things. First, his bladder felt about to burst. Second, he was starving. Third and most disturbing, he didn't hurt nearly as much as he ought to.

He levered himself to a sitting position, pulled the blanket more closely about himself, and looked around. Someone had obviously cleaned the floor. _And I didn't notice._ He widened his eyes in a brief flare and clenched his jaw a little. _I don't know how sensitive those damn cameras are, but..._ A covered tray lay beside the door to the cell. _Food. I just have to get it._ He glanced over at the toilet. _Did he put the mattress on the opposite side of the cell on purpose? Well, getting it soaked by the shower_ would _be stupid._

Yohji rose to his feet, deliberately tangling his legs in the blanket as he rose, making the movement awkward. He considered bringing the blanket along but decided against it. _Modesty's not in character even now._ He hunched his shoulders a little, stooping in an almost cringe as he started to walk. _I wish I could escape those cameras... I wonder if Ran's watching now?_

He didn't have to fake a flinch when he realized that light bandages covered some of the skinned spots on his legs. _I didn't notice_ that _either._ Without stopping his forward progress, he took a quick inventory. Someone had definitely washed him. He smelled antiseptic again, not Nagi, not his own sweat and blood. His bruises had faded to soft browns, and he thought he'd lost weight. _A lot of weight. My shoulders still hurt, but they're not swollen. How long was I out? A week? Christ. Did I miss the physical therapist too?_

He openly checked his stubble and surreptitiously looked for i.v. bruises as he used the toilet. _Shorter. Someone shaved me. No marks. But I'm not thirsty enough._ He drank anyway then retrieved his new cup from the box that had arrived while Nagi'd been present. _I'm not going to want to come over here unless I have to._ His hands shook as he lifted it, so he only filled it about three quarters of the way. _Nicotine withdrawal. Has to be. No. I know better, and once I start lying to myself..._ But he got himself a new patch anyway. _How's being unconscious going to affect this? Should I need less? I don't feel like I need less._

He looked over at the tray and felt a powerful reluctance to go anywhere near it. _Probably drugged and too near the damn door._ His hands shook a little harder. _And now I see the door as dangerous... A very bad sign._ He considered showering now while he was on that side of the cell anyway, but the hollow feeling in his belly decided him. _Only game in town._

He started off across the cell toward his pallet then made a darting side trip to grab the tray. His pride called for more leisurely movement, but he ruthlessly pushed that pride aside. _I need to look worse than I am, not better._

The relief that he felt on regaining his bed told him that he was nearer to the edge than he'd wanted to think. He almost collapsed into a sitting position and pulled the blanket around himself once more, more for comfort than for warmth or modesty. _And it is comforting. Totally fake that, but I'll take what I can get._

Lifting the lid off the tray revealed miso, rice and some sort of stewed fruit, all still warm. _So they timed the drugs accurately... No utensils... What's that?_ A folded piece of paper lay partially under the rice bowl. Its position didn't conceal it particularly, so he assumed that it was a message from his jailers rather than anything secret. _Still..._ He let it sit while he drank the soup then palmed it as he picked up the rice bowl.

He forced himself to eat slowly. He had no way of knowing how long he'd been without food, and he knew that too much, too fast could hurt him. After a bite or two, he put down the rice for a minute and pulled his hands inside the folds of the blanket. There, obscured from the cameras, his fingers unfolded the piece of paper. As soon as it was unfolded, he picked up the rice again and ate another bite or two.

Then he put the bowl down again and shifted position. He bent to pull at the edges of one of bandages on his right leg and looked at the paper.

Yohji-kun,  
Sorry about the simplicity of the meal, but your stomach won't handle anything complicated at the moment. After you're done, put the tray and dishes by the door. More food will not be forthcoming until you do that, today or on other occasions.  
I will visit again when my schedule permits.  
Naoe Nagi

Hopes he'd not realized he cherished abandoned him as he read. He laid his head on his knee, willing his body to stop shaking. _It couldn't have been anybody else. I knew that. I knew that._

He ripped one of the gauze patches from his leg, welcoming the pain as the tape stripped hair. His fingers told him that that bandage was relatively fresh. He could still feel a little ointment of some sort in the material. The skin beneath showed no mark. He frowned. _What the hell?_ He closed his eyes and thought. _That was skinned, not cut. It would have healed by now, at least judging by how the bruises have gone. But why put bandages on after it's healed? Something's not right._ His mind flashed to the bruising he'd had when he'd first awakened in the cell. _That disappeared too fast..._

He pulled the other bandages off with a bit more care. The mystery combined with the need for some level of precision focused his attention enough that he stopped shaking. He turned each piece of gauze over in his fingers, seeking answers that weren't there. A bandage on his left foot yielded a clue of another sort, four hairs the color of newly shed blood.

 _Ran. He was here._ Yohji stripped the hairs from the tape, careful not to let it appear that he was doing more with this bandage than with the others. _Bastards._ He had to force himself not to curl in physically again, and tears rose in his eyes. _Better him than some stranger. What must he think? He knew anyway..._ But somehow that didn't make the knowledge that Ran had cleaned him any less shaming. Sudden queasiness made him regret the food he'd already consumed. _I haven't felt shame-- I shouldn't feel shame._ I _didn't do anything wrong._ He tucked the hairs inside his pillowcase.

 _No, just eat. I can't afford not to._ He forced himself to work his way slowly through the rest of the rice and then to start on the fruit. After he was done, he contemplated the tray. _I need to shower anyway._ He piled the bandages with the dishes on the tray and steadfastly refused to examine the reasons why he thought he needed a shower.

He used the washcloth and scrubbed until his skin was red and starting to feel raw. He knew he needed to look like he was punishing himself, but he also found himself craving the self inflicted pain. _It's_ not _my body's fault... I'm really not going to know what's real and what's pretense, am I?_

He retreated to his bed, hugged his pillow to his chest, and wrapped himself in the blanket again. Once there, he sat and waited. He did his best to look utterly miserable and didn't find it much of a stretch. _If they realize I can get any sort of sane perspective on this, they won't give me time to think, and I need to think, to plan, to figure things out. I need to recover my strength. Hm. Can I make a workout look like something I'm doing because I hate myself? Of course I can. It'll just leave me... I won't be able to defend myself when_ he _comes back. Like I can anyway..._

Eventually, the door opened and a man he didn't recognize stepped in and set a new tray down, picking up the old one before stepped back into the antechamber. The stranger didn't spare more than a glance at Yohji. _And that glance didn't actually see me, just made sure I was where I'm supposed to be._

He ate twice more before exhaustion overtook him, and he had to sleep again. He considered carefully and decided that it was just a normal tiredness. _Of course, what the hell do I know? Well, I know this much. He'll be back tomorrow. If he's coming at all, it'll be then._ A sudden tightness in his throat and belly reminded him that, much as he might pretend otherwise, he feared Nagi's return. _Guess I am lying to myself..._

When he woke, he was curled up with his back to the room, gripping his pillow to his chest again. _Like a fucking teddy bear..._ He pulled himself up with his back to the wall and stared out at the room. He let his eyes defocus as if he couldn't quite take in what he was seeing. _Like I need to see it! Floor. Walls. Cameras._ He suppressed the impulse to flip off the cameras as he had the first time he'd awakened in the cell. Instead he clenched his hands more tightly in the fabric of his pillow.

 _He'll be here soon._ Yohji forced his fingers to relax. _Want to bet they don't feed me until after he leaves?_ He put his face into the pillow, smothering a laugh. _Yep. Already an expert. I could be wrong. He might get off on the power to make me barf, but... I don't think so. So far as he's concerned, the point's made._

 _Damn! I wish I had something solid to work with. A few years' experience, that's it. I'll figure out his buttons faster than he'll get mine, but so what? The ability to make him hurt me isn't exactly..._ He raised his head a little and looked across the cell. _Control. That's the only scrap of it I've got. It's just going to hurt like hell._

He ran his tongue over his teeth and thought about brushing. _Fuck that! He should count himself lucky I can't pick my own food. If he doesn't like it-- I need to move._ Yohji practically threw himself to his feet, tossing the pillow back on the mattress as he rose.

He moved through his routine with greater speed and force than was normal. His body complained, and he had to fight occasional tremors. _I haven't eaten enough. Or maybe it's withdrawal. When was my last patch?_ After he stumbled the third time, he gave in. He forced himself to remain on his feet long enough to shower. _No point getting the bedding filthy any faster..._

He hadn't been sitting for more than five minutes when he heard the sound of the door. He tensed, his instincts demanding that he get up and _do_ something. Instead he raised his head slowly. _Sure as hell knows how to make an entrance. Who's he imitating? Ah. Both of them._

Nagi's posture combined Schuldig's awareness of his body and sense of presence with Crawford's careful control. His clothing was clearly modeled on Crawford's but in charcoal gray as opposed to the American's usual white. Nagi stepped into the cell with Crawford's precision and Schuldig's grace.

 _Stop staring!_ Yohji forced his eyes away and curled himself tighter, pressing against the wall.

"Hello, Yohji-kun. I brought you something."

Yohji looked up and was startled to find a stuffed cat floating toward him. It halted in midair, just outside of the space defined by the edges of the mattress.

"I thought you should use your pillow for its original purpose." Nagi's face was carefully expressionless, but Yohji thought he saw tension in Nagi's stance.

 _Of course. It's a test of sorts._ Yohji found himself flushing, half from anger and half from shame. _Fortunately, I don't think Nagi can tell the difference._ Yohji met Nagi's eyes, carefully keeping his expression flat. He reached out and grasped the toy. As he pulled it toward him, he eyed it carefully. _Expensive._ The fur was soft, short and black. The cat was about half a meter long and about half that in height. Yohji stroked it once before setting the toy down. _Very expensive._

Nagi smiled just a little. "How are you feeling, Yohji-kun?"

Yohji cleared his throat, not wanting his voice to break on the words. "I've been better." He put a little challenge in his tone, but mostly he just sounded tired.

"I suppose you have." Nagi reached out a hand behind him, and the briefcase Yohji recalled from the last visit or one very like it floated into his grasp. Nagi's power kept it steady in midair as he snapped it open. "Come here."

Yohji briefly considered refusing. _Don't be stupid, Kudoh. He'll just drag you over anyway._ He climbed slowly to his feet and reluctantly walked toward Nagi.

Nagi didn't look up, but his body language told Yohji that that younger man was paying close attention.

Yohji stopped about a meter from Nagi and stood with the tension in his body pulling him away from Nagi, as if only force of will were keeping him from backing up. _Which it is,_ he thought sourly. _Only I wouldn't normally let him see that. I have some pride. Still._

"Turn around."

Yohji flinched just a little. He turned his back on Nagi and fought to keep from trembling. _Idiot! What did you think he was going to do?_ He began to shake in earnest when Nagi's fingers stroked their way lightly along his spine.

"How are your shoulders, Yohji-kun?" Nagi's hands caressed Yohji's upper arms.

"Better than they were, Nagi-san." Yohji couldn't hide the tremor in his voice. _And I don't want to. Really._

Nagi's hands were warm against Yohji's skin as he bent Yohji's arms at the elbows and fastened them with what felt like the same strap they'd used last time. "Good. This will hurt less then. I'd rather not make matters worse."

Yohji tried to reassure the panicked part of his brain that being bound didn't really make him any more helpless than he'd been a few seconds before. _Logically sound but_ not _reassuring._ He could feel Nagi's breath on his back. _Is he doing that on purpose? Yes, I think he is._

Nagi remained standing close to Yohji for several seconds after he finished. "You should take better care of yourself," Nagi said softly. "Your body's still exhausted." Nagi stepped forward, pressing against Yohji's back and placing his left arm around Yohji's waist.

Yohji shuddered, and his knees almost gave out on him. Nagi's arm tightened its grip. _I'd have fallen... Never mind. I want him to see that. Yeah, but I don't want it to be real._ "If you'd let me wake up, eat more often, I wouldn't be so weak. How long was it this time?"

Nagi laughed. There wasn't much sound, but Yohji could feel the vibration where his arms pressed against Nagi's abdomen. Nagi guided Yohji toward the floor, settling him in a kneeling position before releasing him. "You don't understand yet, Yohji-kun." Nagi rose and moved to stand in front of Yohji.

 _I've got to stop shaking._ Yohji looked up at Nagi, focusing his eyes on the wet spots his hair had left on Nagi's chest. _No. No. It's perfect. As long as I separate my head from my body..._ "So tell me." He let frustration show in his tone. "Or is keeping me guessing more fun?"

Nagi came down to Yohji's level and pushed hair from Yohji's eyes. "It has its moments," he replied dryly.

 _That sense of humor's damn dangerous._ Yohji found himself smiling just a little in response.

"It's only been about 40 hours, Yohji-kun."

Yohji bit back an angry response. _Wait. See how he explains it._

"When we brought you in, we gave you--you, Abyssinian and Bombay--a special medical treatment. You've got very, very tiny machines everywhere in your body now that will do their best to repair damage." Nagi flashed a smile. "A genuine asset in our profession, I'm sure you'll agree. They speed recovery a lot, but they need fuel. That's why you lost weight."

For a moment, Yohji's mind staggered under the concept. _But is it really any weirder than the other stuff we've run into? No. It's just that it's been done to_ me. He reached for a question he could handle. "Why just the three of us? Why not Siberian?"

"Crawford said," and Yohji could hear a certain distancing in Nagi's voice, "that broken bones would give us a window of opportunity with Siberian. The nanites would have healed him in a matter of days rather than weeks."

Yohji nodded his understanding. _That's... cold. Good. I need the reminder._

"Up to a point, you'll recover from anything that doesn't kill you outright, at least if you eat properly. You'll need a booster every few months--"

"What happens if I don't get the booster?"

Nagi shrugged. "My understanding-- I've never seen it myself, but my understanding is that it varies. For most people, the healing effect just wanes gradually. Some people, maybe as many as one in a hundred, die."

Yohji's eyes widened in shock. Nagi moved in closer. "Don't worry. We didn't do anything to make you more likely to die." Nagi cupped a hand under Yohji's chin and ran the fingers of his other hand down Yohji's neck. "This time."

Yohji sat frozen as he tried to respond to both Nagi's touch and Nagi's words. _Fuck._

Nagi tugged gently at Yohji's chin, turning his face, making it easier to bring their lips together. There was nothing tentative or exploratory about this kiss. Nagi's lips pressed Yohji's with almost bruising force. Nagi's other hand cupped the back of Yohji's head, pushing Yohji forward even as he tried to pull back.

Yohji braced himself mentally for pain that didn't come. Nagi's teeth tugged at Yohji's lower lip but didn't break skin. _Go with it. Forget it's him. Assuming I can._ Yohji extended his tongue to touch Nagi's upper lip then pushed himself forward just a little. _Careful. Just enough force, not too much._ Nagi's teeth released Yohji's lip. _Breathe now. That's what he's doing. Okay, back to business._ Their tongues met and pushed at each other. _A little challenge..._ Nagi rose to his knees. _He wants to dominate. Bet me being taller pisses him off..._ Nagi's hand tangled in Yohji's hair and pulled his head back, and Nagi bore down from above to keep their lips together. _Not that that helps me any._

Yohji flinched, tried to pull back. _No, bad idea. Don't let him see that._ He transformed that movement into an arching of his back that pushed his chest against the cloth of Nagi's jacket. _Yeah, flirt a little. If he'll let me._ Yohji rolled his shoulders from side to side. Nagi's grip on Yohji's hair tightened, becoming painful, but the angle of the pull didn't shift, so Yohji pushed upward, trying to deepen the kiss and make it his. _I challenge._ Nagi's other hand gripped Yohji's shoulder, fingers squeezing with bruising strength.

Yohji relaxed as much as he could. _I yield._ After a moment, Nagi's grip on Yohji's shoulder eased. Nagi pulled Yohji upright, released Yohji's hair and moved back a little.

"Very good, Yohji-kun." Nagi smiled in victorious amusement. "I'm glad to see a little enthusiasm on your part."

 _Liar._ Yohji's eyes moved from Nagi's face to the rest of his body. _Look at the set of his shoulders. And he's not sure what to do with that hand._ Yohji bent his head forward, letting his hair mask his expression. _This isn't about what he wants either because he didn't want that. Well, my surrender, yes. The rest... I think he really wants to hit me again._ He forced his breath in and out in uneven gasps. After a moment, he lifted his head. Impotent rage just bordering on the desperate shone in his eyes as he glared at Nagi. _That's right. You won that one. Mostly. At least the battle you_ think _we were fighting. But we both know the stakes, and I don't think you're certain that I know. Balinese wouldn't... But that's not who I am._

 _But why_ not _hit me? If he's not lying, I'll heal, and he won't have to wait long either._ Yohji paled a little. He looked away, hoping the reaction could be taken for rage rather than fear. _Of course, Balinese might get that..._ "So what's the lesson this time?"

"Just a little bit of play. We're still in the introductory chapter." Nagi ran the backs of his fingers along Yohji's chest, just brushing the edge of Yohji's right arm.

 _Balinese is a hedonist. He'd enjoy the moment even knowing it'll go bad._ Yohji arched into the touch as if trying to guide it to more sensitive skin. He shook his head to flip his hair back. _Yes, he'd show off a little too._ He let his eyelids slide partly closed both to heighten the effect and to conceal his careful scrutiny of the other man's body language. _He's trying not to let anything through, but... He doesn't want to touch me like this. And my response makes it worse._

Yohji opened his eyes fully and stopped moving. "It does get easier, Nagi-san," he said. _What the hell did I do that for?_

Nagi froze for a fraction of a second, his eyes widening. His recovery was almost instant, but Yohji noted the lapse.

 _Cover! Cover!_ Yohji smiled. "I believe the terms of the... bargain... require me to share my wisdom with you." His expression flattened. "In return," he practically bit off the words, "you keep your hands the fuck off of Omi." _He's got to know I saw that. What's he going to do about it?_

A telekinetic slap snapped Yohji's head to one side. "When I want advice, I'll ask." Nagi's response was icy.

Yohji pulled himself back to a centered, upright position and met Nagi's eyes for just a second. Then he very deliberately turned his head so that the other side of his face was toward Nagi. "Hit me again, Nagi-san. It's not like I can stop you." Yohji let the full weight of his bitterness escape in his words. He closed his eyes. _He might do it, too... I don't think he's very stable._ Yohji's shoulders trembled as he sat waiting. _Thank god he's not going to touch Omi. I won't let him touch Omi._

Yohji's eyes flew open as he felt his body lifted by Nagi's power. _What the--_ He slammed against the wall and, for a moment, lost track of what was going on. His legs separated, and he struggled against the force holding him. _No! What's he doing?_

"Don't move." Nagi's voice came low and dangerous. "I don't want to do anything _accidentally_." He stood, stepped back and pointed directly at Yohji. Then he very slowly and deliberately shifted so that he was pointing to Yohji's right.

Yohji forced himself to relax but couldn't suppress a reaction when the wall behind him shook as if something very heavy had smashed into it. _Fuck!_ He kicked and swung his head around wildly. For a second, he couldn't breathe through the tightness of his panic. _I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die--_

Nagi pointed to Yohji's left, and the wall shook again. _Is that a dent?_ Yohji managed to inhale. He coughed as he choked on the scent of scorched plastic. _I can feel heat. I'm really going to die..._ He closed his eyes. He felt the wall shake again. _That was--_ He made himself go utterly still. This time the heat touched his inner thighs. _Don't move. Don't move at all._

Nagi's next blows seemed to have less force, but each brushed Yohji's skin before impacting the wall beside him. Yohji clenched his jaw and fought to remain as still as possible. He kept his eyes closed. _Breathe, damn it! He's got good control, and he's just trying to scare the hell out of you. Yeah, well, he's succeeding..._ Tears streaked his cheeks. Whimpering sobs rattled in his throat.

Finally, Yohji felt the impacts stop. The same force that had held him pinned lowered him the the floor and pulled him back to kneel about a meter from Nagi's feet. Yohji opened his eyes. _What now?_ His guts clenched, and he fought the urge to vomit. _Got nothing to bring up. No._ He shuddered and gasped for breath, then looked up at Nagi's face. _Cold. Cold, but he's angry as hell. I touched something bad... I will never, never do that again. Never._

"Do you _really_ want me to hit you again, Yohji-kun? I might not kill you, but then again... You might get lucky." Nagi pointed directly at Yohji again.

Yohji froze, staring up at Nagi. His mind scrambled for words that eluded his mental grasp. Finally he bowed his head, letting it fall almost to his knees. "I still can't stop you," he whispered. He felt his shoulders tighten as he waited. _I don't want to die._

Yohji heard the sound of Nagi's shoes hitting the floor as the younger man stepped forward. "If you were a dog, you'd be showing me belly right now."

Yohji couldn't read the tone of Nagi's words. "Is that what you want, Nagi-san?" Yohji's voice trembled. His stomach clenched again, telling him that if he had recently eaten anything it'd be coming back up right now, regardless of his wishes. _I screwed up. I really, really screwed up._

"No." Then Nagi was on one knee beside Yohji, tangling a hand in his hair and pulling him upright. "If I want to fuck a dog, I'll get one." Yohji flinched then whimpered at the resulting pain in his scalp as Nagi leaned in close. Nagi's next words were barely more than breath against Yohji's ear. "You are _not_ allowed to feel sorry for _me_."

Yohji shuddered at the vehemence of Nagi's words and could offer no resistance as the younger man shoved his face back toward the floor. _I didn't mean to! Please, I didn't mean to!_ The pressure from Nagi's hand didn't let up, and Yohji turned his head a little to keep from hitting his nose. There was little he could do about the strain on his back and shoulders. Nagi ground Yohji's head against the floor but didn't try to turn his head to its previous orientation.

"But if you can't keep your _advice_ to yourself--" Nagi gave the word a bitterly sarcastic edge. "I will gag you."

Yohji began to struggle only to find Nagi's power closed on his hips and torso like a vice. He took a shuddering breath and forced his body into stillness. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san--" Yohji despised himself for the sob that accompanied the words, and he couldn't stop tears sliding from his eyes. "I didn't mean to--"

"I know, Yohji-kun." Nagi's words seemed softer. "But everything you do has repercussions anyway. I can't excuse you that." He eased the pressure on Yohji's head, reducing it to just enough to keep Yohji's ear on the floor. Nagi shifted his grip so that his hand pressed on Yohji's neck while the fingers of his other hand stroked Yohji's hair.

 _He's bothered by the fact that I saw that he was having trouble. That's it._ Yohji pulled his mind away from his body as much as he could. _Intellectual analysis is so damn much safer. No, he's bothered by the fact that he_ had _trouble more than because I saw it. Control. He's all about control. And I think he loses some when he touches me physically. Telekinetically... he doesn't do more than he intended. Or less. Except once._

Yohji's tears continued to drip toward the floor. _He's back in control. Fast. He reacts fast. Why's he letting me think?_ Nagi's free hand continued to caress Yohji's hair. _He didn't mean to lose control, and it changes his plans. He needs a moment too... It's certainly not mercy._

******'

"Onii-san, what a surprise!"

Ran jumped guiltily at the unexpected sound of Crawford's voice behind him. _I didn't mean to watch! I just got caught by the stuff about nanites. I'm not-- I don't want to--_ He turned rapidly, rather relieved no longer to be able to see the monitor showing Kudoh's cell. "Crawford." Ran kept his tone cold and even. _I'm not embarrassed. Not. Nothing's happened yet._

"Oh, don't let me interrupt." Crawford gestured casually toward the screen. "I'm sure it's quite a show. Of course, I am taping it for later viewing. I can let you borrow a copy."

Ran snarled. "I don't need anything from you!" _Especially not that._

Crawford smiled, and Ran's guts froze. _He doesn't look like that unless..._

"Actually, I was thinking about your request. About Bombay," Crawford clarified when Ran looked puzzled. "Yes, that one. I've decided that it's a good idea. You can look after him, make sure I'm not doing anything evil to him."

Ran nodded, feeling hope rising within him.

"Of course..."

 _Bastard._

"We will have to change a few things. I think you'll need a little more space with two of you. We can move your things without too much trouble, but those--" Crawford nodded toward the monitors. "Those will have to remain behind." He smiled tightly. "I think they'd be dreadfully upsetting for the boy."

Ran felt himself flush then go white.

Crawford stepped closer to Ran, invading his personal space. "And anything upsetting will impede his recovery. It's only a good idea if it helps. Of course, if the monitors are more important..."

"Tsukiyono's more important." Ran knew he was trapped, but, as always when dealing with Crawford, he was at a loss as to what else he could do. _Kudoh and Hidaka would agree._ Ran resolutely ignored the voice inside himself that told him that it was shameful to abandon his other teammates. _What else can I do?_

Ran could see cold contempt on Crawford's face and looked away. "Kudoh would understand." _And I won't have to see any more of this... I really don't want to see any more of this. Really._ And if he wasn't entirely convinced, he didn't have to examine the feeling any more closely.

*****'

Eventually, Yohji's breathing eased. It had been coming in painful gasps, rattling through his lungs. Calming it gave him something to focus on that had nothing to do with wondering what emotional landmines he might encounter next. _I can't not talk to him. I haven't got any other way to use my few weapons._

Nagi had continued silently stroking Yohji's hair. _He likes that. He's... comfortable... doing it. I don't think he's comfortable with anything sensual below my collar bone... I wonder how he'd react to me touching him... Not well, judging by the time I kissed him. If my arms weren't tied, I'd have done_ something _, and he'd have killed me. Fuck. I think Crawford did me a favor._

The pressure on Yohji's neck gradually eased until Nagi's hand merely rested there. Yohji made no effort to move. _I can keep still. I'm a hunter. I can do this. I can._ But exhaustion made his muscles tremble.

"If I let you up now, Yohji-kun, will you behave?"

"Yes, Nagi-san," Yohji whispered.

Nagi's power gently lifted Yohji into a sitting position. Yohji let his head hang forward until Nagi's fingers lifted his chin. "You _do_ understand?"

"Yes, Nagi-san." _I won't push that button again unless I have to._ Yohji swayed, his tired body threatening collapse. _I should have stopped the workout sooner. But it's more convincing this way. Of course, I don't think he could tell the difference right now._ He refrained from looking up at the cameras. _Damn well bet that Crawford can, though. And Schuldig..._ Yohji fought not to collapse under a wave of purely emotional nausea. _Don't think about him. He said he wouldn't interfere. Yeah, like I can believe that._

Yohji made himself meet Nagi's eyes. He knew his apprehension showed, but he also knew, intellectually at least, that letting Nagi see it didn't increase the danger. "I-- Please. I can't--" He wasn't even sure what he could ask for. _Help._ His lips formed the word, but no sound came out.

Nagi smiled. _He's back in control._ "Let's get you lying down, Yohji-kun." Nagi moved in closer and once again helped Yohji to lie on his back. _Just like last time... And now he'll rape me again._

This time, Yohji didn't bother to turn his head or close his eyes. He simply stared up at the ceiling. _A tender touch, non-sensual, doesn't bother him, at least, not enough to notice. But he only knows Balinese. I don't think there's much I could do that he won't consider a threat._

"Do you want the pillow this time?"

 _I'll be damned. I think the question's genuine._ "If it's all the same to you, Nagi-san, I think I'd rather not watch." Yohji was surprised to hear a dark humor in his own voice. He didn't bother trying to track Nagi's movements. _They'll be the same as last time or as near as makes no difference._

 _The legs move easier without the bruises. A hand on my ankle... There's the other hand._ A well lubricated finger pushed its way into Yohji's body. It twisted and tugged, stretching him. After a few seconds, another finger joined it.

When Nagi's probing fingers found Yohji's prostate, they lingered, stroking, striking, pushing. _What the-- God!_ Yohji moaned and gasped. _No. I don't want--_ For just a second, Yohji clenched his muscles, trying to expel the intruding digits. Then he stopped and gave a shuddering sob. _No. Balinese would enjoy it._ Yohji pushed thought aside and gave himself up to sensation.

Each touch made Yohji's cock twitch, and he felt it swell and harden. Then something touched it. _That's three hands..._ The contact was tentative, soft. Yohji raised his head for a second and caught a glimpse of his erection standing alone. He could see nothing touching it. _Telekinetic then._

Nagi's touch became more assured, squeezing and pumping. Yohji shuddered in response to the urgency building within his body, a glorious fire burning first hot then cold. After a subjective eternity, he came with a strangled cry.

He lost a few seconds then. When the light came back and he could see again, think again, he began to cry quietly. _Balinese wouldn't cry._ He turned his head to one side, hoping to hide his tears from Nagi. _I am not Balinese._ Nagi's hands were no longer on, in, Yohji's body. Yohji felt something rough, cold and wet touch his belly where the puddle of his semen was just starting to dry. _What? Oh, the washcloth..._ This touch was gentle but thorough, and after the first few seconds it paused for a long moment. _Fuck! He's noticed._ The washcloth moved again, wiping Yohji clean. Then it was gone.

Yohji heard Nagi moving. After a moment, he heard the sound of tearing plastic. _Any time now..._ Nagi entered Yohji's body more slowly this time, pushing in then drawing back before pushing in further. Yohji simply lay passive. _Did Ran watch this time? Did he see me... Did you like what you saw? How he made me cry then made me come then... Do you see me now? Lying here with Naoe on top of me, fucking me. God. I hope you're not watching me._

Nagi shifted several times, varying the angle, depth and speed of his thrusts. _Whatever you want to do, Nagi-san. Whatever..._ Nagi's breathing became harsher, his movements more agitated. Soon... Nagi went suddenly still, and his breath escaped as a hiss. _Good._

Nagi lay on top of Yohji for a moment then pulled out. _Now go clean yourself up. I want to be alone._ Nagi stood. His footsteps moved away. Yohji turned on his side and curled up. _That was worse. I didn't think it'd be worse._ He wanted desperately to lose himself in sleep, but Nagi was still in the cell with him, and Yohji couldn't let go of that knowledge and relax.

Yohji missed the sound of Nagi's return, so the first indication he had was Nagi's hands on him, lifting him. _It's his power too..._ Yohji found himself settled, cradled in Nagi's arms. _I should have heard him coming. I should have..._

"It was intended as a kindness, Yohji-kun. I thought you deserved something pleasant today," Nagi said in the quiet tone Yohji had come to assume was meant for him alone, too low to be picked up by the microphones.

 _He sounds sorry. Why is he sorry? I'm the one who-- No! There's no reason I should feel guilty. He should._ He _should..._ "I'm not Balinese!" Yohji replied in the same quiet voice. _Shit!_ His body jerked as he realized what he'd said. _What the hell did I say that for?_

Nagi's arms tightened, keeping Yohji from falling. "Yes. I'm starting to figure that out."

 _Oh, god, guys, I'm sorry!_

"I'll just have to find out who you actually are." Nagi stood. In a more normal tone, he said, "I'll just tuck you into bed, Yohji-kun."

Yohji shivered, suddenly feeling very cold. _He scared me more than I thought._ He leaned against Nagi's shoulder. _He's warm, and I think he kind of apologized. I think he even meant it. I'll have to-- I'll have to think about it later._

Nagi crossed the distance to Yohji's pallet quickly. He knelt but didn't put Yohji down. Instead he leaned a cheek on the top of Yohji's head and put both arms around Yohji's shoulders, pulling him close.

 _I don't want to think about how wrong this is. I don't have anything else._ Yohji turned his head to bury his face in Nagi's jacket. He pulled his legs in, pressing as much of his body as he could against Nagi. _Think anyway, damn it!_ he commanded himself. _I don't want to..._ Yohji sighed and tried to make his body relax. _You're in shock; that's all, and not just from the rape. He wanted to kill me! Yes, but he didn't. He doesn't like Balinese..._

 _Oh. Is that why I said it? Never mind. Can I use it? Oh, yes, just... not now._ He sniffled and rubbed his nose against Nagi's jacket. _Serve him right if I get him messy._

 _Is there going to be a better time?_ He pulled the fragments of his will together and started to open his mouth to speak. _That'll just give me mumbles and a mouthful of cloth._ He pulled his head back, searching for an angle at which he could look Nagi in the eyes.

At first, Yohji couldn't quite read the expression on Nagi's face. _Yes. I think he does feel guilty. Not bad enough to stop or not to use what he's gotten, but... Damn, I wish he wasn't so human._ Yohji let his eyes flicker to Nagi's and then away repeatedly. _Show him a little belly..._ Yohji resolutely squashed the surge of panic that thought caused. "Nagi-san..." Yohji struggled for control of his voice. _He'll notice the struggle, but I don't think he'll know what it's really about._ "Nagi-san, you don't... hate me... for Balinese? I..."

"Shh." Nagi leaned in to touch his lips to Yohji's forehead. "Shh. I'll take care of you." Nagi began to rock gently. "You're not alone."

Yohji sighed and relaxed as much as his sporadic shuddering would allow. _He's good. I hate dancing this close to the edge..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: My technical consultant (meaning my husband) tells me that "nanites" isn't the correct term for the technology currently swimming in Yohji's bloodstream. Apparently, the proper term would be "microbots" or something of the sort because nanites would be too small to do what Nagi says these do. I like the sound of "nanites" better, that and I think it's more likely to be familiar to readers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age (I'm assuming he's 18 but still) combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

 _Okay, what do I do with him now? That didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to. I meant to be kind, to talk, to... make it not... unpleasant. I didn't want to hurt him, but I couldn't let that pass. Could I? No, I can't afford to show weakness. But... He didn't react according to his profile. I wonder if the drugs are too strong... That might explain it, but I don't think so._ Nagi had already begun his analysis before the inner door closed behind him. _I broke him a little further than I meant to today. It's not too far yet, I think, but... I'd better back off a bit. I've got time to play with._ He waited patiently for the cycle to complete and the outer door to open. _It's not like I've got a hard deadline, anyway. I can give him some time to recover, maybe just talk. He's got to be going crazy with nothing to keep him occupied._

 _When he said that, he was trying to be kind-- Why the hell did he do that? I don't deserve it, not under the circumstances, but I don't think he was trying to do anything else. I think he slipped and said what he meant. Kindness._ Nagi clenched his hands for a second then relaxed them. _I don't need anybody to be_ nice _to me. And I should use that weakness against him. Compassion's got no place in there. Not his and sure as hell not mine._

He stepped out the door. _Of course, Crawford will watch the tape. I think the dissociation symptoms weren't too obvious. I hope._ He made his way toward the observation room. _Why do I hope? Well, "I am not Balinese" is information Crawford doesn't have, but... If I'm going to be honest, I'm feeling proprietary. Kudoh'd give any information he has if we hit him again immediately, but I'd lose him. Was it really dissociation? I wonder... Or are those profiles really as accurate as we thought?_ He smiled. _Kudoh's certainly smarter than the file indicates, and I think he has better self control. He barely moved while I had him pinned to the wall. That's impressive. I don't know many who could manage that._

 _No. I won't tell Crawford. It'd help him to know that the files might be... slanted, but I don't feel like sharing. Hm. I wonder if that means Fujimiya's smarter than Crawford thinks he is? I really_ ought _to tell him that. But I bet he'd push Kudoh past breaking to find out. I don't think his beloved would let him pull the answers out of her brother, and as long as that's true..._

Nagi paused in the doorway, allowing his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting in the observation room. As always, the gently glowing tangles of fiberoptic cables seemed like some cross between Christmas lights and spiderwebs. The colors in the webs changed more frequently now than they had during Kudoh's periods of unconsciousness. The strings ran from the cameras and the pickups that read the signals emitted by the nanites within Kudoh's body into black-cased processors and from there to the projectors.

Hovering above two of the projectors were three dimensional images of Kudoh; others featured graph outputs, and yet others showed tiny blobs moving within a dark, surging background. The latter, Nagi'd been told, showed a representation of the activities of the repair nanites, working at a cellular level. Nagi lacked the training to be able to interpret most of the projections-- He'd figured out the basics of the heart monitors, at least, having spent more time watching his own EKG readings then he cared to recall.

 _At least, we've got a couple of real screens showing video pickup as opposed this esoteric crap. No._ Nagi felt a slight pang of guilt at that. _Shouldn't put it down just because I don't understand it. The information's damned useful. I just hate that I can't read it myself._ He turned his eyes to the technicians. _My audience and I don't even know who they are. Three on duty..._

One man sat in a comfortable looking chair, positioned to view all of the datafeeds while another crouched by a shiny black processor, pressing yet another glowing device against it. The third man sat close to the projectors tracking the nanites. _Junior member of the team, then._ Certain that he was still unobserved, Nagi allowed himself a smile. _Stuck with the shit job. Been there, done that. Never, never again. Not that I have the training for_ that _job._

 _Hm. All male._ He felt a little relief at that then wondered why it should matter. _And they could all fit in on Earth. Not something that can be said of everybody in this place. Coincidence? Possibly. At least half the base personnel fit that description, but... Is it meant to make me feel more comfortable or more self-conscious? Doesn't matter. Hard to guess their ages. No, actually it isn't. No way they're important enough to be older than they look. Just monitoring techs--_

I _on the other hand--_ He squared his shoulders. _I have power, status. Everything. Time to make an entrance._ The moment Nagi entered the room, all eyes turned to him. He hid a smile. "Well?"

The technician sitting in the chair, either bolder than the others or unlucky enough to be senior, responded, "Nothing major, sir. He's just settling in." The man gestured toward a screen that showed Kudoh huddled with his blanket and his new toy. He had his face buried in the stuffed cat's fur and the blanket wrapped around his body. He looked up for a moment, clutching the cat closer.

Nagi strolled over to the monitor, deliberately invading the space of the two silent technicians. One of them actually flinched. _They're not that freaked by Crawford. Am I that much scarier?_ "Take the lights down to half," he instructed.

The spokesman looked startled. "Sir?" His hands were already making the necessary adjustments.

 _Good._ Nagi sighed, just a little theatrically. "I want to encourage him to sleep and remind him that his environment can change."

The technician nodded and looked pleased by the response.

 _Oh, yes, I can be courteous. I'm no more a monster than anybody else who works here. Does that surprise you?_ "If he doesn't fall asleep in the next half hour, send in some food and keep giving him more as long as he asks for it. If he does, let him sleep himself out and then feed him. Call me when he wakes or if he does anything unexpected. If you're not sure, call." _There. Simple instructions._

The technician nodded again. "Yes, sir. We'll do that, and I'll leave instructions for the next shift."

 _I wonder..._ "How many shifts are there?" Nagi appropriated a chair and sat down. "I haven't had a chance to look into the administrative details." _At least that makes a reasonable excuse to talk._

"Three shifts, sir." The technician sat up straighter. The two who hadn't spoken seemed to have settled a little, looking by now more puzzled than nervous.

"Thank you." Nagi smiled at the man with a perfect simulation of sincerity. "I don't think we've actually been introduced. I expect you know my name, Naoe Nagi, but I'm afraid I don't know yours."

"I'm Mazi Antrin, sir. Senior monitoring technician. These are--"

Nagi cut him off before he could introduce the other men. _I don't actually care about them. No point._ "'Mazi Antrin.' You're not from Earth, are you?"

"No, sir. Ogden, the High Lord's third home."

 _Ah. And Earth will be sixth. If he wins._ "Have you been briefed on the Japanese language and customs?"

Mazi Antrin looked a little embarrassed. "No, sir. I've got English and German, but..."

Nagi waved a dismissive hand. "Never mind. We'll get to it later. For the moment, if we're to work together, the appropriate form of address for you to use when speaking to me is 'Naoe-san.'" _English and German. Does everybody center their attention on Europe and North America? Apparently so._

"Yes, Naoe-san."

 _I'll look up forms of address for Ogden later. Find out which one's his personal name._ "What I'd like you to do for me, Mazi Antrin, is to make me a list of the personnel on all three shifts. I want to see their files in my office, and I can't get my secretary to pull those files without the list." _Also without the secretary, but he doesn't know that... Or that my office is a small room I've only visited twice. At least I've got a window._

"I'll do that, Naoe-san." No flicker of expression gave Nagi any impression that the man resented the order. _Good._

"Good. I'll expect it at the start of your shift tomorrow." Nagi rose to his feet and took a quick look around the room. One of the other technicians looked as if he were quite aware that he'd missed an opportunity; the other simply seemed relieved that Nagi was showing signs of leaving. _Have to watch both of them. I don't want trouble for my new minion._ Nagi looked at the monitor again. Kudoh didn't seem to have moved. The decreased lighting made the angles of his face more apparent. _The shadows make him look lonelier._

 _Time to leave._ "Gentlemen." Nagi nodded at the trio of technicians and left the room. _At least, Crawford won't expect to see me immediately. That gives me time to think what I'm going to say._ Nagi smiled to himself. _Maybe I'll start by asking him to help me pick a secretary. That ought to throw him._

Nagi considered a side trip to the gardens but decided against it. _I haven't got that long till Crawford calls me. In the mood I'm in, I'd get lost for a while, and that wouldn't help me make any decisions. I'll settle for coffee. No, hot chocolate._

*****'  
 _Damn, I wish I'd paid more attention to my English lessons! Of course, reverse engineering is never easy, and I don't think anybody ever expected anyone to need to do this, but... It's like trying to put together a hard drive with a hammer, a pair of tweezers and a box of matches. None of the damn tools work._ Omi looked down at the pile of iridescent pebbles in front of him. _I've got to get this down; I don't know how much time I've got. Right now, my only protection is that they_ know _I can't be here._

He picked up a pebble and let himself fall into it. Symbols given physical form jostled against him. A few of them were the dark blue that he associated with English words, and he moved himself to them. He pushed his perceptions to shift his subjective size relative to the words so that he could see the connections. _No. No good. This is pronouns. I don't have enough vocabulary to understand the correlations. Not to mention that English pronouns are too general for me._

He pulled back. With a sigh, he dropped the pebble to his right and reached for another. Then he shook his head. _This is getting me nowhere. Most of the things I'm used to thinking of as universal and concrete simply aren't. Not animals or plants. Not body parts. Not desk supplies. Not family relationships. I was making more progress working from the system architecture. I can tell what connects to what; I just can't figure out what the data means._ He snarled in frustration. _And I_ have _to understand this. No way I can get us all out otherwise._

 _No. Calm down. Look at what I do know. They're called the Taisken, and they're not from Earth. I don't know what they want-- No. List what I know, not what I don't. Schwarz works for them, but the Taisken have other people with "talent." The place here is big. I think there're some research areas, a gymnasium of sorts, lots of living quarters. It's not just a prison. I'd bet that big open area's a garden or a park._

He stood and stretched. The Taisken network extended in all directions around him. His mind interpreted it as an Escheresque system of arches, platforms and shifting connections. After the first couple of days, he'd added a color code to help him remember important areas. So far as he could tell, that code existed only in his interface with the system and had no objective effect that someone else might spot, but he had to admit that he was gambling on that.

 _To be fair, I've gotten a lot. I can open any door in the place. I've even got a pretty fair map just from knowing where the doors and windows are. Even if I still can't tell a door from a window... I've found the lighting controls and air filtration. I can even bugger the system that's supposed to be keeping me doped._ He smiled. _I think the system likes me. Thank god it's not a real A.I._ His smiled broadened. _Yet._

 _//Nii-san--//_ His imouto's call sounded distant.

Omi stiffened slightly then relaxed and focused. His awareness of the world around him flickered briefly as he moved himself to a more superficial level of the system. He settled in the subroutines that controlled the doors. _//What is it, Ouka-chan? Schuldig again?//_

 _//Not this time. Crawford's here with a doctor-looking type. They're talking Taisken, so I can't tell you what it's about, but they brought a gurney.//_

 _//Damn.// And I still can't interpret that surveillance system. It's back to my body or miss it._ His virtual skin crawled at the thought. _I hate being that helpless. Oh, well. Nothing for it. //Okay. Here I come.//_

He imagined the return as a physical dive with a midair twist. His real world body twitched slightly as he reconnected. _//How drugged am I supposed to be, Ouka-chan? I haven't been keeping track.//_

 _//Not much actually. Sluggish, I think. The koi are reporting a stimulant shot.//_

Omi felt a surge of affection for his imouto. They'd both been pretty freaked out by the sudden presence of swarms of nanites in his body. Ouka'd been the first to refer to them as fish, and somehow, calling them "koi" had happened naturally. _I should thank you for them, Crawford. Of course, I'm sure you think they belong to you._

Ouka moved uneasily in his head. She couldn't hear the thought since he had deliberately masked it, but she could feel the feral hostility that lay beneath it. _//Sorry. They bring out the worst in me.//_

Omi opened his eyes, carefully keeping his expression blank. He took a brief look around, whimpered deep in his throat and flailed a little as if scrambling to wedge himself more firmly in his corner. He very carefully kept all hints of intelligent awareness from his face. After that single glance, he fixed his eyes on the wall beyond Crawford and his companion and curled himself into an unmoving ball. _All those lessons in holding postures come in handy again..._

The "doctor-looking type" with Crawford was a short, thin woman with blond hair. She was on her knees next to Omi and had several small pieces of equipment spread on the ground around her. She froze as Omi moved then drew back a little, her lips pulling in in an expression of distaste. _Hey, lady, I don't care much for the smell either. It's been a while since the last sponge bath._

Crawford also froze for a moment, looking at Omi intently. After the briefest hesitation, Crawford shrugged and began to speak again.

Omi could only get about one word in five, not really enough to give him much idea of what was going on but enough to let him know that he was making progress in learning the language.

 _//We could kill them both,//_ Ouka commented. _//Some of those tools might make good weapons.//_

 _//Not yet,//_ Omi answered. _//I want to know more before we move.//_ He let her see a slight surge of amusement. _//Funny the change a couple of years makes... You used to hate it when I killed people.//_

 _//Nii-san!//_ she protested. _//It's them! I was never against killing_ them _!//_

 _No,_ Omi admitted privately, _you never were._ That, in fact, had been the way Omi'd first become aware of her presence in his head, sudden inexplicable surges of visceral emotion interfering with his cold planning for revenge. He'd been afraid at first that Schuldig was playing with him again, but the concentrated hostility the other in his head had aimed at thoughts of the telepath had struck him as beyond Schuldig's capability for deceit. Omi'd also feared for a while that he was simply breaking under the strain of the situation, of his regained memories and his losses, but his imouto had objected strenuously to being labeled as insanity. Finally, Omi'd simply accepted the situation with all of its inherent difficulties and benefits.

"... wash ... Fujimiya... feed..." Omi recognized the two verbs simply from the number of times they'd been repeated in his presence, but it was the name that caught his attention, and he had to suppress a twitch of recognition. He focused on Crawford's words and wished again that he'd managed to learn more of the language or even had been able to find a Taisken-Japanese dictionary in the files. _If Crawford's here, Naoe ought to be, and_ he _ought to find a dictionary useful. It's in there somewhere! //Ouka-chan, did they mention Ran-kun before I got back?//_

 _//No.//_ Omi could feel a tension equal to his own in her response. _//I'd have told you that,//_ she added, sounding just a little hurt.

He sent her a pulse of apology, the mental equivalent of squeezing her hand. _//I'm just nervous, Ouka-chan. I think something's finally changing.//_ He settled in to wait.

*****'

Yohji had almost managed to calm himself enough to fall asleep, curling himself around the stuffed cat, when he felt something brush his mind. His whole body jerked, and he pulled himself upright to put his back against the wall.

 _//Good evening, Kudoh!//_ Schuldig's mental voice had an almost manic quality. _//Still enjoying our hospitality?//_

 _Schuldig's the wrong name for you. Malice would be better._ Yohji tried desperately to marshal some sort of energy for this encounter, but he knew he'd almost nothing left.

 _//You wound me!//_ Schuldig laughed, and Yohji flinched as the sound echoed through his mind.

 _I wish._

 _//Is that any way to talk to someone who's doing you a favor? I'm staying out of things, remember? Or would you like me to interfere?//_

 _Thank you, no._ Yohji almost managed to make the response polite then wondered why he'd bothered. Schuldig could read what lay behind the words.

 _//Ah, but I appreciate the effort. Full points for that. And I'll even answer a couple of your burning questions. I can tell you how Hidaka got hurt and what's going on with Tsukiyono. I won't even ask a return favor!//_

 _Given the resources I've currently got, I don't see what favors I could do you._ Yohji worked his fingers deeper into the cat's fur. _I'm_ not _going to start shaking again!_

 _//Do you want to know or not? I don't have to tell you, you know.//_

Yohji pulled his knees up close to his chest and buried his face on them, using the stuffed toy for padding. _I want to know._ He was quite sure that his mental "voice" shook, but he was also quite certain of his answer. _I have to know._ He closed his eyes as his awareness of the cell faded.

******'  
Hidaka Ken sat sideways in the window frame, looking up at the sky. _No stars tonight. Fitting enough I suppose. I don't think the other guys noticed my mood. Just as well. If Yohji figured it out, he'd feel guilty again..._

He let his head tip back. _Australia's that way, isn't it? I wonder what she's doing now and if she ever thinks of me._ He shook his head a little. _Probably not. Anybody sensible would forget after all this time. I hope she's happy. She's the one friend who I didn't pull under. Maybe even part of me is free with her._

 _Now_ that's _maudlin._ Ken closed his eyes just for a moment. A pleasant lethargy began creeping over him, taking the miserable tension he'd carried all day. _I didn't think I'd sleep tonight, but maybe..._

He sat bolt upright, just barely missing banging his head on the upper part of the frame. The air flowing past him felt warm and heavy. _But I turned off the heat because I was opening the window. No point heating the whole city, right?_ He stuck his head out the window and took a deep breath of cool air. Then he darted back into his room, heading for the box where he kept his soccer shoes.

 _It'll still be there! It'll still be there!_ He held his breath as he reached in and rummaged around. _And I thought Omi was just being paranoid! Damn, I keep too much crap in here! Ah--_ His fingers closed on the metal and rubber of his contraband gas mask. _First this, then weapons, then make sure the other guys are awake... I never thought we'd need this plan. Okay, I_ hoped _we'd never need it._

******'

Schuldig and Crawford stood on the roof of a building overlooking the Koneko. The sky was overcast with clouds spread in tatters softening the blackness of night. A chill wind threaded its way around them, almost masking the sounds of the city.

"How does it look?" Crawford didn't bother turning to look at Schuldig.

Schuldig shrugged. A moment later, he responded, "Hidaka's awake. He's gotten a gas mask from somewhere and is trying to wake the others."

Crawford closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, he spoke in clipped words. "No matter. They won't kill him, and his resistance will burn Weiss' bridges nicely."

Schuldig looked down at the two vans pulling up on the street below. He smiled lazily. "So we don't warn them."

Crawford turned his head to look at Schuldig. His answering smile consisted of the barest twitch of his lips. "No. No need." He turned back to continue watching. "Just keep an eye on him and let me know if he decides to run. I don't think he will, but..." Crawford extended a hand and flicked the fingers outward. "Better to watch for it."

******'

Ken wanted to howl in frustration. He'd failed to rouse any of the others, and he could hear intruders downstairs. He'd managed to get gas masks on Yohji and Omi but hadn't had time to try to find Ran's. The other three had all had their windows closed. _Because we all know that an open window is an unforgivable breach of building security... Damn! Who knows when-- or if-- they'll rouse. I'm it. The last line of defense._

He crouched in the shadows at the top of the stairs. _I can't tell how many of them there are, but they won't be expecting me. If I can get them all, I can get us all out of here._ But he knew that was a remote hope. _I could run. I don't think they'd catch me on my own. But... I can't. A slim hope's better than none, and that's what the guys have if I split._

He drew his lips back in snarl and let his energy coil in his legs. _One leap and my surprise is gone. Make it count._

The door at the bottom of the stairs opened, and he caught a glimpse of darkly clad figures with their faces obscured by gas masks. Ken clenched his fists, extending the blades on his bugnuks, and threw himself down the stairs. His battle cry startled the men on the stairs and bought him precious seconds.

 _One, two, three down. How many to go?_ The narrow stairway robbed him of a great deal of his mobility, and he realized that he'd made a mistake. Well, not a mistake. The stairs were really the only good spot for an ambush. It's just... If I had Omi, we could do this. Hell, any of the others...

His momentum carried him to the bottom of the stairs and out into the room beyond. He tried to take advantage of the open space, but the opposition swarmed him under. As he went down, his eyes widened. _Fuck! That's Hamada-san and Matoke-san. Kritiker finally betrayed us..._

He did his best to protect himself from the beating that followed as his opponents vented their rage on his body. He could hear his bones snap, but he continued to struggle, calling out for his teammates to wake and protect themselves. The anesthesia of unconsciousness eluded him, but his movements weakened. Eventually, his enemies stripped him of his weapons and his gas mask. Three of them dragged him through the shop and to a waiting van while the others moved, with more caution this time, up the stairs into Weiss' lair.

*****'

Yohji's mouth was full of artificial fur as he bit down on the cat in an effort to stifle his sobs. _That was... Oh, Ken, you moron... Ick._ He pulled back a little and shifted his grip on the toy to move the soggy patch away from his skin. _Deep breaths. Deep breaths. It doesn't matter if you cry, Kudoh. The people watching expect it, and you can't distract Ken or ruin his ambush or..._ His hands shook, so he pressed them into the yielding surface of the stuffed animal.

 _//Who're you trying to fool, Kudoh?//_ Schuldig's mental voice carried a sneer. _//I know exactly how weak you are. Or did you forget I'm here?//_

Yohji had forgotten.

Schuldig laughed. _//Kudoh, Kudoh... You're losing your edge. Forgetting the presence of an enemy! I'm disappointed in you.//_

Yohji relaxed the mental discipline that had confined his tangled emotions and let them fill his mind. He wasn't at all sure how Schuldig's talent worked, but Yohji had a vague sense that his thoughts might be harder to find if something else was in the way. _Like finding fireflies in a thunderstorm..._ He closed his eyes and swallowed convulsively. _And it's a hell of a storm in here. With no shelter in sight._ He tried to pull his limbs in closer, seeking... _I don't know what I'm looking for, but it sure as hell isn't here._

 _//So did that answer some of your questions? Crawford told you the truth about Hidaka at least. Was that what you wanted?//_

 _I think it's working a little. It should; I can hardly hear myself think._ Yohji focused his attention on pushing a few words through to where Schuldig was certain to see them. _//What about Omi?//_

 _//I think we'll save that one for later. Wouldn't want to push you into falling apart-- The kid'd notice that, and I'm sure neither of us wants him to figure out we've been talking.//_

Rage like a wind pushed through Yohji's mind, obliterating all thought for a moment. _//You utter bastard!//_ Normally, Yohji'd have suppressed his anger, bided his time, but this time he couldn't. He threw himself to his feet, letting blanket and toy drop.

Yohji growled and flexed his hands. If Schuldig had been present, Yohji'd have hurled himself at the German. A part of Yohji's mind growled satisfaction at the image of his fingers crushing Schuldig's throat.

But Schuldig wasn't there. No one was.

Yohji snarled at the room, baring his teeth. He stepped forward, still combat ready, hands in front of him as if he'd just grabbed an opponent's throat.

And his hands closed on air.

Nothing else moved. The only sounds not coming from him were the humming of the light, the soft whoosh of air through the vents, and an almost undetectable rattle of plumbing.

Yohji sagged as the rage leaked out of him. His legs shook, and he folded himself to the floor before they could give out entirely. He leaned forward and let his forehead rest on the cool smoothness. "You bastard," he whispered.

 _//Now that was bright, Kudoh. You'll have to think fast. The techs are calling Nagi, and he's going to want to know what the hell just happened. Hope you got a story for him. You'll need it if you ever want to hear about Tsukiyono.//_

Yohji answered with another growl.

 _//Be that way. If you don't want to hear it, all you have to do is tell the kid the truth, and he'll ask me to stay away.//_

 _//Nagi's not a child.//_ Yohji could barely muster coherent thought, but that single sentence crystallized in his mind.

 _//Shows what you know,//_ Schuldig snorted. _//I've known him a lot longer than you have.//_

Yohji's breathing was starting to even out, and he felt a momentary clarity, the detachment of exhaustion. _//How old is he, Schuldig?//_ He formed each word with exquisite care, as he might speak when drunk, and then pushed them gently out for the telepath to see. _And why does it matter to you?_ He didn't much care if Schuldig heard the second question or not but rather thought that it would remain hidden, cloaked in exhaustion.

Schuldig's response was just a little uncertain. _//I don't know... He doesn't know.//_

Yohji wanted to laugh but suppressed the urge. _If I start that, I won't be able to stop. //I think you're the fool, Schuldig. Children grow up.//_

Schuldig didn't answer.

Yohji closed his eyes. _It's very pleasant... not to think._

*****'  
Nagi had just finished heating the rice milk when his cell phone rang. He sighed and reached for the device.

"Naoe."

The voice on the other end surprised him a little; he'd been half expecting Crawford. "Naoe-san, something just happened with the prisoner. I think... Well, you said to call if anything unusual happened, and..."

 _The man sounds miserable. He's not sure whether or not I meant it._ "I see. How quickly do I need to be there?" _It all depends on if it's actually important or not..._

"He's asleep now, sir, but-- Well, I think you'll want to see the tape."

 _Curious._ "I'll be there in a few minutes then." _But if he's asleep, I'll finish mixing the hot chocolate._ Nagi disconnected without bothering to say goodbye. After setting down the phone, he added cocoa powder, sugar and vanilla to the heated liquid and stirred. _And I still don't understand why Schuldig prefers "real" milk. It's disgusting stuff._ He poured the resulting mix into a mug and raised it so that he could inhale the steam. _Crawford would say that my cultural prejudices are showing. Shows what he knows. If it were true, I wouldn't be drinking something this sweet._

He blew gently across the surface of the liquid. _I'd hoped for a little more time. I really need to think. I know more or less what Crawford wants from Kudoh. Okay, what he says he wants. But I have no idea what I want._

 _Okay, don't start from that end. What can I get out of it? I could destroy him; that would be almost easy. If it weren't for Tsukiyono, I think Kudoh might try to get me to kill him. Do I object to that? It would end the matter, and... I'd regret that._ Nagi fixed his eyes on the dark wood of the cabinets in his kitchen but didn't really see them. He frowned and took a sip of his hot chocolate. The liquid scalded his tongue, and he swallowed quickly. _Damn! Kudoh bothers me. Maybe I_ should _kill him... If I do it right, Crawford won't be too upset; Kudoh's "disposable" after all. But..._

 _A live Kudoh who belongs to me is an asset. My asset. Not Crawford's. Not Schuldig's. Nobody's but mine. I want that. I want that very much. Too much? No. I want... No. Not now. I've got to get down there and find out what the fuss is about._

*****'  
Nagi finally compromised by taking his mug with him as he returned to the observation room. _I've got to get some sort of feed for images so I don't have to make this hike every time they've got something to show me. Damn well bet that Crawford doesn't._ He walked with long strides, taking pleasure in the fact that, now that he'd reached his full growth, he no longer had to look like he was hurrying to get anywhere. _Even if I am. I'll never match Crawford's height, but at least I'm not scrawny and tiny any more. I'm tall enough that Schuldig ought to feel silly calling me 'kid.' Not that he's noticed..._

"So what is it I need to see?" Nagi demanded as he came through the door.

"Naoe-san." Mazi Antrin stood and offered his chair to Nagi. "I've got the sequence set to go on this screen. As you can see--" He indicated a monitor displaying a variety of fluctuating charts and numbers. "Right now, the prisoner seems to be sleeping."

Nagi glanced at the numbers. _Not like I can read much more than the vitals._ He moved his gaze to the images from the cells' cameras. Kudoh lay sprawled untidily, facedown, a step or two from his pallet. The half light gave the scene a sinister cast. _Okay. Something certainly happened._ "Show me." He slipped into the chair and focused his full attention on what he was about to see.

Kudoh lay huddled on his bed, wrapped in his blanket with his face buried in the fur of his stuffed cat. _Yes. That was a good idea._ Kudoh didn't seem to be moving. Numbers and words scrolled across the bottom of the screen. _I can't read those properly yet._

Nagi looked at Mazi Antrin for just a moment before indicating the screen with his chin. "He doesn't seem all that active."

"No, sir. He wasn't. This is-- Ah, the time index puts it as about 15 minutes after you left. His breathing had more or less settled. Pulse... Blood pressure... The stress levels were still pretty high, but we expected him to fall asleep. Then--" Mazi Antrin reached around Nagi and pushed a button to freeze the action just as the Kudoh on the screen spasmed, his grip on the cat tightening visibly. "Sudden spikes here, here and here."

Nagi nodded, and the tech let things start again. Kudoh pulled himself up to sit with his back to the wall. _Something scared him._ Then Kudoh pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them; the cat got folded up somewhere in there, but Nagi wasn't entirely certain where it had ended up. _He looks like that when he knows I'm going to hurt him, doesn't he? Sort of nothing to do but endure and get through it. He looks so fragile that way... But he's not, not really._

"Here, sir, is where I think things get interesting--" Mazi Antrin froze the screen again.

 _Kudoh's not moving so..._ Nagi attempted to look intelligent as he examined the medical data.

"We've gotten similar readings in the past when he was dreaming, more specifically when he was having nightmares from that first nicotine patch. But he's not asleep here."

 _No... Damn, I wish I hadn't ordered the lights down!_ Nagi strained trying to see details as the time indicator started moving forward again. _I think he's moving a little... Not a lot. Yes. There. He's tightening in._ Nagi touched the screen with his fingertips. _As if that would tell me more..._

"Now, he's holding his breath. At least, that's my assumption." Mazi Antrin glanced at one of the other techs. "There's nothing to indicate a biological cause for the cessation of respiration, and when he does start again-- He gulps quickly then stops again then goes with a pattern of shallow inhalations. Heart rate and blood pressure have both increased. For the rest-- Well, his autonomic nervous system was already doing wind sprints... And I wouldn't have expected it to have slowed down by that point, so these readings aren't useful." Kudoh moved, lifting his head a little. "Now he's taking deep breaths. Definitely trying to get things regular, I think."

 _I didn't do anything to cause this. Did I? This isn't what I want--_

Kudoh seemed to erupt off of the mattress, shedding the blanket and letting the toy fall behind him. Even the dim lighting couldn't conceal the wide eyes and bared teeth. His hands came up briefly as if reaching to crush something. _A throat?_ Then they fell back a little. Kudoh bent his legs and leaned forward as if ready to spring.

Nagi felt that his eyes had gone wide. _Mine! I want that! No. I_ don't.

Kudoh froze for a second before looking around the room. He started to tremble visibly and began, slowly, to crumple in on himself.

"He was out just seconds after he hit the floor, Naoe-san. That outburst took all the energy he had left."

Nagi nodded absently, not really paying attention to the tech's words. _But I do. I want the fragile and the feral. To have them both when I wish... I... Not now._ "You were right to call me," Nagi said. "I needed to see this." Nagi pushed back the chair and stood. "Leave him where he is, and proceed according to my previous instructions. Again, call me if anything unusual happens."

Nagi picked up his mug and left the room.

****'  
Ran was grateful for the distraction provided by the arrival of the packing materials, flattened cardboard boxes, tape, bubble wrap. _Packing'll give me something else to think about. Not Kudoh._ He started with his books. _I'll have to read to Omi. It always filled in the gaps with Aya-chan. Maybe my voice will help him feel safe._

 _Kudoh doesn't feel safe._

 _I am not going to think about Kudoh. He's acting weak. I can't believe he cried like that. Clinging to Naoe... Weak._

 _Kudoh's weak._

 _But I watched, and... Kudoh's weak. I'm not. I won't be._ His eyes wandered to the trio of monitors; then he turned away abruptly. _I should find a way to help him, but... I can't think of one._ He slammed book after book into the box. _I shouldn't have fucking watched. At least, Kudoh doesn't know I did. Doesn't know I-- No!_ The cardboard flap of the box tore as he pulled it closed. _Slow down! You don't want Crawford to see you're rattled. Rattled! God! Poor Kudoh... How he looked..._ He shook his head. _Beautiful. He looked beautiful. What kind of sick bastard does that make me?_

 _Not me. It's not my fault. Kudoh's weak._

*****'  
Ran took a seat next to Omi's bed. _He looks peaceful enough. I think I like it better when his eyes are closed. It's easier than when he stares through me. Which is in turn easier than when he panics. But he hasn't panicked since Crawford left._

 _Good enough._

He took Omi's hand in his own for a moment. _No. That feels wrong._ He set the hand down, straightening Omi's arm so that it lay along his side. "Hello, Omi. I don't suppose you can actually hear me. They say you're not getting anything much from out here, but... They've given us a nice apartment, Omi. It's a lot nicer than where you were before. The furniture's in Western style, but you always said you liked that, so I guess you won't mind."

Ran looked around the room. "They let us have most of our stuff from home, too. Nothing really useful, but we've got our clothes, our books, our music. There's even that picture of Ouka-chan that her mother gave you after-- I put it over there where you can see it if you ever do really open your eyes.

"I have to apologize in advance for the food. They gave us a kitchen, said it was easier to have me cook for you when I'm ready to feed you than to keep bringing stuff in for me to use. I've got instructions about what's okay to feed you, but I'm not sure I understand them. Nobody much here seems to speak Japanese, so I had to rely on my English and Crawford's translations.

"That's right, in case you didn't know-- It's him. Him and all the rest of Schwarz. They're working for somebody new now, but Crawford won't answer my questions. Aya-chan's been more forthcoming, but I'm not sure she really knows much. She calls the group the Taisken and says they want to take over the world. Like that's a surprise with Schwarz involved. And that asshole, Crawford, is using her again. Just like last time."

Ran fell silent. _I know there are cameras in here. They're hidden, not like in the cells, but... There's no way Crawford's giving us any privacy. Oh, well. It's not like he doesn't already know my opinion of him._ He twitched the blanket higher on Omi's body then rearranged it to cover the arm he'd straightened earlier.

"He bought us from Kritiker. He wanted me so Aya-chan would-- Would-- Hell, Omi! She's pregnant, Crawford's child, or so he says. So she says. He's had her longer than the rest of us." Ran stood up and walked to the other side of the room. _Calm down. I've got to calm down. If I yell, I might push him deeper. An even voice is better. He'll hear the tone not the content._ He stopped and leaned his forehead against the wall. After a moment, he turned back and returned to his seat.

"I'm sorry, Omi. I get upset about this sometimes. They told me I need to stay calm with you. At least, I think they did. Apart from Schwarz, nobody in this place speaks Japanese.

"Wait. I already told you that didn't I? Don't suppose it matters; you're not going to notice repetition. Anyway, Crawford says he'll be making sure I learn the language after you and I get settled in." _And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I need to know it. I really need to know it. But... It's what Crawford wants. I don't see the trap yet, but it's bound to be there._

"Hidaka-- Ken-- He's fine. Well, they beat the crap out of him after he killed some of them. Nothing too serious, I don't think. Just some broken bones." _Just. Makes it sound like I expect him to be up and around any minute now. I don't think I'll mention the chains..._ "He's in a sort of infirmary and was being treated well the last I knew." Ran heard his voice break a little on the last sentence and clenched his hands tightly. _I will not show weakness._

He sighed. "It was a trade, Omi-kun. Crawford said... I had monitors that let me see how all three of you were doing, but... The bastard gave me a choice, said I could have the monitors or I could... We could share rooms like this. Said they'd only upset you. So anyway, I don't know what's going on right now, not any more." _I'm not going to mention Kudoh. Omi may not hear me, but... It's better if he doesn't know. Much better. I couldn't tell him about it._

*****'  
Omi kept his eyes closed and his breathing even as he listened to Ran talk. _He's leaving things out. I wish I could ask him questions. Hm. Should my condition improve? No. I've got to figure out the surveillance system. Then I can look him in the eye and demand answers._

 _Like what's happened to Yohji-kun? It must be bad, or Ran-kun wouldn't try to hide it. Not when he's quite willing to talk about Ken-kun's broken bones as if they're nothing._

*****'  
"So how long has he been like this?" Nagi made an effort to keep his tone even. _This idiot's annoying me. I thought I left clear instructions about this._

"Since he woke up-- Ah--" The tech, a woman whose name Nagi wasn't sure of, looked at a screen. "Two point five hours ago."

"And you didn't call me because?" _Come up with a reason for me not to hurt you, and maybe I won't._ Nagi gave her his coldest glare, just for a moment, before looking back at the displays from the cameras in the cell. _Kudoh hasn't stopped moving since I got here._

"Sir?" The woman sounded puzzled.

 _I don't think she's figured it out yet. If it weren't for the fact that I can see the note on the wall that outlines my orders, I might be convinced that she didn't know what I wanted._ "I believe I left explicit instructions." Nagi used his power to turn her so that she faced the paper posted on the wall. "There. You were to call me when he woke."

The woman squeaked slightly and then fell utterly silent. _Oh, good. She understands._ The other two techs on the shift were cowering, trying to stay as far from Nagi as the room would permit. _You two are lucky. She's senior; she catches the shit._

"So why do I find myself discovering that my prisoner is awake only two and a half hours after the fact?" _Do I give her a warning or do I make an example of her? I have to work with these people again, and some of them may like her. Or may not._ "Did you send in food?" _Yes. I'll let that question settle it. If she tried to feed him, I won't kill her._ Nagi turned to look at her again. _Oh._

The woman had fallen to her knees and had her forehead pressed to the floor. _I guess she really has figured it out now._ "Did you send in food?" Nagi repeated, a bit impatiently.

"Yes, sir. We did, but he hasn't touched it." The woman's response was muffled by her posture. "I'm sorry, sir. I--" She stopped abruptly.

 _Probably can't think of any real excuse. She just didn't take me seriously._ Nagi looked down at her for a moment, then glanced at her subordinates. They were staring at him. He smiled slightly. "I accept your responsibility for this lapse." The formal Taisken phrase came more easily than he'd expected. "I will not demand further recompense from you. This time." _But I will have you transferred. Moron. After I look around to find someone to replace you._

 _I have no desire to be fair._ Nagi focused his attention on the image of Kudoh again. _He really is graceful when he's free to move. I bet it was better before he started to tire. I'll have to get the tape._ "Has he taken any breaks? Has he had any water?"

One of the other techs, a man, answered, "He hasn't stopped moving. He voided his bladder right after he got up, and then he drank some water, but he hasn't stopped otherwise."

On the screen, Kudoh stumbled. _He's really not up to this. But I don't think he's going to stop. Not until his body makes him stop._ "I want a copy of the tape for this waking period on my desk after he falls asleep again. Replace the tray as many times as he'll accept if he actually eats before sleeping, and replace it anyway the next time he wakes up. At that point, call me no matter what he's doing. Oh, and next time he wakes, bring the lights up to full."

Nagi stood for a few seconds longer, watching Kudoh dance his katas. Then Nagi turned and left the room without another word.

****'  
"I think he'll be passing out again soon, Naoe-san," Mazi Antrin observed. "He's too dehydrated to keep this up."

Nagi allowed one corner of his mouth to quirk in an almost smile. "I'm astonished he's continued moving this long." _At least, I've got someone intelligent to work with this time._ "We'll let him exhaust himself. I think it's better if he's responsible for his own passing out. After that... You're clear on my instructions?"

"Yes, Naoe-san. As soon as he's unconscious, we'll gas him. Once the air clears, you'll be able to go in. Do you have everything you need?"

Nagi shrugged, not bothering to look away from the screen. "I think so. My assistant's very efficient. Besides, if I need anything else, I just have to ask." _My assistant... I should have found one sooner. It's good to have somebody else to deal with the running around._

"Anything... esoteric... may take a little while to provide for you."

 _Is that humor? Yes. I do believe it is. Good._ Nagi smiled. "I don't expect miracles, Mazi."

Kudoh tripped over his own feet and fell to his hands and knees. He forced himself up again and continued his interrupted movement. _Just a hint of rage there, I think. His weakness angers him, and he knows I'll be back._

Nagi pulled out a chair and sat down. "I was going to see about taking care of some other business, but I don't think he's going to last long enough to make leaving worth my while."

"Of course, Naoe-san."

Nagi watched intently as Kudoh fell again and dragged himself to his feet again. _How long can he keep going? He can't manage any precision at all now; he's shaking too badly. I wish I was in there with him. He's got an intensity... Ouch!_ Kudoh drove a hand into the wall then stared at his fist grimly. _Ah, Yohji-kun, that won't do anything for you. I could break down the wall, but I doubt you can._

 _I want your soul, Kudoh Yohji. I'll just have to get comfortable with the rest of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: "Dissociation" is a term used in psychology and psychiatry to refer to the fragmentation of a personality under pressure. The mind simply separates from whatever it can't deal with. It's the technical term for what most of us mean when we say "split personality." Here, Nagi's thinking that he may have pushed Yohji too hard, that Yohji's breaking down in a way that Crawford won't like and that Nagi didn't intend. The possibility that Balinese has always been a mask for Yohji has occurred to Nagi but isn't yet something he takes entirely seriously.
> 
> Note 2: I'm drawing non-canonical Japanese names from the following site: http://business.baylor.edu/Phil_VanAuken/JapaneseNames.html  
> These names are not meant to be references of any sort to real people, other fictional characters, etc., and the site doesn't give meanings of names, so I'm also not intending anything clever in that direction.
> 
> Note 3: For those who care, Omi's abilities with the computers and such here are modeled after some stuff found in GURPS Psionics, basically an ability called "cyberpsi." The level of power Omi's showing would be rather expensive if one were designing a role playing character, but this is a work of fiction, so I don't have to worry about how many points things cost or about balance of play. There may well be some secondary ability involved in his ability to deceive Schuldig, but I haven't decided exactly what it would be. I'm not sure a precise definition's required, at least not yet.
> 
> Note 4: Yes, I know how Omi and Ouka are really related, but nobody's told them that, and even if they knew, the basic situation wouldn't change. And I'm not committing one way or another as to whether this is a case of genuine case of mental cohabitation or a bit of insanity on Omi's part.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age (I'm assuming he's 18 but still) combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Nagi paused as the inner door opened. He extended his senses carefully. _I am not getting hit by something the cameras insist isn't there. Just because everything says he's unconscious-- Paranoid, yes, but... No, he's right where he's supposed to be._ Nagi sighed and walked into the room, pulling a wheeled cart behind him. _At least I won't need to do much of that today. I so do not need the headache it'd give me._

Nagi wrinkled his nose. _Not as bad as I thought it'd be. Guess the air circulation helps. Of course, if he'd been sleeping in his bed, it'd be pretty ripe by now._ He paused to toe the untouched tray of food back into the antechamber. _No point keeping that._

Kudoh lay face down by the far wall. He'd collapsed there after a failed attempt to claw his way up the wall, trying to get to his feet again. _Idiot._ Nagi used his power to roll Kudoh onto his back and was pleased when the man showed no signs of rousing. _So the gas works as advertised. Just reinforce it a bit..._ Nagi smiled without much humor. _My new assistant has some things to learn. I don't think he understood why I insisted on using a hypodermic for this. Taisken technology may work better, but... I haven't used it before. Have to fix that. Anyway, I_ know _how hypodermics work._

Leaving the cart behind, Nagi crossed the cell to where Kudoh lay. He went down on one knee and started looking for an appropriate blood vessel. _I think Farfarello'd find this amusing as hell. Yes. That'll do nicely. Clean it off, and... Good. That damn well better hold him for a while._

Nagi replaced the cap on the hypodermic then pushed to his feet. He stood for a few seconds simply looking down at Kudoh. _He's definitely no threat like this. I think I like him better when he's awake._ Nagi turned away to retrieve the cart. _Wash him first. He's pretty disgusting up close. Then the i.v. Then the rest of the cleaning._

Nagi removed his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. _Maybe I should move him closer to the drain... Yes, I think so. Minimize the puddle I end up kneeling in._ He frowned and focused. Kudoh's body lifted into the air and began to move. _About there._

Nagi sighed and disguised the slight slumping of his shoulders by bending over the cart. _I'm going to have to touch him. No time for working up to it. He may not notice, but there are other people watching._ He straightened up and looked at Kudoh. _Let's see... Feet or hands? Feet then legs then hands then arms then... This is silly. It's not like he can hurt me. It's not like he's ever been able to hurt me._

Eventually, he found himself kneeling by Kudoh's feet. _I could so have someone else doing this... No._ He lifted the right foot and ran the soapy washcloth over it. _Toes look really silly up this close. Kind of squashed._ He hesitated then tweaked one of the middle toes. It moved easily, back and forth, up and down. _Will it bend? A little. I wonder if mine do that? Oh, what the hell. I hate wearing wet socks._ He set Kudoh's foot down and backed off a little. He removed his shoes and socks, tugging experimentally at one of his own toes in passing. _Yes, but it's different somehow..._ Then he rolled up his pant legs. _Not that that will help in the least. That's not where the water's going to end up._

He worked his way gradually up Kudoh's right leg, finally stopping mid-thigh to go back and wash the other foot and leg. Along the way, he explored the movement of ankle and knee, the texture of skin and hair, the occasional scar. _Look at each piece as a piece, not as part of the whole. That's later. Coarse hair, kind of prickly. Damn little fat, just muscle and bone._ He traced the line where two muscles intersected and kneaded them a little. _I bet he's got some terrible knots in there. He pushed himself way past what his body could handle._ Nagi sat back with a sigh as images of Kudoh's activity flashed through his mind. _He started with speed, precision, a grace that made everything look easy. I'm so glad I got that tape... Then he fought with himself, mind ruling body._ Nagi bent his head to hide his face from the cameras as he smiled. _Which one should I say won?_ He pressed his fingers into Kudoh's flesh. _Yes, I bet that's not supposed to be there._ He applied a steady stretching pressure to the lump he'd found and was surprised to feel it yield a little. _It's not that easy when it's my leg... Hm. I bet that would hurt like hell if he were awake._

He ran careful hands over Kudoh's legs. _I didn't realize they were so long. It's not so obvious when I'm... thinking of other things. How the hell did he keep moving with these knots?_ He massaged the muscles for a moment then stopped. _No. Actually, I should save this for after we get the i.v. in._ He shook his head. _No. Better do it first. I'm not going to want to move him a lot once that's in._ Nagi sat back and rolled his shoulders, trying to release some of the building tension. _I am_ not _going to lose to a god damned memory._ He glanced at his hands and was pleased to realize they were completely steady. _Just make the damned decision._ He sighed. _This was not covered in any of my lessons. I am not calling Crawford for advice, and I am not going to screw this up._ He set his lips in a frown and resumed the massage. _Kudoh better appreciate this._

Eventually, Nagi moved on to Kudoh's right hand. _Long fingers. They don't look very strong, but they must be. I've seen the power in his wrists... It's very different with the will gone. No threat but no grace either. What would he do with them if I didn't bind him? Try to kill me, most likely._ He traced a hairline scar with his thumb. _From his wire. Has to be. At least that has the virtue of being both concealable and reusable. But it's not really a distance weapon. Why the hell doesn't he use a gun? Hm. Cut himself a lot, hasn't he?_

He rested the hand in his lap as began working his way up the arm. _More muscle spasms. Maybe a relaxant? Do I want to be that kind?_ He traced the line of a muscle with his finger. _This is the power I take from him each time I bind him. I think I can be generous; even if I give him a muscle relaxant and pain killer, he's going to have a hell of a time moving. I want him to recover quickly, so I can--_ He paused for a moment. _Good thing I have a sense of humor. I can see the irony. I want him to recover so I can push him till he cracks again. More than that-- I want him to be awake when I touch him, want to see his eyes when I fuck him._ He sighed and shook his head. _Not something to think about now. I'm going to have to wait for that. But it's a good sign that touching him's not repulsive._

The tattoo came as no surprise. Even if Nagi'd somehow managed to overlook it in his previous observations, he'd have known about it from Kudoh's file. _Their psych people analyzed the damn thing to hell and gone._ He didn't bother stopping to study it. _I can already draw it from memory and recite Kritiker's top theories about what it means. Somehow, I doubt it's the key to his psyche that they've treated it as. Oh, important, definitely, but not... I wonder how many layers he's got?_

After he finished both of Kudoh's arms, Nagi sat back to consider. _Back or front? I could wash his face and hair now, but... That can wait until after everything else. I..._ Nagi stared at the body in front of him. _It's just a body. One I've touched before. One I own. Even if he were conscious, he couldn't touch me._ But he knew that, if he lifted them, his hands would be shaking. _I_ will _be rational._ I _am in control._ He wrung out the washcloth with unnecessary force.

 _Back first._ Nagi set down the washcloth and reached out to roll Kudoh onto his stomach. _No power here. I won't let myself avoid him that way._ He took a moment to straighten Kudoh's limbs. _No point hurting him accidentally._ He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. _He smells like... No! Not going there! Not._ Nagi clenched his jaw in an effort not to retch. _I thought I'd gotten used to the smell of masculine sweat living with Schwarz, but... I wonder what this room smells like to Kudoh now?_ The question distracted Nagi enough from his memories to let his stomach start to settle. _Poor bastard._

Nagi picked up the washcloth again and dipped it in the water. _Add a bit of soap..._ He moved with a little more gentleness than he'd used on Kudoh's limbs. _I bet that's from the bullet that almost killed him. Or is it that one? All incidental scars, I think, just part of the job. Has anyone ever deliberately marked him?_ Nagi closed his eyes for a second. _Most of mine... Do I have any that are work related? I really should get those removed..._ He swallowed hard and continued his work, fighting to keep his breathing steady as he moved down Kudoh's back. _If this is this bad, I don't want to think about doing the front. Steady. It's not like this is unexplored territory._

 _But it is. I've looked, and I've hit, but..._ He ran his hand along Kudoh's side from shoulder blade to hip, detaching himself enough to think only of texture and contour. _I could enjoy doing that, I think. Would he arch into my touch or would he flinch and fight not to pull away? He'd hate himself either way._ Nagi traced fingers over the curves of Kudoh's ass. _I haven't really looked at it from this angle. He's too thin._ Nagi's lips quirked in a small smile. _He's going to wonder when he wakes... Will he ask me? I doubt it. Would fucking him feel different with him unconscious?_ His throat tightened, and he shook his head. _I didn't expect to like it. Too many reminders... But it's different when I'm in control, when I'm not the one who needs to be afraid. And he's beautiful when he's awake. Right now... Now he's just a mannequin, no life, nothing interesting about him._

He shook his head again and went back to washing. _That's beside the point. But... Hot and tight around me. Fear in Kudoh's eyes, tainting his scent. His body beneath me. No. Not now._ Nagi shifted uncomfortably, hoping the cameras couldn't pick up the sudden bulge in his pants. _Great. What do I do now? Not that. Too damn close to necrophilia. Besides... This is about owning him. Not about me getting off._

 _But nobody'd say anything if I did._ He closed his eyes for a moment. _Well, I'm done washing back here. I probably ought to see about getting the knots out of his muscles, but... He'll just have to live with them. Time to turn him over._ He opened his eyes and leaned forward, putting his hands under Kudoh's body and lifting. Kudoh rolled untidily, ending up with an arm pinned under him. _Get that in a second..._ Nagi moved his eyes to Kudoh's groin and felt most of his desire vanish. _Triumph of sorts that it's not all gone, but I wish... Fear's so damn uncomfortable!_ He snorted softly. _Wonder how he feels about fear? Does he feel it the way I--_ He cut off the thought and stared at the hair, the flaccid penis, the testicles. _Looks pretty harmless, doesn't it? Like Kudoh himself..._

Nagi busied himself washing Kudoh's chest and abdomen. He took his time, pausing often simply to touch. _I'm going to need to do this more than once. At least I'm not_ really _afraid..._ He set his lips in a thin line as he drew nearer to Kudoh's crotch. _I don't think it's going to suddenly spring up and attack me. Well, actually, my intellect doesn't think so, but the rest of me certainly does. So smooth. So soft. Nothing else on his body feels like that._ He washed and rinsed everything carefully before setting aside the washcloth. _This is the problem, my weakness._

 _It's his weakness, too. I don't think anything else I did hurt him as badly... He didn't want to come. It was something I made him do, not just something I did to him. That's really what makes me doubt Kritiker's files; by what they say, he should have wanted the pleasure desperately, found no shame in it. And Crawford missed it, either that or he's choosing not to mention it, which I doubt._ Nagi curled his fingers around Kudoh's penis and began rolling and stroking it. _Can I get him hard this way? Apparently so. I wonder..._ For a moment, he was watching again as Kudoh's body arched under Nagi's telekinetic touch. _He fought me on that, but he couldn't fight me now. He'd never even know, not unless I told him. How would he react if I told him?_ He looked down at Kudoh's inert body and shook his head minutely. _No. If I indulge that sort of line of thought, I'll end up destroying him. At least right now..._ Nagi paused and stared off into space for a minute. _If I do this correctly, he'll be mine forever. I need him to trust me, rely on me. I_ want _him to._ He felt desire rise within him again and laughed softly. _Enough._

He rose, carried the water he'd been using to the sink and poured it out. He refilled the container and returned to where Kudoh lay. He set the pan down. "Back in a moment, Yohji-kun," he said. He rummaged on his cart for a moment before finding what he was looking for. _What I want is never where I remember putting it._

He lifted the cell phone and pushed a button. "Mazi? I'm ready for the next step, but I want some changes. Add a reasonable muscle relaxant and some sort of pain killer to all of the bags. No, I don't have anything specific in mind. His muscles are knotted to hell and gone. Have the doctors pick out something that'll help. I want him to know how much he should hurt but not feel too bad. Right. Yes, good idea. Oh, and please send in my lunch. And a change of clothes. And something for me to sit on. Soon." _With luck, the drugs'll keep him calmer, too. After all, I waited until he passed out because I didn't want him to panic and hurt himself._

 _Now, I wait._ Nagi set down the phone. _I suppose I might as well get started on his hair..._

Washing Kudoh's hair required a few trips to the sink for more water but was otherwise more messy than difficult. _This stuff smells nice. I wonder who picked it out. Crawford? Not really his style. I suppose it might actually be Kudoh's; we got everything from his place._ Nagi worked his fingers along Kudoh's scalp before trying to move out toward the ends. The strands tangled, sticking stubbornly together in spite of Nagi's best efforts. _Now that definitely would hurt if he were awake. I probably should have combed it first._

He rinsed away the shampoo by the simple expedient of pouring water repeatedly over Kudoh's head. _Careful. Don't get his nose... At least the floor slopes properly._ He blotted Kudoh's hair with a towel. _I think that's dry enough to comb now._

Nagi was still struggling to get the comb through Kudoh's hair a few minutes later when the door opened. He didn't bother looking up. "I want to set up over there, where it's dry. Not too near the bed or the door." He gestured toward the area where Kudoh'd been lying after he'd passed out.

Someone moved past him, and Nagi tracked the movement with part of his attention. _This shouldn't be this hard. Kudoh does it all the time._

"That'd be easier if you used conditioner," a familiar voice announced in lightly accented Japanese.

Nagi froze for a second and schooled his face to hide his irritation before looking up. "Schuldig-sempai."

Schuldig's answering grin had an edge to it. "Why is nobody ever happy to see me?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Nagi asked dryly. "It seems like something you'd rather not know."

Schuldig sniffed in a facsimile of thoughtfulness. "Anyway, that's what conditioner's for, stopping the tangling. That's why Kudoh put it on his list of luxuries."

Nagi rocked back on his heels and met Schuldig's eyes. As was so often the case, the German telepath stood too close, and the effect was accentuated by the fact that he towered over the kneeling Nagi. _Why is he carrying a pillow?_ Nagi kept the thought carefully masked behind the minutia of his sensory impressions. Wet clothes. Hard floor. Scent of shampoo. Hair wrapped around his fingers. "While that's good to know for future reference, I think he's just going to have to live with tangles." _And what's he doing here? No. I know the answer to that. It's always the same unless Crawford's ordered him to do something. He's playing._

"He'll probably think less of you for it." Schuldig's tone managed to be both light and patronizing.

Nagi remained politely silent, waiting for elaboration. _I wonder if he'll ever treat me as an adult. No. If we both live that long, I'll have white hair-- He'll dye his, of course-- and he'll still treat me like I'm ten._ He sighed silently. _And fighting him over it only underlines to him that I'm not grown up, gives him a chance to pat me on the head with exaggerated respect._

"Kudoh rather likes you, at least when you're just talking to him."

Nagi summoned a towel and began drying Kudoh's body. He paused just for a moment to look at Schuldig and raise his eyebrows.

"Hey! I just said I wouldn't interfere. Nobody said anything about watching!" There was an edge of mockery in Schuldig's words in spite of the near apologetic content.

This time, Nagi did sigh audibly. "And I suppose it's been a good show." He didn't bother making it a question.

"If playing voyeur's all I'm going to get..." Schuldig shrugged. "Crawford won't even let me play with Tsukiyono. I'm sure I could get a reaction out of him, but no. Even Fujimiya could be fun, and I don't see what Crawford's so worried about. It's not like he'd tell his sister; he wouldn't want to worry her."

Nagi focused his eyes on Kudoh. "He's my project, sempai." _//My toy.//_

 _//And you're real close to breaking your toy, kid. I thought I'd offer a few pointers.//_ Schuldig smiled. "I brought you a cushion to kneel on. They were going to send in a fancy leather covered executive's chair before I stepped in."

"Fine. Put it over there by the door. I might as well be near the wall." Nagi let skepticism leak into his mental voice. _//You're a lot better at smashing things than you are at keeping them for later use, sempai. What sort of pointers do you have in mind?//_

Schuldig tossed the cushion into the air. "Put it there yourself, kid."

Nagi reached out psionically and caught the pad before it landed in a puddle. He moved it toward the doorway and let it fall. "You're very bored," he observed mildly. _//And would Fujimiya really be that much fun? He's very predictable.//_

 _//And it drives him crazy because he can't figure out how I keep pushing his buttons.//_ "Of course I'm bored. None of you will let me play."

Nagi lifted Kudoh and began drying his back. "You're not cute when you pout."

 _//So is that what you like about Kudoh? That he's not predictable?//_ "I'm not pouting. I never pout." Schuldig stepped in closer and crouched beside Nagi, carefully keeping his pants out of the water pooled on the floor. "He has gotten thin, hasn't he? Not that there was much there to begin with. So you like heroin chic?"

"He's been refusing to eat. I don't know if he's punishing himself, trying to assert control over his body, trying to keep from throwing up or even simply forgetting." _//And I'm not asking you!//_ "I'll get it out of him later if it turns out to matter."

 _//No point asking him either. He's been too busy running to have the slightest idea//_ Schuldig reached out and trailed his fingers along Kudoh's spine. _//I like the waif look. Very delicate.//_

Nagi's upper lip curled just a little. "Stop trying to bait me, sempai." He rose to his feet and lifted Kudoh's body in his arms. _He's still a bit wet, but I don't think that will hurt any._ He looked to see whether or not the technician was finished setting up.

"Does that mean you won't share?"

Nagi ignored the hurt in Schuldig's words. _It's as much a lie as anything else about him._ "Not even if you're dying of boredom."

"It's not as if he'd know--"

Nagi swung around and stared at Schuldig. "And where'd you find your fun if he didn't know? I know you."

Schuldig grinned unrepentantly and shrugged. "I thought I'd tell Fujimiya all about it."

"Lie. It's not like he'll know." Nagi turned again and walked toward the technician. In Taisken, he said, "I think we'll want to put down a blanket or towel for him to lie on; he's still a little wet."

"Of course, sir." The woman's response was soft enough that Nagi had to strain to hear her. She bent to follow Nagi's order without quite meeting his eye.

"Giving Fujimiya the full sensory treatment'd be more fun. I want to see how he explains to himself when revulsion isn't his only reaction." Schuldig sent Nagi an image of Fujimiya, sitting in front of a row of monitors, flushed with righteous anger and fidgeting with embarrassed arousal.

"Hm." Nagi was too busy watching the technician to respond properly. _I can't play right now. I've got other things to do. //Sempai, does it seem to you that she's moving a bit stiffly. Take a look please. Do we frighten her? Or--?//_

Schuldig strolled forward, stopping at Nagi's side, near Kudoh's head. Schuldig caressed Kudoh's cheek. "So do you like the stubbly look and feel?" _//Her name's Telat, if you care. She's read his file. His whole file. She feels sorry for him. That's all. She's not planning to do anything about it. She doesn't like working here, doesn't really fit her training or inclination.//_

 _Hell, I feel sorry for him myself._ Nagi buried the thought deep. _//How'd she get his whole file? A medical technician shouldn't have that kind of clearance.//_ "The look's fine. As for the feel..."

"Not your favorite, eh?" _//She thinks it was a computer hiccup. The damn thing just popped up on her screen when she requested the medical information.//_ "You could get rid of it permanently. The Taisken have a quick treatment."

"I'll look into it." The technician had a blanket spread on the floor, so Nagi deposited Kudoh there. Then Nagi turned away. _I don't need to watch the tubes go in._ He met Schuldig's eyes. _//I'm still not sharing, sempai. Crawford was quite specific about the results he wants, and I'm not about to risk screwing up deliberately. Why don't you spend some time with the tech? I bet she could show you how to get the computers to do what you want them to.//_

"Selfish aren't you, kid?" _//I could just take what I want.//_ Schuldig's thought had hard edges.

 _//No, you can't.//_ "What Kudoh wants has little relevance." _//I will protect what's mine.//_ Nagi was a little surprised by the adamance of his own mental voice.

 _//And he's yours? I think you're very much enjoying this game, Nagi. How... unexpected.//_ Schuldig put a hand on Nagi's shoulder and tugged. Nagi resisted briefly, then acquiesced and turned to face his teammate. Amusement vied with sharp curiosity for pride of place in Schuldig's expression.

 _//Sempai?//_ Nagi kept his tone carefully neutral.

Schuldig tapped a knuckle briefly on the underside of Nagi's chin. "Are you sure you won't give me something to make Fujimiya grind his teeth over? He gives himself such lovely headaches."

 _Ignore the gesture. Growling will only give him something else to patronize me over._ Nagi inclined his head to one side. "I wasn't aware that Fujimiya felt that way about Kudoh." _//Or that you felt that way about Fujimiya.//_

 _//Hey, I'll play with anybody who amuses me.//_ "Oh, he doesn't. At least not specifically. But because it's Kudoh, his guilt doesn't quite swamp the rest of his response." _//He watched you last time, and it got him hard. He wondered what it'd be like to be Kudoh... And what it'd be like to be you. He hasn't forgiven himself for the fantasies yet.//_

Nagi swallowed against a sudden wave of nausea. _That his own team leader would look at him_ that _way-- I so did not need to know that. At least, none of them, Schuldig, Farfarello, even Crawford, ever looked at me with contempt or... or_ that _way. But I could use it. If Fujimiya acts on the impulse or expresses open contempt... Kudoh'd have nowhere to turn but to me._ He stepped back. "I think you should go, sempai. There won't be anything interesting happening here for a while. I'm sure you can come up with an ugly enough lie for Fujimiya." _//I was hoping for a little quiet time, and talking with you is distracting.//_

Schuldig waved a hand, dismissing the previous conversation entirely. "Are you getting what you want out of this, kid?" His smirk didn't falter, but his mental voice showed what seemed to be genuine concern. _//This can't be easy. If-- Don't let Crawford push you into anything, Nagi. Give me a heads up if he gets pissed, and I'll draw the heat.//_ Schuldig's expression altered slightly to become a smile of predatory anticipation. _//Baiting our fearless leader's one of my favorite hobbies.//_

Affection for the telepath temporarily overwhelmed the irritation Nagi'd felt since he'd first realized the man had entered Kudoh's cell. _//Thank you, onii-san.//_

Schuldig's eyes widened just a little. _//You haven't called me that in a long time, kid.//_

 _//Crawford said it was unprofessional.//_

 _//I know. He's not always right.//_

Nagi let a genuine smile flicker across his face. _//It's okay, though. If anything... upsets me, I've got an easy target.//_ He let his eyes flicker to Kudoh's unconscious form. _//And Crawford doesn't really give a damn whether or not Kudoh survives.// But I want him to survive, don't I? I don't think I'm supposed to._ "I'm learning a great deal, Schuldig-sempai. The whole thing's more complex than the books suggested."

"I could give you a pretentious line of shit about how life's always like that, but I'd just bore us both." Schuldig shrugged, rolling his shoulders. "In my experience, life's usually a hell of a lot simpler than most people'd have us believe." _//The tech's done.//_

As if on cue, the woman spoke, "Naoe-san, please pardon the interruption, but he's set to go."

Nagi turned to look straight at her. _No, she's not going to cause problems. At least not this time. Too damn scared of me._ "You started him on saline?"

"Yes, sir." She kept her eyes down and made a vague gesture, flicking her fingers toward the floor. "That was what was indicated." She looked up. "Do you need me to show you--?"

"No. That's all right. I'm familiar with the set up, and you'll be on call anyway. Right?" _//Onii-san, would you keep an eye on her when she leaves? I don't know if she'll grow a backbone, and I'd rather not be surprised.//_

 _//Not a problem, kid. Anything else?//_

 _//Well... I've given orders for them to turn off the sound surveillance on my cue. It's not that I don't trust my people, but... I don't trust anyone. And I don't think Crawford will be all that happy about it.//_

 _//Done.//_  
********'

Yohji woke slowly with a sort of floating feeling as if his mind and body weren't quite connected. For a little while, he just lay there, enjoying the sensation. Thought felt like too much trouble, and he was distantly certain that someone would let him know if there was anything urgent he needed to do.

Then he heard a small sigh and a rustling as if someone were moving. _I'm not moving, so obviously it's someone else. I'm not cuddled up, so either they're up or I'm being horribly rude._ Twitching his hands away from his body on either side took more effort than he expected. _Nothing. But this bed's hard as a rock. And what's that pinch in my arm?_ Then his right hand hit the edge of the blanket beneath him. _I'm not in a bed. Oh. Fuck._ He shivered as memory hit him.

He opened his eyes and turned his head to the left. The pinch he'd felt was explained by an i.v. shunt letting liquid into his body from a bag hanging above him. The wall seemed to be only a few inches behind the rack holding the i.v. bag. _Oh._ He blinked and licked his lips. _He's in here somewhere. Be damned if I'm going to look._ He cleared his throat and said, "So what are you pumping into me?" He coughed a little, the words irritating his throat.

"A glucose solution right now, Yohji-kun." Nagi's response came promptly and cheerfully. "There's a muscle relaxant in there too and a painkiller. You really did a number on your body."

 _Oh. I did? Oh, yeah, I did. I don't want to think about that._ Yohji closed his eyes again. _Maybe I can just go back to sleep._

"Go back to sleep if you want to, Yohji-kun. I'll be here when you wake up. But when you do want to get up, let me know. You'll probably be a bit unsteady at first."

 _Whatever I do, I must not panic._ Yohji turned his head and stared across the room at Nagi. Nagi knelt on a pillow just to the left of the cell door. He had a heavy looking book in his lap. A three tiered metal cart sat a few feet to Nagi's left. _Not that I feel like panicking... What sort of drugs has he been feeding me? Maybe panic's not such a bad idea after all..._

Nagi set the book on the floor. "Of course, you probably really need to use the toilet about now."

 _Yeah, I do. Damn._ Yohji's hands clenched on the blanket underneath him. _Just as well I'm not panicking._ He rolled toward his right, trying to lift his left arm enough to avoid tangling the i.v. His movements felt sluggish, and nothing seemed to be quite where he expected it to be. _That damn tube has to go._ He turned his head to glare at the rack. _Wait. Is that one of those with wheels? Yes. That's got to be the lock._ He let his head fall back for a moment, marshalling his strength, then rolled to his left.

"Yohji-kun--"

Yohji ignored the warning in Nagi's tone. _That won't support my weight, but I can use it for balance. It'll work. It has to work._ He struggled to his knees and found himself swaying. He blinked. _It shouldn't be that far to the floor._ He reached toward the metal pole with his right hand. His first attempt missed. _Easy. Wait till you feel the metal. Then grip. There._ His fingertips brushed the pole, and he held them there for a moment. _Forward. Yes. That's it. Oh. I have to unlock it. I won't be able to do that once I stand up-- If I bend over, I'll fall. I should have done unlocked the wheels first, shouldn't I?_

The simple switch holding the wheels immobile snapped to the open position. Yohji couldn't keep himself from glancing back at Nagi. _No. I'm not dealing with him right now._ "I don't need your help," he growled. _I didn't mean to say that. Shit._

"Of course not, Yohji-kun." Nagi gave him a gentle smile.

Yohji turned his attention to getting to his feet. He clung to his dignity by pretending he didn't notice Nagi's power supporting him as he wobbled. _I can't stop him, and I'll look like an idiot if I fight right now._ He took a few careful steps to clear the blanket. _I do not want to get the wheels tangled in that. Good. It's getting easier._ He still felt clumsy, fuzzy, as if his mind weren't quite connected to his body. _This isn't just the drugs. What the hell did he do to me?_

He stumbled and would have fallen if not for Nagi's telekinetic hold. _Not him. Me._ Impressions of frantic, incessant movement flashed through his mind. _I-- He-- Schuldig-- No. One thing at a time. Get to the toilet. At least, now I know what the pain killers are for. I should hurt like hell. Somehow, I don't think I'm going to thank him._

Yohji made his way slowly toward his goal. Once there, he collapsed on the seat. _Fuck dignity. It's not like I've got any left anyway._ He took a moment to take a physical inventory. _My legs'll cramp if I as much as twitch. My hands, hell, my whole arms, shake if they're not supported. I don't hurt much, but... And that ache-- I didn't do that. How long was I out? The son of a bitch put a fucking catheter in me._ He closed his eyes. _I'd hate the alternative too. Even the thought of him cleaning up the mess isn't... doesn't... The hell with it._

His immediate business dealt with, Yohji turned his attention to the i.v. He looked at it with loathing. _That has got to go. I don't need it. I don't need anything from him._ He laid his left arm across his legs and began picking at the tape.

"Would you like me to send for the medical tech, Yohji-kun?"

Yohji started slightly at Nagi's words. _I'd almost forgotten he was there. Not good. So very not good._ He shook his head. "I can do it." He spoke flatly, leaving no room for argument.

In the end, he had to use his teeth to pull the tape loose. His arm bled a little, and he was sure he'd have a spectacular bruise. _But the damn thing's out. And I did it myself._ He dropped the shunt and looked at Nagi with as much challenge as he could muster.

Nagi regarded him for a moment. "Can you stand, Yohji-kun?"

"Stop treating me like a child!" Yohji snapped. _Oh, yeah. Provoke him. Real smart Kudoh._

Nagi raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to stop acting like one?"

Unable to formulate an answer that wouldn't simply underline Nagi's point, Yohji chose instead to struggle to his feet. He swayed a little but managed to keep his balance without, he hoped, looking too ridiculous. "So where do you want me, Nagi-san? Flat on my back again?" Yohji clenched his hands into fists. _He trimmed my damn nails too. Is there anywhere he didn't touch me?_ "Or have you already taken care of that part of the routine?" _Fuck. I've got to slow down. I can't afford to piss him off again. Tempting as it may be..._

"Twice does not routine make," Nagi stated. His tone was flat, but Yohji thought he saw a trace of humor in Nagi's features. "And you're hardly in any shape for such an encounter. Sit down somewhere before you fall. Or, if you're feeling really ambitious, comb your hair and shower. Maybe you'll feel more friendly if you take care of something else yourself." Then Nagi looked at one of the cameras and said a few words in a language Yohji didn't recognize. "Whatever you do, our meal will be here soon." Nagi picked up his book again and appeared to resume reading.

 _Is he really--? Does he really--?_ Yohji distractedly ran fingers through his hair then winced as they caught in multiple tangles. "What the fuck did you do to my hair?" _Oh, great. I'm going to be nasty to him. How long till he hits me this time?_

Nagi looked up. "I washed it, Yohji-kun." He returned his attention to his book.

 _But I don't think he's mad, at least not yet. Or if he is, he's not letting it show. I can't tell... At least, if he does lose his temper, I don't think it'll hurt as badly. I'm too doped up to feel it much or to fight. Then why--?_ "If you did... the usual... Nagi-san, I don't think I'd feel it much." _Great. That came out clearly. And it sounded like I want to be raped. Which I don't._

"Go and sit down, Yohji-kun." Nagi set his book down with a sigh and met Yohji's eyes.

 _He's trying to be gentle, but... Something about his eyes. He's trying to see what I'm thinking, feeling, wanting. But what does_ he _want?_

"Over there would work." Nagi gestured toward Yohji's mattress.

"Oh." Yohji's eyes followed Nagi's gesture. "Yes." _Yes. That would be nice. Soft. Warm. Safe... And I wouldn't have to stand up any more._ He took a step forward. Then he stopped and looked at Nagi again. _That's not really what he wants. He--_ Yohji froze. _That's lust. He wants to throw me down and fuck me. He--_

Nagi raised his eyebrows. "Well?" He pointed. "Go. Over there."

Yohji flinched at the irritation he heard in Nagi's voice. _He's losing patience. I... I don't want that. Not really._ Yohji focused his eyes on the mattress and his attention on lifting his feet for each step toward his goal. _But I thought I saw... For a moment he was thinking about it. About fucking me again. Wanting to do it right now, right here. I know lust. But... He didn't move. I don't think he moved. If he didn't, there wasn't anything for me to see. I... Just keep moving forward. Almost there._

 _I'm not going crazy._

 _Not yet._

The pallet seemed to welcome him, and he collapsed rather than sat. He huddled there for a moment before reaching out to wrap his blanket around his body. He tucked the stuffed cat into his lap and pulled the blanket tight around his shoulders.

That done, he looked up and around the cell. Nagi still knelt on his cushion by the door. Yohji wasn't quite certain what the other man's facial expression meant. _I think... I think he feels sorry for me. That's good, isn't it?_

Out of the corner of his eye, Yohji saw the blanket he'd been lying on when he awoke twitch. A corner lifted into the air, pulling the rest of the fabric up after it. _That looks silly._ Yohji giggled. _I didn't just do that, did I?_

Nagi smiled, and the blanket began to dance. The leading corner moved, and the rest undulated gently after. _He's controlling more than just the corner now..._ Yohji began to laugh. The blanket spun, the fabric near the corner twisting a little while the bottom billowed out in an imitation skirt. _If I were steadier on my feet, I'd ask it to dance._

Yohji was never quite certain afterward just when the tears started, but his laughter gradually transformed into sobs. He folded himself to put his knees against his chest and his cheek against his knees. As he began to rock, he was dimly aware that the dancing blanket stilled. A moment later, he felt its weight settle on his shoulders, draping over the first blanket.

 _Why am I crying? I can't feel much pain right now. These tears don't burn me. No sharp edges... He's being kind again. As long as I don't fuck it up again... I can even use this. I'm just so damn tired. It's just so hard to focus, to keep up the facade._

A small moving object caught his eye, a white square of cloth. _A handkerchief. Oh._ It stopped and hovered in front of him. _Why stop? Oh. I have to choose. He makes me take the damn blanket but only offers this._ Yohji sniffled then extended a very tentative hand. _Cotton. Very fine weave. Oh, nice..._ He tugged on the fabric, and it fell into his hand. He used it to blot his eyes and to blow his nose then dropped it on the floor.

Yohji made himself look at Nagi and coughed a little to clear his throat. "What happens next?" He knew the moment the words were out of his mouth that Nagi would not understand. _But saying it hurt so much... And I didn't really want to ask. My editing sucks right now._

"Our meal should be here in a minute. After we eat, we talk."

Yohji shook his head. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san. I meant-- After all of this. After you've learned what you're going to learn. After you're tired of the game. After... Will you kill me then?" _I don't want to die, Nagi-san._ Holding his head up took effort, and his eyes ached with the intensity of his focus. _Will you even tell me? I shouldn't have asked. I couldn't have if..._ "Do I call these good drugs or bad drugs?"

Nagi sat very still for a moment after Yohji finished speaking then rose to his knees. "I have no intention of killing you, Yohji-kun. I'm sorry. Do you want to die? Is that what this has been about?"

 _He-- I-- So fierce. Owning me matters to him. It's a change. A big change. Would he disobey Crawford over it? That might be too much to hope for, but... Maybe. Maybe. Should I tell him the truth? I don't think he cares what I want. I don't think it'll change what he wants, what he does._ Yohji shuddered. He began inching backward, trying to get his back against the wall.

"If it helps, Yohji-kun, nobody's listening. I had the sound monitoring turned off. I thought it might be easier to talk that way." Nagi lowered himself to a kneeling position again.

"What about watchers? Ran-- Abyssinian?" _God, especially Ran._

"He's otherwise occupied," Nagi responded flatly. "He's not watching now."

 _He doesn't like Ran._ Yohji found the wall and let himself lean. _I don't think... That's not all of the truth._ He closed his eyes. "I don't want to die." _But I'm not afraid of it either._ "I just don't want to hurt any more." _Damn! My focus is slipping again._ "Good drugs or bad?" he mused.

Nagi chuckled. "You hurt a lot less than you should," he replied.

"But I keep saying things!" Yohji sighed and let his head start rocking from side to side, rolling along the wall. "Bad. Good. Bad. Good. Bad--" His rhythm was interrupted by the sound of the cell door opening, and he opened his eyes again.

Nagi rose to his feet to take a large tray from a woman who didn't seem to want to come near him. She flinched slightly as his hands brushed hers. Then Nagi said something sharp sounding in a language Yohji didn't recognize.

 _The same language as before? I think so. What the hell's she so scared of?_

The woman crossed to the abandoned i.v. rack and coiled the tubing before pushing the apparatus toward the antechamber. She glanced in Yohji's direction but didn't quite meet his eyes. She paused in front of Nagi, looking at the floor, and said something.

"Yohji-kun, before I let her go, do you want her to put antiseptic on your arm? Or... Are you feeling any excessive discomfort? I can have her give you something additional to take the edge off."

Yohji found himself pressing his back harder against the wall, and he shook his head. _No. Not someone else doing things to my body. Not._ Then he hesitated. _I think there's a reason I shouldn't say no, but... What would Balinese do? He'd take it. No question. Because it'd feel good. No. I can't._ "I can't. I just can't. Please?" He choked a little on the last word, hoping the implied 'do I have to?' would be clear. _It's not like he doesn't already know I'm not Balinese... And he doesn't like Balinese, anyway._

Nagi smiled. "It's up to you. I just didn't think you'd want to miss out on attention from a pretty woman."

 _Is she pretty? I hadn't noticed. I should have._ Yohji focused his attention on the woman but couldn't seem to really see her. "All women are beautiful when viewed in the proper light, Nagi-san." _And that's not really a sequitor, but... Maybe he won't notice._

Nagi frowned for a second then spoke to the woman again, waving a dismissive hand. She continued on into the antechamber, and the door closed quietly behind her. Nagi knelt again and bent over the tray. "Here. You start with this." A tall, lidded cylinder lofted toward Yohji. Reflexively, he extended his hands to catch it, but he moved more slowly than usual and would have missed if the thing hadn't paused at the last minute then settled gently into his grasp. "It's probably a bit too sweet for your taste, Yohji-kun, but I want you to drink all of it."

Yohji hesitated, contemplating the plastic container in his hand. It was cold to the touch, and water had started beading on the surface. "What is it?"

"This and that. Protein. Vitamins. That sort of thing. The medical people recommended it, said you ought to be able to keep it down." Nagi picked up a bowl and spoon and began eating.

 _He's watching me a lot more carefully than he wants me to realize. I think he's worried._ Yohji frowned and tried to figure out how to get the lid off his meal. _Ah. There. Well, I suppose he should be worried, at least if he does want me to survive. I'm not in very good shape. I've worked at breaking my body, and my mind..._

Yohji sniffed dubiously at the frothy yellow liquid. _Some sort of fruit? He did say sweet..._ He took a cautious sip. _Definitely fruit. Thick too._ His throat wasn't quite sure what to make of a substance too thick to be liquid and too thin to be solid. He frowned and looked at Nagi. "Yellow fruit flavor?"

Nagi also frowned, but his eyes reflected amusement. "I have it on the highest authority, Yohji-kun, that the flavor is peach."

"Ah." Yohji returned his gaze to the container and raised his eyebrows. "Peach." _Not. Well, kind of, but..._ He took a deep breath. _This'll go easier if I drink it fast. Won't notice the flavor or texture quite so much._ He tilted his head and the cup, pouring the liquid down as fast as he could swallow it, pausing only when his throat threatened rebellion. _It will stay down. It will. God knows what he'll do if I barf now._ When he felt more settled, he looked at the container. _Only half. Can I do that again?_

Yohji's revulsion must have been visible because Nagi said, "All of it, Yohji-kun. You don't need to rush it, but you do have to drink all of it. The doctors say you need it badly."

 _Doctors? Right._ "Or what, Nagi-san?" Anger edged Yohji's voice. _Christ! Don't go there, Kudoh. You so don't want to do that..._ "What are you going to do if I don't?" _And do I really care? I don't know if I do which I suppose means I don't... I just want to know what he'll say._

"Do you really want to know?" Nagi's response was calm, but Yohji thought he saw an underlying tension in the other man's body.

 _I really_ should _care about this..._ "I'm sure you'll enjoy telling me." Yohji raised his chin and set down his drink. _Shut up, Kudoh! You're being stupid, acting like a child, testing limits. Just drink the stuff and keep him happy._ "It's what you want, isn't it? More ways to own me? Well, go ahead! It's not like I can do anything to stop you." _But what will he do?_

Nagi's expression went flat, and Yohji thought he felt the air go utterly still just for a moment. Then Nagi shook his head. "Not today. Not this time."

Yohji found himself starting to shake. _But he wanted to. Oh, he wanted to... And I--_ Yohji pulled the blankets in closer about himself. _What the hell am I doing? Acting like a stupid fucking teenager. Yeah, way to go, Kudoh! Just because he wants something doesn't mean you have to fucking give it to him._

Yohji spent the next several minutes just looking at his hands, concentrating on breathing and on not throwing up. _Actually, when I don't think about the rest of it, what I've already drunk doesn't sit so badly. And the damn stuff probably is good for me. I've worn myself out... I should be smarter than that, better able to cope. With Nagi, with Schuldig, with being trapped. Right now, it's the drugs. Before... They're disassembling me pretty damn well._

"There's no hope for me, is there?" The sound of his own voice startled Yohji. _Oh, no..._

"That depends, Yohji-kun," Nagi replied. "Define hope. Then maybe I can answer your question. You asked earlier if you'd live. You will. Beyond that--" He shrugged. "It depends on what you're really asking."

 _How can he be so sure? What if Crawford-- But I want it to be true._ "I--" Yohji found himself staring at the floor, uncertain of exactly what he wanted to say. _If I really ask, I admit how close I am to falling apart. He may guess, but... I don't think he knows where the fractures are._ "I don't know, Nagi-san." He looked up at the ceiling. _Yes, that'll work._ "Will I see the sun again? Feel the wind and the rain?" _I just want someone to hold me, even if it's him. I don't think there is any hope; he almost owns me now. So no hope, not really._

"Do you miss those things so much?" Nagi's voice was warm with sympathy. He sighed. "I like to look at the stars. The view here's pretty good, less light pollution than Tokyo. You'd almost swear you were about to fall upward."

 _We're not in Tokyo._ "I almost never left the city until I started working. The schools I attended were never good ones." Yohji sighed and let his head fall back against the wall. "But you must know that."

"I know Kritiker's opinions." Nagi waved a dismissive hand. "That doesn't tell me how it really was, though."

"Oh, well..." _I wish I had a cigarette._ "I doubt that a better school would have made any difference. I'm a natural slacker." _I haven't had that craving for a while. I thought it'd be more all consuming._ "I was just glad to get out."

"A slacker, Yohji-kun?" Nagi sounded amused. "I suppose that's why you're so good as an assassin. Such an easy job. No need for practice or skill there."

"Hush! Don't give away my secret. People'll start expecting actual work out of me!"

"You should have picked a weapon that didn't require finesse. Speaking of that-- I always wondered-- Why don't you carry a gun?"

"Because you haven't given me one," Yohji replied instantly.

Nagi laughed. "And I'm not likely to any time soon, either. All right, why _didn't_ you, any of Weiss for that matter, carry a gun?"

 _How to say this... I've got to pay attention; I'm not scared enough to do this right._ "Persia-- the Persia that was, not the current one-- He had some idea that the whole endeavor was nobler if we stayed away from firearms. Something about making us traditional Japanese warriors." Yohji snorted. "At least, that's what they told us." _And if Ken had had even one decent ranged weapon... Ken, you idiot, you should have run!_ "After he died..." _Careful._ "Ran-- Abyssinian-- using guns offends his sensibilities. Not Japanese enough. He got pretty damn pissy when I pointed out that he was agreeing with a Takatori, but... He didn't want us to be imitation American thugs." Yohji felt a small smile escape him and hoped that it could pass as amusement at Ran's pigheadedness as opposed to the more awkward pleasure at telling his lies properly. _Ran just made a convenient excuse to withdraw our request after Birman... Her eyes went so damn cold when Omi asked. It's not like any of us were actually listening to Ran then._

"That's pretty silly."

 _But Nagi seems satisfied with the answer._ "Ran's like that."

Nagi smiled. "So everyone says. I've never actually talked to him. Crawford complains about him nonstop, though. I gather he's not very... flexible in thought."

 _He hasn't talked to Ran, but... I don't think he likes Ran at all. Why not? Usually that takes personal experience. Wait a minute-- Why do I think he doesn't like Ran? He's been sitting so damn still that I'm surprised I can get anything from his body language._ "Then why do you dislike him so much?"

Nagi hesitated and cocked his head to one side as if considering. "I hear far too much about him. He doesn't seem worth the effort of talking about." Nagi's expression sharpened. "I don't understand why you let him have that kind of power over you."

 _No, he doesn't like Ran. Is he_ jealous _? Of what?_ Yohji shrugged and bit his lip. _There's nothing good I can say to that._

Nagi's expression softened. "Try a little more of your drink, Yohji-kun. If you can keep that down, we'll try some real food."

Yohji felt a sudden surge of irritation and bit his lip harder. _That feels so small, but if I let it go, I'll say something really bitter. Again._ He picked up his cup and contemplated the liquid within. _Oh, come on, Kudoh. Just drink the stuff._ He put the cup to his lips and tilted it. _Swallow. Swallow. Oh, god--_ He choked a little and pressed his arms against his chest. His throat spasmed once then settled. _Stay down. Just stay down. Please._

"If you really can't manage any more, Yohji-kun, we can wait a bit and try again."

"That was most of it, Nagi-san, but..." Yohji set the cup down again. _About three centimeters left. I can do that. I can._ "I'll try." _If I throw up on my bed, will he replace it?_

"You've done quite a number on yourself," Nagi said conversationally.

"Not without your help." _And Schuldig's._ Yohji met Nagi's eyes. _Why the hell did I say that to Schuldig? Insisting that he face reality when he doesn't want to. I don't give a damn if he thinks Nagi's a child or not. Well, I did piss him off. That has its upside. Is Nagi a child? He's old enough for me to hold him responsible. Is he old enough... Never mind._

Nagi seemed to consider. Then he smiled just a little.

"And you're damned proud of it, too." _I shouldn't have said that._ Yohji pulled his knees up again and laid his cheek on them. "I hate you, Nagi-san." He spoke without heat, almost without inflection.

Nagi's laugh held almost no humor. "Is that supposed to surprise me, Yohji-kun?"

"No," Yohji whispered. "No, it shouldn't." He wasn't even sure Nagi could hear his words. _But I think it disappoints you. And now you want to come over here and make me look at you. You, the new center of my sick little universe._

"I'm not going to let you do this again, you know."

 _This? Do what? I'm too tired... Does he mean sleep? No, he said that was okay before. Something else, then._ Yohji found his mind starting to retreat. _But I could sleep again now. If he's restrained himself so far, he's probably not going to touch me if I make myself vulnerable. I wish..._ "Any comfort's better than none..." he murmured. _And like this I can't predict what he's going to do. No routine, and my brain's somewhere in outer space._

"What did you say?"

Yohji raised his head. "Nothing, Nagi-san." _If he didn't hear that, I'm sure as hell not giving it to him deliberately._

Their eyes met and held for a moment before Yohji looked away. _Yes, Nagi-san. You could force me to say it again. I'd lie once or twice along the way, but I've broken far enough that you could do it. You'd just have to be willing to shatter me in the process, and for some reason you don't seem to want to do that._ He felt a sudden tension in his body as realization dawned. _I just have to look fragile. You don't want to shatter me, so you'll back off if you think I'm close. But you're not stupid, so I'll have to_ be _close._ He buried his face on his knees and started to rock. _And I am close. Even with these damned drugs, I'm close._ "Don't hurt me, please." He tugged at the blankets as if trying to get them to swallow him. "Please, Nagi-san." _It's part pretense. Really._

"Yohji-kun," Nagi said sharply.

Obediently, Yohji raised his head. _Almost a reflex now. That's bad. That's very bad._ He whimpered, swallowing words that wanted to escape. _But I think I scared him. That's good, isn't it?_

"Pay attention," Nagi ordered.

Yohji nodded, not taking his eyes from Nagi's face. "Yes, Nagi-san. I'm listening." His voice trembled, and he felt a surge of shame at his weakness. _It's not all the drugs. I wish it were._

"We are not going to do this again." Nagi's expression was momentarily grim. "More specifically, _you're_ not going to do this again."

 _I could pretend to misunderstand. I don't think it would help._ "I need to exercise, Nagi-san," Yohji protested mildly. He gestured around the room. "It's not as if you've given me a lot of other things to do."

"Nevertheless." Nagi picked up a cup from the tray next to him and took a sip. "You are not to... get carried away... again."

Yohji looked away. "I can't promise that." _I can't._

"I know." Nagi let the silence stretch for a few moments before he went on, "That's why I've given orders to my people. You can work out. That's fine. However, when you fall, you will stop. One stumble, that's all. After that, you are to rest. You may sleep, shower, eat. Anything else, and we'll gas you. I will not permit you to damage yourself this way again."

Yohji bit his lip. _So my body's yours, and you don't like what I'm doing with it. I will_ not _say anything!_ He took a deep breath. _Okay, there is something I can say..._ "Two stumbles, Nagi-san. Please."

"One, Yohji-kun."

"Two. I don't want some over zealous twit gassing me because I trip on my way to the toilet."

Nagi smiled. "I suppose that's a reasonable concern. One or two of the technicians aren't really that bright."

 _I should have asked for more._ Yohji fought the urge to lower his head again. "It's all I've got, Nagi-san."

"It doesn't have to be. You know that."

Yohji felt his eyes widen. _That's new. What does it mean?_ His mind went blank for a moment, refusing to process the possibilities. He lowered his head to his knees for a moment. _I can't think._ "You've never-- So far, it's been a choice between less pain and... more pain." _Pay attention, Kudoh! This is important._ He raised his head again.

Nagi looked thoughtful. He hesitated for a moment before saying, "I suppose I haven't _explicitly_ offered you anything."

 _No you damn well haven't. I'd bargain. Oh, hell. Is he springing this on me now because I can't think?_ Yohji shook his head. "I-- can't think."

"I'd be surprised if you could, but you do have a lot of mental discipline. Not something reflected by your dossier." A corner of Nagi's mouth curved in an ironic smile.

 _No, I don't. I can't. Balinese doesn't--_ Yohji shook his head again then made himself meet Nagi's eyes. God-- "You know..." _I shouldn't have said that. He guesses; he doesn't know. He can't be sure. Got to get my head together._

"I haven't told anyone, if that's what worries you." Nagi lifted his cup and took a sip. "Crawford would want to... dissect the differences, dissect you. I just... appreciate them. You're more interesting than I expected."

 _He doesn't want Balinese; he wants_ me. _I..._ Yohji pulled his knees in tighter. _He'll get me eventually._ "What do you want?" _There're some things I can't give, some things I won't. At least not yet._ "What do you want that you can't just take?" _I didn't need to say that. Focus. I need to focus. I've got to stop saying things I don't want to._

"Some things can't just be taken. For the moment, however... Perhaps we should start simply. I suspect there's only so far I can-- should-- trust you."

Yohji laughed without humor. "Smart man." _Start simply! I don't think he even knows what he wants from me. No, he wants everything; he's just not sure where to start._ "I think... Your price is too high." _It almost isn't, though. If it was just me... I'd cooperate. I'd bend. I could come back from that._ He lowered his head. _I'm tired._ "I'm very tired, Nagi-san."

"Finish your drink, then, Yohji-kun. After that, you can take a nap. I'll be here when you wake up."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

 _I can't wait till Ran-kun's language lessons start._ Omi looked down at the pebbles piled around him and smiled sourly. _Each one a lesson to teach English to speakers of Taisken... I can't help thinking there must be an easier way. Well, obviously there is, and I bet I could get it if I "woke up." It's just that Crawford takes me a lot less seriously when I'm catatonic, and Schuldig will be a lot harder to fool if he actually starts trying to play with my mind._

 _But working on this keeps me from giving myself away. The longer I watch Ran-kun, the more I want to smack him. That would do wonders for my image. Although I suppose Ran-kun would be astonished if I restrained myself. We all know someone has to do it from time to time._

 _I just wish it weren't so obvious that he's refusing to think!_ Omi sighed. _Maybe I should go poke at the surveillance systems again. At least I'm making some progress there._ He stood and stretched. _God, I wish I could do that in my body! I need to officially wake up soon, or I won't be able to move at all. I'll have to see what Ouka-chan thinks; she's better at predicting Schuldig than I am._

He stretched further and pushed off from his platform. The speed of his movement through the system still astonished him. As he neared his objective, he immediately noticed that something had changed in the flow of information around the apartment he shared with Ran. _What the hell? That's the security system, I think._

 _//Nii-san! Get back here!//_ The hint of panic in Ouka's words told him that he didn't have time to waste, so Omi twisted his path to send himself back to the world outside. Settling back in his body hurt as he forced his senses into full alert.

 _Slow transition's so much easier... //What is it, Ouka-chan?//_

 _//Don't know. Ran-kun left for dinner on schedule. He even apologized for leaving us alone. He's been gone about five minutes, I think. Then the door opened. Someone's come in. It's not Schuldig, and it doesn't sound like Crawford. Besides, shouldn't he be at the dinner too?//_

 _//Right. We'll play it close.//_ Omi strained his senses. _Yes. Someone walking. He's not bothering to be quiet, but he's not very noisy either. //I think it's better to keep my eyes closed, Ouka-chan. Make sense?//_

 _//Yes.//_ Ouka's agreement came grudgingly.

 _//I think he knows what he's after.//_

 _//Yeah, us. I don't like this.//_

 _Neither do I. Especially given that something was different about the surveillance system... On one side, change is good; it lets me see what does what. On the other... I don't see why anyone would make changes in order to come look at a comatose body. //I need to check something in the system when we get the chance.//_

 _//Don't leave me alone! I'm not sure I can protect us against... whatever it is.//_

 _//Shh. I won't leave you behind in this. I promised I'd look after you, didn't I?// This has her worried. I forget, sometimes, that she's not as cold as I am, that nobody trained her for this._ Omi focused for a moment on creating a mental embrace for his sister.

Quiet footsteps entered the room and approached the bed on which Omi lay. "So you're what he's paying for." The voice was quiet and masculine and quite unfamiliar to Omi.

 _//Ouka-chan? Any ideas?//_

 _//Sorry, no. I don't think he's been in before, though.//_

Omi heard the muffled movement of the chair that Ran had left by the bed. _He's sitting. I suppose that's better than some things he could be doing. There're some things we'd have to react to. No, don't think of that right now. We already worked out what mattered that way a while ago._

"Schuldig and Crawford both insist that you can't hear anything anyone says to you. They're probably right, but... They've each been wrong a time or two before, so just in case... We've met before, at least in passing. I'm Naoe Nagi. And I won't hurt you. I made him a promise, well not explicitly, but I won't break it without good reason."

 _Naoe. What the hell does he want? And who's he talking about?_

 _//It has to be Yohji-kun. Who else could it be? I'm more surprised he's being so polite.//_ Ouka's comment didn't particularly surprise Omi. He was making no effort to keep his private thoughts private, and when he didn't work at it, she had to make an effort not to hear.

 _//I'm afraid you're right. It would fit with Ran-kun's... incoherencies.//_ Omi curbed his mental snarl in an effort not to let his emotions affect his body.

"Why do you matter so much to him? Oh, I know what Kritiker's psychologists think, but I'm coming more and more to the conclusion that they're idiots."

The slightest rustle of cloth warned Omi before fingers brushed hair off his forehead, and he suppressed a responding flinch.

"So why is he protecting you?" The fingers vanished, and Omi heard his visitor settle back in the chair. "I appreciate it because it makes some things easier, but an attachment that strong will get in my way. And it is strong. Just the thought of you makes him bend." Naoe's tone became a little bitter; then he sighed as if relinquishing that emotion. "Without that, I'd have to overpower him every time I walk in there. Even now when he already knows what he's up against..." Nagi sounded torn between frustration and admiration. After a moment, he sighed.

 _//I do not like this,//_ Omi commented. _//Whatever's going on with Yohji-kun, Naoe's responsible.//_

 _//And we both know what that "whatever" probably is,//_ Ouka answered.

Omi reacted sharply to Ouka's response, shifting his focus away from Naoe. _//What?//_

 _//Oh, nii-san...//_ Ouka sounded sad, and this time, she was the one to enclose Omi in a mental embrace. _//It has to be rape. What else would have Ran-kun reacting like that? And Naoe... He wouldn't have to overpower Yohji-kun for much else.//_

Omi felt like she'd punched him in the gut. He clung to her mental presence for a moment then steeled himself to listen to more of Naoe's monologue.

"He doesn't know you're like this. Crawford thought he didn't need to know. I'm not sure I agree, so I may tell him. Then again, I may not. I'd rather have him thinking about me. And he does. He'll forget about you, about the why, eventually."

Omi tried to focus his attention on the tone of Naoe's voice, on the sounds of Naoe's movements. _I have to know what he's doing._ He kept finding his thoughts wandering back to the thought of Yohji. _I'm not doing very well for my people, am I? Poor Yohji-kun._ Then Naoe moved again, and Omi had to fight a shiver as the blanket lifted off his body. _What's he doing now?_

"At least Fujimiya's keeping you clean. You weren't very before; Crawford didn't want to waste the manpower. I want to look at you so I can tell him you're well. As well as can be expected anyway. I'll mention it the next time he needs comfort..." Naoe's next words sounded almost gloating. "He knows it's a trap when I comfort him, but he can't fight the need."

 _Oh, Yohji-kun, I'm sorry!_

Naoe's hands smoothed the tee-shirt Omi wore. "If what he feels about you is sexual, I suppose it's understandable. You're pretty enough."

 _//Nii-san--//_ Ouka hesitated then went on, _//You know perfectly well it's not your fault.//_

 _//I know, but-- They're using me to make him cooperate! I should have taken better care of him, of all of them.//_

 _//Bullshit, nii-san.//_

Ouka's unexpected profanity left Omi wordless.

"A diaper? I suppose that makes sense. I understand you're not always still, and I can't really imagine Fujimiya dealing with a catheter anyway.

"Fujimiya..." Naoe's hand clenched in the fabric of Omi's tee shirt. "Why the hell does he care what Fujimiya thinks?"

 _He's pissed. What's Ran-kun been doing? What's Yohji-kun been saying?_

"Does he think Fujimiya's going to punish him for doing what Fujimiya told him to do? I looked at Kritiker's files on Weiss. Everything we got. It says discipline is 'handled internally.' What does Fujimiya do if you upset him?" Naoe fell silent and began smoothing Omi's shirt.

 _Of course it's handled internally. You don't think I'd hand one of my people over to Kritiker just because he made a mistake?_

 _//He doesn't think they're your people at all, nii-san.//_

 _//Well, obviously, but...//_

 _//You can't have it both ways.//_

Omi couldn't think of an answer, so he changed the subject. _//I don't think, at least, that he's going to hurt us. Well, I don't think he intends to.//_

 _//No...//_ Ouka hesitated for a moment before going on. _//I don't think he's very... stable, though. And why doesn't he use Yohji-kun's name?//_

 _//I don't know. I think it's important, but... I don't know.//_

Naoe picked up Omi's hand and turned it over. "His hands are covered with scars. What stories did he tell his lovers to explain them? Or were they all too stupid to notice and wonder?" He ran his thumb across Omi's palm. "You don't have those sorts of scars, just calluses. Do you ever need to explain them to anybody?"

Omi kept his response carefully hidden from his sister. _No. I don't. It's hard to have a sex life or even a romance with my imouto along for the ride. I even have to watch my thoughts to make sure they're suitable._

Naoe shifted in his chair and sighed. He began a gentle massage of Omi's fingers. "I should be glad about the Fujimiya thing, I know. It makes it so much easier to separate him from the rest of you. Fujimiya's about guaranteed to do something stupid, and then-- But that means I have to let Fujimiya hurt him." Naoe's fingers tightened briefly on Omi's. "I do _not_ like that. He's mine. He even knows it. He hasn't admitted it to me yet, but he will. He keeps getting closer to it."

Rage flashed through Omi's body, almost making him spasm. _I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch! Yohji's mine! He doesn't belong to you-- He's Weiss, and Weiss is_ mine _!_

Only Ouka's interference kept him motionless. He snarled at her, but she stood firm. _//No, nii-san. Not yet.//_

 _//When?//_

 _//When we can win. I don't think you can move fast enough right now even with surprise on your side, and if you fail, we'll have lost everything without helping Yohji-kun at all.//_

Omi sighed mentally and forced himself to relax. _//I think I'd better go look at the security system. It'll at least get me out of here until I've got my temper under control.//_

 _//Yes,//_ Ouka agreed. _//I think that would be best. I'll keep track of what he says, and we'll go over it later.//_

*****'

Ran barely restrained himself from slamming the door as he entered his apartment. _Damn Crawford! And damn Kritiker for selling us to him!_ He took a deep breath and glared at the wall. His hands wrapped themselves into fists. _No. I will_ not _give him the satisfaction. Absolutely not. He will_ not _win this way._ He forced his fingers to relax. _Putting my fist through the wall will just tell Crawford that he got to me. And give him something else to make me pay for._

 _Rent! Fucking rent!_ Ran snarled under his breath. _It's not like we want to be here. Hell. What's he going to do? Evict us?_ He took another deep breath. _No. He'll just take Omi away from me and make me ask Aya-chan for everything._ Refusing to let his bleak conclusions show, Ran walked toward Omi's room. _I'll just check on him..._

Omi lay peacefully. _Good. He's sleeping._ Ran's expression softened. _I'll just take care of him first. Then I'll deal with this anger. I just have to channel it properly..._ "I'm back, Omi-kun. Aya-chan's well. Crawford's... Crawford." His lips twisted. _I shouldn't worry Omi with this._ "I'm sorry I had to leave you behind. I hope you weren't lonely. I'm probably going to be in and out a bit now. Aya-chan wants me to spend more time with her." _If he were awake, he'd know I was lying. But he's not awake. He can't do anything here._ "If I'm gone for long, somebody else will be in to look after you." He brushed hair back from Omi's forehead. "I hope you'll be good for whoever it is. I suppose I shouldn't worry about that; you're always well behaved." _Well, unless you're trying to kill someone, but... Damn. I wish you were up to that._

Finally satisfied that Omi was comfortable and wouldn't need attention for a while, Ran straightened and turned away. "I'll be back later. I need to practice for a while." _And he'd know there was more to it if he were... really here. He wouldn't let me lie to him. Who'd have thought I'd miss that?_

Once the bokuto was in his hand, Ran felt more certain of himself. _I'll just run through the forms until this is out of my system._ He focused his attention on his movements. _No. Too stiff. Again. Again._

After a while, he paused to wipe sweat from his eyes. _This isn't working. Tough. There isn't anything else. Again. I'll work till I'm too tired to think. Then I'll keep going a while longer. Again._

"You're really not getting anywhere, Fujimiya." The words came in a familiar drawl.

 _An enemy!_ Ran spun, dropping into a combat ready stance.

Schuldig stood in the doorway, his shoulder leaning on the frame. "Some things just can't be sublimated like that." He straightened up and smiled. "Is violence your answer to everything? We'll have to teach you other ways of sublimating..."

 _For all the world like I'm unarmed._ Ran narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?" _Nothing good certainly._

Schuldig shrugged and used a hand to flip his hair back off his shoulder. "I just thought I'd stop by and see how your evening went. Well, that, and drop off a couple of videotapes." Schuldig looked Ran up and down.

 _How the hell does he manage that? He makes me a toy just by looking. Bastard. I won't be his toy._

"So, Fujimiya, no words of greeting? I suppose it's too much to ask of you. Words aren't really your thing, are they? You're a man of action." Schuldig smiled, and his eyes narrowed. "So if I step in there, are you going to attack me? Not that I object; I'd just rather have it clear before we start."

 _//Like you don't know!//_ Ran aimed the thought like a sword thrust.

 _//Well,_ you _don't, do you?//_ Schuldig's upper lip curled a little. "A brawl could be fun. Of course, whining afterward would be cheating." Schuldig stepped forward. "No complaints to your sister."

Ran's breath hissed between his teeth. "Leave her out of it!"

Schuldig shrugged and took another step forward. "If you will. Of course, we both know there's no way to do that, not really. She's what everything's all about for you. That worries her, you know. She thinks it's time her onii-san settled down with someone, had a life of his own. Not her life." Schuldig took another step.

Ran took a half step backward. "What the hell have you been doing in her head?" _//Liar!//_

Schuldig spread his hands in front of him. _//That's hardly kind, Fujimiya.//_ "When people think about things, particularly--" Schuldig's smile had the sharpness of a knife wound. "Particularly when they obsess, I can't keep them out." He took another step forward. "She worries about you, and she'd like to see you happy. Whatever it takes to make you happy." _//Whatever it takes. She really means that.//_

Ran couldn't produce a retort, so he lunged forward. Schuldig dodged to one side and laughed. Ran snarled and pursued.

 _//Playing tag are we now?//_ Schuldig sounded amused. _//You should have a better grip on your temper, Fujimiya.//_

 _Aya-chan never asked me not to kill him--_ Ran slashed at Schuldig who somehow managed not to be there.

 _//No, she didn't,//_ Schuldig commented. _//As long it's not her, not Crawford and not yourself, she doesn't care. Of course, I don't plan to let you kill me, but I think there are plenty of options for working out your rage. Most of them even more fun than killing me...//_

 _//Somehow, I doubt that.//_ Ran felt a surge of anticipation. His skin tingled as if Schuldig's blood had already fountained forth, splashing Ran.

 _//I'd just like to point out that you're not going to get that effect with a stick-- Not unless it's got a better edge on it than I think it does.//_ Schuldig laughed and dodged again. _//Even leaving aside the fact that you're exhausted while I'm just getting started, do you really think you could? If you do manage to kill me, you'll have to watch those tapes in order to know what's on them. You'd have to know, wouldn't you?//_

 _Tapes? Oh, he said something about tapes. Who cares?_ Ran lunged again. _Actually... What the hell is on them?_ He felt a sudden sinking in his stomach. _Oh, no..._ He stopped dead. "That American son of a bitch--"

Schuldig darted in and tapped Ran on the nose before jumping back out of reach. "Got it in one! And here I thought you'd need at least three guesses. Crawford was sure you wouldn't have forgotten."

Ran folded his arms across his chest. "I don't want them." His stomach knotted. _I might be able to get some more clues by listening to Naoe again... No. I can't. Kudoh's shame, his weakness... I don't want to see it._

Schuldig stepped close and pulled the bokuto from Ran's grasp. "Think of it as another way of sublimating, Fujimiya." He tossed the bokuto into a corner. "And you do want to see it." He leaned in to whisper in Ran's ear. "Believe me. I know. I know you watched, that every noise, every touch got you going. You want that again and again. You can't touch Kudoh right now, but you can imagine doing it, can't you?"

 _No!_ Ran's breathing became ragged. _I do not! I won't. I can't._

 _//You can. It's not even hard.//_ Schuldig's breath warmed Ran's ear. "Kudoh won't know, and you don't care what he thinks anyway. After all, who is he?"

Ran's thoughts tangled. _Kudoh's-- A teammate. A slut. A friend. Weak... Helpless._ "He wouldn't know..."

Schuldig pressed himself against Ran's back. "Not unless you tell him. Does that thought appeal to you?"

Ran's eyes widened, and he stiffened but didn't pull away. _No. I don't want to hurt him. But... I do. No. Absolutely not. We're all victims together._

"Are you, Fujimiya? Is that what you want?" Schuldig wrapped his arms around Ran's body. "If you want to be a victim, really want it, I'm sure I can oblige." He sank his teeth into Ran's ear.

Ran jumped a little, more startled than hurt, but still made no move to pull away. _Why the hell am I still here?_ His throat tightened. _It would be justice of a sort, wouldn't it? If I let him hurt me..._ An image of Kudoh, splayed against the wall, terror in his eyes, flashed through Ran's mind. Kudoh with his head to the floor in submission. Kudoh helpless on his back waiting for Naoe... He felt a warmth and a pressure in his groin. _No. It doesn't touch me. I'm not--_

"Oh, yes, you are." Schuldig fluttered fingers along Ran's collarbone. _//You're really delicious, did you know that? Quite a combination of flavors...//_ "The lust is there. That and the guilt. You want him, and you think you shouldn't. Why shouldn't you? Or do you want me to punish you for it? You can't lie to me; I know you want someone to so you can feel like a victim too."

Ran jerked against the pressure of Schuldig's arms. "Let go of me!" _I can't-- I need to-- I want to-- No!_

 _//No. I'm not letting you off that easily.//_ "Ah, Fujimiya, you don't really want me to let go."

Ran jabbed an elbow backward, aiming for Schuldig's stomach, but it was a half-hearted effort at best. "Let go of me..." _//Please.//_

 _//Is that really what you want? Do you want him or do you want me? Or do you want both of us? Will you feel better about your desires...//_ "It's all about power. You have it. He doesn't. He's weak. You're... not. Just a little demonstration, that's all." _//Would you rather be Kudoh or Nagi? Which would you enjoy?//_

 _I don't-- No. I deserve-- Stop it!_ Ran began to shake.

 _//You don't have to scream. You're loud enough under the best of circumstances.//_ Irritation tinged Schuldig's mental voice. He ran one of his hands down Ran's chest and abdomen, stopping just above Ran's waist. "It's not about what you deserve, Fujimiya. It's about what you want, about making you happy. We want to make you happy. It'll make her happy..."

Ran felt his knees give out. "You bastard..." he whispered. "What are you doing to me?"

Schuldig caught Ran's weight easily and lowered him to the floor. "We're just talking about options, nothing complicated." _//Is it so bad to want something? It's natural. Very natural. And he is beautiful.//_

An image of fingers stroking the length of Kudoh's spine as he slumped forward pushed its way into Ran's mind, followed by an image of the same fingers caressing Kudoh's chin. Kudoh's eyes were closed and his jaw slack. Ran twisted to stare accusingly at Schuldig.

"Oh, he is beautiful, isn't he? Even I can't resist, and he's not exactly my type. Too easily broken. Too weak. But... a delicate beauty that begs to be touched, to be owned. Don't you agree?" _//Yes, you see it too. Don't bother to deny it.//_

 _Yes. I see it. I-- No. It doesn't matter. I should strengthen Kudoh not take advantage of him._ Ran curled his body in on itself.

 _//But if you watch those tapes, he'll never know.//_ "Whatever you decide, I'll be here for you, to advise, to assist... Whatever you may think you need."

*****'  
 _And there it goes back to normal._ Omi's consciousness pulled back together at the thought. He'd diffused himself throughout the security system in order to get a better sense of what had changed and when it changed again. _I think he had all the monitoring off. I can do that now. It's not quite what I want, but it's a start. With a little practice, I think I'll be able to read the audio and visual. In fact..._

He let his attention submerge in the programs again. _I know what the apartment looks like, and Ouka-chan can help me tell what it sounds like at any given moment. Now..._

An indefinite time later, Omi emerged to hear Ouka calling him. _//Nii-san! Nii-san, Ran-kun's back.//_

 _//Actually, Ouka-chan, I'd noticed.//_ Omi kept his mental tone dry.

He felt Ouka's shock. _//What? Oh! You got it working! That's good.//_ She practically squealed with pleasure. Then her tone became more serious. _//That's really good. Schuldig's poking around. He's not interested in us; he's focusing on Ran-kun.//_

Omi frowned. _//That's not good. Crawford's already got him tied in knots. He's trying to practice to get his anger out, and he can't. There's no flow at all He really needs to learn some better coping techniques.//_

 _//Can you show me?//_

 _//I don't want to leave our body unmonitored...//_

 _//Like anything's going to happen now. Come on, nii-san, you're leaving me all the boring bits-- I put up with it because this is an emergency, but... Really.//_ Omi could almost see her indignant flounce.

 _//Well... I suppose it can't hurt.//_ Omi extended his senses and shared what he saw and heard with his sister. _//Oh.//_ He felt a sudden break in the power flow. _//That's the front door opening.//_ He fumbled for the appropriate camera and just managed to access it in time to see a flash of orange hair. He shifted his attention forward for a face shot. _//Not like there was any doubt. It's Schuldig.//_ He focused his attention on the German telepath. _//What the hell does he want?//_

Apparently unwilling to risk distracting Omi, Ouka remained silent. He could feel her continued presence, however, as she bristled at the sight of Schuldig. _It's good to know my back's covered..._

Schuldig watched Ran silently for a few moments while Ran remained oblivious to the fact that he was no longer alone. _Yes, Ran-kun's definitely in a bad way. And Schuldig's not about to help._ He watched, and he listened, paying careful attention to details of facial expression as Schuldig made his presence known. _Damn! He's playing with Ran-kun, and I'm only getting half of this at best. Damn, Schuldig! I didn't need any more reasons to kill him._ Omi spread himself further among the security programs, looking for better visual angles, for more ways to keep track of what was going on. _That can be used as a monitor... It's not meant to be, but it'll work. I think he's doing more than playing. Yes... Well, we knew he played those sorts of games, pulling out all the nastiness that people wouldn't normally let escape._

He didn't realize how far the bits of himself had gone in the computer network until his rage spiked as Ran collapsed in Schuldig's arms.

 _//Don't do that, nii-san!//_ Ouka's mental fingers clutched at Omi.

He snarled and tried to throw her off. _//I'll kill him! I've got to kill him!//_

 _//No. No, nii-san, you don't. Not now. Please-- We've worked so hard!//_

Omi's grip on the security system tightened as he tried both to hold everything he'd touched and to pull himself back to his center. He felt the programs begin to tear and forced himself to relax a little. _//Go back to our body, Ouka-chan.//_

She responded with inarticulate suspicion.

 _//I won't hurt him. Not this time, anyway.//_

 _//All right...//_ Ouka's presence melted away.

Omi reached out as far as his knowledge of the computer system would let him go and started breaking things. He very carefully avoided anything in the apartment until Schuldig reached the door on his way out. Once the door slammed behind Schuldig, however, Omi let loose. Circuits exploded. The lights flickered. _No. I'll need those._ Some of the lights exploded. _Oh, well. Just don't harm Ran-kun. I definitely need him._

He slowly disentangled himself from the system. The task proved harder than he'd expected as bits of his psyche caught on newly warped subroutines or encountered areas phasing in and out of existence due to power fluctuations. _I can use this. At the very least, I can talk to Ran-kun unmonitored and uninterrupted._ Once he had himself reassembled, he twisted himself across the barrier back into his body.

The first thing he felt there was Ouka's fear. _//I'm sorry, Ouka-chan. It had to go somewhere.//_

 _//Next time warn me!//_

Omi wasn't sure what to say. His tantrum had only taken the edge off his rage. _First Naoe, now this! //We have to go talk to Ran-kun-- No, Abyssinian. He won't listen if I address him as Ran, not right now.//_

 _//We're going to wake up?//_

 _//Nobody's watching right now.//_ He let her see his fierce satisfaction at the damage he'd done to the Taisken system.

 _//Can Ran-kun keep us a secret?//_ Her doubt came through clearly.

 _//No, but Abyssinian can.//_ Omi thought about explaining the distinction more thoroughly then shrugged. _She'll understand on her own, I think. If she doesn't, she's not as smart as I think she is._

Shrugging felt good. It was the first unplanned movement he'd made in weeks. He rolled his shoulders then started stretching, relishing the freedom to move.

 _//Careful, nii-san. It's been a long time.//_

 _//I know,//_ Omi responded curtly. He sighed. _//Sorry. I need my body to work now.//_

 _//Willpower alone won't do it,//_ Ouka said tartly.

 _Something for which Ran-kun should be profoundly grateful. It's all that's going to keep me from slapping some sense into him._ Omi threw back the blanket and eased himself toward the edge of the bed. _He knew. He fucking knew what was going on with Yohji-kun, and he didn't tell me._

 _//To be fair...//_ Ouka's tone told Omi that she spoke reluctantly. _//To be fair, nii-san, he thought we were in the middle of traumatic flashbacks. I don't think I'd have told us either.//_

Omi's legs proved steadier than he'd expected.

 _//Ran-kun's been steering us around a bit, trying to keep us in shape,//_ Ouka reminded Omi.

 _//Are you telling me I shouldn't smack him?//_

 _//Well... He has been doing his best for you. I just can't like the man.//_

Omi refrained from a response, burying his own reactions deep enough that Ouka shouldn't see them. _I can't regret our father's death. I can't, but Ouka-chan... She loved him. That's why she has such a hard time dealing with Ran-kun. //What should we do with the i.v.? I don't want to drag the whole thing with us.//_

 _//All we have to do is detach the tube. The shunt can stay in.//_

Omi reached out, letting his habits take over the task of disconnecting himself. He smiled. He didn't really need the advice, but the question had served its intended purpose by distracting Ouka.

Finding Ran still huddled on the floor came as no surprise. Omi looked down at him and let his anger surface again. "Abyssinian! Look at me!"

Ran raised his head, his normal stoic countenance missing for once. _Oh, yes. Schuldig got to him. The question is how badly?_ As Ran's eyes widened in startled disbelief, Omi could clearly see the red streaking them. _Has he been crying?_

"Omi?" Ran whispered. The tension in his face eased a little, and an expression that might have been hope crept in for a moment before the mask slammed into place. "Bombay," he said in a stronger voice.

 _Shit. That makes it harder. However badly he needs an asskicking, he's pathetically glad to see me. I shouldn't have left it so long. I could have found a way to let him know._ "Get up, Abyssinian. We need to talk, and I'll be better off sitting." Omi kept his face and voice hard. "I don't know how much time we have before they get the surveillance working again."

Ran jerked slightly, for all the world as if Omi had hit him. He nodded abruptly and rose. He moved stiffly, showing none of his usual grace.

 _Did Schuldig hurt him? Can he walk?_ Omi looked Ran up and down with some concern then realized that the older man was trying to conceal a hard on. _Oh. Schuldig really did get to him._ Omi used the koi to suppress his urge to blush. _My imouto should_ not _be seeing this. I didn't know he felt that way about..._ He shook his head. "My room. Now."

As he turned his back on Ran, Omi heard Ouka giggle. _//Really, nii-san! It's not like he's got anything I haven't seen before.//_ When he growled at her, she simply giggled again. _//Besides, you all feel "that way" about Yohji-kun.//_

 _//I do not!//_ Omi was suddenly very glad that Ran couldn't see his face.

This time Ouka snickered. _//A girl can tell, nii-san.//_

 _//Well, right now, the issue is Ran-kun and making him useful. We don't have time for anything else.// There. I kept my temper admirably. A man can only take so much harassment, even from his imouto._ Omi walked carefully back to his room and seated himself on the bed. _Now is not the time to show Ran-kun any sign of weakness. He'll start thinking he needs to take over to protect me, and I don't have time for a dominance struggle._

Ran pulled up the chair that Naoe had so recently occupied. He sat stiffly, waiting.

 _I wish I had some real words of wisdom to give him..._ "From now on, Abyssinian, you will not edit your reports to me except as necessary to deal with eavesdroppers. The bits and pieces you've given me to date are not acceptable." Omi watched as Ran nodded. _I suppose I should be glad it's Ran-kun. At least I don't have to listen to whatever self justifications he's told himself. Excuses are beneath his dignity. Of course, so is apology._

"You were conscious?" The slightest hint of incredulity crept into Ran's voice. A tinge of pink swept his face.

"For the most part. Even I need to sleep sometimes. You were simply too... preoccupied to notice any signs."

"Schuldig--"

Omi waved a dismissive hand. "Sees what I want him to see. You are not to let anyone know."

Ran raised an eyebrow. "Schuldig will see it. Trying to keep it from him-- Trying not to think of something only draws the mind to it."

"You'll manage." Omi gave Ran a serenely confident smile. "Now, report."

Ran frowned thoughtfully then nodded, his expression flattening. "I'm not sure what you already know."

"Assume nothing." _I probably know almost as much as you do, Ran-kun, but it's just pieces of the puzzle. I need you to give me the frame._

"Kritiker sold us to Schwarz-- Well, actually to Schwarz's new employer, a group called the Taisken. They let me talk to Siberian once, and he confirmed that it was Kritiker agents who came for us and handed us over. They gassed us; he'd stayed up with his window open, so he had time to get his mask. He put up quite a fight, but..." Ran shrugged. "I think they're treating him fairly well. At least, he's in a kind of medical place, and they set his bones and gave him plenty of stuff for the pain. We're in some sort of super secret base. I don't think we're even in Japan anymore..." He shook his head. "I think they've got other people with weird powers, not just Schwarz, and some of the people I've seen look... odd."

 _He's overwhelmed by this. No, not by the situation-- By not having anything constructive-- or destructive-- to do about it._

"These Taisken, they're some sort of technical wizards. I've only seen bits and pieces, but it's enough to know they've put a lot of money into R&D." Ran hesitated.

"Give me examples later." Omi waved a dismissive hand. _I could probably tell you more about_ that _than you can tell me._

"They have Aya-chan too." Ran looked away. "Crawford got to her somehow when I wasn't paying attention. They've been... involved... for a while, but he didn't bring her here until he brought us."

Ouka snickered softly. _//She'd have to sneak around to see anybody at all, let alone Crawford.//_

"Are they threatening her?" _One more person to look after..._

Ran's response came with reluctance. "No." He clenched his hands and reddened just a little. He still didn't look at Omi. "Crawford's keeping me--" Ran turned to glare at Omi. "Now us-- comfortable because it makes her happier. She... She keeps him happy, so we have clothes and furniture and..."

Omi remained silent, watching Ran and waiting. _Let him get that out of his system for a while. He'll be useless until he scourges himself a little with it. //What do you think, Ouka-chan, does Aya-chan need rescuing?//_

 _//It's hard to say, nii-san. Is she a lot like her brother? I don't think_ he _could fake affection. Conceal it, yes, but not fake it. But... It's a bargain women know how to make the best of. She might be doing very well out of it and still not want to be there. She might be feeling... betrayed if Crawford wasn't honest with her.//_

 _//Hm. I think you might be over generalizing, Ouka-chan.//_

 _//Well, I've never met her either, you know, so what else are you expecting me to do? Now pay attention to Ran-kun. It'd be a pity to get this far only to lose him.//_

Omi sighed. "She's family too, Ran-kun. We'll take care of her." _If we can._ "But it sounds as if they're treating her better than the rest of us."

Ran brought his fist down on his leg and then stared at it for a moment.

 _That had to hurt._

"She's pregnant."

 _You already told me that, but I suppose it matters a lot to you._

 _//That didn't happen in two weeks,//_ Ouka commented. _//Well, it could have, but she wouldn't know yet.//_

 _//I think the problem has more to do with samurai honor. At least Ran-kun's problem. He's ashamed. She's supposed to die rather than--//_

 _//That's stupid!//_

 _//Yeah, well... He knows that, too, or he wouldn't be so upset. He doesn't want her dead. And he'd have enough trouble with the idea of her having a boyfriend even if it was done "properly." And this is_ Crawford _not some college boy from a good family. And he knows they're sleeping together.// If it were my imouto, I'd be pretty damn upset!_

Omi nodded. "We'll take care of that, too." _If this were Ken-kun, I'd put my arm around him, but... Ran-kun has never welcomed that sort of thing. Also, it might weaken my position as authority figure..._

 _//Not to mention potentially leading to other things... At least judging by the state he was in a few minutes ago,//_ Ouka teased.

 _//Ouka-chan!//_ Omi suppressed any visible reaction to that and addressed Ran again. "What's the status on Schwarz?" _Not that that wouldn't distract Ran-kun from what Schuldig... I can't believe I'm even thinking that!_

"I haven't seen Farfarello at all. Apparently, he's off receiving some sort of medical treatment that Crawford thinks will help him."

"The Taisken have advanced medical technology?" _Come on Ran-kun, tell me about the koi..._

"I don't know exactly... They did put something in us, well not in Siberian, that would make us heal a lot faster. Little machines of some sort." Ran shrugged. "They'll stop working in a few months unless we get boosters, and there's supposedly some risk that having them stop might kill us. I don't know. I can't see the damn things or tell what they're doing."

 _Ah, temper... A good sign actually._ Omi raised an eyebrow. "Have you seen any evidence that these things work?"

Ran looked away again. "I haven't been hurt. Neither have you that I know of."

 _Is he embarrassed that he hasn't put up more of a fight? Or--_

 _//Don't be silly, nii-san. Notice he didn't mention Yohji-kun? I think he knows a lot more about that than we do.//_

 _//But is it time to push on that yet?//_ "Abyssinian," Omi said sternly, "that wasn't quite an answer."

Ran turned to meet Omi's eyes. He pushed his chair a little closer to the wall, a little further from where Omi sat. Ran almost seemed to crumple in on himself.

 _//He's almost breaking now...//_

 _//We won't get anything if you don't push.//_ Omi was certain from Ouka's tone that she was actually pleased at the idea of causing Ran discomfort. _//And it'll devour him if you leave it be.//_

Ran raised his chin and forced his shoulders back. "They hurt Balinese pretty badly a couple of days before they moved you in with me. He... healed faster than he should have."

"Why did they hurt him, Abyssinian, and how do you know about it?" _He'll answer the second part first. I'm sure of it._

"Early on, I made Aya-chan ask Crawford to let me see all of you regularly. The son of a bitch said that visiting would represent a security problem, so he gave me monitors. I could watch all of you, all of the time, as long as I never turned anything off. He likes putting traps into things... This place--" Ran gestured around the room. "There are two traps here. I had to give up the monitors because, according to Crawford, they might upset you." His lips twisted briefly. "And now he wants me to start doing jobs for him 'to pay rent!'"

"Good." Omi felt a surge of satisfaction.

For a moment, Ran looked stunned.

 _I really have to explain this?_ "He'll have to give you a weapon for that, let you out of here for a while," Omi explained patiently. "At least-- I assume that by 'jobs' he means killing. Eventually, someone will drop their guard."

"I... promised Aya-chan I wouldn't kill him."

 _//Oh, nii-san, I think she's a lot more of a volunteer than Ran-kun wants to think.//_

Omi nodded. "I'm not surprised," he told both of them, glad that the response could do double service. "As it happens, I don't want you even to try to kill Crawford-- or any other member of Schwarz, for that matter. I don't see any way that he wouldn't See that coming. It would only be a stupid way of getting ourselves killed." Omi grinned. "I'm holding out for a much smarter method... I'm sure, between us, we can come up with one." He sighed. "Don't think of it as killing for Crawford-- It's for Weiss."

Ran actually smiled. It was just the faintest shadow of an expression, but it was more than Omi'd expected. _Good. He's not beyond reach. Not that I thought he was._

"Now, Ran-kun, tell me about Yohji-kun." Omi kept his voice gentle but firm. "I can guess some of it-- Naoe stopped by while you were out."

Ran went rigid. His eyes widened slightly then narrowed as he looked Omi up and down.

"He didn't hurt me. Just looked at me and... talked. He said that he'd made a promise about me, that I was what 'he' was paying for. Naoe sounded... obsessive, possessive..." Omi kept his eyes on Ran. _I swear, if he were a little less obsessed with his façade, Ran-kun'd be curled in a ball by now. How much of that is Schuldig and how much... whatever else? Schuldig wanted Ran-kun to do something, and it sounded like it involved Yohji-kun. I need more information._

When Ran finally spoke, the muscles in his face tightened as if the words tasted bad, and the rhythm of his words seemed to indicate that the words had sharp edges, were cutting him on their way out. "Crawford... gave... Kudoh to Naoe as a... toy. They made it clear to Kudoh that... They said if he fought or even said no, it'd be you instead. Hidaka's still too badly hurt, and I... Aya-chan wouldn't like it."

Ran stood and began to pace. As he moved, he clenched and unclenched his hands. "He got them to give him a few things, a futon and blanket, a cup, that sort of thing, but..." Ran turned to look at Omi.

Omi pulled his legs up onto the bed and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I see." _And I do. It's definitely one of the frames I was missing._ "How long has it been?"

"Since about three days before they moved us in here. I-- There were two... encounters." Ran folded his arms across his chest then moved his left hand up to his right shoulder. He shivered slightly as if with cold, and his fingers tightened briefly then released several times.

 _I have to make him be more specific. I need to know for Yohji-kun's sake, and Ran-kun needs to face it so he can understand what Schuldig's doing to him._ "'Encounters,' Abyssinian? What kind of encounters?" When Ran turned away again, Omi went on, "If we're to complete our mission, we need complete intelligence."

"Mission?" Ran spun to look at Omi and almost snarled.

Omi lowered his legs, folded his hands and regarded Ran calmly. "Mission. Do you remember, Abyssinian, what I said Weiss should do if captured?" _I hope he does. Of course he does. He never forgets something like that. I just have to remind him._

Ran's response was so quiet that Omi had to strain to hear. "First... Don't die." Ran's voice shook just a little, and he turned away.. "Second... Help your teammates. Third... Escape. Fourth... Rescue your teammates."

Omi rose to his feet. "That's the mission. We've all managed priority one, at least so far. Yohji-kun's doing his part toward priority two, protecting me. Our job is to protect him." Omi crossed the room to stand close to Ran. "But I need to know-- Protect him from what?" Omi let the last word snap out and wasn't surprised when Ran flinched as if struck. "Well?"

"I-- He-- They--"

"Fewer pronouns, Ran-kun." Omi reached out a hand and grasped Ran's arm.

"Naoe..." Ran looked at Omi.

 _He's trembling! Well, big surprise. He's been carrying all of this alone._ "Come on. Let's sit down again." Omi tugged on Ran's arm, urging him back toward the bed. _And he's letting me lead him. I bet he was near breaking before Schuldig shoved his oar in. I absolutely am going to kill that German bastard. Slowly. He'll be happy to go to hell after I'm done with him._

"Naoe..." Ran began again. "He... hurt Kudoh. Fairly badly, I think. No, I know." Ran stumbled as they walked slowly back across the room. Omi put an arm around the other man, offering symbolic support.

"You saw it?"

"No." Ran pulled away from Omi. "I-- I didn't watch. Kudoh... didn't need more... witnesses. I couldn't... watch." Ran wrapped his arms around himself once again, this time not even bothering to disguise the movement.

 _If I don't get him sitting down, he's going to fall down. I am not up to lifting him right now. Damn._ Omi stepped in close again and touched Ran's cheek. "None of us can manage everything. I'm sure we'll find out what happened some other way."

Ran flinched from Omi's fingers then sighed and leaned in. "I know what happened. Schuldig watched." Ran scowled. "He wouldn't shut up."

 _Oh. Ran doesn't feel bad that he didn't watch. He feels bad that he didn't make Schuldig not watch or at least keep his mouth shut._ Omi slipped his arm around Ran again and exerted just the slightest pressure to push him forward. "I don't think you watching or not watching made much difference."

Ran's response came in a whisper just as they reached the bed. "He was so ashamed. All I could do was tell him I wouldn't watch and then... Not watch."

"Tell him? Here sit down." Omi suppressed an urge to smack Ran. _Yohji-kun knows how to put shame aside; he'll be fine. Ran-kun's still not telling me everything, damn him. No. Mustn't yell. Mustn't hit him. Can't afford the time to put him back together. Not right now._ "Now, start from the beginning. Start from when Crawford gave Yohji-kun to Naoe."

 _//Yohji-kun knows how to put shame aside, nii-san. That doesn't mean he doesn't feel it.//_ Ouka commented softly. _//And he knows Ran-kun. He'll expect to be despised. I think Ran-kun may have been the only witness who mattered.//_

 _//Do you think Ran-kun despises Yohji-kun? That could be a problem.//_

Ouka hesitated. _//I think that's what Schuldig was digging for... and I don't think he can create something out of nothing that way, so-- Yes, but Ran-kun feels guilty for it. Without Schuldig, he'd probably pretend it wasn't there.//_

Ran curled up miserably on the bed, and Omi, before sitting down himself, arranged the blankets around Ran.

"I knew there was something going on when Schuldig showed up in my room. He was like usual... You know."

"Yes. Yes, I do." _What would be going too far here?_ Omi put his arms around Ran and was surprised to feel the embrace not simply accepted but welcomed.

"He told me to watch Kudoh's monitor, that there'd be a show. He was just sitting there then, pretending to smoke, just being... Kudoh. Then Crawford and Naoe..." Ran gestured vaguely with one hand.

Careful not to let it show, Omi ground his teeth. _Just tell me! You'll feel better once you do._

 _//I don't think he wants to feel better, nii-san. He thinks he deserves it.//_ Ouka sniffed thoughtfully. _//If it weren't so inconvenient, I might agree.//_

"They said he could help Naoe... learn... better than the rest of us. That's why he... got a choice," Ran spoke the last word as if it were bitter, "and you wouldn't."

"Help Naoe learn what?" _Gently now. Steady pressure. No sudden shocks._

Ran shuddered and tried to pull away from Omi. Omi held tight. Ran continued to shake for a moment before whispering, "Sex."

Omi squashed a surge of pleasure at having guessed right. _Yohji-kun being raped is nothing to be glad about. I'd rather have been wrong._

 _//I would too. Yohji-kun has a kind heart.//_ Ouka hesitated then went on, _//But nii-san, he's the one of you best able to survive that. With luck...//_

 _We can't count on luck._ "What happened next, Ran-kun?" Omi stroked Ran's hair, ignoring the heavy scent of the other man's sweat. _It's okay. You can relax. I'll take care of you now. I won't let Schuldig hurt another member of my family._ Omi felt a surge of emotion from Ouka but didn't have time to ask her about it. _//We'll talk more later, Ouka-chan. Ran-kun needs us right now.//_

Ran took a deep breath and seemed to steady a little. "Crawford showed Kudoh footage from all of our surveillance cameras. Kudoh and I were able to communicate a little. I could hear him, but he could only see me. We used hand signals."

"Clever." Omi let approval sneak into his voice. "But then you're both good at improvising."

"Schuldig noticed and told Crawford." Ran's body tightened. "Crawford thought it was funny. Bastard."

 _Right. We don't want to talk about Crawford. The rant's easier to come by than the facts._ "Good. As long as we amuse him, he won't notice we're a threat."

Ran relaxed a little. "Then I let Kudoh know that I wouldn't watch. And I didn't. I think he was glad."

"And what did they do to him?" Ran twitched, pulling his limbs in closer, and a tiny almost sob forced its way from his throat. "Shh. It's okay, Ran-kun. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything to him."

Ran reddened a little but didn't say anything for a moment. "Crawford bound his arms and then left. Naoe... stayed. They talked, and Naoe fed him a little. Then... Kudoh pissed Naoe off, and... Naoe beat him." Ran shifted slightly as if his position had become uncomfortable. "It went on forever, but Kudoh didn't make any noise. I... I don't think he could. Then Naoe..." Ran fidgeted again. "Then he..."

 _Ah._ "I know, Ran-kun. Was it..." _Brutal? Cruel? Frightening? Did it take long? God, I don't want to know. But I have to know. Is Naoe right in thinking that Yohji-kun's breaking? Will he even be able to cooperate if we show up to rescue him? How clever is Naoe about this?_

"Quick. It was quick. I turned back... after. Naoe put him on the futon they'd given him. He didn't look too bad then, but... After Naoe left, he threw up." Ran tried to curl himself tighter, and Omi pulled him in a little closer. "Schuldig thought it was funny as hell."

 _He doesn't want to give details. That's okay. I don't want to hear details._

 _//We need some, nii-san. Well, at least two details... I know you don't want to ask, but... Did Naoe use lubrication and did he use a condom?//_

 _//Ouka-chan! You're not supposed to know about things like that!//_ Omi felt himself start to blush and ordered the koi to suppress it. _Ran-kun would_ not _understand, and under the circumstances..._

Ouka made a rude noise. _//Grow up! Kaa-san made sure I knew that sort of thing, probably well before you learned it. Papa may have acknowledged me, more or less, but I was only as respectable as he bothered to make people think I was. The bastard daughter of a woman who ran a restaurant.//_ She fell silent for a moment. _//Anyway, we need to know. It says something about Naoe's intentions, either way.//_

 _//Damn.//_ Omi sighed audibly. _//You're right.//_ "Ran-kun," he began, squeezing Ran's shoulder gently as he spoke. "You may not know, but... Did Naoe-- Did he use... protection? Did he do anything to make things... easier for Yohji-kun?"

Ran twisted in Omi's arms, turning away. "He said that even Kritiker didn't know where Kudoh'd been."

 _And you agree, don't you, Ran-kun? At least, judging by your tone, you do._

 _//I think half of him believes Yohji-kun deserved it.//_ Ouka's words burned like acid. _//At least half. Maybe Schuldig didn't have to work very hard after all..//_

Omi closed his eyes, acknowledging the truth of his imouto's words. _//And he feels terrible about it, too. Show him a little compassion.//_ Omi forced some humor into his voice. "Assuming Yohji-kun was doing his job correctly, that's entirely true." He felt Ran twitch and heard him snort softly. _Good._

Eventually, Ran went on softly, "I don't know for sure about... lubrication, but... I think the damage would have been worse without, and he did use it the second time. Also, he... took time to... prepare him both times."

 _//How does he know about the amount of damage?//_ Ouka asked.

"How do you know how much damage there was?"

Ran pulled away abruptly, and Omi let him go. Ran moved to face Omi. "Crawford offered me another devil's deal. He said I could go in to treat Kudoh's injuries, clean up the vomit, that sort of thing. I... couldn't say no. I knew it was a trap; it had to be."

 _//Ouka-chan, you're better at this than I am-- Should I reach out now or should I leave him space?//_ Omi met Ran's eyes, carefully keeping all hint of judgment hidden.

 _//Not yet. Wait till he gets out whatever he thinks is really going to piss you off. There's something, or he wouldn't have pulled away.//_

"I hoped we'd have a chance to talk, to try to figure out what to do next, but... They had him drugged. He didn't even know I was there. I washed him and bandaged him. Crawford must have laughed at that!" Ran growled, and his face hardened. "I didn't know about the nanites then. The bruises were... I've never seen him hurt that badly before. His shoulders... I didn't expect him to be able to use his arms for... well, for a long time." Ran's hands clenched.

"Careful you don't draw blood," Omi said mildly. _But he's going to anyway, I expect._

"I looked... there. Kudoh'd bled some. Naoe'd... Before he..." Ran set his lips in a thin line then nodded abruptly. "Before raping Kudoh, Naoe'd threatened to tear him apart using telekinesis. Kudoh'd pissed him off again. It sounded like... like it hurt badly. I think the blood was from that mostly."

 _I am going to kill Naoe. Slowly. Very, very slowly._

Ran's hands clenched tighter, and he drove a fist into the mattress. "I couldn't do it. I should have, but I couldn't." He looked down at his fist for a moment before looking back up at Omi. "That American son of a bitch knew exactly what he was doing!"

 _I knew we'd get back to Crawford eventually..._ Omi simply nodded. _Come on, Ran-kun, tell me. You want to, and we'll never get anywhere if you don't._

Ran's voice lowered into a hoarse whisper, and it was obvious to Omi that Ran no longer saw the room around them. _He's back in Yohji-kun's cell._

"Crawford told me to shave Kudoh, made some remark about not wanting Naoe putting a razor to Kudoh's throat. He also said that it was up to me to decide when Kudoh was "used up," when Naoe should move on to you." Ran hunched his shoulders for a second then relaxed them. He raised a fist and took aim at the wall.

Omi put a hand over Ran's fist. "No. That might leave a mark. You'd have to explain it."

Ran blinked then stared at Omi for a minute before lowering his arm. "It was a good razor. A sharp blade. Easy to use. I calculated it. We'd have had at least five minutes if I'd used it. Five minutes before they could even try to bring him back. He'd have been free of it all. But... I couldn't. I'm sorry. I couldn't."

For just a moment, all Omi could do was stare at Ran. _He really thinks that'd have been a good idea--_

 _//Don't be so surprised, nii-san,//_ Ouka commented dryly. _//You already explained to me how he feels about rape victims. By everything he believes, Yohji-kun should_ want _to die and be better off that way.//_

 _//Yes, but...//_ Omi shook his head. "Ran-kun no baka," he said softly.

Ran showed no signs of having heard. He started rocking back and forth. "Kudoh's a slut. It's better that it's him. He didn't even try to fight. It's not like he hasn't done this before. He's a slut. Just--" The words came rhythmically, in time with Ran's movement.

Without even thinking about it, Omi swung hard, cracking the back of his hand across Ran's cheek. "Shut. Up. Just shut the hell up!"

Ran froze, his eyes locked on Omi's. "I'm sorry. I couldn't. I just..."

 _He still thinks it's about not killing Yohji-kun._ "Moron." Omi spoke without rancor but let his anger show on his face. "Yohji-kun-- Balinese-- is doing his job. It's a job only he can do; any of the rest of us... You do _not_ have the right to make moral judgments about Yohji-kun, and you especially do not have the right to decide that he should die." More cold rage, condemnation aimed at Ran, slipped in with each word. "Every time you call Yohji-kun a name-- every time you even think it-- Crawford wins. He gets exactly what he wants."

 _//Calm down, nii-san. If you lose your temper now, you'll lose him.//_

Ran opened his mouth then closed it again. He put a hand to his cheek. "Omi--"

 _He sounds hurt and betrayed. What right does_ he _have to feel betrayed?_ Omi took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling slowly. _Am I asking more of him than he can give? No. If it is then I lose Yohji-kun, and that's unacceptable._ He narrowed his eyes. "What's happened is not your fault, but your reaction is your fault. I will not have you hurt Yohji-kun any further, not even by disapproving of his actions. Do you understand?"

Ran seemed torn between nodding and shaking his head.

Ouka laughed softly. _//He's confused. You're going to have to explain in very small words.//_

"Which is it, Ran-kun?" Omi sighed and forced himself to relax a little. _I'm not up to hitting him again. I doubt the first time even hurt him, just startled him._ "Okay, Ran-kun. Step by step. Crawford made sure you'd be watching when he talked to Yohji-kun and wouldn't miss any of it, so that you, either explicitly or tacitly, endorsed Yohji-kun's decision to protect me." _And judging by how guilty you look, it was explicitly._ "Then he had Schuldig make sure you didn't miss any details, made you a part of the violation. Yohji-kun _knew_ you were there. Then he made you decide twice, once by asking and once with the razor, that Yohji-kun should continue to be Naoe's victim, him instead of me. That made everything that happened to him your responsibility because you could have prevented it. Having you wash Yohji-kun, touch him, that gave you a physical connection to the whole thing."

Ran nodded several times as Omi spoke. Ran's shoulders slumped, and he bent forward, supporting his weight on both hands. "I should have found another way. I should have. I..."

Omi watched silently for a moment before going on. "Naoe said today that he should be glad that Yohji-kun cares what you think." _Though I can't imagine why Yohji-kun cares. He knows what you're like._ "Naoe thought they could use that to finally cut Yohji-kun off from the rest of Weiss. They think you're our leader, by the way; don't disabuse them of the notion. I suppose they assume Ken-kun and I will follow your lead." _You get it now, don't you? I bet you even understand that Schuldig wasn't just torturing you. That most definitely wasn't all he was doing._

Ran straightened up and frowned. _Yes, that's right, Ran-kun. Think it through. You can get it from here. I know you have a brain. Use it._ Omi sighed again.

 _//He won't get it, nii-san. You'll have to spell it out.//_

 _//He'll figure things out. He's not stupid. Obsessive, overly focused, yes. Stupid, no. Don't underestimate him just because you don't like him//_

Ouka snorted but refrained from further comment.

 _//Just watch the thoughts chasing across his face.//_ Omi prodded her a little to make sure she continued to pay attention.

 _//He usually doesn't have that much... expression.//_

 _//He's very near to breaking, Ouka-chan. The certainties of his life... Well, let's just say that this situation overturns all of them. All he's had left is his self-control, and Schuldig and I, between us, have broken that.//_

 _//Schuldig would have done it even without you. And he wouldn't have Ran-kun's best interests at heart.//_

 _//And we do?//_ Omi had to voice his doubt.

 _//Oh, stop that! Pay attention, nii-san. You'll do what you have to to get as many of them as you can out of here. Whatever it takes.//_

 _//Even if it means you have to be nice to Ran-kun?//_ He hadn't meant to express that doubt.

 _//Well... I'd already made that decision you know. We need him. Besides, he may be an ass, but he_ is _good looking...//_ She giggled at Omi's stunned silence then became more serious. _//I think it would work, nii-san. It might be the only thing that'll protect him against Schuldig.//_

 _//I--// I can't believe you're doing this to me. //Sex, Ouka-chan? I don't know if that's a good idea.// And I don't think I can do it with you here. It might work, but..._ Omi couldn't quite block a shudder.

 _//What, are you planning to live celibate forever? This is something we're going to have to deal with, nii-san. If not with Ran-kun then with someone else. I'm not about to let you cut out part of your life like that. I think I've been very patient about it, but I_ do _notice when you get... frustrated. And I_ am _here when you wake up aroused after one of_ those _dreams.//_

Ouka's tirade startled Omi into a temporary silence.

Ran finally looked up. "They want me to rape Kudoh." He made a flat statement of fact, and his face showed no doubt as to his conclusion. "They want me to pull the last supports out from under him." He frowned in the way that Omi recognized as a veiled snarl.

"Yes." Omi nodded and traced a gentle line along Ran's cheek. "That's what they want, Crawford, Schuldig, Naoe. They're not taking you very seriously, I think. They believe they can make you jump any way they want to, but I know better. _You_ know better."

"I'll die first!"

Omi sighed internally. _Right. I should have known._ "I don't think it needs to come to that, Ran-kun." He let a little humor leak into his voice. "I'm sure there are less drastic solutions to the problem."

 _//But none so appealingly melodramatic.//_

 _//Hush!//_ "After all," Omi went on. "We have some advantages that they don't know about. They think, for example, that I'm catatonic. I don't plan to enlighten them."

Ran looked sharply at Omi. "Just how are you managing that anyway? Schuldig's certain, and Crawford seems convinced, too."

Omi hesitated, groping for the right words. "I've learned some things over the last few years. I wasn't sure they'd work, so I never said anything. With Schuldig, it's a matter of mental discipline and knowing what he's expecting to see, what he _wants_ to see." _Will that be enough?_ He met Ran's eyes and saw more questions there. _No. I guess not._ "With Crawford... I'm not exactly sure. I have the impression that I'm sort of a blank spot for him. He's assuming I'm not important because he's not Seeing anything about me, but..." Omi shrugged. _I know why Crawford's not seeing me, but I'm not going to tell him about Ouka-chan. Not now._

"There's more, isn't there?" Ran sounded almost eager.

"Um... I've noticed a certain affinity for computer systems... beyond what I'd thought I had. I can get into their systems now, Ran-kun." Omi let a little excitement, awe, leak into his voice. "I don't know what I'm playing with there, yet, but I think... I think that given enough time I'll be able to get most of their systems working for me. I just cracked the surveillance system on our apartment today. Fairly soon, I'll have them seeing and hearing exactly what I want from here."

Ran's eyes widened.

 _Yes. Pay attention to that. It's more important than my being able to hide from Schuldig or Crawford not seeing me. You can quantify it, plan around it._

 _//Just kiss him, nii-san! That'll keep him distracted.//_

 _//I told you to hush!//_

 _//It's not like you don't want to--//_

 _//It's a bad idea.//_

 _//He's not pulling away when you touch him. In fact, he seems to find it comforting. He'd let you, and he'd like it.//_

 _//Somehow,//_ Omi responded dryly. _//I don't think Ran-kun would let me... dominate the interaction, and anything else... I need him to follow my orders right now. He's never been easy to control under the best of circumstances, and these definitely aren't.//_

 _//I told you there were drawbacks to controlling them by making them protective.//_ Ouka sounded amused.

 _//Yes, but we decided it'd be easier to fool Kritiker that way. You agreed to that!//_

"Omi-- Are you all right?" Ran's concern broke Omi's focus on his argument with Ouka.

"I'm just a little tired, Ran-kun." Omi forced a smile. "This charade hasn't been easy physically or psychologically. Once I get the surveillance system fully under control, I want to wash thoroughly and then walk around for a while. My personal ambitions are small right now."

"I'm sorry, Omi. Now that I know..."

"You'll act exactly as you have done." Omi put iron into his voice. "We can't let anyone guess. No one. Not even Aya-chan."

Ran looked pained, but he nodded.

Omi hooked fingers under Ran's chin and tugged till their eyes met. "Don't make things harder for her. There's no need to do that now."

Ran froze for a second then very deliberately leaned into the contact. "Just let me know when it's safe for us to talk. I'll assume we're deep cover otherwise."

 _//I think, nii-san, that Ran-kun agrees with me about the possibility of being distracted...//_

 _//Shut up, Ouka-chan. Just shut up.//_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Yohji didn't wake when Nagi left or when gas wafted into the cell to enforce his unconsciousness, but he almost roused later, twice, once when the lights started to flicker and alarms sounded and once when a hesitant tech entered the room to check that the prisoner was still asleep. Both times, Yohji had enough awareness to fight to escape his dreams but only succeeded in conjuring nightmares.

He stood at Ken's shoulder as the younger man waited at the top of the darkened stairs. "Don't," Yohji begged. "It won't change anything. Run!" Ken ignored him and clenched his fists to extend his claws. "Ken--" Ken leapt down the stairs, and Yohji tried to follow, but he found that he couldn't move. His own wire imprisoned him, cutting into his suddenly naked flesh. He struggled wildly until his body started to disintegrate. He tried to scream, "Run, Ken!" but he didn't quite seem to be there any more.

Then Ran was there, standing over Yohji in a generically familiar corporate corridor. Ran frowned. "You can't complete the mission like that," he said and began taping the pieces of Yohji's body back together before pulling out a needle. Ran reached up and plucked a hair from his head. "This will make you more efficient." Ran threaded the needle and began to sew. "We'll eliminate your weakness."

The needle hurt as it pierced Yohji's flesh, and he tried to open his mouth to speak, to say, "But I don't want to be you--" but the pieces of his body weren't connected enough. He couldn't even close his eyes to stop watching. Then Ran became Nagi became Ran became... Yohji felt dizzy trying to follow the transformations.

"There will be a price for this," Nagi said, his hands caressing Yohji's reconstructed legs. Nagi smiled gently. "After a little while, you won't even miss it."

Ensnared in his dreams, Yohji didn't even stir when the real Nagi returned to the cell. The telekinetic frowned at finding Yohji sprawled on the floor beside the futon, still tangled in his blankets. Nagi shook his head and moved the older man back to the mattress, laid him out neatly and spread the blankets over him. Nagi lingered just for a moment to brush Yohji's sweat slick hair back from his forehead before returning to the cushion by the door.

When Yohji woke some time later, he had an instant sense of where he was. _Waking's supposed to be a relief..._ He kept his body still and relaxed, his breathing even. In the stillness, he heard the quiet rustle of a page turning. _He's here. Well, he said he would be. I don't think he's noticed I'm awake; I've got a little time to think then. Just not about my dreams. Reality's bad enough._

 _There's damn all I can do to help any of the others now. I can't even really help myself. No. I can't think like that. Mustn't. What have I got? Nagi's attitude has shifted; I don't know if he even knows it. Maybe. Doesn't matter, I guess. When this started, it was just something Crawford wanted him to do, and he didn't give a damn about it. Now... He wants me, to own me. And I don't think it's practical... He hasn't thought it out. He just_ wants. _Very primal. I can use that._

 _Or can I? He doesn't like Balinese, and without that... I'm naked. Will I survive letting him touch Yohji? Could I prevent it? Delay, yes, I think. Not prevent. He controls everything here but my mind, and I don't know how long I can keep that. I might be able to get him to kill me, but... "First: Don't die." And I don't really want to, not while there's a chance of... something. If I choose, if I control my... fall... I can probably put myself back together later. If I fight to the end, there won't be much left._

Yohji spent a few moments focused on keeping his breathing even. His body wanted to shiver, and he couldn't allow that. _But if I surrender... I won't be able to do my part when the other guys are ready to escape._ He clenched his jaw then forced the muscles to relax. _I hope nobody saw that. Okay, Kudoh, look at what you just said. When not if. I think it's really if... Even if it's when... Well, Ken's weeks away from being able to try. Omi's mentally out of it and in a cell like this one. Neither of them's going to help much any time soon. And by the time they can... No. I'll be too much a liability then, whether I fight or surrender. I can't let them take me with them even if by some miracle they still want me. Ran... I know Ran. Aya-chan comes first. He won't even think about leaving unless he can get her out, and he won't endanger her to come after me. For Omi maybe. Maybe. But not for me._ He swallowed hard. _The truth is bitter, but that doesn't make it less true._

Despair washed through him, making him want to curl in tightly on himself. With effort, he held his position, continued feigning sleep. _If I leave the others out of the equation for the moment... I guess it comes down to one question-- Is there a way for me to own Naoe Nagi as much as he will me? It would be easier to answer that one if I was sure who he is. I think... I think I could make kindness his habit. He likes the power, though. That could go really bad._ Yohji was unable to avoid a shudder as his body raced ahead of his articulated thoughts. He mentally dug in his heels. _No. Not going there. Borrowing trouble._

"Yohji-kun?" Nagi's voice was loud enough to carry but soft enough that it probably wouldn't have woken Yohji if he'd truly still been asleep.

 _He noticed. Make a show of waking up._ "Hmm?" Yohji rolled to face the rest of the cell. He yawned, crunched his eyelids closed then widened his eyes while blinking rapidly. He yawned again. "Good morning, Nagi-san. I hope I haven't kept you waiting." _Is it morning? Damn it! Any time I wake up is morning! It doesn't actually matter, after all._

Nagi's lips quirked in a half smile that told Yohji that the telekinetic was perfectly well aware that Yohji didn't care who'd been kept waiting. "I hope you slept well."

Yohji pushed himself up on one elbow and shrugged the other shoulder. "Well enough." _I'm not confessing to nightmares. Let's at least pretend I've got somewhere to retreat._ "I miss anything?"

"We had a brass band through earlier... But no, not much."

At Nagi's dry retort, Yohji felt a knot of tension of which he'd not previously been aware ease. _He's not in a bad mood. Thank god._ He grinned. "They play anything good?" He sat up, pulling his blankets-- _He left me the other one--_ around his body.

"Not really, no." Nagi carefully set his book on the floor. "How do you feel, Yohji-kun?"

"Um..." _Like crap, but I'm not going to say that. Why not? It'd bring out the kindness... No. I need to look like I'm not asking for it; I don't think it's my weaknesses that interest him._ Yohji reached up to run fingers through his hair and winced as he hit tangle after tangle. "I need to shower."

Nagi nodded. "Do you think you're up to eating something first?"

 _No._ "Maybe... Just not--" Yohji groaned as Nagi reached back and pulled out a familiar looking cylinder. Yohji let his shoulders slump. "I don't think so. Please..."

"Try it, Yohji-kun." Nagi's tone held no flexibility. "The doctors say it may go down easier if you alternate with something solid, so I brought you some rice. It should even still be warm."

 _He knew when I was going to wake up._ Yohji shivered. _Of course, he did. I bet he drugged me again._ With reluctance, he raised his hands to receive the protein drink. "What's the flavor this time?"

"Chocolate." Nagi shrugged. "You didn't seem to care much for the peach, so..." Once Yohji'd caught the cylinder, Nagi floated a covered tray toward the mattress. "Is there some other flavor you'd prefer?"

Yohji wrinkled his nose. _So I'm not going to see the end of this stuff any time soon..._ "I don't know. Any you'd recommend?"

"Well, I like chocolate generally. I've never actually tried that stuff."

Yohji unscrewed the cap. _My hands are shaking. I wonder if I can even walk?_ He sniffed dubiously at the contents which this time were just the brown side of gray. _It doesn't smell too bad. Not that it smelled bad last time._ He took a sip then looked at Nagi. "But it wasn't so much flavor as... texture." _I've damn near wrecked myself. I think I'm better than last time I woke up; I'm just feeling worse because... because he's not medicating me this time. How could I be that stupid?_ He took another swallow and made a face. Then he reached for the tray. _No. The question's what's stupid. Wearing myself out was the closest I could come to getting out of here for a little while. There's no way out... Nobody deals well with this sort of crap. Gotta cut myself some slack._ "Rice balls?"

Nagi smiled at his surprise. "I thought it would be easier if the rice was already divided. Besides--" His expression took on a glimmer of near malice that nearly made Yohji cringe until he realized it wasn't directed at him. "The cooks here need the reminder that their ways aren't the only ways."

 _Are we not in Japan any more?_ Yohji ate some rice then took another larger swallow of the drink. _It's not so bad this time. Did the drugs make it worse? Or was I just too worn out? Or... Never mind. Just keep going. You need the fuel._ Yohji worked his way quickly through both rice and beverage. He fought the temptation to linger, to delay. _He's still going to be there, waiting, no matter how long I take._ That realization made him want to curl up and turn his back on the world again. _And what happens to me if something happens to him? Will I just be left alone here or will somebody else-- Stop it! Just... Stop. You're not helping yourself._

When he finally finished, Yohji looked at Nagi. Nagi'd picked up his book again and seemed to be reading slowly. "Nagi-san--" Yohji shook his head, not really sure what he wanted to say.

Nagi put down his book, carefully marking his place. "Yes, Yohji-kun? Have you finished?"

Yohji nodded. "I'd like to shower now." _I... I fucking hate this. A man shouldn't have to feel like he's begging when he wants to wash._

Nagi picked up his book but didn't open it. "Go ahead then. You know where everything is."

Yohji shut his eyes briefly. _Of course. He's not going anywhere. I suppose he thinks I'll smell better afterward. Is he going to do me then?_ He fought a shudder. _I should be glad he's watching. I want him to look at me, to admire me. I need that. I just..._ He opened his eyes. His fingers curled around the fabric of his blankets. _It's not like he hasn't seen me naked before. Not like everybody out there hasn't..._ He shuddered. _Balinese could do this. He'd even enjoy it. I..._

Nagi opened his book. He met Yohji's eyes. "Do you read much, Yohji-kun?"

 _What?_ Yohji shook his head. "Not really, Nagi-san." _I shouldn't feel ashamed of that. Lots of people don't. Does he want me to read?_ He shrugged and forced a small smile. "It reminds me too much of school. At least, the books people tell me I ought to like do." _No. No, I think he's just distracting me. He's good at these mind games too. I've got to remember that._ His smile became slightly more genuine. _Encourage him; he's being kind._ "What are you reading?"

Nagi's expression became warmer in response. "Kon Tiki. It's the story of some men who built a balsa wood raft then used it to cross the Pacific."

Yohji shook his head. "Why the hell would someone do something like that?"

"I believe they were trying to prove a theory." Nagi seemed to consider. "I don't think it's a trip I'd want to take, but it's fun to read about." He hesitated then went on, "If you'd like to borrow it, Yohji-kun, I don't mind. I've read it before, so you wouldn't have to wait. It'd be something to do."

"Please!" Yohji couldn't quite conceal his eagerness. _Not that I want to. Really. The book sounds stupid, but it'll be something to think about that isn't... I'm going crazy alone with my thoughts, my fears. I knew he was smart. It's a damn good trap, and I'm going to walk into it with my eyes open._

Nagi nodded firmly. "You'd better take your shower then." He turned his eyes to the page in front of him.

Yohji pushed the blankets away and started to get up. His legs proved less steady than he'd expected, and he almost fell. _Damn! Carefully now. You need to be able to stand on your own._ He reached his feet and managed a wobbling step. _I thought I was feeling better. It must just be that the drugs are gone-- My brain's clearer, but my body's not quite... I wonder what I look like. This won't work if I look repulsive._

 _I don't really want this to work..._

He reached the corner by the sink and spent a while brushing his teeth and attempting to work the tangles out of his hair. _Is he watching? No, don't let him see you look. Yes, he's watching, and he doesn't want me to know. Good. What the hell did he do to my hair?_ Yohji worked at pretending that Nagi wasn't there. _I'm not showing off for him; I'm pretending that I don't have an audience. Balinese would show off. Kudoh Yohji... Fuck it. It doesn't matter what I want. I desperately need to show Nagi what Kudoh Yohji can be. Best advantage._

 _God. I sound like such a girl. "Am I showing him my good side?"_

Finally, he ran out of excuses to delay and reached to turn on the shower. He took his time washing. _So who is Naoe Nagi? I need to know that. There's something of Crawford, something of Schuldig, but... I think the sense of humor's his. I hope so. I like it. He reads adventure novels. No, from the way he talked about it, I think it's nonfiction. Does he really want to be either Crawford or Schuldig? When Crawford was here, Nagi didn't seem to like him that much, but that could have been a put up. They were so playing with me._

 _He hasn't turned a page in the last five minutes. Good. I'm getting to him. I'm getting to me, too. Or maybe he is. Balinese likes an audience; I never thought I would. It's just... hot... knowing I'm getting to him._

 _There's a lot he doesn't know. I think wanting me surprises him. How old is he really? Schuldig said even Nagi doesn't know. He's attractive. I wonder what it'd be like to touch him... No. Don't go there. If you make a mistake that way, he'll kill you. I'm just surprised I'm noticing. I shouldn't be. Fuck it. It's better than flinching at the sight of him, and that's what I_ should _be doing._

Yohji took his time washing his hair, letting himself enjoy the process. _Hair between my fingers. Slippery, smooth. A catch there... Fingers on my scalp. Massage a little. Oh, that's good. If only someone else were doing it... Oh, yeah, my fingers can comb through now. No more fucking knots. I wonder... Could I influence Nagi? I think he could be someone I could like. Well, if none of this had happened... No. Don't go there. This is the reality I have to deal with._

With great reluctance, he turned off the water and turned to look fully at Nagi. _See if he's got any commands..._

Nagi set his book down again and cocked his head to one side. "Done? Good. Here, I'm sure you'll want this." A towel floated from the cart beside Nagi toward Yohji.

Yohji touched it with tentative fingers, as if afraid it would evaporate, then clutched it to his body. _No. Have to keep from letting him see that weakness. Or at least... Look like I'm trying to keep him from seeing it._ He shook the towel out and proceeded to rub himself dry. _Luxury... You don't think about how wonderful having a towel is until..._ He squeezed water out of his hair. _Is he going to take this back? Wait. He hasn't asked for it yet. Maybe he won't._ Yohji wrapped the damp cloth around his waist. Then he stood there, waiting for Nagi to tell him what to do.

Nagi frowned a little. "You should sit down again, Yohji-kun. You're not very strong yet. I'll have them bring more food."

Yohji nodded once, lowering his head in a motion that was more bow than anything. _What's he doing? No. Forget that. This is good, really good. But... I want..._ He shivered. _I do_ not _want him to touch me._ He started walking.

"Yohji-kun."

Yohji froze. _That was gentle. I didn't do anything wrong. He didn't't sound angry. What--_

"Come here for a second." Nagi pointed at a bit of floor near the edge of his cushion.

Yohji felt a strange combination of ice and heat in his belly. _He's going to touch me!_ His breath came a little faster. _I shouldn't-- No. Use it. Think about right and wrong later. Survival first._ He knelt a short distance from the indicated spot and inched forward. _Keep your hands down. You don't want to set him off accidentally._ He clenched his hands in the cloth of the towel then forced himself to let go as the pull stretched the cloth tight across his groin. _Don't want to make_ that _any worse. Or let_ him _see it. God, I hope Ran's not watching._

"A little closer, Yohji-kun." Nagi remained very still as if thinking that movement on his part might make Yohji bolt.

 _And it might... Except... I want this._ Sour shame washed through him, nearly choking him. Yohji edged closer. _What does he want?_ He stared at Nagi, then, realizing what he was doing, lowered his head so that he looked at the floor between them.

Nagi's fingers grasped Yohji's chin, lifting it. "It's all right to look at me." Nagi smiled. "At least this time." He moved toward Yohji and leaned in for a kiss.

As Nagi's lips touched his, Yohji leaned forward too. _Yes..._ He parted his lips, allowing Nagi's tongue to slip into his mouth. _I really do want this._ Yohji kept his hands at his sides. _I must not touch him. Does he realize I want this? Am I allowed to kiss him back?_

Nagi's teeth tugged gently on Yohji's lower lip, and Nagi's hands cupped Yohji's face. Nagi pulled back for a fraction of a second to breathe then brought their lips together again. During that moment, Yohji whimpered, moaned a protest and started to push forward. _Don't stop! God, this is sick. I shouldn't want this, but... I'm hard, just from the kiss. If he looks down--_

Nagi's hand crept behind Yohji's head, pulling him in closer, and Yohji made no move to resist. Instead, his tongue moved tentatively to meet Nagi's. _He can only kill me. Yes, he could. Hell, my libido never did have common sense._

Nagi's hand tightened a little on Yohji's neck. _Yes..._ Yohji started to raise a hand. _No._ He aborted the gesture and sobbed a little in frustration. A fierce ache grew beneath his collarbone. _I need-- No. Don't touch! Maybe..._

Nagi pulled back at Yohji's sob. Their eyes met, and Nagi frowned. His grip on Yohji's neck loosened. Nagi trailed his fingers along the side of Yohji's neck and stopped with his hand flat on Yohji's chest.

 _What does he see?_ Yohji struggled to control his breathing. His face felt hot. _Has he looked down? Fuck it._ He lifted one hand so that his fingertips just touched the back of Nagi's hand. _I do want this. I do. No response. Is that good?_ Yohji bit his lip for a second then, holding his breath, he lifted his other hand. He brushed the backs of his fingers across Nagi's cheek. _He just shaved... I'm such a slut._ Fear and desire clashed in Yohji's belly, roiling together to produce a sick sensation of shame. Both hands dropped to his sides. He turned his head, lowering it so that his eyes no longer met Nagi's. _I don't want to see it coming. What does he think of me?_ He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san."

"Yohji-kun--" Nagi's voice sounded hoarse.

 _That's lust. Still lust. Thank god._ Yohji risked opening his eyes.

"I'd almost think you wanted this..." Nagi began tracing spirals on Yohji's chest. Nagi's facial expression flickered between puzzlement and hope.

 _I do. What's wrong with me? No. As long as I want... It'll make him happy, and I'll--_ Yohji nodded abruptly. "Please, Nagi-san. I--" He shook his head in frustration. _I'm going to have to say it. I just hope... Please don't let Ran be watching._ He leaned into Nagi's touch. "I want..."

"What do you want?" Nagi hooked a finger under Yohji's chin and lifted then leaned to brush his lips across Yohji's.

 _Maybe I can..._ Feeling greatly daring, Yohji rested his hands lightly on Nagi's knees. Nagi twitched, and Yohji snatched his hands back. _Apparently not._

Nagi leaned back and regarded Yohji through narrowed eyes. "What do you want?" There was more hostility in the question this time. Nagi's eyes wandered over Yohji's body. "Take off the towel, Yohji-kun."

Yohji hesitated. _What is this? I'm not usually shy._ His hands hovered an inch or two from the towel for a moment. Then he took a deep breath, grasped the cloth and pulled. He couldn't bring himself to look at Nagi. _And I'm damn well not looking down, either. Where-- Yes. Over his shoulder works..._ Yohji felt cold then hot. _Let go of the towel, Kudoh; you look stupid clutching it. My hands'll shake if I let go. Yes, but he'll like that._ He released his grip and brought his hands to rest on his thighs. _Balinese wouldn't blush like this. But it's good; Nagi doesn't like Balinese._ "I want..."

Nagi drew in his breath sharply, and he leaned forward. His fingers stopped centimeters from Yohji's erect cock; then he drew back a little.

 _Please..._ Yohji whimpered and just barely restrained himself from moving forward. _He doesn't want me. No-- He doesn't want_ that. _He's never touched it before, not with his hands._ His cock shrank as he took in the rejection. Yohji dropped his hands to the floor and leaned forward. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san. I..." _No. Last time I said something about his fear, he hurt me. Not again._ He turned his head and laid it in Nagi's lap, laying his body flat on the floor and carefully keeping his hands back out of the way. _He doesn't like them either, I don't think._

 _And I still want this. How sick is that?_ Yohji sighed and nuzzled Nagi's leg as Nagi's fingers wound themselves in Yohji's damp hair. _And he still wants it too. At least--_ Yohji tilted his head back so that he could rub his face against the bulge in Nagi's pants. _Yes. You like that, don't you?_ Nagi's hands clenched in Yohji's hair. _Yes. I submit. I'm begging. How the hell am I going to live with myself? Stop it! No doubts now that I've gone this far._

"So what do you want, Yohji-kun?" Nagi's breath came rapidly making his speech uneven.

Yohji whimpered and raised his head a little to rub against Nagi's hands. _Do it right or you won't get anything. Do it wrong, and he'll kill you._ "I need you to touch me, Nagi-san. I-- That's... that's all that's real now. I--" _I do want him-- No. Not him. Just... somebody. He's handsome. He smells nice. He even feels nice when he's not hurting me._ "Please." He turned his face so that it pressed against Nagi's leg. _I don't want... Yes. I do. Too late. Just damn well say it. He wants to fuck you, but you're going to have to ask. I wish... I'd like to touch his skin for once._

Nagi stroked Yohji's back. "Do I frighten you that much?" He leaned down and kissed the back of Yohji's head.

Yohji nodded against Nagi's leg. _Do I have to be here right now? Make this decision?_ He opened his mouth. _It's just words, and I do want him._ He shivered and curved his back into Nagi's touch.

"Where do you want me to touch you, Yohji-kun?" Nagi whispered, his breath ghosting over the back of Yohji's neck.

Yohji raised his head again, using his arms to give himself a little leverage. "Do you want to touch me, Nagi-san? I-- Anywhere. May I--" He hesitated then nuzzled Nagi's crotch. He pressed his lips against the cloth covered hardness he found there. "May I touch you?"

Nagi's sharp intake of breath told Yohji'd that he'd played things correctly. _He won't be thinking with his head in a moment, at least, not the one on his shoulders. I've still got it._

Nagi's hands moved to either side of Yohji's head and urged him upward. Yohji scrambled to comply. He expected to be pulled in for another kiss but instead found himself pushed gently back to his knees. Nagi shrugged out of his jacket.

 _A little armor gone. What does he look like under that?_ Yohji's eyes followed Nagi's hands. _He can hurt me with those... Or not._ Yohji put his hands together over his crotch. _Nothing to be ashamed of, but-- He didn't like it before._ He licked his lips and forced himself to look at Nagi's face.

Nagi hooked fingers above the knot of his tie. "Touch yourself." He looked Yohji up and down. "Show me..." He pulled the tie from his neck then stretched the cloth between his hands.

Yohji shuddered as the tie went taut with a slight pop. _Go on. Give him a show._ He bit his lip and looked at the floor, wishing there was some way he could conceal the flush of shame burning his body. He shuddered again at the thought of baring himself so. _But my cock certainly likes the idea._ He moved one hand away and shifted his weight so that he could part his legs. _Careful. Don't finish it too soon... God!_ He wrapped his hand around the shaft, squeezed lightly and ran his thumb along the tip. He threw his head back, letting his eyes slide closed and a low moan escape his lips. _Yes. Oh, yes._

Nagi stood, but Yohji barely noticed. His other hand crept down to cup his balls and tease the skin of his inner thighs. _There._ He gasped. _God, right there!_

"Enough!" The ragged edge in Nagi's voice made the command more vehement.

Yohji whimpered. _Please..._ "Nagi-san--" His hands remained where they had been, motionless. He opened his eyes and was surprised to realize that Nagi was no longer in front of him. _That's right. He got up, didn't he?_

"No, Yohji-kun. Not yet." Nagi sounded like he was breathing fast, but his tone was soothing.

With reluctance, Yohji moved his hands. _I think he's behind me. Oh._ He felt the air move as Nagi stepped closer to him from behind and to the right. _What does he want?_ Yohji turned his head. _Okay. I can do that._

Nagi had opened his pants and lowered his boxers. He stepped closer till his knees touched Yohji's shoulder and his cock brushed Yohji's cheek. Nagi ran gentle fingers along Yohji's hairline. "I believe you said you wanted to touch me..."

Yohji turned his head and opened his lips. As his mouth closed around Nagi, Yohji felt a jolt of pleasure. _Almost as if I were getting instead of giving..._ He twisted himself, inching around until his entire body faced Nagi. Yohji let his tongue wander. _No hands. Definitely._ He tucked his hands between his thighs and his calves. He felt Nagi's hands tangle in his hair. _Yes, he likes that. Deeper. At least he's clean, smells mostly of soap. I can deal with that._ Yohji closed his eyes. _Such high standards I've got..._ He applied gentle suction, pulling back until only the tip of Nagi's shaft remained between his lips, teasing the foreskin with his tongue. _Remember to breathe. Deep again._

Nagi made an inarticulate noise of pleasure and pushed his hips forward. Yohji gagged a little but adjusted. _And I don't think he even noticed. I could finish him quick this way. Easy. But..._ His own cock still stood erect, throbbing, begging for attention. _But I still... need... something._ Nagi's fingers pressed into Yohji's scalp with bruising force. _I need to think. Something's not right. No. I don't need to think. Not right now. I need--_ Yohji began to pull back slowly. His greatest fear, that Nagi would hold him, not allow a retreat, proved unfounded. Nagi released his grip with noticeable reluctance, but he did let Yohji move. _There. And there. And..._ Yohji teased with tongue and breath as he moved his face alongside Nagi's cock. _Careful. He won't like being scraped by your whiskers, not there._ He opened his mouth wide and began to suck at Nagi's balls, taking in as much as he could.

Nagi sighed, and one of his hands moved to stroke Yohji's hair. _We've backed away from the edge, and he's not upset. As long as I seem to be giving him my full attention..._ Gradually, Yohji sat back again, letting his head lean against Nagi's thigh. "Nagi-san..."

"Why are you stopping?" Nagi sounded curious rather than angry, and Yohji felt relief sweep through him, relief that left curiosity in its wake. _I don't have time for that right now._

"Nagi-san, please--" Yohji hesitated. _I don't want to say it. Just damn well do it!_ "Please... I want you to fuck me." He felt Nagi move, a sudden involuntary shifting, and heard Nagi draw in his breath sharply.

Nagi knelt beside Yohji and ran hands over Yohji's shoulders. "You never wanted that before. You never wanted any of it before." Yohji thought he heard uncertainty in the words.

Yohji swallowed hard and looked away. "My body's not explaining things to me right now. I..." He turned back toward Nagi, keeping his head bowed. "I'm confused," he whispered. _I didn't want to admit that to him._

"Of course you are." Nagi cupped a gentle hand around Yohji's chin and lifted. "It's all right." He breathed softly in Yohji's ear then kissed his way down Yohji's neck.

Yohji arched his neck toward Nagi's lips and sighed. _Oh, yes... Just let him lead. Let him..._ "Nagi-san, may I-- Is it all right if I put my arms around you?" Yohji felt Nagi's sudden hesitation, a stillness that that might break in any direction. _Stupid. Stupid._

Then Nagi moved, pulling Yohji's body toward his own. "All right."

Yohji let his upper body relax against Nagi. _I don't think he's quite sure, but..._ Yohji raised his arms slowly and wrapped them lightly around Nagi's torso. _I wish he'd relax. I don't want to think about him hurting me right now._ Yohji buried his face against Nagi's neck. The crisp cotton of Nagi's collar pressed Yohji's cheek, and he smelled starch. _What does he want now?_ Yohji shuddered once then forced himself to be still.

Nagi closed his teeth on Yohji's shoulder with just enough force to show that the bite was intentional. _No. Relax. Let him do it. Besides, you still want this._ Nagi ran a hand down Yohji's side, pausing briefly at the hip then continuing on. He squeezed Yohji's thigh and stroked the skin with his thumb. _He won't, will he?_ Nagi moved his hand back to Yohji's arm. _No, I guess not._

Yohji felt tears prickling in his eyes. "Am I that disgusting?" he whispered into the cloth of Nagi's shirt. _Shut the fuck up, Kudoh! You're going to wreck this._

Nagi growled softly; Yohji felt the vibration more than heard it. Nagi lifted Yohji's head and brought their lips together in a bruising kiss. Yohji parted his lips in eager welcome, letting Nagi bend him backward. Then, greatly daring, Yohji moved one of his hands against Nagi's back, gently stroking. Nagi started slightly then pressed the kiss harder.

Then Nagi pulled back. "No, you're beautiful, Yohji," he replied in a husky voice. He leaned in again and nibbled Yohji's earlobe. "Yohji. Mine."

Yohji felt a sudden spike in the tension in his loins. His hips twitched upward, and he made a strangled noise consisting of equal parts protest and agreement. _Beautiful? I am? Of course, I am. God--_

Nagi ran his hand over Yohji's chest. "Yes." The word came out half hiss. "Mine." He teased at a nipple.

 _I'm acting like I want to be owned--_ Yohji shied away from the thought, moving instead to nuzzle Nagi's hand. _Tease him a little._ He licked at the fingers then pulled one slowly into his mouth, sucking, licking and nibbling at it. _I can do a lot for you, Nagi-san... If you'll let me._

Nagi pulled his hand back then trailed his saliva slicked finger along Yohji's cheek. He outlined Yohji's lips but refused to allow his hand to be caught again. Instead, he caressed Yohji's neck, continuing down to just brush his collarbone. "Someday, Yohji," Nagi said softly, almost whispering in Yohji's ear. "Someday, I'm going to touch every centimeter of your skin, enjoy it all, but-- Not today. For now, I'm just going to fuck you. I want to see you come with me inside you."

Yohji's mind split, half panic, half lust. _Not now!_ He sighed mentally. _The mind's divided, but the body's certain. I'd say the body wins._ He bent to kiss Nagi's neck, nudging his nose between Nagi's skin and collar. _I just wish... If I couldn't see him, I could pretend it's not him._ A sudden thought occurred to him. "Nagi-san, do you have--" He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Did you bring lube?" _Please. I don't want to improvise or..._

Nagi smiled. "Don't worry, Yohji." He extended a hand to one side, and a tube floated into his grasp. "Just lie back and enjoy it."

 _No!_ Yohji's arms tightened momentarily around Nagi, and he buried his face in Nagi's shirt. _Yes. Try a way around it..._ "I--" He pulled back a little, forcing himself to loosen his grip. _At least, he didn't freak when I squeezed. That was stupid._ He looked away. "I'll get you dirty." _Will he buy that? Why shouldn't he? It's true._

Nagi made a noise of displeasure and frowned. "I don't care," he replied flatly. Then his eyes narrowed. "Are you changing your mind, Yohji-kun?"

Yohji shook his head frantically, suppressing a sudden shudder of fear as some part of his mind noted Nagi's sudden retreat to a more formal form of address. _Even if I had, I wouldn't dare now..._ "No, Nagi-san. Not that. I just--" He felt a flush rising and bowed his head in response. _So much shame..._ "It might be easier if you... If you come from behind." _Then I won't have to see you, you won't see my cock, and I won't be tempted to use my hands. I can pretend you're someone else, and maybe I won't do anything to make you hurt me. Please..._

"Is that what you really want?" Nagi used a hand to force Yohji to look at him.

Yohji licked his lips. _Do you want me to crawl? I will._ The bitterness in his own thoughts surprised him. _However much I may hate myself for it later..._ He met Nagi's eyes squarely. "It's what I want. Do you want me to beg for it?" _Yes, I think you do. I suppose we'll get to that eventually. Just, please, not today._

Nagi nodded abruptly and released his grip on Yohji's chin. "Do it, then."

Yohji rose to his knees and untangled the towel from his legs. He moved awkwardly toward Nagi's cushion. He laid the towel over it then lowered himself onto the soft surface. He bunched the pillow a little under himself, clutching at it with his hands. _That's right-- Get my ass in the air so he can-- No. Remember, you wanted-- want-- this._ He heard Nagi moving behind him and lowered his head, cradling it on one arm.

Nagi leaned in to stroke Yohji's back, the fabric of his shirt brushing Yohji's buttocks. He planted kisses along the length of Yohji's spine, stopping only when he reached the cleft of Yohji's ass. Then Nagi molded his hands to the contours of Yohji's hips. "Up a little."

Yohji obediently raised his hips a bit further. Then he gasped as he felt again the pressure of Nagi's telekinesis on his cock. _Damn hard to pretend he's someone else when he's using three 'hands.' Maybe two someone elses?_ He hissed a startled breath as Nagi's power squeezed gently and began moving up and down. _Fuck it._ Yohji rocked his hips and moaned. "So good..."

"Careful," Nagi warned, putting pressure on the tip of Yohji's erection. "I'm not ready yet."

Yohji froze. Even his mind didn't seem to be working. He remained as still as his ragged breathing would allow as Nagi began the task of carefully stretching him. As the first finger penetrated, Yohji found that he was holding his breath and forced himself to exhale carefully. _Yes... It's about damn time!_ He twitched his hips back against Nagi's hand. _Now! Deeper! Faster! Better give him something..._ "Please, Nagi-san-- Fuck me! Please!"

Nagi growled low, a possessive sound rather than a hostile one. He leaned forward over Yohji's back and whispered, "As you wish." Then Nagi moved his hand away. Almost immediately, his cock nudged at Yohji's entrance.

 _Wait! No! I'm not ready-- But I-- I want--_ Yohji clenched his hands around the cushion and struggled not to scream as Nagi entered his body more violently than he had previously done. _Hurts! No... Good. Oh, god!_ Yohji moaned and pushed his body back against Nagi's in response to pleasure that only part of him was feeling. _Hurts... No. Yes. No. Confused..._ He forced his mind and body to focus on what felt good. _Time to figure the rest out later..._

Then one of Nagi's thrusts found Yohji's prostate. "Yes! There, Nagi-san! Right there--" Yohji threw his head back, clenching his jaw in an effort to delay his climax as Nagi found that sweet spot again.

"Don't fight it," Nagi commanded breathlessly. "Come for me. I want to see it."

Yohji rolled his eyes back just enough to see Nagi's face. _He's just barely holding on himself._ Yohji inhaled and very deliberately relaxed into the tension that threatened to swallow him. He lost himself for a moment and was only dimly aware of Nagi's release. When Yohji became aware of his surroundings again, he realized that he'd collapsed forward with Nagi on top of him and could feel a warm wetness on the towel beneath him.

 _That was amazing. God, I haven't felt like that since... I don't know._ He blinked as a contrary thought rose. _That was awful. He wasn't gentle, he didn't stretch me enough, and it hurt like hell. I... don't understand. I wanted it. I asked for it, but... I don't get off on pain. But I did this time._ Before Yohji could analyze his confusion, Nagi stirred.

"That was amazing," he murmured, running fingers through Yohji's hair. Then Nagi rolled to one side. He pulled Yohji up against him and wrapped both arms around him.

Yohji sighed and relaxed against Nagi. _I won't think about it yet. I'll just... feel whatever I feel. No. I need to sort this out before I drown. Satisfaction-- Okay, that's normal enough. Exhaustion-- I'm still in pretty bad shape. Shame-- I'll play the whore to survive. Not what I want, but... Triumph-- I got what I wanted. I won. I did? Possessive pride-- What? I don't understand._ Yohji felt his body starting to tense. _No. I can't afford to upset him now. He's pleased with himself, with me. It's safer just to relax._

He gave a little sigh and did his best to cuddle up to Nagi. _I'm too bony now to do this properly. How much weight have I lost?_

After a moment, Nagi moved again. "You must be exhausted, Yohji-kun. Do you want me to help you get to your bed?"

 _Back to formal address, but I think it's okay now. He's not thinking I'm rejecting him. But moving away could be bad right now._ "I'd just like to rest here for a moment, Nagi-san. Maybe after... after you get dressed."

Nagi moved back, carefully unwinding his arms from Yohji's body. Nagi laughed softly and patted Yohji's shoulder. "All right. Just let me know if you need anything. I plan to take very good care of you." He stood.

 _And so you should. What?_ Yohji's body jerked slightly as he tried to stop the flow of his feelings so that he could examine them. _I've just surrendered to him, but part of me's reacting like I've established myself as pack alpha. What the hell is going on in my head?_ The arm and shoulder pressing into the floor began to hurt, so he pulled himself up till he was sitting. _Look at the weird things... Triumph. Possessiveness. Dominance. Damn. Even how I felt when I started giving him that blow job. I'm not-- Fuck!_

 _Those weren't, these aren't my feelings-- They're his!_ Yohji looked up at Nagi. "What have you done to me?" he demanded, the words coming out half snarl and half plaintive wail. He swallowed convulsively as fear tightened his throat.

Nagi's eyes narrowed a little.

 _Bewilderment. Hurt._ "Get the fuck out of my head!" Yohji wrapped his arms over his head in a vain attempt at shielding and started to rock back and forth.

 _Puzzlement. Vague anger._ "Yohji-kun," Nagi responded with careful patience, "I only did what you asked. It's too late to change your mind now."

 _He's got more control after he's gotten laid..._ Yohji shoved the thought aside as irrelevant. _Not now!_ He shook his head. _He doesn't know! Whatever the hell this is, he doesn't know._ For a moment, survival instinct displaced all emotion. _Don't let him find out._ Yohji curled himself down until his head touched his knees and continued to rock. "I can't-- I thought-- But I can't." _But I could. I did. This position almost literally rubs my nose in it. What the hell have they done to me?_

Nagi crouched and touched Yohji's arm, and Yohji flinched. _Use it. That hurt him._ "Don't touch me!" He let his voice soften into pleading. "Please, Nagi-san. You're everywhere, and I can't get away. Just-- Don't touch me."

"Sit up then." Nagi's tone was even, but Yohji's gut clenched. Nagi straightened to his full height.

 _He doesn't want me to know that he feels this._ Yohji pulled his body in as tightly as he could. _Half an hour ago, I'd have thought I was reading inflection, body language, something... But I'm not. Am I crazy or-- What have they done to me? No. Not now._ Yohji straightened slowly. He kept his eyes on Nagi with a wariness that he didn't have to fake.

Nagi raised his hand, and Yohji shied back with a violence that surprised both of them. This time, a flicker of hurt did cross Nagi's face. He lowered his hand. "A few minutes ago, you were begging for me to touch you." Nagi's lips curled in a sneer. "You certainly seemed to enjoy it."

 _Anger. Yes. Make him angry; he won't think then, won't realize--_ Yohji curled his own lip, letting Nagi's growing anger become his own. "I played the way you wanted. Didn't it please you? You certainly acted like it was what you wanted." _If I really piss him off, he'll hurt me again. Can I take that? Better that than--_ "You're the rapist here, Nagi-san. And the amateur."

Nagi's open hand smashed into Yohji's cheek, knocking him into an ungainly sprawl. "Whore," Nagi said without heat, but cutting anger shone in his eyes.

Yohji pulled himself back to his knees. _That bastard hurt me! Well, I'll show him. I know just how to hurt him back._ A distant part of Yohji's mind tried to remind him that the rage was borrowed and that acting on it didn't fit the plan, but Nagi's hurt anger had already melded with Yohji's suppressed fury, shame and fear.

"I suppose you'd know." Yohji bit off each word and spat it at Nagi. "You've been there. You've done it. Can you honestly tell me that you never gave him-- the man who raped you-- just what he wanted? Never hoped he'd be pleased? That he'd be kinder? That he'd stop sooner?"

Nagi went utterly white, utterly still.

 _You feel it, you son of a bitch? Good._ "Of course not. You're better than that. Too smart. Too strong. Too damn powerful. You always have a fucking choice." Yohji paused and licked his lips. _He's going to kill you,_ that distant part of his mind shouted, but he ignored it and went on. "And it never worked well enough to keep you safe, did it? You were never good enough to make him go away. Did he make you thank him for it, Nagi-san?" Yohji glared at Nagi. "Did he make you plead for it? Did he make you love him?" He lowered his voice while maintaining its intensity. "Did he make you say it?"

Nagi stepped back, his movements slowed by a visible tremor.

 _Now he's going to kill me. Funny. I'm not really scared..._

But Nagi wouldn't meet Yohji's eyes. Instead, he turned and walked toward the door. It opened, and he passed through without so much as a backward glance.

Yohji stared at the closed door for a moment before a smile of savage triumph spread across his face. _I won! I hurt him for a change. I won._

 _But,_ that doubting part of his mind asked, _what happens when he comes back?_

 _Never mind. I want a shower._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Briar Rose and Yochan for beta reading this chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Schuldig strolled along the corridors, feeling more pleased with himself than he'd been in a while. _Give Fujimiya another day or so to stew, and he'll watch those tapes. Just the right pushes at the right times, and I'll be done. Then I can get the hell out of this pit._ He maintained a smiling façade, but very little he saw interested him. _I hate this place. Everything's all closed in. There's nowhere to really let loose._ A frown almost escaped him as he passed two women chatting. _And everybody knows what I can do, and half of 'em can block me when I'm being casual. And when I do get in and things get... interesting..._ He sighed. _Then everybody knows who to blame._ He kicked at a tiny cleaning robot that was wiping up a spill.

The force of the kick propelled the robot a couple of meters along the corridor. As soon as it landed, it began rapid progress back toward its starting point. Schuldig kicked it again. _Boring. Well, Crawford will give me someone to play with if I bitch enough._ The robot scuttled back toward Schuldig. He snorted and stepped aside. _No challenge in it._

Schuldig sauntered on. He started whistling, deliberately off-key, just to enjoy the occasional winces from passersby. _I wonder if the kid's playing with Kudoh again... Might be worth a look._ He changed direction. He reached out mentally. _Let's see. Kudoh's mind's pretty easy to penetrate. Yes. There._ He stopped, startled by what he found. _There's no thought there to speak of. He's awake, but..._ Schuldig groped for coherent words, images or sensations to tell him what Kudoh was doing. _Water on skin... Probably showering. "I won! For once--" Not good. Not at all. Is the kid there?_ Schuldig attempted to turn his attention to finding Nagi but found his mind caught by Kudoh's.

 _Fuck!_ He stumbled backwards, moving physically to echo the mental effort required to break free. _What the hell? That hasn't happened since-- Not now._ Fascinated, he poked tentatively at Kudoh's mind. _I_ have _to investigate this. First, get closer physically. The observation room, I think, and see what the hell he's doing. He doesn't feel quite the same. Headblind and not... I wonder if Crawford knows?_

Schuldig started walking again, only half his attention on his physical surroundings. _What a whirlwind! I have to find a way in. There's something interesting going on in there._ His expression sharpened, and a genuine smile spread across his face. _More than there is out here, anyway._

His forward progress met a sudden interruption as someone barreled into him. "Hey!" Schuldig grabbed at the offender's shoulder only to have his hand slip aside. He turned as the figure moved past him. "Nagi?" _//Kid? What's wrong?// Don't think you can get away with ignoring me!_

Nagi simply kept moving as if he hadn't noticed either Schuldig's words or the collision itself. Schuldig made another grab for Nagi and again couldn't connect. _Shielding. He's shielding telekinetically-- And I think he's crying. What the hell?_ He reached out mentally and encountered a storm. He flinched, physically retreating from what he encountered. _Anger. Self loathing. A cycle of thoughts he can't-- won't-- get out of. Hell. Last time he got like this, he pulled a building down on top of us, but that was directed outward. This--_

He stared at Nagi's back. _Shit. The kid's going to hurt himself--_ Schuldig turned and started after Nagi. _//Crawford!// That bastard damn well better be listening. This is his damn fault. Him and--_ Schuldig's eyes narrowed. _Kudoh. I'm going to kill the son of a bitch. Maybe take a couple of years doing it._

*******'  
Nagi didn't really see anything as he made his way toward the garden. More than anything else, he craved the oblivion he knew he could find there. _I'm not-- I didn't-- No! I thought-- He-- No!_ He felt his power coiling around his body, pressing in on him, tangling in his emotions. _I've become_ him...

As he stepped out among the bushes, Nagi felt a little of his pain drain away. _Yes. This is where I need to be. I won't have to think--_ He stretched himself mentally, trying to reach as far as he could. _Peace._

"If you do that now, you won't come back."

Nagi tried to block out the words as he'd blocked out everything since he'd left Yohji's cell. _I don't want to deal with this._

Crawford stepped in front of Nagi. "Look at me!"

Nagi turned his head away. _Go away, Crawford._

"Nagi." Crawford managed to turn Nagi's name into a command without raising his voice.

Years of habit prompted Nagi to meet Crawford's eyes. "Leave me alone, Crawford. I don't want to talk."

"Too bad. I'm not letting you wreck things with a temper tantrum."

Sudden anger sparked through Nagi's despair. "Wreck things? Your fucking plans? Thinking you're infallible just makes your fuck-ups bigger." Nagi clenched a hand and was pleased to see Crawford flinch. "What's wrong? Can't see me coming?"

"You didn't bind him this time, did you?" Crawford adjusted his glasses. "I gave you that order for a reason."

Nagi laughed, a wild sound that vaguely frightened him. _I'm right on the edge of losing control. Would that be such a bad thing?_ "What does that have to do with anything? It's the orders I obeyed that are the problem." _If I go, I'm taking you with me, Crawford._

Crawford smiled slightly. "Guilt? Is that what this is about? I didn't expect it this soon. Kudoh must be very talented."

This time Nagi did lash out with his power, knocking Crawford to the ground. _I want to see some stains on that suit. I want to see it reflect reality._ "It's your guilt, too. More yours. You made me." _Made me carefully, each lesson, each test, each trauma._ "I despise you. I'd have left a long time ago if I'd seen any other options."

Crawford laughed. "Would you choose to be otherwise?" It sounded forced, but Nagi scowled in response. "You still need me, Nagi. You don't even know what's hit you. Stop being an idiot and think!"

 _He makes it sound like another lesson, one I'm being slow picking up. Damn him!_ Nagi snarled wordlessly and looked around. _There--_ He pushed one hand outward, toward a small paved courtyard. The pavement buckled, and benches shattered. He took a step forward and spread his fingers wide. The broken pieces flew into the air. He clenched his hand in a fist. The debris spiraled in together, crashed and crumpled. _Not enough. Not nearly enough._ Dust sifted down as pieces of pavement pulverized each other, trying to occupy the same space at the same time. After a moment, he lowered his arm and allowed the remaining fragments to fall to the ground. He turned back toward Crawford. "The next time we play games like this, Crawford, I'll do that to something you care about. I know you better than you think."

Crawford had risen to his feet and begun the task of straightening his clothing. He frowned at his jacket for a moment before meeting Nagi's eyes. "Where are your shoes?" He looked Nagi up and down. "You look ridiculous."

Nagi narrowed his eyes. _Changing the subject? But I think you got the message. The question is, do you believe it?_ "I was in a hurry." He kept his tone icy.

"It's a question of professionalism. If the Taisken see us looking... disordered... they won't take us seriously."

 _Fuss, fuss. Whatever you're doing got away from you just a little, Crawford, didn't it?_ Nagi laughed low and looked back at the destruction he'd wrought. "No. They won't take _you_ seriously, Crawford-san. _I_ can paint myself purple and stroll around naked, and they'll still take me seriously. The High Lord can see what I do, and he hasn't had a telekinetic this powerful in generations. I don't need you anymore, not as much as you need me."

Crawford took a step forward. " _You_ can't see what's coming. You'd be dead in under a year." He started to advance further, but Nagi held up a hand, palm outward.

"I'm not very happy with you right now. You saw this coming, didn't you? And decided you wanted it to happen? I'm not a chess piece or a pet or..."

Crawford seemed to be intensely interested in the cuff of his jacket. "You'd have given it away." He shrugged and looked up again. "I didn't want him to see it coming. I _told_ you to keep him restrained."

 _That makes no sense._ Nagi shook his head and focused on the portion of Crawford's words that he understood. _So this is all about Kudoh--_ Part of Nagi's mind flinched, the wounds seeming too raw to be touched. _How'd I let him hurt me this badly? I know better. And what the hell was he playing at? He had to know I'd be back, that I'd exact a price. I don't think--_ Nagi shuddered mentally, shying away from quite looking at how close he'd come to killing himself. _I don't think he was trying to kill me. He doesn't know me_ that _well._

"So, are you done with your tantrum?" Crawford asked in an irritated tone.

Nagi raised his eyebrows. _He is rattled. Usually, he knows better. Of course, if I say yes, he'll assume I'm calm and go away, giving me a chance to think. But if I think, I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry anyway--_ Nagi turned his back on Crawford and walked away.

 _Kudoh... Yohji._ Nagi forced his spine to remain straight, his shoulders squared, as memory sliced him. _He_ did _want it. At least..._ He clenched his fists and swallowed heavily. _If he was acting... That's not easy. I-- I never could. When I-- I meant it._ He looked up at the trees and beyond. _I could fall into the sky... Never come back._ His lips twitched. _I actually could. Lifting myself isn't_ that _hard._

He sighed. _I just don't want to look at... Yohji. He-- He gave me exactly what I wanted, and then-- Everything changed suddenly. Yes, don't look at the rest of it, just that moment. Before was a lie, and after... doesn't matter._ A burning in his throat and pain in his belly told Nagi that he was lying to himself, but he ignored his physical reactions and continued looking at the sky. _What did he say? "What have you done to me?" That came first. Then he said, "Get out of my head!" And he was looking at me like I'd done something._ Nagi clenched his jaw, fighting nausea. _Which I had, but..._ His eyes widened a little. _That wasn't what he was talking about, was it? And it wasn't someone else in his head. He was getting, had gotten, something from me._

He spun on his heel and wasn't particularly surprised to find Crawford still watching him. "You utter bastard!" Nagi hissed. "You callous son of a bitch! You had me rape an empath!" Nagi struck out with his power.

Crawford rolled with the blow, just managing to keep his feet.

"Saw that one coming, did you?" Nagi strode toward the other man.

Crawford gave an oddly crooked smile. "He's a much better empath now than he used to be, much more useful." He stood his ground. "For one thing, now he knows what he is."

Nagi came to a halt a short distance away. Bitter disgust, at himself as much as at Crawford, roiled his stomach, and he spat, trying to clear his mouth of the taint. "An unshielded empath, no less! One with no fucking clue as to what was happening to him-- Sometimes, I hope there is a hell, just so I can see you there some day." He launched a simultaneous attack with fist and telekinesis.

Crawford dodged the physical blow, but the psychic one connected. Crawford stumbled back from the force of it.

"I wish you'd let me punch you. It'd be a hell of a lot more satisfying." Nagi stretched a telekinetic collar around Crawford's throat. "If you really wanted to keep me obedient, Crawford, you shouldn't have pushed my power so hard, have forced me to become so strong. Oh, but then we'd still be working for Estet, wouldn't we? Or perhaps we'd be dead? The end always justifies for you."

Sudden and painful sound lanced through Nagi's head, and he raised his hands to cover his ears. That only made the scream reverberate more strongly. _Psychic-- Shield it!_ The noise cut off abruptly. _I didn't do that-- Who--_ Nagi staggered forward then straightened. _Shit! I lost hold of Crawford!_

Crawford had stepped backward on a small rise and stood with his feet apart as if he were bracing himself. _Like you need the height advantage, bastard. Hm... I think it hurt him, too, but..._ He'd gone white, and his face looked strained, but he showed no sign of surprise. _He was expecting it, wasn't he?_

Crawford adjusted his glasses. "So what do you want, Nagi? We can continue this if you want, but... I think your toy's in a bit of trouble."

Nagi couldn't stop a snarl. _But I didn't shield it out. Something else-- Was that really Yohji? Well, it sure as hell wasn't Schuldig. Fuck! Schuldig shielded, cutting off the source, which means--_

Crawford smiled just a little. "We'll talk again later when you're more... composed."

"Damn right, we will, Crawford." Nagi forced his voice to coldness. "Don't think I'll forget." He turned away and headed back toward the building. _I won't run while he's watching. But Schuldig can do a lot of damage very quickly-- But-- The hell with it!_ He broke into a run.

********'  
Yohji avoided looking at Nagi's cushion. _I won't. Not at that. Not at his shoes, his jacket, his tie... And sure as hell not at the towel._ He ran the bar of soap across his chest again. _I'm never going to be clean again._ He stopped moving for a moment, simply letting the water hit him. _What now? I'm calm again. Mostly. I'd almost rather not be. I am so utterly fucked._ He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and winced. _And my body won't let me forget._

 _He's going to come back again, and then he will kill me. And I'll even kind of deserve it. He didn't do anything but what I asked him to, but..._ He felt himself starting to cry. _At least, the water from the shower'll hide that._

 _So what do I do now? I can't stand here forever. I'd like to, but... If nothing else, my legs won't hold me. I guess I go and sit and wait. And wait. How long will it take him to pull himself back together? I hurt him badly, pushed every button I could. And I can't very well apologize. I'd have to explain, and... I don't really want to apologize. It's not like he hasn't hurt me. And how would I explain? It's not like I've got the slightest clue what happened. No. I know_ what _happened. I just don't know why or how or... I was feeling his feelings, wanting what he wanted. What's that called? Empathy. I think that came up when Kritiker was talking to us about psionics. But... I'm not-- I never-- Not till now._

He turned off the water and used his hands to scrape off some of the excess moisture. _Squeeze out the water from your hair. Look like you haven't a care in the world. It's only everybody who knows you're lying._ He moved to the sink and brushed his teeth. _God, I should have done this first. I-- I let him-- No. I volunteered, opened my mouth and--_ He added more toothpaste and brushed vigorously. _That's blood. I can taste it. I should stop. I should--_ He spat pink tinged foam. _Water..._ He rinsed then spat again then drank eagerly.

He stopped suddenly, letting the water run over his hand. _What if it's in the water? Whatever's doing this to me-- What if it's in the water? Hell,_ anything _could be in the water._ He snorted, almost a sound of amusement. _Here I've been worrying about the food..._ He shook his hands dry. _What now?_

His eyes wandered the room as he tried to come up with options. _He left the cart. No, no point. They'll just gas me again, and it's not like I've got anywhere to hide anything. Oh, wait... He left the book._ Yohji shook his head minutely. _I bet the offer to lend it to me's been withdrawn. What the hell. He can only kill me so many times. It's not like I'm going to get another chance at the damn thing._ He straightened his shoulders and walked toward the book. His feet seemed reluctant to make the trip, his legs resisting to the point that he felt like he had weights attached. _He won't be back this soon... That's not helping._ He sighed and bent to pick up the book.

A small noise from the other side of the door froze him just as his fingers brushed the cover. _Shit!_ He stood and began to back away. _Too soon! It's too damn soon, and--_ Yohji frowned. _There's something there... Anger? I think so. But not_ his. _So--_ The inner door swung open.

Schuldig regarded Yohji through slitted eyes. "You made the kid cry, Kudoh." Schuldig took a quick few steps forward. "Really, really bad idea."

Yohji winced as the telepath's emotion slammed into him. _No! Ow! No!_ He fought to keep Schuldig's rage at a distance. _I have no idea how to do this. Help! Think fast--_ Yohji backed into the wall. _Nowhere to go._ "I don't suppose you'd believe--"

"I don't give a damn why you did it, Kudoh. But as it happens, I'm going to give you something you wanted." Schuldig smiled. _//You wanted to know what's going on with Tsukiyono, didn't you? And while you're in there, you can think about what the kid's going to do to him now that you've fucked up.//_

Yohji found himself slipping less easily into this scene than he had into Schuldig's presentation of Ken's memories. Yohji twisted mentally and fought to reject the images, but they washed around him like monstrous shadows.

Pain. Cold. Terror. Desperate faith and the certainty that that faith would be broken... Yohji felt himself start to flounder mentally as the emotions swirled around him. _I'm drowning in Omi--_

The child huddled against the wall, wishing desperately that the air were warmer. Even the wall leached away the heat from his body rather than helping insulate him. He shivered and squeezed his eyes closed against the darkness. _But I can't hope for light-- Light means the bad men coming back._ In the dark, he could almost pretend that he was grown, not a child, not small, not vulnerable. Not helpless.

"Please hurry, Papa," he whispered. "It's awfully hard staying brave." He felt tears forming in his eyes and turned his head in an effort to use his shoulder to brush them clear. _At least my arms don't hurt anymore..._

Heavy footsteps broke the silence, and the child whimpered. _The bad men are coming. Please, Papa-- I don't want them to hurt me again. Please!_

 _No!_ Yohji wrenched himself away and suddenly became aware of himself as Yohji again. _That's not me. That's not-- I'm not a child. It's_ not _real._ He felt his knees weakening and pushed himself upright again. He also pushed aside his anguish at Omi's suffering. _It's bad. It's so bad--_

 _//Oh, it's real, Kudoh. Or it was. He was a lot smaller then. Think about it, how much it had to hurt. And you still can't protect him.//_

Yohji opened his eyes and was half surprised to see his own cell rather than the child-Omi's dank prison. Schuldig had come close, placing his hands on Yohji's shoulders. The telepath's bitter anger and sadistic malice made Yohji shudder. _Worked once before..._ The image of wrapping his wire around the German's neck in the final battle after the summoning ceremony flashed through his mind. Very deliberately, he suppressed all thought as he had done then. He lashed out with his fist and connected firmly with Schuldig's chin.

Schuldig's head snapped back, and he staggered away.

Free for the moment, Yohji gathered his strength and fled. He headed toward the still open door into the antechamber. _If I can get there and get it closed behind me--_

But Schuldig recovered rapidly, while Yohji'd worn himself to exhaustion and still hurt from his encounter with Nagi. Schuldig grabbed Yohji just as his fingers brushed the door. Schuldig spun Yohji around and smashed him against the wall.

 _//There's nowhere to run, Kudoh. Nowhere.//_

 _He's doing that telepathically because he's out of breath, isn't he? Doesn't sound as threatening when he's panting._ Yohji pushed that thought aside as irrelevant. _One last thing to try... And he's already in my head. That should make it easier. If I can do it at all._ Yohji met Schuldig's eyes, forcing defiance to mask his terror, then took a deep breath. _Okay, you bastard, have it all--_ Yohji put every bit of pain, terror, shame and rage, every negative emotion he could find within himself, together in a bundle and aimed it at Schuldig.

Yohji felt those emotions explode outward, ripping themselves from his psyche. He screamed and vaguely heard an echo that could only have come from Schuldig. Then Yohji felt Schuldig's hands wrap around his throat and begin slamming his head against the wall.

 _I hurt him..._ The pleasure of that thought remained a distant shadow even as Yohji lost track of everything else. _Why bother fighting it? Whatever he plans'll hurt less if..._ He let the darkness take him.

*****'  
 _Well, that was fun. Not._ Schuldig panted heavily as he glared down at Kudoh's unconscious body. _He's not supposed to be able to do anything like that._ He massaged his temples. _I don't think-- Even if he were awake, I'm not up to getting into his head again. Not after that. Not till this headache's gone._

He prodded Kudoh with his toes. _Out. Completely. Damn. I'll have to wait. No point doing anything till he can feel it._ Schuldig looked around the cell. _A few things on that cart I can use. Careless of Nagi to leave it--_ He scowled. _Shows how badly the son of a bitch upset him. Pain is not enough. What..._

 _Ah. He worries all the time about what happens to his body while he's unconscious. Let's start there. I'll tell him all about it as soon as he wakes--_ Schuldig's head throbbed as he bent to lift Kudoh. _Okay. He'll get that after my headache's gone; I couldn't do it justice right now. Now where? Yes._ His eye came to rest on Kudoh's pallet. _He feels safe there; that'll make it worse when I show him..._

*******'  
 _//Onii-san--//_ Ouka's voice shook a little, and Omi gave her his full attention.

 _//What is it, Ouka-chan?//_ He kept his voice gentle in spite of his exasperation at the interruption. _What I'm doing right now is important._ He sighed. _My imouto knows that. She wouldn't call for something that wasn't at least as important._

 _//I think something's happened to Yohji-kun. I think...//_

Omi stiffened, going suddenly still while the computer system's data continued to flow around him. _//What? Why? Do you need me back there?// How does she know? //Has Naoe returned? Or Schuldig?//_

 _//Not exactly... A little bit ago, I felt Schuldig poking at our mask. Then he kind of... Well, pulled on it. Remember how it felt when he showed it to Crawford? Like that. I thought it was weird, but... Well, it didn't seem important enough to bother you about. Not right now.//_

Omi nodded. _//I see. What changed?//_

 _//A few minutes later, Yohji-kun screamed.//_

 _//Screamed?//_

 _//I-- I don't know what else to call it. It hurt. It knocked me out for a minute. It... Whatever happened must have hurt him a lot, and I'd bet Schuldig's responsible.//_ Ouka sounded scared. _//Find him, nii-san, please. Yohji-kun-- Schuldig might--//_ Her shudder crossed the link between them. For a moment, they shared images of Schuldig's appearance and actions the night she died.

 _//I wouldn't bet against it.//_ Omi set his mouth in a grim line. _//Thank you for telling me. If you're okay, you should probably go back now. I need to look for Yohji-kun, and...//_

 _//I'd distract you.//_

 _//I'm afraid so. Will you be all right?//_

 _//I think so. And nii-san-- I hope...//_ Then her presence was gone.

 _Me too._ Omi turned his full attention to the surveillance systems. _If only this place weren't so damn big._

******'  
Nagi skidded to a halt in front of the door to Yohji's cell. _I'm going to have to do this the hard way._ He'd stopped on the way at the observation room and hadn't been particularly surprised to find everyone there unconscious. _At least, I think they were unconscious. It's not like I stopped to check, but there wasn't any blood to speak of._ He'd gone straight for the door controls only to discover that Schuldig'd left the inner door open. _Which means I can't open the outer door without command overrides. Well, actually,_ other _people can't open it without the overrides. I, on the other hand--_

 _Too much time gone. Too damn much. I know what Schuldig can do in fifteen minutes--_ He stepped back, pressing his body against the far wall. _Breathe. Even it out, no time for panting. Focus--_ He raised his hand. _Damn, I wish I hadn't played around out in the garden! Waste of energy I've got a better use for-- Of course, then I'd have killed Crawford. Would that be such an awful thing?_ He wove the tendrils of his power through the tiny gaps around the door then squeezed, stressing the materials. Then he smashed the full force of his ability squarely against the barrier. _Once. Twice. It's giving-- Hit it again!_

The door and part of the wall surrounding it exploded. Nagi didn't pause to study the destruction. Instead, he charged through the debris and into the cell. Once inside, he looked around quickly. _There--_

Schuldig crouched beside Yohji's unmoving form. Nagi extended a hand in a sweeping gesture and used telekinesis to hurl Schuldig against the wall. Schuldig hit hard and bounced sideways before falling to the floor.

Nagi crossed the room rapidly and knelt beside the pallet where Yohji lay. _So much blood..._ "Yohji-kun?" Nagi reached for the other man's neck, feeling for a pulse.

Yohji's eyelids twitched. "Nagi-san..." The name barely came out as a whisper.

 _No, everything's superficial. Painful but superficial. At least, physically..._ "I'm here." _Schuldig just barely got started. Going for pain, meant to take his time. Yohji'll be all right in a few days._

"Kid--" Schuldig had regained his feet and started to move toward Nagi.

Nagi looked up and scowled. "Don't you think you've done enough?" _//Back off! He's_ mine _! No one else touches him.//_

"He hurt you! I couldn't just ignore that." Schuldig hesitated for a moment then started forward again. "I suppose you've got some interesting ideas about what he deserves..."

Yohji whimpered. Nagi looked down again. He reached out with gentle fingers to stroke Yohji's hair.

Schuldig's shadow fell on Yohji's body. Nagi looked up.

"Stay the fuck away, Schuldig." Nagi's voice took on the cold tone of command that Crawford used whenever Schuldig really went too far.

"You don't mean that--" Schuldig's expression changed rapidly, different emotions flickering across his face. "You _can't_ mean that." He took another step.

Nagi hit him telekinetically, slamming Schuldig against the wall again. This time, he heard bones snap. "Someone will be in soon to take care of you. I've got other things to worry about." He turned his attention back to Yohji. _Moving him is going to hurt like hell._ "Yohji-kun, I'm going to knock you out so I can move you. It'll hurt less." Without waiting for a response, Nagi put slight pressure on Yohji's carotids and waited. _Okay, now._ He released the pressure and lifted Yohji into his arms.

As Nagi turned to go, he met Schuldig's eyes for a moment. Schuldig had wrapped one arm around his body while the other hung limp. His eyes burned with accusation, with disbelief, with betrayal. "Someone will be in for you soon," Nagi repeated gently. "I'm sorry, sempai." He left without any further backward glance.

******'  
Omi raced through the system, searching for signs of Yohji. _I shouldn't have put it off. I just figured he wasn't going anywhere-- No. I just didn't want to watch Naoe touching Yohji-kun. I didn't trust myself._

 _No. Not here._ Omi looked around. _Too damn slow this way..._ He closed his eyes and let go of his visual construct. _How does it_ feel _?_ He stretched himself. _Double door cells there and there and there..._ He focused his attention on one of those areas. _This is too weird. I'm not supposed to be shaped like this._

Sudden pain flared in... _My right shoulder? No. I don't have one right now. Never mind! I can't afford this._ For a moment, he was too busy coping with the unexpected sensation to guess at its origin. _Control. Pain is in the mind, and I'm nowhere else right now. Separate. Yes. Pull back. Yes. Now go_ there.

He twisted himself mentally and opened his eyes again. _There--_ One of the icons indicating a double doored cell flashed an angry red. Omi reached out to touch it then recoiled briefly as the system shrieked its alarm. He set his jaw and pushed his awareness forward. _Inner door open. Outer door closed but... Yes. Something-- someone-- is trying to force it. Surveillance system, that's what I need. There. Naoe outside trying to get in. That's--_ Omi felt a snarl of rage curling inside his virtual chest and realized dimly that it reverberated through the computer network, disrupting normal functions. _That should be_ me _! No._ No _. Better Naoe on the outside, coming to the rescue, than-- I may not have to intervene. I shouldn't_ want _to intervene._

Inside the cell, Omi saw Schuldig standing over a battered looking Yohji. Schuldig glanced toward the door then shrugged. He crouched beside Yohji and rolled him onto his back. _He's bleeding. Both shoulders dislocated looks like. Hell of a lot of external damage._ Omi snarled and flexed his fingers. _Access the nanites to check for internal-- No. No time. Naoe's almost in. Judging by how he's acting, he's pissed. I can get Schuldig later._ We'll _get Schuldig later._ He could feel ripples from his anger running through the system. _I'm not even going to think about what_ that's _doing to the computer._

Omi watched until Naoe carried Yohji from the cell. _Should I follow? I don't know... I need a way to communicate with Yohji-kun, and that means using Ran-kun. At least, that's the simplest. First-- Can I get a signature on Yohji-kun's nanites? The system's been tracking his physiological reactions which means it can find the nanites. If I can track that... I don't know if that'll work outside the cell. Well, time to find out._

 _I suppose if I lose track of Yohji-kun, I can always look for Naoe. I don't think he'll leave Yohji-kun for long. Not now. Not given how he looks. Trust Yohji-kun to manage a seduction, and trust Ran-kun not to see any of it happening even when he did._

 _Ran-kun. Right._

Omi sped along the path back to his body. _It seems a long way... Getting into the system is becoming easier. Getting out on the other hand--_ He twisted his perceptions and slid back into his body. He sensed Ouka's relief at his return and her anxiety over what had happened.

 _//It's okay, Ouka-chan; at least, I think so. Naoe smashed Schuldig against the wall to rescue Yohji-kun. Yohji-kun, he was hurt pretty badly, but... I think he'll be okay.//_ He reached out mentally and nudged the surveillance system, looking to see what Ran was doing. _Reading. Perfect._ He created a short loop that included Ran turning a page and set the system to repeat it. _That's getting a lot easier. I bet I could fabricate records fairly easily. I'll have to play with that a bit more-- Later._

He stretched and cleared his throat. "Ran-kun! Come in here for a moment."

Omi heard sounds of movement from the other room, and after a moment, Ran walked in. _He looks so much better._ Omi smiled. _He wouldn't admit it, but he'd lost hope. Okay-- How do I explain this? I'm going to have to tell him about Ouka eventually, but... He'll be certain I'm crazy._

 _//You most certainly are_ not _!//_ Ouka interjected.

 _//Look at it from his point of view--//_

Ouka snorted. _//Like he's in a position to talk. At least, you haven't asked people to call you by my name!//_ She sighed. _//But you're right. We can't afford to have him questioning your ability right now. We need him too much. Maybe he'd accept...//_ She hesitated. _//There's part of you that doesn't entirely believe in me, you know. You hide it, but it's hard for me to miss that sort of thing.//_

Omi's eyes widened slightly. _//I-- I'm sorry, Ouka-chan. I--//_

"Omi? Is something wrong?" Ran had halted in the doorway, and his face showed concern.

 _Oops._

Ran advanced and sat down. He perched on the very edge of the seat, regarding Omi solemnly.

Omi sighed. "First the good news. I located Yohji-kun. The bad news is that Schuldig was... working him over. I was thinking seriously about intervening even though it would hurt our chances of escaping, but Naoe burst in and put a stop to it."

Ran's jaw set in a hard line; then he raised an eyebrow. "A setup? Something to make Kudoh-- Yohji-- more dependent on Naoe?"

Omi shrugged, ran his fingers through his hair then shook his head. "It didn't look like that. At least... Naoe _hurt_ Schuldig. A broken arm, probably some ribs. I'd bet that Schuldig could take a fall better than that if it was planned." He shook his head again. "Doesn't matter, Ran-kun. Either way, Yohji-kun's alone, and we need to find a way to make contact. He needs to know that we haven't forgotten him. And--" Omi fixed Ran with a glare. "He needs to know that we don't think less of him for... what's happened."

Ran looked away.

 _At least he looks ashamed of himself now, not like it's all someone else's fault._ "Ran-kun... We have to watch those tapes. I need to know what happened, and you-- You need to make them think Schuldig's sick game is working. It's the only way they'll ever let you near Yohji-kun."

"I won't-- I _can't_ do that. What Schwarz wants..." Ran folded his arms across his chest and pressed himself back in the chair. "I'm _not_ going to hurt Kudoh."

Ouka snorted. _//What Crawford wants, he means.//_

"Ran-kun--" Omi put a hand on Ran's shoulder. "If I could see another way, I'd take it, but I don't. And I can't... I can probably either cut the sound or substitute a sound track, at least as long as you're careful about not letting the cameras catch your lips." Omi frowned, considering. _If I can manage a time delay, it'll be better. I can script dialogue that fits what they're doing. How long can I get away with?_ Tremors passing through Ran's body pulled Omi's attention back to the present situation.

"Omi... I'm afraid I'll hurt him, really hurt him. Schuldig didn't put that there, just brought it to the surface." Ran looked directly at Omi, his face showing an unusual pain and vulnerability.

 _//I didn't think he'd see that,//_ Ouka commented softly, her tone much kinder than was normal when she discussed Ran. _//Be gentle with him. That can't have been easy to say.//_

 _So you do trust me, Ran-kun. I've wondered sometimes._ "Come here, Ran-kun." Omi pulled Ran toward the bed. Ran resisted for a moment then allowed himself to be embraced. Omi managed not to react when he felt Ran's tears soak his shirt. _He's really worried about this._ "People have... impulses. All people," Omi insisted as he felt Ran's body stiffen in rejection. _Yes, Ran-kun, you too. Much as you'd rather not be human..._ "Some of them are ugly. Some of them..." _Careful._ "Some of them just need to be channeled so that--" _No. Not that way._ "You're Weiss. Yohji-kun is Weiss. You can do whatever's necessary. I have faith in you, both of you."

******'  
Yohji stared up at the ceiling. _This is wrong. This is just... strange._ He closed his eyes for a moment and let the drugs in his system start him floating. _Soft mattress. Smooth sheets. Warm. Nagi's bed and only me in it. And he promised... Promised not to let Schuldig--_ Yohji shuddered and then froze at the pain the movement produced. _Don't even think of him. Just don't._

He heard the sound of movement from elsewhere in the apartment and seized on the distraction. _My nurse, my babysitter. What's her name again? Telat. She'll come if I make any sound. See if I need more medication, food, water, a trip to the toilet. Change my pants. Pants. He gave me clothing. Only sweatpants, but... Social armor even against a nurse. And I need it. Not counting my name, she knows all of about a half dozen words in Japanese, and all of them are on that little list Nagi gave her._

 _What the hell did Schuldig do to me that Nagi thinks I need a someone to watch me? No. I wasn't going to think about that. But I do need her. I still can't walk to the toilet on my own. What the hell did Schuldig do to me? Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to leave it alone._ He turned his head a little to one side, ignoring the pain the movement caused. _I can smell Nagi in the sheets. I never thought that would be reassuring._

 _Schuldig..._ He shuddered again. _I... did something. Even hurt him I think. Then he... Yes. He grabbed my throat and beat my head against the wall. There's time missing then. At least, I think so. And I think..._ He tensed, clutching at the sheets. _He raped me. I'm sure he did. I'm glad I wasn't really there for that. But I was awake for the rest of it. He wanted me to know, to hurt, to fear, and... it worked._

 _Then_ he _came-- Nagi. And it wasn't a set up. He was too angry, too worried. He chose me over Schuldig. I--_ He concentrated for a moment on his breathing, trying desperately to even it out. _I couldn't understand the words by then, but he was gentle and so very angry with Schuldig, and he brought me here, to his own place. If I could walk... If I could, I bet it's even a door I could get through._

 _When I'm feeling better... When I'm feeling better, I'll figure out a way to use that._

*****'  
Ken shifted in bed. He glanced at the stack of folders on the nightstand beside him then looked away. _Not like I haven't already read 'em all. Twice. I just wish I could disbelieve what I read, but... Once I accept certain givens, it all makes too much fucking sense._

He stared up at the ceiling and started counting speckles. _Anything to keep from thinking for a while. Damn! I wish I could move. I could work this through better, and I'd worry less. Even watching curling would be better than this..._

Familiar footsteps interrupted Ken's attempts to distract himself. "Crawford." Ken didn't even bother to look; the American's gait was too distinctive to be mistaken. Ken heard Crawford pull up a chair and settle into it.

"So have you given my proposition some thought?"

 _Yes, and I damn well don't like it._ Ken nodded. "If it's that important to you, I don't understand why you're giving me a choice." He kept his eyes on the ceiling.

Crawford cleared his throat, and Ken's mind pictured the other man's probable movement. _Push up the glasses. Settle his expression so he looks like he knows everything. Move the hand to attract my attention. Tough. You're not getting it. Deal. I can damn well multitask._

"No matter what happens, you hate me. I don't have time to change that, and... The whole effort's wasted if you lie to me."

Ken turned his head and met Crawford's eyes. _Now the question I really want to ask..._ "You think I'm going to lose it, don't you?" _Go completely bugfuck crazy, judging by his reactions._

Crawford didn't flinch.

 _Not that I expected him to. He's got guts. Wonder what he'd be like on the field?_ Ken raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything further.

Crawford's response came softly enough that Ken might not have understood it if he hadn't been paying attention. "The odds do favor that." Crawford's fingers twitched, and Ken wondered what the other man wanted to do. "Most seers can't... interface... with the present very well. They get lost."

"You do pretty damn well." _It's possible. Anything Crawford can do, I can. But the whole idea scares the hell out of him. Is he losing his nerve? Closer to that edge than he wants me to know? Probably._

Crawford actually looked away. "My gift isn't very strong as such things go. I don't See all the time. Beyond that, it's a question of mental discipline."

 _And you don't think I've got any. Moron. I was a_ goalie _. Minutes of boredom punctuated by seconds of urgent action._ "I see." Ken looked away again. _And I bet you hope I do go nuts. Otherwise, you'll have to deal with me and my agenda. Whatever it turns out to be. I studied those files you gave me, Crawford. If I stay sane and if I swear to this High Lord, I'll have the more powerful gift, so I'll outrank you. If._

"You know, Hidaka-san, there's a certain irony in this."

Ken turned to look at Crawford and narrowed his eyes a bit. _You're actually pretty honest with me, I think. Trying to get me to trust you? Maybe. Probably looking for emotional engagement. That's where my files say my weakness is. Hell, that_ is _where my weakness is. I just know better than to let it get personal. Most of the time._

"Out of all the members of Weiss," Crawford went on, oblivious to Ken's inner monologue. "You're the last I'd have expected to have this sort of talent." He pushed his glasses up again. "With the strength of the potential, it ought to have manifested at least a little before now, just hunches but enough to keep you out of trouble."

Since Ken had already considered this question, he was able to hide his reaction to Crawford's words. _Just because you don't know about it! And it's not like I paid attention when I wasn't on the field. They were just hunches, and I didn't want to be another superstitious ball player, and... Kase was my friend._ The pain of thinking about Kase had eased a little over the years, but the memory still cut deeply. _Maybe going crazy wouldn't be all bad... No! Stupid! I promised Omi not to do that again. Besides..._ He shook his head once.

"Is something wrong?" Crawford's tone revealed a little anxiety.

"What are you giving me to make this worthwhile?" Ken made his voice hard.

"Saving the world isn't enough?" Crawford raised his eyebrows.

Ken waved a hand at the files. "You've given me some facts. Maybe. If you're not lying. The rest... You're asking me to take a lot on faith, and, as you recently mentioned, I don't like you. There are only a couple of reasons I haven't already told you to go fuck yourself sideways... You asked, and you didn't have to, and... You _might_ be telling the truth." _And you've got my friends locked up somewhere in this place. If--_

"You want a gesture of good faith? I suppose we could heal you up faster--"

" _Real_ good faith, Crawford." _Be damned if I'm giving him a 'san!_ ' "Let the others go, and I'll do it."

Silence stretched between them for a long moment. Then Crawford shook his head regretfully. "I can't. Aya-chan would never forgive me if her brother got himself killed fighting us, and he would. You know that. Tsukiyono's not up to being out on his own right now. I've got Ran looking after him. When he's doing better... That I could do if you really want it, let Tsukiyono go, that is." Crawford sighed almost inaudibly. "And Kudoh, he's no longer... His situation is no longer under my control."

Ken stared at Crawford for a moment. "You're really bad at this people stuff, aren't you?"

A brief flicker of offended indignation crossed Crawford's face. Then he smiled with conscious irony. "Let's just say I'm not accustomed to asking, to being the petitioner."

Ken nodded. "Your strategy's not bad, but your tactics suck. You'd get run over in your first five minutes on the field. Well... I suppose this whole precognition thing would help. Call it ten minutes. Anyway, the way I see it, I'm the one with something you really want, have to have even. And I won't get anything out of giving it to you." _I don't get this, not really. Why hasn't he played up the potential benefits if I do make it through?_ That's _the attractive looking package. So what'll he offer? How badly does he want this? You can't convince me he's never done contract negotiations._

Crawford's jaw clenched. After a moment, he replied, " _I_ don't need it." He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "You're the idealist, the one who cares about making things right. Or have I mistaken Weiss' purpose?"

Ken suppressed a snort of laughter. _Idealist? I murdered that along with Kase. And then again and again and... I suppose he's still leaning on the files. For someone with the instincts he's got, he relies too damn much on documentation. But he's not going to let them loose unless someone higher up orders it._

 _I'm going to have to play this game, ignoring the odds, and I'm going to have to win._

******'

"No!" Nagi shook his head. "Absolutely not!" He glared at Crawford. "Haven't you and your plans done enough damage?" _And I only just got him resting comfortably! Babysitter and all._

"I don't think Hidaka will do him any harm, Nagi," Crawford replied mildly. "It's not like I'm asking you to leave Schuldig alone with him again."

Nagi narrowed his eyes. _You're not usually this clumsy, Crawford._ "No." He folded his arms across his chest. "I may still be able to put Kudoh back together now, but Hidaka's a complication I don't need." _You've been misreading Yohji, and I wouldn't put money on your being right about Hidaka. If he's anything like Fujimiya..._

"Kudoh doesn't have to be conscious." Crawford turned away and walked over to the window.

"What does Hidaka have that you want that badly?" _Maybe he'll even answer... Hell, he'll answer if he really wants it because I'm not letting Hidaka anywhere near Yohji without a damn good reason._ Nagi fidgeted in his chair. _I am_ not _getting up to follow him. Let him pace and demand and worry. He deserves it._ "Just bearing in mind at the moment, Crawford-san, that I'm still looking for a reason why I shouldn't cut ties with you entirely, take Kudoh and walk. I can."

"I know." Crawford didn't bother looking back. "It would be a bad idea, but you could do it. The High Lord would be happy to accommodate you. As you commented yesterday, he hasn't had a telekinetic like you in a long time, and he wants to keep you happy." Crawford turned to face Nagi. "I just want to keep us all alive."

Nagi shook his head. _No, Crawford, that one won't fly anymore._ "I need a hell of a lot more than that. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your credit's run out. I forgave you for Tot. Mostly. I even understand why you set me up like that. Now. Mostly. That pales in comparison-- She wasn't permanently damaged. This time--" Nagi shook his head again. _Yohji may survive what Schuldig did, but... I can't be sure of that yet. And that doesn't address what I've done. What Crawford told me to do. What I still want to do..._

Crawford sighed, and his shoulders seemed to droop. "Yes. This time..." He straightened abruptly. "It was necessary. Then and now."

Nagi met Crawford's eyes, keeping his expression hard. _He looks exhausted._ "Not good enough. You can label anything as necessary. Especially after the fact." _I don't trust you anymore, Crawford._ "So tell me. Explain it to me in simple words. Explain it all, or I _will_ walk."

Crawford stared at Nagi for a moment.

 _That's right. Look at me. Me. Not some factor in your damned calculations!_

Crawford's expression changed just a little.

 _Yes. I'm not irresponsible and impulsive like Schuldig. I'm not crazy like Farfarello. And I'm not a child anymore. You have to deal with me, not just use me._

"All right." Crawford almost collapsed into his chair. "All right, Nagi. You win." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Give me a moment. I need to get my thoughts in order."

Nagi leaned back in his chair, schooling his face to conceal his amazement. _I win? What the hell? He must be exhausted._ He watched as Crawford sagged forward, supporting his head in his hands. _Yes, he is. I wonder... I don't think he ever really looked at me, thought about me like that before. Oh._ Nagi's eyes widened. _I bet he's having more trouble with Hidaka than he expected. A lot more trouble. And I bet he has no clue why. He's treating Hidaka like one of us or like a minion, like someone who won't question. But usually, Crawford can See how people will respond to his ploys..._

Crawford looked up. "Have you swept for bugs recently? It's better if this is private."

Nagi responded with an ironic half-grin. "You wouldn't even ask unless you were already sure of the answer."

"Well... You have been a little distracted lately."

 _Have I? I don't think so._ "You assigned me a task, but Kudoh hasn't required all of my time, not even most of it. Getting this place properly set up has taken rather more." _Okay, maybe by your standards I have been distracted. I haven't been devoting myself only to what you want. Tough. Deal._

"This part isn't any great secret really, but..." Crawford steepled his fingers and tapped his index fingers together. "You know now that Kudoh's an empath. His power level will never match Schuldig's, but Kudoh should be able to learn a much greater measure of control than Schuldig ever will. He's not the only one of Weiss with potential." He hesitated for a moment before going on. "Hidaka's... He has a large and completely untapped potential as a precog, a seer."

Nagi straightened is his chair. _I suppose it's not surprising that somebody else would have potential. What's the Taisken estimate? Half the population? Two thirds? Assuming that holds true on Earth._ "Precognition?" He raised his eyebrows. "I thought that was your area."

"He could be a lot stronger than I ever will be if we can force his abilities to manifest. Left on his own, he won't take things anywhere, but with the proper pharmaceutical assistance..."

Nagi frowned. _If he's stronger than you are... Can you afford the competition?_ "I thought it was the rarity of your ability that made you valuable."

"Not exactly. Not... The thing that's really rare is controlled precognition, the ability to See consistently without... without Seeing too much."

"And Hidaka will be able to do that?"

"No." Crawford made an abrupt slashing gesture, a rejection of the possibility. "He'll be too strong. He'll See all the time. He won't be able to tell what's real and what's not."

 _What's useful about that? Well, obviously Crawford's got something in mind._ "And that will help you how?"

Crawford's expression seemed to imply that he thought less of Nagi for not having figured it out already.

Nagi ignored the expression. _I grew up looking at that, Crawford. I'm immune._ Nagi waited.

Crawford sighed. "I'll be able to tell which of his visions are what we need."

 _Just a bit too much emphasis on the "we," Crawford. I haven't agreed to anything yet._

"And we will need what he Sees." Crawford frowned, apparently offended that reality hadn't chosen to make things more convenient. "There are things I... Things I know we're going to need-- people actually-- that I--" His voice broke just a little, shocking Nagi. Crawford looked away for a long moment before meeting Nagi's eyes again. "That I'm not strong enough to See."

For a few seconds, Nagi couldn't breathe. _Crawford not strong enough? The man who brought down Estet? The man who--_ Nagi inhaled slowly, using every bit of his self control. _He really is leveling with me. What happened? He used to spend hours sorting through possible futures, looking for the one he wanted, figuring out the paths that led to it. And how to get us on those paths whether we liked it or not._

Crawford remained silent and very still. _Oh. He's waiting for my judgment. Will I use his weakness or will I help him? Which do I really want to do? Does it matter to him except as a branch on his logic tree? I wish I thought it did._ Nagi sighed almost imperceptibly. _It's not really a question at all, is it? Except in his head. No wonder he's been such an ass. He never actually understood what I wanted with Tot, why I'm still angry about it. He doesn't believe that people can care. Wonder how the hell he manages with Aya-chan..._

Nagi nodded. "I understand. So we really do need Hidaka." He gave the pronoun the slightest extra emphasis and saw from Crawford's expression that he got the message. _I can't-- won't-- abandon you now, Crawford. You're the closest thing I've got to a father._ Crawford started to speak, but Nagi held up a hand. "I haven't forgiven you, Crawford-san. That's... harder. But..." Nagi spread his hands as words eluded him. _And the questions pile up... Does the High Lord know? Will he care? Crawford's position has rested on three things, my power, his own power and his intimate knowledge of Earth's politics, economics, and so on. But he gave the High Lord Kritiker... Hell._

Crawford's eyes widened just a little at Nagi's words, and he seemed to lose a certain tension from his shoulders.

 _Did you really think I'd-- Of course you did. You don't actually know me, do you? When did you stop Seeing what I'd do next?_ Nagi's eyes widened a little as a thought struck him. _You treat us all the way you were treated, don't you, Crawford? What did they do to you to make_ your _gift stronger? How close did they push you to the edge?_

"If Schwarz sticks together, we'll survive regardless of whether we get Hidaka or not," Crawford admitted quietly. "At least as long as we're more loyal to the High Lord than we were to Estet."

 _You weren't planning to be?_ "I see why you asked about bugs. Even saying that-- even if you don't mean anything by it--" Nagi shook his head, suppressing a shudder. "I'd rather avoid another deep scan." _To say nothing of the things the High Lord does to people who betray him._

"I Saw... The Taisken finding Earth was inevitable, unavoidable, at least _from_ Earth itself. If I could have gotten us into the Empire somehow, we might have stopped it, but--" Crawford waved a hand dismissing the thought. "The High Lord is only the first of many and, sadly, the best of the lot. We want his claim on Earth to be upheld. If it comes to war with other Taisken-- They won't give a damn about 'collateral damage.'"

Nagi leaned back in his chair. _Why that sounds almost altruistic! Who are you and what have you done with the real Crawford?_ "Since when do _we_ care about collateral damage?" _And what the hell does this have to do with Hidaka?_

Crawford laughed bitterly. "It becomes important when we're likely to be part of it. That, and... Whatever I pretend, there are some things I care about." He also leaned back in his chair, suddenly appearing more confident. "Tell me, Nagi-- Yesterday, in the garden, why did you only destroy the artificial, the pavements, benches, fountains? Why be so selective?"

 _Because-- Oh. I guess you can still teach me something._ Nagi looked away. He licked his lips. "They wouldn't be selective."

"The High Lord's conquest will be... messy... anyway, but he will take some time about it and co-opt existing institutions where he can. Most people won't ever encounter the darker side of his regime. Hell, for a lot of the world, the corruption in his administration, the cruelty of some of his people, his personal... vices, will still be an improvement over what they've got now."

 _That sounds like you've run through it a thousand times, and it's all true, but it still doesn't tell me why we need Hidaka._ "What do you See about it?" Nagi felt daring asking the question which was not one Crawford had ever been inclined to tolerate.

Crawford hesitated before replying but finally took a deep breath and said, "Nothing really. I'm relying on chance flashes which don't tell me much. I can't afford to look that far ahead right now. Half an hour, even an hour, I can manage safely, more than that if there's a fight involved and I focus on that specifically, but..." Crawford shrugged with exaggerated indifference.

Nagi stared at the older man for a moment. "You almost got lost, didn't you? Ended up where you say Hidaka's going to be--" _I was ready to walk away just a few minutes ago, but... The thought of Crawford gone, especially that way-- That scares me. He's-- He's_ Crawford _, for god's sake. He's supposed to be indestructible. Maybe we all paid a price for destroying Estet._

Crawford just shrugged again, not bothering to answer. "But I have Seen Hidaka as the key. I just have to get him to volunteer." His expression became decidedly sour. "He has to agree for two reasons. First, I have to be sure he won't deliberately lie to me later, and second, the High Lord won't let me activate that sort of potential pharmaceutically unless the subject agrees. The latter reason's really more important. It won't take long for him to end up too tangled in the possible to be sure who he's talking to at any given moment."

 _Is that why you used torture on Yohji, that the High Lord didn't want you to use drugs? Or were you just being nasty? To Yohji and to me. Or don't you know any other way?_ Nagi suppressed the impulse to ask. "Have you Seen that?" _Yeah, what if you're wrong? He already hates us, I'm sure. How's he going to feel after he sees Yohji? Do you really think he's not going to blame you, blame us?_

"No, but the odds... I don't think even one in a thousand Seers can manage the trick. I can't guarantee that he won't make it, but that's the way to bet. If I'm wrong... Well, he'll See what I Saw."

Nagi got up. He paced toward the window then turned back. He stood very still and watched Crawford. Crawford turned to look at Nagi. "All right. I'll allow the visit, but there are conditions. One-- Kudoh's mine. No more games, no telling me what to do with him. Two-- Tell me what's going on from here on out. I'm willing to work with you. Not for you."

"All right." Crawford nodded. "Kudoh's yours. As to the other... I'll try. I'm not very good at... that sort of thing. Aya-chan keeps telling me I've got to be better about talking to people." He smiled slightly. "I think she means better about talking to _her_ , but I suppose it generalizes too." Crawford seemed to hesitate then asked, "Will you accept advice?"

"I'll listen to it. I may not take it."

"Apologize to Schuldig."

Nagi turned away and moved to lean his forehead against the window. _No. Absolutely not._ "I told him more than once to stay the hell away from Kudoh. It's not my fault Schuldig didn't listen." His mouth tightened. "He's lucky I didn't kill him."

Nagi heard Crawford sigh. "Even a week ago, you would have."

 _What?_ Nagi went rigid and only barely kept himself from spinning around to stare at Crawford. _Well, I asked for honesty._

"Oh, yes, Nagi." Crawford's voice carried the soft venom he reserved for revealing unpleasant truths to people he couldn't afford to kill. "I've spent the last two years watching to make sure you didn't kill any of us. Power like yours doesn't mix with... rage. It's been very tiring."

Nagi heard Crawford stand. _It's a lie. The son of a bitch is just trying to get control back._

"You'd have felt terrible afterward, but it doesn't take much to set you off. Didn't take much with Kudoh, did it?"

"I didn't kill him." Nagi wasn't entirely sure whether he meant Schuldig or Yohji. He felt a purely psychosomatic pain in his chest. _But I wanted to... But I didn't. I just went in knowing Yohji'd try things that would piss me off._

"I know. That was a bit of a surprise. A pleasant one, but a surprise never the less. You'd have regretted killing Kudoh, but it wouldn't have wrecked you... or Schwarz."

 _How many different stories does he have? First it's sex education. Then it's breaking Yohji to make him work for us. Next it's hurting him to make his empathy stronger. Now it's teaching me self control, giving me something-- someone-- to take out my anger on._ "What the hell are you really trying to do with Kudoh, Crawford-san? You've given me a hell of a lot of different stories." Nagi turned and raised a hand and started ticking off points. "Sex ed. Assassin on a leash. Empathy through torture. A punching bag for me."

An odd smile tugged at Crawford's mouth. "You forgot my dislike of Fujimiya."

Nagi raised his eyebrows. "I'd discarded that one."

"Perhaps you shouldn't have." A note of bitter humor escaped in Crawford's words. "I'm quite capable of being petty."

 _Are you? I think I need to figure you out. Maybe... I wonder if I can come up with an excuse to talk to Aya-chan..._ "Just how close did you come to the edge, to losing yourself?" _Will he answer? Do I even want to know?_

Crawford rose to his feet. "I'd better be going. Let me know, Nagi, when you're willing to let Hidaka see Kudoh. And--" He seemed to hesitate for a moment before saying softly, "You might want to think about why Schuldig did what he did. It matters."

Nagi sighed and felt his shoulders relax a little. _He can't answer me, can he? He'll never be able to bend that far. But I can. I have to._ "I can manage that much, I think."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Yochan, Hope of Dawn and Tritorella for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

Nagi headed for his suite with a certain relief. _It's been a hell of a long day. I probably should have waited to talk to Schuldig. No. He'd just get angrier the longer he waited. As it is, he doesn't seem much interested in making peace. Maybe after his arm heals... Not bloody likely._

He began the process of getting past the security systems he'd put in place. _At least, this will keep Schuldig out. He's pissed as hell at both of us. I don't think he'd hurt me, not physically, but... Yohji's another story entirely._ He paused for a moment before entering the final code. _Well, it'll hold until Schuldig finds someone who knows how to break the electronics and who he can manage to control. Judging by the looks and hesitations and outright flinches I've been getting, word's getting around that I'm not to be fucked with._ He smiled in satisfaction, looking around while the scanner processed his handprint. _Maybe I can get Crawford to send Schuldig away for a while. I don't want him anywhere near Yohji, not for a long time. And Schuldig should know there's a price for pissing me off._

 _Even if he meant well._

 _At least, I've got something to look forward to now. Yohji will be waiting. We can't do much, not till he recovers, but... He's_ mine _. Maybe watch a movie... That should ease things a bit._ Finally, the door opened. Nagi stepped inside and sighed with relief as it slid shut behind him. _I can relax now. I've been wanting to get back--_ He stiffened as the sound of laughter reached him. _Yohji and-- He doesn't sound like that with me!_ His upper lip curled in a snarl. He clenched his fists, stifling his first impulse, his desire to charge into the bedroom and kill someone. _No. See what's going on first._ He moved further into the room as silently as he could.

The bedroom door, a normal wooden door with a crystal knob, stood ajar, and Nagi used it as cover. Yohji lay propped up in bed. Telat, the woman Nagi'd assigned to look after him, perched on the edge of the bed. She looked at Yohji and smiled. Then she pointed at the chair by Nagi's desk and said the Taisken word for chair. Yohji repeated it, mangling the word badly. She giggled at his pronunciation and corrected him. Yohji tried again with slightly better results and gave her a flirtatious smile.

Some of Nagi's anger had cooled when he realized that he'd stumbled upon a language lesson, but Yohji's smile provoked a new wave of cold rage. _Mine! How dare she! Bitch--_ Nagi's breath hissed between his teeth. _And Yohji! He should know better._ He narrowed his eyes as he struggled to control his rage.

Yohji went suddenly still, all animation slipping away, his laughter gone.

 _He sensed me. He's afraid of me. Good._ Nagi flattened a hand against the door. _No. I don't want him like that-- Not... paralyzed._ His eyes moved to the woman who had noticed the change in Yohji's demeanor and was worriedly asking if he was all right. Nagi inhaled slowly through his nose, focusing his attention and anger on her. _It's_ your _fault. You distracted him, made him forget-- I should have known better than to trust you-- After how you acted in the cell, after what Schuldig said about your reactions--_ He pulled his hand back and clenched it into a fist.

 _Bullshit. I picked her_ because _she felt sorry for him, because she wanted to protect him in spite of me and Schuldig, because she's female. Being pissed because she's kind to him... I'm not that kind of hypocrite. But I don't want to be fair. And I don't want to blame him. He's got to use anything he can get, and I know he's resourceful._

Nagi closed his eyes for a second then opened them again and pushed the door open.

Telat rose instantly to her feet and bowed slightly.

Yohji remained completely still, staring at Nagi with an unreadable expression.

 _He's waiting to see how angry I am... Let's surprise him._ Nagi crossed to the bed and reached out to caress Yohji's hair. "I'm sorry I've been gone so long, Yohji-kun. I had to take care of a few things." Nagi shifted a few strands and let a finger start to trace the outline of Yohji's ear. "Are you feeling better?"

Yohji flinched almost imperceptibly under Nagi's hand then very deliberately leaned into the contact. "Some," he said quietly. "I still can't walk to the toilet by myself, but--" A corner of his mouth drew up in an almost smile.

 _He accepts me. Good._ Nagi found himself smiling at the humor in Yohji's words. _He laughs about the damnedest things._ Nagi leaned in and kissed Yohji's forehead. "Well, Telat and I are going to go talk about how you've been doing. I'll be back in a minute."

Yohji stiffened as Nagi spoke the woman's name, and concern flashed in his eyes before he managed to cloak it.

 _So you do care about her. Do you care about me at all? Why the hell should you?_ Nagi blinked, a little startled by the bitterness in his own mental tone. He hesitated. _Maybe he'll think I misunderstood--_ "Soon, Yohji-kun. I won't abandon you."

Nagi turned away and headed for the door, gesturing for the medical technician to follow him.

******'  
Yohji strained to hear the conversation in the next room. _Though it's kind of pointless when I can't speak the damn language... At least, it's just voices. I was afraid..._ He sighed and lowered his head to the pillow. _He was so angry. I don't know if I can deal with him being angry now. Of course I can. I've got no damn choice. I just hope I can do a better job than I have. I can. I really can. At least... I can as long as I keep track of what's him and what's me. Does he know about what I'm sensing? Schuldig must, but--_ Yohji shuddered. _Damn! I've lost fights before, gotten the shit kicked out of me before, but this-- I'm over-reacting. No. I'm not. I won't survive that again. I need time to recover physically and mentally. I don't think anyone's ever wanted to hurt me that badly, not just to hurt_ me.

He closed his eyes and tried to let his breathing even out. _Maybe I can sleep again. Maybe he'll be less angry later. Maybe..._

He roused from a light drowse when the bed dipped under a sudden new weight. He opened his eyes to see Nagi regarding him seriously.

"I didn't mean to wake you, Yohji-kun," Nagi said quietly. "You need the rest."

 _Why?_ Yohji suppressed the urge to ask the question out loud. _I don't want to know his answer._ "I wasn't really all that tired, Nagi-san. More... bored." _And why hasn't he brought up what happened before-- before Schuldig? Given how we've... interacted so far, he should punish me somehow._ He fought the urge to curl in on himself. _If it's proportional... He's reacted so badly to such small things. And this--_

 _God, I can't believe I did that. No. I believe it. Attacking him that way was stupid, but... I needed to reclaim some part of myself. I'll just have to deal with the consequences._ He met Nagi's eyes. "I think..." Hidden by the blanket, his hands clenched. "You're being very kind to me right now." _What do you want? I need to know that._

"Don't worry about it." Nagi shifted to move closer to Yohji, slipping his arm behind Yohji's shoulders. "I'm not going to punish you this time."

Yohji felt a little of his tension ease. _But he's still angry._

"Not unless, that is, someone actually told you you were an empath and showed you how to control it." Nagi started stroking Yohji's hair.

 _He knows._ Yohji turned his face in toward Nagi's shoulder. _What the hell is it about him and my hair?_ He shook his head a little. "Is it drugs? Did you give me something that made that happen?" _God, I hope so..._

"No. Not the drugs. Though they probably didn't help you any." Nagi fell silent for a moment; then Yohji felt him sigh. "Stress, necessity, pain..." He pulled Yohji closer. "Negative stimuli can make certain... abilities... stronger, at least when those abilities make surviving easier. Or sometimes just when you're very hurt, very angry or... very desperate. It's not pleasant when it happens to you." Nagi laughed bitterly. "Crawford did it to me, too, when he had Farfarello stab _her_." He stopped and shook his head.

 _He's back there again, isn't he?_ Yohji stifled the urge to offer comfort. _That'd set him off again, and I bet it'd be worse. He might mix me up with Crawford. After all, he may not think... No. Nobody who saw his reaction could misunderstand._

After a moment, Nagi went on, quiet bitterness filling his words, "Crawford could have prevented it, you know, avoided the confrontation, but he needed me to... break through."

Yohji stiffened a little then sighed and forced himself to relax. _This is important. This is... private. He's... He's trusting me with this. Give him something in return-- A surrender._ Tears weren't hard to find, and he let them flow to soak Nagi's shirt. _Should I give him more? No. I might set him off. And this is weakness enough._ "Crawford knew?" _Of course, he fucking knew. He's the fucking precog._

He felt Nagi's chin touch the top of his head as Nagi nodded. "He knew, and he didn't bother to tell me. If he had... If he had, I'd have handled... things... better."

 _Bullshit. You didn't choose what you were doing. You kept losing control when I... pushed the wrong buttons._

Nagi's arms tightened around Yohji's shoulders, just enough to offer comfort. "What happened, what you did-- It was almost inevitable. You covered it well, when you realized. That was very clever."

 _I'll be damned! He sounds proud. Of course, he's proud. I'm his dog and learned the trick in one lesson. God, I'm glad he can't see my thoughts. Or sense my feelings._ Yohji felt himself tremble. _But it was clever. It worked, and he didn't have the slightest clue as to what had hit him. And if I tell myself that often enough, maybe I'll manage to convince myself._

"I can't teach you much about controlling your empathy, but I can tell you that it won't go away."

He flinched at the finality in Nagi's tone. "I don't want it, Nagi-san," he whispered. _But do I really want to lose it? If I can figure it out... Don't tell him that!_

"You don't have that option," Nagi responded in an unyielding tone. "You haven't had that option since Kritiker sold you to us." Nagi rolled Yohji away just enough that they could look each other in the eyes. "If I'd known, I'd have worked to bring it out. I'd just have been more... careful." He ran his thumb along Yohji's jaw.

He stared at Nagi. _I don't think he even knows he's lying. Well, he's kind of not. If he'd known, he'd have guarded himself better. I don't think he'd have let himself start-- Yes. He cares now, and he didn't then. I don't think he meant to. I wonder if Crawford knows that-- He must by now. I wonder why he let it happen..._

Nagi frowned a little. "We will have to do something about this--" He ran a finger across Yohji's cheek, testing the growing stubble. "Fortunately, there's something fairly easy we can do. One treatment, and it'll never come back."

Images out of his nightmares flashed through Yohji's head. _Hands all over me-- Disassembling me, reassembling-- No!_ He wrenched himself back, away from Nagi, then contracted at the sudden agony the movement caused. _Ow!_ He gasped, choking back a sob. _Fuck! Hurts, hurts, hurts..._

Nagi sat up and looked at Yohji with some concern. "You should be careful," he said mildly.

Yohji held himself without moving until the pain eased. _That was stupid. Stupid. But what is he going to do to me? Wait--_ He closed his eyes. _What good is this empathy thing if I can't use it when I want it?_ He took a deep breath. _He's... amused? Yes. Concerned, too. But there's no... meanness. He owns me, and he likes that. He can do what he wants with me, but... I don't think he's planning something that will hurt me. At least not this time._ "I... I can't stop you, can I?"

The shadow of a frown crossed Nagi's face. "Do you want to?" He reached out and tapped Yohji's nose twice before brushing Yohji's hair back from his forehead.

 _He's... Yes. Disappointed. What does he want from me? He-- he wants me to want his approval. Christ. We're a hell of a long way from a simple fuck._ That _I understood. This-- This is going to get messy. Who am I kidding? It's already--_

A tentative sounding knock interrupted his thoughts and saved him from having to answer Nagi's question. Telat stuck her head in and said something that Yohji couldn't understand. Nagi responded briefly in a tone of command, and the woman stepped in.

 _Oh. More food._ He regarded the covered tray without much enthusiasm. He smiled at Telat, automatically assuming his make-the-lady-feel-good manners. _What was the word for "thank you?" Ah, screw it._ "Thank you," he murmured.

He felt the sudden change in Nagi's mood. _Sharpening attention. Hostility aimed at... her. Fuck._

Nagi said something else and rose to take the tray. Telat flashed a smile at Yohji and left. _Crap. She doesn't get it. She hasn't noticed._ He turned his full attention to Nagi. _Have to make him feel secure. Soothe him. Why the hell does he have to be so possessive? It's not like I'm going anywhere. Hey, don't knock it, Kudoh. It saved you from Schuldig--_

Nagi set the tray down on the nightstand, but his eyes remained fixed on the door for a moment longer. He chewed on his lip then turned to look at Yohji. "What would you do, Yohji-kun, if I ordered you to kill her?"

He felt his expression flatten. _First, don't die. Right. Not my job to tell him it's stupid to kill her, that it'll alienate other potential subordinates._ He looked at the door and let a flicker of his professional demeanor through. He raised his hands, flexed his fingers and regarded them thoughtfully. "May I wait till she's asleep? I'm still weak, so she could probably take me if she sees me coming." _She doesn't deserve it, though. But if it's what he wants, if it'll keep me alive-- I've killed people like her before. Petty minions._ He felt a sudden surge of emotion from Nagi, an odd mix of revulsion and lust.

"The question was rhetorical." Nagi's response held just a hint of rebuke.

 _Bullshit._ Yohji looked down at his hands. _The question was a test, and we both know it._ "I apologize, Nagi-san." _He's not going to make me do it. Thank god. At least, not this time. Was that revulsion at me or at himself? I deserve it, but... He deserves it more. It's a good sign if he recognizes that, isn't it?_

Nagi nodded. "You're still not quite yourself." He seated himself on the edge of the bed again.

 _It was at himself. That's shame, and it's not mine. It tastes different._ Yohji regarded Nagi with a steady gaze. _I'm surprised I can think this clearly. The painkillers on top of whatever other crap they've been giving me, not to mention Schuldig..._ "You stopped the drugs, didn't you?"

Nagi cupped a hand to Yohji's cheek. "Not the painkillers, but, yes, everything else. I thought you'd deal better with... what happened if there wasn't anything... extra... interfering. You're doing better than I expected. Schuldig--" Nagi shrugged as if he couldn't find the right words.

Yohji twitched when Nagi said the name. He did his best to turn the twitch into a shrug. _I don't want to talk about it. You're safe and sane in comparison, and I... I don't like that. Without the drugs, maybe I can fight you longer, but... I'd already decided to surrender. Yeah, and_ that _went real well. But that doesn't mean the decision was wrong. It's still my best hope to survive._ He shuddered. _If Schuldig gets me again, I won't survive. And Nagi seems to be glad that I'm-- Well, I'm not exactly okay, but..._

"I told you, Yohji-kun, I won't let him near you again." Nagi edged in close again, his fingers stroking reassuring patterns on Yohji's skin.

 _This is nice..._ He sighed and forced himself to relax into Nagi's touch. _You like this; you're pleased. As long as I give you what you want..._ "I know. It's just..." _What piece of the truth can I give him? I can't afford to make him angry. I... need him too much._ "I didn't expect him." _And you're really worse, Nagi-san. With him, it'd be over, no more hope. With you... I have to keep fighting because I might win. Or at least not lose. Is it losing if I own a little bit of you, too?_

 _Even if I lose, would that be so bad? He's dangerous, but... I could like him. Is that so terrible?_

Nagi snorted gently. "Of course, you didn't." He smiled. "Let's see what we've got to eat." He lifted the lid off the tray. A little more of a challenge to your stomach this time-- Grilled eel with vegetables."

Yohji forced a return smile. _It_ is _a treat. I just-- We're feeding the damn nanites, not feeding me!_ He inhaled. _Smells good. Why didn't I smell that before?_

Nagi picked up chopsticks and used them to pull loose a choice bit of eel. "Here. I think you'll find this works."

Yohji thought he managed to conceal his reaction to Nagi's action. _I can damn well feed myself!_ He suppressed a sigh. _At least, my hands aren't tied this time._ He opened his mouth. _Obedience. Cooperation. Flattery._ He swallowed heavily as his throat went dry. _Sex. I need to find a way to make this better than just not dying. I don't want to die inside just to keep breathing._

Nagi hesitated. "You do like eel, don't you? If you don't like the food, let me know. I may still make you eat it anyway if the doctors say you need it, but I'd rather know."

"I like eel." He tried to inject some enthusiasm into his voice. _I especially like it better than some of the other things you've fed me. But I won't say that._ "Why are you being so kind to me?" _I'm curious as to what you'll say._

"Don't try to analyze it too much, Yohji-kun."

"Just enjoy it while I've got it?"

"More or less. Here, eat."

Neither of them spoke for a while as Nagi fed them both. Yohji relaxed a little, realizing that no further demands would be made on him for a while. _I think he's tired too. How long was he gone and what did he do? I slept a lot; he could have been gone for hours._ He tensed suddenly as a thought occurred to him. _Shit! I'm in his bed. Where's he going to sleep?_

"Problem, Yohji-kun?"

 _I can't-- No. Why the hell not?_ "Where are you going to sleep?"

"Ah." Nagi set down the chopsticks. "The bed's big enough to share." His eyes hardened a little. "Or do you want me to send you back out there again? I'm sure Schuldig would take you in."

Yohji reflexively tried to draw his legs up to protect his belly. The pain that screamed through his nervous system as a result paralyzed him for a second. When he recovered a little, he turned his head away. "No, Nagi-san." _That was cruel. But... It was a reminder. I can't afford to reject him._ "Aren't you afraid I'll try to kill you?"

Nagi laughed. The sound carried a weight of bitter humor. He reached out and tugged Yohji's chin, forcing the older man to look at him again. "I'm assuming you're not that stupid." He ran his thumb over Yohji's lips. "You're mine. I got Crawford to accept that; what he wants won't affect you any more, not unless it's also what I want. I'm going to be standing between you and everything else."

He shuddered at the intensity of Nagi's emotions. _He likes owning me. No, he_ needs _to own me. I think... He might kill to keep me. I'm not fool enough to give up that protection, not when I've still got so much to lose. He wants to protect me, likes doing it-- Why the hell shouldn't I let him?_

Nagi's expression softened. "I scare you a lot, don't I?" His fingertips brushed gently over Yohji's face, carefully avoiding the healing bruises.

"I'm not a fool." He forced the words out through stiffened lips. _He likes scaring me, but he also... He's wistful, wanting me to trust him. Does he even know I can't do both?_

"I wouldn't keep you if you were." Nagi straightened a little.

 _No, I suppose you wouldn't._ He let his lips quirk a little with humor. "I'm pretty, too. Got to give me that." _Or is that not part of what he likes about me?_

Nagi relaxed enough to smile. "You're not looking your best just now."

"It's been a rough week." _Longer than that, I suppose. I wonder how everybody else is doing... Can I ask? Given how he's reacted to casual mentions of Ran, who's by no means my favorite person-- Will he get jealous? And what will happen if he does?_ Yohji sighed. _I need to know, and I don't think he'll hit me when I'm already this messed up._ "Nagi-san-- I... Schuldig stuck some things in my head--" _But if this does set him off... If it does, I'm dead._

Nagi stiffened, looking alarmed.

"Nothing really bad, I don't think. Just painful. He showed me the night Kritiker... sold... us, from Ken's point of view, and... He showed me where Omi is right now-- mentally, emotionally. At least, he said it was all true, but he wanted it to hurt me, so..." He trailed off uncertainly. _Did I do that right? Yes. I think so. Now, don't push, just let him say what he'll say._

"We haven't hurt Tsukiyono, if that worries you, and we're not going to. What did Schuldig show you?" Nagi's expression was carefully neutral.

 _He's not sure I really know. And he is jealous. I just-- He doesn't want me to see it. Does he think I won't know? Oh, of course, he's not used to thinking about this empathy thing. Hell,_ I'm _not used to it. I just can pretend I'm doing something else, doing what I always have. I suppose I am..._ "Omi's trapped in his head, back with those bastards who kidnapped him when he was a kid. He's terrified." _Shit! Now I'm echoing it--_ Yohji felt himself start to hyperventilate and clutched at the sheet that covered him.

"Calm down, Yohji-kun!" Nagi wrapped his arms around Yohji, lifting him. "You're safe. Breathe slowly. In... Out... In... Come on!"

He fought for control. _Put it aside. Just put it aside-- You can do it. You've put things aside before._

"Tsukiyono's with Fujimiya now. He hasn't... come out... yet, but Crawford thinks he will. He's a lot calmer, hasn't even hit Fujimiya once. I went and visited. He doesn't look bad. Fujimiya's even been doing some PT to make sure Tsukiyono's muscles don't atrophy."

He finally managed to relax. _Ran'll look after him. I can trust Ran to do that. He won't let any of them touch Omi. But can Ran rescue Omi? Ran's not exactly... No, he'll do it. He doesn't give up, not ever. Look at what he went through for Aya-chan. Thank god._

 _Christ. I'm only playing for me now. Ran won't let them touch Omi, and Nagi's damn well hooked on me anyway. I'm only playing for me now..._ He turned his head to bury his face in Nagi's shoulder. _What's my life worth?_

Nagi stroked the back of Yohji's head. "He'll be all right, Yohji-kun. He'll be fine. And _you'll_ be fine."

 _Maybe that's even true. Maybe. Okay, ball's in my court. How-- Yes._ "You told me once, Nagi-san, that Schwarz looks after its own." He kept his face pressed against Nagi's shoulder. "Well, Weiss is family too. My family, and they're hurting." _That's sympathy. Good. I don't want him hurting any of them because he's jealous._ "Only thing Ken, Ran and I always agree on is taking care of Omi. He-- he's the youngest, after all." _And the one Kritiker screwed the worst. Manx did her best, but... No. Can't get distracted now._

"What was it like? I have my own strange family, but... Yours is different. More... normal." Nagi's laugh sounded almost natural.

 _What's safe to say?_ "We wouldn't be friends, you know, not if we met normally. It really is like family-- We didn't choose each other. Kritiker pushed us together." Yohji turned his head a little to keep from mumbling into Nagi's shirt. "And none of us had family. Well, there was Aya-chan, but I don't think-- I'd never say it to Ran-- I don't think Kritiker ever thought she'd wake up."

"Crawford always said she would. He was actually kind of pissed off when you snatched her after the summoning."

Yohji looked down at the blanket. "Does he-- Does he really... care about her? Ran never wanted any of us to meet her. We were all too... tainted. But she meant something to us. Family. Innocence. The normal world... We'll always be apart from it, but we were kind of connected to it through her." He took a deep breath. "So it matters. Does he care?"

"Surprisingly enough, I think so." The pressure of Nagi's arms around Yohji's body eased a little. "It annoys the hell out of Schuldig. I don't think he likes the way things have changed in the past couple of years."

 _There's a story there. Wonder if I can get it-- I didn't flinch at his name that time. Does that mean I'm getting better? Or am I trusting Nagi more than... Hell._ "Is he going to hurt her?"

Nagi's expression went flat. "No." His tone left no room for question.

 _He doesn't want to go there. I-- No pushing right now. Will I ever be able to afford it? No. Not going there right now._ He lowered his eyes. "Good." He pushed a little satisfaction into the word. "I'm glad somebody's safe." _Is he going to lie now and tell me I'm safe? Do I want him to? Would I believe him?_

Nagi didn't respond verbally, merely stroked Yohji's hair.

 _Guess not. What now? Ah, well... Let him lead._

"Were you happy with Weiss, Yohji-kun?" Nagi's question sounded idle, but Yohji sensed an underlying tension.

 _What?_ He felt a sudden craving for a cigarette. _Will that ever go away?_ "Being owned sucks." _Make of that what you will..._

Nagi's hand faltered, just for a second. "I wasn't intending to ask about Kritiker. I'd be worried if you were... pleased with them at this point." He traced a circle on Yohji's cheek. "Was Weiss a good family?"

 _Was? No. Please, no._ He closed his eyes for a second. _I suppose from his point of view... He wants it to be past tense. That doesn't mean it is. Not._ "We... took... care of each other." _Give him his past tense. It's not a big concession._ "Making sure everybody ate, that nobody had to face nightmares alone." _Not that any of us wanted to share, to admit weakness._ "Tend each other's wounds. Keep each other's secrets." He sighed. _I don't think he likes hearing about the good things, so why did he ask? Somehow, I don't think lying's the way to go either._ "We drove each other crazy, too. Ken taking a little too long to shower after his coaching sessions and lecturing us on proper nutrition. Ran with his definite ideas about how things _ought_ to be. Me searching for ways to escape. Omi... Cheerful gets old after a little while. All of it got old after a while." He let exhaustion creep into his voice. _I'm not tired from talking, but he won't know that. I'm just tired from... all of it._ "What do you want, Nagi-san?" _I'll try to give it to you, even if I have to lie to do it. I'm just so damn tired..._

"I want to know about you, and they matter to you."

He thought he detected a hint of frustration in Nagi's voice. _No. Not in his voice. Or, at least, not exclusively. I'm just more... comfortable... with objective indicators. So, is he having trouble understanding me? Or is he just frustrated that I still care about the guys? Or... It could be something else, I suppose._

"Well... Ran used to hog the remote. Ken and Omi'd bicker while they played video games. Ken'd complain about how unrealistic the sports games were." _No need to say that we all knew he wasn't all that serious..._

Nagi frowned. He raised his hand as if groping for something. "You all sound very... normal, but... Who are they?"

 _I can't. I just... can't._ He looked away for a moment then forced himself to meet Nagi's eyes. "You have me." He kept his voice calm. _I accept that._ "You want them, too? I... I should be jealous." _That joke fell flat. I'm too scared to be properly mocking. Does he see that? It might be better if he does._

Nagi looked amused, but Yohji felt certain that was mostly façade. After a moment, Nagi sighed. "You'd let me do anything to you if it protected Tsukiyono. Fujimiya's opinion matters to you. God only knows why. Hidaka..." Nagi shrugged. "To understand you, I need to understand them."

 _To control me, you mean._ Yohji inhaled deeply. "If you make me give them to you, too..." _If I do that, it'll destroy me, and you've already shown me you don't want that. You can have me, but I won't give_ them _to you._ He pasted a cheerful smile across his face but let bitter humor leak into his voice. "You have a special one time chance to remake Kudoh Yohji into the man of your dreams. Don't like the sense of humor? The attitude toward authority? Taste in music?" He felt a sudden crack in his self control as his anger slipped out. "Just what the hell _do_ you want from me? Who do you want me to be?" He slapped his hands down on the bed, ignoring the pain that produced, and pushed back his emotions, trying desperately to rebuild his mask. He looked down at his hands. _Killer's hands. What's stepping further into the darkness?_ He licked his lips. "If you tell me, Nagi-san, I'll try. I'll honestly do my best."

For a moment, Nagi didn't answer. He buried his fingers in Yohji's hair, and Yohji flinched as those fingers reawakened bruises he'd almost forgotten. _He's not trying to hurt me,_ he reminded himself. _At least... I don't think so._

"You really were surrendering yesterday, weren't you?" Nagi's voice remained flat, but Yohji sensed a combination of wonder, pleasure, pride and lust.

He felt a flush of shame suffuse his face. His voice shook a little as he answered, "Yes. Yes, I was." He swallowed hard, trying to clear his mouth and throat which felt as if the words had been coated in something slimy, vile tasting.

 _You broke me. Are you happy? No, you're not entirely. Why not?_ "Isn't that what you wanted?" He flinched as he recognized the slightly plaintive note in his voice and pulled a little away from Nagi, raising a hand to his own face, trying to pretend that he wasn't shaking. "Christ, I'm whining." He hesitated then looked at Nagi. "There's not a lot of me left. I'd like to keep what I can." _I'm not making myself utterly vulnerable here. Not quite. Just almost._

"When you're better, Yohji-kun, I'll find someone to teach you shielding-- My own skill there's a little... primitive to be of use to you-- I think you'll find there's more left than you think."

 _I don't think he's certain of that. It's what he hopes, though. Strange..._ "I'll need to know the language first, I think." _Unless he wants Schuldig to--_ He shuddered and hunched in on himself.

Nagi ran a gentle hand along Yohji's back. "True. That's not too hard, fortunately."

 _Not Schuldig. Thank god._ He sighed and allowed himself to relax. "I'm not very good with languages, I'm afraid. Well, not beyond a certain point. I can ask for booze and cigarettes in about a dozen languages and proposition someone in five or six more."

"It'll be all right." Nagi pulled Yohji back, and he cooperated.

 _I could use a little cuddling..._

"Our employers have some techniques for making the process easier. I think you'll be surprised." Nagi wrapped his arms around Yohji's shoulders.

 _Just who the hell are these people? No. Don't ask now. It doesn't matter. Right now, he's all that matters, and he's not going to... hurt me... tonight. Probably not tomorrow either._ He stiffened momentarily as he forced away memories of Nagi on top of him, of Nagi holding him down, thrusting into him. _No! I can't afford that! Not right now..._ He took a deep breath and leaned back. _That hurts, too, but... Everything hurts right now. Damn Schuldig! No. Nagi's being kind because of Schuldig; I'd still be in that cell if... Hell._

"Would you like to watch a movie, Yohji-kun, or are you too tired?"

 _What?_ He blinked.

"A movie," Nagi repeated patiently. "You know-- Pictures on a screen. Sound. Hopefully a story... I've got a pretty good collection."

Yohji could sense the other man's amusement. _And something under that... What is it?_ "A movie... sounds good." _That sounded more like a question than an answer, like I don't know what he wants to hear. And I don't. I should be better at this._

"What would you like to watch? If there's something I don't own, I can order it for some other time. It shouldn't take more than a day or two to arrive." He resumed stroking Yohji's hair. "I don't even know what sort of movies you like... Your file says you'll watch whatever your date wants to see."

Yohji forced a chuckle. "Half of my damn 'dates' were Kritiker agents checking up on me. I could always tell-- They were the ones who didn't really want to be there, at least, not there with me."

Nagi made a small encouraging noise.

"They wanted to see if I'd give away anything when I was drunk or if I engaged in any babbling pillow talk." He felt his lips twist a little with bitterness. "And they were all really damned obsessive about using protection." _I made it a game-- Figuring out who was Kritiker and who wasn't, letting Omi know so he could cross check my guesses. After a while, there weren't so many of them. Guess they decided the whole thing was a waste of time._

"The doctors here say you're clean, if it's any consolation."

"I knew that." _But it's good to be sure._ He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against Nagi's chest. "I was pretty damn careful." _My life expectancy might suck, but there was no need to go courting miserably slow death._

"About that movie--" Nagi wrapped his arms around Yohji for a moment then slid sideways and off the bed. "Let's see what I've got." He walked over to a wall and pushed at some sort of catch that Yohji couldn't see. Part of the paneling slid back to reveal several shelves of DVDs.

 _I'll figure out how the catch works later. At least, now I know it's there. Yeah, and what sort of good's that going to do me? Well, at least, I'll be able to find the DVDs..._

"Anything look good?"

Yohji strained, trying to read the titles. Then he let himself slump back. _I can't tell from here._ He shrugged. _Maybe I can recognize something if I see more than the spine._

Nagi looked slightly quizzical then shrugged in return. He reached in and fiddled with something. As he drew back his hand, the shelves lifted to reveal another set of shelves which in turn moved forward.

 _How many fucking DVDs does he have? Has he even watched all of them? Any of them? Doesn't matter._ He frowned slightly as one of the cases caught his eye. _Is that-- At least, it's something. Even if it's not what I think it is, it's a movie. We won't have to talk for a while._ "How about that one?" He gestured vaguely. "Third shelf. Yeah, there."

Nagi put a finger on the case. "Do you even know what this is?" He sounded amused.

 _Um... Well, I'm guessing, but..._ "It's an old American movie, probably older than you are."

Nagi smiled and pulled the case from the shelf. "The Blues Brothers. Never watched this one. Good?" He raised an inquiring eyebrow.

Yohji sighed in relief. _I guessed right._ "You've never seen it?" He managed to inject a note of incredulity into his voice. _Guess he hasn't watched all of them._

Nagi's smile broadened. "A gap in my education? I'm sure we can remedy that. Is there anything you particularly like to snack on while watching a movie?"

"Do you have any senbei? Oranges are good, too." He forced himself to answer calmly.

Nagi nodded and smiled encouragingly. "I've got pocky and chips, too. Whatever you'd like."

 _Why do you care, Nagi-san? You're trying too hard. Oh. Fuck._ He leaned back and closed his eyes. _He's_ courting _me. Great. What's next? Flowers? How do I deal with this? Calmly. It's an advantage. I can use it. I can play it, make him... make him love me._ He shivered just a little. _But I'm already close to the abyss. He's the center of my universe now, and that could be... I could love him. I-- Would that be so awful?_

********'  
As the second movie ended, Nagi found himself yawning and stealing glances at Yohji. _He's tired. He's got to be. Why won't he just relax?_ Yohji kept his eyes focused on the TV, apparently absorbed in the credits. _Which he isn't. He's tense as hell. I'd try to massage that out, but till the bruises heal..._ "Yohji-kun--"

Yohji turned to look but didn't answer.

For a split second, Nagi wasn't sure exactly what to say. _Too many possibilities... Keep it simple. Don't let it sound like criticism; he's not dealing with that well right now._ "You need sleep to heal."

Yohji nodded but didn't speak. His eyes looked wary.

 _No, it's not a trap, Yohji-kun._ "You don't want to sleep, do you?"

Yohji's eyes widened briefly in an almost flinch. Then he shook his head. "He's going to be there when I close my eyes."

Nagi sighed. "I understand." _I really do. I've been there._ He reached out and touched the side of Yohji's face. _Carefully. He's very fragile right now._ He splayed his fingers, making only the slightest contact. "I used to have nightmares, too. I'll be here to help you through." _If you'll accept the help. But why the hell should you? Just because I'm all you've got..._ He felt Yohji freeze under his hand. _All you've got can be-- has to be-- enough, no matter what it is._

Yohji lowered his eyelids and looked up at Nagi through a veil of eyelashes. "Thank you, Nagi-san." The words came out with carefully neutral courtesy, and Nagi felt a brief clenching in his belly. "I-- I should probably get ready to sleep."

 _But you won't sleep like this, will you?_ Nagi refused to look at his own reaction to Yohji's attitude. "If I get you to the bathroom, will you need additional help?" _I'd like to give it._ Nagi looked away. _What the hell do I want here? This could be an opportunity to get used to him._

"I..." Yohji hesitated. "I think I'll be able to manage."

 _But you're not sure, are you? You just want the privacy. I don't think he even realizes how he's trying to play me here. Just as well-- If he were trying, he might succeed._

Nagi heard just the slightest tremor in Yohji's voice as he spoke again. "Might I... I've been wearing these pants since I got here..."

 _I can give him that._ Nagi suppressed a smile. _Can't let him see that; it'd be patronizing. But it's a good sign that he can ask._ "I think I've got another pair around here somewhere. Tomorrow, I should have something a little closer to your size." Nagi rose and went to rummage in a drawer. _In here somewhere..._

"Thank you." Yohji seemed almost to choke over the words.

 _I suppose it is a turning point._ Nagi turned back to smile at Yohji. _See, I told you things could be better. Just keep cooperating..._ "You should be up to a bath tomorrow." _You'd like that, wouldn't you? Not to mention that getting you cleaned up will be an improvement from my point of view. Antiseptic and bed sweat... I'll have to make sure we've got all your toiletries._

Yohji sighed and slumped back against the pillows. "That would be wonderful."

 _Creature comforts. I can give you those easily. And take them away just as easily. We both know that._ "Ah, here we go." Nagi's fingers closed around the pair of sweatpants he'd been seeking. "I'll get you to the toilet now." _Should I touch him or just use my power? Fuck it. I_ want _to touch him._ Nagi returned to the bed and tossed the clothing to Yohji. "Can you move this way on your own?"

Yohji hesitated then nodded firmly. He inched toward the edge of the bed, pausing from time to time as he miscalculated and caused himself a sudden spike of pain. He bit his lip as he shifted to let his legs slip over the edge of the mattress.

 _He really hates physical helplessness, doesn't he?_ A sudden surge of sympathy startled Nagi. "You'll be better soon enough, Yohji-kun. Then we can start sparring again."

Yohji looked up, apparently startled. Then a grin flickered briefly across his face. "Good to know you're looking forward to it."

"Does that surprise you?" Nagi put a shoulder under one of Yohji's arms and got the older man to his feet.

"Not so much anymore," Yohji admitted. "You have a strange sense of humor."

 _No stranger than yours._ "You should be glad of it."

Yohji leaned heavily on Nagi. "I am. I really am. It... helps."

He masked a surge of triumph. _There_ is _something you like about me!_ "You're still going to have an awful time falling asleep, aren't you?" _Should I even ask you? I wish... No point in that, but I do wish. I want you to be comfortable with me. I do need to ask-- If I just drug you, you'll expect it every time I give you anything._ "If I give you something to help you sleep, will you take it?"

The arm across Nagi's shoulders tightened briefly. "I..."

"You don't have to decide yet. Just think about it." Nagi maneuvered carefully to get Yohji through the door. "There. You remember how everything works?"

Yohji nodded, pulling away from Nagi.

"I'm going to leave the door open so that I can hear if you call. I'll be in the kitchen." _Hopefully far enough away for you to relax a little._ Nagi paused for a moment to reassure himself that Yohji really was going to be able to remain upright. _Hot chocolate, I think. That should be soothing._

******'  
Yohji curled on his side, facing the wall. Part of him wanted to press against the wall, pulling as far away from Nagi as possible while part of him craved the security offered by Nagi's embrace. _Not like there's a real choice. Maybe if I let him know how much it hurts..._

Nagi still sat on the other side of the bed, sipping his hot chocolate. "You should consider drinking what I prepared for you, Yohji-kun. It'll relax you, and the chocolate's top quality."

"No more drugs, please." He didn't even turn to look. _If you want to make me, I can't stop you, but..._

"I don't think coercing you will make you relax," Nagi responded with conscious irony. "I'd prefer that you relax without... chemical assistance, but I don't think it's going to happen."

 _No, I think you're right._ "I don't care." He frowned at the hint of petulance in his voice.

"All right, but I think you're cutting off your nose to spite your face." Nagi sounded for all the world as if it didn't matter, but Yohji was certain that the younger man was worried.

 _Guess I am, but..._ He turned his face toward the mattress. _Hell. Just drink the damn stuff. It'll make him happy, and you'll have a reasonable night's sleep. You may even forget he's there. And... He's letting it be a choice. I've got to encourage that._

He rolled onto his back and groaned as his body protested.

"There are easier ways to do that."

 _Yeah, but they all require asking you for help._ He stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. Rolling onto his side to face Nagi proved easier than he'd expected. _Oh. He helped, didn't he?_ "Help me sit up?" _I didn't mean that to be a question._ He sighed. _At least, he's wearing pajamas. I don't think I could deal with him naked. But who'd have thought he'd wear plaid flannel?_

"Of course." Nagi set his mug down and reached to offer his hands to Yohji. "What helps most?"

 _That pleased him. He_ wants _to take care of me._ Yohji grasped Nagi's hands. "Just pull up, please. There." _Progress, I guess. He let me put my hands on him. I didn't think he would. Hell, it's not like I'm a threat now, but I wasn't ever before. His hands... Very fine boned... And very strong._ He released Nagi's hands. "Do you work out?"

Nagi smiled over the top of his mug. "Of course. Using a power like mine depends on strength of will and strength of body both."

"Oh." He wasn't certain what to say. _Why did I even ask? Why did he answer? Doesn't matter. My mind's running in circles._ "I'll drink the damn sedative, Nagi-san."

Nagi's smile broadened then vanished. He nodded. "Good. I think you'll feel better in the morning." He set his mug down again and picked up the mug he'd offered to Yohji earlier. "Here."

Yohji accepted it carefully. _Don't spill. Heavier than I thought it'd be. Still warm..._ He sniffed at the steam, searching for any trace of the drug. _Just chocolate and cinnamon. So harmless._ He hesitated. "Why did you tell me? I might not have guessed."

Nagi folded his hands in his lap. "You'd have guessed eventually. I'd rather not lie to you right now." He shrugged. "Go on and drink. It's no good cold."

 _Right now? Does that mean you'll do it other times? Of course, you will._ Yohji sipped cautiously, trying to gauge the danger of scalding his tongue. _Sweet._ He let the liquid sit in his mouth for a moment then swallowed. _Not too hot. I can get through this quickly, before I think too much. Pity, though. I'd like to enjoy it._ He felt Nagi regarding him intently and had to fight the urge to respond. _Let him do what he wants, Kudoh. He's still damned dangerous. You're making progress, but..._ He wrapped his hands around the mug and drank quickly. His stomach churned a little. _Psychosomatic. Has to be. I didn't taste anything that would set me off like that._

"Carefully, Yohji-kun. You don't want to choke."

He took a quick breath then responded, "I'm fine." He offered the mug to Nagi. "I'm done."

Nagi accepted the mug with a small nod. "Then you should probably lie down again. I'll just take the cups to the kitchen and turn off the lights. I won't be long."

Yohji slowly maneuvered himself back toward the wall as Nagi left the room. _He's being very kind now, giving me all the things he took away before. What does he want? Owning me seems too simple. Don't think about it tonight._ He sighed and curled in on himself again. _I actually miss that damn stuffed cat. What happened to it? Never mind. Maybe I can be asleep before he gets back._

A few minutes later, Nagi returned. Yohji tensed as the other man climbed into bed but forced himself to relax. Nagi curved his body along Yohji's back, pressing close.

 _Don't. Please..._

"Relax. Sleep," Nagi whispered. "I'll keep everything away." He draped an arm over Yohji's waist.

 _That's what I'm afraid of._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Thanks to Retsuko for her suggestions regarding movie watching munchies (I thought that popcorn would simply be too American). Here's what she told me:   
> _The snack items I would suggest are rice crackers (senbei), Pocky (long twig-like cookies), and mandarin oranges (mikan) although these last ones depend on the season; they're a winter fruit and considered to be very healthy. There is also an infinite selection of bizarrely-flavoured chips (curry, shrimp, etc.)_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Yochan, Hope of Dawn and Tritorella for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Omi stared at the television screen. Currently, the power was off, so all he saw was blackness. But that wasn't what he saw... Scenes from the tapes kept replaying themselves on the backs of his eyelids-- Yohji eating rice from Naoe's hand. Naoe arched over Yohji's body at the moment of orgasm. Yohji hanging, pinned against the wall by Naoe's power. Yohji curled up on the floor afterward, his body shaking. Yohji crying in Naoe's arms. Omi rubbed his eyes. _Worse than I expected, but..._

 _I should go back to bed._ Instead, Omi sat and listened. Ran had retreated to his practice room as soon as the second tape ended, turning off the TV without even bothering to rewind the tape or remove it from the VCR. _Or say a single word to me. It may be a while before he forgives me for making him watch._

 _It may be a long time before I forgive myself for it._

He waited, hoping that his sister would say something, offer some comfort, but she had gone silent in the middle of the first tape. She'd continued to watch. He'd felt her tremble and had known that she was crying. His own eyes had stayed dry. _And now she's curled up, trying to pretend she didn't see._

 _I really should go back to bed._ But he continued sitting, staring at the darkened screen. Yohji throwing up. Naoe spooning soup into Yohji's mouth. Naoe walking around Yohji, inspecting him. _It's all for me. Ran said. Naoe said. Even... Yohji said. All to protect me!_ His hands clenched slowly, nails digging into his flesh. His stomach tightened. He felt as if he had barbed wire threaded through and wrapped around his intestines. _That's why Ran didn't want us to eat... before..._ His shoulders shook. _I... I can't do this. Not now. No._ He looked around the room but found no distraction.

Yohji reaching orgasm under Naoe's power... _No!_ Omi twisted his consciousness and dived into the computer, leaving body and guilt behind.

*****'  
Ken did his best to lose himself in the action on the screen. "No! Idiot! Pass. Don't show off--"

The door to his room slammed open, banging hard against the wall. Ken sat up. _What the hell--_ He blinked once as an angry looking young man strode in. _Shit. And me still chained to the bed._ Ken started to throw back his blankets then, thinking the better of it, gripped the upper edge and tugged sharply. The blankets protested, hesitated and came untucked. _Not a lot of weapons to hand, but a blanket over the head will slow him down._

The newcomer stopped about a meter away and stood glaring at Ken.

Ken glared back. _What do you want?_ He sized up his opposition. _Physically tough, certainly, but I can take him. Well... I could take him. If I weren't chained. If I didn't have unhealed broken bones. He looks familiar. Ah, Naoe._ Ken sighed in frustration as a cheer from the TV told him that somebody'd managed a spectacular play. "Why couldn't you wait for half time?"

Naoe blinked.

 _Unexpected attack._ Ken let his teeth show in a smile and was pleased to see Naoe frown. _Yeah. It's not a friendly smile. I scored a point._ "So what the hell do you want?"

Naoe narrowed his eyes and moved in closer.

Ken tensed, trying to figure out the best defensive moves. _I'd go offensive, but I'm a little handicapped._

The chair that Crawford always used shifted a little, moving back from the side of Ken's bed and turning so that its back was to the door. Naoe sat without taking his eyes off of Ken. "We have a few things to discuss."

 _He's acting like I'm dangerous. I suppose for a punk kid like him..._ Ken reached over and pushed the appropriate buttons to pause playback of the game. _If I were watching live, I_ would _have to kill him._ "I can't think of anything I have to say to you."

Naoe smiled.

 _Oops. Point for him._

"Crawford gave me the impression that you want a favor from me."

"Right." Ken looked dubious. "What the hell could a kid like you do for me?" _Unlocking the chains would be great, but somehow I don't think so._

"Well, if you don't want to see Kudoh, I can just leave." Naoe started to get up.

 _Hell._ Ken went still. "I won't cooperate unless I see all of them." _Wait. Doesn't he work_ for _Crawford?_

Naoe settled in the chair again. He waved a dismissive hand. "The other two are Crawford's concern, but if you want to see Kudoh, you have to deal with me."

"So? It's a simple request."

"Simple? Yes, I suppose so." Naoe leaned back in his chair, keeping his eyes fixed on Ken. "Simple to make at least. But... Tell me why you think I should say yes."

"I'm not going to argue it with you. I've given Crawford my terms for what he wants." Ken looked up at the TV. "If you're done wasting my time, I've got a game to watch."

"Why do you want to see Kudoh?" There was a demanding intensity in Naoe's tone that drew Ken's attention.

Ken looked Naoe up and down, letting a certain degree of hostility leak out. "If you don't know, I sure as hell can't explain it to you."

"Try."

"Why the hell should I? Are you going to kill me if I don't? Go for it." Ken lifted his chin as if daring Naoe to move, then leveled a glare at his visitor. "Or are you just going to beat the shit out of me? Been there, done that. You don't kill me, I'll heal. I've even got those stupid little medical robots now, so I'll heal real fast."

Naoe's face set in an expression of uncompromising obstinacy. "Explain it to me." He shifted to lean forward a little bit. "Crawford's asked that I humor you, so I probably will, but it'll be on _my_ terms. I don't have to let you into the same room with him to let you see him, and even if I do, there's no reason he has to be conscious."

Ken stared at Nagi for a moment then shrugged. "We're on the same team, him and me. You _do_ understand about teams?" He let the tone of the question slide towards the insulting.

Naoe stood. "Oh, yes, I understand about teams. Quite well, actually. My team's won, and yours has lost. Congratulations."

Ken narrowed his eyes. "Not all the players have made their final moves yet. Don't count us out till we're dead." _I might still win. Hm. If you're playing on your own, you might actually be more competition than Crawford. That's okay. I've got more experience. I can take you. Amateur._ He curled his lip in just the slightest trace of a sneer.

Naoe leaned in closer. "Kudoh's _mine_. Whatever the hell Crawford thinks you can do for him--" He waved a dismissive hand. "I don't care. And--" Nagi's voice lowered to a near hiss. "If you cause me trouble, I _will_ retaliate." His fingers curled around the back of the chair, and his knuckles whitened from the pressure he applied.

 _What the fuck is his problem?_ Ken smiled warmly, well aware that nothing else he could do would piss Naoe off nearly as much. He made a flicking motion with the fingers of one hand. "Been there, done that," he said softly. _Do you really think you can face me down like this? I've faced tougher than you at friendly practice sessions. Amateur._

Naoe seemed to make a conscious decision to relax. He straightened and removed his hand from the chair. He tilted his head slightly to one side. "Do you even like Kudoh? Or is he just someone who's been useful and might be again?"

"Hey, why ask me? I'm just the goalie; I don't make plans or policy."

Naoe paused for a moment as if considering Ken's words then nodded slightly, narrowing his eyes slightly as if in thought.

 _I just gave him something. What? Shit. He's shifted the ground. That sort of thing's more Yohji's game... or Omi's._ Ken bared his teeth a little. _Okay, Naoe, you got one past me. Not going to happen again._

"Do you even like him?" Nagi asked again. He leaned on the back of the chair and regarded Ken with a serious expression.

"Yohji?" _Damn. I suck at lying._ "He... he smokes too much. He drinks too much. He eats crap." _What are you after so I can keep you from getting it...?_

"Does he practice safe sex?"

Ken gaped at Naoe but, after a moment, pulled his expression together. "How the hell should I know? He's stupid about everything else with his body." He knew that his eyes probably revealed his evasion. _I know because Omi'd skin him if he were that dumb. They had enough fights over the smoking and drinking._

Naoe nodded as if he'd expected that answer. "You noted his other bad habits, and they bother you." He sat down again.

"That wasn't a question." Ken forced himself not to look away. _I'm not giving ground to you._

"No, it wasn't. I didn't think it needed to be." Naoe paused and gave Ken an inquisitive look. "Unless you have something to add?"

 _And he's mostly good at showing me what he wants to. Mostly..._ Ken let one side of his mouth quirk upward. "Is there more you want to know? I'm not going anywhere right now." He gestured toward the chains. "You have the advantage." _And you damn well need it._ He did his best to convey his thought with his posture and expression. _Punk kid. Think you're ready for the big league?_

Naoe shifted uneasily in his chair then sat up straight and smiled. "I'd have the advantage even if you weren't restrained. I could just call in a telepath and dig those answers out." He leaned forward. "I have enough pull to get someone good. Not Schuldig-- He might damage that delicate brain of yours-- That's really all Crawford cares about anyway."

 _Ooh. Overkill. I'm so scared._ Ken snorted his derision. "If it were that simple, you wouldn't bother talking to me." _And if all Crawford was interested in was my brain, he wouldn't bother about my broken bones. Why the hell_ is _he bothering?_

"Actually, it's too simple to trouble someone else. You're not really that complicated." Naoe waved a dismissive hand. "You're not capable of being a threat."

 _That's not what you think or you wouldn't have to say it. Point for me._ "If all your questions have been answered," Ken replied, "you can get the hell out of here and let me watch my game." _That would be nice._

Naoe looked Ken up and down, his eyes lingering on the obvious remnants of Ken's injuries. "You've given me some new questions to think about. What a pity it's unlikely we'll have the opportunity for any deep intellectual conversations."

Ken met Naoe's eyes and held the gaze. _Don't count me down until you're sure, brat. Assumptions cost you. Want me to shake in fear, do you? Not a chance._ "I don't do deep intellectual. I've got better things to do with my time-- Like counting the speckles on the ceiling." He waved his hand, deliberately making the chains clatter. "You go ahead and start without me. I'm sure you can carry both sides of the conversation." He leaned back against his pillows and raised the remote. "Or are you going to threaten me again?"

"Oh, I'll let you see Kudoh." Naoe's eyes narrowed. "I'll even let you talk to him. Just remember, though, that he's mine. I won't let anyone take him away. Be very careful, Hidaka-san-- Insanity does not preclude misery."

Ken stared at the doorway for a few minutes after Naoe left. _He's right, damn it._ He forced himself to look at the television screen and pushed the button on the remote. _I'll just have to pull this off. No room for mistakes. No room for weakness. No room for distraction._

*******'  
Ouka might have continued looking inward if she hadn't felt her-- Omi's-- body lifted from the chair in which it rested. She stiffened reflexively, and the fact that the body responded told her that her brother was absent. _He ran away. He couldn't face it either._

"Omi--" Ran's voice held both frustration and affection. "I thought you didn't want to risk being found out of bed." He pulled Ouka in close to his chest. "Sorry to wake you. Though how you could sleep after watching _that_..."

 _I must be rattled. I know better than to respond. But he knows I'm awake now._ "I wasn't sleeping," Ouka responded, trying to capture Omi's inflections. "I was thinking." _Yeah, and I'd better think fast now. With my luck, he's going to want to talk now, and I don't understand him the way nii-san does._ "I _can_ walk, you know."

Ran shrugged, and she felt the muscles of his chest move against her-- Omi's-- arm. Then he swung her down to her feet. She stumbled a little and grabbed at him for balance. He steadied her then stepped back. He regarded her steadily. "Thinking?" She thought she saw traces of anger in his expression.

 _But it's a lot less than it was. The workout must have helped. He's going to ask what my conclusion are now, isn't he?_ She blinked, realizing that she'd been staring at him for just a little too long. She sighed. "Nothing good, Ran-kun." She turned and started walking back to her-- Omi's-- bedroom.

She heard Ran following her. _Great. He does want to talk._ She decided to take the offensive. "I was imagining worse. Much worse." She sighed and straightened her shoulders. _What would nii-san say?_ "It shouldn't have happened at all. If I'd just paid closer attention to what Kritiker was planning..." _Then what? There wasn't anywhere to run._

Ran settled himself in the chair as Ouka moved carefully toward the bed. "Were there signs from Kritiker?"

Ouka used climbing into bed to cover her hesitation. "Nothing obvious." She went over the details in her head. _I wasn't paying enough attention to what nii-san was paying attention to. Let's see..._ "Well, there were rumors of new alliances, of a new big player. I couldn't get anything solid, certainly nothing that hinted at-- This." She waved a hand around in a vaguely all encompassing gesture. "It was more like... Remember when Kritiker merged with that group out of Singapore? Like that but bigger." She snorted derisively. "Something to give them-- us--" She shrugged. "Them more reach, more resources." The irony appealed to her. "And it does, doesn't it?" She shook her head.

Ran did not look amused.

 _Well, he wouldn't, would he?_ She leaned back against the pillows and sighed. "Ran-kun, I'm sorry we had to watch that, but we _had_ to. I needed the data." _Do I sound like nii-san? Who cares? Nii-san's the one that ran away and left me._ He _can explain it if Ran-kun starts asking questions._ "And what I was imagining was worse..."

"Hn." Ran didn't sound entirely convinced.

"Once we get out of here--" _Don't admit that we might not. Nii-san wouldn't._ "I'm going to have to know if I'm going to help him recover, and... It affects our plans for escape. As it is... We still have a gap in our intelligence. I-- we-- don't know how damaged Yohji-kun is now." She twisted her hands in the sheets. "They were drugging him. I'm sure of that."

Ran frowned and shook his head slightly. Then he stilled for a moment. "What makes you think so?"

Ouka sighed. "He was too slow, made some stupid mistakes, and he over-reacted, was too emotional. Some of that was probably deliberate, trying to deceive Nagi, but some of it..."

"Nagi?" Sudden anger froze Ran's expression. "Since when are we on intimate terms with _Naoe_?"

 _Moron._ "Yohji-kun thinks of him as Nagi," she explained carefully. "Whether we want to be or not, we're entangled with him. Yohji-kun is. By now... By the time we get out, he'll probably be quite dependent. We can't pretend he isn't or demand that it not be true." _So help me, if you upset Yohji on this, I will kill you. I don't care what nii-san says. I don't think we need you that badly._

Ran shrugged. "So we kill Naoe. That'll take care of it." He stood and started pacing. "Killing him will be a pleasure."

"No." Ouka heard ice in her voice. "He's not yours to kill. Under no circumstances. Whether he dies or not is up to _Yohji_. Not you. Not me. Not-- Only Yohji."

Ran stopped and stared at her. "Omi?"

 _Oops..._

*****'  
 _Okay, Naoe's got home turf advantage. On top of everything else. Bet he decides how long I stay, too. As if I weren't already playing with a handicap._ Ken looked down at his lap, carefully hiding his sour expression. He couldn't quite ignore the chair moving under him or-- _My damn leg. Everything else is healing fine. Why the hell? I did not 'strain it excessively!' I don't care what the damn doctors say._ He sighed. _Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have kept trying to walk on it._ He closed his eyes for a moment. _At least, I persuaded them to hold off on the surgery until after I talk to the guys._

The chair shuddered and jumped a little as it passed over some invisible imperfection in the floor of the corridor, and the nurse pushing it murmured a soft apology in Taisken.

He didn't bother to respond. _Compliment in a way, giving me an unpowered chair. Hints at thinking I could actually do something if mobile._ He glanced quickly to either side, taking another opportunity to size up his guards. _Tough but not impossible, especially when they're not supposed to kill me. Assuming I could stand... Even that wouldn't matter if I had, say, a handful of Omi's darts._

A sudden turn interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and found himself facing a closed door. The nurse stepped around his chair and pressed her hand against a colored spot on the wall. The door slid open silently, and she quickly pushed Ken's chair through. The guards remained outside.

He looked around quickly, trying to size up the room without surrendering the initiative, but before he'd gotten more than a general impression of a comfortable and definitely earth-like, in a rather Western style, living area, he found his attention riveted. Naoe sat on one end of dark blue couch. Yohji lay across the rest of it with his eyes closed and his head in Naoe's lap.

Naoe met Ken's eyes and smiled. Naoe's fingers moved lazily, possessively through Yohji's hair.

Ken's eyes narrowed. _Thinks he's already won. He's definitely scored points._ He didn't bother to turn as the nurse murmured a polite greeting and backed out of the room. _She doesn't matter here, now._

Naoe's hand stilled. "Yohji-kun, I have a surprise for you--"

Yohji's eyes opened slowly then suddenly flew wide as he spotted Ken. Yohji went white and struggled to sit up. Naoe flattened his hand against the side of Yohji's head and pushed him back down, holding him in place.

 _He didn't expect me, doesn't want to see me._ Ken's chest seemed to tighten. _I'm not welcome--_ Yohji's sudden movement shifted the baggy sweatshirt he was wearing and revealed a fading collar of bruises. Ken's head jerked slightly as he started cataloging details. _He's fucking skeletal. Given the nanites, those bruises can't be more than a couple of days old-- What else is that shirt hiding?_ He clenched his hands on the arms of his chair, looked at Naoe and gave an inarticulate snarl.

Yohji went utterly still. "Please--" His plea was barely audible.

Ken pushed himself up, preparing to lever himself out of the chair onto his good leg. _Using the bad one won't hurt too much-- Just once. That's all it'll take to get my hands around that bastard's throat._ He growled low in his throat.

An unexpected force slammed Ken back into his chair.

"Relax," Naoe said to Yohji. "You're still in bad shape."

Yohji craned his neck to look up at Naoe. "Please, Nagi-san."

Ken pushed hard against Naoe's power, trying desperately to free himself. _Damn it! Let me at him--_

Nagi barely spared a glance for Ken. "It matters that much to you, Yohji-kun?"

"Yes." Yohji's voice remained steady, but he spoke in a near whisper. He squeezed his eyes closed just for a second. "Please, let me up."

Ken clenched his jaw and struggled for words. The edges of his vision narrowed down so that all he could see was Yohji... and Naoe.

Naoe hesitated for a moment as if considering. "Very well." He used both hands to lift Yohji into a sitting position, pulling him close so that their thighs touched.

"Bastard--" Ken spat the word at Naoe. "What the hell have you done to him? Those fucking bruises--" He clenched his fists, almost feeling the solid grip of his claws.

"Ken! Ken, no--" Yohji twisted his hair between his fingers. "Ken, please calm down."

Behind Yohji, Naoe smiled, letting smugness show obviously.

Ken snarled and reached toward Naoe. _If I can just get my hands on him--_

"Ken--" Yohji's tone became more urgent. "It was-- The bruises-- Schuldig... hurt me. Nagi-san... rescued me. Really."

Ken hesitated. _Something's wrong. Very wrong._ He flattened his expression and looked sharply at Yohji. _I_ am _supposed to trust my instincts... Where's his confidence? Yohji doesn't play to lose. Not normally._ "Shut up, Yohji." Ken tried and failed to gentle his voice. "You've got nothing to say as long as that smug son of a bitch is sitting next to you." Ken focused his attention on Naoe. "Well?" _Why shouldn't I kill you? I doubt you've got a reason._

Naoe shrugged. "I'm sure Yohji-kun can speak for himself."

"I'm not asking _him_." Ken caught Naoe's eyes and held the glare.

"You're the one who demanded to speak to him."

Ken nodded slightly. _Denying it won't win me any points._ "I don't recall including you in the terms."

"You didn't expect to set all the terms, did you?" Naoe gave Ken an ironic smile and reached over to run his hand down Yohji's back.

 _Keep your temper, Hidaka. He's trying to get you angry so he can slip one past you._ "That doesn't make me happy to accept them." He looked again at Yohji, wishing he were better at reading people. _If our positions were reversed, he'd have a damned good idea what was going on. He's still, not objecting but... Not flirting either. I don't get it. No._ He shook his head minutely. _Don't look at Yohji. Look at Naoe._

Naoe put a hand on Yohji's shoulder and squeezed. Yohji's shoulder twitched slightly, but he didn't react otherwise.

 _Possessive. Like Yohji's something valuable, something I should envy Naoe for... owning._ Ken's jaw clenched. _I've seen this before. Some of our targets with their pretty ladies-- Oh. Fuck. That's what the son of a bitch meant when he kept saying Yohji was his._ "Yohji--" _Tell me I'm wrong. Please._ He glared briefly at Naoe before focusing his attention fully on Yohji. Ken flicked his fingers briefly. **Backup?** _If we coordinate, we can probably kill him, even with my bum leg. Hell,_ Yohji _ought to be able to take him. Naoe's not guarding against Yohji at all._ Ken frowned at Yohji. _Why haven't you killed him?_

Yohji didn't respond for a moment. Then his eyes met Ken's briefly. He shook his head once, almost imperceptibly, then raised a hand to place his fingers lightly on Naoe's hand. "I'm fine, Ken." His voice was soft, almost flat, and his smile seemed forced. He lowered his hand to his lap.

 _Bullshit._ "Even I'm not that dumb." Ken couldn't keep a certain bitterness out of his tone. _But everybody always assumes I am. You'd think that'd change over the years._ "You're not here by choice."

Yohji's expression sharpened briefly. "I do swing both ways, Ken, and he's not... unattractive."

 _Careful. Yohji's not the opposition here. Naoe..._ Ken spared a brief glance at Naoe. _Yes. This is what we're fighting about. How can I shake him? Ah, yes._ "He's too young for you, Yohji. Is he even 18?"

Naoe stiffened slightly.

 _Yes! A hit._ Ken carefully concealed his triumph.

Yohji shrugged slightly and didn't answer. One of his hands crept to his hip, patting as if in search of a pocket. After a second, he snatched it back to his lap and wrapped his fingers tightly around his other hand.

 _That has to hurt._

"I'm old enough," Naoe stated.

"Really?" Ken let his tone emphasize how much he really didn't care. "You don't look it." _That's right. You're a kid, an upstart puppy. You can't challenge_ me _. I don't have to take you seriously._ He looked Naoe directly in the eyes and smiled. _I was playing these games before you started shaving._

Naoe smiled slightly in return, baring his teeth. "Your opinion isn't the one that matters here." He tugged on Yohji's shoulder. His face remaining blank, Yohji leaned back against Naoe and sighed.

 _He's not comfortable, is he? Naoe can't see his face right now, but... everything else..._ Ken kept his own face equally blank.

After a moment, Yohji half closed his eyes. He regarded Ken with a lazy half-smile, Kudoh the self-satisfied hedonist.

Ken couldn't quite keep his eyes from widening. _He doesn't mean that! He fucking_ can't _mean that! Not with the enemy! Not after how they've obviously treated him-- No, he never means it when he looks like that, but there must be a reason._ He narrowed his eyes again. _What's Yohji getting out of it? I don't think he enjoys being hurt. Or is he just making the best deal he can without the rest of us? Crawford said Yohji was different from Ran or Omi. Maybe... God knows how long Naoe's been working on him. Fucking Stockholm syndrome._

"I'm glad you're so sure of yourself." Ken inclined his head slightly trying to look unimpressed. "They say building self-confidence is an important part of growing up." _Yohji wouldn't make a deal without the rest of us, would he? No. I know him better than that. But I've thought that before--_ Ken shook his head slightly, trying to dislodge the doubts building there. _Stockholm syndrome. Got to be._

Yohji turned his head away and stared at the wall.

"So how is your leg today, Hidaka-san?" Naoe's tone seemed innocent.

 _Too innocent._ Ken glared at Naoe. "Still broken. Still not healing right. They'll operate tomorrow." He tried to split his attention to keep track of Yohji's reactions, but Ken's mind, honed by years of competition, focused on Naoe as the only other real player.

"Operate?" Naoe tangled his fingers in Yohji's hair. "That sounds bad, but I suppose," he said idly, "that the nanites can't work all the time." His fingers traced the curves of Yohji's ear.

 _Fake. He's after some damn thing. Why can't I see it?_ "The doctors say that it happens sometimes." Ken just managed not to spit the words. "Broken bones are tricky if they need setting because the nanites can't do that. Of course--" _What does he want?_

"Of course?" Naoe raised his eyebrows.

 _Damn. I've lost the advantage. It's his ball now._ Ken shrugged. "The bone'd been set already, pretty damn carefully." He bared his teeth. "For some reason, Crawford cares." _Did Yohji twitch? He doesn't look like he's listening. Of course, this is Yohji._

Yohji closed his eyes and seemed to sag against Naoe. Yohji's jaw slackened a little, and his hands relaxed their grip on each other.

Ken blinked. _Artful, but I've watched you at work before, Yohji._ He wasn't sure if he was more annoyed or admiring. _But it's not really believable here. Not unless Naoe's stupid, and I don't think he is. Yohji's not normally that... clumsy._

Naoe nudged Yohji. "Hidaka-san made a special trip to see you, Yohji-kun, even though he's not feeling well. The least you can do is stay awake." He sounded amused, as if Yohji were a child doing something naughty that only child might expect to get away with.

Yohji gave a shuddering sigh and opened his eyes. He looked at Ken. "Thank you for stopping by." His voice remained flat, just barely above a whisper.

 _Is he hurting? Well, obviously he is physically, but--_ Ken forced a certain gentleness into his words. "I just wanted to see how you're doing." _And I can't fucking tell..._

"I'm fine, Ken." Yohji sounded both weary and annoyed.

Ken frowned then made his face as serene as he could. "I'm glad to hear that." _And I might believe it if you didn't sound so much like you always do after a nightmare. You just don't want to talk about it. You never want to talk about it. Hell, Yohji, what do you think buddies are for? At least, Ran admits there's shit he's not talking about; you always pretend nothing's wrong._

"Well, now you know." Yohji looked away again.

 _He's pulling away again. Fuck. He's got about as much life as he did right after he killed Neu. Or is that an act?_ "Yohji..." Ken shook his head, unsure what to say next. He cleared his throat. "Have you talked to any of the others?" _What am I supposed to talk to him about?_ Ken looked at Naoe, willing him to leave. _Sadly, that's not my psychic power._

Naoe met Ken's eyes and showed no sign of moving. _What the hell is he thinking? He set up the playing field, so he must know the rules._

Yohji didn't respond to Ken's words until Naoe nudged him again. Yohji twitched then shook his head. He looked at his hands. "That... hasn't been allowed."

"The other two are Crawford's," Naoe said, as if that explained everything.

Ken snarled, his frustration coalescing into anger at Naoe. "Stop talking like people are fucking _things_!" He clenched his hands into fists. _Stop talking like my friends are just game pieces--_

Yohji flinched, pulling briefly away from Naoe. Yohji froze suddenly and a look of almost panic flashed across his face. After a moment, he sighed and leaned back again.

 _What the hell was that?_

"There's no reason to get so upset." Naoe sounded amused. "It's not as if you didn't already know that." He wrapped an arm around Yohji's torso, pulling him in close.

Ken couldn't quite suppress another snarl, and he wasn't sure if it was prompted by Naoe's words, Naoe's action or Yohji's acceptance of both. _Whose side is he on?_ "You're asking me to act like I _like_ it."

Yohji met Ken's eyes. "The situation is what it is."

"That's crap, Yohji! Fucking defeatist crap." _You can't win if you act like you've already lost!_ Ken clenched his hands, gauging the distance between himself and Yohji. _If I could get over there, I'd beat some fucking sense into you, Kudoh!_

Yohji shrank back under Ken's gaze, and Naoe tightened his arm around Yohji's chest. "Don't worry, Yohji-kun." Naoe's tone was soothing, but his eyes widened in triumph. "Everything will be fine." He started massaging Yohji's neck and shoulders.

Ken felt his expression go flat. "Get. Your. Hands. Off. Him."

Yohji tensed slightly then relaxed under Nagi's hands. His expression didn't falter. "I'm fine where I am, Ken."

Naoe smirked.

Ken's fingers dug into the padding on the arms of his chair. The cloth covering ripped under the pressure, and he found himself with handfuls of foam.

"What, Hidaka-san? Would you rather have _your_ hands on him?" Naoe raised his eyebrows, sharp mockery in his voice.

Ken's instinctive reaction pressed his body against the back of his chair. He fought to conceal his revulsion. _I'm not giving him_ that. He sat up straight, leaned forward slightly and glared at Naoe. _The suggestion's obscene. I wouldn't do that to a teammate. Even if we both wanted to-- Which I don't, and he--_

Yohji had gone white. His face suddenly appeared even more gaunt. He huddled against Naoe as if seeking protection.

 _From me? What the hell did I do?_ "You got a problem, Kudoh?" _Stop cowering against him, Yohji. It's not like he's taking good care of you, and-- You're a_ guy _; you don't need him._ Ken found he couldn't meet Yohji's eyes. _It's not like I never thought about it, but... Too messy. I can't have sex just be sex, and anything else-- Kills the team._ Ken meet Naoe's eyes, issuing a wordless challenge. _He doesn't belong to you._

Doesn't he? Naoe's slight smile seemed to say.

 _Not if I can help it._ Their eyes remained locked.

Naoe's smile broadened. Do you want me to prove it? He mouthed the words distinctly.

Without a conscious decision, Ken flicked his eyes sideways to look at Yohji. The other man was once again groping for a non-existent pocket. He wouldn't meet Ken's eyes. Ken frowned. _What is he-- Oh. Cigarettes._ "No cancer sticks?"

Yohji's questing hand stilled. "No." He looked away. "That hasn't been allowed either." He raised his hand in front of his face and looked at it intently.

 _Just a bit of a tremor there._ Ken sighed, feeling a bit of his anger draining away. "At least, one good thing comes out of this fucking mess."

"Gee, thanks, Ken." Yohji didn't bother hiding his sarcasm.

 _That's the Yohji I know._ Ken smiled faintly. "Any time." His smile widened a little as he noticed a slight frown on Naoe's face. _Oh, yes, I know him._ We _can joke. Can_ you _do that?_

Yohji's expression went flat again. He sighed and let his head fall gently against Naoe's shoulder.

 _That's by choice._

"Give it some time, Yohji-kun. Eventually, you won't miss them anymore." Naoe shifted Yohji so that they could look each other in the face.

"Hai," Yohji responded softly.

 _Not so much agreement as acknowledgment. But for once I agree with Naoe. Except... Are they talking about cigarettes?_

Naoe laughed softly. "If you disagree with me, you might as well say so. I'm not about to let you start smoking again, but... Having your own views _is_ allowed." He lifted Yohji's chin and leaned in for a gentle looking kiss.

Yohji closed his eyes, turned his body and molded it against Naoe's.

Ken blinked. _What the hell? Why is he-- He's_ cooperating _. He_ can't _be!_ He opened his mouth but couldn't think of anything to say. _Come on, Hidaka! You look like a moron._ He managed to shut his mouth just as the other two men broke off the kiss and turned to look at him. Ken cleared his throat. _Calm. Act calm._ "You two should get a room." The humor he'd intended was somehow absent. _How can you do that, Yohji? With_ him _of all people?_

Just for a moment, a profound pain shadowed Yohji's eyes. Then he smiled. "We have a room, Ken. You chose to visit." Yohji's fingers moved quickly, carefully repeating the same signals just outside of Naoe's field of view. **Fake a fight. Attack me.**

 _How the hell am I supposed to do_ that _? I can't fucking stand up. Oh. I'm an idiot. Words. But why? Screw it. Either I trust Yohji or I don't, and god knows I'm angry enough. Of course, he ought to know I'm no fucking good at this sort of thing._ "Well, Yohji, I guess I thought you might be in trouble, might need help--" Ken spread his hands. _Shit, Yohji! I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on._ "But it looks like you've figured out how to take care of yourself," he added bitterly. "Good thing you found somebody willing to buy."

Naoe's eyes narrowed, and he opened his mouth to speak. Before Naoe could make a sound, Yohji leaned forward and snarled at Ken, "You know what, Ken? Fuck you! You got no right to say anything about my choices. None. Just get the hell out of here!" He shook with rage.

Naoe put a steadying hand on Yohji's shoulder. "I think you should leave now, Hidaka-san." His eyes glittered with malicious triumph. "Perhaps this visit was a bad idea."

 _Is he trying to keep Naoe happy? Nothing else makes sense, but..._ Ken swallowed against a sick rage. He found he couldn't look at Yohji. "Maybe it was." He curled his lips in a bitter sneer. "I thought there was something worthwhile here. Guess I was wrong." _If I could walk-- Yohji needs some sense knocked into his thick head. Damn it! What the hell is he thinking? If I stay, maybe I can do_ something _. Damned if I know what, but... Something._

"Just get out, Ken," Yohji said firmly.

Ken opened his mouth to protest then felt his chair turning under him. _Naoe's final move._ Ken slammed a fist into the arm of the chair. _Damn it! The little shit won._ Ken looked back over his shoulder as his chair rolled toward the door. He forced his jaw to relax enough to speak. _Give Yohji a little more for whatever the hell he's trying to do--_ "I really thought better of you, Yohji. I really did."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Hope of Dawn and Tritorella for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Yohji watched the door slide shut behind Ken. _He's so angry and confused. It's like a knife in my head--_ He drew a ragged breath and acknowledged silently that his own rage was the only thing keeping him from panic. He shot a quick glance at Nagi. _I can't afford to give in to either emotion right now._ He let himself slide off the couch and curled himself into the tightest ball he could manage.

 _Hurts. Hurts. Hurts._ "Did you get what you wanted out of that, Nagi-san?" The calm bitterness in his own voice startled Yohji more than a little.

"Yes, I believe so." Nagi's response sounded absent, but Yohji could feel the other man's fierce satisfaction.

 _A bit of a relief after how Ken burned..._ "I think--" Yohji fought to stop the words then suddenly surrendered. _If I'm going to survive at all, there have to be parameters._ "That was the cruelest thing you've done to me." _At least, I got Ken out of here. Nagi won't hurt him this time._

"Was it?" Again, Nagi's words sounded casual.

Yohji shuddered as he felt himself become the focus of Nagi's attention, of Nagi's concern. _Well, he damn well ought to be worried. It's just too late._ "Did you expect me to _enjoy_ the macho posturing and how you were both keeping score by slicing off pieces of me?" _Or did you even realize you were doing it? That's worse, Nagi-san._

Nagi moved to sit on the couch behind Yohji. "I thought you'd want to see him, Yohji-kun." He put a hand on Yohji's shoulder. "I know you miss them."

 _Liar-- That's not why you did it. No, be careful. He's still jealous. The fight wasn't enough._ Yohji forced himself to take a deep breath. "It's good to know he's alive, but--" _I didn't want him to see me, to know-- I don't like being reminded--_ "I can't deal with his judgmental shit right now. What I do is no business of his." _I'm a whore. I'm_ your _whore._ Yohji clenched his jaw against a surge of anger that blurred his vision for a moment. _You're so fucking clueless, Ken. What would_ you _do to survive? And what the hell did you really think you could do about this?_

Nagi began stroking Yohji's hair and neck. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Yohji stiffened. _Bullshit. And you know it, too. You're taking such pleasure in owning me._ He took another deep breath and raised his head a little. "May I ask you two questions, Nagi-san?"

Nagi's hands stilled momentarily. "If you come back up here."

Yohji lowered his head and sighed. Then, feeling weary and brittle, he unwound himself and pulled his reluctant body back onto the couch. He couldn't quite force himself to look at Nagi.

Nagi put his hands to either side of Yohji's face, turning it until their eyes met. Then Nagi ran his thumbs along the arches of Yohji's cheekbones. "What are your questions?"

 _I am owned._ Yohji swallowed hard, opened his mouth and found that nothing would come out. _God--_ "Do you _want_ to destroy me?" He couldn't manage more than a whisper, but, to his horror, the full weight of his agony seemed to come out in the words. _I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to ask that. Not really. Not--_

Nagi's eyes seemed to be searching for something in Yohji's face.

 _What do you want? I'll give it to you. Even if the answer's "yes," I'll..._ Yohji closed his eyes. _He's hesitating. He wants... many different things. Possessiveness. Challenge. Cruelty. Curiosity. Tenderness. Even... I bet that's as close to love as he comes._

Nagi pulled his hands back. "No."

 _Truth. Almost not but... True this time. You're torn, and you don't much like it. Which possibility do you like less, Nagi-san?_ Yohji released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. _I bet his hands are shaking. All of those emotions were... intense._

"You're safe enough on that count, Yohji-kun." Nagi injected a note of dry humor into the words.

 _Not really. You hesitated, Nagi-san. Part of you wants to do it, wants to know what it's like. And I bet caring about me scares the hell out of you._

"Out of curiosity," Nagi went on, "what would you have done if I said yes?"

Yohji opened his eyes and looked directly at Nagi. _Tried to see what I could get out if it, what you might pay me for the privilege. But that's not the right answer._ He smiled, letting a little of the feral animal out. "I certainly couldn't stop you, if that's what you wanted to do." He parted his lips just enough to let his teeth show. "But I think I could hurt you along the way." He sighed and let go of the momentary wildness. "It's easier to have the question settled."

Nagi laughed.

Yohji stared at him. _That's not irony. There was a sudden surge of... affection and... lust._ He barely managed to avoid a shudder. _No. Don't let him see that._

"Who'd have thought you'd be so pragmatic? That's definitely not reflected in your Kritiker dossier."

 _He expects me to share the joke. He's_ proud _of me._ Yohji managed a wan smile. _It's just not very funny. At least, he's in a good mood now._

"So, what's your other question?" Nagi's expression became more serious. "It must be a big one to come after that."

 _No, it just wouldn't matter if you'd said yes. I wouldn't bother asking then._ Yohji looked away then down at his hands. His fingers clenched over one another. _Stop that! You'll look weak._ "What am I now, Nagi-san?" He pulled back a little from Nagi. "What am I to you? I'm not your friend. I'm not your lover. Am I a toy? A pet? A slave?" _I need to know. Just what do you expect of me?_

"Technically..." Nagi's hesitation was almost imperceptible. "Legally, you're a slave."

 _Uncertainty. Embarrassment? Yes, that's it. Anger._ Yohji shuddered. _He doesn't like not being sure. I... shouldn't have asked. No, I need to know._ He worked at keeping his voice and his gaze level. "Legally, Nagi-san? There's not a nation on earth where slavery's legal." _And yes, I do know how little those laws actually mean, but..._ "I think I deserve a better answer than that." _Even if you don't want to look at what giving me an answer would mean._

Nagi took hold of Yohji's chin. "I'm not joking. The Taisken-- that's what our employers call themselves-- have their own legal code." He shrugged slightly. "I doubt they much care that no nation on earth recognizes their... code, and under that code, your status is fairly clear. At least, now, at least, here."

Yohji blinked. _What? A code?_ "Sort of like the Yakuza?" he ventured. _But he's happier going off into technicalities. Why didn't he want to answer? Because he thinks I'll spot weakness?_

"Something like that," Nagi responded, "but not exactly." His face showed a hint of a smile. "Correspondences are never that exact, are they?"

 _He wants me to let it go, to give up on the question._ Yohji bent his head forward, letting his hair fall over his face. _But... No, let it go. If I piss him off now--_ He shuddered. _Why is it weakness?_

"Yohji-kun?" Nagi's hand hovered millimeters from Yohji's head. "What is it?"

 _He really is concerned, protective even._ Yohji felt his body shake again. "I--" _What do I say? Lying's a bad idea, but..._ "I just keep getting hit by how little I know about all this." He kept his head bowed and looked up at Nagi through a screen of hair.

"Crawford gave Hidaka some informational documents about the Taisken. I'll see if I can get copies for you."

 _He's relieved that it's so simple. Good. I guessed right._ "Thank you." _I think he's seeing less of me now, understanding less. Of course. He's emotionally involved now, not detached. He wants my reactions to come for the reasons he wants not... not the real reasons. And then he wants something else, something contradictory. Right. He's not seeing me because he can't look at himself. Is that a good thing for me?_

Yohji sighed audibly and let his body sag as Nagi drew him into an embrace. Yohji pressed his face against Nagi's shoulder. _He likes that. Why?_ "I'm not a whore," Yohji said. _Doesn't matter why. Just give him more._

Nagi ran his hand down Yohji's spine in a gentle, comforting stroke. "No. No, you're not. Hidaka's an idiot."

Yohji bit his lip as he felt a sudden surge of doubt equally suddenly repressed. _He's not so sure Ken's stupid, but he wants him to be. So he won't look at it. Now what?_ Nagi's self-satisfaction wrapped around them like a blanket. Yohji laid his head on Nagi's shoulder. _Powerful. That's how he feels now, and he likes it. He likes having the power to protect me and comfort me. If Ken had stayed longer, said what he was feeling-- I think Nagi'd have killed him._ Yohji shuddered. _He was that angry, needed to demonstrate his power that much._

Nagi tightened his arms around Yohji's shoulders. "Don't worry about him. I won't let him hurt you again." Nagi's voice became hard. "I shouldn't have let him in to begin with."

 _Then why did you? I bet you had a choice... But you're glad you did. You like this. You like it too damn much. So are you going to look for ways to get other people to hurt me so that you can step in?_ Yohji managed to suppress another shudder. _Or are you going to cut out the middle man and hurt me yourself? Which will fuck me up worse?_ "Ken doesn't matter." _I will_ not _let you hurt him out of jealousy._ "I don't want _him_ in here with us." _I've got to make Nagi believe it. Got to._

"He was family," Nagi responded softly. "That means his opinion mattered to you. I'm just... I'm sorry he rejected you."

 _No. You're damn well_ not _sorry. Not in the slightest._ "His loss." Yohji didn't bother trying to keep the pain out of his voice. _There, Nagi-san-- Something else to comfort me about. That's what you want, isn't it? I'm sure I can keep feeding that-- Something else I have to do. I can do it. I don't have a choice._

Nagi's cell phone rang.

Yohji couldn't stop a flinch as Nagi's sudden spike of irritation hit. _Puzzlement and suspicion-- Comprehension._ Yohji sighed.

"It's all right, Yohji-kun; it's not aimed at you." The phone rang again. Nagi pulled away from Yohji and stood. "I left the damn thing over here somewhere... Ah." He snapped it open. "Naoe."

Yohji curled himself up against the arm of the couch and watched.

Nagi frowned.

 _Irritation growing but curiosity's there, too._ Yohji carefully controlled his expression, letting just a little anxiety show as he kept his eyes on Nagi. _But what does it mean for me?_ He had to fight the urge to lower his head to his knees. _No, keep looking at him. That has to be someone important or he'd be letting that irritation out._ He leaned his head against the back of the couch. _I need time to think. I need it badly. But he's not going to give it to me, not if he's smart._

"I don't see what you think I can do that they can't," Nagi said. He paused, apparently listening to the person on the other end. "You're going to have to trust them some time, Crawford-san." He gave an exaggerated sigh.

 _Whatever it is, he's pleased to be asked._ Yohji closed his eyes just for a moment. _There's some doubt, too, but... I should pay more attention. Whatever this is could be important._ He opened his eyes again.

"I know, but-- You must understand that I don't know these systems as well as--" Nagi's expression tightened. He looked over at Yohji and gave an exaggerated shrug.

Yohji raised his eyebrows. _Oh, yes, Nagi-san, I'm interested. I'm sympathetic._

"Yes, I _do_ understand how much we rely on the computer. I've been here the past year, too." Nagi rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll be down. Just give me a bit of time to get things settled here."

 _He's leaving?_ Yohji's body tightened as he fought panic. _No. Calm down. That could be good. More than good-- But he won't-- No, he might. If I play it right._

****'  
As he shut down his cell phone, Nagi gave most of his attention to Yohji. _He's exhausted. I really shouldn't have let Hidaka visit._ A brief smile touched his lips. _But Yohji chose me._ Me _, not Weiss. He can't undo it-- Hidaka won't forget._ The small surge of triumph disappeared. _Not like he had much damn choice. Kudoh Yohji's one hell of a pragmatist. Why am I unhappy about that?_ He set down the phone and moved back to the couch.

Nagi sat down close to Yohji and pretended he didn't notice the other man's rapidly controlled flinch. _I shouldn't be so upset. It took me work to get that reaction._ He laid a hand on Yohji's cheek. _Yeah, but it wasn't what I was aiming for._ "I have to go out for a while."

Yohji's body seemed to contract, and he met Nagi's eyes directly for a moment before looking away. "And what about me? I mean..." But apparently he couldn't say what he meant. Instead he bowed his head, looking at his hands.

 _He's in no shape to be left alone. I don't think Schuldig can get in. He probably won't try. Probably. But..._ He sighed. _Yohji can't even order himself a meal, and he's... He's very vulnerable right now._ Nagi ran his fingers through Yohji's hair. _That feels nice... I think the Kritiker files were right about that much. He_ needs _people._ He tightened his hand then forced himself to relax when Yohji responded with a small whimper. _I'm sorry, Yohji-kun. I just don't like thinking of you with other people..._ "You'll be fine here." _I hope. I shouldn't leave him alone, but I can't take him with me._ Nagi sighed. "I'll send Telat in as soon as I can." _I'd rather keep her far, far away, but I don't have a better option._

Yohji twitched under Nagi's hand. "I don't need a babysitter." He sounded bitter.

"Humor me, Yohji-kun." _Hell, he's got to know I don't want her here._ "You're still not well." _I think it's not just physical. No. I_ know _it's not just physical._ Nagi brought his hand down to cup Yohji's chin, raising it so that he could see Yohji's face. "Just relax. Watch a movie. Read a book. Take a bath." Not _with her watching. I'd have to kill her then._

"A bath..." Yohji's expression went vague. "Yeah... You said something about that last night, didn't you?"

Nagi resisted the urge to pull Yohji into his arms. _He's very... vulnerable. I... What_ do _I want from him?_ "I showed you the bath this morning, remember?" He kept his voice calm and patient. _Does my voice matter when I'm not shielding my emotions? Why haven't I started doing that? It's not like I don't know how._ He frowned, vaguely disturbed by the direction of his thoughts. He pulled back from Yohji and stood up.

"Do what you want to in here, Yohji-kun, but don't try to leave." His body felt stiff, and he knew his expression had flattened. "You might well be able to get out." His hands started to clench, and he forced them to relax. He looked back at Yohji. "I'd just... advise staying in. My people might not find you first."

Yohji met Nagi's eyes, his expression offering no promises.

 _He's less broken than he thinks._ Nagi felt his lips start to twitch into a smile. "You're doing a lot better than you were yesterday, but..." _You don't speak the language. You have no shields. You're only about half recovered physically, and it shows._ "Schuldig's not the only predator out there, and you're not up to dealing with any of them." He let his smile widen a little. "Once you are--" He shrugged. _I so want to see that._

Yohji looked away. His body tightened slightly at the mention of Schuldig's name, but he didn't respond otherwise.

Nagi sat down next to Yohji and pulled him in close. "Just for today, Yohji-kun. We can renegotiate tomorrow when you're feeling better and know a bit more about what's going on." _Just have to get you the language. Wait._ Nagi went completely still as a new and unpleasant thought struck him.

Yohji, who had begun to relax against Nagi, stiffened.

 _He's so sensitive to my moods._ "It's okay," Nagi said soothingly. "It's not you. I just... thought of something." _I am_ not _going to hook him up to a machine controlled by a computer that's having seizures. He doesn't need the language that badly. I'll just get a few minions programmed with Japanese. I don't care if_ their _brains get scrambled. They're replaceable._ He smiled. _I'll start with Telat, make her a bit more useful._

Yohji relaxed again under Nagi's hands. "Just for today," he whispered.

 _I wonder if he's telling the truth..._

*******'  
Yohji sat, frozen in disbelief, for a long moment after Nagi left. _He didn't-- There's some trick. There has to be some trick._ He turned his head quickly, trying to see all of the room at once. _He's still watching. He'll wait until I'm doing something... stupid, then-- No. He didn't_ feel _that way. He was telling the truth. Just like he was telling the truth about us having privacy in here._ He buried his face in the cushions. The faint scent of dusty upholstery calmed him a little. _Private until he brought in Ken._ Ken. _Could this get worse? Well, it could have been Ran. No, Ran already knew. But Ken... No, Ken'll cool off. He has to. Why? I may never see him again. Won't if Nagi has anything to say about it..._

 _No._ He sat up then pushed himself to his feet. _I'm not doing that. It can_ always _get worse._ He walked to the door and put a hand on it. _It looks like wood, feels almost like but... not._ He scraped the surface with his fingernails then pulled his hand away as the tactile wrongness increased. He tried tapping the surface. _It's not metal, either. What-- No. The lock. Look at the lock. Could I get out?_ He leaned against the wall. _Fuck. I'm in no shape to go anywhere. I bet I can't even explore this side of the door before I fall apart._ He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. _He'll trust me more if I wait. And Schuldig's easily distracted-- He might not be looking for me tomorrow. Hell, he might not be looking for me_ now _. I'll wait. I'm being smart, not-- Not cowardly. Not weak._ He straightened up and found himself swaying a little. _I should eat some more._

He put his hand on the door one last time, trying to evaluate the wrongness. _What is that made out of? I'll find out. We need intelligence anyway. I'll just see what I can find out in here. It makes sense. This is Nagi's private space. It makes sense._ He felt a creeping sense of shame and tried to push it aside, but it clung like a stubborn cobweb. _It makes_ sense _. I'm being smart. I'm not surrendering. I'm not._

He turned away, looking toward the rear of the apartment. _Food. I was thinking of food... And I can tell a lot about a person by looking at his kitchen._ He took a deep breath. _At least, I don't hurt so much any more._ The polished wood felt cold under his bare feet as he walked. _Would socks be too much to ask? Yes, or I'd have asked. At least, I've got sweat pants and loose shirts in a variety of colors. Even though it's just us in here... Only_ he _gets to see my body now._ His lips pulled into an ironic smile. Then he frowned slightly as the movement pulled on muscles that were still sore. _The bruises are taking longer to heal this time... Schuldig nearly killed me._

He hesitated in the doorway. _That's the kitchen. He_ told _me it was the kitchen when we passed-- But--_ It looked wrong, and he couldn't quite articulate why. The floor changed from wood to what looked like white marble. _Got to be linoleum. Got to be. But white? Who the hell would use-- Never mind._ The line between the two was only visible because of the difference in coloration. _It's not the floor that's bothering me. That's a distraction._ He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to release the sudden tension. _It's just a goddamn kitchen._

 _Yes, but it's_ his _kitchen._

He looked more carefully, trying to parse his uneasiness. The wall between the kitchen and dining room proved not to be exactly a wall. To the left of the doorway lay a counter a bit more than a meter high. A sliding screen constituted the rest of the wall, covering the distance from counter to ceiling. _So the kitchen can be open to the dining room or... not. And he prefers it not. Why?_ He pushed experimentally on the screen. It moved easily under his hand. It didn't fold or roll but rather disappeared silently into the wall. He jerked his hand away and stepped back. _How the hell? That wall can't be that thick-- No. That's irrelevant. And it's not what was bothering me._

He shrugged and looked around. _At least there's nobody watching... I must look like an idiot. What would he think? Hell--_ He grabbed the screen and tugged it back into place. _If that's how he wants it, I'd better not--_ He studied it for a moment, trying to decide if it was the same as it had been. _I can't tell. Will he be able to? I wonder... The kitchen doesn't match the dining room. Is that why he keep it closed? I wouldn't have thought he'd care... One more data point._

He turned back to the doorway and squared his shoulders. _Here goes. After all, I don't think he's got something in there that'll attack me._ He walked briskly though the doorway, ignoring his body's complaints about the process. The floor felt hard, slick and cold under his feet, colder than the wood had. _Doesn't he heat this place?_ He curled his toes a little. _Not linoleum._ He turned slowly.

The counter to the left of the door seemed set up to be an area for informal dining. A single tall stool stood next to it, and the countertop extended out from the wall, leaving space for knees. Underneath lay a footrest that seemed to be made of the same material as the floor. _There's room for more than one-- Why only one stool? Because that's all he needs. He doesn't expect company. But..._ He turned and looked back at the dining room. _That's a full formal set up, room for six, easy. And--_ His eyes narrowed, and he leaned back against the counter. _The stool doesn't match anything else in the apartment, not in color, not in style. It does match this room._ His hand groped for a non-existent pocket in search of a non-existent cigarette. _Three styles, here. No. Four. The furniture. The rare personal touches. The shell of the apartment, apart from this room._ He realized what he was doing and clenched his hand into a fist. _I'm never going to stop missing them, am I?_

He looked around. _And finally, this room. The décor sucks. Well... It doesn't quite suck. It's just weird. I wouldn't put these colors together; they're not.. comfortable together. Maybe it's just that they're not Japanese? He has spent time in other countries, right? Maybe he just doesn't care what the place looks like? Or didn't he get to pick?_ That thought rattled him. _No. He's stronger, more important than that. I don't have to worry about that. He promised to protect me._

He gripped the counter in an effort to steady himself then seized on it as a distraction. He tapped it with one finger. _Pale gray and feels like stone. What's holding it up then? It must weigh a ton. Is stone a status symbol here?_ Trailing his fingers along the surface, Yohji walked along the counter until it ended at the corner. He turned. _That's a sink. Just like the one in the bathroom._ He pushed a tentative finger into the shallow basin, feeling almost surprised at the lack of resistance. _Of course there's nothing in the way. You're an idiot, Kudoh. It's just a sink. A ridiculously shallow one-- How could you wash dishes in it?_ He ran a finger over the side and along the bottom of the basin. _No grease, no soap scum, nothing. Either he's obsessively clean or he has someone come in to clean for him who is._ He frowned. _Probably the latter. If he were obsessive that way, he wouldn't have had to search for his phone, and he'd have wanted to make the bed. Does that mean someone'll be coming in soon? Another thing not to think about..._

He studied the faucet. _Push that down for water... That lever for temperature. Push again for off. What the hell does that do?_ He touched the textured lump next to the temperature control. _Probably push... Should I?_

He pulled his hand back and cradled it against his body. _Why not?_ He set his jaw. _The damn thing's not going to bite me. It's probably just the garbage disposal._ He gave the drain a dubious look. _It's got one, right? Not all kitchens do, but this one..._ He looked around the room again. _This place feels... new. It's really clean, even smells new. How long has he been living here?_ He set his jaw and reached out. The lump squished under his finger, feeling oddly rubbery even though it looked metallic. _Ick._

The faucet spat a lump of wet crystals that glistened in the light. _Crushed ice. The fucking sink does crushed ice? Why does he want a sink that does ice? Well, it is kind of cool. Assuming it is ice._ He prodded the lump again. Then he touched the pile of melting fragments. _Cold. And what else would he want coming out of his faucet?_ He picked up a sliver between two fingers, brought it to his lips and let it dissolve on his tongue. _Yes._ He blinked, a little startled by a sudden surge of satisfaction. _That's out of proportion. I'm a bit... unbalanced, aren't I? That really should scare me... Fuck it. There's damn all I can do about it._

He pushed the pile of ice toward the drain. _I've got good reason to be unbalanced. This... This situation's bad. I had to... alienate Ken. He was really pissed at me. No. It's_ Ken _. He'll get over it. He won't understand, but... He'll get over it. Omi's catatonic. Unless Nagi's lying. No. I don't think he would about that. He doesn't want me to think about any of them, to care. Then there's Ran... What's going through his head now?_

 _Doesn't matter. Only_ he _matters now._ He straightened up. _I was after food..._ He gave the sink and its odd controls a last measuring glance. _Just see if there's a cupboard down there and what's in it..._ He stepped back. _A... drawer?_ The area below the sink was faced in a slate blue material. Just below the bottom of the basin, there was a distinct rectangle with a handle in the middle. _It's kind of big, and... that's a weird place for a drawer. What about the pipes?_ He reached for the handle, hesitated, then grasped it firmly and pulled.

Nothing happened.

He pulled harder, succeeding only in having the handle bite into his hand. _What the hell?_ He resisted an urge to kick or hit the drawer. The force of his desire to break something startled him. _Deep breaths, Kudoh. Deep breaths. Of course, you want to break something. You want to kill a few people, too. Or at least beat the crap out of them. It's a way of exerting control. Of saying_ he _can't make you do anything, can't control everything. Well... If you go there, you lose. It's simple._

He closed his eyes for a second and ran his fingers over the facing and handle. _There--_ He pressed, twisted and pulled. The drawer slid out to reveal two mugs, two spoons and two glasses. _From last night and from breakfast. I recognize the pattern on that mug._ He spread his hands to gauge the width of the space. _Big, deep. You could put a lot more in there. It's a silly place for storage, too._ He lifted a mug. _It's clean. No trace of hot chocolate._ He set the mug down again and looked around the room. _This whole place is clean. Almost... sterile. Nobody cooks in here._ He _doesn't cook in here. Does he even cook? He made the hot chocolate, didn't he?_

He shook his head. _There should be crumbs on the floor, drips of unidentifiable... stuff on the stove. For that matter, where the hell is the stove? And I only see one electrical outlet... Way over on the other side of the room. And where's the dish soap? Shouldn't there be a dirty sponge or a rag, even a hand towel somewhere here? And where are the other dishes from dinner and breakfast? Why can't I smell last night's plate scrapings?_

 _That's what's creeping me out._ He smiled, pleased at having teased that out. _I mean, that there must be the fridge. It's the only thing that could be, but..._ Absently, he pushed the drawer shut. _How could anybody cook in here?_ He almost missed the solid click as the drawer closed.

A low, humming whirr interrupted his thoughts. _What the hell?_ He stepped back. _It's coming from in there--_ He reached out and touched the handle with one finger. A buzz like a tiny motor vibrating raced through his hand. _What's it doing? I didn't do anything!_ He fumbled at the handle, trying to find the mechanism for opening it again. _Shit! He's going to kill me--_

 _No._ He pulled his hands away and forced himself to step back. _Think damn it! It's probably supposed to do that. It must be supposed to do that. And it's only a couple of dishes... And_ he _left them there._ He put his hands to either side of his face and tangled his fingers in his hair. "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay..." _It's got to be._ He lowered his hands. "I'm overreacting--"

He took a deep breath and walked toward the thing he thought was a refrigerator. _I just need to get food and get out of here._ He stopped and put a hand on the probable fridge. _It feels like stone. Everything in this room feels like stone..._ He shook out his shoulders, trying to fight off a shudder. _No obvious handle..._ He ran his hands along one side and found what felt like a groove. He wrapped a hand around that edge and tugged. The door swung smoothly out. He stepped forward and leaned to peer into the brightly lit interior. _It's not cold._ He frowned. _There's a pitcher of orange juice, some rice milk, beer... Ice cream? But it's not cold!_ He touched the carton. _It is cold but only the ice cream. It's solid--_

He grabbed half blindly for the orange juice and slammed the door shut. _I don't want to know._ He turned and started to leave the room, then stopped himself. _I should find a glass._ He glanced at the drawer under the sink but looked away quickly. _There have to be other glasses. Maybe I should just drink from the pitcher... I don't think I want to put it back._ He walked slowly over to the stool and set the pitcher on the counter. _Will he mind if I drink all of it? Good orange juice is expensive._

 _And I'm being stupid, thinking he'll care. Look at this place! He's not living on a budget._ He sat down and leaned on the counter. _I'm so screwed. I'm so messed up I can't even deal with a_ kitchen _. Just as well I didn't try to get out... I'd probably have had a panic attack right outside the fucking door. God, and what do I do with the pitcher afterward? I can't just leave it... There's nothing out of place here. Nothing at all._

He let his head rest on his arms. _I can do this. I_ can _. Really._ He took a deep breath. _Nagi attacked_ Schuldig _to protect me. He's not going to kill me over a pitcher of juice or a couple of mugs. He left me alone here. He had to expect me to explore. He didn't tell me not to. Hell, if he's expecting me to explore, I'd damn well better do it. I can't afford to disappoint him. What if he decides I'm too damaged? And what if I really am?_

He sat up and lifted the pitcher. He contemplated it dubiously. _I really should look for a glass. Pouring juice down my front isn't going to make me look competent, and he prefers..._ He turned. _Probably over there-- That wall's all cupboards._ As he turned, he looked squarely at the fourth wall, the one between the kitchen and the living room, for the first time. _What the hell?_ He just barely managed to maintain his grip on the pitcher.

 _That-- A_ window _? No. No way!_ He turned and carefully put the pitcher down. _I... I didn't see it from the other side. Was I that out of it? And that... doesn't look like the back of the aquarium._ He walked over to the window. As he approached, he blinked, trying to clear his vision. _That's_ not _the back of the aquarium..._ He stopped about three feet away and stared. _A beach. That's snow on the driftwood... I bet it's windy. Look at the whitecaps._ He wrapped his arms around his body and shuddered. _The window in the bedroom looks out on a hill covered with trees. Trees and summer leaves..._ He felt his breathing speeding up as he fought panic. _Where the hell are we? And what is that? It can't be a real window. Is the one in the bedroom? I thought it was a clue. I hoped it was a clue._

Seeking distraction, he scanned the rest of the wall. _What's that?_ He spotted what looked like a control panel in the corner. _That's not the light switch--_ He turned back toward the door to confirm what he thought he remembered. _Yes. That's at that end. I'll just pretend that thing doesn't exist._ He stared at the small panel. _Six buttons, each with a lever. Should I?_ He reached out, hesitated, then let his hand fall. He bit his lip. _I've got to. Not because I need to know what it does but... If I lose my nerve now, I won't be able to keep up any sort of façade._

Before he could change his mind again, he shot out his hand and pushed one of the buttons. The wall started to bulge, and he almost couldn't stop himself from jumping back. _No. It's got to be harmless. Well, more or less... He doesn't strike me as the type to booby trap his kitchen._ He took a deep breath and grasped the lever above the button he'd pushed. It moved more like a joystick than a true lever. As he moved it around, the bulge in the wall formed itself into a counter. _Oh, I see. This controls height and depth._ He played with it a bit, watching in fascination as the dimensions changed.

He walked over to the new counter and ran his hands over it. _It feels like..._ He rubbed his fingers against his thumb. _It's like the floor of my cell. Neutral color. An easy work surface, I guess. How the hell do they do it?_ Rubbing the back of his neck, he turned back and pressed the button again. He was relieved that that reversed the process. _I don't want to know. I don't._

The cupboards proved rather more mundane. Inside, he found a plethora of snack foods-- _Mostly Japanese. He favors salty and sweet--_ and just add water meals, a number of small appliances that looked like they'd never been used, a few pots, a drawer full of chopsticks and Western style flatware, an assortment of mismatched dishes and a full set of formal china. _He doesn't cook here. He couldn't. No measuring cups. No knives. No spoons for stirring. Even if he had food that could be cooked..._ He felt himself starting to relax. _At least something in here is more or less normal, more or less what I expected._

 _So how does he get food? He hasn't gone to the door for it; I've been paying attention. Ah._ In one corner, he found an empty cupboard with removable shelves. One of the shelves had a sticky spot that he tentatively identified as a partially dried spill from that morning's breakfast. _A dumbwaiter?_ He pushed and prodded but couldn't make anything move. _That's the only thing that makes sense. I bet there's a control panel here somewhere. There's pretty much got to be. I'll find it next time. Right now... I need to eat, and that bath is sounding better and better._

******'  
Nagi looked across his desk at Telat and did his best not to let his distaste show. _I'd much rather do without_ you _. I just haven't had time to find someone more... suitable._ "You understand what I want?"

The woman bowed, her expression earnest. "Yes, Naoe-san. I'll take care of him. I'll make sure he eats and rests, and I'll call you if anything... untoward happens."

 _And don't flirt with him! Not that she did. That was him. He should know better. He_ does _know better. He's just... resourceful._ "Continue with the language lessons if he wants." Nagi's face felt stiff with the effort of keeping his polite mask in place. "It'll be easier once you have Japanese." _I still need her. I wonder... I might have another use for her after all._

"Yes, sir." She fidgeted a little under his gaze, edged a little away and very carefully didn't ask the question that was obvious on her face.

 _Why don't I give him Taisken? He's valuable. You're not. And you annoy me. I don't want you getting ideas._ He watched her carefully. _Hoping I'll dismiss you, are you? Not yet. Not yet._ He let his eyes narrow, and he glanced down at the small screen set into his desk. "I'm surprised to find someone with your... personality profile... working here. I'd have thought you'd be more suited to... something else."

She looked embarrassed, reddening slightly. "I'm-- Hasn't my work been satisfactory, sir?"

 _Sadly, yes. You're giving me no excuse._ "Oh, quite." _But there's more than one way to get rid of you._ "I just wondered if you were really happy here." He gave her a smile that she probably didn't recognize as false. "You've done well at some difficult tasks for me." He shrugged. "I reward my people."

Her eyes widened, and she inhaled sharply. "I'm a scholarship student, Naoe-san. I'm sure my file says so. I go where the High Lord needs me."

"Yes. Of course." He tapped his fingers on his desk. "Your grades are excellent. Your evaluations as well. Your personality profile, however... Wouldn't you be happier at a public clinic or a school? You don't seem to have the... military mindset." _You have compassion. You sure as hell shouldn't be_ here.

She looked at the floor. "This is a... a high priority installation, sir. It was an honor to be chosen."

He leaned back in his chair and smiled, not quite masking his pleasure at her apparent discomfort. He shook his head. "No, it wasn't. This is the ass end of nowhere. Everyone here is under the command of a couple of barbarian upstarts--"

She started, her eyes flying to his face. She opened her mouth to protest, but he waved her words aside.

"Don't bother. I know what people say." _If I were fool enough not to have noticed, Schuldig told me. Repeatedly._ A sudden sharpness in his gut reminded him that the days of pleasant conversations with Schuldig were over. _He'll get over it._ "My point is," Nagi went on, "that you're only here because you lack a... patron." He pushed back from the desk and stood up. "That I am a barbarian does not lessen my status in the High Lord's eyes." He walked around the desk and then sat on the corner.

She did not, quite, step back as he invaded her space. "Sir?"

 _So you've got some guts after all._ A brief flicker of irritation escaped him and expressed itself as a frown. _Oh, you've got it already. Don't play stupid._ "Do your best for me, and I'll sponsor you. Anywhere you'd like to go--" He gave her a smile that ought to have drawn blood. _Far away from here._ Another possibility struck him. _Maybe..._ "If you'd prefer to continue working directly for me, I have a..." _What should I call her?_ "...relative who needs fairly constant supervision. She's on Earth now, but I'd like to move her some place... safer." _You'd be good at the job, and Tot would like you, but you're damn stupid if you take it. You'll be buried somewhere and never get out._ His smile became gentler, more pleasant. _Poor Tot. She never understood how I could... outgrow her._

Telat managed a tentative smile.

 _That's right. I'm doing well by you. You can go tell everybody how wonderful the High Lord's new Level I telekinetic is. I don't want people working for me just because they're afraid of me._

"May I have some time to think about it, sir? Both of your offers sound appealing, and you're right-- I'm not... suited to working here." She stepped backward and gave him a deep bow. "If I may go, sir-- I should... You've given me a task, and I--"

He waved a dismissive hand, rather enjoying the power. "Go. I don't want him alone too long." He smiled a little as she departed. _That was a full formal bow. She acknowledged my rank._ Voluntarily. _Good._

After she left, he turned to the display that connected him to the complex's computer system. "You know there are things I'd much rather be doing," he told it, a bit of humor leaking into his voice. _Well, maybe I can get something useful accomplished, too._ He pulled out a PDA. _I think Yohji and I are going to need a bigger apartment. Now that I know how much... pull I've got, what do I want in my living space? And what might Yohji like?_

******'  
 _I still can't believe he left me alone._ Yohji leaned against the side of the tub and closed his eyes. The heat of the water made movement easier. _He shouldn't have. He's giving me time to pull my head together, and that might... I might be able to keep some independence._ He stretched his legs out. _He's doing all right for himself. This tub's huge._

 _Why_ did _he leave me alone, give me time to think? Why did he risk me running?_ His hands started to clench. He took a deep breath and extended his fingers, stretching then releasing them. _That's what I should be doing right now-- Trying to get out of here, not bathing. I've eaten, so I'm not doing too badly that way. That's no excuse._

 _Except... I can't._

He spent a few minutes focusing on his breathing, letting the heat relax knotted muscles. _I wouldn't get far. He'd find me and drag me back, and whatever trust I've managed to get from him would be gone._

 _So, just live in this moment for right now... No thinking about what anybody else might say. They're not here, and I'm following Omi's first law._

 _Ken. That hurt. A lot. Nagi could have wrecked me with that. Why didn't he? Maybe he didn't orchestrate it for the effect on me. That might have been... incidental. Nagi_ felt _surprised after, like he hadn't thought through how much it would hurt me._

 _Not that he was unhappy about it. He wants to cut me off from Weiss. But that wasn't his plan to begin with._

 _Then what was his plan? He must have had one._ He found himself tapping his fingers against the side of the tub. _Damn I want a smoke. If it wasn't me... If it wasn't about me, it was about Ken. What about Ken? Nagi said that Crawford wanted something from Ken, didn't he? Is that it? Was he even telling me the truth?_

Yohji began a pantomime smoke. _No nicotine rush, but... Does that mean Nagi wouldn't have killed Ken? No. Nagi was angry. He doesn't think when he's like that. He doesn't mean to lose control on me, either, but..._ He felt the muscles in his shoulders start to tighten. _Relax. Relax._ He kept his mind as blank as he could for a few moments. He sank down, holding his breath, letting the water close over his head, only keeping his cigarette hand dry. _I could just stay down here... Let everything melt away._

 _No. First, don't die. I could almost hate Omi._

He resurfaced after a moment, shaking his head to throw his hair off his face. _Ken was angry. But with Ken that... passes. He blows up, and it's over. But he wasn't just angry with Nagi. He didn't understand, and I... hurt him. Yes, well, at least he's still alive. Is there anyone Nagi wouldn't kill to keep me?_

He wrapped his arms around himself. _That intensity's scary, but... There's some security in it. Assuming I can keep him from hurting me too badly._ He sighed and relaxed his arms. _I should seduce him soon. I'm doing well enough. Really. And it's better than waiting for him to force me._

 _I can do this. I_ can.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Hope of Dawn and Tritorella for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Ken was glad enough of a chance to cool off that he didn't object when his escort took him back to his room rather than to where he could see Ran and Omi. _What the hell was Yohji thinking? He had a plan. He_ had _to have a plan._ Ken pushed his knuckles into his cheek, trying to use pain to focus his mind. _Damn it, Yohji--_ His anger suddenly burned itself out, leaving him cold. _I never can stay angry at you..._ He sighed. _I_ hope _he has a plan... He does kind of make things up as he goes along, and this isn't a scenario any of us ever imagined. Will he be able to pull whatever it is off? Or will he--_

"You don't seem all that happy about seeing Kudoh." The calm comment interrupted Ken's worried thoughts.

 _Shit._ "Crawford." Ken straightened up in his wheelchair and met the American's eyes. _I'm not losing twice in one day._ He suppressed his urge to say anything further. _Not giving you any openings this time._

Crawford waved a hand, dismissing the nurse and guards. Then he strolled over to Ken's chair.

 _Trying to intimidate me, Crawford?_ Ken almost smiled. _Not today._ He let the smile out, well aware that it had teeth. _Ah, Crawford, you're going to be_ useful _for once. Even if we do just go over the same ground again and again... Like you think I'll forget if you don't keep reminding me._

Crawford looked down at Ken. "Do you want to stay in the chair or would you like help getting to your bed?"

"That depends. How long are you going to keep me here?" Ken tilted his head sideways so that he didn't quite look up at Crawford but could still see his face.

Crawford took hold of the handles and pushed the chair closer to the bed. "I thought you might want to talk about Kudoh. Fujimiya won't be sympathetic, so your options are limited."

 _Why would Ran be unsympathetic? Apart from his usual asshole behavior, that is. And why are you so sure of it?_ Ken covered his confusion by transferring himself from the chair to the bed. He used both hands to shift his injured leg up onto the mattress. "I don't expect sympathy from Ran." He looked up at Crawford, letting his sense of the ridiculous put a vicious edge on his expression. "I also don't expect it from you. You're too much alike."

Ken was pleased to see Crawford's face tighten. _Gotcha! Even I can see that's a sore point. If you hate Ran that much, why'd you take up with his sister? Or do you hate him_ because _you took up with his sister?_

Crawford covered his reaction almost immediately, pulled up his chair and sat. He raised an his eyebrows for just a second and silently regarded Ken over steepled fingers.

 _I hate that. He sits there like he owns the place. Except..._ Ken met Crawford's gaze without flinching. _Whatever the hell you want, Crawford, this is_ not _the time to push me. Right now, there's damn all you can do to intimidate me, and I'm bored of talking about your plans._ They stared at each other for a long moment. Ken held himself still, knowing that his apparent patience drove Crawford crazy. _You think so little of me. I can wait, too._

Finally, Crawford looked away. "I ordered Nagi to start... working with Kudoh, you know."

Ken didn't respond immediately. _Not quite fake contrition but close. Whatever orders you gave, you aren't actually sorry for any of it. Except-- Has it gotten away from you?_ He blinked. _Why the hell can I read you when I can't understand Yohji? It's not like I know you._

Crawford shifted in his seat and narrowed his eyes with a flicker of something that might have been satisfaction. "I didn't expect... where it went, but..." He shrugged and made a tossing away gesture. "Kudoh was of no use to me."

"He's not much use to _you_ now, is he?" Ken wanted to bite his tongue. _Damn! I didn't mean to answer him. But did he get what he wanted out of giving Yohji to Naoe? He's not acting all that happy._ He stopped trying to hide his anger. "Why? I'm sure you had more reason than that."

"Nagi has become a bit more volatile recently." Ken could feel Crawford's eyes on him, probing, searching for response, for weakness. "How did Kudoh look?"

 _Why do you want to know? And why the hell don't you know already? Omi would he was in your shoes. Not that any of us would--_ Suddenly, Ken felt tired. _I'm never going to be able to stop fighting you, am I?_ He snorted. "No wonder Ran doesn't want you anywhere near his sister. Do you ever stop playing people? Are you even capable of stopping?"

He didn't bother to hide his amusement as Crawford clenched his jaw, hands tightening into fists. Crawford's face reddened just a little. "Am I playing you, Hidaka?" The words were brittle.

 _Overreact much? Maybe he doesn't know how to stop... Or he wants me to think that. Has he ever trusted anybody? Poor Aya-chan..._ Ken stared at him. "I thought that was the whole point. Of course, the fact that you're still pulling strings now that I've said yes..." He started massaging his sound leg. "I'd say you must be doing it out of habit. Either that or you get some sick pleasure out of playing with people." He looked back at Crawford. "Neither's a trait I'd like in a brother-in-law."

Crawford's smile looked forced. "Since you don't have a sister and I'm already... attached, it's not really something you need to worry about."

 _She's my sister, too, moron._ Ken straightened up and just managed not to shake his head. _Well, I'm not going to enlighten him if he's that dumb. I don't want him to understand Weiss._ "What exactly do you think I should have noticed about Yohji? Or is it Naoe you're more interested in?"

"I-- _We_ \-- need Nagi to make this work. The High Lord understands my value, but my power doesn't give me quite as much automatic clout in his court as Nagi's does." Crawford looked away.

 _Am I supposed to believe he's vulnerable?_ Ken stared at Crawford, unable to completely disguise his disbelief. _He looks about as vulnerable as-- as--_ Ken shook his head as his mind stalled in the search for an appropriate comparison. _He's nowhere near as convincing as Omi, and I've never understood how anyone can be blind enough to think_ he's _harmless._ He met Crawford's eyes. _Trying to see if I buy it? Well, I don't._ "And why does that matter?"

"Because I don't have the credentials to be Earth's Viceroy. Given a couple more decades, yes, but not now. Without Nagi, we'll be stuck with an alien, probably one who'll resent listening to me."

"You're that sure that the Taisken will win?" _Not that I really doubt it, either. They've got the resources, and they've pulled this trick before. Many times._

Crawford's answering glare should have made Ken cringe, but he'd become impervious. "Do you think I'd be going to all this fucking trouble if I weren't sure?" Crawford stood and began to pace. "Do you think this is _fun_ , Hidaka? Dealing with snobs who think we're uncultured barbarians? Dealing with aristocrats who see us as potential threats to be squashed as fast as possible? Playing nice with _you_?"

Ken managed a cheerful smile, knowing that it would drive Crawford utterly crazy. "I'm having fun." _Not. And he knows it._

"I'm glad someone is." Crawford didn't bother to disguise his sarcasm. He stopped pacing and looked directly at Ken. "Tell me how they looked."

 _Why don't you know already? Or at least pretend you do? Are you that off-balance?_ "Why don't you ask Naoe yourself? Or have Schuldig spy on them?" Ken sat up straight. _I agreed to work_ with _you, but I'm not going to work_ for _you._

Crawford winced slightly at the mention of the telepath. "Schuldig and Nagi have had a... falling out. If Nagi noticed him poking around-- and Nagi most likely would notice because he's been trained to-- Nagi might well kill him."

 _And you don't answer the first question. But it sounds like Yohji might have been telling the truth about those bruises. God, I hope so. It'd mean I didn't abandon him in hell._ "It sounds like you're losing control... Aren't you strong enough to hold your team together?" Ken went back to working on his leg, almost turning his back on Crawford. _I can almost hear his teeth grinding._

"The situation," Crawford said with surprising calmness, "is very complicated. I know you don't care much for subtlety, but it's about the only way we're going to survive."

Ken turned rapidly. _He's getting too close to seeing through me. Attack--_ "You're not expecting _me_ to survive." He used the words like a whip, a sudden sharpness striking at Crawford. "That 'we' you keep using is a lie." He looked Crawford up and down. "I think I deserve more respect than that." _And I can't let you figure out that I_ can _be subtle. This sucks... I hate weighing each word, each gesture like this, but I'm_ not _letting the team down._

"I've told you the truth." Crawford's expression remained flat.

"Bullshit." Ken didn't bother to give the word heat. He clasped his hands behind his head, leaned back against his pillows and looked at the ceiling. "You've told me the pieces of the truth that you think will make me do what you want." He snorted. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

"Nothing in your dossier suggested you would," Crawford replied dryly.

"Just tell me the truth or get the fuck out of here. I can think of better ways of spending my time." He turned his head to glare at Crawford. "My _very_ limited time. You want something. Tell me what it is. Tell me why. I don't have time for stupid games."

Crawford looked vaguely offended. "It's not that easy."

"Yes. It. Is." Ken turned away again. _Have I ever given you any reason to think I don't understand what you're talking about? That I can't do a cost-benefit analysis? Hell, you depend on my doing it and being an altruist._ He listened as Crawford sighed and returned to his chair by the side of the bed. _Just tell me the fucking truth and stop playing games._

"I need Nagi for... For a variety of reasons. He's asserting his independence now. That's necessary and very, very dangerous. I had reasons for throwing him and Kudoh together, but..." Crawford fell silent for a moment.

Ken waited. _You'll have to do better than that. You arranged to have Yohji--_ His mind shied away from finishing the thought. _I have to trust Yohji. He said he'd be okay, and he knows his own limits. Yeah, but he'd lie._ He had to fight not to turn and glare at Crawford. _You did that, and you still expect me to work with you. Well..._ He kept face patiently blank. _I probably still will. Because I am an altruist. The only one on the team. And the world really_ is _at stake._

"I'm juggling a hell of a lot of variables right now, and I can't always See all of them. You already know more than anyone except Aya and the High Lord." As always, Crawford's voice softened just a little when he mentioned Aya's name. "And there are things I've told you that I haven't told her." He wasn't even looking at Ken.

Ken sat bolt upright. "The High Lord _knows_? Why the hell are you still alive?"

Crawford laughed, a dry sound almost devoid of humor. "Because he can veto any candidate I put forward. Because he doesn't really think we can do it. And because even if we succeed, he doesn't lose anything. Sponsoring a new High Lord gives him as much prestige as owning another planet. It's not as if Earth has a lot that he can't find elsewhere."

Ken stared at Crawford, unable to come up with anything to say.

"There's no good way to hide something like this from a powerful telepath." Crawford's lips twitched in a minute smile. "And he didn't accept us on our word alone. Schuldig may have managed to hide something, and Farfarello certainly did, but Nagi and I... We could let him in, let him look at whatever he wanted, or we could fight to keep him out and accept the permanent damage losing would inflict.

"Is that truth enough for you, Hidaka-san?"

Ken managed to conceal the shudder prompted by the sudden ball of ice in his guts. _I'm not having fun any more._ "Do you always use truth like a weapon?"

"Only when I have to. You have to admit that it's effective. Now--" Crawford regarded Ken over steepled fingers. "I need to know how Nagi was acting. Tell me."

Ken lifted his chin. _You win. For now._ Defeat tasted bitter on his tongue. He closed his eyes, visualizing the scene in Naoe's suite. _What would I tell Omi? I'd start at the beginning. My memory's stronger than my ability to analyze._ He opened his eyes and looked straight at Crawford. "I hate you, you know. Naoe treats Yohji like a pet, a prized _thing_ to be fought over, and _you_ set it up."

Crawford shrugged slightly. "I had no other use for Kudoh, and Nagi was liable to snap at any moment. He's vented his frustrations now. Given the stakes I'm playing for, I can't afford squeamishness." He paused and seemed to consider. "You'd say that Nagi prizes Kudoh then? What would he do to keep him?"

 _Damned if I know._ Ken felt a sudden chill. _Oh. Shit._ That's _what Yohji was trying to do. He thought Naoe'd try to kill me. He was trying to_ protect _me._ "I'd say that he's a nasty, possessive, little shit--" Ken's hands clenched on the sheets beneath him as he fought to stop the words. _No. That's not how to do this._

"Nagi made quite an impression on you." Crawford sounded amused. "He can be very... intense. I thought Kudoh could focus that."

 _Sure you did, you American son of a bitch._ Ken glared at Crawford for a moment. _As long as it gets Naoe to do what you want, you really don't care, do you?_ He felt a chill. _At least, you're consistent._ "I'll have to tell it my way-- From the beginning."

Crawford nodded. He didn't say anything or indicate any impatience.

Ken leaned back against his pillows, preferring not to see the other man. "The door opened, and the nurse pushed me through..."

*****'  
Ran knelt on the kitchen floor, wielding a scrub brush with absent concentration. _Omi wasn't himself. He must have been very disturbed by those tapes. First he sat for an hour. Then... He wasn't himself. Who else would he be? But he should talk about it. I'd listen. I could do that much... If he'd let me._ He paused, stretched and rubbed his forehead with his arm. _Almost done. Well, as done as it gets._ He frowned at the room. _I feel better doing it this way, anyway. Even if Crawford's telling the truth and it's not necessary... I don't like relying on things I can't see._

He bent, returning to his work. _Another minute or two, then I need to do something else. Lots of variety, Omi said. To make looping the surveillance easier. How is he doing that? Why won't he tell me? No. That's his choice. I'm not in a position to demand..._ He pressed down hard on the brush, pulling it towards him and pushing it away. _Nothing that produces tangible results. Wear the same clothes on a careful schedule._

 _At least, it gives me something to do. I'm dead weight here. Doesn't Omi trust me? Well, he knows I put Aya-chan first._ He went still. _I can't do anything for her, either. No._

 _Focus on Omi. He was_ not _acting like himself._ He attacked a corner with extra force. _The thing with Kudoh bothers him. He's not good at making hard decisions about his people, is he?_ He shot an irritated glance toward Omi's room. _How long is he going to lie there staring at the ceiling?_

A knock on the outer door interrupted Ran's thoughts. He dropped the brush. _Who's that?_ He rose to his feet. _Crawford never knocks. Schuldig never knocks. I'm not expecting anybody else._ He tossed the brush into the sink and headed for the door. _Though why I'm bothering--_ His steps slowed. _I can't open the damn thing, after all._

He stopped a few feet from the door and leaned against the wall. He folded his arms across his chest and waited. After a moment, he twitched one shoulder. _Shouldn't the door be open by now?_

 _Of course._ He clenched his jaw. _Omi did something so we wouldn't be interrupted. More proof that he's not himself. If he was normal, he'd have undone that as soon as he was back in bed. How does he do that anyway?_ He glared at the door. _And why won't he tell me?_ He fought the urge to go and demand that Omi open the door. _He wouldn't thank me for breaking our cover. Don't the last two years mean anything? I'm not walking away again._

 _Unless Aya-chan--_

 _I've never quite been... part of the team, have I? That's probably it. I... No._ He pushed back against the wall, trying to release some tension without letting the cameras pick up on it. _I never wanted-- I_ don't _want-- It's better for everybody given that I have to put Aya-chan first._

 _Omi wouldn't worry over me the way he is over Kudoh._

The door remained closed. A few thumps and a metallic grinding sound made their way through the barrier. _What are they doing? Are they going to cut their way in?_ He curled his toes. _I can't go running for Omi. He should know already. How ever it is that he does this, he should know._

He cleared his throat. _I don't know if they can hear me, but..._ "If you're not coming in, go away!" he said loudly.

"Ran?"

His head snapped up as he recognized the voice. _Ken!_ He pushed his sudden hope away. _Don't call him "Ken," not in your head. That lets him in too close. Hidaka._

"They're letting me visit. Assuming they ever get the door open."

 _He sounds cheerful, at least._ Ran's lips curved a little even as Ken's words told him the basic situation hadn't changed. _And what's the price of this? Crawford wouldn't give it to me free._

Eventually, the door creaked open. Sparks arced from frame to door and back again, and Ran smiled grimly, relieved that he was far enough back not to need to retreat. _I will not be seen to give ground._ Then he frowned. _Will it lock again? We're going to need it to. Omi's not himself, or he wouldn't have let it get to this._

Beyond the open door were two rather frazzled looking technicians. One of them smiled and said something incomprehensible to the other. The other frowned, made a gesture Ran couldn't interpret and stepped back. Several other people, probably guards judging by their demeanor, regarded Ran warily. Then, the one who seemed to be in charge waved a hand to someone behind him, said something and half turned away.

 _He's keeping track of me. I wonder what he said..._ Ran's frown deepened. _I hate this! That bastard promised me language lessons! I think he likes seeing me crippled by ignorance, gets off on it._ He forced his hands to remain relaxed. _I will not let the anger show._

A woman wearing what Ran recognized as a medical technician's uniform pushed Ken's wheelchair through the doorway. One of Ken's legs was splinted and propped higher than the other. He flashed Ran a cheerful grin.

 _That didn't reach his eyes._ Ran nodded at Ken, then addressed the woman, "You're not welcome here. Get out." He spoke flatly, not letting his expression change.

Ken's lips twitched. "Your temper hasn't improved." He looked back at the woman and said something in another language.

She hesitated and seemed on the verge of protesting.

"He taught you the language!" Ran couldn't quite suppress a feeling of betrayal.

The guard outside said something, and the woman turned to look at him. She opened her mouth then hesitated. She looked down at Ken and asked a soft question.

 _At least, I assume it's a question... And now Crawford knows it really bothers me not to know the language. Bastard. I bet he set it up and is laughing his ass off._

Ken shook his head and waved the woman off. "You'll have to help me out, Ran. This thing's set up to be hard for me to work on my own." He gave a short laugh. "Can't you see me trying to out race them in _this_?"

Ran hesitated, recognizing the attempted joke and completely unsure how to respond. _This is no time for humor, Hidaka!_

The woman turned and walked out the door, and the guard shut it after her. Ken turned to look over his shoulder then looked at Ran. "Well? Are you going to help me or not?"

Without really thinking about it, Ran walked over and got behind the wheelchair. "What are you doing here?"

Ken's shoulders slumped a little. "Can we skip the fight, Ran? I really don't feel like it right now."

Ran blinked. "What?" _You make me sound petty._ He pushed them forward into the living room. _Never mind._ "I just want to know why you're here."

Ken laughed again, still with little humor. "Definitely the same old Fujimiya Ran."

 _Just what do you mean by that, Hidaka?_

Ken put both hands on the arms of the chair and raised himself a bit. "Nice place you got here. Where's Omi?" He lowered himself again and looked up at Ran.

 _He knows that much. Good._ "He's in one of the bedrooms." _We'll just pretend to be normal._ "I can take you in to look at him." _Will Omi let him know? Should I tell him? Should I tell him about Kudoh?_ "Would you like tea?" Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to retreat, to escape into the kitchen for a moment. _No. I'm not that weak._ "We can talk after you see him. Assuming Crawford gives us the chance." He glanced up at one of the corners he was sure hid a camera.

Ken followed Ran's gaze and nodded.

 _Good. He got that._

"Omi first, then tea," Ken responded. He seemed to hesitate. "How is he? I mean... Crawford showed me medical reports, but..." He didn't quite meet Ran's eyes.

 _Crawford showed you? So you're getting cozy with him now?_ Ran forced his clenched jaw to relax. "He's as well as can be expected under the circumstances." _No lie there._ Ran studied Ken's face. _Aren't you ashamed?_ He turned the chair and started pushing it toward Omi's room. "I'll take you in now. You can sit with him while I make the tea." _That gives Omi time to talk to you if he wants to. If he hasn't said anything by the time the tea's ready, I'll take that as him wanting to keep you out of it._ He nodded with a certain degree of satisfaction, secure in the knowledge that Ken couldn't see him and would misinterpret the gesture anyway.

"I've been doing some primitive PT with him," Ran said as he pushed Ken through the door. "Just what I can remember doing with Aya-chan." _I should say something else._ "If you have any suggestions--"

Ken's sudden sharp inhalation cut off Ran's words.

 _I guess he does look pretty bad. I hope Hidaka does have some suggestions. We need to keep Omi in shape._ "He's doing a lot better than he was." Ran pushed the chair over next to the bed. "Green tea?" He hesitated. _Is there anything I can say? I..._

Ken looked away from Omi for a moment, seeming almost confused. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Fine." He turned his back on Ran, leaned forward and took Omi's hand.

 _Guess he doesn't need me... Neither of them do._ Ran frowned, not really liking the sense of being closed out. _Doesn't matter. I don't need him. He's not important._ He very deliberately turned away. _Tea._ As he walked out of the room, he looked back. _Should I make some for Omi?_

Making tea calmed him. Measuring, pouring, steeping. He paused from time to time to listen. _What could he be saying?_ The murmur of Ken's voice carried to the kitchen, but Ran couldn't quite make out the words. _Doesn't matter._ He placed the pot in the center of the tray. _I'll take three cups._ The green glazed clay stood out against the black lacquered surface. _Is he trying to justify himself? Explain why he's so damn cozy with Crawford..._ He ran a finger over the glazed surface, refusing to pull away as the heat stabbed his fingers. _When it's cooled, I can pour some down Omi's throat._ He arranged the cups around the pot, careful to space them evenly. _Some fruit? Yes. I think so._ He glanced over at the door to Omi's room. _Give them a little more time..._

Ken still held Omi's hand when Ran returned. "Three cups?" He gestured toward the tray.

 _I know what you're referring to, Hidaka. The tray's the only thing around with cups. No. Calm. Don't let the irritation out._ Ran gave a small noise of agreement. "He'll eat and drink if you put things to his lips. It just requires patience." He made himself ignore the small voice that whispered, _It's not just irritation, is it?_

"Oh." Ken looked down at Omi. "I didn't really believe it, you know. I guess... Maybe I just hoped it wasn't true." He leaned forward and pushed hair off of Omi's forehead. "You better hurry up and get better, Omi." He cleared his throat and looked a little embarrassed. Then he let go of Omi's hand and pushed his chair back a little.

Ran set the tray on the bedside table. "They did make that thing hard to maneuver." He pulled it back a little then knelt to inspect the wheels. "I can fix this." _Do you want that?_

Ken craned his neck, trying to see. "Well..."

 _Why wouldn't you?_

Ken cleared his throat again. When he spoke again, he talked so fast the words ran together. "IkindofhaveadealwithCrawford--"

Ran froze. " _What_?" He pushed to his feet and glared down at Ken.

"I kind of have a deal with Crawford." Ken enunciated carefully this time, but he spoke very softly. "If I do something simple for him, he'll let Omi go. At least, once Omi wakes up..." He met Ran's eyes without wavering. "I almost got him to give me Yohji, too, but Naoe... Well... At least, I got to see him."

Sparks shot from five places in the walls and ceiling.

Ken flinched.

Ran blinked. _I guess Omi's going to join the conversation after all._

Omi opened his eyes and sat up. "I don't know how long we'll have--"

Ken jumped and made a choking noise.

Ran allowed himself a little smile. _I knew, and you didn't._

Omi swung his legs off the side of the bed. "I blew out dozens of different things all over the complex. I'm sure some of them are more important than monitoring us, but they'll send someone in soon to make sure the two of you aren't scheming."

Ken gave Omi an eager, almost hungry look. "You _are_ awake! I knew you had to be!"

 _Such simple faith, Hidaka. I wish..._ "Have some tea." Ran handed a cup to Omi.

Omi accepted it without comment, keeping his eyes on Ken's face, probably measuring his reaction.

"You blew things out? How?" Ken asked the question as if he had the right to know. He also didn't look at Ran as he accepted a cup of tea.

You _can ask that, can't you?_ Ran lifted his own cup and drank, trying to pretend that the liquid didn't burn as it went down. _Bet he'd tell you anyway. He trusts_ you.

Omi didn't answer for a moment; then he sighed and said, "You didn't think Schwarz were the only one with powers, did you?" He smiled and spread his hands. "We all know that computers like me."

Ken nodded as if that made sense to him.

Ran swallowed more tea. _That's more than I could get out of him._ He stared at his cup. _But aren't you being a little too disingenuous, Omi? And Hidaka's way too accepting._

"We'll have to be quick," Omi went on. "Ken-kun, I really need to know what's going on-- You said you saw Yohji. How did he seem? What did he say?"

Ken fidgeted. "He didn't really say much, actually." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Naoe was there, you see."

Ran frowned. _Whatever you saw bothered you, didn't it? What was it? I'd have thought it'd take something as... blatant as what's on those tapes to get through to you._

Omi nodded. "That makes sense... Tell me what you saw. Details."

"We met in Naoe's suite. I only saw the front room, so I can't tell you much about that."

"About _Yohji_ , Ken-kun. I don't care about the rooms."

Ran found himself raising his eyebrows. _He is worried. Well, yes, I knew that, but... I guess that is why he's acting so strange. Does he feel guilty? He wouldn't worry like that over me._

"Um..." Ken blinked. "Okay... Well, when I got there, Naoe was sitting on couch. Yohji was lying there with his head in Naoe's lap. Naoe was _petting_ him. At least, that's what it looked like. Running fingers through his hair sort of things... Yohji had his eyes closed, and he didn't look up when I came in. He was wearing... Yes, Yohji was wearing sweat pants, very loose, dark blue, and a matching sweatshirt, long sleeved."

Omi didn't quite bounce with impatience. "How was he? Was he hurt? Did Naoe-- _Nagi_ \--" His hands clenched. "Just tell me."

Ken looked a Omi for a moment then nodded. "He was thin, very, very thin. I think-- Do you know about the nanites?"

"We do," Ran replied. _Just so he doesn't forget I'm here, too._ He tugged at the bottom of his shirt. _Not that I matter. I'm not part of your team, am I, Hidaka? Did you even ask about getting_ me _out? Not that I could..._

 _I can't have it both ways._

"Good. That makes explaining easier." Ken forced a weak smile. "I saw bruises when the shirt slipped. I think someone tried to strangle him, and he moved like he hurt. The bruises were faded, couldn't have been more than about a day old... Unless there were worse injuries to be healed first. He said-- He said that Schuldig hurt him, that Naoe-- 'Nagi-san' he called him-- had rescued him."

Ran looked away. _Another reason to kill Schuldig. I haven't promised anybody that I won't do that, either..._ He let his mind wander briefly, imagining his katana gaining a closer acquaintance with Schuldig's body.

Omi pulled his knees up to his chest. "That's true as far as it goes..." He sighed and made a visible effort to relax. "That situation's complicated, very much so. I'll explain after you tell us about Yohji. Assuming we have time--" He looked toward the door.

 _I should pay attention. I can think about killing Schuldig any time._ Ran took a deep breath and centered his attention on the conversation again.

Ken turned to follow Omi's gaze. "I think we'll have time. Crawford wanted me to explain a few things to Ran." He glanced at Ran. "He said you might believe me but that you were sure to think he was lying."

Ran just kept himself from spitting. His lips curled in a sneer. "Are you sure he isn't?" He smoothed his expression and swallowed. _Just because I don't forget he's evil--_

Both Ken and Omi looked at Ran and then at each other. Ken shrugged. "He's a manipulative son of a bitch, and he's certainly hiding things, but... He doesn't _have_ to lie to us. There's nothing we can do--" He stopped and looked at Omi. "We're damned lucky, you know. His precognition's not really working right. He didn't exactly say, but I think he overdid things so that the harder he pushes the less well it works."

 _How can he protect Aya-chan if-- No. That's my job, not his._

"Interesting..." Omi's eyes went vague for a second.

 _That fits with something else he hasn't told me, doesn't it? He's scheming._ Ran sat down. _And why is Hidaka defending Crawford?_ "You _trust_ him!" He couldn't keep the accusation out of his voice. _And I don't want to._ "You're--" _No. Hidaka wouldn't-- He couldn't--_ He drew his eyebrows together and folded his arms across his chest. "You're working with him, aren't you?"

"No." Ken shook his head. "Or not exactly." He gave them a weak grin.

 _In denial, Hidaka?_ "Then why do you think he'd tell you the truth?"

"Actually--" Omi's expression sharpened, and he focused on Ken. "I'd like that answered, too."

 _About time._

"Well... Crawford thinks... He says..." Ken shook his head again. "It's hard to explain." He rubbed the side of his head. "Basically, I could become... like him. Sort of. There's a drug these people have that can bring out psychic powers and stuff if they're... Latent, that's the word. But they've got a hang up about not using it on people who don't say yes, so--" Ken shrugged.

 _He's hiding something._

"Anyway," Ken went on, "that's how I got in to see Yohji."

"Right. Yohji. Getting back to that--" Omi leaned forward.

Ran blinked. _How did he do that? He diverted_ Omi. _That's not normal. Omi's not usually that easily distracted, and Hidaka's not usually that... manipulative._ He glared at Ken.

Both of them ignored Ran. _Fine. Be that way._ He scowled and remained silent while Ken described his meeting with Yohji. Against his will, Ran was impressed by the details Ken recalled. _Of course, he has no idea what any of it means._

Omi's expression remained intent throughout Ken's report. Once in a while, Omi interpolated a question, seeking clarification and eliciting further details.

 _He's really worried about Kudoh. He's losing perspective._ Ran sighed and began building a picture of the scene in his head. _About so far from the door to the couch... The couch where Kudoh_ cuddled _with Naoe._ He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. _How could he? Fingers in his hair... stroking his back... his neck. Pressing his body against Naoe... Kissing... Surrendering..._ He swallowed heavily. _This is not a productive line of thought. And Schuldig's not even here pushing me. I'm fucking up on my own._

 _Kudoh's trying to survive. Why? Why would he want to after...? Is he still protecting Omi? Probably._ He clenched his hands. _While I'm accomplishing nothing. Give me a target, any target._ He glanced at Omi and saw that he looked pleased. _What--? Oh. Kudoh faked a fight with Hidaka. Protecting him, too, I suppose. That means he's still Kudoh. At least, Omi thinks so. Hm. Hidaka's pissed. Mostly at Kudoh._

 _It's understandable, but... Kudoh... Kudoh doesn't really deserve that. It's not his fault Hidaka couldn't rescue him._

He allowed himself a sour smile. _I bet that'd have been fun to watch. Naoe and Hidaka fighting over Kudoh, and Hidaka having to use words, effectively unarmed._

"...and then Naoe pushed me out the door," Ken concluded. "I expected them to bring me straight here, but Crawford wanted to talk."

"Can you get back in again?" Omi leaned forward as if physical intensity might affect the answer.

Ken shook his head regretfully. "Not soon enough to do any good. Naoe didn't really want to let me in the first time, and Crawford's authority there seems to be... incomplete." He darted a look at Ran.

 _What?_ Ran met Ken's glance with a glare. _Don't compare me and Naoe. I am_ not _like him. I follow Omi's orders. Mostly. Usually._ He looked at Omi and felt a little guilty. _Well, I don't-- I have priorities. It's not like Omi doesn't understand that I have to put my sister first. Ken doesn't have the right to imply that I--_

 _Well, he's never thought I was part of Weiss. Not really. And Omi..._

"What do you mean? Is it something we can exploit?" Omi didn't exactly relax; rather, he subsided. He didn't seem to notice the interplay between the other two men.

 _You do understand, don't you? I... I really need you to._

"Well... I think it relates to some of the things I need to tell you." Ken started massaging his good leg. "Sorry. I keep getting cramps."

"Let me." The words were out of Ran's mouth before he realized he was going to speak.

Ken looked startled, then nodded.

Ran stood and went to kneel beside the wheelchair. _See? I'm not completely useless._ He firmly closed his mind to the faint whisper. _No, just mostly..._ "You were saying?" He almost regretted the abruptness of his words. _Don't be silly. Hidaka understands that we don't have time to waste._

Ken cleared his throat. "This is all kind of complicated, really, but..." He looked at Omi and then at Ran. "You may know some of this already, but please don't ask me to skip anything. I'm having enough trouble keeping track of it all."

"Go on." Omi waved a hand. "I'm sure you'll give us everything important."

Ken shifted in his chair, moving his leg out from under Ran's hands. _Doesn't he want a massage_? Ran sat back on his heels and looked up at Ken's face. Ken gave him an apologetic shrug and moved back to his previous position. _No. I suppose his ass must be getting sore. That thing doesn't look like it's got much padding. How like Crawford._ Ran leaned forward again and put his hands on Ken's leg. _No loss of muscle mass. That's something, anyway. He won't need much PT to recover._

"Some of it I'm guessing about, the timing mostly. A couple of years ago, about the time we were dealing with that mess with the US military." Ken's face tightened briefly. "Right about then, Schwarz found new employers. Crawford had been looking for them for a while, I think, expecting them to arrive, and Schwarz was waiting for them.

"That's something else-- These people, the Taisken they call themselves, they don't come from Earth. They use some kind of weird technology to gate between worlds. They can only find new ones kind of accidentally, though, and this time, they found us." Ken shrugged. "You'll have to ask somebody else if you want details on how it works. I figured that it was enough to know that it does."

Omi nodded.

Ran prodded Ken's thigh, trying to locate the largest of the knots. _How like you, Hidaka._ He suppressed an annoyed sigh. _Knowing would help a lot._ He looked sideways at Omi. _Wouldn't it?_

"The Taisken Empire's huge, hundreds of planets. Except, 'empire' isn't really the word for it. There's no emperor, for one thing. It's kind of... It's like lots of little empires that have rules for dealing with each other. There's somebody called a 'High Lord'-- Who's sometimes a woman-- in charge of each one, and each little empire has to have at least one planet, sometimes more, but at least one."

"An oligarchy," Ran murmured. He pressed hard against Ken's leg, trying to force the muscles to relax.

Ken winced a little as Ran hit a stubborn knot. Then he pushed back against Ran's fingers, attempting to facilitate the pressure.

Omi smiled at the two of them. "Sounds like an accurate description, Ran-kun."

Ken shrugged. "Whatever. All the High Lords are part of a big council, and they rotate members in and out of a... triumvirate. To be a High Lord you need a few things-- At least one inhabited planet, extremely powerful telepathy and one other powerful psionic power, and sponsorship from somebody who's already a High Lord. The last... Well, some High Lords just kill people with the potential, but this one-- His name's Caio, by the way. Not that you should use it-- He does sponsor because he believes in building alliances."

Omi leaned forward as Ken spoke, his expression sharpening.

Ran let his hands continue their work unsupervised while he watched Omi. _That means something to him._

Omi settled back, looking thoughtful, as Ken finished. For a moment, Ran wasn't sure Omi was still paying attention. Then Omi said, "I'm going to want to come back to that. Go on."

 _He's scheming. That's good isn't it? We need a strategy beyond escaping. Oops..._ Ran pulled his hands back and risked a quick glance at Ken. _He's not annoyed. I really didn't mean to go that high._ He started kneading Ken's thigh again. _Maybe he didn't notice. I'm not sure I would have a couple of weeks ago._

"Crawford says this High Lord's the best chance we've got. Earth might fight him off, but that would just mean a different High Lord moving in, probably more than one, and Crawford says that would be worse. More people would die. They've found us now, and we can't hide. We can only try to pick which High Lord we work with."

Ran pulled his hands back as if scalded. _No!_ He felt his spine straighten as indignation moved him to some unspecified action. "You want us to _surrender_?" _Has Schuldig been messing with him? Hidaka doesn't-- He doesn't give up._ He looked at Omi who raised a hand as if to say, hear him out.

Ken ignored the interruption and continued serenely on, "Or try to field our own." He looked at Omi and shrugged. "But that's not easy. Crawford says he's certain that there's at least one person on Earth who'll work, that the High Lord will accept and sponsor. Crawford's Seen that much. He just can't See who that person is, where to find them." Ken paused and set his jaw, giving both of the others a brief, obstinate glare. "That's what he wants me for. He's Seen that I'll be able to See it."

 _For now, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but it sounds too damn easy. Crawford's lying to you, Hidaka. He always does._ Ran started the massage again, working near Ken's knee. He lifted Ken's leg a little and bent and straightened it at the knee.

Omi frowned and opened his mouth.

"There's another good reason for me to do this--" Ken rushed the words out before Omi could interrupt. "People with strong psionics automatically have rank in the High Lord's court. I'll outrank Crawford in that way. Ow! Hey--" He glared at Ran.

Ran unclenched his fingers. "Sorry." He couldn't manage to put much sincerity into his tone. _Not because I'm not sorry, but--_ "Crawford." He let the snarl in his voice serve as his explanation. _And why would Crawford set you up to be above him? More lies._

Ken nodded. "The rank thing is complicated. The High Lord's big on ranking people by ability and not letting offices be hereditary, but he gives some hereditary stuff so that people don't worry about what will happen to their kids." He frowned. "I don't understand all the details... There are civil service exams, merit based promotions, a lot of factors figure in, but the upshot is that Crawford and Naoe kind of stepped into the top of the aristocracy. Schuldig's powerful enough to be taken seriously, but telepathy's more common, and he's... undisciplined. Say that Crawford and Naoe are in the top one percent of the population while Schuldig's only in the top five or ten."

"Telepathy's _common_?" Ran couldn't quite stop the question. Visions of hundreds, thousands, millions of Schuldigs bubbled in his mind. _No. They can't all be like him._

Ken looked at him and nodded. "Relatively." He frowned and seemed to search for words. "If I understand right, a lot of people have powers that are just latent. The Taisken know how to bring them out in a lot of different ways, and telepathy's the second most common. Empathy of some sort is the first. At least, among humans."

"'At least, among humans,'" Omi repeated. "That implies--" He nodded abruptly. "Yes. Non-humans make sense."

 _He doesn't sound all that surprised. Hell,_ I'm _not all that surprised. It explains some of the people I've seen._

Ken simply nodded in response. "But most powers aren't strong enough to do a lot with. I mean, they can be useful, but they're kind of... limited. Empathy that only works if you can touch someone and isn't very strong even then. Telepathy that only works with one specific other person. Telekinesis that can move a piece of paper. If you're creative, you can do something with them, maybe even a lot, but it's not enough for rank."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "That's not everything, but I think it's the main points. Crawford's been throwing documentation at me, and some of it, a lot of it, is pretty crappy. I think most of it's meant for kids, kind of condescending." He forced a smile. "He's got a really low opinion of my intelligence."

Omi jumped to his feet and started pacing. "This explains a lot." He reached the end of the room and turned back. "There've been a lot of holes in our intelligence. Well, not holes so much. I had the pieces to fill the holes but no frame to put them in." He kept moving as if that were an aid to thought. "I'm going to need to know more about how rank works, where exactly you'll stand, that sort of thing. It'll affect all of Weiss." He frowned. "Some sort of list of how they classify powers, what they think people can do... Also--" He stopped and looked down at the floor.

 _That's odd. Not very Omi. Will he tell us? No, will he tell_ me _? I bet he'll tell Hidaka. He hasn't trusted me with anything important so far._ Ran rubbed his hands gently up and down Ken's thigh. _I've done what I can with that, but... It's nice to touch somebody... No! I'm not that weak. I don't need them, any of them. Especially not when they don't want me._

Trying not to let his unhappiness show, Ran pulled his hands back and sighed. "Did that help?"

Ken nodded absently, still looking at Omi. "Computers must _really_ like you." His tone seemed almost questioning.

Omi shrugged and started pacing again.

 _You still know something I don't._ Ran frowned. "You mean something by that--" He stood up and looked down at Ken. Then he glared at Omi. "Tell me. Both of you. I think I deserve to know."

Omi froze and looked surprisingly guilty.

Ken looked from one man to the other. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then stopped and shook his head. His lips curved a little in an amused smile.

Ran clenched his hands into fists. _So I'm funny, am I?_ "You'd really rather work with him, wouldn't you?" Ran couldn't quite manage not to snarl at Omi, and Omi's suddenly widening eyes and hurt expression caused a pang of guilt. _No. I won't let him do that to me. Not this time._ "Too bad, isn't it? You're fucking stuck with me!" _I knew you'd rather work with Kudoh, and it's obvious now you'd rather work with Hidaka. I guess I know where I stand in the scheme of things!_ Ran felt cold, as if he'd dived into a snowbank. He wrapped his arms around his body, trying to stop himself from shaking. _If you had one of them to back you up, would you still be sitting here?_

He turned away from them. _I'm looking like an idiot. I need dignity. It's all I have left._ "You made up your minds about me a long time ago, didn't you?" _All I've got left._ He repeated the words silently. He pulled his arms more tightly around his body. _I don't even have Aya-chan anymore. There's no point..._

Ran felt a sudden tug as Ken wrapped a hand in the back of his shirt and pulled, spinning Ran back to face him and then shifting grip to pull Ran's face level with his own. "You're an asshole, Ran," Ken said with affectionate irritation.

Ran blinked. _Where's his other hand?_

Ken's fist slammed into Ran's jaw, and Ran staggered back as Ken let go of his shirt.

 _Oh._ He landed hard. The world went red and gray for just the briefest moment. _He pulled his goddamn punch!_ Indignation gave Ran a focus and helped him surge to his feet. "You're going to have to do better than that!" he snarled, throwing himself at Ken.

With one arm, Ken diverted Ran's headlong rush so that Ran's fingers closed on air. Ken's other hand drove into Ran's stomach, leaving him gasping for air.

 _I just lost a fight with a guy in a wheelchair._ Ran curled himself around his wounded ego. _And he wasn't really even trying._

Omi laughed.

Ran pulled himself in tighter. _Here it comes..._ He forced himself to open his eyes and look at the other two men. _They don't need me. They don't want me. I don't belong._ He was surprised at how much that hurt. _It shouldn't matter. That's how I wanted it. How I_ want _it. Nothing's changed._

"Ran-kun--" Omi lifted Ran to a sitting position. "You're an idiot."

 _Nothing's changed._ He flinched and pulled away. _Yes. It has._ Omi let him go, but Ran found himself feeling weak, wanting... something. _No, it can't._ I _can't._ "Leave me alone." He looked for ice, for detachment. _It's not there any more._ "I'm sure the two of you have lots to talk about." _Without me._ "I'll just go now..."

Ken snorted. "Should I hit him again?" he asked Omi.

"Do you think it would help?" Omi studied Ran with an expression that seemed made up of equal parts amusement, irritation and sadness.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Ran backed away from Omi, shifting to bring himself up on his knees. _I need to get out of here._ "Why don't you two talk and I'll..." He paused, searching for inspiration. _What_ can _I do for them?_ "I'll make you some dinner?" Even before he finished speaking, even before his teammates turned nearly identical frowns on him, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. _Stupid. Stupid. At least sound like you mean it!_

"I doubt it," Ken said, answering Omi's question. "He hasn't been this bad in years. How on earth did you let him get this bad, Omi?"

Omi didn't answer at first. He just looked away. "It wasn't intentional."

"He's worried about Kudoh. And about you. The _real_ members of Weiss." Ran tried to put simple acceptance into his tone. _That's just how things are. No matter what I want._

Omi's hands clenched into fists then slowly relaxed. "Oh, Ran-kun..." He sighed then looked at Ken in obvious appeal. "Maybe he'll believe it if _you_ tell him. Apparently he and I aren't communicating very well."

One corner of Ken's mouth turned up in a slightly bitter smile.

 _I-- Ken doesn't do bitter. Or does he just hide it better than the rest of us?_

"Ran, pay attention. I don't want to say this more than once." Ken leaned forward and down to put his face on a level with Ran's. "You _are_ Weiss. You always have been. It was _never_ your decision because we're family. You're a thick headed pain in the ass, but you're ours, and we don't abandon our own. Ever."

"But-- Aya-chan--" Ran shook his head.

Ken sat back in his chair. "Moron." The word was somehow affectionate. "She's family, too."

"But--" _This is moving too fast. It doesn't--_ "That's not how it works! She's-- She's _my_ sister!"

"She's always been our sister, too, idiot. Because you're Weiss. You're the only one who didn't see it."

 _Wait._ Ken _thinks Aya-chan-- That_ I'm _family? But... He's_ never _trusted me! But he doesn't-- He's not-- He can't lie worth a damn, and--_ Ran stood up. The room felt unbalanced around him, and he wanted something to lean on. He looked at Omi who met his eyes and nodded solemnly. _Omi thinks so, too._

Ken's expression became more serious. "She's also the only one of us who's absolutely safe right now. You may hate it, but Crawford really does love her."

"You don't-- I can't-- You don't _know_ that." Ran backed toward the wall.

Omi walked a parallel course. "All the evidence points that way." He reached the wall as Ran did and leaned against it.

Ken shrugged. "I think she loves him, too, but that doesn't really matter. Crawford's accepted responsibility for her well being, and that's something the High Lord takes _very_ seriously. She's safe."

 _I can't! Fuck! They're confusing me. I'm stronger than that! I should just walk out, leave, escape..._ "Not-- Nobody-- Hell." _I don't_ want _to. I should, but I-- I want-- I..._ He collapsed against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor again. "I don't understand," he whispered.

"I know." Omi sounded sad.

 _Don't believe it. He can sound like anything. But... I want him to be telling the truth. I_ need _Weiss and not just... It's not about Aya-chan any more._

"That's mostly my fault, Ran-kun." Omi shrugged. "I've been assuming-- You _looked_ fine, so I focused on other things. Of course--" Omi's laugh sounded a little bitter. "I should have remembered that you always look fine. Except when you're looking homicidal."

 _But I haven't been fine, and he knows that..._ "I don't understand," Ran repeated, meaning much more than he had in responding to Ken. _Not that I need anything, but... If I'm part of Weiss, then why hasn't he-- I_ can _stand alone. I just... don't want to. Not any more. I always had to... for Aya-chan. Maybe..._

 _But Aya-chan..._

"Yeah, Omi--" Ken sounded amused. "It's all your fault. Everything, starting with Kritiker selling us out. Crawford and the rest of Schwarz have nothing to do with it. Right, Ran?"

 _That's right, Hidaka. Protect Omi._ Ran forced a snort of laughter. "Innocent as babies, the lot of them." _I can do that, too._

Ken's eyes widened, and then he laughed. "You can't be too bad off, Ran, if you can still make jokes."

Omi shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Why don't we sit some place other than the floor? You can't be comfortable down there."

 _Avoiding the issue, Omi?_ Ran took a deep breath and leaned forward to start climbing to his feet. _Well, I've-- I've been avoiding it, too._ He considered that as he sat on the chair next to the bed. _Definitely more comfortable._ He took another deep breath to center himself. _The first step is to face it. Then I'll decide..._ "So, Omi, how _do_ you work this magic with the computer?"

Once again, Omi looked guilty. "Well, Ran-kun--"

"Let me explain, Omi," Ken interrupted. "I think I know what's going on, and I'd like to see how close I am." He reached for the wheels of his chair, made an attempt to turn the chair to give him a better view of Ran and Omi, then shook his head in irritation. "Would one of you--?"

"Sure, Ken-kun." Omi took hold of the back of the chair. "Exactly where do you want to be?"

"I want to be able to see both of you."

Omi nodded.

"Ken--" _I don't want to wait while you come up with believable lies._

"Give me a second, Ran." As Omi turned the chair, Ken met Ran's eyes briefly. "There. That's good." He grinned at both of them. "If we weren't having to watch out for unexpected company, I'd move up there myself. It has to be softer than this thing." He gestured at his chair.

Ran continued looking steadily at Ken. "So tell me."

"Let me know if I go too far off track, Omi." Ken leaned back in his seat.

 _There's something wrong with Ken knowing everything... I want my old world back. The Koneko... Even that damned RV._

"My guess is that Omi's got his own form of psychic ability." Ken looked questioningly at Omi.

"I think so." Omi shrugged. "I just do it, though. I don't really know how it works."

A brief, very unhappy frown crossed Ken's face. Then it vanished as if it had never existed.

 _Did I imagine that?_ Ran looked from Ken to Omi. Omi wasn't looking. _He didn't see it. If it was anything at all..._

"There's a rare ability on the list of talents that the Taisken acknowledge. The name translates to..." Ken frowned again, this time in consideration. "I guess 'cyberpsi' is as close as I can get. It's a form of energy manipulation and is usually a pretty low powered sort of thing. Usually people who've got it just have a sort of talent for getting better performance out of computers, electronics, that sort of thing. Some of them can open any door or break any password." He looked from Omi to Ran and back again. "Sound familiar?"

Ran nodded. _Like Omi always was._ He frowned. _When did it change? I should have noticed. He should have told us._ "What changed?" He tried to keep the accusation out of his voice but knew he'd failed when Omi turned away.

"Things got... weird... after Ouka-chan died."

 _He sounds so lost... No. It's Omi. But how would I feel if Aya-chan--_ Ran shook his head, trying to dislodge the image of his sister dying in his arms. He wrapped his arms around his body. _Nothing's going to happen to her. I'll protect her-- But I can't. I can't._

 _And she doesn't want me to._

"That would do it." Ken seemed satisfied. "Trauma can activate or... enhance powers. Crawford keeps telling me how I should be glad they've got drugs. Says I wouldn't like how he was taught."

"You... almost seem to _like_ him..." Ran almost didn't recognize his own voice. _I sound weak. I can't sound weak! I can't--_

 _Why not? Aya-chan doesn't need me. Weiss doesn't need me._

"Like him? No way." Ken sounded certain. "I understand him, though, and he can't afford to hurt me. He also doesn't trust anybody except your sister, and he doesn't want to worry her, so..." He gave a one armed shrug. "He talks at me a lot. And I think I can work with him. He's no worse than some of the Kritiker operatives we've met."

Ran opened his mouth, intending to protest, but couldn't find the words. _He really loves her? And she really loves him? No, please... Why him?_ "Why couldn't she get involved with someone normal?" _And where do I fit in that?_

"If Ken-kun's right-- And I suspect he is--" Omi passed Ran his cup of tea. "If he is, then Crawford's capable of keeping her safe."

Ran sighed and relaxed as he sipped the tea. _I can't answer that. Wait-- Weren't we talking about Omi just a minute ago? How'd he get out from under that? Like I need to ask. He's good at that. I'm so tired..._ "She doesn't need me any more, does she?"

Omi went still for a second. "She still loves you, Ran-kun. Nothing'll make her stop."

 _Omi's sounding weird again. Not quite like him... But he's him, so..._ "I _know_ that."

"She doesn't need you, Ran." Ken said, responding to the earlier question. "She's safe. She's in love. Crawford's quite capable of taking care of her."

Ran managed a glare at Ken. _I'd rather not have that shoved in my face._

Ken leaned forward. "But we need you." He met Ran's eyes. "I'm going to be going deep cover. You and Omi-- Well, somebody's got to back Omi up when I can't. Yohji's hurt bad, and you're a better front line fighter anyway. There's nobody I'd rather trust to look after them." He nodded to emphasize the point. "Can I count on you?"

Ignoring a sound of protest from Omi, Ran sat up. _Should I? Can I?_ He opened his mouth, not quite sure what he was going to say. "Yes. Yes, you can."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Hope of Dawn, Olna Jenn and Tritorella for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Nagi sighed and felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as the door shut behind him. _I'm no closer to figuring out what's wrong with the damn computer, but I was definitely right not to hook Yohji up to the damn thing. The blowout this afternoon proved that. Pity it didn't fry her..._

Telat had been sitting on the couch when he'd entered and immediately rose to her feet, bowing deeply. "Kudoh-san is sleeping, sir." She spoke in Japanese and didn't meet his eyes.

"Good." He suppressed a surge of disappointment. _Was I expecting him to greet me at the door like a devoted housewife? Well... It would have been... nice._ "Did he eat?"

"Several times, sir. He... The kitchen seemed to make him nervous."

 _She looks distressed. Why? Or is it just language hangover? I wonder if she could manage a sentence in any language other than Japanese right now..._ He allowed amusement from that thought to buoy him. _I'd much rather it was personal distress than something about Yohji._ "How so?"

"Naoe-san, I... He asked me to explain how things worked. I did. He... I think he didn't want to believe me." She looked at the floor and twisted her fingers together. "He made me... demonstrate several times."

Nagi blinked. _The kitchen. What-- Oh._ "Did he learn how to heat and chill things?" he asked mildly. _How to find things, too..._

She looked up and gave him a tentative smile. "Yes, but he wasn't really convinced that some of the food was safe."

 _She's so easy to reassure. Pity Yohji won't be as easy._ "How long has he been asleep?" He walked past her to look at his aquarium. The corals almost glowed in the light from the sun lamps. He smiled at the contrasting blues, pinks and oranges, letting his eyes unfocus a little so that they softened and blurred into each other, contrasting with the background browns and whites. _Did Yohji spend any time looking at this today?_ He spread his fingers against the glass as a small striped fish darted past. This close in, he could see small particles in the water. _Hm... Need to clean the filter again._

"A bit more than an hour." She remained silent for a moment then said, "Sir...?"

He waited a few seconds before turning back to her. "Yes?" _I've never seen anyone actually wringing their hands before. What's she so upset about?_

"Well, sir... Kudoh-san, he asked me... He wanted me to..." She pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket.

 _For god's sake, finish a sentence woman!_ Nagi extended his hand. "Yes?" His irritation sharpened the word. "What did he want?"

"He asked me to take it to the red haired man, Mr. Crawford's... brother-in-law." She stumbled a little both over the form of address and over the relationship.

 _Both Crawford and I insist on being addressed according to our native customs. I suppose it's humorous in a way._ He took the paper and unfolded it. His mouth set in a hard line, and his teeth pressed hard together. _What does Yohji have to say to Fujimiya? They have nothing to say to each other. Not now. Not ever._ He half crumpled the paper and had to smooth it out again before reading it.

Ran,

Your sister's safe; I'm sure of it. Crawford seems to be devoted to her. I'm fine, too. Take Omi and Ken and get them out. Aya-chan and I both have people to look after us. The three of you have no reason to worry about us, and we'll be better off if we don't have to worry about you.

You're the only one who can get them out. Just do it.

Yohji

Nagi read the note through three times then refolded it carefully and handed it back to Telat. "Go ahead and deliver it." _I wouldn't mind if those three weren't around anymore, and it's about time Fujimiya got the news that Yohji's mine. No matter what Fujimiya wants, how hard he fights._ He smiled. "Thank you for showing this to me. You did the right thing."

She gave him a deep bow.

The day's tension started to ease. _It's good to be home. And Yohji's acknowledging that he belongs with me._ The notion warmed him, rather like a good meal or a cup of hot chocolate. "Is there anything else?" _No? Good. Get out._ But for once he felt no particular animosity toward her. _I just want some privacy... with Yohji._ "You may go. I'll call you if we need you again."

She bowed again and turned to leave.

"Oh, and let my assistant know what your decision is about your next assignment. He'll know what to do." _Although until you're able to speak Taisken easily again, trying to talk to him won't do you much good._

"Thank you, Naoe-san." She bowed again then left.

He relaxed fully once she was gone. _Time to look in on Yohji._ He walked quickly toward the bedroom then hesitated in the doorway. _Why do I care so much?_ He shook his head. _It doesn't matter. I like having him here._

Yohji lay curled up on the bed, facing the door. He'd wrapped himself around a pillow. _I should find out what happened to the cat... No. He probably bled on it. Just get a new one. No. I'm sure it can be cleaned, and it was the first gift I gave him._

Nagi crossed the room without really thinking about it. _He looks so right there. Mine._ He reached out to smooth Yohji's hair.

Yohji tensed minutely, and his hand shot out to grab Nagi's arm. Then his eyes opened, and he flinched. His arm fell to the bed, his fingers just short of Nagi's hand. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san," he whispered. He didn't quite look at Nagi but rather focused his eyes on his hand. His whole body seemed tense. "I-- I was asleep. I didn't know it was you." He raised his head, and Nagi saw that the pillowcase had left a dent across Yohji's face.

Nagi let go of the energy he'd gathered instinctively. _The killer is still in there. Good. He was afraid he'd lost it._ "That's all right, Yohji-kun. I didn't mean to wake you." He inhaled slowly. _But I almost... overreacted. I thought Crawford said I was past that... That I wouldn't hurt Yohji just by losing my temper again._ "How are you feeling?" He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Yohji's hair.

"I'm fine." Yohji hesitated just for a second then leaned his head against Nagi's leg. "I was just a little... tired, and she was dull. I missed you."

 _Did you? I... I'd like to think so._ Nagi sighed. "You're looking better. I think the bruises will be gone tomorrow." _Did Crawford lie to me? Or did he just not See it? If he wasn't sure-- I might still kill someone without meaning to._

"I really _am_ sorry. I meant to be awake when you came home--" Yohji's voice held just the barest hint of panic, but he remained completely still under Nagi's hands.

 _What? Oh..._ "I'm not angry with you, Yohji-kun. It's something else, not you." Nagi smiled and put up some sketchy mental shields. _I hope this helps._ "I've started looking into someone to teach you about empathy. I think I've found the right person, but... The language barrier is a problem for the next few days." _Will he ask? I bet he will._

Yohji frowned. "I don't understand that. Yesterday, that woman couldn't speak a word of Japanese. Today, she couldn't manage anything but."

"I had her programmed with the language. It's a fairly simple process. Well, it is now." He pushed his remembered irritation behind his shields. "For some reason, Japanese wasn't one of the available languages until I asked about it last week. They had German and English and Mandarin and Spanish and Russian but not Japanese."

"Programmed?" Yohji sounded dubious.

"It's easy, really. Just a bit of time with a computer sending signals to your brain. I've gotten several languages that way. The worst side-effect is that you usually can't speak anything but the new language for a day or two."

Yohji fixed his eyes on Nagi's face. "There's more to it. Why can she have it and I can't? You're not going to convince me that Taisken's not available." His expression combined puzzlement with shrewd suspicion.

"Well..." Nagi found himself suddenly reluctant to explain out loud how little he had cared if Telat's brain got fried. _Not that he doesn't know. But hell-- Why_ should _I care? She's utterly replaceable._ He ran his fingers through Yohji's hair and started to relax a little. _I have to explain, though. Otherwise-- I bet he thinks I want him helpless. Doesn't he realize I_ want _the killer?_ "The complex's main computer is acting... weird. There've been some things overloading, data getting eaten, that sort of thing. Until we isolate the cause and fix it, programming a person is a bit of risk. I spent the afternoon working on the problem. Crawford doesn't trust anybody else with it."

Yohji stared at Nagi for a moment then looked away.

"I won't put you in danger like that." Nagi felt he had to emphasize that point.

"So I'm valuable?" Yohji didn't sound entirely happy about it.

Nagi set his jaw and took a deep breath. After a brief hesitation, he said, "Very much so. At least to me." Nagi ran fingers along Yohji's jaw. _Hm. He needs to shave again. Speaking of which..._ "The next few days may get a little confusing. Crawford's requested a stand alone language unit which won't be affected by our computer problems-- He doesn't want to risk harming Fujimiya-- but it's going to take some time to arrive." _Carefully. He's not going to like this._ "Tomorrow afternoon, I've got you scheduled for a simple medical procedure--"

Yohji's jaw tightened, and his hands clenched. He looked down at the sheets. Nagi saw him shudder.

"Relax, Yohji-kun. It's... cosmetic and painless. I don't like you with stubble." He touched the tip of Yohji's chin. "This will stop your beard permanently and not affect _you_ at all." He smiled. "Unless you think you're defined by your hair follicles..." _It will please me, Yohji-kun. And eliminate some... negative associations. Better for both of us._

Yohji managed a weak smile.

 _Close enough._ "We'll also be seeing some people about clothing and about planning new quarters, and I plan to introduce you to your empathy teacher. I-- or Telat-- will translate for you." _I won't always be able to be around. Much as I'd prefer to be._ Yohji winced, and Nagi realized that he'd tightened his grip on Yohji's hair. He relaxed his hand and smiled in apology. "For tonight, I've got something more relaxing planned."

For just a moment, Yohji looked dubious. Then he nuzzled at Nagi's thigh. "I'm sure I can come up with some ideas--" he purred, rubbing his face gently against Nagi's crotch.

Nagi's gut tightened, and for a second, he couldn't breathe as his body responded to the stimulation. _Oh-- Yes!_ He shifted a little, automatically trying to give Yohji better access. _This wasn't-- Oh, god!_ He buried his hands in Yohji's hair.

Yohji was doing something with Nagi's pants, but Nagi couldn't spare attention to think about what. Yohji pulled back. "May I use my hands?" He kept his head bent, eyes lowered. He made no attempt to escape Nagi's hold.

 _What?_ Nagi blinked. _Hands?_ He stared at Yohji then shifted uncomfortably as he realized just how tight his pants had become. _Oh!_ "Go ahead." _Just finish what you damn well started! Wait-- Isn't this a bad idea? I wasn't planning-- Not this, not now. But--_ He shifted his grip on Yohji's head so that he could see his face. He leaned in to kiss Yohji's forehead. "My Yohji," he whispered, trying to project feelings of affection and tenderness to temper his lust. _He is volunteering, after all..._

Yohji's hands trembled visibly as he reached for Nagi's belt.

Nagi rocked his hips a little, silently urging Yohji to continue. He closed his eyes for a second. _That felt so good last time-- Last time!_ A jolt of doubt went through him at the thought. He clenched his hands and attempted to think of something other than his arousal. "Yohji-- This is your choice-- not like-- last time--" _Though if you keep doing_ that _, I'm damn well not going to let you stop!_

Yohji finished opening Nagi's fly and pressed a kiss against the tiny bit of flesh visible between boxers and shirt. He rubbed his cheek against the fabric covered bulge. "Last time _was_ my choice," he replied calmly. "It just... I wasn't... ready."

 _Good enough._ Nagi lifted his hips to make pulling his clothing down easier. "No-- No further." He put a hand on one of Yohji's, preventing him from pulling his pants any lower. _I'm still that much in control. I--_ Yohji ran his tongue along the length of Nagi's cock, effectively interrupting the thought. He had to put his hands behind him to keep from collapsing backward. All his attention focused on his cock and on what Yohji was doing to it.

Warm wetness, just a hint of rough texture. He gasped as Yohji moved, leaving trails of warmth to cool. His fingers clenched on the sheets as Yohji finally wrapped his lips around his cock. He thrust upward, desperately wanting more. More warmth. More wetness. More contact. More...

It ended faster than he'd expected. His body tightened as he tried to hold on, but Yohji seemed to know exactly what to do to force him to lose control. He thrust upward one last time then gasped and shook with his release. He collapsed backward and lay gasping for several seconds.

Then he reached down to touch Yohji's hair. He felt a sudden, not wholly unpleasant chill as Yohji released his cock and laid his head on Nagi's thigh. _I like having him there._ He sighed. _But I want him to feel... cherished now._ He smiled. "Come up here, Yohji." He tried to make it a request rather than an order but wasn't sure he succeeded.

Yohji hesitated, pressing his face against Nagi's leg. Then he sat up and used his arms to pull himself to where he could lie down next to Nagi.

Nagi turned to take Yohji in his arms and pulled Yohji's head to rest on his shoulder. He laid his fingers over Yohji's lips and said, "Thank you." _I could kiss him. That would be nice... No._ He barely managed to contain a shudder. _I bet he tastes like-- Bad idea. Very bad idea._ He pressed his body up against Yohji's, and Yohji obligingly relaxed against him, face neutral and his breathing even.

Nagi ran his hand through Yohji's hair and down his back, making small soothing noises as he moved. _I wonder what this would feel like longer, much longer..._ He could feel each strand as it passed between, under his fingers. _We can find out._ "Have you ever worn your hair longer than this?" He lifted some of it and let the strands fall slowly from his fingers.

Yohji shook his head without raising it from its resting place on Nagi's shoulder. "No. Didn't want to look like a _girl_..." he mumbled into Nagi's shirt.

Nagi laughed " _That_ seems unlikely. Which is just as well. If I wanted a girl, I'd get one." _And I really could, couldn't I? I doubt anybody'd blink if I built a harem. Well, Schuldig'd make snide--_ The recollection that Schuldig wasn't speaking to him ended his amusement abruptly.

Yohji's steady breathing stopped for about two seconds then resumed.

Nagi tightened his grip on Yohji. "It's all right, Yohji-kun. Just a passing thought. Nothing to do with you..." _Well, not directly._ "It's been a long and frustrating day, and some of it is hanging on." He rubbed Yohji's back and concentrated on recapturing the peace and pleasure he'd felt minutes before. "Would you like to go out tonight? I was thinking of a picnic and some star gazing..."

"Really?" Yohji twisted to look at Nagi's face. "Out? Just us?" His voice was half longing, half terror.

"Yes, really outside." Nagi couldn't keep from smiling. "I think you'll enjoy it. The garden's not as nice as it could be right now... I got kind of angry the other day and took it out on the walkways and benches. For some reason, at the time, it seemed better than taking it out on Crawford. But out beyond that, I've got my own spot for looking at the sky."

Yohji settled his head back on Nagi's shoulder and turned his face in toward Nagi's chest. "That'll be very nice. Thank you, Nagi-san."

*******'

Yohji pushed one foot carefully forward, probing for safe ground. _Thank god he gave me shoes. This crap'd cut the hell out of my feet otherwise._ He hesitated and looked around, trying to get a better impression of what Nagi had assured him was a beautiful garden, but the darkness hid all but a general sense of shape to the badly broken pathway and its flanking bushes. _I think those are topiaries back there. And judging by the scent, there's a shitload of flowers around. Somebody's put a lot of time and money into the landscaping._ He stumbled forward, toes connecting hard with one of the larger pieces of debris as Nagi tugged at the light leather leash fastened to Yohji's neck and wrists. _Fuck! I keep forgetting. Hasn't he humiliated me enough?_

"Are you all right, Yohji-kun?" Nagi stopped and looked back, letting the leash fall slack between them. Yohji could feel his concern.

 _How's he managing so easily?_ Yohji glanced at Nagi's feet. _Are they even touching the ground?_ "I think I need to go a little slower, Nagi-san, or maybe walk on the grass." _I should be better at this. It's my job! I sneak around in the dark all the time, and I'm really not that badly hurt any more. Not really. Yeah, but if I were sneaking through here, I wouldn't be walking on this--_ Yohji'd bent to investigate when they'd first emerged from the building, while they were still close enough for light from the window to let him see details. _Not a piece larger than the palm of my hand and not many of those. And_ he _did this. Because he was angry. I'm not going to think about that. Not._

"We can walk on the grass for a little bit." Nagi frowned thoughtfully. He touched Yohji's cheek. "I'm sorry, Yohji-kun. I should have thought to bring a light. I know the way so well I don't need one." He shrugged. "We'll come back during the day some time, so you can do more than smell the flowers."

Yohji studied what he could see of Nagi's face. _What does he want?_ "How can we have a picnic in the dark?" He was afraid he sounded petulant, but he couldn't seem to avoid it. _I hate not knowing what's going on. And I can't ask._ "And we're not carrying any food--"

"I ordered a blanket and a meal set up out here before I left my office. If we hadn't... If we hadn't indulged in that very pleasant... interlude, it'd still be light out." Nagi sounded amused. He looked Yohji up and down and then looked at the path ahead of them. "There's a light waiting for us there, too. I thought we'd need it on the way back in."

 _So he didn't expect a blowjob? But he was-- is-- pleased about it. Volunteering was the right thing to do._ Yohji considered the aftermath. _Cuddling. That was... nice. Then clean clothes, even shoes and socks for the first time. Even if I did balk at the... leash._ He closed his eyes. _Did he think I wouldn't? That giving me other things would make that--_ He tried to remember the expression on Nagi's face as he'd offered Yohji the choice between a delicate silver chain with equally delicate wrist cuffs and collar and a similar set up made of soft leather. He'd smiled as Yohji had tested both leashes and realized they were useless as actual restraints. _No. He knew I wouldn't like it. He just... let me have a little control. Deliberately. And he did_ feel _like he was telling the truth when he said it was 'necessary.'_

"I just don't want to twist my ankle." Yohji shrugged, trying to look as if he didn't care. _I don't want to look even more... stupid, don't want to be more helpless._ "Whatever suits you, Nagi-san."

"I could always carry you..."

Nagi's amusement at the thought made Yohji want to smile even as his words made him want to cringe. _No. Please. Leave me some dignity._ "I can manage, and it's... nice to have a chance to stretch my legs." _Not that I can stop you..._

"All right." Nagi turned away. "This way then."

Yohji found his efforts to note details as he passed through the garden frustrated both by the darkness and by his need to concentrate on his footing. _I wonder if I'll be able to see the nearest city? Probably. That'll at least be useful. If I could just see the flowers, I'd have some idea where we might be. Being a damned florist has to be good for something._

Eventually, they reached a path that hadn't been torn up by Nagi's power. Yohji kept his sigh of relief silent as he felt an even, paved surface under his feet. From what he could see the path was about a meter wide, with carefully pruned trees to either side. _At least, I assume they're pruned. I haven't run into any branches yet, and I can see the sky. I wish the moon were fuller; a crescent's not enough to see anything by. Just shadows of leaves._

"We're nearly there, Yohji-kun." Yohji could feel Nagi's uncomplicated enjoyment in sharing something special to him. "I think you'll really like the view."

 _Maybe this won't be so bad. He doesn't feel like he's planning anything awful. There's a little bit of anticipation, like he thinks he'll surprise me, but it's... There's no cruelty, no sense of power over me. Maybe... Don't bother hoping._ He took a moment to look up at the sky. "I'm sure it'll be beautiful, Nagi-san." He made himself smile a little, remembering that Nagi could 'see' with his power. He took a deep breath. "I'm already enjoying the fresh air." _The heavy scent of flowers bred for show and perfume. Fertilizer. Damp soil. Does he even know what he's smelling? It's like a bit of home..._

 _Home. Right. There's irony for me. I don't think any of us thought of it that way. It was a place we were passing through... A place none of us could leave._

The path slanted upward. Yohji hesitated for a second, trying to judge the angle. _It's not just up. I think we're going along the side of something. Circling up. Just how high up will we be? I wish I had light--_

"Nagi-san--" _What am I going to ask?_

Nagi turned back to look at Yohji. "Yes?"

 _I'm a moron. Damn it! Say something!_ "Why is this--" He tugged gently on the leash. "--necessary? I'm not going to run." _Yet. The damn thing can't be just decorative. He didn't_ feel _like that about it._

Nagi frowned briefly then smiled. "Not yet anyway." He continued walking forward, no longer looking at Yohji. For a long moment, he didn't say anything.

Yohji focused his attention on Nagi's back. _Is he even going to answer?_

"It's a symbol, like a caste marker but not. The Taisken are big on those. Normally, everybody, no matter who they are, wears _something_ that tells people who they are, where they fit in, who they answer to. We're kind of lax about it here, apart from special occasions, but you... Slaves _always_ wear a mark. Always. And... As long as you wear mine, only someone who outranks me can touch you without my permission. On this base, that means Crawford. Kind of." Nagi shrugged.

 _That feels... complicated. Pleasure and guilt and loyalty and pride and doubt and ambition and... I think the pleasure's from protecting me mostly, but I just don't think I want to... I'm not going to ask about Crawford._ Yohji tangled his fingers in the soft leather of the leash. "And if-- What if I weren't wearing it? Or if you..." _What if you take it away?_

"If I take it away and I don't replace it with something else, then I've thrown you to the wolves." Nagi didn't look back.

 _And you're not saying you won't._ Yohji's fingers tightened on the leather. _Not that I'd believe you if you did..._

"Don't go out without me." Nagi stopped and turned. He put his hands on Yohji's cheeks and pulled him down for a brief kiss. "I'm having something a little more permanent, a lot nicer, than this--" He tugged lightly at the collar. "--made for you."

 _Great. Something else to look forward to._ Yohji suppressed his shudder by leaning against Nagi. _He's warm, and he... He_ likes _me. He wants to protect me._

Nagi put his arms around Yohji. "I changed the rules when I..." He cleared his throat. "When I took you to my rooms, you stopped being a prisoner and became a slave. Before, well... You were legally protected against anything... unofficial. You had some status. Now it all depends on what I think of you, whether people think I'll listen to you, protect you..."

 _Stay calm, Kudoh._ Yohji's stomach clenched. _This doesn't really change anything, and the idea pleases him. You can live with that. Besides, we're going to a romantic picnic. Throwing up is_ not _going to help. No matter what he thinks of me, what he feels, vomit is_ not _endearing. Especially at this range._

"But... Schuldig..." Nagi shrugged. "This way I can shield you from him. Otherwise... I don't think Crawford would."

 _But that's not everything. You..._ want _too strongly for that._ Yohji shuddered. "I'm... I'm not ungrateful." _And I'm not. God help me._ "It's just... hard to adapt." He turned his head a little to look away into the darkness. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san." He could feel Nagi's emotions as a swirling tangle of conflicting impulses. _Pride, grief-- Does he regret Schuldig so much? Possessiveness. Anger. And lust, always lust._ He fought not to shudder.

"You're doing very well. Kidnapping and empathy and weird technology..." Nagi rubbed one hand in little circles on Yohji's back. "And you really don't need to think about it right now. Come on--" He stepped away and put a hand on Yohji's arm. "We'll eat and look at the stars, and I'll explain a bit more about the Taisken."

 _Explain? That's... weird. I expected something more... passionate._ Yohji followed along obediently, letting Nagi steer him along the path. He clenched his hands where Nagi couldn't see them. _I don't like surprises any more. He hurts me the most when he's not trying to. I almost prefer it when he's not seeing me. That focus is terrifying. I can use it. I can so use it, but... Fuck._

"I wish we'd come up here while it was still light-- Perhaps we can do it in a few days-- I think you'd like the garden and the plants by the trail. You _do_ actually like plants, don't you? You seemed to be good with them, so I thought--" Nagi gave a light laugh that sounded forced.

"I like plants okay." Yohji worked at matching Nagi's tone. _He_ is _planning something. He thinks it's good, but he's nervous._ "I don't think they'd have been my first choice for a cover, being a florist, that is. The schedule's not really flexible, and--" He shrugged and didn't bother to finish the thought. "But with plants you can... I don't know, kind of lose yourself in caring for them, arranging them, and they're alive. When you kill, you need something to anchor you, something that isn't all blood." _Damn. I'm starting to babble. Control. I need to keep control._

Neither man spoke for a while. The path continued to wind upward. Eventually, it widened and let out on the middle of a grassy open area that sloped gently up to a line of trees and down to foliage Yohji couldn't quite identify. Nagi led the way toward a large, light colored blanket spread on the carefully trimmed grass. There were small lights placed at regular intervals around its perimeter and a large basket lay at one end.

Yohji blinked and looked away from the lights, temporarily dazzled. _He really has gone all out._

"We'll want to put out the lights so we can look at the stars." Nagi sounded pleased.

Yohji looked at him. _He's looking at the sky, not at me._

"Look-- We're in time for moonrise." Nagi pointed. "I didn't think we would be."

 _Moonrise? But it's already up--_ Yohji looked in the direction Nagi was indicating. _And that's not where it is. But... Something is._ His eyes widened as he saw a second moon edge over the horizon. _No!_ The other moon, the crescent, was still there. _There_ can't _be two moons._

"I'd hoped to have the lights off already. I wanted you to see this clearly. I thought... I thought you'd need something concrete to prove I was telling the truth about the Taisken, and it really is beautiful..." Nagi didn't quite look at Yohji.

Yohji felt as if his throat were blocked and as if the ground were suddenly unsteady under his feet. _No. Please, no. Fuck. We're not even on Earth--_ His knees started to buckle. He staggered forward a couple of steps. _This means-- This means... They can't get out. No matter what they do. It's for nothing. I've sold myself for nothing. Nothing at all._ His despair was a bitter, devouring thing. It ripped at him, and everything around him seemed to blur and shake in response. _I failed._  
******'

Nagi had a second to realize that something was wrong before Yohji's emotional response crashed into him. He felt Yohji's instant of disbelief and denial like a shock of ice water. Nagi blinked. _I didn't know he could project, too._ Then, like a solid wall, raging despair smashed into his psyche, just barely diverted by his shields.

The tiny portion of his mind that was neither caught up in the emotion nor struggling to shore up his shields wondered how he could still be standing and then noted in a vague, detached way that Yohji hadn't moved physically either.

 **there's no hope  
I failed  
for nothing  
nothing  
they can't escape  
I failed them**

Nagi wasn't sure afterward just how long it took him to protect himself well enough to start thinking again. Most of his attention remained focused on seeking ways to better shield himself, but he could think. _Words. I'm getting words. I shouldn't be getting words. Why--_

 _//Actually, you aren't.//_ A familiar mental presence made itself known, slipping through the gaps in his shields. _//You're just too damn close.//_ Schuldig gave a mental push, strengthening Nagi's shields and starting to fill in the holes. _//Just what the fuck are you doing anyway? Your shields are for shit, and you're hanging with an empath.//_

 _//Thank you for your help, sempai.//_ Nagi found he had no interest in explaining the situation. _I was getting by. Kind of._ He set his jaw and clamped down on his emotions. _I'm not letting Schuldig see me panic. //Now go away.//_

Schuldig settled into Nagi's mind, an unwelcome visitor sprawling in the best chair. _//You took him outside? Oh, smooth, kid. I told you you were going to break him. You're so hard on your toys.//_ The comments almost glittered with gleeful malice. _//You can keep playing, get those last exquisite drops of agony, break whatever he's got left...//_

Nagi remained quiet, working on keeping his reactions hidden from his unwelcome guest. He wasn't sure how successful he'd be under the circumstances, but trying was almost automatic after years of dealing with Schuldig. _'I meant well' doesn't cut it. Especially-- No!_ He shook his head and closed his eyes as he felt Schuldig attempting to hijack his senses to observe Yohji. _//Ask permission first.//_

 _//Why?//_ Schuldig seemed genuinely curious. _//The kindest thing to do now-- assuming you want to be kind-- would be to put him down. He's too damaged to recover.//_ His mental voice carried a profound satisfaction that Nagi found repulsive.

 _No!_ Nagi hardly cared that his instinctive protest was open for Schuldig to hear.

 _//There's almost nothing left, kid. Time to move on to the next toy. Something better looking, more even tempered--//_

 _//Shut the fuck up and get the hell out of my head, Schuldig.//_ Nagi's mental voice went utterly cold. _And stop lying to me!_

 _//You can't keep him out on your own. Your shields suck.//_ This time the malice was aimed at Nagi. _//He's stronger than our infallible leader thought. I doubt there's anyone with any trace of sensitivity who's not picking this tantrum up, at least not within a kilometer or two. Just kill him. Put him out of our misery, and we can all get back to normal.//_

 _Get back to normal? Is_ that _it?_ If Nagi'd felt less off balance, he might have tried to hide his sudden understanding of Schuldig's motives, to keep himself from revealing any pity or compassion, but his recent irritation at the telepath's actions combined with his fear that he really couldn't save Yohji. _//Schuldig nii-san, there is no normal any more. Everything's changed, and it's going to keep changing. Killing him won't change that. I'm busy now. Please leave us alone.//_

Schuldig's presence in Nagi's mind went cold and still. _//So sorry to have bothered you. Have_ fun. _//_ The sneer was audible. _//I won't_ bother _you again.//_

 _And if I believe that..._ Nagi braced his own shields as Schuldig's protection dissolved. Part of him wanted desperately to call Schuldig back, to have him fix the problem. _Except he wouldn't. I don't want what he wants._ He took a deep breath. _I can do this. I can._ He clenched his hands into fists and stared blankly at Yohji for a moment. _Focus. Look at him. See him._

Yohji was on his knees. Both hands were clenched around clumps of grass he'd pulled from the ground. He stared up at the sky, frozen, eyes wide.

 _How the hell do I fix this? I don't even know what 'this' is._ Yohji's despair was angry, ravenous, and it clawed at Nagi, trying to pull him in, suck him under. _Why does where we are matter? I mean, sure, I didn't tell him before, but... Why is not being on Earth so terrible?_ He cleared his throat and said tentatively, "Yohji-kun?"

Yohji didn't move. Nagi'd have thought Yohji hadn't heard, but fresh anger crackled through the emotional storm at the sound of Nagi's voice.

 _Anger. That's better than despair, right? So I give him something else to focus on._ Nagi swallowed hard. _Yes, well... I knew this wouldn't be easy. I just... I knew it._ "Yohji-kun." Nagi forced his voice into firmness. "You're projecting. To everyone in about a kilometer." _Certainty. Authority. Not--_ He pushed back his own doubts and hurt feelings. "Everyone's feeling what you feel. Everyone." He took a step forward then hesitated. _He might lash out. I would. But he... doesn't feel like he... It's like nothing can be worse for him now. He might do anything._

Yohji's despair became a quieter and more invasive thing, seeping into everything. It felt like a film between him and everything else.

Yohji bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san." The words sounded mechanical, lacking animation.

 _Shit. Schuldig's right._ Nagi swallowed hard. _Maybe not..._ He moved closer and went down on one knee so he could better see Yohji's face. "What difference does it make? What planet we're on, I mean. I thought--" _I thought you were... content... to be mine._ Nagi shook his head, trying to deny the ache cramping his gut. _I knew better. I understand what... I raped him. He's trying to keep me happy by acting... I knew. I did. I know how this sort of thing works. He-- I-- So why does it hurt?_

"I told myself the others would get away, that I was _helping_ them." Yohji still spoke in a dead monotone, his pain only obvious because he hadn't stopped projecting it. "Anything to buy that... Any price."

Nagi buried his jealousy beneath his concern for Yohji. "What would make it... What would feel worthwhile, make it not a betrayal?" _How much will it cost to buy you? If I can't have you any other way..._

Yohji looked up, his eyes meeting Nagi's. "I--" He shook his head. "How did we get here?" He almost succeeded in sounding as if it were a matter of academic interest, but the tremor in his voice spoiled the effect. "You said-- That first day, you said it hadn't been long, but this-- How did we get here?"

 _Is that accusation? Yes, I think so. But of what? He-- Never mind._ "We came through a gate. It's small, more or less portable--"

"So we just kind of... stepped through from Tokyo?" Yohji studied Nagi's face.

 _What's he looking for?_ "More or less." _I don't think he needs details. Wait-- Is that it?_ "Yohji-kun, I've left a lot of things out, let you assume things, but--" Nagi hesitated for a moment, searching his memories of their conversations. He nodded firmly. "I don't think I've lied to you. Not explicitly."

Yohji laughed, a choked, painful sound. "You wanted my trust." He looked at the ground. "Lying would have been... counterproductive."

Making a conscious effort to be gentle, Nagi hooked a finger under Yohji's chin to lift it. "I still want your trust."

"I..." Yohji refused to meet Nagi's eyes. "That's... It's not that easy."

Nagi forced a smile. "The things worth having never are." He laid his hand along Yohji's jaw. "What do you want, Yohji-kun? I can't give it to you if I don't know." _I think he's calming. He's not as... loud now._ He let his shields soften a little then winced. _Not calmer. Quieter, maybe. Exhausted. He's not... shouting any more, but... It's still very intense._ He concentrated on restoring his protections. _How can he stand hurting that much?_

"I--" Yohji shook his head and hunched his shoulders. "I want to please you." He still didn't quite look at Nagi. "I _do_. I really, really do." He spoke rapidly, urgently, his desperation coming through clearly like an icy thread binding the words together.

 _Does he think I won't believe him? Probably._ "I know. You do that very well." Nagi tried to project a solid approval of Yohji's success in that direction.

Yohji took a deep breath and seemed to center himself. "I want..." He shook his head as if he'd lost track of what he was saying. "Please. Please, don't... I can't..." His voice broke as he spoke, and he seemed to be having trouble controlling his facial expression.

"You can tell me. Whatever it is, Yohji-kun, I won't punish you for it." _I have to know._

Yohji cleared his throat and bowed his head. "I want not to be hurt..." The words were barely a whisper. "Please... Don't hurt me any more?"

 _This is when I should tell him he deserved it, asked for it, when I should bend him more, but..._ Nagi's throat felt tight. _But that would wreck him, and I want-- I want something else._ "I don't think that ought to be a question." He did his best to put humor into the words. _Not that he'll necessarily appreciate it. And I wonder... Does he realize what he's giving me now? What I could do with it?_ "That's... something you can want. You're allowed."

Yohji bowed his head further, dipping it almost to the ground. Then he straightened up and looked at Nagi's chest. "I..." He gripped his hands together in his lap and raised his chin. "I want to be safe from other people hurting me." He looked down at his hands and then went on in a low voice. "and I really, really want my family to be safe--" He cleared his throat again and whispered, "I'll do whatever's necessary for that..."

 _That's the heart of it, isn't it? The heart of him, even..._ Nagi couldn't move. _This isn't just surrender._ His fingers twitched. _I could-- But that's not what I want. Not... Not really._

Yohji's jaw tightened under Nagi's hand. "Nagi-san...?" He started to look up then froze and lowered his head.

 _He's waiting. I have to say something, but what?_ Nagi sighed. "It's all right." He moved a hand to rub Yohji's back. "I asked the question."

Yohji leaned against Nagi.

 _There's a plea there. I've taken the last of his dignity, and it was... not private._ "I won't let anyone else hurt you." Nagi wrapped his arms around Yohji. _That's the easy one. Fuck it. Not like he doesn't know me._ "I am not... Kindness is... alien to me, a weakness I've never been able to afford." _And I seem to hurt you worst when I'm trying to be kind._

Yohji tensed then sighed heavily, turning his face in toward Nagi's shoulder. A shiver ran through him. It grew till his whole body shook.

Nagi tightened his arms for just a second then continued to rub Yohji's back. _What now? Right. His... family. Weiss._ Knowing that Yohji couldn't see him, Nagi let his lips curl in a sneer. _The bastards don't deserve him. He-- Wait._ He had to clamp down hard on a sudden spike of anger and jealousy. _That whole thing with Hidaka, it was a game, a show for my benefit._

Yohji flinched.

 _No. Stop. He can't take my anger right now._ "It's okay, Yohji-kun. I'm not mad at you," Nagi lied. _At least he didn't try to pull away. Fuck. I've got to stop being pleased by things that show he's broken. No. He's not broken. He can't be. I won't let him be._

******'  
As afternoon progressed into evening, Omi found himself relaxing. _I missed Ken. Ran doesn't know how to keep me steady._ He resolutely refrained from looking at the fact that Ken's presence was temporary. _And Ken's handling Ran just right. I haven't seen him this... content in a long time._

 _//Actually,//_ Ouka put in. _//I'm surprised Crawford left him here this long.//_

Omi's mental voice had a sharp bitterness that he couldn't conceal. _//Thanks so much for reminding me.//_ He leaned back against the cushions of the couch, laughing as Ran threw a small pillow at Ken in response to a teasing comment.

 _//Well, I'm thinking it's time to move back into our room. Who knows how much warning we'll get?//_ Ouka's tone made it clear that she, too, would regret having the evening end. She gave Omi a gentle, comforting, emotional caress. _//He's doing okay, nii-san. I'm sure he'll be back again.//_

Omi nodded abruptly and opened his mouth to speak.

Ouka moved sharply inside Omi's head. He felt her push hard against his mind, and then she faded back as if her attention were elsewhere. _//Ouka-chan?//_

Ken reached up to block and catch the pillow but fumbled as his hands started to close over it. He jerked back in his chair, fingers clenching into fists as his arms fell.

"Ken-kun!" Omi was on his feet and at Ken's side before he even had time to think about it. He fumbled, grabbing at Ken's arm and feeling for a pulse as he noted other physical signs. _Eyes open, but not focused. Jaw, neck, shoulders tense-- Seizure? No. No rigidity. It's more like he's in pain. Heart rate up... No noise. Not even a whimper._ "Ran-kun, give me a hand. I want to lay him on the couch." _//Ouka-chan? What's going on?//_ He tried to suppress his panic. _Probably just Schuldig..._

No response from anyone.

"Ran-kun?" The name came out more sharply than Omi'd intended. After several seconds, he heard Ran stand. _About time._

 _//Um, Nii-san--//_ Ouka sounded distant and strained.

Ran's steps moved away. The sound was rapid and irregular, as if he were injured but moving as fast as he could.

 _What the hell?_ Omi turned to see Ran stagger toward the kitchen. _//What's happening? Are we under attack?//_

 _//Not exactly.//_ Ouka's voice gained strength as she spoke, but Omi could tell he was only getting a fraction of her attention. _//You have to go after him, nii-san.//_ She spoke with absolute certainty. _//Ken-kun's not going anywhere. I don't think...//_ The last sentence sounded quiet and unsure, as if she hadn't really intended Omi to hear it.

 _//But--//_ Omi glanced down at Ken and hesitated.

 _//They're hearing-- well 'hearing' isn't the right word-- Yohji-kun. It's... bad. Now go after him. Now!//_

Ouka's tone sent Omi after Ran before he'd even had time to register her words completely. As he crossed the threshold into the kitchen, he froze for a fraction of a second. _//Yohji-kun? He's in trouble?//_

 _//Not nearly as much trouble as Ran-kun's going to be in if you don't get over there and get that knife away from him.//_

Ran stood next to the cutting board. He'd picked up the knife he'd used earlier to chop vegetables for dinner. As Omi watched, Ran shook his head and put it down. He reached for another knife from the storage block.

"Ran-kun?" Omi spoke softly, trying not to startle the other man. _//We're going to have a Talk in a few minutes, Ouka-chan.//_ He spread his hands wide to show that he wasn't carrying a weapon.

Ran didn't look at Omi. Instead, he tested the new knife against his thumb, drawing blood. "Better," he said grudgingly. He looked up at one of the invisible and no longer functioning monitoring devices. "I'm sorry, Aya-chan. I can't do this any more--" His voice broke, and he shuddered. "...and you don't really need me any more." The last words were almost inaudible.

"Abyssinian!" Omi put more command into his voice and took a step forward. _If I didn't know him, I wouldn't know what he was saying. This is the down side of convincing him he doesn't need to protect her._

Ran continued to ignore Omi. He appeared to be contemplating his wrist. He shook his head. "Damned nanites," he muttered. "Need an artery. Need to go _fast_."

 _Shit. What's he thinking? Scratch that. He's not thinking. //What's he getting hit with? I need to know now.//_ Omi didn't even try to moderate his mental tone. He felt the heat of anger warring with icy terror in his guts and somehow not canceling each other out.

 _//It's... Yohji-kun is angry and hopeless. More than that, really.//_

 _That doesn't sound so bad. //Let me feel it. Now.//_

 _//No.//_ Ouka hadn't sounded so adamant since-- Actually, Omi couldn't remember her ever sounding that way before. Shock froze him for a moment.

Ran raised the knife toward his own throat.

 _No! Get the knife--_ Fear for Ran broke Omi's temporary paralysis, and he darted forward to grab for the knife, terrified that he'd be too late. His fingers closed over Ran's wrist. _Lock. Hold._ He raised his other hand, palm toward his face, in case he needed to block. _This would happen when I'm in crappy physical shape._

For the first time, Ran looked directly at Omi. His expression seemed surprisingly lucid, given what he was doing. "I promised, didn't I? To look after you, I mean. I failed that, too. I'm sorry." For a second, his shoulders slumped, and his fingers loosened on hilt of the knife.

Omi turned Ran's wrist, trying to take the knife, and started to hope that the worst might be over.

Ran resisted. His eyes widened slightly, and a spark of grim energy twisted his face. He tried to turn the knife to attack Omi. "I'm afraid it's all I can do for you," he explained in a reasonable tone as they struggled for control. "Please hold still."

 _Fuck that!_ Omi used his leverage to twist the knife from Ran's hand. He used Ran's own momentum to trip him so that he crashed head first into the wall. A quick nerve strike turned Ran's temporary disorientation into unconsciousness. _Thank god._ He started looking around for something to use as a restraint. He discarded the dish towels as too short. _And if I rip them up, Ran-kun'll have to explain it. Hell, he'll have to explain this anyway. I may have to wake up officially._ He shook his head and started out of the kitchen. _I'm going to have to look elsewhere. Clothing? Probably all we've got._ He hesitated, knowing he should keep going and find a way to restrain Ran before he regained consciousness. _But I need to know how Ken-kun is doing..._

Tears streaked Ken's checks. He'd gotten his hands on the pillow and wrapped his arms around it, clutching it to his chest. He looked up and met Omi's eyes. He almost managed a smile. "You must have amazing shields, Omi. You didn't even twitch." His voice sounded thick.

 _//How does he know that? Ran-kun had no idea what hit him.//_ Ouka sounded more tired than curious.

 _//How should I know?//_ Omi suppressed a surge of tired irritation. _//Maybe Crawford's given him more than just the language...//_ He chose not to acknowledge Ken's implied question. "I'll be back in just a minute." He gestured vaguely back toward the kitchen. "Ran-kun's--"

"I heard." Ken looked away. "I'm sorry." He rocked back and forth in his seat then appeared to catch himself. He sat up straight. "I'm sorry I didn't-- couldn't-- help."

"It's okay. We're okay." Omi shrugged and kept walking. "I'll be back with you in a few minutes." _//Now, Ouka-chan, tell me about Yohji-kun.//_

********'  
By the time Nagi carried Yohji back in from the garden, he had a much better understanding of the difficulties Yohji'd had on the walk out. _It's not so simple walking around the debris when I can't_ see _it any more._ His back hurt. _I didn't realize he was this heavy. But he's in no shape to stand, let alone walk, and I don't dare let my shields go._

He glared around the brightly lit entry. _Why the hell couldn't someone come out and help me? There must be someone in this place with shields up to the job._ But Crawford had said no. In fact, he'd insisted that Yohji be kept in a shielded room and have no contact with anyone but Nagi till he was calm again. _Well, actually, he said, "You've alienated the only person who might have volunteered, and I'm not ordering anyone to expose themselves to Kudoh right now. Drug him, put a limiter on him or lock him somewhere shielded. I don't give a damn as long as he stops causing trouble immediately. We've got two deaths and several injuries from this... mess. So far."_

 _At least, he agreed to have them put shielding on my rooms._ He sighed and looked around, getting his bearings. _Hopefully, that won't take too long. In the meantime..._ He nodded and headed for one of the training rooms. _I'm not drugging him until he's some place he knows, and those limiters hurt._

Yohji turned his face away from the light, almost burrowing into Nagi's shoulder.

Nagi leaned down to press his lips into Yohji's hair then cursed softly as he felt one of his hands slip a little. _If only he wasn't so damned tall!_ When he'd first picked Yohji up, Nagi had had just enough power left over after reinforcing his shields to relieve himself of some of Yohji's weight, but he had quickly discovered that he was better off bearing Yohji's full weight and using his telekinesis to hold Yohji's limbs in close.

He walked faster.

The nearest practice room was small, maybe three meters across, heavily padded, and completely unfurnished. Nagi didn't like the color scheme, a combination of browns, grays and greens that reminded him of military camouflage. _But it's better than the alternatives. Hidaka's in the infirmary, even if he's not in the shielded area. I'm not sure I wouldn't kill him right now. As for the other alternative-- The shielded cells look just like the unshielded ones. Yohji'd think I was abandoning him._

"We're going to stay in here for a while, Yohji-kun." Nagi set Yohji down, leaning him against the wall opposite the door, then sat beside him. He stroked Yohji's hair, pushing it back off his forehead. "As long as we're in here, nobody else can hear you, so if you need to be upset, go ahead." _Please don't. My shields won't stand too much._ He tried to project calming, comforting feelings but knew he wasn't completely succeeding. _I'm not a calm, comforting person, I guess._

Yohji made no effort to move, but he started to tremble. His breath came raggedly, and placing his hand on Yohji's chest, Nagi could feel Yohji's heart pounding.

 _He needs to sleep._ Nagi smoothed Yohji's hair. _I think that calms me more than it does him. But then, calming me makes him feel better._ He sighed. _I should at least offer._ "Do you want a sedative? There are several things that might calm you down..." _If I call, someone would drop it off outside the door. It'd be easy._ "Or would you like something to eat? Something to drink?" _He wouldn't keep it down, but if he wants to try..._

Yohji shook his head and clutched at Nagi's arm.

Nagi jerked away, not quite able to suppress his instinctive response.

Yohji whimpered and curled himself up, facing away from Nagi.

"I'm sorry, Yohji-kun." _Nobody can see us here._ Nagi sighed. "It's not you." He pulled Yohji back against his chest.

Yohji's reply was soft enough that, for a moment, Nagi wasn't sure he'd really heard it. "Then why do you keep punishing me for it?" His voice was thick, and he coughed after the last word, a soft, sticky, throat clearing noise.

 _I don't!_ Nagi's arms tightened around Yohji who didn't react at all. _But..._ He cleared his throat. "Because you're there, I suppose." _I haven't, have I?_ He closed his eyes. _I have._ "I don't plan it, you know." _He can't possibly be up to discussing this--_ He felt a surge of possessive pride. "You keep amazing me..."

Yohji started to shake with something stronger than the constant tremor that had been with him since he'd seen the second moon.

Startled and worried, Nagi pulled Yohji closer, trying to figure out what was wrong. Oh-- _He's laughing. How can he be laughing?_

After a few seconds, Yohji's silent laughter changed to a quiet sobbing.

Nagi started humming a song, something Tot used to sing. He couldn't recall the words, but the tune had stayed with him. He nuzzled Yohji's hair. "It'll be all right. Really." He went back to humming. Gradually, Yohji relaxed.

Nagi let his head fall back against the wall. _I just want to get him settled and go and think... I need to think this through. I-- When did I lose control? When did Kudoh Yohji become something-- someone-- I need?_

He started humming another song, one he'd learned from Farfarello. _I suppose I should be glad Yohji's unlikely to know the words..._

Yohji sighed and curled himself in against Nagi.

 _How do I show him that things have changed, that we're not back in that cell any more? Because he is, I think. I've been... stupid. Just because I know things are different... I'm forgetting my psychology. It's not the place that matters to him. It's me. I'm everything that's bad and everything that's good._ He forced himself to face it squarely. _Even now, he can't tell when I'm going to... I don't mean to! Yeah, but he's easier to hurt than he was, and the physical is the least of it. Uncertainty's the fastest way to break someone..._

An hour later, when the shielding was finally in place, Nagi carried Yohji back to the suite and put him down on the edge of the bed. Yohji didn't say anything and didn't look up.

"Yohji-kun, are you up to taking off your shoes or would you like me to do it?" Nagi hesitated, looking down at Yohji. _He's so exhausted-- I don't know if he can do it without falling over. I'm certainly not going to suggest anything more complicated._

Yohji shook his head then bent to reach his shoes. He swayed, and his hands shook visibly. "I-- I'm sorry. I... can't."

Nagi pushed Yohji back to a sitting position. "It was a genuine question."

"I don't want you to have to do it."

"I don't have to." Nagi managed a laugh. "If I minded, well, that's what minions are for." He knelt and slipped Yohji's shoes off his feet.

"Aren't I a minion, Nagi-san?" Yohji blinked at Nagi, looking bewildered.

"No. No, you're not a minion." Nagi stood up. _I'm not sure exactly what you are, but you're not that._ "We'll talk about that tomorrow." _After I figure it out myself..._ "Do you need to use the toilet?" He kept his voice as gentle as he could. "I'm going to give you something to help you sleep, and you'll be out for a while."

Yohji shook his head.

 _Is that true or just what you think I want to hear? Damned if I can tell any more._ "All right then." Nagi maneuvered Yohji under the blankets. "I'll be right back." He patted Yohji's leg.

Retrieving the hot chocolate he'd ordered before coming back to his rooms took only a few seconds. Finding the sedative he wanted, the one with extras to blunt a psychic strain headache, took a little longer. He measured out a careful dose then frowned. _How much does he weigh?_ He cut the dose just a little then mixed the drug into the cocoa.

Yohji had retreated across the bed until he was almost pressed against the far wall. He hugged one of the pillows against his body.

 _Definitely get the cat cleaned. And he expects me to join him. Good._ Nagi smiled. _Of course, after what I said last night--_ Guilt was a foreign sensation, one Nagi didn't much like. "I mixed it into hot chocolate again." He raised the mug. _I don't think I can trust him to hold it himself. I bet he hasn't stopped shaking yet._ He climbed onto the bed, giving himself a little telekinetic boost to make things easier and to help keep the contents of the mug from slopping out. "Here."

Yohji drank obediently, almost mechanically. He didn't stop until he'd swallowed the last drop. Then he sat still and stared at Nagi.

 _He's empty..._ "Yohji-kun--" _I was going to wait, but I think he needs this now._ Nagi floated the mug to his bedside table. _Something to hold on to._ "I can't give you a lot of promises, and I think most of it can wait till later, when you're awake, when you're feeling better. Just... about your family..." _I want to be your family._ The desire, the need for that connection squeezed him, leaving him almost breathless for a moment. _God... That hurts..._ "I can give you something there. Unless they attack me or you or someone I need to protect, I won't hurt them. Not Hidaka, not Tsukiyono and not Fujimiya. I can't promise I won't say nasty things to them or about them. I'd end up breaking that one. If Fujimiya and Tsukiyono try to escape, I won't try to stop them. I won't help them, but I won't stop them."

Nagi took a deep breath. _Now for the tricky one. I do not want to explain Hidaka's... situation tonight._ "As for Hidaka--" _How to say it?_ "If he chooses to leave and tells me so in a rational manner or is moving under his own power, aware of what he's doing, I won't stop him at all." _I won't have authority to if he's sane._ "I give you my word." He met Yohji's eyes. _It's not all for nothing. You haven't failed._

Yohji nodded, and something intangible in him seemed to relax. He yawned.

"Go to sleep." Nagi smiled, feeling almost painfully relieved. "I'll watch over you. Tomorrow will be easier."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I used pictures at this website: http://www.angelfire.com/art/espiritu/myaquariums.html as inspiration for describing Nagi's aquarium.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Hope of Dawn and Olna Jenn for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

Fujimiya Aya walked briskly down the hall. She turned the last corner before her brother's door and almost stopped dead. _Guards. I didn't expect guards. Never mind._ She smoothed her hair, composed her face and kept walking. _People Who Matter don't acknowledge the peons. Especially not when I've got standing permission-- Authority. Call it authority-- to go through that door any time I want._

As they spotted her coming, the two men straightened and suddenly looked more attentive.

 _They must have good shields. They don't look bothered at all._ She suppressed an urge to rub her forehead. The empathic pressure on her mind was producing a killer headache. _Not only would it be undignified, but it wouldn't even do any good. At least they recognize me. Good. Or maybe bad. They might call Brad. It's going to be bad enough explaining things to him afterward._ She stepped between the guards and pressed her hand firmly to the i.d. plate. _Just because it's always been easier to have onii-chan visit me doesn't mean--_

The door didn't move.

"It's broken, ma'am." The guard who spoke didn't quite look at her.

She hesitated, looking from one man to the other. She bit her lip for a second, then before her nerve could fail her, she ordered, "Open it for me, then." _They have to be able to. No point putting guards on a door that can't be opened._ "I'm here to see my brother." _He's got to be okay. He's_ got _to be. But he gets so moody sometimes, and--_ "He doesn't know how to shield." In spite of her best efforts to look imperious and commanding, worthy to be Brad Crawford's wife, she knew she was falling back on manipulation. Her eyes widened, and her lips trembled. _Schoolgirl look number seven. Bleh. I'm not in Japan now. I should manage better._ No hint of that contempt for her own tactics showed on her face.

Both guards looked at her and then at each other. _But it's working..._ She was certain they were weighing the decision. _And each hoping the other will take responsibility._ She glared at them, feeling despair pushing at her own eggshell thin protections. "Now!" _Great. I sound weak not... what I ought to be. But-- Onii-chan feels_ everything _so strongly that this has to be hitting him hard. No half measures, and--_

The guard on the left shrugged and did something complicated to a device on the door.

 _A device I didn't notice. I've got to do better. I don't want to disappoint Brad._ She stood as straight as she could and laid a hand flat on the pectoral she wore. _My baby, my husband and my brother. My world._ She took a deep breath and walked through the door.

She didn't expect the silence. Not that she was sure exactly what she expected to find, but the silence was unnerving. _He wouldn't have. He promised. Onii-chan keeps his promises. Always._ She slipped her shoes off and padded forward. "Onii-chan?" She wasn't surprised not to receive an answer. _But I am... disappointed. I hoped he'd be... happy enough not to--_ She shook her head, not willing to take the thought further.

She heard the man in the living room before she saw him. His breathing was just labored enough to carry through the quiet. When she heard him, she moved a little faster, then stopped dead when she saw him. _That's not onii-chan._ Then she noticed the wheelchair. _Oh. Of course._ "Hidaka-san, where's my brother?" Her voice sounded a little shrill to her own ears.

The man in the wheelchair opened his eyes. _He's just a boy. I expected--_ For a second, his eyes didn't focus, and he didn't quite seem to see her. _Those eyes, he looks innocent. Bet he can get girls to do anything._ Then he blinked once in apparent astonishment and smiled. His eyes widened. _He looks like he smiles a lot. And it's real..._

"Aya-chan!" He sounded as pleased as he looked.

She blinked and took a half step backwards, startled by the familiarity of the address. "Where's my brother?" she repeated.

Hidaka's face clouded. He looked away. "He went into the kitchen. I think-- I heard him go down hard, but I can't move this fu-- This chair." He made a disgusted face and waved at the wheels.

She was halfway across the room before he finished speaking, guessing where the kitchen was based on the layout of the suite she shared with Brad.

Ran lay sprawled on the floor. Judging by where he lay, she thought he must have banged his head on the counter on the way down. She knelt beside him and touched his shoulder. She could see just enough movement as he breathed to be sure that he was still alive.

Refusing to let herself hesitate, she pulled out the sedative she'd brought with her and gave him a full dose. _It's just the projection, that's all. He doesn't have shields to protect him, so..._ She nodded once firmly and repeated to herself, _He doesn't have shields._ She pushed away all thought of concussions. _And there's no blood. He's alive. He can recover from anything else._ She smoothed his hair. "It'll be all right, onii-chan. I won't let anybody hurt you. You'll be okay there." _You better be. I can't lift you, and I don't think Hidaka-san's going to be much help._ She felt tears dripping down her face. _He's supposed to be safe here. That was the point._ She scrubbed at her face. "I'm sorry you're not happy here, onii-chan," she whispered, not wanting Hidaka to hear. "I thought-- I hoped--"

 _I should see if Hidaka-san needs the sedative or... What's his name? Tsukiyono-san?_ She stood up and rinsed her face at the sink. Then, squaring her shoulders, she walked back into the living room.

Hidaka was staring off toward the bedrooms, a concerned look on his face.

She cleared her throat. "Hidaka-san? I've got a sedative that will put you out for a couple of hours. My... My husband told me that the... problem will be dealt with soon, but it's--" She looked away, fidgeting with her pectoral. Feeling embarrassed, she forced her hand down. _I'm sure of myself. I_ am _. Or at least, I can look it. Except..._ "Soon's kind of indefinite, and the... whole thing's kind of overwhelming." She made herself look at him again. _Does he have that male protective thing going? Talking to me like I'm a little girl. That might be it._ "I've got enough for--" She waved toward the bedrooms.

Hidaka looked at her for a long moment then shook his head. "Where Omi is, he can't feel it, and I-- He seemed to be searching for something in her face. He shook his head again and didn't finish what he'd been saying.

She shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. _It's one thing to know what's going to happen to him when he's just a name..._ "I'm sorry," she said at last, unable to keep the words in any longer. "Brad really does need you, you know."

"I know." Hidaka nodded. "But he didn't need the others. Not at all."

"Onii-chan is safe here." Aya raised a hand as if warding something away.

Hidaka stared at her for a moment then slowly shook his head. "He's miserable, and he's going to--" He made a sharp gesture with his right hand. "If he hadn't... fallen, I couldn't have stopped him, you know. He'd be dead." He met her eyes with a hard expression.

She looked away, licking lips suddenly unbearably dry. "He--" She faltered and cleared her throat. "Brad Saw it. If onii-chan stayed with Kritiker, he was going to die." She raised her chin, feeling her face settle into stubborn lines. _I made the right decision._

"And Omi? And Yohji?" He seemed to give more weight to the second question.

She shrugged then shook her head. "I don't know any of you. I mean, I'm sorry you're... inconvenienced and all, but--" Hidaka scowled at her. She raised her chin and went on, "Brad needs you, and onii-chan--" She waved a hand to indicate the apartment as a whole. "He's _fine_. He's adjusting. Brad said he agreed to do some work..."

Hidaka snorted. "Right. He's wrecking himself, chopping pieces off--" His voice changed, becoming deeper and more certain, the cadence slowing. "In a few months, you won't know him at all. He'll be all hate and... necessity. Then you'll be relieved when--"

"But--" She didn't want to hear anymore. _It's_ not _true!_ But she hadn't lived with a Seer for so long without learning to hear truth. "But-- He was going to _die_! I couldn't just let him die!" _What was I supposed to do?_

Hidaka shook his head. "You can't _make_ him live. Not like this." He sounded more like himself again. "And you don't _need_ him anymore."

"I--" She almost turned and fled, but she couldn't bring herself to turn her back on Hidaka. _He's harmless, helpless. He can't hurt me. He can't!_ She stared at him. "Brad wouldn't--"

"I've met your Brad." Hidaka did not look impressed. "He doesn't understand people worth a damn. You know that. And he doesn't _like_ Ran, does he?"

"He loves me!" She just stopped herself from stamping her foot. _He's making me act like a child._

"Not arguing that, sweetheart. Any moron can see that much." Hidaka's expression was earnest, honest, open.

 _I--_ She couldn't find words for a second. "I don't know-- I want Ran to live. I want him to be happy. I want him to have kids who can play with mine. I--"

Hidaka waved a dismissive hand. "All about you, isn't it? Have you even asked what he wants? Some versions of living are purely hell. How much're you going to put him through?"

"He'll come around. Adapt--"

"Bull." He snorted. "Are we talking about the same guy? Fujimiya Ran doesn't adapt. He doesn't go with the flow. He can't. I think it's an honor thing. And he puts you first, so you can screw him up worse than anybody. And he and Crawford hate each other. Poison. As long as you force them together..." He shrugged.

"I'm not leaving Brad." _I love him._ She put a hand on her abdomen.

"Not saying you should. Just get Ran the hell out of here. Give him--" Hidaka combed his fingers through his hair. "Tell him it's okay to go."

"Go?" She knew she sounded panicked. _Brad won't let him. He knows too much. How can I--?_ "I can't-- It's out of my hands."

Another voice answered her unspoken question. "Just leave that part to us, Fujimiya-san."

"I thought you were staying out of this, Omi." Hidaka looked faintly disapproving.

Even without Hidaka's words, Aya was sure she'd have identified the man in the doorway as Tsukiyono Omi. _Who else could he be?_ She had the feeling that he was measuring her. _And finding me wanting. But Brad said he was catatonic-- How-- Never mind. Wonder later. Deal now._ She squared her shoulders and met Tsukiyono's eyes, uncomfortably aware that she'd just drugged her one possible protector into unconsciousness. _He doesn't really_ look _that dangerous, but... And Ran's not awake to order him not to hurt me. Two hours seemed like so little ten minutes ago. Will the guards hear if I scream? Will they do anything?_

"You're making her nervous, Omi."

"Good." Tsukiyono walked with measured steps to stand near Hidaka's chair. He met Aya's eyes. "You've chosen to play for high stakes, Fujimiya-san. Your husband's people, your brother's friends. Good allies and... bad enemies."

Aya gathered her courage and wrapped it around herself. "I don't think... I can't have _all_ of you as allies."

Tsukiyono seemed to consider the point. "That _would_ be difficult, right at the moment." He smiled brightly. "Nevertheless--" He nodded slightly. "We don't have to be enemies."

"You're _Brad's_ enemies."

"I think your husband--" He gave the last word just the slightest extra emphasis. "Quite frankly, he's an asshole."

"Omi!" Hidaka protested. Whether he objected to the sentiment or to the language in which it was couched, Aya couldn't tell.

Tsukiyono shrugged. "Your brother's still one of mine, which makes you... connected. If you want a foot in both camps."

"Why would I?" Aya was genuinely puzzled. _And why do you sound so... possessive?_ She looked from Tsukiyono to Hidaka and back again. _Hidaka-san's deferring to him._ "Tsukiyono-san--" She groped for a polite phrasing. "I'm not sure... I don't think I need..." _You haven't got much to offer._

"I can get Ran out," Tsukiyono replied with absolute certainty. "As long as you tell him he can go."

He spoke with such conviction that Aya found herself half believing that it was possible. "I don't want them fighting, onii-chan and my husband." _And I don't want you hurting my family. Why should I trust you, and--_ "How are you hiding from the telepaths, Tsukiyono-san? They should know you're awake." _And what will you do to keep me from telling?_ She took a step backward then forced herself to stop and meet his eyes.

He shrugged. "They don't look past the surface." He paused for a long moment. "I can't promise you that my people and your husband's people won't... oppose each other. I can't be sure what the future will bring, but I'll do my best to keep those two apart."

She considered his words then started to shake her head. _Not enough._

"A proposal, a gamble--" Hidaka addressed her in Taisken. He glanced apologetically at Tsukiyono.

 _He must not know Taisken. Of course, he doesn't. Brad wouldn't do that to a catatonic._

"Ken-kun--" Tsukiyono's voice carried more than a hint of reprimand.

Hidaka shrugged and continued looking at Aya.

"I will hear," she answered, finally, also in Taisken.

Tsukiyono made a sound of protest and started to move forward. Hidaka raised a hand to stop him, and Tsukiyono hesitated. After a moment, he nodded and folded his arms.

"It is this-- Delay telling your husband for now. In time we'll know whether I'll rule my gift or it me. Wait two weeks, maybe three. If I'm mad, do as you think best. I won't be a factor. If, however, I'm not--" He smiled.

 _Letting me figure out the implications... If he's in control, Brad's plans go to hell, and--_ She inclined her head. "A gamble indeed. The odds are against you."

"But the stakes are much higher for you. I've promised him one piece of information, and he'll have that but no more. Why should I? He's hardly my friend. He cannot claim me as his protégé as he did with Naoe, and I think I could give him considerable trouble as a rival." Hidaka's expression was earnest. "Hold your silence, tell Ran he can go, and don't interfere, and I'll be your ally. On my terms." He shrugged. "I'll give Crawford better than he's given me."

She took a few moments to consider. _Two weeks. Three at the most. It's unlikely to matter. Unlikely that Hidaka-san will come through. Unlikely that Tsukiyono-san really can do something. But..._

Hidaka met her eyes then gave her a small, awkward bow. "Your brother is brother to me. I would see your child protected, no matter my views on the father."

 _Really?_ "Done." She made the decision without further thought. Then she looked at Tsukiyono and said in Japanese, "I won't help you get out, but I won't make it any harder either." She frowned at him. "I'm trusting you to take care of my brother."

Tsukiyono bowed an acknowledgment. "Of course." He straightened. "You should go. Your husband will be worried about you."

She nodded. "It's been... an honor to meet you both." _One I could have done without, really._ She could tell that both men understood what she didn't say. She finally turned her back on them and walked to the door.

******'  
Yohji didn't stir when Nagi slipped out of bed in the morning. _Just let him sleep. He was in bad shape last night, and I have work to do._ Assuming that Yohji would get up eventually, he ordered breakfast for two, selecting foods that he knew from personal experience would help Yohji replenish his energies. _Assuming I can get him to eat. He's probably going to be depressed. His file says he-- But the file is crap, isn't it? He'll eat. He's a survivor._

Nagi made short work of his own food then settled in the living room to look over some papers Crawford had left for him the night before. The first set of files contained the resumes of five empaths or telepaths who might be available to train Yohji. Nagi hesitated over them. _Maybe the other files first..._ He slipped the trainer files to the bottom of the stack and found himself facing a note from Crawford.

Nagi,

There were three deaths last night as a result of Kudoh's breakdown. Since he belongs to you, recompense is your responsibility.

Crawford

Nagi scowled at the note. _Wonderful. 'Recompense.' Is he going to check to make sure I do it right? Of course, he is. Another test._ He paged quickly through the three files then went back and reread them more slowly. He made a few notes. The first victim had been single and childless. His parents and siblings held moderately good jobs, limited by their lack of political connections. _A little money, a little patronage. Nothing complicated._ The second victim left an estranged husband and a child who lived with that husband. _He already has a patron. Don't recognize the name, but... Must have some power or he wouldn't have the kid. So... An educational fund of some sort? Probably appropriate._

Nagi frowned unhappily at the last file. _Two children. Husband executed for treason three years ago. Fuck. Orphans, and they're mine now._ He made a face. _Part of my household. When did I get a_ household _?_ He chewed a fingernail. _Boarding schools. The Taisken have boarding schools, right? My secretary will know. Put Telat in charge of them. It'll keep her away from Yohji. They can spend holidays at the estate with Tot._ He nodded firmly.

None of the potential empathy teachers pleased him. _This one's too important to risk programming him with Japanese, too damned many connections. That one's too..._ He tried to pull back from the thought then shook his head and forced himself to look at it. _She's pretty, and this is going to be... intimate. I don't want anyone like that anywhere near him until... Until what?_ He growled at the folder. _It's not like she's a rival, her or anyone else. But..._

He shook his head and went on to the next candidate.

****'  
Yohji crawled out of bed when he could no longer ignore the demands of his bladder. He did his best not to think at all while he showered and dressed in another loose sweatshirt and matching pants. He knew Nagi was waiting for him, could almost taste the concentration the other man was bringing to bear on whatever he was doing. _With just enough anticipation mixed in that I know he's heard me._ Yohji fumbled the comb as he tried to pick it up. _At least he's not-- Not what? Not rushing me? I can_ feel _him waiting. Not watching me? He doesn't have to._

He cupped his hands over his eyes and dug his fingers into his forehead. _Charming. I need to be-- No. Not charming. He doesn't like that. I need to be... What? Proud. Adoring. Dangerous, just not sexual. Not too damaged even if-- I just need time to think, to... No, I don't. Time will just let me have hysterics, and I can't afford that. I'm really stuck here--_ A purely emotional spasm contracted his diaphragm. _Don't think about them. You can't help them any more. He'll... The jealousy's too risky. You can't have friends now. Maybe some day..._

He splashed more water on his face, pretending that all the moisture came from the tap. _I need to know more about the-- What the hell are they called? Doesn't matter. I need to know their rules. Know if it really is as simple as keeping him happy. It might be. Is there anything he wants that they haven't just_ given _him? Even me. Even me._ He rubbed a towel over his face. _Somebody cleaned while we were out last night, I think._ He turned around, looking over the room, searching for clues. _Yes. The dirty laundry's gone, and the air freshener's been replaced. It doesn't smell half bad. I wonder what it is? Most--_ He made a chopping gesture with one hand, physically echoing his efforts to cut off the train of thought. He set his shoulders and looked toward the door to the rest of the apartment.

The fears he'd been holding off with trivialities settled onto him like heavy parasites. _I can almost feel something burrowing into my neck._ He shook his head, hoping to dislodge the image, but the skin across his back crawled as his body embraced the notion. _Fuck. I so do not need this._ He rolled his shoulders and did a rapid series of stretches. It helped a little. _Nothing's going to help a lot, but even a little... I just need to go._

 _He's probably got food out there for me..._

He hesitated in the doorway, not really wanting to commit to being up and awake. _It's not like you've got a hell of a lot of choice, Kudoh._ He ran his fingers through his hair and let his hesitation show on his face. _Be vulnerable so he can reassure you. It's better than the alternative._

He cleared his throat. "Nagi-san?"

Nagi looked up from the papers he was reading. "Good morning, Yohji-kun."

 _He knew I was there. He was waiting._ He shuffled his feet and put a hand on the doorframe. "Good morning." He ducked his head a little. _At least my voice didn't shake._

"Your breakfast is in the kitchen, in the box." Nagi stood up. He gave Yohji a small smile. "It seemed a shame to wake you after how exhausted you were last night."

Yohji ducked his head again. _What does he want? Maybe push just a little. Just a very, very little._ "Coffee?" He made the word hopeful and almost but not quite pleading. _Will you let me have such a small poison?_

Nagi's smile broadened. He waved Yohji toward the kitchen. "Of a much better quality than you can find back home." He wrinkled his face in disgust. "Japanese coffee is dreadful."

Yohji nodded agreement, stifling a sigh. _But it's_ home _. It's all what you're used to. Don't let him see that. This is another treat._ "Thank you." He made the smile as genuine as he could.

"Crawford always insisted on having good coffee around, so I got used to it. I was appalled the first time I bought it in a restaurant." Nagi stopped just inside the kitchen, stepping to one side so that Yohji could enter as well.

Yohji walked past Nagi then stopped and turned back to look at him. _What now, Nagi-san?_ He twisted his right hand in the loose fabric of his pants.

"Go ahead and get your food. I'll help if you have questions, but you have to learn how to use the kitchen, to get comfortable with it." Nagi waved his hand to indicate all the technological wonders. "I won't always be home, and I think you're too old for a babysitter."

For a moment, Yohji wasn't sure how to react. Finally, he nodded, not quite letting it be a bow or a gesture of submission. "Thank you, Nagi-san." _You're going to let me cook? That's... unexpected._

He took his meal over to the counter, trying not to show how intimidated he was by the sheer quantity of food. _Natto-- I_ hate _natto-- rice, fruit plate, sausage, pickles, salmon, korokke..._ He ate almost mechanically, most of his attention on Nagi.

Nagi took a seat at the counter and watched Yohji eat.

 _He almost looks like he's counting the calories. Bet he knows exactly how nutritious this is._ Yohji's appetite vanished. _Not that there was much of it before._ He pushed at the food with his chopsticks and glanced sideways at Nagi. _But I can't stop eating. He won't like it. And I do need the calories._ He took another bite, swallowed heavily, trying to keep it from sticking in his throat, and struggled to come up with an appreciative comment. _Yes. I know you're taking pains, giving me... luxuries. You keep trying, and I... keep screwing it up._ He stopped eating and laid his chopsticks on the counter. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san. For last night, I mean." He stared at the wall.

"No, Yohji-kun. It's all right." Nagi's voice held no anger.

 _He's almost... pleased about it._ Yohji darted another glance at Nagi. _And... This is another protect-injured-Yohji thing, isn't it? He likes those. Maybe I should keep screwing up like that so he can enjoy protecting me... It might be safer, at least as long as it amuses him._

"I should have realized it would be too much," Nagi went on. "I just-- I thought you needed proof."

 _He wants to touch me, to be sure I'm not-- Not what? And he's not really sorry. It's more like... Like he discovered a new fucking_ feature _on a toy, something beyond what he expected._ "I did." Yohji didn't look up. "It's impossible and..." _Terrifying. I don't even have words for how outclassed I am._ He shook his head. "I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have wanted to."

Nagi touched Yohji's hand. "I'd have waited, tried a more gradual approach, but... When we go out today, and we have to go out, you're going to see some things--"

 _Out? No, please--_ "Nagi-san--" He could hear the panic in his voice. "I--" His throat didn't want to let words out, and he still couldn't bring himself to look up.

Nagi slid his stool closer to Yohji's and put an arm around him. "It'll be okay, Yohji-kun. I'll be there with you."

Yohji leaned against Nagi, reassured by his warmth. _But I shouldn't be. Fuck! I wasn't this scared yesterday. Yeah, well, yesterday, I didn't_ know _. Maybe... Maybe knowing more will help._ "What is this world like?" The question came out as a whisper. He shook his head minutely, knowing that Nagi would feel the motion. "I mean... Is it big? Are there lots of people? I saw two moons. Are there more?"

Nagi caressed Yohji's hair, and Yohji could feel Nagi's pleasure. "Eat the rest of your breakfast. I'll keep talking as long as you keep eating."

 _He's happy. I guessed right._ Yohji ducked his head a little as he pulled back to sit upright once again. _At least he's not going to try to hand feed me again._ He lifted more rice to his mouth and started chewing.

*****'

The 'medical wing' wasn't nearly as frightening as Yohji'd anticipated. The strange and sinister equipment he'd expected was nowhere in evidence. _Either it doesn't exist, or I'm not recognizing it, or it's hidden in the walls. And I wouldn't bet against it being hidden._ He kept his eyes open, hoping for glimpse of Ken. _Nagi's probably going out of his way to avoid him._

Nagi led the way through the maze of corridors, walking briskly without looking back to track Yohji's progress.

 _As long as the leash stays slack, he knows I'm following. And where else would I go?_ Yohji walked with his back straight and his head up. _I still have_ some _pride._ And Nagi had nodded approvingly when Yohji drew on Balinese's arrogance just before they left the suite.

They passed a lot more people this time than they had on their way to the disastrous picnic. The strangers stared at Yohji and whispered, while giving Nagi courteous bows and wide berth. _Though a lot of them don't look like_ people _exactly._ He blinked as they passed something that looked like a giant, mobile jade plant. It bowed to Nagi. _I wonder if he had the corridors cleared last night?_ Foreign emotions pushed and pulled on Yohji's senses, leaving him feeling off balance.

 _Curiosity. Anger. Pity. Lust._ He focused on looking like Balinese showing himself off. _Nagi-san knows it's an act. As long as I don't do it to him..._ He returned the strangers' stares, keeping his expression hard. _And I have to be grateful for the damned leash. I don't want to be, but it's what's stopping them. All that's stopping them._

 _Hatred._ His steps faltered for a split second as he tried to pin point the origin of the focused bitterness. He blinked once then kept walking. _I can't tell. Why? Why would someone hate me? Other than Schuldig..._ He did his best to memorize the faces around him. _Frustration._ He refused to flinch. _None of them can touch me as long as he's here. He broke Schuldig's arm for me. What would he do to them?_

He turned his thoughts to other things. Nagi's description of the world hadn't given him any real reassurance. _If I did get out, there's nowhere to go. A science base with scattered researchers, a penal colony to provide labor and do the scutwork of preparing for a real colony, and this base for coordinating the invasion of Earth. And the terrain didn't exactly sound welcoming..._

Yohji was relieved when they finally reached their destination. It was a room about half the size of his original cell, decorated in shades of red. _And that makes up for the previous lack of weird equipment._ A squat brown box took up one end of the room. There were glowing cords, some of them very thin, and hoses and blinking lights. _What the hell is that for? I don't want to know, do I? But... I should know--_ He focused on trying to tease that certainty into understanding. _Something he said..._

Three people, two women and a man, stood waiting. All three wore white lab coats. _Or kind of lab coats. They're not cut right._ Each had a brightly colored patch in front on the upper left. Its basic design was circular and red. _But it's different on each. Is it some sort of military rank marker? Or is it like one of those clip on I.D.s?_ They all bowed to Nagi as he walked in. None of them so much as glanced at Yohji. One of the women stepped forward and bowed again. She said something in Taisken.

 _She's senior, getting the formalities out of the way. She's wary of him but not-- Not like the people outside. Confident he needs her? Confident in her competence? What does she do anyway? It has to do with me, and it's medical-- Shit. I wasn't thinking. He said..._ Helplessness was a heavy lump in his gut, a weight on his shoulders. _I am_ not _defined by my hair follicles. Not. He was right about that much. But... This is not just about my five o'clock shadow. What's he taking from me this time?_

Nagi turned to Yohji after acknowledging the greeting. "You've done very well so far, Yohji-kun."

 _He's pleased with that._ Yohji felt Nagi's approval as a warmth that eased his fear. He allowed himself a shy smile, and he nodded in response. _Stay calm, no matter what. Don't let him see it upsets me. Don't let_ them _see it upsets me. He feels... apprehensive. Why?_

"Now..." Nagi hesitated. He glanced at the closed door then glared at the trio of medical personnel. "Take off your clothes. The doctor and her assistants can't work through them."

For a moment, Yohji stood frozen. _No choices. If he wants me naked... It's my whole fucking body then._ He gave Nagi a very slight bow then prepared to take off his shirt. _The leash... complicates things._ "Nagi-san?" He tugged on the leash.

"That comes off, too, temporarily." Nagi gave the trio another cold glance. "None of them are likely to be stupid. If they are, you're welcome to kill them."

Yohji felt the collar loosen and fall away. _Reminding them_ why _they shouldn't be stupid, are you? I can live with that._ He lifted his shirt over his head. _He's a lot tenser than I expected. That's... dangerous._ He slipped off his shoes and stepped out of his pants. He forced himself to face the strangers as if there were nothing unusual about the situation. _Why is he upset? I know why_ I'm _upset. Am I feeding back? Shit. I hope not. No._ Think. _What's going on now and why?_

The two who hadn't spoken looked at the one who had, the woman Yohji assumed was the doctor. She spoke to Nagi again.

He frowned slightly, but no emotion came through in his voice. "They're going to touch you now, Yohji-kun." The frown became a scowl.

 _He's jealous of_ this _? Why? It's not like he's wanted to-- Oh. Fuck. I'm stupid._ Yohji closed his eyes for just a moment. _I should have thought of that. He does want to touch me, just not when I... remind him of the bastard who abused him. He thinks... this is going to help._ He opened his eyes again and set his face in stoic lines as the assistants poked and prodded him. He could feel Nagi's angry presence even when he wasn't looking that way. Guessing that Nagi might lash out at them if he showed his discomfort, he set himself to endure without reacting.

The process itself was painless, merely time consuming and intimate. The doctor spoke occasionally. She seemed to be explaining the process. Nagi relayed some of her comments, but he seemed to understand that Yohji wasn't really interested. _More nanites. And it's safe. What else do I need to know? At least they demonstrated on my arm, not anywhere... sensitive._

They left his head till last, and the process became more complicated then. They let him sit then, and Yohji closed his eyes, starting to count slowly. He listened to Nagi giving the medical team instructions. _I don't care. It doesn't matter. I know what happens now. He wants to keep some of it, and they want to be sure they don't screw it up._

One of the assistants started working on his feet. _A pedicure? He really cares how I look, doesn't he?_ The doctor asked a question, indicating Yohji's tattoo. Yohji flinched and tensed, preparing to protest.

"Don't worry, Yohji-kun." Nagi's voice cut through Yohji's rising emotion. "They're not going to touch anything that makes you you. You keep the tattoo, and you keep the scars." Yohji turned to look at him. "Unless there're any of them you'd really like to get rid of?"

Yohji shook his head without really thinking about his answer. _Just leave me something. Please._ He forced himself to relax again.

Finally, they let him up, and he got dressed again. The fabric felt harsh against his skin.

The doctor said something.

"Your skin will be very sensitive for a couple of days," Nagi told him. He gave the woman a sharp look. "Like a mild sunburn, she says."

"It's okay, Nagi-san," Yohji assured him. "I'm fine." _Just a little... unbalanced._

Nagi nodded. "Good. Now, I'm going to get a few scars removed." He took off his jacket and handed it to one of the assistants.

Yohji's eyes widened a little before he could hide his reaction. _That's why he's so fucking tense. He's going to be... vulnerable. He's... trusting me with this._ He looked around the room. _Who's watching? Is it just us? I bet it is. Why's he willing to trust them with this?_ He looked over the trio again, trying to evaluate them. _The doctor. She's a top expert for sure. That's why he doesn't freak her out. This is below her level or would be if it wasn't him. The assistants..._

 _He's bored. I don't think he understands why they're here. It's beneath him. He... thinks we're attractive, both of us. Not telling that to Nagi. He'd smash the poor bastard into a wall._

 _Not that_ she _doesn't think we're--_ His eyes narrowed as he realized that something had changed. _Something about her._

The two assistants were cleaning the apparatus, getting it set up for whatever they were going to do to Nagi. _They_ look _normal, and the way they're moving hasn't changed._

Nagi had unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt then stopped, waiting for the assistants to finish. The doctor said something to him, and he responded. The conversation sounded civilized, and she _felt_ oblivious, so Yohji ignored her

 _The assistant's gone cold. She's hard. Focused on... something._ Deadly _focused._ He moved a step closer to Nagi, wishing that he could be sure what was going on. _I don't like this._

The female assistant walked toward them carrying a device Yohji didn't recognize. She bowed, either to Nagi or to the doctor, Yohji wasn't quite sure which, and held out the device to the doctor.

As the doctor accepted it, Yohji felt a sudden spike of triumph from the assistant, just a momentary break in focus. _That's a killer. A killer._ The doctor lifted the device, moving it toward Nagi's bared forearm.

"Nagi-san--" Yohji launched himself forward, knocking the device from the doctor's hand. He led with his shoulder and barreled into the assistant, pushing her back toward the wall. _Who knows what surprises she's got hidden in there?_

She stumbled back, falling halfway across the chair. He went for the throat, instinctively trying for a quick kill before any real weapons could be brought into play. She rolled away, using the chair for cover before lashing out with a rigid hand strike that, if it had connected, would have crippled his right arm. She misjudged the distance, however, and the blow fell short. He closed rapidly, pressing his attack. His height gave him reach on her. _Don't let her recover._

A jagged bladed knife appeared in her hand. She stepped back and tossed it from hand to hand. _What the fuck? Stupid,_ stupid _woman. Only an_ amateur _shows off._ Almost lazily, he snapped a kick that connected with her knife hand. _Like I'm going to be impressed._

She caught the falling knife with her other hand, almost fumbling it. She tucked her now broken wrist in close to her body. Yohji had to work to ignore her pain. It blended with her despairing fear and determination, tasting bitter and potent, like an unexpected mouthful of unsweetened chocolate. No longer seeing her as a serious threat, he advanced slowly. _Give her time to back down..._

She slashed at him, an amateur move. Then she surprised him by converting the blow to a lunging stab at his abdomen. Yohji twisted so that she just scraped his ribs. "Fuck!" _Stupid. Stupid! She_ felt _like a pro._

He was vaguely aware that the doctor was shouting while the male assistant cowered on the other side of the chair. A quick glance showed Nagi standing with his arms folded across his chest, watching intently. _The bastard's_ enjoying _himself. Hope to god he's shielded..._ The momentary distraction cost him another gash in the arm as he reached for a watch that wasn't there. _Shit! Probably poisoned, too._

They circled each other. The would be assassin threw several furtive glances at Nagi. _Trying to figure out why he's not doing anything. She's hopeful that he doesn't understand. And fucking_ stupid _. Even if he doesn't know, putting her_ back _to him!_ He risked a quick glance around the room. _She's got to have a stopper. A bomb. A big gun. Something. It'll be forever before another killer gets a shot at Nagi._

Nagi said something in Taisken, an insulting drawl that made the assassin's face set in stubborn, determined lines. _Oh, great. Make my life easier, why don't you? Now she knows you know. And she's_ not _giving up. But she's also not--_

Yohji attacked in a flurry of kicks and punches, intending to push her back and keep her off balance. _Have to keep her too busy to use her stopper. Whatever the hell it is. I can't spot it. That's_ not _reassuring._

She feinted left then darted toward the chair. With a single, long step, he interposed himself. He faked a punch and then, as she blocked, swept a kick that slammed her into the wall. Barely stopping himself from making the follow up strike lethal, he pinned her knife hand. Then he hesitated. _She's a_ woman. _I--_ He felt disappointment from Nagi. _You want to see me kill her? Too bad. I'm not giving you that. Yet._ "A little help, Nagi-san--"

"But you're doing so well!" Nagi's disappointment was tempered by fierce pride, aesthetic pleasure and lust.

 _Me beating people up gets him hot._ Yohji shuddered.

She twisted and kicked at Yohji, connecting solidly with his thigh. He hissed in pain as her heel ground into the muscle of his thigh. He increased the pressure on her knife hand. She twisted again, trying desperately to escape, and he felt his grip start to slip.

"Shit!" He slammed a spearhand blow at her throat, finally willing to finish her off. His hand skidded sideways. _Telekinetic barrier._ He staggered as the force he'd put into the strike pulled the rest of his body after his hand. _What the hell--?_

As Yohji struck, Nagi used his telekinesis to spin her out from under Yohji's hands and throw her to the ceiling. He pinned her, spread eagle, on the ceiling, holding her so tightly that her breathing was audible and labored.

 _I'd have broken my hand if he hadn't stopped me. Of course, if he hadn't pulled her out of the way..._ Yohji leaned against the wall, taking a moment to catch his breath. _About fucking time he did something._ He stared up at her and growled, "Bitch." _Try to kill me and mine, will you?_ Somehow, though, he could still find sympathy for her terror. _Been there, done that._ As he watched, she closed her eyes and set her jaw. _Resignation, endurance, and... She'll take poison if she can. I would. No. I_ wouldn't _. I want to live. I promised Omi._ He shook his head. _She's still..._

Nagi said something sharp to the doctor, but it was the male assistant who responded, scurrying to the wall and summoning forth a panel. He jabbered at it for several seconds.

 _Back up. Back up's good._ "I don't like you still being in here." Yohji scanned the room, alert for any further threats. _I still don't know what her big gun is, and... She's still a little hopeful. If she kills you, Nagi-san, what happens to me?_

"I'm _fine_." Nagi waved a dismissive hand, and Yohji felt his irritation like a static shock.

 _Okay. Remember that. He doesn't like being coddled. But I'm_ not _! There's an assassin in here._ "Nagi-san, she obviously knew what you could do. She's got to have some sort of fall back or back up or..." He shrugged then winced, noticing his injuries now that the adrenaline was starting to ebb. _No point mentioning that any pro would have a plan for when everything gets fucked up._ "She... _feels_ like a pro." _And she was_ stalling _. She should have ignored me and gone for him. Or killed me fast. She did_ stupid _things like playing with the damned knife._

"Ah." Nagi raised his eyebrows as enlightenment dawned. " _That's_ what gave her away. I wondered." He brushed invisible lint off his sleeve and rebuttoned the cuff. "You did very well, Yohji-kun."

Their eyes met, and Yohji had to fight not to cringe. _He's furious. Just not at me. He's pleased with me-- No, he wants to_ fuck _me. Hard._ He set his shoulders then bowed slightly. _Not quite baring my throat._ "Thank you, Nagi-san." He shifted his eyes to the woman on the ceiling, watching with all of his senses, including the strange, not exactly new one, for further signs of danger. "She's _got_ to have backup. Don't trust the guards."

Nagi shrugged in studied unconcern. "How badly are you hurt?" He didn't quite look at Yohji.

 _He's... afraid for me. What should I--? Honesty, I think._ "As long as the knife wasn't poisoned, it's just a few stitches." Yohji shook his head. _But he's not answering about the backup..._ "She'd have been better off bare-handed." _She trusted her tools too much._ His right hand closed around his left wrist. _And I miss mine. A lot._

Nagi said something sharp to the doctor, and she turned to look at Yohji. She took a short step toward him then hesitated. She glanced back at Nagi who looked adamant. Then she moved reluctantly forward, looking quite ready to bolt if Yohji so much as twitched.

 _So I'm scary now? Almost more than he is. She doesn't understand what happened._ Yohji allowed her to inspect his injuries, but he couldn't keep from looking at Nagi, raising his eyebrows and saying, "There'll be a real doctor later, right?"

Nagi managed a grin.

Both the doctor and her remaining assistant looked relieved when the guards burst in. Yohji looked them over carefully, trying to spot any traitors. _I... can't tell. None of them feel like they're about to attack, but... Maybe they're going to kill her?_ He forced himself to remain absolutely still, waiting. _And they don't much like me. Or the doctor or the other assistant, either._

Nagi lowered the assassin to the floor, none to gently, and let them restrain her. _He doesn't look really confident in their ability to hold her. Or maybe he's watching for traitors, too._

A contingent of guards surrounded Nagi, pushing Yohji aside.

Uncertain what Nagi wanted, Yohji gave ground. _Wait-- No! Don't-- Don't leave me! Not alone. Please..._ He just had time to start panicking before Nagi snapped out a command. Nagi stood still, refusing to go any further, and summoned the leash and collar to his hand.

The guards hesitated, each looking at the others and hoping one of them was willing to urge Nagi to move. One of them finally said something but broke off when Nagi glared at him.

Nagi waved his hand as he pushed the guards apart telekinetically to clear a path for Yohji to join him. Yohji walked forward and bowed slightly to let Nagi replace the collar. He closed his eyes just for a second. _I guess I'm safe with you. Well, safer anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: A pectoral is a type of large decorative necklace. The decorative portion lies on the wearer's chest and is frequently quite ornate. Here are a couple of examples from Earth cultures:  
> http://www.smithsonianmag.si.edu/smithsonian/issues00/mar00/images/cover_jpg.html  
> http://www.metmuseum.org/explore/newegypt/htm/wk_pecto.htm  
> In this case, Aya-chan's pectoral doubles as a form of identification, indicating her rank and her affiliation with Crawford. The Taisken have a fairly elaborate system of heraldry involving symbols, colors and materials.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Hope of Dawn, Krysrobin and Olna Jenn for beta reading, suggestions and general support.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Nagi set a rapid pace as he headed for Crawford's office. He didn't bother with courtesy toward those who got in his way, shoving them aside telekinetically, and only moderated his speed when Yohji stumbled and the leash went taut between them. He glanced back and used his power to steady Yohji on his feet. _He looks pale, tired._ Nagi set his jaw as his anger increased. _I almost lost Yohji. Where the hell was Crawford? Yohji could have died. I could have lost him._ He pushed that thought aside, not quite willing to look at why it mattered. _Hell,_ I _could have died. How the hell did Crawford miss something this big?_ He bit his lip then forced his face into stern indifference, leveling a glare at a passing technician. _Or did he miss it? He could have planned it. He could have... But I don't think he did._

In the hour since the attack, Nagi'd had too much time to think, and he hadn't much liked any of his conclusions. At first, he'd focused on essentials-- proper medical care for Yohji, a competent check of the knife for toxins, analysis of the medication the assassin had tried to trick the doctor into giving him-- but mostly, he'd waited.

Crawford hadn't come.

Security had thrown the assassin into a holding cell and begun the search for possible accomplices. Nobody'd reported any results of that back to Nagi, but he knew they'd be talking to Crawford. _Nothing happens here that he doesn't know about._

Crawford hadn't called.

The knife had carried a poison, one aimed at certain nanites commonly found in citizens active in the High Lord's service. Any ordinary guard would have been writhing on the floor within minutes as his nanites used his muscles as fuel to attack and devour each other. _Fortunately, Yohji doesn't have those. Thank god, I hadn't gotten around to giving him the full nanite suite, just the--_ Nagi growled softly, and the walls trembled. _No. Don't go there. He's fine._

Crawford hadn't sent a minion to check.

The hypospray had been filled with a nasty concoction, a mix of drugs and nanites. Nagi'd have taken days to die. _I'd have felt sick tomorrow, and that would already have been too late._

Crawford hadn't even had Schuldig check on Nagi.

 _Not that I want to see Schuldig. Not at all._ On some level, Nagi recognized his fury as not-- or not entirely-- Crawford's fault. _I almost lost Yohji. Crawford did admit he wasn't Seeing as well as he used to. Well, more or less. But Yohji-- I should have stopped her from cutting him._ That _was my fault. I should have thought that she'd use poison and not--_ He clenched his teeth, pressing the molars hard against each other in an effort to deny the direction of his thoughts. _But he really was beautiful..._ He glanced back at Yohji whose face was set in determined lines. Nagi shook his head and admitted to himself that he wouldn't be nearly as angry if he hadn't come so close to losing Yohji. _He'll be fine. A day, maybe a little longer, to heal the damage. He looks-- Well, bloodstained sweats are not right for him. Blood on skin or on tight black pants or a flaring coat, or... Yes. His working clothes. Must find those... Blood suits him, especially someone else's._

He didn't even pause to let Crawford's secretary announce him, just blew on past, using his power to open the door in front of him. He stalked in and felt Yohji follow close on his heels. He pulled the door shut, telekinetically, behind Yohji and stopped, glaring at Crawford. _Smugly expectant. Saw us coming did you? Bastard._

A flicker of Crawford's eyes directed Nagi's attention to the room's other occupant. _I should have noticed there was someone else here--_ Nagi froze for half a second, long enough to push his rage aside, bury it deeply enough that it wouldn't affect his behavior. _Later._ He bowed deeply, formally, and used his telekinesis to urge Yohji to his knees and then to guide him to press his face to the floor. _I shouldn't have brought Yohji. No. Where would I have left him?_ "Highest. Please forgive my rudeness. I didn't realize my guardian had company." He started to push aside his anxiety at finding himself in such dangerous company, burying it with his fury, then hesitated. _Yohji doesn't know who this is, what the stakes are. Be afraid, Yohji-kun. This man could kill us and not have to offer anyone a reason. Can you feel that from me? I know he_ looks _ordinary, human even, but he's not._

"We're informal at the moment." The High Lord waved a forgiving hand. "Do sit down. We were just discussing you." He smiled, a gentle, paternal, welcoming expression that made him look older than he usually did.

 _And I have no idea how old he really is. Five centuries? Six? He looks thirty. No. Distraction. Focus on now._ Nagi considered the High Lord's attitude as he bowed again, less deeply. _So_ I'm _not in trouble. Yet. Why is that not reassuring?_ He walked over to an empty chair and sat down. _Remember, he's better than Schuldig. If he wants my thoughts, my shields might as well be air._ He didn't ease the pressure keeping Yohji in place, just let the leash stretch taut between them. "Thank you, Highest." He looked from the High Lord to Crawford and back again. _No hiding it, and no reason to think they haven't heard anyway._ "Were you talking about... the incident then?"

Crawford shook his head. "You seemed to have it under control, so we weren't giving it much attention."

"My people did flush out one or two additional... problems." The High Lord sounded bored.

Nagi just managed not to frown. _That's a bad sign. He only sounds like that when--_ He blinked and cut off the thought, afraid the High Lord might see it and find it insulting. _But,_ his mind whispered insistently, _he only looks like that when he's annoyed that someone's 'not living up to his potential,' when he's having to do something he thinks he shouldn't have to. And he's not angry at me..._

The High Lord gave Crawford a hard, sharp look. "I'm sending in more of my people. You need some... diversity on your staff. I realize that you trust Schuldig, but... While he's... adequate for many tasks, overseeing your security is not among them." He turned his attention to Nagi. "You can let him up. I'll give him that much favor for your life. Does he speak Taisken?"

 _What does he want with Yohji? I can't lose him now. I can't._ "Japanese only, Highest." Nagi released the downward pressure on Yohji and was pleased to note that he didn't try to move. He gave Yohji a little lift, an upward pressure to indicate that sitting up was safe. "We've been having some difficulties with the language programming equipment. I understand that the technicians are quite puzzled." He kept his thoughts carefully shielded. _Not that that will stop him if he wants to know._

Yohji straightened slowly. He kept his head bowed, but Nagi was sure he was studying as much of the room as he could see. He inched closer to Nagi's chair, making no effort to stand. When no one stopped him, he started moving a little faster, stopping only when he was close enough to press his head against Nagi's leg.

Nagi sighed softly and put his hand on Yohji's head. _I wonder how all this Feels to him... Probably terrifying. _He found the contact somehow reassuring. Something that had been winding tight in his gut eased. _Mine. No one can take you from me. I won't allow it, and you don't want it._ He lifted his chin a little, certain that the High Lord couldn't have missed that thought. Yohji stiffened slightly, shifting under Nagi's hand.__

"He needs training." The High Lord's tone was mild.

 _Leaving me to guess what type of training he means._ Nagi shrugged. "I'm working on it."

Crawford cleared his throat. "I gave Nagi a list of empaths capable of carrying out such training. We have six on staff."

The High Lord regarded Crawford steadily for several seconds. "I guarantee you none of them will be... acceptable. A traumatized projective empath requires a delicate touch." He straightened in his seat, making him seem suddenly taller. "I'll assign someone."

Nagi felt an instant of relief as he realized that he wouldn't need to decide, wouldn't need to weigh skill against the risk of introducing a distraction into Yohji's life. Then he realized that it also meant that he couldn't dismiss the instructor if he or she proved unsuitable.

"Precisely." The High Lord met Nagi's eyes for a few seconds. "You will accommodate the instructor." His tone was not entirely without sympathy. He looked at Crawford again, and all hint of indulgence vanished. "I'm also sending someone to teach your brother-in-law to shield. His sister's worried about him." His expression hardened further, and he leaned forward. "This little game you're playing with him ends now." He paused slightly between each word, adding emphasis as if he were questioning Crawford's ability to comprehend his meaning. "It offends me. It's a waste of your time and an insult to your wife. If you find yourself unable to give it up, I will take both of them into my household."

Crawford showed no reaction, but Nagi felt Yohji flinch. _You don't like that, do you, Crawford? Of course, I'm not sure I do, either._ He looked down at the floor, as if that would hide his thoughts from the High Lord. _He's disciplining you in front of me. Undermining you... He hasn't done that before._ He found himself half wishing that the High Lord actually would take both the Fujimiyas away. _They're annoying. If they were gone, maybe Crawford would talk about something else._ He looked away, slightly ashamed. _And,_ a voice whispered at the back of his mind, _I wouldn't have to worry about Yohji... doing anything for... or with Fujimiya._

Crawford bowed slightly without rising. "As you say, Highest."

 _//Make sure he does it.//_

Nagi tightened his fingers in Yohji's hair. _//Of course, Highest.// Though it seems unlikely he'll listen to_ me _if he's not going to do it anyway._

The High Lord's answering thought felt like nothing so much as a shrug. "Have your slave stand up, Naoe-kun," he said in Japanese. "I'm curious to see what's captivated you."

Nagi gave Yohji a reassuring pat on the back. "Go ahead, Yohji-kun," he murmured. _And don't be surprised to find him in your head._ He focused his mind to send a thought to the High Lord. _//Please be... careful with him. He really_ is _traumatized, and he's not used to telepaths.// And I really don't want Crawford to know I care that much..._

Yohji rose to his feet in a single, lithe movement. He kept his hands at his sides, and he didn't quite look at the High Lord. Then he raised his chin and met the High Lord's eyes.

 _Oh, for god's sake-- Don't piss him off, Yohji-kun._

The High Lord smiled a little.

 _And you heard that, too, didn't you? Do you think we're funny?_ Nagi suppressed a sigh and turned his attention to Crawford. _Oh, he's angry. There's more here that he didn't See coming. But he's also... There's more to it._

Crawford met Nagi's eyes and smiled, a thin curve of his lips that didn't reach his eyes. Then he looked at Yohji. His smile widened and became more genuine.

 _What are you planning, Crawford? What are you Seeing?_  
******'

Nagi relaxed just a little when the apartment door finally closed behind them. The High Lord had excused them not long after he had finished talking to Yohji. He'd murmured something in Japanese about needing to talk to Hidaka again and had watched with amusement as Yohji had tried to hide interest and Nagi had tried to hide jealousy. He'd watched with amusement and with something else that Nagi hadn't managed to identify. _At least, he said he'd let us rest tonight._

Automatically, Nagi extended his senses to feel the space. _Just to be sure... No intruders, and everything's where it should be. Not that assassins in here were likely. I've got better security than that. After all, it has to keep out Schuldig._ He relaxed fully, turned to Yohji and smiled. "You did extremely well out there, Yohji-kun."

Yohji ducked his head and offered a faint, hopeful smile.

 _He keeps doing that..._ Nagi handed the leash to Yohji. "You can take that off now. There's no one to see." _I can't decide-- Is it endearing or...? It's definitely submission._ He stepped in close and caressed Yohji's cheek. _Much better._ He made a little growling noise, deep in his throat. _Definitely much better._ He pulled Yohji's head down for a kiss. _Oh, yes... I_ want _this. Now._

Yohji's arms fell to his sides, and his lips parted. He exhaled minutely just as their lips met.

 _There's no life there._ Nagi pushed his tongue into Yohji's mouth, flicking at teeth and lips, trying stubbornly to elicit a response. After a few seconds, he stepped back and looked Yohji over. _He's not meeting my eyes. But... That's what I wanted, wasn't it?_

Yohji remained still for a moment then reached up to undo the collar. Then he removed the wrist cuffs. His eyes moved to Nagi's face then rapidly away several times. He licked his lips. "What now, Nagi-san?"

 _What indeed? I want you--_ He knew the other man would feel that lust. _And I've waited for hours. Absolutely hours._ "Well..." He stepped in close again and ran his hand over Yohji's shirt, tugging on the cloth. "I'd like to--" He inhaled. _No!_ He stepped back quickly as the odor of stale masculine sweat triggered memories. _I'm safe. I'm fucking_ safe _. I'm the one with power here. No one can hurt me. Not at all._

Yohji flinched and took a step backward before freezing. He stood awkwardly, as if caught between the urge to cringe defensively and the fear that moving would attract negative attention.

Nagi set his jaw and glared at Yohji for a second, wanting desperately take out his anger over his sudden vulnerability on the other man. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath. _No. Not this time._

Yohji bowed his head and pulled his limbs in close. He managed somehow to look both contrite and determined to endure.

Nagi deliberately softened his posture. "It's all right, Yohji-kun. Nothing you did. I just... don't care for..." He frowned. _It's a weakness. I can't..._ He shrugged. _He knows. He's not stupid, and I told him._ "Certain odors bring back memories I'd rather..." He wrinkled his nose and waved a dismissive hand.

"I'm sorry, Nagi-san. I can wash. I can do that fast." Yohji backed up another step, covering it by moving to place the leash on a shelf. "Just give me five minutes. Please."

Nagi used his power to keep Yohji from moving any further away, wrapping a telekinetic tendril around Yohji's wrist. _I don't care. Not at all._ He growled and opened his mouth to order Yohji to stay. Then he shook his head. _Yes, I do mind. I don't want to smell that while we're-- And I want to fuck him, not hurt him. I_ want _. Now._

Yohji tugged once, testing the limits of his invisible leash. Then he went still again. He kept his eyes on Nagi's face.

Nagi took a deep breath. _Delayed gratification. I can do that._ "We'll both wash. Then we can have a nice soak before dinner. That'll give the cooks time to make us something nice. After that..." He allowed himself a smile, hinting at anticipated pleasure.

"A bath?" Yohji looked hopeful, and he seemed to relax a little.

 _He'd have let me beat him. Anything. That's... creepy, and kind of... hot. I don't think he even thought about picking up the leash to use as a weapon. Not that it would do him any good. Is there anything he wouldn't let me do?_ Nagi's stomach twisted as lust and revulsion battled inside him. _I don't think there is..._ He nodded, answering Yohji's question. He held out a hand and waited until Yohji responded by coming closer. He rubbed Yohji's shoulder reassuringly. "Go in the kitchen and get yourself a snack while I shower. I won't be long, and then it'll be your turn." He smiled encouragingly. "I'm not a monster, Yohji-kun. You haven't done anything wrong."

Yohji nodded. As soon as Nagi stepped away, he headed for the kitchen.

Nagi watched him go. _He'd let me punish him for sweating. He'd let me... Anything I want. Is he that broken or is he still protecting_ them _? Isn't this what I wanted, one way or the other?_ He shrugged the thoughts away. _Gratification. Delayed gratification. Right. Shower. Now. It'll be good to be clean._

*******'   
Yohji opened a cupboard and stared at the contents. _Food. I don't want food._ His throat felt too tight to allow swallowing. He stepped forward, leaning his head against the edge of one of the shelves. The not quite wooden, not quite plastic corner dug into his flesh, feeling somehow more real than the events of the last few minutes. _He nearly-- No. He didn't. He freaked a little, but he didn't touch me. He could have taken it out on me, and he didn't._

 _That doesn't mean he won't. What did he call it, back when he first talked about his past? Right. 'Therapeutic application of violence' or something like that._ He took a deep breath. _I can survive that. Even if he does... Even if I set him off again, I can survive it. No. Stop. It's_ him _not me. He's responsible. But... I can play him. As long as I don't make a mistake, I can keep him from-- No. Don't do that to yourself, Kudoh. Just... don't._ Not wanting to think further, he grabbed a bag of chips and ripped it open. After a moment of hesitation, he also took an orange. _Food. I'm being good._ He sat at the counter and ate mechanically. _Not going to push him over something stupid._

As he relaxed physically, his cuts and bruises began clamoring for his attention. _A bath will feel good. Really good. Except-- Fuck._ He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the counter and burying his fingers in his hair. _I'm going to see him naked. He's been so careful about that. He's fucked me, and I've blown him, but I still haven't seen much of his body. Hell, just his cock, really._ He inhaled slowly, keeping himself from shaking by force of will. "I don't have time for this," he muttered, clenching his hand around the edge of the counter. _I can't let myself fall apart yet. I can still play this. I can. I know I can._

He sat up straight. _Crawford didn't expect the assassin. He didn't See her. Nagi was upset about that. But not at me. Not at me. And the High Lord scares the hell out of both of them. Not that they expect him to_ do _anything. They just know he_ could _. And Nagi was afraid he'd be... interested in me. And he was, kind of. Just not..._ He shook his head. _He values Nagi, and I keep Nagi happy. There's more to it than that, though._ He closed his eyes and let himself remember, replaying the conversation now that he had leisure to analyze it.

*******'  
Yohji stood and waited. Taking a cue from Nagi's anxiety, he kept his head bowed. _No challenge from me. None._

 _//Very wise.//_ The voice in his head came through strongly with a weight of potential behind it that dwarfed what he'd felt from Schuldig. _//You're standing next to power. How does it feel?//_

Startled and in the grip of an almost primal need to remind himself that the other man wasn't Schuldig, Yohji raised his eyes and looked the other man in the face. _Fuck. I wasn't going to do that._ Making the best of it, he set his jaw and really looked for a moment. _He looks... human? How the hell can he be human? No. Worry about it later. Blond hair, short. Well with that texture it wouldn't work long. And I've never seen blonde hair with skin that dark. Blue eyes. He's not as tall as I thought, is he? Wearing white and blue and... Forget about the clothes! He looks young, but somehow... I don't think he is._ Not _Schuldig. Definitely not._ He bowed his head again, trying to look like he'd seen enough, like he wasn't doing it out of fear.

 _//Please. He's not even in my league. He never learned control, and he doesn't want it now.//_

Yohji blinked once. _He sounds awfully informal. At least he's not pissed that I looked up._ He stared at the man's shoes and tried to make his mind blank, but he couldn't stop wondering who this man was who dressed so strangely and intimidated both Nagi and Crawford. _I hate not knowing the language... //Am I supposed to answer?//_ He tried to keep the thought soft, tentative.

 _//I'm their master. And only if you want. I'll pick up what you want to say, anyway.//_ The mental voice sounded amused. _//I'm informal because I can be. And they're afraid because they think I'll take their toys away.//_ He gave a mental laugh that left Yohji feeling chilled.

 _He likes that they're afraid. He likes that I'm afraid. I bet he pushes just to remind them that he can--_

 _//Fortunately for you, I'm not interested in pushing Naoe-kun. I'm happy with his progress in most areas. And I really don't give a damn if you're afraid or not. That's really irrelevant.//_

 _//Who are you?//_ Yohji fought to keep his mental voice respectful, but he suspected that his fear tainted his words.

 _//I'm the High Lord.//_ Yohji felt certain that the other man was smiling. _//Not what you expected?//_ He snorted audibly.

Yohji looked up, only just stopping himself from looking directly at the High Lord's face again. _He's amused. That's a good thing, right?_

 _//Yes, it is. For you, anyway.//_ The High Lord flicked a dismissive finger, as if ridding himself of an annoying speck of dust. _//No matter. As I already said, your opinion's of little interest to me. Unless Naoe-kun cares.//_

This time, even though he wasn't-- quite-- looking at the other man's face, Yohji could see the smile. _He almost looks friendly._

 _//Brace yourself. If you fall over, Naoe-kun will be distressed.//_

Yohji only had a moment to wonder what he was supposed to be bracing himself for. Then the High Lord's mind gripped his, and he had no more control. His mind split open under the High Lord's touch, and the High Lord's mental fingers plucked out pieces of his memory.

Every interaction Yohji'd ever had with Nagi, all the way back to their first encounters before the fall of Estet replayed. The High Lord showed particular interest in the scenes with Tot, replaying them several times, drawing out Yohji's guesses and his emotional reactions. _//You felt sorry for them...//_ The pressure eased a little, and the High Lord's voice seemed almost sympathetic. _//She's still alive, you know,//_ he whispered from the depths of Yohji's mind. _//He pays for her care and comfort, but he never, ever visits.//_

On some level, Yohji was surprised. _But he loved her!_ On another level, a more cynical part of himself pointed out that Nagi had been fifteen or sixteen at the time. _Not old enough for it to last. Too young._

The High Lord moved on to looking at Yohji's more recent memories of Nagi, going over each in careful detail as if looking for something. Yohji flinched away, trying to avoid revisiting those events, but the High Lord's mind gripped his too tightly.

 _//Do you want to forget? I can do that for you.//_ The High Lord's tone implied that it would be easy. _//Of course, Naoe-kun wouldn't be pleased.//_

 _Yes! //No.//_ Yohji focused his full attention on the word. _//I don't want to have to start over.// It's not like I wouldn't end up..._ He shook his head minutely. _It would be worse because he'd be angry. Or would he not blame me? He might protect me... No. Just... no._

The High Lord laughed softly and broadened his study to the rest of Schwarz. Yohji sensed a deep disapproval of Crawford's actions and an almost revulsion at the thought of Schuldig. _But they work for him... I don't understand. Don't they do what he wants them to?_

The pressure from the High Lord's mind eased again. _//Schuldig requires control.//_ He left Yohji to decide whether he expected that control to come from within or from without. _//And Crawford forgets that the rules apply to him, too, even when no one seems to be watching. Now then--//_ He focused again, this time homing in on memories of Weiss and then, more broadly, of Kritiker.

Yohji struggled to protect what he knew of his teammates. He threw forward anything he thought wouldn't matter, anything Schwarz and Kritiker already knew, anything to keep the High Lord from digging deeper. _Ken coaching. Omi studying. Ran in the flower shop. All three of them on missions. Lots of missions._ He thought he had some success, probably more because of how many memories he had than because of his efforts at a mental shell game. The High Lord showed particular interest in Ken, seeming to find him amusing. Memories of Ran elicited an odd feeling of irritation that bothered Yohji until he realized that it wasn't his. The High Lord gave Yohji's memories of Omi only cursory attention.

When it ended, finally, Yohji was swaying on his feet, staying upright more by inertia than through any strength of will or body. _I will_ not _be sick._

 _//It would be the perfect opportunity for a little revenge against Crawford.//_ The High Lord sounded amused again. _//You're a little out of range to actually hit him, but he does value some of what's in here.//_

 _And if I throw up, I'll get sympathy from Nagi. Maybe. I need that._ Yohji let himself fall to his knees and retch. He felt an arm that wasn't quite an arm circle his shoulders, offering support, and a plastic wastebasket appeared in front of him, catching what he vomited up. He had a brief pang of regret that he hadn't managed to damage, however temporarily, Crawford's carpet. _But Nagi's helping me. He's worried. I can feel it._

 _//Yes, he is. How interesting. Are you more than a toy?//_

Yohji took a few seconds and managed to calm his body. He straightened his back, leaning against Nagi's telekinetic support just enough to be sure it was still there. _//I like to think so.//_ He put as much strength into the thought as he could.

 _//Very interesting. So does he. You're playing a desperate game. Can you really get that close to the fire and not get burned? Most can't, though many try.//_

 _//Is there any other game for me to play?//_

 _//I'm curious to see the results.//_ The High Lord laughed out loud. Nagi's telekinetic arm around Yohji's shoulder tightened. _//Now, I understand what some of the fuss over you is about... Do you aspire to be the power behind the throne? A pampered favorite? No? Perhaps you should consider it. Ambition makes the game more interesting._

 _//And in the interests of fairness... If he tires of you and puts you aside, I'll make sure you have a place. You needn't fear the scavengers.//_

 _No, just you... //Why?//_

The High Lord didn't answer.

Rather than pressing the issue, Yohji moved closer to Nagi. _No point pissing him off, and Nagi's jealous, very jealous. That's dangerous._ Nagi's arm settled across Yohji's shoulders, pulling him against Nagi's leg. _He's scared, too. The High Lord could take me away, couldn't he?_ He sighed and leaned against Nagi's leg as the conversation started again in that language he didn't understand. He glanced over at Crawford, more to avoid looking at the High Lord than out of any interest in Crawford, and found the other man studying him. _He... He resents me. He looks pleasant enough, but... I'm a threat? Did you misjudge Nagi, Crawford?_ He met Crawford's eyes for just long enough to reassure himself that he wasn't intimidated. Then he closed his eyes. _I'm tired. And there's still a lot of the day left..._

********'  
 _He looked at me like I was a puzzle or maybe the answer to one. Well, not a solution, more like... an example, a demonstration. A test._

The bag of chips was empty, so he started peeling the orange. _I just need a little time. A few days when nothing goes wrong... If I can get my balance, I'll be okay. And he really was pleased with me today. I have to think about that. I never... It's what he sees in me, apart from availability. When I fight, he thinks I'm beautiful, desirable, sexy. It must carry over to watching me work out, and it's got to be new. He wasn't interested when he first-- When he first fucked me. 'A body's a body,' he said. And he'd seen me fight before. This is the first time I've fought anybody-- Well, apart from Schuldig, but he didn't see that. Unless he watched the tapes. There had to be tapes. But he protected me from Schuldig, so he was already... attached._

He stared at the half peeled orange without really seeing it. _I can't think about this now. It... hurts too much. And I've got too much to deal with. Like what he's expecting in there. He's very... As long as I can avoid the landmines, he doesn't want anything exotic. He wants to get off, and he wants to think I'm... not unhappy... about it. I just have to avoid upsetting him. He's... unpredictable then. Dangerous._ He set his jaw and nodded firmly before focusing his attention on the orange again.

A few minutes later, he heard the door to the bathroom open, and Nagi said, "I'm done showering, Yohji-kun."

He gathered up the debris and shoved it into the disposal. As he entered the bathroom, he kept his eyes on the floor. _I can't deal with looking now. Not yet._ He pulled his shirt off. Years of practice at dealing with injuries let him do it without flinching. _Quick is better. Wait--_ "Nagi-san--" He didn't look up. "Is it safe for me to get these wet?" He gestured at one of the healing gashes. _Will it cause you... inconvenience if I do? What did they close these up with, anyway? It's not stitches._

He heard water splash as Nagi moved in the tub. "You should be fine. I asked."

Yohji nodded. "Thank you." He stepped out of his pants and into the shower. He washed quickly. _How do I smell?_ He shook his head and soaped his body again. _I can't tell. God, what if-- No. He's reasonable when he's not surprised, when I don't challenge him._ He let the water run over his face. _Wash away all of this. I need to be... happy when I go out there. Nagi takes care of me. Nagi protects me. I_ want _to be with him._

He squeezed the water out of his hair before he emerged from the shower stall. Feeling Nagi's attention focus on him, he turned and faced the tub. He stood straight and tried not to let his nervousness show.

"Come into the tub, Yohji-kun," Nagi said after a few seconds. "I'm sure you could use a soak."

 _He's nervous, too. Of course..._ Yohji let himself study Nagi's body. _I almost expected worse. The bastard obviously played with a knife-- No. I bet it was a razor. And those are burns. I can see why he wouldn't want people to see them._ "Those must have been hell to explain at the public baths." He slipped into the water.

Nagi stiffened.

Yohji smiled at him, making the expression as gentle as he could. "Nothing I could say would be right, Nagi-san." He gave a minute shrug. "You told me he's already dead, so I can't offer to kill him for you." _And I bet Schuldig did a major number on the bastard, too._

Nagi sighed and reached over to stroke Yohji's hair. "He's very dead." His fingers traced the line of Yohji's jaw. "And you don't like that style of kill."

"I--" Yohji shook his head. "Strangling people isn't always quick, but I just kill." He raised a hand and let his fingers brush Nagi's. _You were a child. It's not your fault. I don't believe this... I'm feeling_ sorry _for him. Well, he is feeling vulnerable._

"You don't mind?" Nagi stretched and turned to face Yohji more fully, incidentally giving Yohji another chance to view some of the worst scars.

 _Showing off? No. Testing my response._ Yohji blinked, letting his astonishment show. "Why would I?" _And why would it matter? Ah, hell. I keep forgetting how young he is._ He shrugged. "I'm used to scars. They don't..." He shrugged a second time then shook his head. _Don't show pity. Remember, he doesn't like that. I'm not allowed to feel sorry for him. But I do. Or... I would. If..._ "They're badges of experience." He nodded firmly. He touched his own abdomen and the marks left by bullets. _Or will he resent that, too? I kind of went out looking for those..._ He hesitated for just a moment then scooted closer and leaned against Nagi's shoulder. He kept his hands lowered and the top of his head low. _Carefully. Don't set him off._ He sighed and forced himself to relax. _See? I don't mind. I wonder... Is there any way to show him how I feel about that? The way I can feel what he feels?_ He focused his attention on his emotions. _Can I? I made people feel what I felt yesterday, didn't I? But wouldn't that be a bad idea? There's... I don't know if I can lie that way, if I can omit anything. Better not to risk it._

Yohji sighed again and let his eyes close. _He's warm, solid, real, between me and everything else. He wants me. He... In his own weird way, he loves me. And I... How do I feel? I could love-- No. Not yet._ He squeezed his eyelids shut, trying to be more firm and forceful about blocking out all of the negatives. He slid lower in the tub, trying to find a position that was easy on his back and still kept his head below Nagi's.

Nagi relaxed minutely as his hand crept up to cup the back of Yohji's head.

 _Oh, thank god... I guessed right._ Yohji let himself relax. The heat of the water worked on his muscles, easing the bruises. "Do they try to kill you a lot?" he asked after a few minutes. _Oh, brilliant, Kudoh. Way to make him relax._

But Nagi laughed softly and brushed his fingertips across Yohji neck, just below his ear. "From time to time." His voice held dry amusement. "I've been warned that it will get worse as I get older, at least until most of them decide I'm too hard to kill."

"Warned? By Crawford or by... someone else?" _If he's willing to talk... I really do need to know. Especially if that someone else is the High Lord. Nagi seems to matter to him._

"Both actually." Nagi shifted so that his chin rested on the top of Yohji's head. "There're two problems, you see... We, Crawford and I-- but really more me-- We challenge the established hierarchy of the High Lord's court. We're not affiliated with established factions, and we're too powerful to be ignored. Whoever attaches us as allies, suddenly becomes a lot stronger. Worse, we might become a faction ourselves, which is, I think, what Crawford wants. Right now, we're in a backwater and not... causing problems, but..." He shrugged. "I think today's... trouble came from the court."

Yohji nodded slightly. _Let him talk. No questions yet. He won't like questions, and he's comfortable enough to boast a little._

"The other threat's not a big one yet. It won't be until I'm older. Up till then, other High Lords will probably just try to recruit me. Everybody wants powerful telekinetics, but nobody wants anybody else to have one."

Other _High Lords? There's more than one?_ "I-- How do you live with that?"

Nagi shrugged again. "It's not very important. Just how it is." Yohji could feel him smiling, amused. "Don't worry, Yohji-kun. I have no intention of dying."

 _Right._ Yohji felt ice in his belly. _People never do. That doesn't keep them alive. Can I risk a new topic? I_ need _a new topic. Does he even know what will happen to me if he dies?_ "That man-- the one in Crawford's office-- who is he?" _Not that I'd have any doubts, even if he hadn't told me, but it's a way to change the subject, and..._

Nagi's hand stilled just for a second then resumed rubbing Yohji's back. "He's the High Lord Caio-- If it ever comes up, address him as 'Highest.' He's our..." His hand stilled again. "Well, Crawford's, actually-- The High Lord thinks I'm still too young for oaths."

Yohji tasted bitter impatience, uncertainty, determination and a firmly repressed fear. _Does he even know how confused he is?_

"Yes." Nagi gave a slight but firm nod, and Yohji had a moment's confusion before he realized that Nagi wasn't answering his silent question. "He's _Crawford's_ liege lord. Not that I won't swear to him. Eventually. I will, and I'll mean it. It's just... Crawford."

 _Which makes no sense, except..._ "Has he-- Crawford, I mean-- been giving you a hard time?" _Him, I wouldn't mind killing for you. But you probably do need him. Probably. But your emotions are all tangled up about him. You resent him. You respect him. You-- Right. He's dad, and you're growing up._

Nagi's hand clenched in Yohji's hair. "He lies, and he plays games, and he thinks he knows everything. I don't like being used." The last sentence came out as an angry whisper.

 _I'll remember that._ Yohji kept his tone carefully neutral. "Doesn't he do that to everybody?" _Could I-- should I-- encourage a rift? If he questions Crawford, that's not a bad thing, right? And it's going to happen anyway. It's natural. It's a narrow window, but... Is it too much to hope he might listen to me instead?_

Nagi hesitated noticeably. "I don't think he does it to his wife..."

 _And you don't like that, do you? Daddy likes his new wife better than he likes you, little boy. No wonder you're mad at him. No. Dangerous thought. Don't go there. At least... Don't let him know you're thinking it._ "I bet he will if he thinks he has to."

Nagi shrugged, obviously not wanting to discuss Crawford further. He stroked Yohji's hair, laying his whole hand flat along Yohji's head, without saying anything more.

 _Later, then. I'm not too stupid to take a hint. But we will come back to that. Yes._ Yohji shifted position, trying to ease the stress on his back without moving his head. _Anything that gets you that agitated is important._

After a few minutes, Nagi said, "Next time you see the High Lord-- This is important, Yohji-kun. When he walks into a room, you get down on your knees and press your face to the floor." Nagi's focused urgency added emphasis to his words. "He's probably the one person I can't protect you from, not completely."

 _And you don't like that at all._ Yohji felt Nagi's frustration. _Carefully repressed frustration. Is it dangerous to be angry at him? Believe me, I know how it feels._ He took a deep breath. _But he really is worried for me._ "Yes, Nagi-san." He hesitated. "Am I likely to see him much?" _I hope not... He upsets you, and that's dangerous for me. And he... I'd rather not be subject to his whims, too._

"For now, no. I don't go to Court often, and he rarely comes here. This place... We're not important enough."

 _That's not exactly true, is it? You're simplifying. After all, he came here. And he questioned me. That says you matter. That's okay. I have time._ Yohji wasn't sure if Nagi was pleased by the situation or not. _Probably because he's not sure._ "And when you do go to Court...?" _Please say I don't have to go, too._

Nagi tapped a finger on Yohji's shoulder. "You go where I go. It will enhance your status."

 _That pleases you. My status or my presence? Either way... It's a hook._

"And you proved today that you're an excellent bodyguard." Nagi laughed softly. "I'm sure that surprised some people."

"I can't do much for you with my face stuck to the floor." The words came out more sharply than Yohji'd intended. _Oh, smooth. And just when he was feeling so pleased about everything._

But Nagi laughed again. "More reason to label you a bodyguard, I suppose. Not that anybody's going to come after me when _he's_ in the room." He suddenly became serious again. "Be very, very careful around the High Lord. He can be... unpleasant when he's in a bad mood and especially... If he's ever angry at me, you have to be invisible." Nagi tightened his grip on Yohji. "I don't know if your empathy will help you. He might shield, so you can't depend on it."

"He didn't. In Crawford's office, I mean." _Let's not think about the High Lord being angry. You being angry is bad enough._

"Really?" Nagi sat up straight. "What was he-- What did he _feel_ like?"

Nagi's almost physically tangible eagerness to have the information caught Yohji off guard. _And it shouldn't, damn it! I'm smarter than that._ "I-- Without knowing what you were talking about, it's hard--" He pulled away from Nagi, suddenly wanting desperately to see him. The displaced water sloshed against the side of the bath. _Wait. No. Bad idea. Rejection's bad._ He forced an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san. It's hard to think when I'm that close to you." _And please take that the way I want you to rather than the way it's really true._ He just stopped himself from ducking his head in submission. _Not this time. I need to... I need a little self. And I've actually got something-- besides my... surrender-- to sell now._

Nagi regarded him levelly, evaluating, but didn't seem displeased.

Yohji licked his lips. "When we first arrived, you... you were angry. That was all I knew. I think... I think they were expecting us, and the High Lord was a little impatient. He thinks Crawford's amusing, but.... kind of... irritating, maybe? He likes rattling Crawford, and he knows how to do it.

"I don't think he's sure about you yet. Who you are, I mean." Yohji did duck his head this time. "He told me-- in my head, I mean-- that I-- How did he put it?" _Not that I'm in any danger of forgetting it._ "'You're standing next to power.'" _'Can you really get that close to the fire and not get burned?' And he thought it was funny. Bastard._ "He _felt_ like-- Have you ever watched a teacher with a promising student? He _expects_ from you, but he's not sure..." _He doesn't know what he'll get, what you'll do, and if he doesn't like it... Bad, bad shit'll be coming down on us._

Nagi nodded, not seeming particularly surprised. "Don't worry, Yohji-kun. I don't plan to disappoint him." He leaned back and relaxed visibly. "For now, let's just enjoy the bath."

Yohji couldn't quite keep his surprise from showing on his face. _Just a bath, that's all? You've been wanting at me all day. I think your cock twitched every time we touched._

Nagi smiled with a predatory edge. "Bath then dinner then... other things. There's a proper order to the day," he announced, his teasing tone softening the words. He reached out and ran a finger along Yohji's jaw. "I think we've both had enough surprises for a while, don't you?"

Yohji nodded. _Oh, yes. I just wish I thought I really wasn't going to get any more for a while..._


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Hope of Dawn for beta reading, suggestions and general support. Thanks to Rebecca for pointing out some major typos.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Ken had to admit that, generally speaking, Taisken medical care beat the hell out of what he'd experienced on Earth. His post-op experience proved no exception. They got him back into familiar surrounding almost immediately and took only a few seconds to bring him down out of the floaty space he'd been in for the surgery.

 _And all without letting me feel what they did to the leg. These are_ good _drugs. No grogginess. No chill. Just enough ache so I know the leg's still there and can call the nurse if something feels wrong._ He took a bite of tempura. _And the food's even good. Especially with the batter making the vegetables look normal._ His good mood evaporated. _I hate eating things I can't identify._ He scowled at his tray. _Would it hurt them to give me real food? I mean_ Earth _food. Bet that bastard, Crawford, has Earth food. Whatever he wants._

He started up one of his taped games but found himself unable to concentrate. _Omi's taking a hell of a chance with Aya-chan. And he didn't have to. Not at all._ He poked at his vegetables. _Ran wouldn't insist on staying with her. Would he? He hates Crawford's guts._ He sighed. _But it's Ran. And his sister. Ran's never been rational about her. But what if she can't hide it from Crawford? What if she doesn't want to? She doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us but her brother._ He realized he'd missed something when the taped crowd cheered, so he rewound the tape. The fourth time that happened, he gave up and went back to an old game, one he could follow without thinking. _A classic, so to speak._ He gave the screen half his attention as he called up his workstation from the bedside table. _I'm getting used to this, aren't I? Ran and Omi's apartment looked kind of weird yesterday. Not weird. Primitive. Not as bad as the damned wheelchair but still._

 _And it's not really Aya-chan I'm worried about. Omi can deal with her. I mean, it was my deal that she took, but Omi's the boss. No. I'm thinking about something else. What was it? Right. That damned cyberpsi stuff. There's something I_ ought _to remember about it. At least, I can look that up._ He moved his fingers rapidly, bringing up information on various types of psionics.

Forty-five minutes later, he had enough answers to be terrified. He went through the motions, pretending to read, trying to cover up what he'd actually been interested in. He'd started with empathy, thinking that that made sense as something he'd want to know more about. After reading that section, he concluded that Yohji probably always had been an empath, just not enough of one to be obvious. _And now I know what happened last night. Kind of. Projective empathy. Poor Yohji._ Then he'd poked around, looking at a random selection of other powers before finally calling up the section on cyberpsi.

 _It's a wonder Omi's still conscious. Maybe whatever got the others won't get him. It hasn't yet, and he's_ Omi. _He can do it if anybody can._ He stared blankly at the workstation then transferred his gaze to the game still running on the TV. _I've got to stop him. No. He's okay so far._ Ken massaged his forehead with his fingertips. _How is what he's doing different from what I'm doing? Well, I know the risks. He doesn't._ He looked at his workstation again and brought up an explanation of clairaudience that he didn't plan to read. _But even if he knew, he'd do it anyway, at least till they're out. What choice does he have? But... He needs to know so he stops when they're out, doesn't do whatever the hell it is that's killed all the other strong cyberpsis. But if he has doubts-- Can't do shit with this stuff once you lose confidence. And with no other strong cyberpsis, it's not like he can be trained, just blocked. And getting him blocked or trained would tell Crawford that he's awake. Fuck._

"Hidaka-san--"

Ken was startled to hear a woman addressing him with the Japanese form of his name. He looked up. For a moment, he wasn't sure who the formally attired, self-assured woman in the doorway could be. _Aya-chan. She looks different with her hair like that, up instead of braided, and those are grownup clothes. Yohji'd consider her fair game. Well, apart from being Ran's sister and all._ He made himself smile. _What does she want now?_

She stood in the doorway, one foot just over the threshold. She gave him a very slight bow, barely more than an inclination of her head.

 _Are we using Japanese or Taisken? She's dressed Taisken-- Nobody on Earth could make that cloth-- but she used '-san' when she came in._ He regarded her with a certain wariness. The bow could be interpreted differently depending on the culture she was using it in. _My ball here, so... Japanese._ He cleared his throat and said, "Why are you here?" _Damn. That came off wrong. I don't want to sound rude. We need her._ He rubbed the back of his head and shrugged a little. "I mean... I didn't expect to see you again."

She gave him a small, uncomfortable smile. "I didn't really expect it either, but someone asked me to bring you out to the garden."

 _"Someone?" Wouldn't she say if it was Crawford? Who else could it be?_ "It's not like I'm doing anything better right now." He picked up the remote and clicked off the game. _Wasn't watching it anyway._

As an afterthought, he keyed the sequence to dissolve his workstation back into the table. He looked at Aya-chan and shrugged. "All set." _Your ball, sweetheart._

She hesitated for a moment. "If I bring the chair over, can you get yourself into it?"

"What, and not make the thugs do their work?"

"He said that, if you're willing, you don't need guards." She looked at the foot of the bed, obviously avoiding his eyes.

 _He? Oh--_ Ken's eyes widened a little as he realized. He cleared his throat. "He's... here?" _Stating the obvious._

She nodded and met his eyes. She raised her chin. "Brad Saw it in plenty of time to get ready." She walked over to the corner where his chair lived, turned it around and pushed it toward him.

 _Probably only just in time._ Ken turned himself so that his legs projected off the bed and contemplated the chair. "Closer," he said, "and a bit to the right. No, I mean _my_ right. Yes. There." _I think._ He didn't allow himself time to think about the process of transferring to the chair. In his experience, thinking about that sort of thing was the surest way to botch it. _My body knows what it's doing._

Once he was seated, a question occurred to him. "Should I be dressing up or something? I mean, he is pretty important, right?" He plucked at his t-shirt. "This isn't very fancy." He looked up at her without turning his head. "Of course, if I'd had some warning..."

She didn't respond to the dig, just stepped around him and looked him up and down. "I think... This isn't a _formal_ meeting." She moved back a little, still looking him over. "Do you have a comb?"

He waved a hand toward the bathroom. "In there." _What? Does she think I wouldn't?_

She went in after it.

 _I bet 'Brad' didn't tell her to dress me up, and she's not sure if that means not to do it or that he assumed she'd know to do it. Screw it. I'm not dressing up for this guy. I'm clean. I'm decent._ "These clothes'll do," he said firmly. "At least... It's not cold out there, is it?" He let a little suspicion into his voice.

She giggled as she emerged from the bathroom then covered her mouth, looking embarrassed. "No. No. It's nice right now. The sun's even out. Now hold still--" She ran the comb through his hair and stepped back, frowning. "That didn't help."

He shook his head. "It's fine." _And he doesn't give a damn what my hair looks like. He's not a girl._

Aya-chan fussed for a while longer before finally admitting defeat. She muttered something about a sow's ear that Ken resolutely didn't hear. Then she pushed him out the door.

Moving through the corridors without the phalanx of guards was a new experience. _Usually, everybody kind of disappears._ He amused himself by gawking at the few non-humans he saw. _Sort of like a cross between a rat and a crawfish. And that one looks kind of human apart from the colors. I wonder how that rainbow ripple thing works?_

The state of the garden surprised him. Broken-- crumbled-- stone and concrete lay everywhere, but the plants were largely undamaged. "What the hell happened here?" Ken twisted around to look at Aya-chan.

She shrugged. "Naoe-kun got angry." She put just the slightest emphasis on the honorific.

Ken frowned. "He throw a lot of tantrums?" _And how the hell do we get this chair across that?_

"Who would stop him?" She seemed to be looking for someone. "But no, I don't believe he does it often." She sighed softly. "He doesn't care for me, Hidaka-san. I can offer no insights into his character. Ah. There they are." She waved one hand.

Ken turned to look and saw three people approaching them. Two were human. _More or less._ The third looked a bit like a giant cricket. _A cricket spray-painted by color blind graffiti artists._

"They'll take you where you're going, Hidaka-san." Aya-chan moved to stand next to Ken's wheelchair for a moment. "Just give him what he wants," she said softly, "and be polite. He likes that." She touched Ken's shoulder then started to walk away. "I'm going to talk to my brother now."

Ken hesitated then shook his head. _Nothing to say to any of that. And there are things I shouldn't say to her._ He fixed his eyes on the approaching figures.

The cricket bobbed its body in what might have been a bow and said something in a language Ken didn't recognize. Half a second later, Taisken words started issuing from a small box attached to the creature's body. "Welcome, Potential Hidaka. Please allow my colleagues to assist you, and we'll escort you to our lord."

The other two didn't wait for Ken's response. They separated, each heading for opposite sides of the wheelchair.

Ken waved a hand at them and said, "Not like I'm going anywhere without help."

The two men attached something to the sides of Ken's chair then lifted. _That's not muscle. It's too even. Must be more weird tech._ They stepped forward in unison, and the chair glided through the air between them.

Ken peered down one side. There was an orange rod protruding from the wheel, and the man on that side held it loosely in one hand. The variations in his pace as he walked over the debris and broken ground didn't affect the movement of the chair at all. _He's guiding, steering, but not lifting._ Ken nodded once in satisfaction. _I guessed right._

The cricket spoke again. "Have you been in the gardens before, Potential Hidaka?"

"No." Ken looked around, cataloging details. Part of him knew he ought to talk to the creature, to find out if it might be a friend or at least an ally, but that seemed like a distraction. _Like running laps ten minutes before a big game. No. This is part of the big game. All of it._ He forced a smile. "I haven't been out of my bed very much since I broke my leg." _The chains didn't help either._

"I understand that it's normally very beautiful." The cricket sniffed.

Ken wasn't sure if the sound was meant to be thoughtful or dismissive. "It still is if you look at the plants." _They're Earth plants. Don't diss them to me._

The cricket touched a leaf as they passed a bush. "Do you know the chemical composition of this foliage? It smells appealing."

Ken blinked. "I'm not sure. I believe it varies from plant to plant. Crawford might know." He knew he ought to give Crawford his proper Taisken title, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. _I don't have to. I'm outside the system. At least for now._

The cricket clicked and chirped. "I understood that you worked with plants." It sounded disbelieving, almost insulted.

"I'm a _florist_ ," Ken protested. "It's-- I just put flowers and plants together to be pretty." _Let's not talk about the night job._ "I'm not a-- a botanist or anything."

"Oh."

Ken wished he could read the creature's expressions. He looked sideways at the men steering his chair. _No help there. You'd think they were wearing masks._ It took effort to keep himself from frowning. "Sorry to disappoint you." _I'm really no one special that way._ Then he thought of an excuse. "You have to be older than me to be a botanist." _And it's kind of true, what with college and all._

"Ah. You _are_ very young." The cricket sounded as if this explained everything. It touched Ken's arm. "I expect you'd have become an excellent botanist."

Ken didn't flinch, but it was a near thing. _Okay. Whatever. Are we there yet?_ "Where exactly are we going?" _And what am I supposed to call you? Should I ask? Better not. It might be rude._

The cricket bowed again. "I apologize, Potential Hidaka. Our lord instructed us to find a private place for the two of you to talk. We are nearly there." It waved a forelimb in the direction they were walking. "Just beyond those bushes."

In Ken's opinion, 'those bushes' looked a lot like trees. _Well, except that they're bushy all the way to the ground. Are they recent transplants? Why the hell would somebody move a plant like that? Let alone a couple dozen of them? Right. Privacy. They didn't find it so they made it._ "How... creative." _They're planted too damned close together. I think so, anyway. Hell, I'm not a landscaper, but if they were scaled down and stuck in a window box, half of 'em would die._ He wrapped his hands around the armrests of his chair.

"Thank you."

The two carriers set the chair down on a paved walkway that led between some of the bushes. One of them stepped behind and started pushing. The other man bowed then left. _Well, I suppose if he has something better to do..._

They moved rapidly along the path, and after a few seconds, it opened into a completely enclosed, partially paved, circular space. Ken noted that the pavement seemed new. _The plants aren't growing over or around it, and they're recently cut back._ About a third of the enclosure edged on an obviously artificial cliff, about four meters tall. Water trickled down the middle of it into a tiny pool and then disappeared.

The man who'd been pushing the chair helped Ken move from it to a stone bench. _Which has obviously just been cleaned. That or it's new, too._ Then he left, taking the chair with him. _Just in case I wanted to attack the High Lord with my wheelchair. Right. Or maybe it clashes with the bushes somehow. Fuck it. I don't care why._ He sighed and looked at the cricket. "What now?"

"The High Lord will be with you as soon as his other business is concluded." The cricket bowed once more. "Please wait here." It looked around. "I trust the environment will prove pleasant."

 _Like I can go somewhere. What the hell do you think I'm going to do?_ "Of course."

The cricket backed away.

 _What? You can't turn your back on me? The other guys sure as hell did, and I bet you outrank the muscle._ Ken fidgeted, trying to find a comfortable position on the unyielding surface. _Hell. I ought to have my leg elevated._ He turned and lifted his injured leg so that it stretched across the seat. Then he distracted himself by looking around again.

Several minutes passed. _What the hell was the point of all the hurry up and wait?_ He forced his mind into mid-game clarity. _To impress me with how little I matter. Gives him a psychological advantage even if I'm as dumb as Crawford thinks._ He craned his neck to look behind him. _Well, no fear of snipers unless they're tiny and in the trees._

A throat clearing drew Ken's attention back to the entrance to the clearing. A man stood there, a very human looking man, who Ken recognized from Crawford's briefings as the High Lord Caio. _He's short. I thought he'd be taller than Crawford._ Ken blinked. _Muscles. I bet he works out. Not weights, though. Not enough mass to him. Swimming or dance or... Irrelevant. Does he bleach his hair? No. Also irrelevant. Fancy clothes. Am I going to have to dress like that? How long does it take to put together every morning?_ The High Lord's arms and torso were clothed in interwoven strips of fabric of white and blue and gold. _Wouldn't all the bits and pieces get in the way in a fight? Maybe not, but--_ He flushed as it occurred to him that the High Lord had almost certainly read those thoughts.

The High Lord looked Ken over and frowned. "Unprepossessing." He walked around Ken's bench. "Hard to believe you're Crawford's prize."

The scrutiny set Ken's teeth on edge, and he responded with more aggression than he'd intended. "I'm not Crawford's fucking anything!" He flexed then clenched his hands, longing for the weight of his claws. Then he carefully put the anger away behind grim focus.

The other man stopped directly in front of Ken and just out of reach of even the most desperate lunge. He drew himself up to his full height.

 _Which still isn't much._

"Thinking of attacking me?" The High Lord didn't quite sneer. "That would not be wise at all."

Ken met the other man's gaze without flinching. "Then stop trying to piss me off."

"Trying? I really thought I was succeeding." The High Lord flashed a smile then sat on the other bench. "You are a peculiar challenge."

 _Unprepossessing and a peculiar challenge? Isn't that contradictory? He's playing with me._ "And you're the guy I'm supposed to swear eternal loyalty to. So what?" Ken's back ached from sitting with his leg across the bench.

"One would think you didn't feel honored to look upon me." The High Lord didn't quite laugh.

Ken shrugged. "I don't. The whole kidnapping thing--? Yeah. Quite an honor. You even brought my best friends along to torture."

"Crawford's gone to great pains to secure your cooperation. You need only withhold it." The High Lord started to get to his feet. "If that is your intent, then this meeting need last no longer."

"And what happens to us then?" _Yeah._ Us. _I come with a team. It's a package deal._ "The choices suck."

The High Lord settled back into his chair, looking amused.

 _Like he ever intended to leave._ Ken kept his face still. _I'm too damned valuable, even if I end up cracked, aren't I?_

"Crawford assured me that he'd given you cultured Taisken. He didn't mention that you torture it."

Ken met the other man's gaze flatly. "I can exercise appropriate courtesy. When I deem it fit." He used his most formal Taisken, speaking as an unaffiliated power to a greater power in negotiation. "But it's boring shit, and we both know the score, so why bother?"

"Your teammates are beyond your aid, you know. Even if you prove out, I won't take Naoe's toy from him, and Crawford has a reasonable claim on his brother-in-law." There was no give in the High Lord's tone or body language.

 _Hell, he won't let me even_ try _. He's got the ball, all the good players and an unbeatable lead, and he knows it._ Ken flashed a smile, showing his teeth. "Working on that. And I _will_ win. Anything else is unacceptable." He shook his head. "And there's still Omi."

"Tell me about Omi."

"Don't you already know?" Ken studied the High Lord's face. "I mean, you got the files, and my shields are crap."

"Your shields are... not dreadful, and I find it more informative to hear how a person vocalizes those thoughts that matter." The High Lord waved a dismissive hand. "Humor me. I can take those thoughts, and I will be looking at your mind quite closely, but that's a poor start to a working relationship."

Ken snorted, not bothering to hide disbelief. "Crawford says you did it to him. And to the others." _And I don't doubt him on that. Not at all._

"Wouldn't you? He came to me out of nowhere. He might have intended anything."

Ken shrugged. "I suppose, but I already know he's an asshole, so..." He shrugged again, not quite sure how to say what he meant.

"So you know to distrust him, but I should not have?" The High Lord folded his hands together and didn't quite smile. He nodded once. "I needed to know exactly how to distrust him. He surprised me."

Ken hesitated then said, "Is he telling me the truth? About what he intends, I mean. It's all so sure and slick and simple, and he's-- He's an asshole. He twists everything around."

"What has he told you?"

Ken pushed the palms of his hands together to stretch his shoulders then shook his head. "That you're the best of a bad lot unless we can find a... candidate from Earth." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Not sure why he thinks someone from Earth will be better." _Unless he thinks he can control them. And he probably does think so._ "Absolute power and all that crap."

The High Lord raised his eyebrows. "Do you believe that power corrupts?" _//And if you do, why are you doing this?//_

Ken managed not to flinch at the voice in his head. _Not like he wasn't already there._ "Hell, yes," he replied. "Not everybody gets hooked. Must've been one or two who didn't. There's one hell of a high in power over." He very deliberately moved his hands as if extending his claws.

The High Lord studied Ken's face for a moment. When he spoke again, he sounded amused. "An interesting self-analysis. Do you expect to continue killing?"

"If I understand right," Ken said dryly, "I'll be busy with other stuff." He let his hands fall to his sides.

"But you enjoy it?"

"There are other things I like better. Just, if I can't have them, I'll settle." _A good fight's simple, physical, none of this playing with words shit._

The High Lord leaned back in his chair. "I see why you frustrate Crawford."

Ken grinned. "I do that for fun."

"And because he needs it." The High Lord met Ken's eyes. "He has the potential to be very useful, even-- by certain standards-- very powerful, if he grows up."

"I'm younger than he is." _Though I suppose it looks the same to you. What's a few years against a few centuries?_

"Yes, you are." The High Lord's voice was suddenly serious. "You're only just old enough for us to have this conversation at all. Just barely."

"And if I weren't?" _What then?_

The High Lord dismissed the question with a wave. "Crawford would have delayed. He needs you to do this thing-- or thinks he does-- and he knows I will not allow a child to choose this risk."

Ken's mind refused to look at that statement straight on, instead skittering to one side. "Omi-- He's younger than me. What about him?"

"He's not being asked to risk his sanity."

"And being kidnapped--" _Again._ "--imprisoned, stripped and driven to catatonia by flashbacks is different?" Ken raised his chin and glared.

The High Lord shifted on the bench, showing the first signs of-- Ken couldn't quite call it uncertainty. _He's got an answer for everything. But maybe not that. Got you, didn't I?_

"I'd be more upset with Crawford if your friend actually were catatonic," the High Lord drawled.

 _Fuck._ Ken tensed, his body going to full combat alert. _No. That was inevitable. I knew we'd go there._ "And what are you going to do with that? I'm sure Crawford would love to know."

"Nothing." The High Lord smiled, looking gently amused and about as threatened as if Ken were an irate goldfish. "If he manages to escape Crawford, it will serve as a lesson for him and inconvenience me not at all. If he doesn't..." He shrugged.

"Crawford threatened to have Naoe rape him." _Omi_ matters _, damn it!_

"Either he lied, or he was planning to wait a year or two."

"But rape'd be okay then?" Ken could hear the anger in his voice and knew, vaguely, that letting it show might be a stupid move. He was past caring.

The High Lord straightened, suddenly seeming larger and scarier. "Are you judging me?"

 _Tough opponent._ Ken had to acknowledge the force of the other's will. _But I've faced worse._ He refused to consider that that might not actually be true. "Aren't I entitled? I'm thinking about swearing to you. Better now than later. And right is right. No matter how much power you have."

The High Lord stared at him then laughed incredulously. "Do you even know what you're doing? What you're risking?"

Ken met his eyes steadily. "Doesn't matter. I don't kiss ass, and I call them like I see them." He felt a brief pang of doubt. _Would Omi want me to lie, to suck up? No. I can't, and Omi's not here. He's not even on the bench, waiting to play._ "If you don't want who I am, we can skip the whole damned thing."

"Why would you work for someone you consider evil?"

"Only game going, isn't it? You want to play, you take what offers." Ken shrugged. "Regardless of what anybody tells you, I'm _not_ stupid. And you're less a monster than some of the others." _And I think you're going to win. I don't want Schwarz to be all that's protecting Earth then._

"According to Crawford." The High Lord's tone was bitterly dry.

"Well, yeah."

"And you're not going to try to sell me out or trade me in for someone better?"

"Trading you in is the whole fucking point." Ken shook his head. "I thought Crawford told you that part."

"And what if you can't do it his way? Or if it takes decades? What do you plan to do in the meantime?"

"Until I see what this precognition deal means, I got no idea." Ken looked away. _No point lying._ "You treat your _worlds_ pretty good. Earth's... It's not doing real well anyway. If the takeover doesn't wreck things, it could be better for lots of people." _As long as they don't get personal attention._

The High Lord looked thoughtful. _//You're getting personal attention. Does that worry you?//_ He smiled, just the barest shadow of an expression. "So bad things happen anyway... Is that it?" He nodded. "I think I can see your... I hesitate to call it logic, but no other term comes to mind."

Ken decided to ignore the mental whisper. _I'm not worried. Really._ "Why're you acting like I'm a sure thing? Crawford's dead sure I'll be drooling."

The High Lord tapped one finger on the back of his other hand. "Crawford's experience is limited. Estet warped its people in ways that would have destroyed you, so he sees no strength in you."

Ken gave the High Lord a hard, assessing look. "So you're betting on me?" _No. That's not right..._

"Say rather, that I'm not betting against you. Assuming you can govern your temper." The High Lord paused for a moment as if in contemplation. "You would be... convenient. If you survive. If you keep faith with me. Almost all I know of your world comes from Crawford, and his biases differ from yours." His expression hardened, and he leaned forward a bit. "Before we go forward with this, I require that you let me into your mind."

Ken lifted and dropped one shoulder in a shrug. "Not like I can keep you out."

The High Lord frowned. "That is not the point. You must understand-- If there is any possibility that you'll be a first tier talent, I must know how far I can trust you." He sighed. "Call the request a courtesy if you will. I choose to ask. As I said earlier, I don't wish to start the relationship wrongly."

"It's already started pretty fucking badly," Ken replied, massaging his injured leg to emphasize the point. "Crawford sent goons who beat the shit out of me. Not exactly a happy thing. Not like a fancy invitation with careful calligraphy." _And that's leaving out what your people are doing to mine._

The High Lord spread his hands as if to indicate that what was around them was all they had to work with. "Crawford lacks subtlety."

The two men stared at each other without speaking for almost a minute. Finally, Ken shrugged. "Fine. I get nothing from you without it, right? Go ahead." He lowered his sketchy shields and braced himself, forcing himself to continue looking into the High Lord's eyes.

The first touch of the High Lord's mind was brief and cold, leaving Ken feeling like he'd somehow managed to dip his mind in rubbing alcohol and then had it all evaporate in a millisecond. His stomach heaved once then stilled. He set his jaw and nodded to the other man.

The High Lord laughed softly, almost a sound of delight. "Oh, yes. Crawford underestimates you."

"I prefer that," Ken replied.

The next touch came almost immediately, viscous with alternating flares of heat and bone snapping chill. Part of Ken's mind wondered how he could keep breathing through it, and part simply noted that the sensations weren't strictly physical and focused on keeping his body responding only to what was real.

Then Ken let himself stop thinking. The High Lord would, he knew, do what he wished. Ken's conscious presence mattered not at all.

When the whole thing ended and Ken let himself note such cues again, the length and direction of the shadows announced that hours had passed. He cleared his throat. "Well, that was fun." _Not._

"It's not meant to be pleasant." The High Lord didn't look at Ken.

"Are you happy?"

"I'm satisfied, yes. Surprisingly enough." The High Lord stood and stretched. "You've no imperial ambitions-- an astonishingly common failing and one that Seers at your probable power level can too often realize, at least for a time. Very inconvenient." He walked around the clearing a few times.

Ken wished he could do the same, but he knew his leg wouldn't hold him, yet. Instead, he did what he could to stretch in place and started massaging his thigh. "Does this mean I bargain with you now instead of two weeks from now?"

"Preliminaries, at least. Let's make sure I know what you expect."

Ken hesitated. _I don't do negotiations. That's Omi's territory._

"Your Omi is not here." The High Lord's frown told Ken to get used to it. "And you did adequately with Crawford's wife, your other friend's sister. She's kept her promise, encouraging him to leave if he can."

 _That. I want that._ Ken cleared his throat. "Them. All three of them. I want them safe."

"I can give you Omi easily enough. Though we both know he's on borrowed time. "

Ken shook his head at the mention of Omi's life expectancy. "He's fine so far." _And Ran can't be on his own._

"So far. Do you want him blocked?"

"No." _Omi'd kill me if I took away his only weapon._ Ken sighed. "Maybe later. Maybe... It depends on how it all goes."

"Very well." The High Lord pressed his hands together and tapped his fingertips against each other. "Crawford's brother-in-law will be more complicated, but if you're first tier, he may choose to swear to you instead of allowing Crawford to claim his fealty through the marriage. He's of age and mentally competent, so he has that option."

Ken nodded. _Enough for now._ "And Yohji?"

"If Naoe discards him, he's yours, but I will not intervene in the current situation."

Ken opened his mouth to argue then thought better of it. He clenched his fists against the sick pain in his belly. _Yohji knew this. He told me to do it. But... I can't just abandon him. I can't._ He scrubbed his face with one hand, knowing that he was showing weakness by doing it. _And I won't. I'll just have to work at it afterward. I'll be able to ask for more later._ He nodded once, abruptly. "If that's the best I can get."

"Your Yohji is starting to interest me greatly. He seems to elicit strong... reactions." The High Lord looked away, giving Ken a moment of almost privacy. "Anything else?"

"I want a... a referee. Someone who doesn't work for Crawford to make sure he plays fair, to stay with me during and after. I don't trust him."

"Done."

"And somebody needs to teach Ran to shield. Last night almost killed him." _Plus Schuldig's playing games with his mind._

The High Lord frowned. "Yes. That's a bad situation. I'd be stepping in anyway." He leveled a hard look at Ken. "Bear this in mind-- I don't make many rules for people like you-- or like Crawford-- but those I make, I mean, and I will enforce."

Ken blinked and tried to figure out what that meant. After a moment, he shrugged. _Whatever. Not like we've got choices._ "I want Taisken for him and for Omi, too. Without telling Crawford that Omi's awake."

"If Crawford asks me to look at your friend, I will not lie. I have no obligations to Omi, while Crawford and I have exchanged oaths."

"He won't ask," Ken replied, squashing his own doubts. _Omi's easier to handle, more of a lever on Ran, if he's still out. Yeah, but... How long could he really stay out like that without real damage? Would Crawford care?_ "Is there anything that'll help Omi? Besides blocking, I mean. I know cyberpsi is dangerous..."

The High Lord looked back at Ken and shook his head. "Convince him never to use the power again."

 _Not a chance in hell._ "Only if he, Ran and Yohji are free and safe."

"Then--" The High Lord broke off, looking distracted, and held up a hand to halt the conversation. After a moment, he rose to his feet. "Dine with me tonight." It was not in any way an invitation. "I'm needed elsewhere now." He turned his back on Ken then looked back for a second. "When you hear the news, don't worry. Your friend is as safe as he was." The High Lord walked away.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Amy the Evitable, Hope of Dawn, Olna Jenn and Truth for various bits of beta reading, commentary and encouragement.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Nagi spent dinner considering and discarding plans for the rest of the evening. As they cleaned up after the meal, Yohji kept sneaking looks at Nagi, who found the attention flattering until he realized that Yohji was trying to figure out what would happen next. _Doesn't he trust me?_ He very deliberately refused to look at the part of himself that understood Yohji's uncertainty.

Eventually, Nagi had enough. _Ignoring it isn't working._ "Go into the bedroom, Yohji-kun. I'll finish up here." _Not that there's much left, but it gives us both a moment..._ He watched Yohji go. _He... He doesn't look so deadly now. Earlier today, though..._ He replayed part of the fight in his mind, enjoying the resulting surge of lust. _I own that. It's waiting for me, and I--_ The plastic cup he held crumpled under the combined pressure of his fingers and his mind. _Anything I want. Anything._

 _No. I want tonight to be_ nice _. Like last night was supposed to be._ He tossed the fragments of the cup into the disposal without really looking. _Why bother being nice? I don't have to. He's not going to complain no matter what I do._

 _But... I want more than not complaining, and I... I don't want to... When he fought-- Why can't he just be happy?_ He shook his head, dismissing the thought, and finished disposing of the leftover food. _Everything else can wait for the cleaning staff tomorrow._ He hesitated. _Should I take in some wine? Hot chocolate for after? No, that's stupid. I should have had wine with dinner, and hot chocolate would just get cold. I'm going to take longer than that._

He walked slowly through the rest of the apartment, making sure everything was in its proper place for the night. _Nothing unexpected. The locks are engaged. The walls are still solid. Nobody's getting in tonight._ He let himself think about Yohji's body and how much he was going to enjoy fucking it again, but every time he tried to picture Yohji naked, he saw him standing stoic while other hands-- _Medical hands,_ he reminded himself-- wandered over his body. _I'm_ not _jealous. Not. No reason to be._

He set his jaw. _That's it. I need to see him. I need to-- to remind us both._ He strode into the bedroom to find Yohji perched, almost tentatively, on the edge of the bed. _We belong together._

Yohji took one look at Nagi's face then slipped off the bed. He knelt with his head bowed. Someone less familiar with him than Nagi was might have thought him relaxed.

 _Resigned is more like._ Nagi tried not to think about either why that hurt or how much that turned him on. _But always graceful..._ "Stand up, Yohji-kun."

Yohji stood. He stepped away from the bed, stopping about three steps from Nagi. His arms hung at his sides. He met Nagi's eyes just for a second then looked at the floor.

 _He's too damned tall._ Nagi's jaw clenched as he realized again that he had to look up in order to meet Yohji's eyes. _Never mind. That's not his fault._ "Take off your shirt." _And it's not like there's a way to change it. Yes. That's right. Let me see you. I need to-- Explore. Yes. Explore. And then I'll fuck you, and that'll feel good. Damned good._ His belly tightened at the thought.

Yohji hesitated almost imperceptibly before pulling his sweatshirt up and over his head. He held the shirt dangling from one hand while his eyes darted to Nagi's face again.

Nagi gave a short, sharp wave of his hand, almost a flick of his fingers. _Get rid of it._

Yohji nodded minutely and tossed the shirt away. He raised his chin so that he stared at the wall over Nagi's shoulder rather than at the floor.

 _He should know better._ "Look at me." The words came out more sharply than Nagi had intended.

Yohji obediently focused his eyes on Nagi's face.

 _No reluctance. Good._ Nagi allowed himself a smile. _Are you wondering what I'm doing, what comes next?_ He gentled the smile as much as he could. _Don't worry, Yohji-kun. We're starting easy, and this part isn't about sex._ He stepped closer and reached out to run a hand over Yohji's chest.

Yohji shifted his weight from one foot to the other then back again.

Frowning, Nagi pulled his hand back. _No._ "Stay _still_ , Yohji-kun." _I don't want to react to a non-existent threat. I spent enough time waiting for you to heal, and I_ am _going to get sex out of this. No more waiting. Maybe I should just get on with that-- No. I'm going to face this. I'm not weak._

"Yes, Nagi-san." Yohji cleared his throat, and his face showed worry.

Nagi sighed. _Don't make this harder._ "Yes?" He allowed a hint of his impatience into the word.

Yohji flushed and looked away for a second before setting his shoulders and meeting Nagi's eyes again. "I'll do my best. Really. But there are things-- My body-- I'll try. I just..." He shook his head.

"I'm not going to punish you." Nagi set his jaw just for a second. _I'm not that weak._ "Just stay still." He moved in close, wrapping his fingers around Yohji's arms and nuzzling his neck. _Oh, yes. This is better. I_ want _. Forget the testing. No. I_ need _to know._ He bit gently, tasting just a bit of salt and feeling a strand of Yohji's hair under his tongue. _Mine._

Yohji sighed and let his head roll to one side, giving Nagi better access.

"I need," Nagi whispered in Yohji's ear. _I need-- What?_ He gave a soft groan and ground his body against Yohji's. _Yes. Let me in._

Yohji flinched, hesitated, then moved, rubbing against Nagi in turn.

 _No._ Nagi took three steps back. "I need--" he said then shook his head. "I need to see how I feel about the changes first. I need to see all of you, and... Don't move. If you do... Well." He shrugged. _It won't be_ my _fault. But I won't be punishing him, either._ He looked Yohji over. _He's still too damned tall._ "I'm sure neither of us will be pleased if you provoke me." _You're smart. Connect the dots._

Yohji's eyes widened, and he tensed visibly. "I'll... I'll try. I'm sorry, Nagi-san. I'll do better. I promise." The last two words came out firm, certain.

"Good." Nagi pulled Yohji's head down for a quick kiss. He resisted the urge to deepen it, to push Yohji backward onto the bed. _Not yet. Affection. Reassurance. Don't scare him now._ He ran his hands over Yohji's chest. _It doesn't_ feel _dangerous. The hair, it being gone helps._ He inhaled deeply. _And he smells like Yohji, not like sweat._ He traced the flow of muscles with his eyes then with his hands, abdomen to chest to shoulder. _His arms are beautiful. Deltoid, biceps brachii, brachialis, triceps brachii-- Enough._ He stepped back so that he could view Yohji's entire body. _I own this. Mine._ He swallowed hard, fighting back lust, then smiled. _Lust is a good sign. Yes. He breathes right, from the belly. Of course, he does! He could hardly fight like that if-- Wait._ "It's okay to breathe deeply, Yohji-kun. That's not going to surprise me." He ran a finger over Yohji's lips.

Those lips parted minutely in response.

 _Not quite welcome. Doesn't he want me?_ Nagi frowned. _He will. I'll make him._ He shook his head as he pulled his head back. "Talk to me." _I want_ you _not a statue of you. And not a puppet, either..._ He touched each of Yohji's more visible scars in turn, just brushing his fingertips over them. _He's been shot so many times. And survived. That's what he does._ "Tell me about these. Or about your favorite flowers. Or why you chose a wire. Something you." _Something no one else knows..._

Yohji cleared his throat, opened his mouth and hesitated. "Something me? I..." He blinked several times, rapidly. "I guess... My mother smelled of sandalwood. She used to get those cloth packets filled with the powder to put in her drawers. For a long time, I thought it was just her, that she was special. Later, when she died, I found them, when my aunt and I packed up her things."

Nagi closed his eyes and ran his fingers across Yohji's chest, trying to see if he could tell by touch where the darker skin around the nipple began. _It feels the same. Mostly._ He let Yohji's words float past him. _I'll remember later, if it matters. Hm. It's just skin. Warm, a little elastic, hardness beneath._ Yohji's voice made a buzz, just a tiny vibration beneath his fingers.

Nagi opened his eyes again. He pinched one of Yohji's nipples, applying a gentle, testing pressure. _These are weird. What did that book say? Vestigial. Left over from before the embryo started being male. Capable of lactation, even, if chemically stimulated._ He gave a frown of distaste and pulled his hand back. _Okay. Quoting bio texts is not the way to go._

Yohji flinched and said very rapidly, "I'm sorry, Nagi-san. I can talk about something else."

Nagi blinked. _What? Why? Oh._ "It's all right. Not anything you said." He ran a hand down Yohji's left arm. "I just..." His fingers reached Yohji's wrist. He stopped and lifted the arm. "Do you miss it? Your... watch, I mean." _I think I do. That makes no sense. I hadn't even noticed before now--_

Yohji flexed his fingers once, almost reflexively, before letting them fall limp again. He darted a look at Nagi's face. "I..." His free hand clenched into a fist so tight that Nagi wondered if his fingernails would draw blood. "I never used to take it off. Never." He cleared his throat. "That's why I picked it. I didn't want to have to go unarmed. Not ever."

 _And I took that from you._ Nagi let the arm drop and walked slowly around Yohji. He watched muscles tighten and twitch in Yohji's back. _You know I could do anything, don't you? But I won't. I don't have to._ "Maybe someday." He trailed a finger along Yohji's spine, smiling at the shiver the touch provoked. "Not a watch. That's too Earth. Maybe..." He lifted Yohji's right hand and turned it palm upward. He traced one fine line of scar tissue then another. "Did any of your..." His lips twisted as he suppressed instinctive anger. He searched for a word that would give him distance. _No other hands on him. None._ "Did your _conquests_ \--" _Yes. Perfect._ "Did they ever ask about these?" _He is mine. They were his. I win. They lose._

Yohji had continued facing forward as Nagi paced around him. Now, he turned his head, looking down at the hand Nagi held. He licked his lips. "One or two. Not so many as you'd think. Never the Kritiker people. They always _looked_ for the scars, though, like they were making sure it was really me." He closed his eyes for a second. "Those that asked, I said something about wire in floral arrangements. Utter bullshit, but... asking at all is damned rude."

 _Kritiker._ Nagi traced the scars again then turned the hand over. _Such strength in these._ He moved each finger, rolling the hand into a fist then opening it again. _Mine._ "They hurt you a lot. Kritiker, I mean."

Yohji gave a minute shrug, moving only the shoulder attached to the arm Nagi wasn't touching.

 _I can give you revenge. None of the others could offer that._ "Anyone in particular? If Crawford doesn't need them..." He flicked his fingers as if knocking something down. Then he caressed Yohji's jaw and whispered, "Slow or fast, whichever you like."

Yohji leaned into Nagi's hand. He sighed. "I don't... I don't care about the little people, the ones 'following instructions.'" The twist he gave the last two words gave lie to the rest of the statement. "They don't matter. I just never want to see them again." His disgust seemed honest. "Nagi-san, please... If you mean this... Could you find out and tell me-- Who lied? Who decided to tell me they were sure Asuka was dead?"

 _Asuka._ Nagi's fingers tightened on Yohji's wrist. _Neu._

Yohji gave a small whimper and seemed to shrink in on himself without physically moving.

"You loved her, didn't you?" Nagi tried to keep bitterness and jealousy out of his voice and knew he'd failed. He squeezed a little harder, deliberately using his telekinesis to increase the pressure.

"She's dead, Nagi-san." Yohji's left hand clenched into a fist, but his voice remained calm, gentle and not quite pleading. "I killed her."

"I know." Nagi dropped Yohji's arm and moved to face him squarely. "Tot told me. Repeatedly." _She hates you. Two years ago, I'd have killed you for her. And missed all of this._

Yohji met his eyes. "Did you love her? Tot, I mean. You-- You seemed so upset when--" He shook his head and added in a near whisper, "You were very sweet together."

"I don't want to talk about Tot." Nagi made no effort to control his anger. He had no desire to think about her either.

Yohji dropped to his knees and bowed his head. He covered his belly with his arms, cradling his bruised wrist carefully.

 _He expects me to beat him._ Nagi went utterly still. _And I could._ He clenched his hands against the explosive urge for violence. His power and his anger coiled together, pressing outward so that his skin felt tight. _I could. It would feel good. Nobody'd care, and he couldn't-- wouldn't-- stop me._

Yohji looked up for just a second, meeting Nagi's eyes. Then he looked at the floor again.

 _No fear at all._ Nagi relaxed his hands. _That was-- Was it relief? No. Not relief. Not._ He took a deep breath, trying to channel his anger into something more controlled. _It wouldn't really feel that good, and I'd have to wait again. If I didn't kill him. I wouldn't kill him. I have more control than that. He shouldn't have said that, even if no one's watching. He knows what I can do, and he's not stupid, not suicidal. He didn't challenge me, not really._ He smiled, letting some of his anger out in his expression, and put a hand on Yohji's head, wrapping strands around his fingers and pulling just a little. "Asuka-- Did you love her, Yohji-kun?"

For a moment, Yohji didn't respond. Nagi tugged his hair again, harder. Finally, Yohji whispered, "Yes." Then, in a stronger voice, he said, "Yes. I did." His jaw set. "And I killed her anyway."

 _Is that a threat, Yohji-kun?_ Nagi laughed, suddenly amused. "You don't love me." _Yet._

Yohji didn't respond.

 _But the silence is answer enough._ "You will." Triumph felt better than anger, so Nagi let the last of that go.

"I know." Yohji sounded resigned. Then he raised his head to look at Nagi. "That won't be so bad, really." He smiled with only a hint of sadness.

Nagi touched Yohji's cheek gently. _I don't want you to be sad._ "Stand up." _I'll make sure you don't regret being with me._ He let go of Yohji's hair and stroked Yohji's back as he stood. "I'll look into the Kritiker matter." _And if I don't find anything, I'll just blame Takatori Shuichi. He's dead, so Crawford definitely doesn't need him._

Yohji nodded once. "Thank you."

 _Enough playing around._ "Finish getting undressed and get up on the bed." Nagi turned away and started taking his own shirt off. He took his time removing his clothing, giving each fastening its own moment of attention, refusing to allow his lust to push him to obvious clumsiness. _I'm not going to be that... unsophisticated. He can wait for me._ He watched as Yohji stripped rapidly, scrambled onto the bed and knelt with his back to Nagi. _Why isn't he watching me?_

Nagi couldn't resist a telekinetic caress, a lingering touch along Yohji's back. Yohji arched into the contact, and Nagi lengthened it, pressing a little harder. _Yes. Nothing wasted. Solid. Perfect. Muscle and bone almost fluid. There. He moves with intent._ Nagi growled low in his throat. _Better than hands. I can touch more all at once._

At the sound of Nagi's growl, Yohji turned his head to look, and his lips curved into a faint smile.

Nagi licked his lips and let his psychic hands wander over Yohji's body. _Mine._ "Keep looking at me."

Yohji went very still, hardly even breathing. His eyes moved a little, tracking Nagi's hands as they moved from button to belt. _That's right, Yohji-kun. I'll be there soon. Anticipate it._ Nagi shrugged out of his shirt, letting it fall to the floor and crumple around his feet. He stepped out of his pants. _Skin to skin. Soon. Nothing between us at all. Yes._

He walked toward the bed, sending his telekinesis fumbling in the bedside drawer in search of the lubricant he'd placed there the day before. "I've been wanting this all day, Yohji-kun." He let his lust flow out, unimpeded, enjoying the knowledge that Yohji would feel its strength and sincerity. "Wanting you." _And all day yesterday and..._

Yohji's breath hissed between his teeth, and he almost looked away. Then he nodded. "Nagi-san," he whispered. He leaned forward, putting some of his weight on his hands, only flinching a little at the strain on his injuries.

Nagi found himself kneeling on the bed, lubricant clutched in one hand, without being aware of crossing the intervening space. He ran his free hand over Yohji's ass. _Just a moment longer... Soon._ His cock ached, demanding stimulation, satisfaction. He almost put his hand on it but restrained himself at the last moment. _That's not what I want. I want--_ He bared his teeth, squeezed Yohji's leg and inched forward so that he could grind himself against Yohji's body. _Oh, yeah. That. And that. And... Around, under, with me. Yes._ He cleared his throat. "On your back." _I want to see you._

Yohji hesitated. "Please..." He looked away.

Nagi growled again and pushed, tumbling Yohji onto his side. _Now. Want now._

Yohji started to curl in on himself then took a deep breath and stretched out under Nagi's gaze. He extended his legs, rolling so that he lay fully on his back. He let his arms fall to his sides as if he wasn't quite sure what to do with them. He met Nagi's eyes and offered a faint smile.

 _Mine._ Nagi returned the smile with a nod that he hoped Yohji would see as encouraging. He squeezed Yohji's calves with his hands. _Strength. Muscle. Yes._ He pushed his telekinesis across Yohji's belly, reveling in the knowledge that Yohji allowed it. He let his telekinesis brush across Yohji's throat. He pressed gently along the underside of Yohji's jaw. _Anything I want._ He laughed. "What a gift." He had to force the words out past his libido's insistence that his breath was needed for other things.

Nagi folded Yohji's legs, lifting them up and out of the way. _Yes. So._ He hooked Yohji's hands behind Yohji's knees and smiled fierce approval as Yohji obeyed the unspoken command by pulling up so that his ass was more accessible. _Now._ He squeezed lubricant onto his fingers. At the same time, he reached out, telekinetically, to caress Yohji's cock. _Do it_ right _. Show him--_

His telekinesis touched flaccid flesh, and he froze for just a moment. _He's not--_ His eyes confirmed his other sense. _How'd I miss that? He's not into this. I want him to be into this._ He pulled back physically. _How can he not-- I've done everything-- I thought--_ He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came. _No._ His face hardened, and he shook his head. _I don't care. I've waited all fucking day._

Yohji refused to meet Nagi's eyes. He turned his head away. His breathing speeded up, but he didn't move otherwise.

 _If that's how you want it._ Nagi smeared lubricant on Yohji's anus then inserted a finger. _I need this. Now._ He tossed aside the tube of lubricant and began slicking his cock. _God, yes._ He thrust into his own hand. _Nothing between us this time. Skin on skin. Now. Quick._ He pushed a second finger and then a third into Yohji's body then stretched them apart. Unable, unwilling, to wait any longer, he moved in even closer, pushing his cock roughly through the resistance it encountered.

Then he was inside, held within Yohji's body. The warmth and the pressure combined with his own prolonged anticipation almost made him come immediately. He held himself still for a moment, not wanting it to end so quickly. Then he began to move in and out rapidly, savoring pressure and friction and victory.

A jerk and a tiny whimper from the body beneath him told him that he'd gone too fast, that he was hurting Yohji, but his urgent need overwhelmed that consideration. He pulled back and thrust again, biting his lip and throwing his head back in an effort not to come quite yet. His hands gripped Yohji's forearms. "Mine!" He pushed himself home again. "Yes!"

He wasn't sure, after, how long it took him to come. The orgasm rolled through him, winding him up tight before releasing him with an almost explosion that left him not quite sure of the boundaries of his physical body. He lay unmoving on top of Yohji for a long moment. He sighed and let his head rest on Yohji's chest. _Oh, yes..._ He inhaled deeply, trying to set Yohji's scent in his memory. _As a good thing. A very good thing._

Yohji echoed Nagi's sigh and lay unmoving.

Nagi felt Yohji's heart beating rapidly. _This wasn't good for him._ He closed his eyes and pushed away the beginnings of a guilty misery. _That's not my fault. And he didn't_ object _. He could have. He could have._ He pushed himself up to his knees and placed a hand on Yohji's chest. _I should say something. I don't know what to say..._ He pulled away from Yohji's body. _I should clean up first._ He frowned. "I'll be back in a minute." He reached over without looking and brushed Yohji's hair from his forehead. "You rest for a little."

When Nagi returned, he found Yohji curled up on the bed. _He looks..._ He shook his head. "Go clean up, Yohji-kun." He made his voice as gentle as he could, knowing that he wasn't capable of more apology. _And I'm not sorry. I'm not._ "You'll feel better then." He ran a hand along Yohji's arm and wasn't particularly surprised to feel rigidly clenched muscles. "Take something for the pain, too. It's been hours since the doctor gave you that shot. I left the pills by the sink."

Yohji moved slowly, rolling to his feet. He kept his arms folded across his body, his left hand cradling his right wrist. He looked at the floor.

Nagi turned away for a second then made himself look at the bruises ringing that wrist. _He shouldn't have talked about her. But... I didn't mean to do that. I meant to be kinder._ He touched Yohji's shoulder. "Shower if you want to. I'm going to make hot chocolate." _I hurt him. I knew I might, and he did go along. He knew I needed that. It's not like I really hurt him, not the way I could._

Yohji nodded and walked slowly toward the washroom. Semen stained faintly pink with blood leaked down his leg.

Nagi looked away. _Maybe a decadent dessert... Something like that makes everything better._

*****'  
Yohji turned the water on before he threw up. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Not that running the water will help if he's watching..._ He rinsed his mouth and spat. _Hell. Why hide it? Not like I've got any pride left._ He splashed water on his face. _No, but he does, and he doesn't want to be-- to see himself as-- a monster. I have to pretend or..._ He shook his head. _The 'or' doesn't bear thinking about._

He covered his face with his hands. _Could I have been any more stupid? He's jealous of Weiss, he's jealous of the doctors touching me, he's jealous of people who look at me in the fucking hallways. Of course, he's going to freak out when I mention Asuka._ He hesitated over the medication, staring at the vial and wondering what exactly the little blue pills would do. The fact that the labels were in an unfamiliar language didn't reassure him. _How many am I supposed to take?_ Finally, he shrugged and swallowed one tablet. _I'll ask him when I go back out._

He crossed to the bathing room, taking the vial with him. _I'll shower as ordered. He probably doesn't like how I smell right now._ He heard Nagi moving around in the kitchen. _Hot chocolate's his comfort food. What the hell does he need comfort for right now? I'd kill for a cigarette. Even if I can't smoke it, just holding it..._

He decided against washing his hair. _I don't think that smells like sex. I could have-- should have-- used his lust again, gotten off on it. He'd have been happy._ Bile rose in his throat, and he spat in an effort to clear the bitterness from his mouth. _No. That's sick. All it'd do is drive me under that much sooner, make me forget that what I want isn't always what he wants. I need to... to_ negotiate _on my way down. I can't do that if I can't tell what's me and what's him._ He leaned his head against the wall of the shower and let the warm water pound him. _But I'm tired of fighting. So very tired..._

When he emerged from the shower, he found a thin, gray, cotton robe hanging on one of the hooks near the door. _That wasn't there when I went in. When did he--? No. I don't want to know._ He wasn't particularly surprised to find that the robe fit perfectly. _All the new clothes do. And they're all... He doesn't want to show off my body, not that way. Nothing... sexy. Well, I got no problem with that. None._

He hesitated, just for a second, before opening the door. _I have to go out there eventually. If I don't, he'll just come looking, and..._ He shook his head, squared his shoulders and walked out. _The kitchen first. He might still be there._ But, apart from the scent of chocolate, the kitchen was empty. _The bedroom then._ His belly tightened. _I am not afraid. He's mellower after. And I bet I can get him off again, easy, if I have to. He liked that blow job yesterday, liked it a lot._

When Yohji entered the bedroom, he found Nagi looking at his DVDs. _Another movie. Well, it could be worse... Actually, a movie's a good idea now._ He cleared his throat. "Nagi-san."

Nagi looked over at him and smiled. "I thought maybe a movie with dessert." He made a tiny beckoning gesture, and Yohji crossed the room to stand near him.

"Dessert?" _Lovely. Food. Just what I need. I can do this. I can._ Yohji forced a smile.

Nagi nodded toward a tray on the bed. "We've actually got a chef who does nothing but desserts. He likes to experiment, little batches of this and that. I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I asked for a sampler. He finds chocolate fascinating. Cinnamon, too."

Yohji blinked. _Experiment?_ "He's... he's not from Earth, then?" He didn't look at Nagi, focusing instead on the shelves of DVDs.

"No." Nagi sounded amused. "Almost nobody here is. The base is designed to mimic a lot of Earth stuff, at least in places, so that agents can train, but..." He shrugged. "That it makes me more comfortable is a bonus."

 _From your point of view or from theirs? I suppose I'll find out._ "So what are we going to watch?" _Something long so we don't have to talk. No. We need to talk. Just... carefully._ Yohji looked sideways at Nagi, trying not to be obvious about it.

Nagi shrugged. "I hadn't decided. Something light?"

"Light's good." _What counts as light?_ Yohji scanned the titles. _I don't care what we watch._ "How about something with explosions?"

"James Bond?"

"Sure." Yohji pointed to a movie he thought he remembered being appropriately ridiculous. _We can both laugh at that. Roger Moore. Stupid villains. Mostly naked women. And old enough that it won't matter if he gets jealous of the actresses. Old enough that he shouldn't get jealous. Even if they looked hot then..._

He drank his hot chocolate quickly, at first, just wanting to get through it. Then he realized that Nagi might be expecting him to savor the beverage. He stared into his mug as the opening credits blared. _Well, he's sipping. And I think he put fancy stuff in it. No drugs this time, just... Is this supposed to be really good chocolate? Damned if I know._ He set the mug down and focused on the movie.

"You've done infiltration, right, Yohji-kun? That would never work."

"Well..." Yohji picked up his mug again. "Some people are really stupid, but _I_ wouldn't try it." _He likes me being an expert. Why? Doesn't matter right now._ He considered for a moment. _If I did have to get into a place like that..._ He snorted. "Of course, this is more fun to watch." He reached for one of the bite sized pastries from the dessert tray then paused, eying his selection dubiously.

"I think that one's got nuts and that root beer tasting paste," Nagi said. "I forget what the stuff's called, but I think it's from Dimwei."

 _Dimwei? No. Not asking._ Yohji shrugged and picked up the pastry. He popped it into his mouth and chewed. As he swallowed, he made a face. "I don't see why your chef thought that was a good idea."

"I think he's from Dimwei, so he's probably used to it." Nagi grinned. "Might even be a point of honor to use the damned stuff." He pointed to another tiny dessert. "That one should taste better. I remember seeing it on the dessert buffet at the last party Crawford hosted."

Yohji obeyed the implicit command and picked up the pastry. _I should eat as many of these as I can stomach. I need the calories. Especially after throwing up dinner._ He stared blankly at the screen as 007 flirted with yet another gorgeous woman.

"Does he know something we don't?" Nagi actually sounded puzzled. "I mean, does he know she's involved in the plot or is he just stupid? We know from the credits, but how the hell does he know?"

"Maybe he's just lucky?" _Ken would call it Plot Power._ Yohji felt a wrenching pang of homesickness. He closed his eyes for a moment then turned to the only source of comfort available to him. He laid his head on Nagi's thigh, and Nagi immediately began stroking his hair. _He... It's like he expected me to do that._ He sighed. _He likes that. I knew that. I have to remember that._

"Are you all right, Yohji-kun?"

Nagi's mingled concern, suppressed guilt and resentment over that guilt made Yohji wary. "I'm tired." _Which is true._ "Oh, and I couldn't read the directions with the pills. I took one, but... If you could translate, please?"

"Of course." Nagi smiled.

 _Pleased by a need he can answer without much effort. Is there anything else harmless I can need?_ "I think I left them in the bathroom." Yohji started to sit up. _A moment or two away would be wonderful._

Nagi put a hand on Yohji's chest and pushed him back down. "I'll get it." His face took on an expression of intense concentration, and suddenly, Yohji could no longer sense Nagi's emotions.

 _Why can't I feel him?_ Yohji struggled not to panic. He hadn't realized how much he depended on that awareness of Nagi until it vanished. He kept his eyes on Nagi's face, searching for clues and seeing only a faint smile and a focus on something Yohji couldn't see. _Of course. He doesn't know exactly where it is. That takes a lot of effort, doesn't it? He made it sound like it was easy before, the whole watching me with his power thing. Is it harder because there's more stuff in the way?_

A couple of minutes later, the vial of medicine floated into the room. Nagi raised a hand to catch it, and it flew into his grasp. He looked at the label. "You can take one more now if you need it. Then more eight hours from now."

Yohji thought about it. "Will it make me sleepy? Or make me start giggling or babbling or something?" _Babbling would be bad. I'd be sure to say something he doesn't want to hear._

Nagi frowned then pressed his thumb against the container, moving the pressure from top to bottom. The text rippled and changed. "Sleepy's possible. And let me know if you get a headache."

"Okay then." Yohji sat up and accepted a pill from Nagi. He washed it down with a bit of now lukewarm hot chocolate. He started at the movie for a little, watching the villain set up an elaborate death for 007. _Eight hours, huh?_ He glanced at the clock, a fancy thing in a wooden case with an elaborately decorated face. _That has to be a museum piece. From Earth._ "Nagi-san--" He hesitated, not quite sure how to ask the question. He looked down at his hands. "That's an Earth clock, right?" He felt a surge of smug pride from Nagi and hurried on before Nagi could detail the clock's provenance. _I don't care._ "And we're on another planet? Is the day here actually twenty-four hours?"

Nagi gave him another pride-filled, aren't-you-clever look. "It's twenty-eight and a fraction, but Crawford has us running on a twenty-four hour cycle so agents trained here are used to it when they go to Earth."

 _I need to do that again. Somehow._ "Oh." Yohji thought about trying to get more information or trying to show off more to make Nagi happier, but none of the obvious questions seemed very interesting. _Not next to a little rest. He'll tell me about the agents eventually, and he's happy enough with me right now._ He sighed and lay back down.

"Are you very unhappy, Yohji-kun?" Nagi asked, his voice so soft that Yohji wasn't sure for a moment if he'd heard or imagined the words.

 _How the hell do I answer that?_ Yohji's body went tense, and the lonely unhappiness he felt from Nagi intensified. _That's bad. Very bad._ Cautiously, he said, "Have I given you a reason to think I'm unhappy?" _Well, yes, I have. For someone observant, anyway, but he's been so deep in denial, seeing what he wants. He's not stupid. I have to remember that. I keep... not forgetting. I can't forget that._ He closed his eyes. _Take the risk._ "I-- How would you feel if you were me?"

Nagi's fingers tightened in Yohji's hair, and the air around them moved as if pushed by competing winds. "I want you to be happy."

 _Fuck._ "I just need time. Please. It's all new and weird and happening so fast, and I hurt." _And a few days ago, I was in a cell._ "I can't keep up."

Nagi's agitation eased a little, and the air stilled. "It's going to stay weird, but the pain will go away."

Yohji could still taste Nagi's unhappiness. _How much of my face can he see?_ Yohji forced a smile. "I'm adaptable." _How do I make him happy again?_

Nagi ran his thumb along the line of Yohji's jaw. "What do you need to be happy?"

 _Stick with what's possible._ Yohji opened his mouth then closed it again as his mind went blank. "I don't know." _Oh, right. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ He flinched. "I'm sorry. I don't know." He bit his lip. "When we're together like this--" _After, when you're relaxed. Hell, any time you're relaxed._ "This is nice."

"You like cuddling." Nagi's voice was flat, and he radiated dissatisfaction.

 _He doesn't like that. Why the hell doesn't he like that? What does he want? Does he even know? If he doesn't, how the hell am I supposed to give it to him?_ "Yes." Yohji hesitated then said softly, "It lets me know that you see me as more than just a... convenient route to orgasm."

"Of all the things you are, 'convenient' does not rank among them."

 _Some humor there, I think. I hope._ "I'm sorry." He forced his voice into lightness. "I don't mean to be inconvenient."

Nagi laughed. It sounded forced, but he seemed to relax. "Convenient usually means boring, and if I'd had someone like that with me today, I'd be dead."

Yohji shuddered. _I can't think about him dead. If I hadn't noticed that she_ felt _like an assassin..._ "Why didn't Crawford warn you?" He couldn't stop the question or the way his voice shook as he asked it. _Was he that sure I'd notice and protect you? Why take the risk? It's not like he needed to catch her in the act, not with how things seem to work here._ He clenched his hands. _That was a stupid, stupid, stupid thing to say. He still_ needs _Crawford. He's only eighteen._

Nagi hesitated, radiating anxiety.

 _You can trust me. I need you alive and powerful._ Yohji did his best to be silently reassuring and encouraging.

"His precognition's not very reliable right now. He's flying blind." Nagi almost whispered the words.

Yohji felt Nagi's fear that his world was crumbling so strongly that he longed to take Nagi in his arms and assure him that everything was safe. _A bad idea._ He settled for turning to nuzzle Nagi's hand. _He doesn't want me to protect him. He'd stop feeling safe with me if he thought I could really do that._ "He has a plan. He must have." _And if he doesn't, I'll have to. Somehow. Because Nagi certainly doesn't._

Nagi laughed again. "Oh, he's got a plan. He just can't See the little bumps in the road anymore. That's why he needs Siberian."

 _Ken? He needs_ Ken _? Why? No. Can't ask now. Later._ "Can't see things like assassins." _So what else is he missing?_

"He's also got his head up his ass about Abyssinian." The words had the sound of an old complaint. "He wastes a lot of time on that. But the High Lord's told him to stop, so we're done with that."

"Oh?" Yohji tried to make his interest sound casual. _What was that bastard doing to Ran? He's so easy to hurt... He_ looked _okay, but that was-- How long ago now?_

"The High Lord doesn't think it's seemly for a second tier aristocrat to be playing mind games with his brother-in-law, especially not a brother-in-law who's a dependent. Too much like beating your minions, I guess."

 _Psychological stuff, then. Not so bad. Except it's Ran._ "Second tier?" That seemed like a safer question than any of those he really wanted to ask.

"Crawford's not powerful enough to be first tier, not even with precognition as rare as it is. _I'm_ first tier, though. Even if it is four years till I'm of age."

"Where would I be?"

"If you weren't a slave, you mean?" Nagi considered, unhappiness forgotten as he tackled the question. "Empathy's common, but projective empathy's not quite as much so. You've got amazing range but no control or focus. We don't know much beyond that." He shrugged. "If you trained well, learned finesse, you might, just might, manage third tier."

 _Is that good? Since we're talking, I should ask him something that matters or hint at something... But what?_

Nagi sighed. "You never really answered my question, Yohji-kun. What do you enjoy? What gives you pleasure?"

"I--" Yohji's mind went blank again. "This is nice. Right now, I mean. The talking, the cuddling." _Knowing you're not going to hurt me right now. But I already said I like this. Give him something more._ "I like it when you're happy." _Because then you don't hurt me._ Yohji turned so that he could see Nagi's face more easily.

Nagi's face echoed the frustration Yohji felt radiating from him. He moved a hand down Yohji's body, never quite actually touching. Then he tweaked aside Yohji's robe, exposing his crotch. "This shows you're not happy, Yohji-kun. You didn't want sex. Didn't want _me_."

 _And that's the important part. Shit. I knew I should have put on pajamas. Even if it did mean stripping in front of him._ "I'm sorry. I'm still learning what works for you. I didn't know you wanted... _that_. Next time, I'll do better." _If you just give me some time..._

Nagi's hand hovered for a moment then moved slowly toward Yohji's cock. Nagi's sick revulsion at the thought of touching it made Yohji want to throw up, and his determination made Yohji want to cry.

"Don't. Please. Not like this-- I can _feel_ that you--" _No. Don't call him weak. Don't imply it._

"Direct stimulation's what you said worked." Nagi sounded petulant. He set his jaw in a stubborn line and closed his fingers around Yohji's cock.

"Nagi-san-- Please--" Yohji's words turned into an only slightly exaggerated cry of pain as Nagi squeezed just a bit too hard.

Nagi let go and jerked his hand back. He looked appalled.

Yohji twisted onto his side and pulled his legs up. After a second, he pulled his robe over to cover himself.

"I'm sorry," Nagi said with careful dignity. "I misjudged."

 _Embarrassment and anger at being embarrassed. Great. Do I play up or down? Down, I think. It's not like he really hurt me. Just... almost._ Yohji sat up. He kept his head bowed. "I'm all right. Really." He still didn't look up. "Sometimes my body just doesn't cooperate." Something tugged at his chin, lifting it. Recognizing Nagi's telekinesis, he didn't try to resist.

Nagi frowned, part unhappy, part thoughtful. "I want you to enjoy yourself. Both partners are supposed to take pleasure in sex."

 _Partners? Hell. Careful..._ "Nagi-san, I'm your slave, not your lover." _I can't be your lover. Not yet._ "Lovers can say no." Yohji held his breath. _Come on. You're not stupid, and you're not really cruel._

Nagi looked stunned. He opened his mouth then closed it again. Finally, he said, "I want you to be happy."

 _That's as close to begging as he gets. He's unhappy, but I can't give him this. I can't._ "I know." Yohji looked down at the blanket beneath him as he struggled to find the right words. He sighed. "I can lie to you if that's what you want. I just... Honesty's a better foundation."

"You want to say no." Nagi's voice was utterly flat.

Yohji shook his head then shrugged. "I made a bargain. I'll keep it."

"A bargain." Nagi's lips twisted as if the word tasted bad.

"I'm _trying_ , Nagi-san. I'm afraid I'm... damaged. Honesty's all I can offer. I do like you sometimes, and I wish we had... started differently. Maybe if I hadn't fought..." _Maybe if you'd-- No. No point going there. He didn't. He wouldn't. And I don't think he's ready to look at the change._

"Why did you? You weren't and then--" Nagi seemed surprisingly calm.

"I was losing me. It's going to happen anyway, but I thought I might be able to... to keep something." _We need to have this conversation, and we might as well have it now. You're calmer after you've gotten off._

"I think you have. I wouldn't want you otherwise."

Yohji stared at him for a second in disbelief then smiled and ducked his head. _He really believes that. How the hell can he believe that?_ "There's only so much pain I can take." _Will he understand that I don't mean physically?_

"I don't want you to hurt, and I don't want you to lose anything." Nagi sighed. "But I do keep hurting you..." The last sentence came out in a near whisper.

 _He almost couldn't say that. It cut him coming out._ "That's your right. I'm a slave." Yohji raised his head and straightened his back and shoulders.

Nagi made a gesture of negation. "That's a legal category not a relationship."

 _Bullshit._ Yohji bowed. "As you say."

Nagi hesitated. He looked down at his hands. "The fantasy would be... pleasant." He looked up again, eyes firmly on Yohji's face. His expression had altered, setting itself into determined lines. "What does it mean to you, then, being a slave?"

 _He's really asking that. He wants to know. No. He_ doesn't _, but he won't let that stop him. Should I? Yes. A better time may never come._ Yohji gave Nagi a brief, sincere smile. "I really _do_ like you sometimes." He looked away, fixing his eyes on one of the prints decorating the walls. "A slave can't say no. It all comes down to that. Well, he can _say_ it, but nobody's going to listen. It doesn't mean anything. And if he insists--" Yohji clenched one hand into a fist. "--his owner can do whatever he wants to-- _anything_ \-- to... to _break_ the no. The shoes he wears, the cut of his hair, the food he eats, any choice he has is at somebody else's whim, and he's not guaranteed even to _have_ clothes or food or... hair. Control over him can be sold, lent, given away."

 _Do you understand? Yes, I think you do. Even if you don't want to, don't like it.And it doesn't matter if I like you or not. Except that you want me to._

Nagi turned off the TV, depressing the distant switch telekinetically. "Do you think I'm going to starve you?"

Yohji shook his head. _Not going to address the other points? Will you think about them later? Maybe. Maybe..._

"I don't _intend_ to hurt you." Nagi sounded almost plaintive.

Yohji pulled his bruised wrist to his chest and cradled it there in wordless response. After a moment, satisfied that that message had gotten across, he bowed his head and said softly, "I knew what I was signing up for. It's not like anybody tricked me or lied to me."

"Why aren't you lying to me?"

Yohji refused to smile at the almost awed disbelief he sensed mixed with Nagi's puzzlement. _Because it's my only hope._ "Because I _do_ like you. Sometimes. I don't want to give up."

Nagi shook his head, obviously not quite understanding. "Eat another pastry, Yohji-kun. I'm going to pick another movie."

 _Well, that could have gone worse._ Yohji picked a pastry at random and pushed it into his mouth as he watched Nagi walk across the room. _It could have gone much worse._


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Daegaer and Catnotdead for various bits of beta reading, commentary and encouragement.

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

 

Ran held his head and wished his headache were worse. _Then it might actually swallow me so I could disappear._ He raised his head and looked at the door into Omi's room. _Any minute he'll come out and ask what happened, why was I out so long. How do I tell him--?_

As if summoned, Omi appeared in the doorway. "Ran? Are you all right?" He frowned a little as if Ran's appearance worried him. "Is there something I could get for you?"

 _What works for a hangover?_ "Water, please. I think... There might be something for pain in the medicine cabinet." Ran hesitated then added, "Ken thought alcohol would make last night easier for me. He didn't drink at all." _What do I tell Omi about Ken?_

Omi nodded and headed for the kitchen.

Ran swallowed hard. "Ken said that he thought about asking the High Lord not to give you the language. Just so I couldn't tell you anything for another day or two. Instead, he just kept me away until it was done." He closed his eyes, seeing Ken lying still on the narrow bed, tubes disappearing under the light blanket that covered him to his chest. "He said you needed the language too much and that twelve days of worrying wasn't better than fourteen." _Ken wanted me there. I think... I think he wanted a friend there, and I was the best he could do. He wanted a friend all night._

"What will worry me?" Omi's words were clipped and tense. He held out a cup, keeping it steady in front of Ran until he gripped it firmly.

"Today they did that thing to start his precognition." Ran took a moment to drink. "He's going to be unconscious for about two weeks. What he didn't tell us--" He set the cup down carefully. "The process is...mostly safe." He bit his lip. _You're not going to like the next part._ "The part that isn't, the thing you'll--" _We'll._ "--worry about is after he wakes up." He looked up and met Omi's eyes. "Having precognition is dangerous. Having powerful precognition is almost unsurvivable. He might be fine. He thinks he will be." _The High Lord thinks he will be. He wouldn't bother with dinners and...gifts otherwise._

Omi's expression darkened, and Ran wondered how anyone could think him harmless. _No, he doesn't show that face to most people. He...trusts me._

"I didn't feel this bad earlier." _I've been up for three hours. I thought hangovers were worse right after a person woke up._ Ran rubbed the side of his face, right below his left eye. _Maybe I should have had breakfast._ The thought of food brought acid into his throat.

Omi sat down on a stool several feet away. "Can we make a difference?"

The question sounded urgent, so Ran gave it his full attention. "I don't see how. Not unless we can get inside Ken's brain and make sure he stays sane." _And that sounds disgusting. How do telepaths stand it?_ "Everyone said it's up to Ken, that it's not something that can be taught."

Omi's hands clenched and unclenched. "Nobody can help?" When Ran shook his head, Omi took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. He repeated the process several times. "I think I need a full report, as close to verbatim as you can manage. Are you up to that?"

"I can manage." Ran straightened his back. _I always manage._ "And the High Lord said nobody can help. Crawford was..." He pressed his lips together, trying not to let his disgust overwhelm him. _However well the rest of the language works, the swearing feels wrong._ "He was _smug_. Ken said Crawford's sure Ken won't win."

Omi studied Ran for a long moment. "Ken thinks he has a good chance."

 _Ken is insane._ Ran simply nodded. "He's also getting something just for trying. That's why you have the language. That's why I'll be getting lessons in shielding my mind." He rubbed the side of his face again. "I didn't think Ken knew how to bargain."

Omi flicked his hand as if propelling drops of water off his fingertips. "Ken bargaining would have worried Kritiker. They didn't think he could."

 _And I was taken in, too._ "Ken said that I don't pay enough attention to the rest of you." _I thought we were all companions in damnation._

"From what you say, Ken said a lot last night." Omi sounded as if didn't quite approve.

"He said I needed to hear it." _I'm not sure he was wrong._ "He said I'd make bad decisions if I..." Ran shook his head minutely, trying not to make his headache worse. "He said I don't understand any of you." He looked at Omi and tried not to plead. "I _trust_ you." _I don't know if I trust Ken any more._

"It will help the team more if you understand the rest of us." Omi sighed and rubbed his own face. "I haven't pushed you on it because it didn't matter before."

 _Before…here._ "Is it really that important?" _We kill together. What else do I need to know?_

"That depends." Omi licked his lips. "What am I to you?"

Ran blinked. "My boss."

Omi frowned.

 _Not the answer he wanted?_

"Am I your friend, Ran? Are Yohji and Ken?"

"You're..." _What's the right answer? They're comrades. We live and die beside each other._ Now Ran licked his lips. "We're not entitled to--"

Omi snorted. "Cut the crap! We're entitled to the same as other people. You may like to think you're not human or not alive any more, but you're both. All of us are. The logistics of getting what we deserve are...complicated by circumstances, but we're not unworthy. We don't deserve to be severed from the good things in life."

Ran's hands twitched. Omi's words sounded uncomfortably like echoes of Ken's. "Don't you ever feel guilty?"

"I'm going to see about those aspirin." Omi picked up Ran's cup. As he walked out of the room, he said, "We all feel guilty sometimes. We all make choices and pay for them. We all decided what matters to us."

Ran listened as Omi rummaged in the medicine cabinet. _I-- I can't think right now. Am I being a coward? Maybe. Maybe._

"Ken gave up Kase for what was right. Yohji-- Yohji gave up Asuka for me. You..." Omi handed Ran the water and a red capsule. "Do you remember who you are?"

Ran swallowed the capsule, using that as an excuse not to answer. _I'm nobody. We're all nobody._

"Maybe it's because you didn't start with Weiss." Omi sounded sad. "You thought the team existed apart from its members. It doesn't, not really. You could have a team with different people and the same name, but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be what any of us mean when we say 'Weiss.'"

Ran coughed a little. "Weiss is a team with a function."

"No. Weiss is you and me and Ken and Yohji. Losing one of us diminishes Weiss. Losing two... The two left would still have something with each other. We're brothers, Ran. Nothing can change that."

Ran felt like he'd been stabbed. He wrapped his arms around his body. "I-- We-- I don't deserve that."

Omi pushed Ran's hair back off his face. "You have it anyway." He smiled at Ran. "You can't get rid of it."

Ran shook his head. "I don't--"

Omi snapped his fingers in front of Ran's nose. "No. Irrelevant." He walked away to seat himself again. He studied Ran for a moment, leaning his chin on one hand while using a knee to support the arm. "I need that report now."

 _Report? Oh, right._ Ran twitched as he forced his mind to switch into report mode. He cleared his throat. "My sister fussed over us for a couple of hours, trying to get us looking-- and _smelling_ \-- right. At least we got to wear Japanese formal wear." He rubbed the back of his head. _How much of Aya do you need to know about? You were in the next room for that._

Omi frowned and waved two fingers. "Fast forward past the stuff here. I at least heard all of that."

Ran nodded minutely. "The room was huge, a big banquet hall sort of space. The table was small. It looked kind of silly in all that space, but there weren't many of us, just me, Ken, Aya, Crawford, Schuldig and the High Lord at the table. Everybody else was either a guard or a servant. Not all of them were human." _Do you want me to list them?_ He raised his eyebrows to ask the question.

"Later."

"The whole place was crawling with plants. Literally crawling. Some of them moved. Must have driven the guards crazy." _It made my skin crawl._ "Schuldig said someone had told them that Ken liked plants, so it was in his honor." _I didn't recognize half of them as plants. There wasn't much green._ "They'd brought in the best they could find, stuff growing on trellises, stuff in troughs, flowers on the walls and ceiling. At least, I think they were flowers."

"Close enough." Omi shrugged. "Unless it matters later?"

Ran shook his head. "There was a little discussion of it, but it was kind of like talking about the weather, something neutral to fill in space."

********  
Ran kept his eyes on the back of his sister's head. _It's a mission. Not that sort of mission, but still a mission. Bombay gave the order. Siberian's in charge._ He could _feel_ people moving around behind him, and he wanted to look, to move to put something solid behind his back. _She looks older with her hair like this._ He frowned. _She's too young. Too young to be-- whatever she's doing with Crawford. Too young for aliens invading the planet. Too young for politics and torture and…_ He smoothed his expression. _At least, I've got her back._

Aya and Crawford stood next to each other with Ken, still in a wheelchair, on Aya's other side. Schuldig stood behind Crawford just as Ran stood behind Aya.

Ken had explained the whole thing as a way of showing relative status and allegiances. When Ran had asked why he couldn't simply stand behind Ken, putting more distance between himself and Schuldig, Ken had simply leveled a flat glare at Ran and said, "No."

 _How am I supposed to understand if nobody explains?_ Ran smoothed the dark blue fabric of his haori. _The last time I dressed like this was-- Never, really. Our family wasn't that traditional. Or that wealthy._ The long familiar longing for his parents threatened to swallow him. _Dad would know what to do about Aya and Crawford. Wouldn't he? Well, Mom would never have let it happen in the first place. Unlike me._

Crawford cleared his throat and turned to look at Ran. "When the High Lord propositions you," he said, "turn him down politely."

Ken twitched.

Ran blinked, trying to arrange Crawford's words into something that made sense.

Schuldig snickered. _//He said exactly what you think he said.//_ Then Schuldig's mental voice took on Crawford's intonations. _//Going into more detail about the vision would... distress your sister. Amusing as it might be to watch you dealing with the repercussions of saying 'yes,' I will veto it-- publicly-- if I have to.//_ Schuldig's voice returned to normal. _//Try it. Really. I could use a laugh. Oh, and the reason the boss-man's not being more explicit is that he doesn't want to dirty the little woman's ears by talking about s-e-x. You'd think he and she had never--//_

Ran punched Schuldig then raised his fists as Schuldig staggered.

Schuldig leaped at Ran. Only Crawford's out thrust arm stopped Schuldig from grabbing Ran's throat.

"Schuldig!" Crawford glared at the telepath.

Schuldig froze. His eyes widened as his jaw tensed. He made a growling noise low in his throat.

The two men stared at each other for more than a minute. Ran was certain that some sort of secret conversation was taking place. He was also certain that Schuldig didn't like what was being said.

Ken tugged on Ran's sleeve.

Ran turned, looked down at Ken then leaned closer as Ken continued to pull.

"You _will_ say 'no.'" Ken's voice was soft but utterly adamant. He met Ran's eyes. "He won't be serious about it, anyway. He likes seeing how people react."

A slight relaxing in Aya's posture told Ran that she'd heard Ken's words.

 _An absolute ruler,_ Ran reminded himself, _a real absolute ruler, merits_ extreme _caution._ Those were Omi's words, Omi's emphasis, but Ran understood them. _Intellectually, that is. Emotionally--_ He looked around the room, watched servers scurrying, obvious security watching everything and testing everything, musicians tuning, other people-- _People whose jobs I've no idea about._ \--standing around and waiting.

Schuldig said something brief that Ran couldn't understand, and everyone but Ran turned their attention immediately to the closed double doors on the other end of the room.

 _I hate this language programming._ Ran refused to let his embarrassment show as he copied the change of focus. _How many days before I understand anything besides Taisken?_ He'd lost count of the times he'd searched his mind for words that he _knew_ should be there, for concepts that Taisken didn't quite accommodate. _They're still there. Ken and Aya both promised that._

"Two minutes," Ken murmured. "He said, 'Two minutes.' In Japanese."

Aya reached back and patted Ran's arm.

Ran didn't even have to look at Schuldig to know that the use of Japanese had been deliberate, intended to be hurtful. _The time to be careful is when it doesn't_ look _like it's meant to be._ Those words, too, came from Omi, and Ran found himself wishing, again, that their team leader could be present. He took a deep breath. _I can do this. Ken and Aya spent the whole afternoon going over the mission details. If I can remember six new passwords and four floor plans, several detailed dossiers and half a dozen contingency plans, I can remember forms of address and the uses of weird eating utensils. Not like anybody's going to want to talk to me._

'An informal meal,' Aya had called the dinner, but her insistence on drilling him in etiquette and on overseeing every detail of his appearance had indicated otherwise. _Not to mention the clothing. If this is informal, I'd hate to see what these people consider formal. Then again, this is the_ High Lord _. I suppose formality means something different for him._

The doors opened outward. Two women in matching uniforms entered. They scanned the room then moved to stand to either side of the door, their movements and stances mirroring each other. _And they're lethal, too. That precision takes years. Honor guard or bodyguard or both? Both. They have to be._

A few seconds later, an overdressed man came through the door.

 _He's black and blond. I've never seen that before._ Ran blinked. _I was expecting Japanese or Caucasian. No one said. He's not as tall as me but taller than Omi. He looks... not exactly soft. Why is it that the scariest people don't_ look _like they can kill you? He's fit, but he's not lethal. Not physically lethal, anyway._

The High Lord stopped three steps into the room.

Everyone except the guards bowed. Ran made himself take note of how deeply various people bowed. _Status. The ones on the floor are slaves. Omi will want to know._

The High Lord nodded, and one of the musicians played a few notes.

Ran straightened up a fraction of a second after his sister. _Nobody told me we'd have a musical cue._ He kept his expression flat.

Ran followed his sister to the table. He pushed Ken's wheelchair into position then waited while she sat on a low stool. He took his seat between her and Ken. _At least that puts her far away from Crawford. Except…_ He looked across the table at Schuldig. _I don't want_ him _anywhere near my sister._

Schuldig smiled. He said something that Ran couldn't understand.

Aya frowned. "My brother can't currently understand that."

"Telepath Third--" The High Lord's tone was mild. "Are you giving my ward difficulties?"

Ran's jaw dropped. " _Your ward_?" The words came out before he could stop them.

Ken's elbow connected hard with Ran's ribs.

"Well, Mr. Fujimiya, you weren't available." The High Lord raised his glass, and a waiter filled it with what looked like water. _//And you're my ward's brother. I don't think your brother-in-law has quite thought that through. Yet. He's very quick, so I'm sure he'll think of it soon.//_

"I'm not old enough to marry, legally, without a guardian to look after my interests." Aya sighed and didn't quite look at Ran. "Not _here_ anyway." She flashed a smile at the High Lord.

Ran's mental world tilted. _Is my sister flirting with--_ He blinked twice. _Is my sister flirting with the alien overlord of multiple planets?_ He gave as much of a bow as he could while seated. "Thank you for looking after my sister's interests, Highest." Remembering Ken's sharp elbows and Aya's threats of mayhem, he did his best to sound like he meant it. _Not that she'd need it if Crawford hadn't--_

Crawford cleared his throat. "It is quite an honor." He sipped from his glass.

 _Is that why he married her? For the honor of a connection to the High Lord?_ Ran didn't quite believe it, but he would have liked to. He tried his own drink. He couldn't help making a face as bitterness spread across his tongue and clung to his palate.

 _//Vile, isn't it?//_ The sound of Schuldig's voice in his mind made Ran dart a worried glance up the table toward the High Lord. _//He doesn't care,//_ Schuldig said. _//He thinks it's funny how everyone from Earth hates the stuff.//_ "Getehra is made from frost damaged flowers," he said aloud. "It can be done artificially, flower by flower, but the best flavor comes from natural frost." He lifted his glass and studied the clear liquid within. "That doesn't happen to order, so the stuff's hard to come by."

The High Lord laughed. "Not so hard for me." He inclined his head to one side as if bestowing a gift. "That's why I bring it with me when I come to dine with those who haven't yet had time to build a storehouse."

"Ran, it may not taste that way, but getehra is quite alcoholic. Don't drink much." Aya's eyes were on Ken as she spoke, so Ran guessed the warning was for both of them.

 _Or maybe it's an excuse so that I can politely limit how much of it I taste._

 _//She has an excuse not to drink it at all._ She _has water in her glass.//_ Schuldig sounded decidedly jealous.

Ran smiled at Schuldig. _Suck it up. You're not allowed to pick on her._

Servants brought in food. Each carried only one dish, and each walked slowly in front of a row of seven guards, stopping in front of each. Each of the seven guards removed a sample from each dish and placed it on a plate that was angled to be clearly visible to those seated for dinner. Within seconds, each food sample started to glow.

"The plates are poisoned," Aya said softly. "The glow is a warning from nanites in the food, alerting us to the poison. Each color shows the presence of a different class of poison." She smiled. "They're working perfectly."

Ken cleared his throat. "So we shouldn't eat anything fluorescent?"

"It's usually considered unwise," the High Lord replied. "In fact, if one does-- absent visual disability-- it's usually considered as much suicide as murder."

"Seven doesn't seem like many things to test for." Ran was a little surprised that he'd managed to say anything.

"This is an informal meal." The High Lord fluttered his fingers in a way that Ran suspected was meant to convey meaning. "I've seen meals with dozens of testing trays. Of course, at that point, one has to know the patterns well enough to see if anything isn't being tested."

"The High Lord also," Crawford said with a thin smile, "travels with his own kitchen staff and brings his own food. At least for occasions like this." He offered the High Lord an apologetic bow. "I'm afraid it will be several years before we can offer you even a shadow of appropriate hospitality."

 _Royal visits could bankrupt._ Ran considered history. _I wonder if he does that._

 _//Sometimes I do, but I won't do that here. Your sister's husband is no threat. In fact, he's quite useful. He brought me Naoe and your friend, Hidaka, and he knows quite a bit about your world. Not everything but some better starting points than my people would immediately find. Starting from nothing is... inconvenient and time consuming.//_

One of the servants bowed to the High Lord who then raised his hands. The servant ran a cloth over the High Lord's hands, one at a time, carefully cleaning each finger. He bowed again then turned to Ken and waited.

Ken darted a glance at Aya, looking put upon.

Aya twitched her hands. Ran took that to mean that Ken was supposed to raise his hands as the High Lord had, so he stuck a hand under Ken's elbow and pushed. He was tempted to mutter instructions. _But Ken might take it wrong. It's a mission. He wouldn't retaliate now. Later, though…_

The servant started cleaning Ken's hands the moment they were above the table. Ken sighed and raised his hands higher.

 _//His options for trivial retaliation here are rather limited.//_ The High Lord's mental voice sounded amused. _//Potential Hidaka likes you too much to allow anything non-trivial if he has a choice. Even if he didn't, he believes you're important for the others.//_

Another servant handed out damp clothes to the rest of the dinner party. Ran watched all three of the others, trying to make sure he didn't unintentionally break any rules. He wasn't sure if he should be copying his sister or his-- He ground the cloth against his hand. _He's nothing to me. No... He's her husband. I hate it, but she did marry him. Why? Why?_

Crawford had started talking about the delicacies they were about to eat. It was a light explanation of their origins and other ways they were commonly prepared and seemed to be aimed at Ken.

Ran felt free to ignore it.

Aya added comments about amusing mishaps in her personal explorations of Taisken cuisine.

Ran felt a little bad about ignoring that, especially since she laughed. He hadn't heard her laugh in-- _How long?_ He smiled at her. "You always liked trying new things."

Crawford frowned.

The High Lord smiled. "You must have many stories about my ward's childhood." He steepled his fingers and looked over them at Ran. "Tell us."

Aya covered her face with her hands and squeaked an inarticulate protest, all of her careful sophistication vanishing.

Crawford smiled. "It can't be that bad, love." He gave her a little wave.

 _He's...reassuring her._ Ran felt sick. _He loves her, and she... Yes._

"You have no idea!" Aya shook her head then shuddered theatrically. She peeked through her fingers to look at the High Lord. "He'll make things up, you know. Just to embarrass me."

"Well, yes," the High Lord said. "That is the job of older brothers." He looked at Ran. _//At least when parents aren't there to do it. Give her that happiness.//_

Ran barely managed to suppress a flinch. To cover it, he tilted his head to one side and grinned at his sister. "Well..." He made himself laugh. _Teasing needs that._ "I'm only a little older than Aya, you know. I missed some of the better stories just by being too young to notice." _And I'm not a storyteller._ He bought himself a little time by taking a bite of something orange and sauce covered.

"Thank goodness for that!" Aya poked him with one finger. She looked around the table. "I'll have you know that I was a sweet, obedient child."

"Who thought the world would stop turning when she stamped her foot and shouted, 'No!'" The orange thing didn't taste bad exactly, just wrong, so Ran took another bite. "She liked to sing to herself. She'd make a song out of anything-- getting dressed, walking down the street, bathing..." He allowed himself a large grin as he paused to allow Aya to show proper indignation. "...using the toilet."

She hit him, just hard enough to register a protest. "I did not!"

"You did." Ran wasn't going to yield on that point. "You also spent hours talking to a dead fly you found in your window. Mother told father. They kept hoping you'd forget about it so they could throw it away, but you didn't. Then the dead spider showed up."

"You talked to them, too!"

"I was humoring you." Falling back into being a teasing older brother was easier than he'd expected.

"Singing," Crawford said. He sounded pleased. "Our child will, too." He blinked. "Children, some day."

Ran decided not to think about Crawford. "Any child of yours would have to be odd, Aya. What about the mice?" He looked around the table. "She called them the Imaginary Mice. They lived in the closet. She poured imaginary tea-- made with real water-- out for them to drink. Father suggested that they should live in the sink instead of the closet, so they moved." He shook his head. "Poor things only lasted a few minutes before they were washed down the drain."

Ken laughed. "I bet she has stories about you, too."

"I do," Aya said, sounding pleased. "I just didn't know anybody wanted to hear them."

Ran resisted the urge to duck for cover.

"I'd love to," Ken said. He lowered his voice as if wanting to keep Ran from hearing.

 _Difficult when I'm sitting between them._

"We should save those for later," Ken went on. "We wouldn't want Ran to start plotting evil, crazy making gifts for the baby." He waved a hand at Aya's belly. "I've heard that uncles can do that a lot, and I bet he could be... creative."

Ran contemplated the few children he'd encountered in the last few years. _Sticky fingers in everything. Noise. Or…_ He inhaled sharply. He remembered too many dead or damaged children. _Far more of those than the other. My sister is going to have a child. A child. I'm going to be an uncle._ He could imagine that child. _Small. Vulnerable. Family._ He knew beyond doubt that he would kill anyone who threatened that child. _Even if it is Crawford's, too._ He cleared his throat. "If I can't think of anything, I'm sure Ken will have suggestions. He's good with kids." _Better than I am._ He gripped the cloth of his hakama to keep from betraying himself by letting anyone see his hands tremble.

Ken laughed again. "I'm better with older kids. It'll be a while before this one's ready to kick a ball around." He turned to the High Lord. "That's something Crawford didn't tell me-- What're sports like here? Anything I'd enjoy playing?"

The High Lord described his own favorite game. As far as Ran could tell, it involved playing catch while running hurdles in a complicated pattern and having an opposing team trying to trip the runners. The High Lord promised Ken a demonstration. "In three or four weeks. Assuming all goes well."

Ran wasn't blind enough to miss the significant glances running around the table at that. _Ken will tell me if I need to know. Right? Except…_ He looked down at the table, wishing he'd managed to remain oblivious.

******

"The rest of the meal," Ran said, "was light conversation. I missed a lot because I was trying to figure out what Ken hadn't told us." _And wondering how I can manage being an uncle. How can someone like me do that?_ "There was a lot of food. Each course was tiny, and none of it was food I recognized. One servant washed the High Lord's hands between courses while another two gave the rest of us towels with which to wash our own hands.

"The High Lord dismissed Crawford, Aya and Schuldig, saying that Aya needed to rest. Aya wanted me to go, but the High Lord and Ken both wanted me to stay. Ken went so far as to grab my arm, and the High Lord told me Ken would feel better if I stayed." Ran rolled his shoulders.

"Do you need more water?" Omi hadn't said much while Ran had been talking.

"Yeah. I'll get it. I need to get up anyway." Ran thought maybe he might be able to manage some food now, and he preferred to look over the options himself. _That'll let me know what I can handle even thinking about eating. Besides, I need to think about how to tell Omi-- No. I tell him everything, pull no punches._

Ten minutes later, Ran was back in the living room. He had a plate of crackers and sliced pear. Instead of a glass of water, he had a teapot and two cups. "I thought you might like some."

Omi flashed a smile and nodded. He looked as if he'd been thinking hard. "The High Lord is putting a lot of time and effort into Ken."

Ran nodded and ate a slice of pear. He had to force himself not to check the tea. _It won't be ready for another five minutes._ "There's more to come." He looked away then made himself meet Omi's eyes. "It's why I'm not panicking. The next part was all about bonding with Ken. There was some sort video set up for us to watch a taped soccer game while we had drinks, and the servants were all Ken's type and wearing...a lot less." _And 'Ken's type' is a lot broader than I imagined._

********  
"This part really is informal," the High Lord announced. He rose to his feet with a tiny bounce as he straightened. "More alcohol, entertainment and talk about things that shouldn't be widely shared."

Ken poked Ran who took that as his cue to stand as well. Ran gave half his attention to watching Ken for cues and the other half to watching everyone else. _I have Ken's back._ He tried not to think about how little he actually could do if anything went wrong.

"An attack on either of you, in my presence, is the same as an attack on me." The High Lord frowned at the room in general. "Over there, I think."

Half a dozen people removed the table and stools while others brought in large cushions and placed them in one corner.

Ran didn't relax. _Ken can tell me to stand down. Omi can tell me to stand down. Taking orders from anyone else is betrayal._

Smaller cushions and pillows went on top of the large ones. Two small tables went down just beside the cushions. The High Lord frowned, and another servant came running with a third table.

"I'm not used to fuss," Ken said.

"You'll have to learn." The High Lord smiled as more of his minions came through, this time bringing a large screen that looked like it was meant for video display.

Ran wondered if any of the people filling the room were ever going to leave. He missed his katana. Even a poorly balanced kitchen knife would have been a comfort. _Even the one Yohji ruined when he tried to whittle._

 _//You need a great deal more training before you carry a weapon in my presence.//_ "Make yourselves comfortable, gentlemen. We'll leave the rest of the floor for the show." The High Lord smiled at Ken. "We have recordings of several recent Earth games, or, if you prefer, we can have dancers or musicians."

"Eat, drink and be merry..." Ken muttered. He flashed a smile. "A game would be great as a start," he added in a normal voice.

 _...for tomorrow we may die._ Ran didn't like the direction that led. _Thinking's not my job._

 _//You'll never get anywhere if you don't think.//_

 _Maybe I don't_ want _to think._ Ran wished he had better control of his thoughts. He pushed Ken's chair toward the cushions.

"Do you use stools so everybody has to stay awake?" Ken asked as he and Ran got him out of the chair and onto the cushions.

 _Going the other way is going to be difficult._ Ran shrugged mentally. _We'll manage somehow._ He started to move the wheelchair out of the way only to have one of the servants take it from him.

The High Lord laughed. "A useful side effect. I inherited the custom, and I never inquired."

 _Inherited from whom?_ Ran followed Ken to the cushions, feeling vaguely relieved at moving to a slightly more defensible space. _Though, if I have to defend it, we're thoroughly screwed._

Later, after they'd watched almost half of a game that Ken swore was exciting, the High Lord lifted his cup. "Tradition dictates that you should drink when I do." He smiled. "My capacity's probably larger than yours, so I suggest sipping."

Ran looked at his own cup. He lifted it and sniffed the contents. _Strong._ He felt a little dizzy just from the scent. _Very strong._

Ken picked up his cup as well. "I don't think I want to face tomorrow hungover." He raised his eyebrows, keeping his eyes fixed on the High Lord's face as he set the cup back down. "I'm not sworn yet."

 _What the hell are you thinking? Are you thinking? At all?_ Ran clenched one hand on the cup and the other in his clothing.

The High Lord looked more amused than anything. "You won't drink with me after, either." He sipped.

Ran hesitated, trying to read Ken well enough to figure out what he should do.

Ken continued looking at the High Lord but reached back to put a hand on Ran's arm. "Ran is mine. No matter what Precognitive Second Crawford may say. What applies to me applies to him."

There was silence for long enough to make Ran wonder if Ken had misjudged. Then the High Lord saluted them with his cup. "He is Crawford's if you fail."

Ken shrugged, and the silence stretched again.

Ran wasn't fool enough to assume that all or even most of the conversation was occurring out loud. _I just wish I had something to keep me busy while they're...doing whatever they're doing. Something other than the game._

 _//Negotiations, young man. Your friend bargains and renegotiates. I've made him some promises better not heard by anyone's spies.//_ "I can call the musicians if you'd like."

Ran made a tiny gesture of negation. _More people is bad. Unless there's a reason they should come back--_

 _//Only if they'd amuse you. We will have dancers later, but that's for another reason.//_ The High Lord gestured toward the tray of finger food. "Help yourselves. This is supposed to be pleasurable for you."

 _Too much of the eat, drink and be merry here for my taste._ Ran obediently reached for something that looked as if it might contain vegetation. He stopped, wondering if he ought to wait for Ken to move first. _Since I belong to him._ He pushed aside resentment at the notion. _Better him than Crawford, and really, I belong to Omi._

The High Lord cleared his throat. "Potential Hidaka, you haven't told him anything, have you?" He set down his cup. "If you don't, I will."

Ken frowned.

Ran tried to interpret the frown. _I spent too long trying not to know what that sort of thing meant. It could be, 'Damn, I have to run in the rain, and I don't have any more clean socks,' or it could be, 'Sorry, Ran. I don't know how to tell you this, but…'_

Ken fidgeted. "There's no good way to say it," he complained. He turned to look at Ran. "You have to promise not to tell Omi." He rolled his shoulders then rubbed the back of his neck. "Not until after, anyway. It would only upset him."

Ran looked around. The guards, he decided, probably weren't reporting to Crawford. "Um..."

 _//I'm not particularly concerned about anything getting back to your brother-in-law just now. No one else is likely to think anything about your supposedly comatose friend.//_

Ran sighed. "Why not? He can't give me extra shifts right now." _On either job._

"That's not exactly a promise." Ken studied Ran's face. "He can't do anything, so I don't want him to worry." He grinned. "It'll all be fine anyway."

 _That's fake. If I can tell…_ "Ken, I--" Ran wasn't really sure where that could go, so he didn't bother trying. "Please tell me."

"Well..."

Even Ran recognized blatant stalling. He poked Ken in the ribs. "Now!"

Ken pushed Ran's hand away. "It's like this... The whole power activation thing is pretty routine. That's not dangerous, not a big deal. I'll sleep for a while..." He shot a glare at the High Lord. "Okay. Two weeks isn't that long, really." He rubbed the back of his head. "I just kind of sort of left out the part where precognition is hugely dangerous."

"Your brother-in-law has walked the edges of madness all his life," the High Lord said. He shrugged one shoulder. "It's rare to find a precognitive above the third tier who can perceive the present, let alone one who can hold a coherent conversation and make plans."

The glance Ken gave the High Lord definitely looked angry, and Ran guessed that Ken had planned to soften the truth considerably more. _Aya's married to Crawford._ Ran reached for his anger, for his need to protect his sister. It wasn't there. "Ken..." He searched for the right words. "Is this a good idea?" _You must think so, right? You have answers, don't you?_

"For many reasons." Ken nodded firmly. He spread his hands. "The Taisken _are_ coming to Earth. This protects us, gives us a guaranteed place. It lets us have choices."

 _By 'us,' he means the team. Can he protect Yohji?_ Ran doubted that even as he hoped it might be true.

"I can't have the possibility and not try," Ken went on.

Ran nodded, not so much agreeing with Ken's argument as acknowledging that Ken, being Ken, couldn't do anything else. He looked at his hands. _None of my questions work with an audience. They're too pathetic, too helpless._

 _//Your pride amazes me. Of course, if you did take him by the shoulders and shake him, my guards would step in. Not that I wouldn't understand the impulse. He's gambling for high stakes and with poor odds. I believe he will win, but my precognition is barely fifth tier.//_

Ran looked at the High Lord. "He shouldn't be making the attempt for free."

Ken laughed. He picked up his cup, took a swallow then made a face. "That's vile. I'm not doing it for free. I'll still See even if I'm crazy. I'll be useful to other people, more useful to some even."

"Not to me." The High Lord raised a hand and a servant came from the far wall to place new cups beside each of the three men. "I think you'll make an...interesting addition to my court. The entrenched interests are already off balance due to Crawford and Naoe. Whether you back them or play your own games, you'll alter many calculations."

Ran tried to imagine Ken playing political games and felt his brain break a little. To distract himself, he looked into his new cup. _It looks like water._

"It is water." The High Lord pushed his old cup aside. "Potential Hidaka feels strongly that he should not be drinking alcohol. Minding his instincts seems wise."

Ken twitched slightly. "It's not intentional! I don't mean to automatically go against my...feelings."

 _Ah, the High Lord said something._ "You... _feel_ you shouldn't do something and then do it anyway?" Ran wanted to be sure he understood.

"Sometimes." Ken looked at the far wall. "Mostly when I can't figure out why the feeling isn't crazy or when it's against what I'm hoping."

 _Kase. More than once, I expect._ Ran took a healthy swallow of his own water in order to avoid having to say anything. He found himself longing for tea, for the familiar odor and comforting warmth of it. _I wonder if the High Lord has ever seen a proper tea ceremony?_

 _//No, but I shall have to. Your memories make it seem something I'd appreciate.//_

Ran smiled, suddenly feeling a little better about the prospect of this man conquering the Earth. _He might not be a complete barbarian._

 _//By my standards, everyone on your planet is a barbarian. I believe that, in every language I've ever learned, the term merely means 'weird people who don't do things the way I do.'//_

One of the servants left the room.

"I do hope that, when you See more definitely, you'll pay better attention." There was the tiniest bit of reproof in the High Lord's voice.

"I expect to." Ken squared his shoulders and set his jaw.

"In answer to your wondering about what Potential Hidaka gets for trying," the High Lord said, "he gets an option on you. He gets my protection for your Omi, at least as far as I can help. He gets a promise that I'll take care of Naoe's toy when Naoe loses interest." _//I won't interfere to keep the three of you here. I won't stop Crawford or Naoe from hunting you if you escape, but I won't divert resources to assist in the search, not unless you cause_ me _problems. If you manage to escape, stay out of my people's way. Hidaka will only be able to protect you so far.//_

Ran nodded jerkily, storing the High Lord's private words for later consideration. _I'll be sharing them with Omi eventually._ He cleared his throat. "When will we know? If Ken's okay, I mean."

"Two weeks," Ken said. He slumped a little. "Keep Omi from worrying for that long, please."

Ran doubted it was possible. _Two weeks will be a long time for the rest of us._ He tried not to think of Yohji. "I'll do my best."

"I'll also give you this-- I've summoned teachers." The High Lord seemed to be watching the door. "Mr. Fujimiya needs to learn to shield." He glanced at Ran. "It won't keep a determined telepath out of your head, not a powerful one, but it will teach you to keep casual thoughts private and to know when someone is...rummaging. Naoe's Yohji-kun needs to learn more than that." He tapped one finger on the table.

Ran saw the guards twitch just a little as the finger hit the table. _Absolute power…_ He closed his eyes for a second and let himself think about being able to keep Schuldig out. _I won't give Omi away._ He sighed. "It's been like not thinking of the horse's tail-- Completely possible as long as I don't remember that I need to do it. Otherwise..." He didn't think he had to finish the thought.

Ken took a deep breath. "That helps, too."

 _//Mr. Fujimiya's teacher will also be my official observer while you're...incapacitated, Potential Hidaka.//_

Ran was a little surprised to be included in the thought, but he was glad enough of the information. _An observer is good. I don't trust anybody who works for Crawford._

 _//Unofficially-- I'm going to offer you companionship for the night. Hesitate as you will but do not say no. I'll make you a gift of two slaves. They'll be your real protection while you're unconscious. They won't be distracted by needing to teach. I hope, too, that you'll make them the eventual start of your house. They will level things a little for you when you come to my court. You'll have someone, apart from Crawford, to advise you.//_

Ran set his face, holding himself thoroughly still as he tried to imagine Ken of all people owning slaves. He pushed all of his thoughts back and down. _I don't have time for that now._

Ken's response never came because at that moment the servant who'd left earlier returned, carrying a tray.

Ran's heart clenched for an entirely new reason. The tea set on the tray looked exactly like the one his family used to use every day. As the servant came closer, Ran could see that it was newer, that it had few of the relics of frequent use that had made his father remark regularly that they ought to buy a new set, one with no cracks or chips. He turned his face away. He was certain he'd managed not to show his feelings, but he didn't want to take chances.

"Tea!" Ken sounded pleased. "I haven't had proper tea in forever. I didn't think they made it here."

"I believe Telekinetic First Naoe and Consort Precognitive Second Crawford both enjoy the beverage."

 _I'm surprised he didn't add 'idiot' to that. Ken should have thought._ Ran blinked, making sure his eyes were clear. He took advantage of the fuss over pouring to say to Ken, "Are you _sure_ about all of this, Ken?" _I don't know what we could do, but I'm sure there's something. There has to be, right?_

"I'm sure." Ken gave Ran a smile full of serene confidence. "I don't play to lose, you know."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age (I am assuming that he's eighteen but still) combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen, Side B and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.
> 
> Thanks to Daegaer for beta reading.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Yohji circled around the language teaching device. It looked uncomfortably like the sort of thing a mad scientist would use for brainwashing. _Even down to the helmet with all the wires coming out of it. I'd rather not sit there and let them...do whatever it is._

"It's quite safe." Nagi sounded amused. "It's already been used on Fujimiya and Tsukiyono. No booby traps. We'll be keeping it on the base for a while, so you'll be able to acquire other languages after the Taisken has settled. Assuming you want to."

Yohji continued to hesitate. _I have to. He wants me to, and I need the language. I'll be a little less helpless._ He didn't let himself look at the self-effacing technician. _Non-entity. Even more than I am._ He took a deep breath, bowed to Nagi and said, "As you wish."

Nagi grinned. "Yes."

Yohji sat in the chair. _At least there are no restraints. I could get up. If I wanted to._

"There's a shot now. You won't feel anything else." Nagi moved in close and put his hand on Yohji's shoulder.

Yohji could feel the technician's irritation. _Nagi-san is in the way._ "How long will it take?" He'd asked that before, but he thought that asking again might keep Nagi from noticing if the technician were fool enough to let his emotions show.

"Half an hour at most. You'll be out a little longer than that, but it won't seem like anything."

Yohji nodded and started counting. He hardly noticed the pricking in his neck.

"The sedation eases the confusion of the language implantation by keeping you from being aware as the new words move in."

 _That would be anxiety inducing. One moment, something's one word and then it's something else. You know it was different, but you can't touch it. Half your words in one language, half in the other. Do people get dizzy from that? I'd think they would._

 _They used this on Omi. Omi's catatonic. Did it hurt him? I wish I dared ask. But I don't--_

****

"How do you feel, Yohji-kun?"

Yohji blinked. _Did I miss something?_ "I'm ready to start," he said. _A little of that didn't make sense. Was that a Taisken word?_

The technician removed the helmet. "We're done, sir," he said to Yohji. He bowed to Nagi. "Telekinetic First Naoe, I don't anticipate any problems for him. His responses were all well within normal ranges for a human his age, and it's not unusual for a person not to recall the start of the sedation. If he has any trouble with headaches or nausea, summon medical assistance. If he starts mixing languages, let me know immediately."

 _Done? We can't be done._ Yohji stared at Nagi. _Except I understand the technician._

"Of course," Nagi said. "We'll call on you next week. There are other languages he should know." He smiled down at Yohji. "It's a much easier way to learn _English_ than never ending classes. Would you like _German_ , too? Those are the most useful _Earth_ languages they currently have."

Yohji blinked. 'English,' 'German' and 'Earth' didn't make any sense to him. He could guess what languages Nagi meant, and 'Earth' could only mean one thing, but the terms weren't part of the Taisken vocabulary he'd been given. _Barbarian dialects from a barbarian planet, I'm sure._ The gap in his understanding made him a little dizzy. That he couldn't even name his own planet in his mind seemed a vast loss. _Temporary. It's temporary. A few days, two or three at most._ He inhaled sharply. _I can't name my country or city, either._ He forced his lips to form the alien word. "Earth." It felt wrong.

Nagi frowned. "Don't force it. You can learn those words right now, if you want, but it's unnecessary work. They'll feel wrong for a while."

"It's important." Yohji reached for the right way to address Nagi. _Telekinetic First Naoe is wrong. It's too formal. Nagi is too informal._ He frowned. "There's supposed to be something in between." He looked down at the floor. "What should I call you?"

Nagi pulled Yohji to his feet. "I told you the first day that I don't care."

 _But you do care._ Yohji's shoulders tightened as he followed Nagi toward the kitchen.

Behind them, the technician packed up the machine.

 _I suppose he'll see himself out._ "I want to get it right." Yohji didn't look up as he walked. "There are holes where some things ought to be."

"Sit over there." Nagi pointed toward the stools by the counter. "Say 'san.' Sah-n."

Yohji sat. "Sah-n," he repeated obediently.

"Nagi-san." Nagi emphasized the gap between name and honorific. "It's an honorific, a polite one."

Yohji smiled. "Nagi-san." It didn't feel right in his mouth, but he was glad to have the right form back. _I need that much to stay constant._ "If I learn other languages, you'll have to keep re-teaching me this. It matters."

Nagi's smile of pleasure told Yohji that he was quite right to think it important.

 _No matter what language I'm speaking, I need that. Actually, in languages other than...our own, it matters more. Nobody else calls him what I do._ "What now?"

"Lunch. Then we meet your empathy teacher. She'll give you lessons until she's satisfied with your control and shielding."

 _She? Oh, no. No. Not a woman. He'll get jealous. That's dangerous for her and for me. Maybe she's old or he knows she's a lesbian or--_ "What's for lunch?"

********'

 _Well, I guess I don't have to worry about jealousy after all._ Yohji wasn't sure if he could edge away from his new teacher or if that would be a deadly insult. _A cricket. A giant cricket. Sort of. Those legs-- arms-- limbs-- look powerful. I doubt I'm fast enough to face that._ He knew he was staring, but he couldn't quite bring himself to stop. _Do those patterns on her mean something? Are they painted or did they grow that way? What's that box for?_

Nagi gave an abbreviated but polite bow. "Empath Second Chekree, I very much appreciate your willingness to help me in this matter."

Chekree laughed. Two of her legs scraped together. She made sounds that made no sense to Yohji. Then words issued from the box hanging around her neck. "When the High Lord asks, willingness comes quickly."

 _She's amused. Truly so._ Yohji found himself relaxing a little. _Maybe this won't be so bad._ He kept his mouth shut. Nagi'd told him not to speak unless addressed directly, not until the formal lesson had begun.

Nagi's answering laugh was less genuine. "The situation is rather urgent. We've already had trouble once."

Empath Second Chekree bounced a little in place. "Indeed. An impressive show of raw strength. After reading the report, I checked the shielding on the training room. It would not do to have further accidents." She clicked a little in a way that Yohji interpreted as fussiness.

Nagi stiffened. "The shielding in my apartment is more than adequate now. You can train him here."

Yohji flinched.

"I could." Empath Second Chekree's expressions were hard for Yohji to read, so he focused instead on the feel of her.

 _She's going to fight him on this. She feels it's important._

"Proper training," she went on, "requires a dedicated space, somewhere the student can associate with the teacher and the lessons and nothing extraneous."

Nagi frowned.

Yohji echoed the expression. He had to work at remaining silent. _Now he'll want to prove that he's not extraneous._ He looked at the floor, hoping that would keep him out of the blast radius. He could feel Nagi's anger deepen.

Then Nagi's emotions changed, smoothing and focusing. "Is that a polite way of saying I'd be a distraction?"

Empath Second Chekree waved a forelimb. "If I'd been properly polite, you wouldn't have noticed."

Nagi laughed. "I do know I'm dealing with an empath. I expect to be managed."

 _Really?_ Yohji stopped himself from pursuing that thought. _Later._

Empath Second Chekree made a clicking noise. "I prefer to establish honesty as a precedent. We're stuck with each other until your slave is trained to the High Lord's satisfaction."

Nagi bowed in a way that was utterly Japanese. "As the Highest wishes, then." He straightened and flicked his fingers in a dismissive gesture. "My token of ownership is not yet ready, so he cannot yet leave these rooms unescorted."

 _I'll ever be able to?_ Yohji could feel nothing from Nagi now. _He must not want her to know how he feels._ He rubbed his arms and shuddered as if chilled.

Empath Second Chekree rubbed her arms together. "Understood. Will you accept my escort?"

"Another day, yes. For today, I'll leave the two of you here. I've work that needs doing anyway." Nagi put a hand on Yohji's shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Make sure he eats a little every hour or so."

Yohji couldn't stop himself from looking up at Nagi, but he did stop himself from speaking. He swallowed hard before looking down again. _Nothing for me to say. Nothing at all._ He watched as Nagi gathered a few small devices and packed them in a bag. After Nagi went out the door, Yohji looked at the floor again. _I'm not inviting...anything._

Empath Second Chekree made a noise that Yohji couldn't interpret. "Look at me. We'll accomplish nothing without that."

Yohji looked at her. He wanted to ask her questions, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed. _Nagi-san didn't say what I should do. What's safe?_

"You may speak. Do you have a preferred form of address?"

"I'm Yohji. My family name is Kudoh. Nagi-san calls me Yohji-kun." He didn't stumble over the honorifics. "As long as Nagi-san doesn't mind, you can call me whatever you like." _If he objects, he's likely to express it...vehemently. Be prepared._

He felt waves of calm, a soothing peace, wash over him. He sighed, tempted to allow himself to drift. Instead, he pulled himself stiffly upright in his seat and looked at his teacher. He said nothing.

She made a sound that he took as laughter. The emotion accompanying suggested nuances that he couldn't quite understand. "You're not quite broken. Interesting."

"I think I am. It's easier to be."

"I suppose it is. I shan't be encouraging it, however. When you really break, you'll likely affect his mind, too." She reached out and lifted Yohji's chin. "He's that entangled. I'd read it as adolescent infatuation, powerful but passing, but the High Lord thinks you could make it more. If you want to. Do you?"

Yohji fought a flinch at the feel of her skin against his. "I want to live." He knew that much. "He protects me, but he's dangerous, too." _Honesty might be a bad idea here, but the High Lord already knows all of this. Does she want something different?_

"You may call me Chekree when we are private." She moved back, letting him go. "I would usually start with shields for you've none, but I think I may need to work differently. Yes. You're surviving by feeling him. Shielding will cut you off for a while."

Yohji felt his mouth go dry. "That would be...." _Deadly._ "...unsafe, I think."

She tapped one appendage against another. "Be grateful. The High Lord wants you alive. He believes you're good for young Telekinetic First Naoe."

Yohji bowed his head. He studied his hands. _Nothing about me, just about him. Well, I knew that._

"You're an empath, Kudoh. It's always going to be about someone else. If you had a rarer talent, the High Lord might consider upsetting his new pet over a third tier talent, but empaths are common as grass clippings." Chekree made her laughing noise again, but this time the accompanying emotions carried little humor. "And no, I'm not reading your thoughts. I've got your unshielded emotions and my knowledge of your situation. The rest is easy."

"Even across species?" Yohji deliberately chose the one question that steered into what he hoped was safer territory.

"I know humans." Her emotions became complicated enough that Yohji couldn't understand them. "Anyone working for this High Lord has to."

 _Which implies that other High Lords don't have many humans around._ Yohji licked his lips. "I have a lot of questions about--" He waved his hand around to indicate their surroundings. "I need to know so much." He suspected that his emotions revealed his desperation.

"I'll answer some questions, but that's really not my task." She moved to the other side of the room. "I'm tasked with teaching you to control your gift and with testing you to see if you've any others. I'll also be teaching one of Precognitive Second Crawford's dependents to shield, so you'll not be my only concern."

 _One of-- Ran? It's got to be Ran._ Yohji kept his expression calm out of reflex. "I see. I won't impose, then, but I'll be happy to get anything."

For several seconds, she said nothing. Then she said, "I'll suggest certain teaching materials to your master. Whether he allows them or not will be up to him."

Yohji allowed himself to hope. "He wants me able to go out eventually."

"He might want to watch you struggle."

 _And then comfort me afterward._ Yohji looked away. "That's up to him."

"You might ask him yourself."

The suggestion sounded casual, but the sudden absence of emotional information from Chekree made Yohji sharpen his attention. _That matters. If I ask, I'll do it right. Maybe if I suggest that I don't want to embarrass him..._ "Tests within tests within tests."

Chekree applauded. "Indeed. I'm glad the High Lord didn't overestimate your intelligence." She went quite still, fixing her multi-faceted eyes on him. "Never forget that I'm not here to make anything easier for you. That may be a side effect if you're lucky, but it's not the point. The point is avoiding accidents like your outburst the other day. The point is making sure that Telekinetic First Naoe is stable and happy and above all useful. Anything you do to achieve these ends will benefit you. Understood?"

"Yes." He did understand. He hated it, but he understood. _I don't matter to any of them. Nagi-san wants a sex toy, so he gets one. I may be mildly regretted, but they don't think I'm worth more, not with him on the other side of the scale. I'm tied to him now._ He didn't allow himself to think about Ken or Ran or Omi. _I can't help anyone else, not yet. Eventually maybe, if I play everything right, but not yet._

"Excellent. Our first exercises will focus on identifying clearly what you feel so that you can separate what you feel from what he feels."

******'

Nagi came back more than an hour after Chekree had departed. Yohji was lying down with something cold over his forehead. He'd napped a little but had been awakened by feeling Nagi's approach. _She's right. I'm very...aware of him. I have to be._

Chekree had been brutally honest about the life of a slave, but she had also noted that only Nagi and the High Lord had the right to punish Yohji. Other first tier talents might demand that Nagi do so or request it of the High Lord, but no one else had the right. She'd added that, as Nagi had accepted her and the High Lord had assigned her as Yohji's teacher, she also had the right to punish him. "I don't expect to need to." Her emotional overlay had made it clear that she expected Yohji to be smart enough not to require it.

As he heard the door opening, Yohji rolled out of bed. He staggered a little as he stood but soon found his balance. He kept the cold pack in one hand and headed out toward the living room, trying to make it look like he was seeking a replacement. _It's really not as cold as it once was. That's true enough. Hell, he feels cranky and tired._ He stopped the moment he saw Nagi and gave a small bow. "Nagi-san." _Does he want me to kneel? No? No. He doesn't._ "Can I get you something from the kitchen?" He held up the cold pack in silent explanation.

Nagi frowned but didn't feel angry. "You look like shit." He set down his briefcase and walked over to Yohji, putting a hand against Yohji's cheek.

Yohji felt the minor spike of irritation that was Nagi's usual response to remembering that Yohji was taller than he was. Yohji considered dropping to his knees. _But I can't do that all the time. There has to be a way to make it appeal to him. Somehow. Otherwise, he'll look for a way to change things. I bet that wouldn't be as minor as my body hair._ "Empath Second Chekree has high standards." He kept the words as flat as he could.

Nagi patted Yohji's cheek and smiled. "Good. That means she knows what she's doing. I'd rather have you work harder now than risk damage later. What did she start with?" The words sounded casual, but Nagi's intent behind them was sharp enough to hurt.

"Finding where I am," Yohji answered. He looked down and to one side, avoiding looking down at Nagi. "She said I can't learn anything else until I know where I leave off and everyone else begins." _Where you are and I'm not, really._ "She did take what you said about food seriously. She said she'll be consulting with a nutritionist to suggest a diet for me." He let himself sag, let the exhaustion he felt show more strongly. _Feel sorry for me, please._

Nagi softened a little. "We'll have a quiet evening tonight. Just us and some good food and a chance to rest."

Yohji felt the whisper of lust there and guessed that Nagi was suppressing it. "Thank you, Nagi-san." _I am grateful. Really. Even if there will be sex. I'm not fool enough to think there won't be._ He took a deep breath. _And it's better if there is. I need the leverage._

"I'll speak with Chekree tomorrow about a reasonable schedule. You need time for other things. Training your mind will mean nothing if you don't get a chance to exercise physically, too. Physical stamina helps." Nagi sounded utterly certain.

 _Probably personal experience. It makes some sense, too._ Yohji simply nodded.

"I've asked Crawford for time in his private gym. You're not ready to be around a lot of people yet."

 _Which implies that I will be eventually._ "May I sit?" Yohji thought he might not need to ask, but he didn't want to discover that he was wrong.

"Of course." Nagi stepped back to let Yohji get to the couch. He held up his hand, and a new cold pack floated in from the kitchen. "You'll want this."

Yohji accepted it and plastered it across the back of his neck. He let his body fold down onto the couch. _And now he's taller. That's good._

Nagi started stroking Yohji's hair. "When you can shield, you'll be able to come with me during the day."

 _You'll be able to show me off. Do you really think I'm worth that? I suspect most people wouldn't want me. Which do you prefer-- That no one else want me or that they want me desperately without being able to have me? Right. So I have to be desirable without looking like I'm seeking it._ The pain in Yohji's head spiked as he tried to figure that one out. _Maybe soon he won't want me all the time. And that has problems, too._ "There's so much I don't understand." _Yes. That's a way to do it._ "She said you had to pay reparations for what I did, that you'd have to again if I make more mistakes, empathy mistakes or...just mistakes." He didn't have to work at sounding upset. _She also said that I'm powerful enough to train to be a low second tier talent. Assuming I can learn control._

"Shh." Nagi rubbed Yohji's back gently. "I'm not worried, and I've still got the orientation materials they gave me. You can read them."

 _That was...too easy, and he's not as cranky as he was, just from touching me. Really-- Just from touching me?_ "I'll learn," Yohji promised. _I have to._ He leaned into Nagi's hand. "Empath Second Chekree scares me a little. Not because she's a whatever she is. What is she?"

Nagi made a deep chirping sound that lasted for more than a second. Yohji was sure it couldn't come from a human throat. "In a language humans can manage-- non-telekinetic humans, anyway-- they're called ch'krtt."

Yohji twisted to look up at Nagi. "That still doesn't sound like something humans can say."

Nagi laughed. He sat down on the couch and pulled Yohji down so that his head rested in Nagi's lap. He slipped fingers under Yohji's shirt to touch his chest. "Why is she scary?"

 _Because she is._ Yohji knew he had to come up with something better. "She feels very solid. In my head, I mean. I can't mix her up with anybody else." _With myself._ "She's also...hard. There's no--" He wanted to shake his head but refrained, fearing it would aggravate his headache. _No sympathy. No compassion. No kindness. Humor and glimmerings of good will yes, but nothing unearned._ "I don't know if I can meet her expectations."

"The ch'krrt are all projective empaths. Most are low level, but even the infants project. People who deal with a lot of telepaths have different standards for privacy. People who deal with a lot of empaths...harden." Nagi traced patterns on Yohji's skin. "Empath Second Chekree is quite powerful. She can't afford any softness."

 _Should I take off my shirt? No. He wants me lying down. He'll tell me, won't he?_ Yohji closed his eyes. "How long will the headaches last?"

"I don't know. I had about three a week for the first year of my training, but telekinesis isn't like empathy, and...." Nagi hesitated. After almost a minute he went on, "Rosenkreuz really didn't know what it was doing with me." His fingers wrapped in Yohji's hair and tightened.

Yohji held his breath as he felt the couch start to shake. _What do I do? How do I stop him?_

Nagi took two deep and measured breaths. "Just as well. They'd never have let me leave." His grip on Yohji's hair relaxed. "What have you taken for the headache?"

"Nothing?" Yohji didn't want it to be a question, but he had the feeling that he was somehow at fault. _Shift the blame._ "My teacher didn't say anything about taking something. She told me to rest and wait for you."

The air around them went very still. "I will be having words with Empath Second Chekree."

Yohji shuddered, very glad that the cold control in Nagi's voice wasn't directed at him. "I can take something for this?" _At least that will make the rest of tonight easier._

"If you can walk far enough to talk to a doctor. Though I suppose I could summon one." Nagi's emotions softened again. "I've told them that they're to treat you if you're ill or injured, so they will."

"If you hadn't, they couldn't?" Yohji was guessing, but he thought he was right.

"They'd be taking huge risk either way." Nagi brushed hair off of Yohji's face. "I made it clear that I value you and will not have your health ignored."

Yohji shuddered. "I can walk." He made no move to sit up. _Better to wait for permission, and I'm not looking forward to the leash again. No, that's nothing. It's not like I wasn't owned before. Who'd have thought I'd remember Kritiker as non-intrusive and allowing freedom? This is more of the same, really._

"Before you get up...." Nagi sounded tentative.

 _But he feels pleased with himself. Better pay attention._

"I have something for you." Nagi lifted Yohji to a sitting position without using his hands. Nagi's briefcase hovered in the air in front of him. "I hope you like them." He flipped the lid open.

 _My eyes can still focus enough for this._ Among the carefully placed devices and neatly stacked papers lay two wrapped things. Yohji had no idea what they might be. They were roughly cylindrical. "What are they?" _He likes explaining things, and they are wrapped._

"Take them out and see." Nagi smiled.

Yohji reached out with both hands, letting the cold pack slide down his back. The two things were wrapped in cloth and felt hard under his fingers. He put them in his lap.

"Open them," Nagi urged.

Yohji tugged at the cloth. _In another second, he'll be doing it for me._ The cloth fell away to reveal metal, reddish yellow metal etched with black and silver patterns. He ran a finger over the surface then pressed a little. The metal gave under the pressure. The moment he pulled back, it reformed.

"It's soft for you or for me. For anyone else, it'll be hard. You could block a sword with one." Nagi bounced almost imperceptibly. "The left one has space for a wire. That'll come later."

 _When you're sure. Yes._ Yohji picked it up and squeezed. It crumpled under the pressure. He pulled, and it stretched. He tapped it against his cloth covered knee and felt unyielding metal. "I'm to wear these?" He smiled at Nagi. "They're beautiful."

Nagi traced a black line. "They tell anyone who looks that you belong to me." He leaned in and kissed Yohji, turning Yohji's face so that their lips could meet. After he pulled back, he said, "It tells them not to touch." He stroked the side of Yohji's face. "Most people here will remember Schuldig."

Yohji swallowed hard. _It could be worse._ "How do I put them on?" _Yes, I'll put them on. Voluntarily. I've had my eyes open the whole time._

"There's a hinge and latch here." Nagi pressed his fingers against a bit of the pattern. "Learn that when your head is better. You'll need to take them off to wash, but only take them off in here or when you and I are private." He seemed to consider for a moment. "Or if I tell you to."

"Yes, Nagi-san." Yohji kept his eyes on the thing. _What should I call it? Bracelet? It's too wide. Bracer? I'm not sure what one of those is. Armband? Maybe. I like that one best. Screw definitions._ "Thank you." He held up his right arm. _Put it on me, please. I'll do it if you want, but please...._

Nagi's fingers closed around Yohji's wrist. A few moments later, cold metal pressed Yohji's skin. "Some day, you'll give orders with my voice. People will listen because of these." He kissed Yohji's hand. "I thought you'd prefer these to the other options. Crawford's consort wears a jeweled pectoral. I've seen tattoos and brands."

Yohji winced. "You said I can use these when I fight?" _Let's talk about something else._ "Won't they be soft because I'm wearing them?"

"They'll harden the moment something that's not you or me touches them."

Yohji made a thoughtful noise. "That'll take some training." _Ideally against Ran or Ken and their blades, but I can't have that._ He held up his other arm. _Let's do this. The sooner I have something for this headache, the better._


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran continues describing his evening with Ken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Daegaer, Gemais and leorising for beta reading and general cheerleading.
> 
> Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I can't promise the next chapter will be faster. I'll try but no promises except that it will happen eventually.

Omi rubbed his face. "So Ken has people watching him? People who aren't Schwarz?"

Ran nodded. "Two...slaves." _Do you need to know more?_ "Very attractive, very...physically fit slaves. Officially, they're supposed to be doing all the non-medical care he needs while he's unconscious. That's so they can be with him all the time. If he...doesn't come through, they go back to the High Lord. If he does, they're his--" Ran made a face, wishing there were easier terms for this. "--bodyguards, concubines, whatever he wants."

"Did Ken have sex with them?"

Ran nodded once, sharply. _He should have found another way. I don't know what but something._

Omi looked like he'd bitten into something sour. "Do you trust them?"

_Of course not._ Ran blinked twice. "They're not Weiss."

Omi smiled as if Ran had answered a difficult question. He nodded. "Apart from that."

"I think the High Lord trusts them and that he wants Ken." Ran shrugged. "All that wasn't for me, and it wasn't for Crawford, either." _There's no point deceiving us, and the High Lord is real enough. Which means that everything else is real._ "They're both telepaths, both combat trained."

"Loyal to the High Lord?"

_And not to Ken?_ "Nobody showed me their dossiers." _I want to see them, too._ "All I've got is what they bothered to tell me. I think they talked a lot telepathically."

"Yes. You said that earlier." Omi tapped his fingers on his knee. "Given everything-- Were you actually in the room when Ken...had sex?"

Ran felt his face heat. He fixed his eyes on the door to Omi's room and shrugged. "The next room." _I'd have preferred coming back here. But then Ken would have been alone... in the morning._ "He wanted a chance to talk. He had... advice for me."

Omi winced. "How blunt was he?"

_I'd hate to think he could be blunter._ Ran shrugged. "Compared to what?" _Let it go. Please._

Omi made a grumbling sound deep in his throat. "He's never had much patience for you."

"It's not needed." _I'm strong enough for whatever we're going to do._

Omi made a sound that might have been agreement. He didn't say anything for a while. Eventually he sighed. "Did the High Lord say more?"

Ran went through the rest of that part of the evening in his head. "He asked questions about the game. He commented on the food. He offered different...slaves, talking about their--" He grimaced. "That part was unpleasant. We knew which ones Ken was supposed to pick, but we had to look at several others." _I felt filthy._ "Just before we left, the High Lord propositioned me. Ken didn't let me answer."

Ran could tell that Omi was considering asking for details. _It's long. I'm tired, and there's so much more to talk about._

Omi hesitated. He studied Ran for nearly a minute then looked away. He didn't say anything. He frowned then nodded sharply. "Tell me about Ken. We'll come back to the High Lord later. I...need to know about Ken."

Ran found himself staring at Omi. _That's...unexpected. He's letting me off the hook._ He schooled his expression into neutrality before Omi looked at him again. "I'm not sure where to start."

"Where did you go when you left the High Lord?"

"Guest quarters. Fancy guest quarters." Ran picked at the fabric covering his left knee. "Big bath. Big bed. Cushions for lounging." He cleared his throat. "Wet bar--"

*******  
"Have a drink, Ran. You look like you could use it." Ken waved his hand at a corner of the room. "They told me there was alcohol in the wall over there."

Aut, the female slave, stepped between Ran and the corner. She bowed to Ken, her long, straight, blond hair slipping over one shoulder to hang toward the floor. "It's our place to serve." She pushed her hair back over her shoulder as she straightened. She stood about a hundred and eighty centimeters and was built like a dancer. Her features were sharp.

Ran just kept himself from stepping back. _Don't be stupid. She's harmless. No. She's a bodyguard. She's not harmless. She's.... That hair can't be safe for combat._ He narrowed his eyes, thinking about how he'd take her down if he had to. _She shouldn't be here. Neither should he._ He glanced at Pel, the male slave, to see him echoing Aut's bow. 

Pel was several centimeters taller than Aut. His skin was considerably darker than hers, and his head was shaved. He was muscular, with broad shoulders. His eyes were dark and wary. He didn't seem to have Aut's self confidence.

_Has he ever been in a real fight? I'll buy that he's trained, but has he ever used it?_ Ran frowned and looked from Pel to Aut and back again. _She's a first tier telepath, and he's a second. How can we trust them? What choice do we have?_

Ken inclined his head. "Whatever's proper." He didn't sound like he much cared. "No alcohol for me, but some juice would be nice. For my friend-- See what's there that's strong and then cut it so he can't taste the alcohol."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Ran protested. _Alcohol is a bad idea. I can't watch your back if I drink._ "I need to be alert."

"We're safe in this room." Ken flicked his fingers in Weiss' signal for silence, and Ran shut his mouth sharply, remembering that Ken was still in charge of the mission. "You're wound tighter than Yohji's wire. I've got things to say to you, and I'm still hoping to enjoy the rest of tonight."

Ran blinked, hung up on Ken's comment about enjoying the night. _There's nothing to enjoy._ He opened his mouth then hesitated. _This might be his last night awake and sane. Whatever he thinks is enjoyable about being stuck in this room with me and-- and them, I shouldn't take it from him._ "I'd still rather not risk alcohol."

"It'll make doing what you have to do easier, Ran." Ken's smile was stiff enough that Ran was sure it was forced.

_What are you expecting me to do?_ "Ken--" Ran moved his fingers in one of Weiss' signals. _I never thought I'd be asking Ken for orders._ His eyes darted to Aut and then to Pel. _And they can read our minds. Why are we bothering with signals?_

Ken had Pel help him sit down on a blue, upholstered lump that looked like part of some child's pillow fort then took a glass from Aut. "You miss a lot." He sipped his drink and nodded approval. He looked up and met Ran's eyes. "That's a luxury you can't afford now. The rest of us have carried you on it for years, but none of us can any more."

Ran let his legs fold so that he too sat. He sank into the cushion, tilting a little as one part of it proved softer than the rest. "I carry my weight." _I'm good at being Weiss. Better at being Weiss than at being a brother, it seems. Just tell me what to do._

"On missions, yes, at least during the lethal parts. You kind of suck at the parts that require talking to people." Ken snorted. "And people call _me_ impatient." He pointed a finger at Ran. "Right now, you ought to be cosying up to Crawford by making your sister as happy as possible. You ought to be making allies by getting to know other people here. You're not utterly isolated."

"Do you think I haven't tried?" Ran demanded. He met Ken's eyes for a long moment then looked away only to find his gaze landing on Pel's bare feet and smoothly muscular legs. He twitched and fixed his gaze on his own hands. "Crawford hates me. He thinks it's fun to torture me."

"Then play on that. It's a weakness. You can't afford pride. Omi's depending on you." Ken snapped his fingers to get Ran's attention then pointed behind him.

Aut bowed to Ran and offered him a glass of red brown liquid that almost seemed to glow. Her hair slid over her shoulder to hang down next to the glass.

"Thank you," Ran said as he took the glass. He sniffed the contents and considered taking a sip. _No. I need my head clear._ He looked around the room again. _If Ken told them to_ make _me drink, would they? Could they? Would he?_ He gave Ken his attention again. "I know, but it isn't as easy as you're making it sound."

"I never said it was easy. Crawford's smart, but so are you." Ken waved a hand in Ran's direction. "You don't have to drink it, but I think we'll all find tonight easier if you do." He stood up carefully. He didn't quite put weight on his bad leg. "There's supposed to be a cane around here somewhere." His feet sank into thick carpet, and he wriggled his toes.

Pel handed Ken a metal cane decorated with black vines.

"I won't be much good if I'm drunk." Ran sniffed the drink again. "Why am I here?"

Ken stretched. "We should get out of the formal wear at the very least. There's a decent sized bath, and my clothes should fit you well enough."

Ran winced as Ken casually discarded clothing that would have paid a month's hospital bills. His hand tightened on his glass. "Ken--"

"I have one night, Ran. That's why."

Ran tried his drink. It was fruity without being overly sweet. The aftertaste was sharp and alcoholic enough to make his throat contract. "Oh."

"I'd love a chance to run, but the doctors said no. My leg won't be up to that until some time tomorrow or the day after. I'll settle for a bath, a friend and--" Ken managed a grin. "--some sweaty sex." He gave appreciative looks to Aut and Pel in turn.

Ran dropped his drink.

Pel was there in an instant, cleaning up the mess.

_He can't--_ "Sex with whom?" Ran choked a little on the words.

Ken's face set in an expression Ran couldn't interpret. "They're here." He shrugged. "I'm not about to insult the High Lord."

_Insult?_ "It's not about him." _How can you even think of it? They don't have a choice._

Ken studied Ran for a moment then shrugged. "They're a gift from a man who owns multiple star systems. From a man who owns _us_ right now." He turned and walked toward one of the doors. "I'm going to wash and then soak."

Aut pressed another glass into Ran's hands.

_Ken wouldn't-- Ken's not--- He's a good guy._ Ran lifted his glass and drank without letting himself think about it. He closed his eyes for a second. _Yohji would and has done that for missions. Ken, though-- I never thought Ken would. There are lines._ He opened his eyes and stood up. "Please hold this," he said to Aut, handing her his glass. Once she'd taken it, he started to undress. _It's still Ken's mission. Maybe he can explain. Maybe I can talk him out of it._

Stripping completely under Aut's steady gaze was one of the hardest things Ran had done recently. She smiled at him when he glanced her way, and he looked away quickly. _She's attractive in a foreign way._ He allowed himself a frown. _I'm not going to think of her that way. I can't save the victims, but I'm not going to become worse than I already am. Killing's one thing._

He looked from Aut to Pel then said, "The clothes are expensive. Please pick up Ken's." Lacking any way to hang up the clothes, he folded his own, carefully not watching as Pel copied his movements to fold Ken's. That done, Ran took a deep breath and went after Ken.

The bathing room was tiled in brown, shaded and patterned to look like tree bark. Ken was in the middle of scrubbing his legs. He looked up as Ran walked in. He grinned. "I thought you'd take a little longer."

"It's still a mission." _I can do almost anything for a mission. Really._ "And I need to know more." _You're going to be unconscious for two weeks. Yohji is Naoe's toy. Omi is pretending to be comatose._ "I still don't like it."

Ken rinsed his legs and moved carefully to the bath. "You don't have to like any of it. You just have to adapt."

Ran sat on the stool Ken had vacated and started washing himself. "I'm surprised." _This bath is very-- It's very home. I wish I had the word for home._ "I thought you cared more about-- about keeping yourself than this." _The bath must be Naoe's influence. Or maybe the High Lord's people favor baths like this, too, but it looks very like home, just much bigger._

Ken laughed. There was a wildness and a darkness in the sound that disturbed Ran. "Keeping myself? I gave myself up a long time ago, when I joined Kritiker, actually. At least this time I'm getting something out of it. With luck, they and I can give each other something that's a start. If this works, we're going to have years, decades maybe, of working together."

Ran scrubbed just a little harder than necessary. _Who are you? You're not Ken._ Wanting to change the subject, he asked, "Why wouldn't you let me answer the High Lord?"

Ken sighed and sank lower in the bath. "Because you might need to say yes later. It's.... If I succeed, you and Omi can leave Crawford and Naoe and swear to me. I won't be able to help Yohji, not right away, but I can help you. If I fail.... Not that I'm going to, but.... If I do, the High Lord offered you an education as your fee. You wouldn't enjoy the bargain-- He likes inflicting pain-- but you could do it, secure his patronage and get yourself and Omi away from Crawford."

Ran had frozen midway through Ken's carefully neutral words. _I almost said yes, just because Crawford said to say no._ He closed his eyes for a second. _I still might have to say yes. Can I? Of course I can._ "When did you start making plans like that?" _Ken doesn't scheme. He doesn't have layers of contingencies. He…._ He shook his head. "You sound like Omi." He couldn't quite keep it from sounding accusing.

"I learned from the best." Ken kept his eyes on the wall. "I wish my implanted vocabulary stretched to profanity. That or that you had Japanese again."

"You miss swearing that much?"

"It's satisfying. Plus, it gets your attention."

"You have my attention." _I'm not stupid._ Ran rinsed off.

Ken ran his fingers through his hair. "I've only got tonight, and I need to be sure you understand."

Having nothing to say, Ran remained silent. He could feel Ken's eyes on him as he finished washing. As he stood to join Ken in the bath, he asked, "Will _they_ be joining us?"

Ken shook his head. "I asked them not to."

_When-- Telepaths. Right. They could have said anything, and I wouldn't know._ Unwilling to admit to an additional layer of discomfort at that realization, Ran lowered himself into the water.

"We're not exactly friends, are we? You never wanted friends." Ken didn't exactly watch Ran entering the tub.

Ran shook his head. "I couldn't afford friends."

Ken snorted and made a vulgar gesture. "Your sister woke up nearly three years ago. You're just set in your ways. The rest of us have been waiting for you, and the separation is a weakness the team can't afford any longer."

_I don't want this. I'm loyal to the team. If I go any deeper, I'll drown._ Ran shook his head. "Strong feelings are a weakness for the team."

Ken snapped out a word that Ran could only assume was a curse. "Get your head out of your butt! You've got to start pulling your weight. I'm about to give a binding oath to the High Lord. I'll mean it when I do. That puts him and his interests before Weiss. You need to fill in the hole when I'm gone. That means admitting that you care and that Omi and Yohji care for you."

"I don't see what good that will do."

Ken looked like he wanted to bang his head against something. "That's why we're having this talk. Omi won't do it, so I'm going to." He stabbed a finger at Ran's chest. "You're part of Weiss. It's not temporary."

Ran looked away. "I know. It's forever."

"You say it like that's a bad thing." Ken's finger continued to rest on Ran's chest.

"We're all damaged. We're all damned." _I don't wish that on anyone, even if it's sometimes better not to be there alone._

"With that attitude, I'm surprised you haven't self-destructed. No--" Ken held up a hand, forestalling any words from Ran. "I don't care. What matters is that you're the uninjured member of the team. Yohji's fighting for survival, and it's got to have damaged him. Omi's physically weak from pretending to be catatonic. You have got to step up. Do whatever it takes to claw any advantage from your situation. Don't let Crawford win."

_Is that what I've been doing? But I can't-- Aya-- But Weiss--_ Ran shivered in spite of the heat.

"You're nearly dead inside, and it would kill Omi to lose you, too." Ken ran his wet hand through his hair again. "I wish I'd given you some hard pushes back when it wasn't life and death, but you were functioning well enough."

_I have no idea what you want._ "I'll...try." _I want to. You said they need me. I think I need to be needed, and Aya doesn't need me any more._

"You'll do better than that. Omi and Yohji both care about you and about what you think." Ken had started glaring somewhere along the way, and his current expression promised violence.

_Why?_ "What am I supposed to do?" _If you spell it out, I'll do it._

Ken turned his glare on the wall, and for a moment, Ran expected him to punch it. Ken sighed and let his hand fall into the water. "Be gentle with them. Yohji's stronger than he looks and smarter, but...." He waved a hand as if to encompass everything then shrugged. "Omi isn't quite as strong as he'd like to be, and he can't save all of us this time." He bit his lip and looked away. "Barring the High Lord, he's probably the most dangerous man either of us have met, but he's not invulnerable."

"I'll remember." Ran wasn't sure he would, but he guessed that that was what Ken needed to hear. "I'm sorry I'm not one of them. They'd be better company for--" He shook his head, not sure what to say that wouldn't sound gloomy.

Ken laughed sharply. "You'll do. You're not trying to talk me out of it, and that's something. You're not even worried."

Ran inhaled sharply. "Yes. I am. I just don't-- Just because I'm not nagging or hovering-- You know more about it than I do."

This time, Ken's laughter sounded more genuine. "You trust me, is that it?" He leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm not sure you should. If-- Before the High Lord made his 'gift,' I was planning to proposition you. Not because I'm lusting wildly after you but because you were here and at least possible. I thought you might, just as comrades, given tomorrow."

"I might have." Ran was sure that was the right thing to say. He did his best to keep his confusion over the turn in the conversation off his face. _Maybe I shouldn't have set down that drink. It might make Ken make more sense. Maybe I should have said yes. Then he wouldn't-- Ken is better than sex with slaves._ He cleared his throat. "I still could."

"I'm going to have to do it eventually," Ken's voice sounded distant. "Nothing can save me from that. Having the High Lord view me as a barbarian-- which he does-- is bad enough. Having him view me as a rude barbarian who's not even trying to adapt could be lethal, no matter how useful I am. He's not the only power in his court, and there's a reason Naoe is in semi-seclusion here."

Ran blinked. He frowned then made a rapid decision. "You're going to have to tell me things like that. Omi will want to know. It might keep him busy for a while." _I'm dreading talking to Omi. He's going to want to kill Ken, and Ken won't be available._

Ken shook his head. "Tonight isn't about Omi. It's about friends and joy and me watching you get drunk."

Ran leveled a glare of his own. "You conveniently don't have to face him for two weeks."

"Fine, but there has to be fun, too. You're not getting out of that."

*******  
"Fun." Omi sounded as though he was testing the word out. "Would you say that you had fun?"

Ran rubbed the side of his face. The tea had helped. He was still exhausted, but his mouth no longer felt like he'd been eating mud. The headache had receded. "I suppose. I mean, Ken seemed to enjoy himself, and I think he wanted me to enjoy myself."

"That's something, I suppose." Omi took a deep breath. "I wouldn't have tried to stop him," he said. "Ken must know what he's doing." His hands were clenched on his legs.

_Liar._ Ran studied Omi. He was more than a little relieved that Omi wasn't showing anger, but he couldn't believe Omi wasn't angry. "He seemed to," Ran said. "He was even thinking about the politics. He seemed to-- No. He doesn't understand everything. He knows the starting points. That was part of the point of the... bodyguards. They know how things work."

"Yes. The bodyguards." Omi flattened his hands against his legs. "Tell me more about them. You must know at least a little more."

_We have no choice but to trust them. What will reassure you?_ "I think-- I got the impression from what the High Lord said that Ken's worried about Crawford trying to make sure Ken's insane, that it wouldn't be hard for someone like Schuldig to make it happen. Aut and Pel are guards for Ken's mind more than for his body. Both of them are stronger than Schuldig." Ran couldn't help a little shudder at that thought. _Schuldig is bad enough. Schuldig stronger doesn't bear thinking about._ "I got the impression they've both done this sort of thing before." _But nobody said that. They could be amateurs, and where would that leave Ken?_

"How can anyone trust slaves with this sort of thing? Why wouldn't they sabotage Ken?" Omi's questions echoed Ran's own doubts.

Ran poured himself more tea. "I can't imagine Ken keeping them as slaves." _Assuming I know anything about Ken. I'm not sure I do any more._ "There's also--" Ran took a deep breath. This was the High Lord's logic, and Ran wasn't sure he agreed. "Apparently they're in love with each other. They'll do a lot for a person who lets them be together."

The look Omi fastened on Ran made Ran think Omi didn't buy it either. "That seems easy to say, Ran."

Ran set down his cup and spread his hands wide. "I only know what the High Lord said. If it helps any, I do think he was courting Ken. Ken being happy and safe matters. He wouldn't have spent hours watching a sport he knows nothing about, drinking tea with us and hand picking slaves to go with Ken for it all to be a trap." The words came out reluctantly, but Ran thought he was right. "Last night, all of it, was in Ken's honor. That means something."

After a long moment, Omi nodded.

_What else do I know about them? Oh, yes._ "Aut used to be a spy working for one of the other High Lords. She was successful at winning this High Lord's trust, but the High Lord she was really serving lost a war with still a third High Lord and was captured. After news of that came through, Aut turned herself in. Apparently, she was sure she'd be caught eventually and thought that turning herself in would decrease her punishment."

"Wonderful. So she's a traitor, too?" Now Omi did look angry.

_I should have known he wouldn't like that._ "The High Lord she served is either dead or a prisoner. That part wasn't clear. I think this High Lord doesn't know. He seemed to think that Aut had no one left to serve but him."

Omi growled.

_There's nothing we can do about it._ Ran decided to continue as if Omi weren't angry. "I understood less about Pel's history. I think he was genetically engineered and trained in childhood to be a slave. That's hugely illegal here. The High Lord sounded angry just mentioning it." Anger in a mental voice, particularly one as powerful as the High Lord's, was frightening. It had taken all of Ran's self control not to flinch in the face of it. "The people doing it were powerful. After the High Lord found out about the whole thing, he took the rescued slaves into his household to be trained how not to be slaves. Aut was assigned to teach them physical self defense. That's when Pel fell in love with her. He chose to be a slave rather than leave her."

Omi's eyes had narrowed gradually as Ran spoke. He opened his mouth then closed it and shook his head.

_I had no words either. Especially since the High Lord was only including me in the conversation as a courtesy to Ken._

After a long moment, Omi said, "And we're supposed to trust that?"

"I don't see that we have any choice." Ran set his jaw. _What do you want me to do about it? If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them._ "Nobody asked us. Nobody's going to ask us." _Not even Ken._ His fingers curled in until his fingernails found flesh. _Yelling at Omi won't help._

Omi wilted. "You're right, Ran."

_He sounds surprised. That's-- not very complimentary._ "We-- Ken and I-- didn't really talk any more, not about anything that matters. He wanted to reminisce, and he had Aut keep refilling my glass. He meant it about wanting to get me drunk." 

Omi smiled faintly. "That sounds like Ken."

"It was--" _Difficult. Shameful. The only thing I could do._ "--embarrassing." Ran looked at his hands. "After a certain point, everything's a bit fuzzy." He tried to look as miserably sick as he'd felt when he first returned to the apartment. "I tried to remember because I knew you'd want the report, but I may have lost details."

"That happens." Omi made a dismissive gesture. "Tell me about Ken this morning. My other questions can wait."

_He shouldn't wait. He's being kind? Yes. He's trying to take care of me. I shouldn't-- No. Let him. It was a bad night._ "Crawford came for us. I'm not sure what time it was. I think it was early. We hadn't had much sleep. Ken made him wait while he showered. They didn't want Ken to eat anything, so we didn't have breakfast. Once Ken was dressed, the five of us went to a hospital room. It looked like the same one Ken was in before, but I can't be sure. They may have a dozen like that.

"There were three people there, doctors of some sort, I suppose, or nurses or something. They had Ken change clothes. He hugged me and said, 'See you on the other side.' Then he lay down, and they put an i.v. in him. I don't know what was in it, but he just kind of went to sleep." Ran looked at the wall behind Omi, seeing Ken's still form once again. _It was wrong. Ken should be moving._ "Then Crawford had someone bring me back here." _And here we are. All we can do is wait._

Omi sighed. "Ken hasn't left us many choices."

_Ken gave up all his choices. This is one big gamble. We-- Omi and I-- still have options. I don't like any of them, but that doesn't mean they're not there._ Ran shrugged.

"I think I'm going to have to wake up officially. Schuldig will be harder to deal with if he thinks I'm awake, but the positives outweigh the negatives." Omi stood up and stretched. "They still haven't repaired the monitoring devices in here, so we don't need to make a production of it. We just have to decide when it happens."

"Not while I was gone. You'd have tried to get out, and the guards would have noticed." Ran looked at Omi. "Should I ask to have a doctor look at you? If you were really-- Well, I would have insisted all along."

Omi grimaced. "If you had, they might have tried a telepath other than Schuldig, somebody capable of doing more than breaking minds. Someone like that would have been harder to fool. They would have wanted to help, so they would have kept looking."

Ran nodded. _Not that I understand how you fooled Schuldig. He loves misery, so he'd have kept poking at things._ He scrubbed his face. 

Omi stood up, crossed the room and put a hand on Ran's shoulder. He squeezed. "You did well, Ran."

"I didn't talk him out of it." _I didn't even try._

Omi patted Ran's shoulder. "I doubt any of us could. When Ken makes up his mind to do something, he doesn't budge. Get some rest. I'll probably have more questions later." He turned and walked back to his seat.

_You have them now. You're just being kind._ Ran looked at his hands, wondering what to do next. _He needs to know. She told me a lot, and it says more about Aut. Yes, but it says a lot about me. Ken didn't approve. Will Omi understand? There're some parts of me I'm not ready to give up._ After a long pause, he looked up at Omi. "I did have a conversation with Aut. It was-- It was while Ken and Pel were...in the other room." He suspected he'd reddened and hated that weakness. "She answered some questions. I think it's important."

Omi hesitated, obviously thinking that he'd just told Ran to rest. Then he leaned forward. "Tell me."

****************

Ran found himself staring at Aut. He opened his mouth then closed it as nothing occurred to him to say. His field of vision had narrowed gradually as he'd had more alcohol, and now, she was all he could see.

She regarded him, unblinking, her green eyes looking impossibly wide.

"Put the cane over there." Ken's voice was muffled by the closed door. "I think I can reach it if I need it."

_Great. I'm going to hear everything._ Ran felt his face heat. _I don't want to hear it. I don't want to think about it. It shouldn't be happening._ He couldn't read Aut's expression. _What must she think? That's her lover in there with Ken. Isn't she upset?_

Aut stood. "Let me get you some water. If you don't hydrate, you'll regret it in the morning." Her tone was as calm as if nothing unusual were happening.

"No," Ken said. "I'm fine. Well, I guess you can fold my clothes."

_Maybe this isn't new to her._ Ran blinked, trying to focus on her as she picked up his glass then crossed the room to the sink. "Water sounds good." He spoke very deliberately, afraid that he'd slur the words. _People do that, right?_ He watched her as closely as he could. _She moves like a killer. I wonder if Ken has thought about that?_

Aut filled the glass, turned and stood facing Ran. _//Acquit me of stupidity, at least. As far as the High Lord is concerned, Potential Hidaka is worth a hundred of me or Pel, of both of us together, for that matter.//_

Ran started and began to slip sideways off his cushion. He put out an arm to steady himself, and his hand sank deep into the padding. He tilted and found himself suddenly on the floor. _Why do they stack these things like that?_ He blinked at Aut. _She said something I need to answer. Right._ "That doesn't mean Ken has thought it all through." _He doesn't always, and this is a big deal._

"My shoulders are tight," Ken said, "and my leg's been cramping off and on all day."

Aut walked over and offered her hand to Ran.

He stared at it for a moment then took it and let her help him to his feet. He swayed a little as he stood. Looking down, he couldn't tell how far away the floor was. _I better not try to walk. Except I need to empty my bladder._ He flushed as he realized that Aut was probably listening to all his thoughts.

She handed him the water, and he drank it down rapidly. He handed the glass back to her and felt relieved that he hadn't dropped it. He started to shuffle toward the toilet. He didn't dare raise his feet for fear that the floor wouldn't be where he expected it to be.

"Ah! Yes! Right there!" The sound of Ken's voice made Ran jump. _What are they doing in there?_

Aut watched Ran go. Once, she moved as if to take his arm, and he turned the full force of his glare on her. 

_I can walk by myself._ He might be drunk and embarrassing himself, but he could maintain some dignity. He used the toilet without incident. Then as he turned to leave the room, he considered the possibility that he might need to vomit. He didn't feel sick, but he knew that was something people did when they got drunk enough. _I'm not sure I can make it back here, and I can't imagine vomiting out there. It'd get all over the cushions and the rug and everything._ He looked at his hands. _I could stick a finger down my throat. That might bring it all up._

_//Don't do that. It would feel terrible, and it's not necessary. You haven't had that much to drink.//_

_Get out of my head!_ Ran gave a little shriek and grabbed the sink to keep from falling over. He felt himself go red. _No way Ken didn't hear that._

"Ran? You okay?" Ken sounded concerned.

"I'm fine!" Ran raised his voice to be sure Ken heard him. He took a moment to splash water on his face. It didn't help. He wiped his hands across his face, scraping off moisture, then dried his hands on the bottom of his sweatshirt. _I hate this. I'm drunk. Shouldn't I be happy?_ It seemed unfair that he'd lost so much of his physical coordination without feeling better. _It was better when Ken was talking. He talked about good times._

_I could just stay in here. That would avoid the whole issue._ He leaned his forehead against the door. The door felt cool against his skin, and he wondered if it was really wood. His hand rested on the latch as he tried to think of any reason why he should open the door.

After a few minutes, Ken's voice came through the door again. "Ran, I'm going to want the toilet, and there are much more comfortable places to sleep."

Ran thought Ken sounded irritated and couldn't think why. He sighed and opened the door. He blinked.

Aut knelt beside a row of cushions arranged like a pallet. She indicated the cushions with the sweep of one hand. "For you," she said, quietly. "I thought you might like a massage."

Ran blinked again. Aut was still there. He took a step backward. "No," he said. "No. I don't want you touching me." _I'm not going to touch you. No matter what Ken says._

Aut blew out a breath, making several strands of her hair flutter. "If that's what you want. You should lie down anyway. It's only a few hours until morning."

Ran hesitated. _There's something wrong with that but what?_ He took one hesitant step forward then another. Soon, he was folding himself down on the cushions. He just managed to keep his descent controlled. He didn't lie down. Instead, he got to eye level with Aut and just looked at her. "I don't get it," he said after he'd looked at her for a few seconds.

Laughter-- Ken's laughter, Ran thought-- wafted through the door. Ran flinched then forced himself still. He kept his eyes on Aut.

She gave him an even stare. "I just want to please you." She spread her hands, palms up, and shrugged. "Potential Hidaka told me to take care of you." She smiled slightly. "I'm not the most gifted at massage and the other arts of a personal slave-- that wasn't why I was chosen-- but I do know what I'm doing."

Ran knew he was turning red. "I'm sure you're great at whatever." He looked away, unable to meet her eyes any longer. "I'm just-- I'm not interested!" 

"Oh. Oh! Potential Hidaka said he thought you preferred women." Aut sounded apologetic.

More laughter, this time mingled voices, came through the closed door.

_That's not the way this is supposed to go._ Ran couldn't look up. He focused his attention on her hands which had clasped, fingers interlaced. "It's-- It's not that." _I just can't._ "You're very pretty, really." _Is 'pretty' the right word? She doesn't look like she's from my country--_ He groped for the name of his country, losing track of his train of thought. _I'll be glad when I get my language back._

Aut put her hand on one of Ran's. "It's okay if you haven't had sex before. I do know what I'm doing."

Ran snatched his hand back. "I've had sex before!" The words came out louder than he intended. _And that's private! You didn't need to know._ Ken _didn't need to know._

A shout came from the other room. 

Ran started to push himself to his feet. _That wasn't Ken._ He let himself collapse back onto the cushions. _But Pel sounded surprised. What did Ken do?_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Aut didn't try to touch Ran again.

Ran blinked at Aut's words then refocused on the conversation they were having. He didn't want the memories that were floating to the surface, but he wanted to think about what Ken was doing even less. _Her name was Haruhi. She had a smile like a sunrise, and she wanted to be a chemist. Even after... what happened to my parents, she tried to help me._ He closed his eyes. He could see Haruhi, with a look of concentration on her face, as she tried to slip a clean sheet under Aya's body. He scrubbed his hands over his eyes. They came away wet. _I stopped calling her. I didn't write back when she went away to university. I didn't tell her where I was going to be. Her parents were probably thrilled._ He dropped his hands to his lap. _I haven't thought about Haruhi in years. Even Mom liked her._

Ken said something Ran didn't understand and could barely hear. He sounded amused.

"Would you like more water, Mr Fujimiya?"

Ran shook his head without really thinking about it. "I don't want anything."

"That makes it hard to serve you."

The voices in the other room continued, a low murmur that Ran could almost ignore.

"Then don't." Ran thought that was perfectly straightforward. "I never asked for any of this. I don't think you did either." He rubbed his face, pulling his cheeks up and down. "I don't understand any of this." The words came out more plaintive than he meant them to.

Aut didn't say anything for a moment, but he could hear her shift her position. "I can try to answer your questions."

Ran blinked several time to clear his eyes then looked at Aut. She knelt about half a meter away. Her hands lay on her thighs.

Ran asked the first question that came into his mind. "How can you do this?" He wasn't even sure what he meant by 'this.'

Aut met his eyes then looked away. "I made a bargain to keep my life. Obedience to the High Lord is the price. To survive, one makes compromises, does things that one wouldn't otherwise." She hesitated then added, "Potential Hidaka seems very straightforward in what he wants. I hope his activation succeeds."

_I thought I understood Ken, but I don't._ "I don't know what Ken wants," Ran admitted. _I never thought of Ken with slaves._ "Why slavery?" he asked before he could stop himself. "I mean, it's not _civilized_." Vaguely, it occurred to him that there were reasons he might not have wanted to say that.

"Civilized is what the High Lord decides it is." Aut sounded detached. "I don't think he'd like being told that you deem him uncivilized." She shrugged. "Not all High Lords choose to allow slavery. Many do but not all. Many allow things much worse. If it's any comfort, slavery is rare here. It's limited to criminals and barbarians."

A low moan came from the other room.

Ran felt himself redden. "And Pel."

Aut's lips flattened then drew together in an expression of distaste. "He's a special case." She didn't elaborate.

More sounds Ran didn't want to identify came from beyond the closed door.

_What is Ken doing in there? No. I don't want to know. But I do know._ Ran found himself considering mechanics and wondering how sex would work with Ken and Pel. _No. Change the subject. Find a question to ask._ He yawned and blinked. He looked around the room, trying to find something to tell him what to say next. _Omi would have questions. Omi's not here. I want to know-- I want to know how they can do this._ He rubbed his face. "Don't you worry that you'll have kids? That they'll be... stuck?"

"I'm extremely unlikely to have children." Aut looked at her hands. "First tier talents almost never do. If I did, the High Lord has made it law that a slave's owner must raise a slave's children as if they were his or her own children. Children can't be slaves. My children would be raised as Potential Hidaka's children or as the High Lord's."

"Ken can't have kids?" The tragedy of that hurt Ran. _Ken loves kids. If we weren't-- If we weren't Weiss--_

"It's unlikely." Aut sounded patient. "I can't say impossible, but the likelihood is vanishingly small."

Ran made a noncommittal noise. _One more terrible thing. I shouldn't be surprised._ He closed his eyes. _What to ask next? What would Omi ask?_ He tried not to listen to the sounds Ken and Pel were making. He scrubbed his face with his hand. _Basic intelligence. Treat this like a mission. Omi said it was a mission. Omi--_ "This place-- my sister called it a base-- How big is it? What's around it? How many people are there here?" 

Aut smiled. "I only know some of that. I'm new here, and the existence of this place isn't widely known. The High Lord isn't risking some other High Lord fighting him for your world. High Lords spy on each other a lot." She steepled her fingers and touched her lips. "This is a largely unpopulated world called Vin. There's no native sentient or near sentient species. The native wildlife isn't particularly friendly to any of the species the High Lord rules, so settlement is going slowly. Officially, the only settlement here is a penal colony tasked with establishing useful flora and fauna." 

She hesitated. "I don't know a lot about this base. There was no reason I would know about it. I mean, the High Lord gave us a little bit of a briefing, so I know about Earth-- That's not general knowledge. Other High Lords would be trying to steal the coordinates and get there first. Any High Lord whose people find a new, viable world conceals that information very carefully. I have the impression that this base, that finding Earth, is a recent thing. We probably don't have more than a few dozen agents on the ground on Earth, and they're mostly learning enough about the place to be able to teach other people how to establish themselves without attracting a lot of notice. I don't _know_ any of this. I'm guessing.

"I do know that Precognitive Second Crawford is valuable for his knowledge of Earth as much as for his precognition-- possibly more so. Precognition is notoriously difficult."

Ran took a moment to process what she'd said. After a moment, he gave up on making it all make sense and focused on memorizing her words. _Omi will want to know. What to ask?_ He frowned. _Omi will kill me if I don't ask the right questions. What do we need to know? What do we need to know?_ "All of this getting from place to place, from planet to planet, how does it work?" _How can we get home?_

"Travel from planet to planet occurs through gates. They're special frameworks that can be tuned to each other so that whatever passes through in one location comes out at the other. Any gate can connect to any other of equal size. Well, I think they can connect gates of different sizes. It's just that what can go in may not be what can come out, not such a big deal when going from a small gate to a big one but a problem when going from a large gate to a small one. I'm not a gate mechanic, so I don't know a lot of the details. I do know that this base has two gates, one small and one large. Each of them is probably programmed to connect quickly with certain set locations. Any place else would take preparation by a specialist."

_That ought to lead me to more questions._ Ran pinched his nose. _I'm so tired._ "There's so much I don't know."

"I can think of two things you need to know," Aut said. She laid her hands on her thighs and shrugged. "First, Potential Hidaka is right. The High Lord would take offense if he didn't, ah, take advantage of having us here. It's not so important that you do. It might be wiser, but your future doesn't depend on it."

"I can't." Ran held up his hands as if warding something off. "I-- I can kill, but I can't do that."

Aut shrugged again and looked at the floor. "The second thing you need to know is that Precognitive Second Crawford has obligations toward you. By marrying your sister, he accepted ties with your family. Your status is less than his, so he's responsible, within reason, for looking after your interests. Bringing you here, especially against your will, increases his obligation. If you offend the High Lord, punishment falls on him, too, so he has to take steps to make sure you don't, but if Precognitive Second Crawford harms you, the High Lord will be displeased. He takes such things very seriously. Education, medical treatment, access to exercise, things like that are all rights you're entitled to. Freedom to leave your room, unfortunately, isn't something you're entitled to if Precognitive Second Crawford has reason to think you might disrupt the operation of this base or get into trouble that would damage you. Offending Telekinetic First Naoe certainly falls under the heading of getting into trouble that would damage you. Be cautious."

Ran struggled to process what she'd said, but it defeated him. _I'll remember it, though. Omi can explain it._ "Anything else?" He desperately hoped there wasn't.

"Just this-- If I give you a massage, it might help you sleep." She looked away and bit her lip. "As long as I'm taking care of you, I have reason to stay."

_Reason to stay...?_ Ran blinked then followed her gaze to the doorway into Ken's bedroom. _Oh! She doesn't want to-- Well, of course she doesn't._ "I suppose so." He raised his chin. "I'm keeping my clothes on, though."


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagi has news for Yohji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Leorising and Gemais for beta reading.

Yohji felt Nagi's displeasure the moment Nagi entered the apartment. Yohji set down his glass and looked a little wistfully at the plate of food he'd been eating. _Whatever else I may say, the food here is good. Mostly._ He left the plate and glass on the counter and went into the living room. _No point putting it off._

"Good evening, Yohji-kun." Nagi put his briefcase down on the coffee table a little harder than necessary. He smiled.

 _He's not angry with me. That looks forced, but whatever it is isn't my fault._ "Nagi-san." Yohji bowed then stood, waiting to see what Nagi wanted.

Nagi sat down and loosened his tie.

Yohji sat down next to him, perching carefully on the edge of the seat so that he could slip to the floor if Nagi gave any sign of preferring that.

Nagi reached out to run a hand along the side of Yohji's face. His smile softened a little. "Have you had a good day?"

Yohji made himself smile. _His mood is mellowing. Good._ "Empathy lessons were weird. Not the lessons so much as going out without you." _Everyone stared, and some of them still hate me. Telat was helpful, but you don't want to hear that._ "Empath Second Chekree says I'm making progress. I visited the gym. I was careful about what I did." _Nothing the doctor would object to. I'm not stupid._ "Crawford has a nice gym." _I'd rather use whatever gym normal people use. I need to know these people, more than just Nagi-san, if I'm going to survive._

"You'll get the hang of it." Nagi sighed and leaned back against the cushions. "What do you say-- I'd like to try having that picnic again. It would be good to get out of the apartment, and I'd like to do something nice before-- Yes, well. What do you think?"

 _Before what?_ Yohji did his best not to let his tension show. "A picnic would be fun." _I know now, and going outside would be a good thing. I'm tired of walls and fake windows. I can seduce you as well out there as in here._

"Good. I'll call the kitchen and request a basket." Nagi closed his eyes. "In just a minute."

Yohji sat very still. _You trust me. You shouldn't trust me. But I can't afford to betray you. And betray you to whom and how? I have no way to communicate with anyone but Empath Second Chekree and Telat._ He kept his breathing even. _I should say something. I should sound enthusiastic._ "Is it light out? I'd like to see more than I did last time."

Nagi twitched, and Yohji wondered if he'd said something wrong. "The garden is still in bad shape. I was... upset with Crawford, and taking it out on the pavement seemed, for some reason, like a better idea than smashing him."

 _When was that? Does it matter? He didn't take it out on me. Knowing might help. No, don't ask._ Yohji nodded then realized Nagi couldn't see him. "I see." He managed a smile and tried to put it into his voice. "I still want to see it all."

Nagi opened his eyes. "You could go out there any time now. You can go anywhere you like."

"I'm not used to that." Yohji felt his shoulders start to draw in. _And it only lasts as long as you allow. I should explore. Telat can make sure I don't get lost. But will Nagi-san like that?_

Nagi patted Yohji's hand. "I'll enjoy showing you the gardens. We'll go out early so that you have time to look around. Some of the plants are probably interesting." He sat up and pulled Yohji in for a kiss.

Yohji parted his lips, allowing Nagi to do what he wanted. He relaxed into the embrace. _No challenge, nothing that pushes your boundaries. You can push mine all you want, but I'm not fool enough to push yours._ He closed his eyes. _Will you tell me what's bothering you? You're pleased with me and determined to enjoy tonight, but there's something else._

Nagi pulled back. "Any food requests? They'll probably give us Taisken food if we don't ask for something else."

 _Would you prefer that I ask for something special?_ Yohji shrugged one shoulder. "Taisken food isn't awful. Mostly. I like food from home, when they get it right, but I'll eat anything." _It's all fuel. I need to regain weight and rebuild my muscles._

Nagi stood and stretched. "Let me change clothes. I'm not dressing like this to go out."

Yohji nodded, ducking his head. Once Nagi was safely out of the room, Yohji rubbed his forehead, making little circles above his eyebrows. _He doesn't want to hurt me right now. He wants me to be happy. He wants to be happy himself. This is good, right? How long until this is all I can imagine? I already center my decisions on what he'll think and how he'll react. It's reflex already. Should I fight it? Is there a point to fighting?_ He wasn't sure he believed that the others would be coming for him. Ran was looking after Omi and all tangled up with Crawford and his sister. Ken was-- Ken, he wasn't sure about. Ken had enough pull to get in to visit, but though loyal, Ken wasn't the cleverest member of Weiss.

 _Don't think about it. You'll make yourself crazy. Crazier. But if they do come for me, what happens if I don't want to leave any longer?_ He stood up and walked over to the aquarium. Watching the fish might soothe him.

Nagi came out of the bedroom. He wore jeans and a dark blue shirt. "I called a request for dinner. Someone will meet us on the hilltop with the meal. We should have half an hour to wander, and we can always look around after we eat."

Yohji felt the impulse to bow, but he thought that Nagi didn't want to hear 'As you wish.' _He wants to please me. That's kind of nice. It helps._ "Should we go now?" He moved toward the door and bent to pick up his shoes.

"Might as well." Nagi came to the door as well. He pulled a pair of running shoes out of a cubby and tucked the shoes he had been wearing earlier into another.

 _At least I have shoes this time._ The shoes Nagi had brought Yohji were actually his own, not new. They had made Yohji wonder about the rest of his things. _Not that I could wear my usual clothes with Nagi-san. He wouldn't like them. Will I ever wear what I choose again?_

Yohji stayed a careful step behind Nagi as they left the apartment. Not only did Nagi know the way, but also Yohji had no desire to appear to be challenging Nagi's dominance. He remembered some parts of the route they took from their first disastrous attempt at a picnic. _This time will be better. I have better control now._

Nagi paused from time to time as they walked to greet people they passed. Those people bowed and returned the greeting respectfully. Some of them ignored Yohji while others ran their eyes over him as if trying to decide what Nagi saw in him.

Nagi regarded members of the latter group with narrowed eyes. Yohji could feel hints of jealousy coming from Nagi. _Pride, too. He's pleased that they're interested even while he's ready to rip them to bits if they trespass. Why isn't that reassuring?_

The garden was filled with plants Yohji didn't recognize. He thought it must have rained earlier in the day. The leaves were still damp. _This doesn't bode well for the picnic. I hope the ground isn't too soggy and that Nagi-san doesn't get upset about it._

There were chunks of concrete littered around. The largest was the size of Yohji's torso, but most pieces were considerably smaller, pulverized. _He was_ very _upset._ He saw the raw, muddy areas where there used to be pavement. He noted places where there had probably been benches.

He tried to make intelligent comments about the plants, admiring the flowers, trying to evaluate the health of the bushes. Then he realized that Nagi didn't care. Nagi only wanted Yohji to be pleased. _I don't need to impress him._ "Do you like the gardens, Nagi-san?"

Nagi stroked a finger along the underside of a blossom. "It's peaceful. Even when there are other people out here, they're quiet. They leave me alone."

 _If you ask me, people leave you alone far too often. You're about as well socialized as-- as Schuldig. No, Schuldig understands people. Nagi-san knows the theory. He just needs the practice. If he'll listen to me, I can help. Lord, help me. I'm thinking about the long term._ Yohji just kept himself from shutting his eyes. _Nagi-san would take it wrong. Is it wrong to think about the long term? It's another way of losing myself._ "Do you know, did they import pollinators? Or is there something native that does the job?" _I shouldn't have asked that. What if he doesn't know?_

Nagi frowned. "I'm not sure. Do they _need_ to be pollinated? I mean, can't the plants just be replaced at intervals?"

Yohji shrugged and turned partly away. "That's a lot of work to put into something like this." _Let it go. Let it go._ He smiled and pointed at a bush with dark purple flowers. "I like those." _There's a lot of work going into all of this place. Nagi-san doesn't seem to see it, but it's there. The kitchens alone... I mean, he can call at any time and ask for anything and get it._

Nagi turned to look at the bush and nodded. He took a couple of steps toward the bush, as if wanting to see the blossoms more closely.

"Just how many people are there here?" _I know it's a big place, just from the little walking around I've done, but how big?_

Nagi looked surprised. He considered the question for a moment. "I think there're about twenty-five hundred people. There are another couple of thousand agents actually on Earth, gathering information and infiltrating key organizations. The people here are mostly support for those people. Well, that plus quite a few agents in training."

"That explains why it's so easy to get lost around here." _If we were to try to escape, that's a lot of people to avoid._

"Yes. It took me days to learn my way around, and the base was smaller then. They're still building, on the other side of the complex. The garden's here because some of the Taisken cultures believe that natural beauty is a necessity."

 _He's feeling possessive. Of me? No, not right now. It's the garden. He... values the garden. And look what he did to it. No, he barely touched the plants. The damage to them is incidental. He could have uprooted everything._ "It's certainly nice to have something like this." Yohji looked around. A distant wall of foliage caught his eye. "What's that?"

Nagi followed Yohji's pointing hand. He frowned. "I'm not sure. Shall we go look?"

The wall Yohji had spotted proved to be bushes, tall as trees, planted so close together that it was impossible to see what lay on the other side. Nagi and Yohji walked along the wall, trying to find the end of it. 

"That can't be good for the plants. I mean, I don't know the species, but I think they're too close together," Yohji said. "They're also recently planted."

"I can't think why Crawford would have done this." Nagi turned completely around, surveying the area. "It had to be him. Or the High Lord. Yes, it must have been the High Lord."

_You're not pleased that he did something like this without you knowing about it. What else are they not telling you?_

The wall of foliage curved. It obviously enclosed a space large enough to hold several people with room for them to move around. Yohji wanted to know what lay inside. _The plants are there to hide something._

"Our food should be ready about now." Nagi turned to walk away. "We should go to the hill."

Reluctantly, Yohji followed. _It will have to remain a mystery. Could I come back later? I'm technically allowed to wander now._ Knowing Nagi wasn't looking, he allowed himself a frown. _When is he going to tell me what's bothering him? I can't do anything about it if he doesn't tell me. Can I do anything about it anyway?_

Nagi was walking fast, and Yohji hurried to keep up. He thought that Nagi was cheating and not quite touching down all the time. _How long can he do that? Just what can a telekinetic first do?_

"It won't be dark for a while," Nagi said as Yohji caught up. "Not until after we're in bed. We won't see the moons this evening."

 _The moons._ Yohji felt something sharp in his chest, and he checked to make sure he wasn't projecting. _The last thing we need is for Nagi-san to be affected by my fears._ He cleared his throat. "Daylight is a little less romantic than starlight." _No, that sounds like criticism._ "I think I'd rather be able to see you, Nagi-san." _That's not really true, is it? Change the subject._ "Does it ever get really cold here?" _Not that it's really warm now. It's not cold, but it's not summer._

"It does. We get ice and snow in season. It's spring now, like it is in Japan, but the year here is longer, so we'll still have warm weather when people are wearing coats in Tokyo."

 _Tokyo. That's the name. I keep forgetting. I miss Tokyo. I miss a lot of things. No point thinking about it._ "How far does the terraformed area extend?"

"Not far. About a kilometer out, there's a dead zone that's meant to keep the native plant life from intermingling with the imported stuff we've got here. From what I've heard, it doesn't work really well. We need more people working the land, but that takes resources we simply don't have."

"So that beautiful--" _Partly destroyed._ "--garden won't last?"

"It's not clear which species would dominate. Certainly the native fauna is more friendly to the native flora, but it also doesn't eat the imports. Without native grazers to keep it down, an imported plant might spread wildly."

They reached the top of the hill. Yohji was pleased to see that there was a tarp spread under the blanket. _We won't get soaked and muddy._ The basket of food was large enough that Yohji thought it must hold enough for four or five people, but half of it turned out to be a selection of beverages.

"These two are alcoholic." Nagi indicated two identical red containers.

 _Not for me, then._ Yohji shook his head. "Empath Second Chekree says I should stay away from alcohol and such for now." _And I wouldn't want it anyway. Misjudging you while tipsy could be fatal._

Nagi pulled out a green bottle, opened it and handed it to Yohji. "Try this then." He took one of the red containers for himself.

Yohji concealed his wince. _I don't know that I want you drinking, either, Nagi-san. If you lose control-- No. Don't think about it. I can manage this._ He raised his bottle to his lips and sipped cautiously. It tasted dark and sharp and had an aftertaste that reminded him of hibiscus.

Nagi continued pulling items out of the basket. "Bread." He sniffed at it. "Made with one of their flours, not with wheat." He pulled out a second small loaf and handed it to Yohji. "I'm not sure what this meat is. It's dried and spiced somehow."

Yohji wasn't even sure it was meat. He set down his bottle then accepted some. He sat there with bread in one hand and meat in the other. He wondered if he was supposed to start eating.

Nagi pulled out a couple of cloth napkins. "Those should have been on top." He shook one out and spread it in front of Yohji. "Put your food on that." He spread another for himself, picked up the food he'd put on the blanket and dumped it onto the napkin. Then he pulled out a bag that held sliced fruit. He opened the bag but didn't remove the fruit. "These are really juicy."

Yohji hesitated for a moment then put down his bread and meat. He took a slice of fruit. The flesh of it was a pale red. It tasted of honey and lemon. "What's it called?" He wanted to be able to ask for it by name when he was requesting snacks.

"Etraz, I think. They make wine from it. Schuldig likes it." Nagi's face went blank for a moment, and Yohji sensed a pang of regret.

 _He misses Schuldig. I'll have to watch that. Right now, he values me more than Schuldig, but that could change._ Yohji took a bite of bread. It tasted a little like roasted almonds. He took a bite of meat. It was tough under his teeth, and heat spread over his tongue to the back of his throat. He chewed with determination and tried to decide how this compared to strong wasabi.

Nagi pulled still more food out of the basket. 

Yohji felt overwhelmed by the choices. _And all of it new to me._ He felt a sudden longing for the simplicity of soba noodles. "How was your day today?" He wasn't sure the question was a good idea, given Nagi's mood on returning home, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Nagi frowned and poked a finger at a pastry. "Not bad." A bit of anger sparked only to be quickly suppressed. "One bit of bad news--"

Yohji braced himself.

Nagi scowled. "The High Lord has summoned me to court. I'll be gone about five days. I can't take you with me, not until you're trained. Also, that assassin-- The poison she used interacts with certain nanites that you'd need if you were going to Dimwei. You can't have those until we're sure you're clear."

Yohji held himself very still. _He considers that bad news. It_ is _bad news. I won't have his protection for five days. Except by law and custom, and that won't stop Schuldig._ "Nagi-san--" He thought about begging Nagi not to go but knew his pleas would mean little in the face of a command from the High Lord.

Nagi's face went tight, and Yohji felt Nagi's shields go up.

 _I'm projecting._ "I'm sorry, Nagi-san." Yohji very carefully pulled his emotions in close. He cleared his throat. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. That will be morning on Dimwei." Nagi reached out and stroked Yohji's hair. "I've asked Crawford to send Schuldig to Earth for a few days. There are things Schuldig can do there that need doing."

 _So you thought about that._ Some of Yohji's fear eased. 

"If anyone touches you, you have my permission to kill. I've told Crawford that." Nagi sounded satisfied with himself.

_I'll just bet Crawford loved hearing that._

"If Schuldig comes back before I do, avoid him." Nagi frowned, clearly not liking the idea. "Crawford is against arming you." Nagi set his jaw in a stubborn line.

 _Too bad. If I had my wire, I'd stand a chance against Schuldig. I'd feel better about wandering around the base, too._ Yohji looked at his hands and nodded. _But I will wander. I'm supposed to learn my way around, and I might find Ran or Ken._ "There is one thing-- You said you'd give me something to read that would tell me about the Taisken. I would feel better--" _Less frightened._ "--if I had something to do while you're gone." _I don't dare keep Telat for company in the evenings. Someone would tell you, and you'd make me kill her. Anybody else for company, same problem. Well, maybe Empath Second Chekree, but she wouldn't do it._

"I'll get that together before we go to bed tonight." Nagi pulled his hands away from Yohji. "In the meantime, we should eat. _You_ should eat. You have weight to regain."

"Yes, Nagi-san." Yohji took a bite of the bread and followed it with a bite of meat. He chewed and swallowed and tried to look like he was enjoying himself. _Well, the fresh air is nice._ He took another bite and closed his eyes. After a moment, he opened them and asked, "May I come out here, some times?"

"Stay within sight of the building," Nagi replied. "There are some large animals out there, and they haven't all learned to steer clear of the base. There's a sonic fence of sorts, close in, that should help. Plus, I don't want you getting lost."

"I'll be careful," Yohji assured him. He would be, too. A wilderness full of toxic vegetation and wild animals held less attraction than his current situation. _And that's saying something. Always-- First, survive. We won't be escaping that way._

They said little more as they ate. Yohji had at least a little bit of every kind of food. The strangeness of it affected his appetite, but he ate anyway. _I'll never get my strength back if I don't, and I'll never survive if I don't get my strength back._ He pushed all thought of Schuldig from his mind.

After they finished eating, Yohji reclined on the blanket, his head near Nagi's knee. He could easily put his head in Nagi's lap if that was what Nagi wanted.

Nagi ran his fingers through Yohji's hair. He seemed content to sit in silence.

Yohji wasn't sure what to do. Nagi wanted him there, but Nagi didn't seem to want anything from him right then. He'd reacted badly in the past when Yohji showed too much-- _Or the wrong sort of._ \--initiative. _How would he react if I try to blow him? He's already mellow. Irritated as an undertone but still mellow. Does he think this is what lovers do? Has he forgotten that we're not lovers? Of course, he has. He doesn't like the truth._

Yohji sighed and let his head fall back so that it touched Nagi's knee. He shifted an arm to make sure that his head was supported.

Nagi shifted his legs to put one under Yohji's head. He tugged a little, urging Yohji to move closer.

Yohji obeyed, moving so that his head rested entirely in Nagi's lap.

"I won't always have to leave you," Nagi said. "It's not unusual for someone like me, a first tier talent, to have a retinue. Bringing one person along is nothing."

Yohji made a noncommittal noise. _You like that idea, don't you? What will you do when there are people looking at me, maybe wanting me, people you have to play nicely with? I don't imagine the High Lord wants you snarling at members of his court. I don't imagine_ Crawford _wants you snarling at members of the court._ "Who sent the assassin? Do you know?"

"She didn't know unfortunately. The High Lord questioned her personally, and his people are following up on what she did know. They have connections we don't."

 _Of course they do. It's their world. What if they're involved? No, if the High Lord wanted to kill Nagi-san, he'd just do it. But what if it was a test?_ Yohji forced himself to relax. "How'd she get to come along with the doctor? You didn't give more than a day's notice."

Nagi's voice was distant. "The doctor has been reprimanded. She didn't think it worth verifying that the assistant she got was the assistant she was expecting." His hands tightened in Yohji's hair then released. "She's going to be practicing medicine at a clinic in a poor neighborhood for a while. Quite a while."

"That's something." Yohji couldn't bring himself to feel sorry for the doctor. "What about the assassin?"

"The High Lord didn't give me details. I suspect she'll end up in the penal colony elsewhere on this planet. Assuming nobody manages to kill her to tie up the loose ends. She knew who I was, so she can't expect leniency on that heading. The more worrying thing is that she knew about the base. Either the person who hired her and briefed her is very high up in the High Lord's court or there's a leak. Nobody's supposed to know we're here."

Yohji added those details to his mental list of things to remember. _The base is secret._ "So people think you're living somewhere else?"

"The High Lord has given me estates." Nagi trailed a finger along Yohji's throat. "Estates on different worlds. I could be anywhere."

"Oh." Yohji focused his attention on Nagi's hands. He tilted his head to give Nagi better access to his throat. _Whatever you want._ He shifted a little to rub his head against Nagi's crotch. _And you don't want to talk about this. I want to know, but you don't want to talk about it._

"People at court think that the High Lord found me and Crawford in a backwater on Etsilyn, a place where they hadn't done proper testing for powers for a while. That's hard, pretending to be from a place I know next to nothing about." Nagi pushed a hand under Yohji's shirt. 

Yohji tried to focus his attention on what Nagi was feeling and to let it echo through him. He knew the whole thing would be easier if he rode Nagi's lust. He couldn't always do it. He lacked control, and it was too easy to get lost in Nagi. _There's lust, embers of it anyway. It won't take much to get him going. He-- He's determined. Determined to what? Never mind. Just give him what he wants, what he always wants._ He gave a little moan as Nagi's hand moved further under his shirt.

"You want that?" Nagi sounded pleased. His other hand traced Yohji's lips, and Yohji parted them and tried to catch Nagi's fingers. He got one and licked it. Nagi pulled his hand away then came back to rub the saliva slicked digit along Yohji's chin.

Yohji closed his eyes. He didn't want to see the open space around them, to wonder who might wander by. _Used to be, that would be exciting. Now... not so much._ He made his best approximation of a purr and pushed back against Nagi's hands. He wanted to use his own hands, but he knew that was dangerous. _Nothing to make him feel less in control. Nothing aggressive. Let him lead._ Yohji's habits for sex tended in the opposite direction, so he was having to tread very carefully. _I want him but only the way he wants it._ He swallowed hard.

Nagi's hands and power urged Yohji into a sitting position. "You're wearing too many clothes." He started lifting Yohji's shirt.

Yohji let Nagi undress him, simply moving to make that easier. It wasn't really warm enough for being naked to be really pleasant, but he wouldn't freeze. _And he wants it. I can-- I want it, too, because he does. Yes, I want it._ Once he was undressed, he knelt next to Nagi while Nagi ran invisible hands over his body.

"Beautiful," Nagi said. "Beautiful and mine." He tapped a finger against one of the bracers.

"Yours," Yohji agreed. He thought about saying 'always' but couldn't bring himself to. _I still have hope for something else. No, not right now. Focus on what he's feeling._

Nagi ran one hand along Yohji's arm, from shoulder to elbow, and laid the other hand in the center of Yohji's chest. "Your heart's beating fast."

Yohji smiled. His lips felt thick and clumsy, but they obeyed him. "I'm excited."

Nagi's lust was building. He pulled Yohji in for a kiss, his tongue pushing through Yohji's lips and into Yohji's mouth.

Yohji whimpered and was glad that the sound could be taken for pleasure and excitement. He wanted to open Nagi's pants and get to work on the erection he knew was growing there, but he knew Nagi wanted other things first.

Nagi pulled back. He brushed his hands over Yohji's nipples, once, twice, three times. Then he pinched them gently. "Where do you like to be touched, Yohji-kun?"

 _Not the cock! Absolutely not! He hates that._ Yohji swallowed hard. "Anywhere is nice when you do it."

Nagi frowned.

"Think about where you like to be touched and try it on me. It's different with each lover." Yohji thought he'd managed that well.

Now Nagi looked more thoughtful. His telekinetic touch ghosted over Yohji's skin, front and back, touching in several spots at once, stroking, then moving on.

Yohji started to tremble as Nagi's telekinesis parted the cheeks of his ass. It was a struggle not to clench up. _That's not where_ he _likes being touched!_ The psychic pressure pushed in and circled his asshole before pulling back.

"Do you like that?" Nagi sounded genuinely curious.

Yohji laid his hands on his knees. "It takes some getting used to. I keep expecting to feel your arms or your breath or--" He shook his head. _Please stop. Please just let me blow you. I don't want you to fuck me here._

"Maybe you prefer this?" Nagi sat quite still, watching Yohji carefully.

Yohji felt a gentle pressure on his cock, a squeeze, a stroke. Something cupped his balls and rolled them back and forth. His breath hissed out between his teeth, and he pulled heavily on Nagi's lust, trying to separate it from curiosity and revulsion. He felt his cock filling out, growing stiffer and heavier. "That is... pretty wonderful." _And you hate it. You like the power it gives you over me, but you hate the sight of it, don't you? But you want this response. You want me helpless with lust for your cock._ He whimpered and arched his back. "Please, Nagi-san..."

"Hm. I wonder how long I can keep you like this?" Nagi was smiling.

 _Please just get this over with. I didn't think you liked those sorts of games._ Yohji wrapped his fingers around his feet. He was breathing fast. "I don't know," he admitted. The pressure on Yohji's cock grew firmer, the pulling harder. It still wasn't enough to hurt, but Yohji feared Nagi would get there soon.

Nagi moved in closer, staying just to one side of Yohji's body. He ran his hands over Yohji's straining chest. "Skin to skin feels nicer. Come and kiss me."

Yohji forced his body to bend so that Nagi could easily press their lips together. The telekinetic touch on his cock continued, unabated. _Does he want me to come? Does he want me not to? I wish I knew._ When Nagi pulled back, Yohji licked his lips and said, "May I touch you, Nagi-san?"

Nagi nodded. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and started to unbutton it.

 _He's going to do that here where anybody might see his scars? Or did he give orders that nobody was to come near?_ Yohji was starting to understand that Nagi's orders carried a great deal of weight. _With everyone except Crawford, Schuldig and Empath Second Chekree._ He reached out and touched the hem of Nagi's shirt. When that brought no negative response, he moved the fingers of both hands under the shirt and let them rest on Nagi's skin. _I need to figure out what he likes. Apart from getting off._

Nagi leaned in to kiss Yohji again. He nipped at Yohji's lower lip.

Yohji stroked his fingers across Nagi's belly, starting in the center and moving his hands apart. When Nagi pulled back from the kiss, Yohji whispered, "Nagi-san," and laid his head against Nagi's shoulder. His hands moved around to Nagi's back. He pushed them upward then feathered them lightly as he pulled them back down.

Nagi's touch on Yohji's cock was becoming more than just a distraction. Yohji fought not to come. _Not on his pants! He'd hate that._ "Please, Nagi-san--" He let his body jerk a little in response to a tug on his cock. "Please, may I come?" _Asking sets a bad precedent. Not asking is unbearable._

Nagi lifted Yohji's head off his shoulder then shrugged out of his shirt. He shifted position until he was behind Yohji. He pulled on Yohji's shoulders so that his body arched back. "If you want to," he whispered in Yohji's ear. "Do it for me."

Yohji moaned and let his head fall back. He focused his attention on Nagi's lust and on his own physical sensations. Tension built in his body until it was just shy of unbearable. He thrust his hips forward as much as he could, given his awkward position. He gave a whine of protest as his body stretched, pushing toward completion. He bit his lips as he came. He wasn't going to scream.

Nagi ran his hands along the curve of Yohji's torso, stopping well above the groin. "Lovely."

 _He feels so satisfied about that._ Yohji sagged back against Nagi. "Thank you, Nagi-san," he said when he could speak again. _How can he hate it so much and still want to do it?_

Nagi planted a kiss to one side of Yohji's mouth. 

Yohji turned so that their mouths could meet. As Nagi kissed him deeply, Yohji tried to evaluate the situation. _If he wants to fuck me, there's damn all I can do about it. And he wants something as soon as possible. Probably thinks he earned it by getting me off._ He wriggled, trying to find a more comfortable position. _Though as long as I have my legs folded under me, that's unlikely._

Not stopping the kiss, Nagi lifted Yohji off the blanket. As soon as there was space, Yohji kicked his legs out, and Nagi lowered him back down.

 _If he wants to kiss, we kiss._ Yohji tried to signal enthusiasm without being threatening. _Does it help that I'm below him?_

Nagi shifted so that he was kissing Yohji's throat.

Yohji bared it for him and tried not to tense up as he thought about how easily Nagi could kill him. _He always could. Just a thought and-- Pop. Hopefully, I won't see it coming. No. He wants me alive. He values me. As long as I don't set him off-- As long as nobody else sets him off--_ He blinked. _I am not going to cry. I can't spoil this by crying. He won't like it if I cry._

Nagi squeezed Yohji's arms then stopped kissing his throat and used a finger to trace the outline of a muscle as it flowed down Yohji's arm.

Yohji cleared his throat. He didn't trust himself to talk without doing that. "Please let me do something for you, Nagi-san." He waited a beat. When Nagi didn't object, Yohji twisted so that his face was against Nagi's bare torso. He pressed his lips against Nagi's skin. _Yes. I'm going to show I want to touch you. Will you allow it?_ He shifted upward a little, but was careful to keep his head below the level of Nagi's shoulders. _And I hope that nameless, dead abuser didn't ever do this._

Nagi put a hand on the back of Yohji's head. 

_What will you do if I touch your nipples? Better not to risk it._ Yohji continued to press kisses along Nagi's abdomen. _How to get his belt open? And his fly? I can't manage with my teeth, and I'm afraid to use my hands._ He dipped his head low and ran his tongue along Nagi's waistband, touching the skin just above the fabric. He went lower, nuzzling at the bulge in Nagi's pants. He rubbed his face against Nagi's crotch.

Nagi gave a little gasp and jerked his hips.

"I want to taste you," Yohji whispered. "I want to feel my lips touching you." _Yes. I can give you pleasure. Everything you want._ He moved upward again, this time using his tongue and his lips. _It's a promise. Think of what this'll feel like on your cock. Don't you want it?_

Nagi pulled back a bit. His hands fumbled at his belt, pushing Yohji away. "Just a moment--"

Yohji kissed Nagi's hands. _That's right. You know I can't help myself. You're just that wonderful. Really. Believe that._

Nagi opened his fly. He lifted his hips to pull his pants down. He didn't take them all the way off.

Yohji bent over Nagi's cock, taking it between his lips. He teased the tip with his tongue then took the whole thing deep into his mouth. _Don't choke. Don't choke. There's nothing sexy about vomit._ He sucked then pulled back before going down again. _In and out and around._ He ran his tongue along Nagi's entire length.

Nagi groaned. "Just like that!"

Yohji sucked Nagi's cock into his mouth again. _You like this? Good. Maybe I can make you want this instead of wanting my ass._ He knew that his current sense of control was deceptive. _He's still in charge. Don't forget that. Don't dare forget that._

Yohji sucked then released, sucked then released. He could feel Nagi getting tenser. _Yes. Tighter. Wind yourself up. The release will be spectacular._

Nagi buried a hand in Yohji's hair and pushed Yohji's head down. He thrust upward.

Yohji gagged but managed to keep his dinner down. He fought the urge to push back against Nagi's hand and, instead, did his best to stimulate Nagi further, wanting the whole thing to be over as soon as possible. He couldn't think of anything except making Nagi come, and even that wasn't in words.

After a subjective eternity, Nagi's breath hissed between his teeth. His hips bucked. He came in Yohji's mouth.

Yohji swallowed. _I don't even want to think about what he'd do if I didn't. It would get all over the blanket or worse-- his pants._ He sucked and licked Nagi clean then pulled back as far as Nagi's hand in his hair would allow. He wasn't sure what he should do next. Some men, in his experience, hated to be touched right after orgasm. _At least, touched there. But some do like it. A lot. I don't know which he is._ He risked a glance upward and saw that Nagi's eyes were shut. He sighed, blowing gently on Nagi's cock. He lowered his head and nuzzled Nagi's cock. He mouthed Nagi's balls. _I should be careful. He's eighteen. He might be able to get it up again._ He swallowed hard as his belly clenched. _If that happens, it won't be a blow job. It'll be his cock buried in my ass, and he'll take a long time coming. At least he won't expect me to come again. He won't, will he?_

Nagi's fingers released their grip on Yohji's hair then tightened again. "Ngn. Yohji-kun--" He made no move to pull Yohji away from his crotch.

 _He likes it. Good. If I can predict his reactions, I have a better chance of surviving._ Yohji took Nagi's limp cock between his lips and rolled it on his tongue. He didn't suck, made no effort to draw Nagi into erection again. _There's more to this than orgasms. I can give you pleasure, Nagi-san, when you let me touch you._

Nagi leaned back, supporting himself with both hands.

Yohji took that as a signal to continue what he was doing. The wind picked up, and he shivered. He tried to still himself, but his body wouldn't cooperate. He wasn't sure if Nagi would notice the tremor. He hoped not.

Nagi shuddered. He sat up and put a hand on Yohji's head. "That's enough, Yohji-kun. It feels good, but it's too much."

Yohji pulled back. Nagi's hand was still on his head, so he didn't sit up.

Nagi ran his hand down to Yohji's shoulder. "You're shaking, Yohji-kun. I'm sorry. I should have thought. You must be cold." He gave Yohji the tiniest push away. "Put your clothes on."

Yohji rose to his knees and inched away. He didn't want to look away from Nagi, but he wasn't sure exactly where his clothes had ended up. _I also need to clean myself. Will one of the napkins do? It'll have to. There should be one... there._ His hand closed on cloth. He pulled it to him, shook it out in case it held crumbs. He hesitated, not sure what Nagi would say.

Nagi had risen to his feet and pulled up his pants. He bent and picked up his shirt. "It'll be warm again soon. The warm weather comes and goes this time of year. It was warmer last week."

Nagi was looking away, so Yohji wiped himself. The semen had started to dry, so he had to rub a little harder than he wanted to. He gave himself only the most cursory cleaning, enough, he hoped, to avoid getting his sweatpants wet. He dropped the napkin and scrambled to get his clothes on.

He was still cold when he was dressed again, but he smiled up at Nagi.

Nagi crouched next to Yohji. "Are you still hungry? There's food left. Or I suppose we could look at the gardens some more." He brushed one hand along the side of Yohji's face. "I want tonight to be nice."

 _Could I eat more? If I forced it, yes._ Yohji's body still felt uncertain from choking on Nagi's cock. "It has been nice," he assured Nagi. "I've missed being outside." _No! Stupid! That sounds like I haven't been happy._ He finished pulling on his second shoe. "I'd rather not go in yet, but it might be better to walk around. It's a little chilly for sitting here."

Nagi stood and reached a hand down to help Yohji rise. "We can just leave everything here. It'll get cleaned up later."

 _Must be nice, having minions._ "Okay. Is there any part of the gardens that you particularly like?" _Better than wandering around at random and hoping you don't get bored._

"I'm fond of the trees. It'll be years before we have big trees-- The base hasn't been here that long-- but we've got some pines over this way." Nagi didn't let go of Yohji's hand. He led the way down the hill and to the left.

 _The door we came out is to the right, I think._ "Why so many Earth plants?"

"It's because the base is about Earth. I mean, some of the plants come from other worlds, but the idea of this place is to take the good things about Earth and encourage them to flourish."

 _That makes no sense. Propaganda? Possibly._ "Is it maybe some because you want it this way?"

"Some of it, I suppose." Nagi sounded uncomfortable.

 _You have every luxury imaginable, and you don't want to admit people picked plants to please you?_ "I take it they didn't ask you what you wanted?"

"It wouldn't have occurred to me to care. I didn't know then that I'd like the gardens. Before, there was never much opportunity to explore places like this. We were always working."

There was an intact walkway ahead. Yohji was relieved to see it. _So he didn't wreck the entire place. I was wondering how far he could reach._ Well spaced saplings flanked the path. They were still skinny and struggling to survive. Yohji could see bigger trees, pine trees, ahead. "They must grow fast."

Nagi slowed his pace. "I believe these are the kind westerners plant to cut for Christmas trees. They grow quite fast. Once the other trees are established, these will be cut down."

Yohji walked up to one of the trees and used his free hand to touch the needles. "That seems a pity."

Nagi tugged on Yohji's hand, drawing his attention away from the tree. "They're weed trees."

Yohji smiled at Nagi. "You said you liked the trees." _If you like them and are still looking forward to them being gone, what does that say for me?_

"I do. I'll miss them when they're gone. I'll just enjoy the other trees then."

 _Empath Second Chekree thinks this is adolescent infatuation. If it is, it will end. He'll go on to other things. When? I don't dare encourage it._ "I suppose the gardens will always be here." 

"If I have anything to say about it." Nagi touched the tree, too. "There's something about living things that feels different to my power. The gardens are special that way. I come out here when I need peace."

 _And I broke that the other night. You were trying to do something nice, and I freaked out._ "I'm glad you have that." Yohji looked around, trying to draw some of the peace into himself. "People are difficult." _For you they are._

"People want things. Plants, not so much."

Yohji thought of the plants in the Koneko. "They want things. It's just simpler-- Sun, water, space. People want other things."

"I suppose so." Nagi sounded uncertain.

 _This is_ not _safe territory._ "I wish I could perceive what you do," Yohji said.

"We'd need a telepath for that."

Yohji sensed a spike of grief in Nagi and guessed that he must be thinking about Schuldig. _Don't want to encourage that._ "What other parts of the garden do you visit?"


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran and Ouka meet Empath Second Chekree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to leorising and Gemais for beta reading and general support. Thanks to Nakki no Miko for helping me find cricket videos.

"I don't care. You need PT." Ran's expression was stubborn, and Ouka wondered how her brother managed to work with him.

"Bringing another person in here only complicates things," she answered, repeating herself. "I'm not really in bad shape." It was all she could do not to stamp her foot. _But nii-san wouldn't do that._

Ran's jaw set. "You've mostly been lying there without moving for weeks. Omi, that's not good for you, and you can't just pick up as if it hadn't happened."

"So I take it slow and build back up." _I have to. I can't fight like nii-san. You'd spot in a moment that something was wrong if I tried._

"You should have somebody making a plan for you. I know you." Ran shook a finger at Ouka. "You'll overdo and set yourself back."

"I'll do that whether I have a plan or not." Ouka thought she'd have more sense, but she knew Ran was correct about her brother's response. _He can't stand being helpless. He hasn't had enough practice. No, that's not fair. He can't stand it because it's happened before and has cost him._ "Besides, do you really think Crawford will spare someone to come look after me?"

"Aut said that Crawford has a responsibility to us, well, to me, anyway. We should use that." Ran paced back and forth. "From what Aut said, I have rights."

_Fine time to be asserting that. No, he's thinking about using Crawford rather than about fighting him. That's good. It can only help. Except--_ "I'm still going to spend a lot of time doing nothing, Ran-kun. I have to work on the computers." _Even you will notice something wrong if we're making a lot of progress with the computer but not spending any time to do it, right? I just wish it weren't so boring._ She rather looked forward to reading some of Ran's books.

"All the more reason to get an expert in. We can plan everything carefully."

"Do the Taisken even have physical therapists?" Ouka thought they must, but she hoped the question would distract Ran. _And distracting Ran is what I have to focus on. He's expecting nii-san. Maybe a physical therapist is a good idea. He or she might distract Ran. I'm a little too obviously not nii-san._

"Even with the nanites, people have got to need help recovering from some things," Ran said. "I bet they're different from what we're used to, but I bet they exist."

"But is this place big enough to have a physical therapist?" _From what nii-san says, it probably is. Not more than one, but one isn't out of the question._

"It's too late to protest," Ran said. "I already told my sister that I wanted a physical therapist when I told her you were awake. She understood. She needed a lot of therapy after two years of not moving."

_I didn't know that. I should have guessed. I never even thought._ Ouka scowled. "Why didn't you say that sooner?" She let her irritation leak into her voice. "If it's done, it's done. I think it's a bad idea, an unnecessary one, but I can't be seen to contradict you." _And I'm not sure we have the status, with regard to the Taisken, to do it. Ken said we're not of age yet. I suspect Ran-kun is our guardian._

Ran folded his arms and nodded in satisfaction. "It'll probably take a couple of days before they send anybody. In the meantime, I can show you some of the exercises Aya-chan did after she first woke up." He held out a hand to Ouka and, when she took it, pulled her to her feet. "For now, we'll just start with walking around. You can do that. You've been doing it, off and on, for a while now."

Ouka had noticed that walking took more effort than she remembered Omi expending on the process before Schwarz kidnapped them. "I guess I'll tour the apartment." She walked from room to room, skipping only Ran's room. _He deserves some privacy, even if he doesn't give me any. I am capable of dressing myself._

She spent the most time in the workout room. It was open and large enough that she could walk around and around it without feeling claustrophobic. _This can't have been part of the apartment to begin with._ She inspected the doorway between the room and the rest of the apartment. The moulding was crooked and the doorframe irregular.

Ran came up behind her while she was looking. "Aya-chan says this was a meeting room. They knocked a hole in the wall and put in a door."

Ouka studied the walls. "They must have plastered over a door, too. There must have been a way in." She couldn't see one, so the people removing the old doorway must have done a better job than the people putting in the new.

"It smelled of paint when we first moved in," Ran said. "I don't think there's room for a lot of equipment, but we can ask for anything you need. We may not get it, but we can ask."

"Let me think about it," Ouka temporized. She wasn't sure what Omi would want. She knew what he did when he went to the gym or the dojo, but she wasn't sure what he'd think was realistic in this situation. _And he might not be realistic._ She continued with her walking.

Ran stopped her after she'd taken two tours through the apartment. "You're walking like you're tired. Sit down for a while. You can try again soon."

Ouka thought she could have kept going for a while longer, but she decided not to argue. _It's not worth it. Of course, now I have to talk to him. I'm not so sure that waking up was a good idea, especially with nii-san spending so much time in the computer. He didn't think it through. Or maybe he was thinking of me. The hours dragged._ She sat down in one corner of the couch in the living room. "What sort of books do you have, Ran-kun? I was thinking that I might want to read."

"I've got some poetry, a few classics, some historical non-fiction and a couple of books on current events and political trends. I've got a handful of novels, as well," Ran replied. "You're welcome to browse."

_What would nii-san read? Well, what would be useful? No, I want to read something I'll enjoy._ "May I borrow some poetry? An anthology if you've got one." She patted the back of her head then realized that her brother wouldn't do that. She snatched her hands into her lap and folded them together.

Ran's eyes widened a little, and he gave her a startled look. "I thought for sure you'd go for one of the political books."

She waved a dismissive hand. "Earth politics don't mean much right now. After we get out of here, yes, but right now, they're irrelevant. Get me a book on Taisken politics, now, and it'd be a different story."

Ran's expression turned considering. "We speak and read the language now. I'm sure they must have something like books. I'll ask my sister."

Ouka hoped her surprise didn't show on her face. _I didn't expect him to think of something like that._ "That's a good idea. Until then, poetry."

He disappeared into his room and came out with three books. "I don't have any anthologies, as such, and I wasn't sure what you liked, so I brought a variety."

_Give them to me. Let me see._ "That's all right. I don't know what I like, either. I haven't really had time for poetry, outside of school work." _I've missed poetry. It's not like I can ask nii-san to waste time on something like that. It's frivolous. Like shopping for clothes._

"You can read for fifteen minutes," Ran said. "Then it will be time to walk some more."

Ouka nodded and opened the first book. She let out a sigh of contentment.

 

Both Ouka and Ran were startled by the knock on the door. _Who could it be?_ Ouka set down her book, carefully noting the page before she closed it. She stood up and tugged on her clothing. _No. I look fine, and nii-san wouldn't do that._

"I don't think Crawford would knock, and I'm damned sure Schuldig wouldn't." Ran headed for the door.

"Your sister might."

"She'd have let herself in almost immediately."

The knock sounded again.

"Who is it?" Ran called through the door.

There was a pause. Then a voice spoke in Taisken. "I am Empath Second Chekree. May I enter?"

Ran glanced back at Ouka with an inquiring look. Ouka shrugged in response.

"I can't open the door from this side," Ran replied in Taisken, "but you can come in."

The door opened. Ran flinched, and Ouka found herself breathing a little more quickly. She clenched her hands and pulled her arms in tight. 

The being who stood outside looked for all the world like a giant cricket. Its carapace had been painted in an intricate design that Ouka assumed conveyed some sort of meaning. There was a little box attached to its chest and there were several small pouches hanging from its body.

Ran took two steps back. After a moment, he turned his retreat into a gracious bow. "Welcome, Empath Second."

Ouka also retreated. She told herself that it was a practical matter, that the empath couldn't come in unless she moved, but she knew part of it was fear.

The cricket advanced into the apartment. The door hissed shut behind it.

As they moved into the living room, the cricket made some chirping noises. Then a voice issued from the little box. "You seem surprised to see me. I was under the impression I was expected." As it spoke, appendages to either side of its mouth twitched, bent and straightened.

Ouka made herself stop staring. "Nobody mentioned a visitor. Of course, nobody really talks to us at all." She hesitated. _Please don't be the physical therapist! No. This could be an opportunity no matter why it's here. Nii-san would take advantage of it._ She bowed. "Please sit down." She hesitated then added, "I don't know if our furniture will be comfortable for you."

The cricket looked her up and down then gave Ran a similar once over. "Which one of you is Fujimiya and which one is Tsukiyono?"

"I'm Fujimiya," Ran said.

"And I'm Tsukiyono," Ouka said after a moment. _Was that noticeable? I've got to think of myself as Tsukiyono Omi._

The cricket's head bobbed up and down. "Good. I'm glad that's settled." It moved further into the room. It stopped in the middle of the living room, between the couch and the overstuffed chair, and crouched there. "It is my task to teach you how to shield your minds."

_Oh. Oh! I wonder how much it can teach me? I don't really know what I'm doing. I just do it._ "We're honored," Ouka said. She sat down. She wasn't sure that was the correct thing to do, but she was tired.

Empath Second Chekree made some chirping noises that didn't translate then said, "Ideally, we'd do this in a training room, one specially shielded and prepared. Precognitive Second Crawford, however, is obstinately convinced that you cannot be released for that." It rubbed its two arms together. "He can't deny me entry anywhere in the complex, but he's not required to make this easier."

Ouka found herself staring at Empath Second Chekree. _Those... things by her mouth are horribly fascinating. The way they move is creepy._ She looked away.

Ran took a seat as well. "We're very interested in learning this." He rubbed his hands together then clasped them. 

"Good. Interest will make this work better. I hate unwilling students."

Ouka hesitated then looked at Empath Second Chekree and said, "I think I already have shields. I can keep Schuldig out, at least."

The cricket focused its attention on Ouka. "From what I gather, it is more than just keeping him out. You've been... creative. I can work with that. It's a starting place. At least, I assume neither of you have ever had lessons?"

Ouka shook her head. "Never."

Ran shrugged. "Until a couple of years ago, we didn't even know powers like this existed. Even then, we had no idea what to do about them."

"To start with, you need to know when something is coming into your mind. That won't help you if someone is just reading your surface thoughts or emotions, but you will notice if someone tries to meddle." The cricket looked sideways at Ouka. "You say you can shield-- Can you lower your shields?"

Ouka thought about that. "I never tried. Once I figured out how to start, I never thought about stopping." _Nii-san couldn't shield before I... came here. No need to say that I never figured it out. It just happened._ "The only telepath I knew was Schuldig, and he's dangerous."

"Any powerful telepath is dangerous," Empath Second Chekree said. "Telepath Third Schuldig is powerful. My understanding is that he could be second tier, possibly even first, if he applied himself."

"How do we start to shield?" Ran asked. "I need to know."

Empath Second Chekree looked back and forth between Ran and Ouka. "Very well, we will start with basics. You--" It nodded at Ouka. "--may not need them now, but it will do you good to learn them. Shields that spontaneously develop sometimes spontaneously go away. First, are you physically comfortable? We will be some time, and it's better to take care of the body before starting. I don't want any interruptions."

Ouka shifted uneasily in her seat. _Physically comfortable? Oh. Yes._ She rose to her feet. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll use the toilet. Ran-- Maybe you should make some tea." She looked at Empath Second Chekree. "Can you have tea? It's a beverage made by steeping leaves in hot water. It contains a stimulant called caffeine in our native tongue."

"I should be able to try it," Empath Second Chekree replied.

Ouka nodded and left the room. Behind her, she could hear Ran say, "This is what a teacup looks like. Do you think you can drink from one or should I find something else?" _Good Ran-kun. I hadn't thought about that._

Ouka had gotten used to the business of taking care of her brother's body, but there was still something fundamentally wrong for her about it. _The plumbing shouldn't work that way._ She took a moment to look in the mirror. The body's hair was a bit too long. _Nii-san prefers it shorter._ She crossed her arms and ran her hands over her chest. Flat. It was always going to be flat. _This isn't my body. It's not who I ought to be. No. It's just who I am now._

She emerged from the bathroom and went to the kitchen. 

Ran was waiting for the water to heat.

"Go. Use the toilet. I'll make the tea." Judging by the sound of the kettle, the water was nearly ready. She stood beside the stove and waited. When the kettle started to whistle, she turned off the heat. She let the kettle stand for a minute then added some cold water. She poured the water into the teapot. Not wanting to deal with the mess of the tea leaves in the living room, she stood and waited for the tea to finish steeping.

She wasn't entirely sure of her ability to carry the tray. The exercises Ran had suggested had proven to her that the body had weakened. _I'll never know if I don't try._ She lifted it, carried it into the living room and set it down on one of the end tables. _Has the empath moved at all? I don't think it has. Doesn't it ever fidget?_

Ran came back into the living room and sat down.

Ouka sat, too, next to the tray rather than in the seat she'd previously vacated. "I think we're ready now," she said. _And I suspect the tea will get cold._

"Very well." The mechanical voice carried very little emotion. "Tell me when you feel this." Empath Second Chekree looked at Ran. "You will probably think it's coming from within you. You need to learn to tell what's you and what's foreign. That separation is key in being able to shield."

Ouka wondered what 'this' might be. She folded her hands in her lap and waited. It started small, just the merest hint of joy. She could tell it came from outside her. She wasn't sure if she should try to shut it out. She raised one hand a little, not sure if she should say anything.

Ran smiled. He seemed to relax. Then he blinked. "Oh," he said. "Oh! That's not me." He looked a little disappointed.

"Very good," Empath Second Chekree said. "Later on, I will bring in a telepath, and we can work with thoughts." It raised a middle limb and rubbed the side of its face with it.

_Is that an arm or a leg? It walked on it, but now it's moving like an arm. I suppose it's both. Why am I not more freaked out by the giant cricket in our living room?_

"Not Schuldig!" Ran put in.

Empath Second Chekree made a noise that didn't translate. "Indeed. Telepath Third Schuldig will not be a part of this training. There are other telepaths." It looked from Ran to Ouka and back again. "Do you think you would know next time that an emotion was not yours?"

"I would," Ouka said firmly.

Ran frowned. "I'm not sure. I mean, I was expecting that. The other night, with Yohji--" His voice broke a little. "I thought it was all me. It seemed so logical."

"Be wary of sudden changes in mood or of new ideas suddenly popping into your head. They may be you, but they may, equally, come from someone else. Things that are not your own will always feel just a little bit different, like the hint of subtle spice in a food," said Empath Second Chekree.

Ouka nodded. She thought she had an advantage in that she always had to be aware of which thoughts were hers and which belonged to Omi. 

Ran looked like he had questions, but he said nothing.

"Have either of you ever tried meditation?" Empath Second Chekree asked. "It may prove useful here. It sometimes blurs the line between self and the surroundings, but it can be used to sharpen the distinction."

Ouka shook her head. Neither she nor her brother had ever been interested in meditation. _Though nii-san's practice at holding postures might come close, I suppose. Kind of._ She poured tea into a cup and offered it to Empath Second Chekree who took it. Then she poured a cup for Ran.

Ran accepted the cup, set it down next to him and nodded. "I'm not very good at it, but I've done it."

Empath Second Chekree reached into a pouch bound to its body and pulled out a heavy looking straw. It stuck the straw into the teacup. "Try slipping into that state now. Stay aware of your self and your thoughts. You need to define yourself. It can be spatially or conceptually or whatever works for you. You just want to set up a division between 'self' and 'other.'" Empath Second Chekree seemed to be giving Ran most of its attention.

Ouka considered that. She thought she had a pretty good grasp of what was herself and what was other. _Side effect of sharing a body._ She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. _I'm not the space I occupy. Both nii-san and I are in the same space. But it's hard to define myself without using space. Am I bigger, more spread out, when nii-san isn't here?_

"Tsukiyono, I'm going to push at your shields," Empath Second Chekree said. "Try to keep me out. Fujimiya, you shouldn't feel this. I'll be focused on Tsukiyono. Keep working on defining yourself."

Ouka took another deep breath, opened her eyes and braced herself.

It started small, just a thread of anger. Ouka blocked it out easily. She kept her mental eye on the pushing emotion, watching as it grew bigger and more insistent. It twisted around, probing her defenses, looking for a weak point.

_It's different from Yohji's despair. That wasn't trying to get at us specifically. It was just like a big hammer._

Empath Second Chekree didn't move and didn't speak. The attack on Ouka's mind intensified.

Ouka pulled her mind in tighter. She imagined that she was round and armored around her deepest self. Beyond that, she was like fog. The attacking emotion could go where it wished, but it wouldn't find anything but the surface she kept for deception.

Empath Second Chekree turned its head sideways. The emotional attack stopped. "What were you doing there?" The clicks sounded urgent, but the voice coming out of the box was flat.

Ouka raised her chin. "Shielding."

"That is most subtle for one with no training." The words had no inflection, but Ouka thought she heard an accusation, at least hints of one, there.

"The only telepath any of us have ever met is Schuldig. Training was not much on our minds," Ouka said. "I have thought a lot, in the years since, about how to protect myself. It seems to have paid off."

"Indeed." Empath Second Chekree shifted from one leg to the other. "Tomorrow, I will bring a device for identifying psychic powers. Fujimiya has been tested, but you have not."

Ran's eyes popped open. "I have? When?" 

Ouka couldn't decide if he sounded curious or suspicious. _Probably some of both._

"Indeed," said Empath Second Chekree. "Shortly after you... arrived here. It's a requirement for citizenship, and Precognitive Second Crawford had to apply for citizenship on your behalf. His marriage to your sister necessitated it." It scraped its legs together. "In your case, nothing was found. It is so with half of the human population. Of the rest, most are fourth or fifth tier talents."

"You can test for psychic powers that easily?" Ouka was sure this was a bad idea. _Will they see what nii-san can do? Or won't it show up because he won't be here? It's a bad idea to have that on official record._

"The device won't tell us whether the powers are active or not or how strong they might be," said Empath Second Chekree. "The fact that you haven't been tested is an oversight. Some powers are dangerous."

_It knows._ Ouka knew that with a desperate certainty. _If it knows, who else knows? Has it told Crawford? No. We wouldn't be having this cosy class if Crawford knew. He'd be trying to keep us out of the computers._ "I'd rather not be tested."

Ran stared at her for a moment. Then understanding, quickly shuttered, dawned on his face.

"That is not up to you," Empath Second Chekree replied. "If it helps, I will report the results to the High Lord, not to Precognitive Second Crawford."

"I don't need citizenship," Ouka said.

"You're not of age, and you're the ward of a citizen. It is required. You're too young to be a slave, and you're not, strictly speaking, a prisoner of the conquest any longer. Being underage, you were always in a gray area. Technically, Precognitive Second Crawford has to treat you as his child. Well, not any longer because you are technically Fujimiya's child now."

Ouka's head hurt. "That's complicated."

"Omi's not my child!" Ran protested. He glanced at Ouka, and she guessed that he was trying to see if she was offended.

"Legally, he is." Empath Second Chekree was implacable. "You're responsible for taking care of him. He's old enough to express opinions and be taken seriously, but you're responsible for him." It glanced at Ouka. "Unless you want to petition for a different guardian? Your options are limited at the moment, but you might find it advantageous to have Precognitive Second Crawford directly responsible for you."

Ouka shook her head emphatically. "I don't trust him."

Empath Second Chekree lifted one arm then let it fall. "That's up to you. I will be testing you tomorrow. In the mean time, let's make the most of the training time we've got."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources for information on Japanese tea making:  
> http://shizuokatea.com/gtk-how-to.php  
> http://www.avenue18.ca/OTHERINFO/OTHERINFO6.htm
> 
> Sources for images of crickets:  
> http://www.pond5.com/stock-video-footage/1/cricket-animal-insect.html  
> http://lanwebs.lander.edu/faculty/rsfox/invertebrates/images/orthop9L_x550_x_572x.gif


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yohji spends his first day without Nagi present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Gemais, Leorising and HopeofDawn for beta reading.

Yohji wandered around the apartment while he waited for Telat to come to escort him to his lesson with Empath Second Chekree. He was getting more accustomed to walls that hid multiple shelves and to the devices in the kitchen. _I know where the movies and the books are. I know how to call up the computer. I even have a login._

His eyes strayed to the coffee table where he'd left the little handheld device that Nagi had identified as a portable encyclopedia. "Just with more information and regular updates," Nagi had said. Yohji hadn't yet dared look too deeply into what it held. He knew he needed to know, but he was afraid of what he might find. _Do I really want to know how thoroughly screwed we are? Four of us against-- What? And is it really the four of us now, or is it just me? I can't do anything alone but try not to drown._

_Nagi-san has only been gone an hour, and he can't have left for Dimwei yet. He said afternoon, and it's still morning._ Yohji ran his fingers through his hair. _At least he was in a good mood when he left. I worked hard at that._ He didn't want to think too hard about the sex which had started the day. _He did enjoy it, though. I hope I start to, too._ He also resolutely didn't examine his relief at the thought of five days with no sex.

Yohji was staring at the aquarium, not really seeing the fish inside, when Telat came into the apartment. She closed the door behind herself and gave him a little bow. "Kudoh-san, good morning," she said in Japanese.

He nodded to her. "Telat-san." _At least we're in Japanese. I have a name in Japanese._ In formal Taisken, he was known as Slave Telekinetic First Naoe. Empath Second Chekree called him Kudoh, but that was an intimacy Nagi would not allow Telat. Empath Second Chekree was different. _Nagi-san doesn't resent her, for one thing. He wants me to spend time with her. Only while it's useful, I suppose, but still._ "I just need to put on my shoes, and I'll be ready to go."

"I'm afraid your lesson has been delayed." Telat looked genuinely regretful. "Empath Second Chekree ate something yesterday that disagreed with her. She expects to be able to see you in a few hours, but she's not certain." Telat held up a device that looked nothing like the cell phone Nagi used. "She says she will call me when she's well."

"Oh." Yohji felt like he'd been denied a promised treat. _That's an overreaction. Yes, it is, but I don't want to be alone in here more than I have to be._ "I guess that's that. Please come back when-- No. I'd like to go to the gym now rather than waiting until after my lesson."

"As you wish." Telat had made several attempts to be friendly to Yohji, but he, bearing in mind Nagi's jealousy, had rebuffed them all. Now she no longer tried.

_I could explain, but Nagi-san wouldn't like that. She might be too scared to be useful._ Yohji knew whose survival mattered more to him when balancing her interests against his own. _She'll just have to take her chances like everyone else._

Telat moved aside when Yohji came to the door after his shoes. She watched without comment as he pulled them on.

"If there's time, we'll come back here after so that I can shower." He had no idea whether Empath Second Chekree objected to the smell of sweat, but he saw no reason to be rude. _And I'll feel better for a shower._

"I doubt she'll be ready before lunch, even if you don't eat until one," Telat said. "She sounded exhausted."

Yohji wondered how Telat could tell. _The voice coming out of that box sounds the same no matter what._ "Food poisoning will really take it out of you. I remember one time--" He cut himself off. _She doesn't need to know that. It's too much like we're friends._ He shook his head. "Well, I was sick as a dog for a few days." He stood up. "I'm ready to go."

Telat led the way to Crawford's gym. Yohji thought he might have been able to find it himself but was grateful he didn't have to. _It's different, coming from this direction, but I recognize that mural and this cross corridor. There must be some system of marking corridors. Otherwise, everybody'd get lost._

Crawford's gym was a large, open room. There were weights and weight machines along the left wall and a treadmill, rowing machine and punching bag along the right wall. There was a storage room off to one side that Yohji wasn't allowed into on his own. It held weapons and assorted other equipment like balls and jump ropes.

When Yohji and Telat arrived, Crawford was on the treadmill, running. He had a towel draped over one shoulder, and, as they watched, he wiped his face with it. The treadmill faced the door, so he must have seen them come in, but he gave no sign of it.

"Why don't you wait outside?" Yohji suggested to Telat. "Go and get a coffee or something. I'll be a while, and there's no point in your hanging around." _Go away. Give me the illusion of control._ He glanced at Crawford. _His presence will make sure I don't lose track of reality._

"Naoe-san wouldn't approve of my leaving you." Telat's face had a stubborn set.

_Nagi-san also won't approve of you watching me. He wants that for himself._ "I promise I won't leave without you," Yohji said. "I also promise I won't overdo." _Nagi-san would be angry with me._ "No one else is going to come in. I should be perfectly safe." _Crawford's not crazy enough to alienate Nagi-san over me. I have the impression that he needs Nagi-san._

He could feel Telat's hesitation, and he really wanted her to go. He hesitated, searching for further words. Then he gave her a little emotional push, a bit of serenity and certainty of safety. He hoped he was being subtle enough that she wouldn't notice. _I wouldn't dare do that with Nagi-san._

Telat frowned. Then her face smoothed out. "All right. I'll check back in half an hour. You still don't have any way to call me."

_I ought to. Oh, well, I can't ask for anything like that until Nagi-san comes back._ He made a shooing gesture. "Go. Relax. You can get back to babysitting me when I'm ready to leave."

Telat smiled at him and left.

Yohji went to the center of the open area and started to stretch. He did his best to ignore Crawford, but he could feel the man's eyes on him. _I wonder what he thinks of me. We've gone a long way from that prison cell, and I don't think Crawford's in charge any more._ He started with simple exercises-- touching his toes, jumping jacks, push ups and sit ups. He wanted to run and jump and hear his wire sing, but he didn't have his wire, and his body wasn't ready for a thorough workout. 

_How long is he going to run? I'd like to use the treadmill._ Yohji glanced at Crawford and found that the man seemed to be slowing down. _Oh, good. I wonder-- Does he use the treadmill first or last? Will I have to compete with him for the weights?_

Over the next few minutes, Crawford slowed the treadmill until he was walking at a leisurely pace. Yohji paused in his exercises as Crawford stopped the machine. He watched as the other man got off the treadmill and picked up a bottle of water. Crawford drank deeply.

Wanting to use the treadmill while avoiding Crawford, Yohji kept an eye on the American as he went back to his own exercises. _He'll go do something else soon._

But Crawford apparently had other ideas. He strolled over to where Yohji was working out. "Where's your water bottle, Kudoh?" he asked in Japanese.

_I guess I am going to have to talk to him._ "I don't have one," Yohji replied. "Nagi-san hasn't given me one." _And it never occurred to me to ask._ He straightened and turned to meet Crawford's eyes.

"Nagi can't think of everything." Crawford seemed to be studying Yohji.

Yohji couldn't pick up much in the way of emotions from Crawford and assumed that the other man must be shielding. _At the very least, he ought to be feeling satisfied by his run._ He returned Crawford's scrutiny. "He does have a lot on his mind." _And he keeps getting distracted by his desire to fuck me. You set that up._

"He's going to be spending more and more time at court," Crawford said. "He needs to learn how to take his place there."

_What does that have to do with water bottles?_ "I have no desire to interfere with that." Yohji thought he might as well give Crawford what he was after. _At least, I think that's what he's after._ "My safety depends on his."

Crawford nodded. The movement seemed absent rather than firm. "I don't See you at court, Kudoh."

_I can hear the capital letter._ "Do you see everything?"

"No." The word came reluctantly, and Crawford frowned. "But I do See Nagi at court. I need to. There are so many things that could go wrong."

"At some point, you have to trust him to cope on his own." Yohji considered resuming his exercises. _But Crawford's probably one of the few people in this place I can talk to without worrying about how Nagi-san will react._ The strength of his need to talk to someone-- anyone-- surprised him.

"My ability balances out our inexperience with the court." Crawford looked Yohji up and down. "You're looking better."

"That happens when nobody's beating me." _Then again. He's an asshole. Do I really want to talk to him? Yes. Yes, I do. He might let something slip about the others._ "Thank you for letting me use your gym."

Crawford waved a dismissive hand. "It's nothing. Nagi uses it all the time. Schuldig could, but he prefers the main gym. There are more opportunities to interact with people there, and he likes the pool."

"There's a pool?" Yohji stomped hard on his eagerness. He pushed his hair back from his face. "Never mind. I can't imagine I'll get to use it. Nagi-san doesn't like people looking at me." _Me, in public, in a bathing suit, doesn't bear thinking about. I wonder what the Taisken wear when they swim?_

Crawford made a noise that might have been agreement or might have been a query.

Yohji met Crawford's eyes. "Did you foresee where this would go? Back in the cell, I mean. This is a lot more complicated than what you originally proposed." He wondered why he didn't hate Crawford more.

"It was always possible," Crawford replied. "Nagi is emotionally volatile, and he was bored. I hadn't been able to get him interested in the day to day running of this base."

"He's out, working, every day."

"Now. Before, he was mostly studying and amusing himself. He's very solitary. I was worried about him."

Yohji suppressed a snort. _He's not solitary. He's focused._ "Did he have any reason to think his input would be welcome?" 

Crawford pushed his glasses up his nose. "I never excluded him."

"I expect he was waiting for you to tell him what to do. Guess what? He's not waiting any more."

"I know. It's very exciting." Crawford didn't sound excited. "I'd be happier if you weren't complicating things."

_So let me go._ Yohji knew better than to say that out loud. _That would cause a breach between them that nothing could heal._ He rubbed his right hand against the bracer on his left arm.

Crawford leaned in close to Yohji. "Just what do you want, Kudoh? You're in a position many would kill for."

Yohji refused to give ground. "I want what I've always wanted." _I want to survive. I want the others to be free._ "You seemed to understand what that was back in the cell."

Crawford stepped back and raised his eyebrows. "No ambition? Nagi will have great power once he's of age, particularly once we conquer Earth. You could do rather well out of it."

_And all I have to do is survive the uncertain temper and isolation and-- No. Those aren't reasons Crawford will understand._ "The High Lord said something of the sort. I was paying attention." _I'm trapped. By you._ He glared at Crawford. "Not everyone wants power." _Could I survive decades of this? Not and be the man I am now. The man who's slipping away from me, hour by hour. I'd survive in body. Is that enough to satisfy Omi? Is that enough to satisfy me?_ "I'm not ready to give up hope."

"No, I suppose not." Crawford studied Yohji's face. "I had reasons, fairly good ones, for throwing you and Nagi together."

Yohji thought Crawford sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "Will you still think that when Nagi-san kills someone you need because they looked at me wrong?" _I shouldn't have said that._

Crawford's expression sharpened. "You expect him to do that?"

Yohji nodded. "I fear it. He hates the woman he's got babysitting me. He thinks I might get attached." He looked at the floor then back up again. "I'm not that stupid." He extended then bent his fingers. "He told me once to kill her."

"I had hoped-- I don't See any futures in which he does kill someone, at least not without reason."

_This would be with reason, Crawford, just with a stupid reason. And what about me killing someone? Have you seen that?_ "It may just be that he's not going to kill anyone who matters to your plans."

Crawford smiled. "That's acceptable."

"Just what are your plans?" Yohji knew he was taking a risk asking, but he felt he needed to know.

"To conquer Earth for the High Lord. He's the best we're going to get. If Earth fights him off, the next one will be worse, much worse. Once we have Earth, ideally, Nagi will be Viceroy."

"With you to advise him." Yohji felt like he'd bitten unexpectedly into a lemon. _No wonder you want to know my intentions._

"You think you'd do better?"

Yohji thought Crawford was trying to loom. He smiled. _You're nothing after Nagi-san. He's scary. You're... not._ "I would never hand over someone helpless to be raped and beaten." The words came out hard and cold, like little hailstones. "I remember that people are human."

"I keep the big picture in mind, Kudoh. Individuals mostly don't matter. Besides, it hasn't done you any real damage."

Yohji felt himself start to shake with rage. "No damage? Really?" _If I knew what I was doing, I could show him no 'real damage!'_ "And just how does me being raped fit into the 'big picture?'" _If I try to hit him, he'll see it coming._ But he couldn't help thinking of how satisfying bruising his knuckles on Crawford's jaw would be. "I suppose I see why you don't want me armed." He raised his chin and stepped forward, daring Crawford to touch him. _I'm not sure Nagi-san would forgive even you. Not for a long time._

Crawford must have agreed because he stepped backward.

Yohji took another step forward. He balled up his fists, and, before he even thought about it, his fist was on its way toward Crawford's chin. He felt a jolt of surprise when he felt flesh meet flesh. Crawford's jaw made a satisfying crunch under his fist. _That'll leave a bruise. Good._

Crawford's head snapped back, and he staggered back three steps before straightening. He made no move to strike back. Instead, he rubbed his jaw and glared at Yohji. "You can manage that once," he said. "I'm not going to let it happen again."

_Did you let it happen this time or did I really surprise you?_ Yohji was breathing hard. His fists were still clenched. _No. As much as I'd enjoy beating the crap out of him-- if I could-- Nagi-san needs him, and that means I need him._ He let his hands fall and turned away.

Yohji could hear Crawford moving behind him. He wondered if he should turn, if Crawford was about to retaliate. _Nagi-san might not object to Crawford hitting me after I hit him first._ He tensed, waiting for a blow to fall.

Nothing happened.

"I believe I have a spare water bottle that I can lend you until Nagi gets back," Crawford said, for all the world as if Yohji hadn't hit him. "I can spare the time to go get it now if you'd like."

_So we're pretending it didn't happen._ Yohji turned back. He couldn't force himself to smile. "A water bottle would be helpful." _Be damned if I thank him._

"I'll go get it then. When I return, I'll be wanting to use the weights." Crawford took a swallow from his own bottle and turned toward the door.

Yohji watched him go and debated going over to the weights himself, just out of spite. Then he shrugged and walked to the treadmill. _No running. I'm not up to that. I'll walk until I'm tired. That'll take a while._

By the time Crawford returned, Yohji had found a rhythm. He was walking quickly and evenly.

Crawford carried two water bottles. He put one down next to the treadmill. "I filled it up for you."

"Thank you," Yohji said grudgingly. He studied Crawford's face, trying to see if there was a bruise coming. _I'd like to think I left a mark._ "Why did you let me hit you?" _I'm not sure I want the answer._

"We're going to run into each other repeatedly," Crawford said. "I'm hoping you won't feel the need to keep hitting me."

_I can't hit Nagi-san. No. I don't want to hit Nagi-san. I want to hit someone._ "I think I can restrain myself." Yohji tried to put some humor into his voice. He thought it sounded forced, but it was better than snarling at the man. _He's right. We're going to keep running into each other. And I can talk to him without setting Nagi-san off. Probably._ "Hitting you doesn't change anything."

"No." Crawford pushed up his glasses. "What are you going to do while Nagi's gone?"

"Nothing interesting." Yohji closed his eyes for a second. Crawford was still there when he opened them again, still looking at him like he expected an answer. "Why does it matter to you?"

"You have freedom of the base," Crawford answered dryly. "Forgive me if that doesn't thrill me."

"What on earth do you think I can do?" Yohji amused himself by picturing a big red button that would cause the base to self destruct. _Only in cartoons._ "I'm not stupid enough to try sabotage." _Or not smart enough. I wouldn't know where it would really hurt. And I'd get caught._ He suppressed a shudder.

"All I know about you, Kudoh, is what Kritiker told me. I don't think that's sufficient any longer."

_Oh, hell. Give him something. It can't hurt. It's not like I'm planning anything._ Yohji shrugged. "More of this. Empathy training. Some reading. If I can manage not to get lost, I'm going to explore." He met Crawford's eyes, challenging. "I need to know my way around. I can't rely on having someone to lead me everywhere."

"Nagi does have other plans for your babysitter, eventually."

_Plans? What plans?_ Yohji suppressed a shudder. "He doesn't like me spending time with her." _He doesn't trust me. No. He wants to be my everything._

Crawford tilted his head to one side, keeping his eyes on Yohji. "Is that true of everyone you spend time with?"

"It's not true of Empath Second Chekree," Yohji admitted. "It was true of Ken." He managed to keep his tone level. "I suspect that it wouldn't be true of you. At least not if you're careful." _And I'm desperate enough to talk to you. I need to talk to someone._ "The problem seems to exist independent of what I do." _That's not entirely true._

"Do you think Nagi will... How to put it? Will his focus ease? Since you came along, he's been paying more attention to my plans. That's a very good thing. I don't want to lose that, but I don't like seeing him obsessed."

_You wouldn't object so much if he were obsessed with someone you picked out. But I forget-- You picked me._ "I hope you're not asking me to change the situation. My life depends on keeping his attention. I doubt you'd protect me from Schuldig." _Or from anyone else. Most people are curious about me, but some of them hate me. Why am I worth hating?_ He tried to meet Crawford's eyes, but the other man was looking over Yohji's shoulder. _Maybe-- That night-- Nagi-san said people died because of me. That might do it._

"I might be persuaded to exert my influence over Schuldig."

Yohji pushed the button to slow the treadmill. _This'll be easier if I'm not moving so fast._ "What do you want? I'm not going to fuck around with going back and forth without saying anything."

"Nagi's taking an interest in the invasion. He's taking an interest in the politics of the High Lord's court. Encourage that. Reward him for working at what needs to be done."

Yohji slowed the treadmill again. "I don't approve of the invasion." _But I'll probably do it. I like staying alive._

"The invasion is inevitable," Crawford said. "There are many worse High Lords, and the next one to find Earth would not be so easy to work with. I Saw it." He looked over Yohji's head, and Yohji thought he was seeing something other than the wall. "I don't think you can imagine how bad it would be."

Yohji stopped the treadmill. _So you say. Why should I believe you?_ He bent, picked up the water bottle and drank. When he finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "You might be surprised." _Do I even care? What does it matter who rules Earth? It's what happens to Weiss that matters, and we're all here._

"I suppose I might. Estet thought that the visions of disaster that their people were having came from the rule of their demonic master. I knew better. That was merely a sideshow. Oh, it would have been bad. It just wouldn't have stopped the Taisken coming. They would have destroyed Earth in putting down Estet's lord. The Taisken don't believe in demons, but they do believe in obliterating powers that might challenge their own."

_I'm not sure I believe in demons, either. Why are you telling me this?_ Yohji simply looked at Crawford.

"I believe in being on the winning side," Crawford said firmly.

Yohji let the silence stretch. Then, at last, he nodded. "I can see the appeal." _I'm tired of losing._ "What makes you think Estet won't fight back with demons?"

Crawford flicked his fingers dismissively. "Estet will spend years trying to rebuild. We gutted the organization. There were a lot of important people at the summoning. They all wanted to be first to pledge their loyalty."

"I remember. I was there." Yohji considered Crawford's words. He had his doubts, but he supposed Crawford knew more about Estet than he did. "If Estet can do it, other people can." He wasn't sure why he was talking to Crawford at all.

"If all goes well, the invasion will be gradual. There will be fighting, in the end, but we'll have people in key positions almost everywhere."

Yohji blinked. "How many years are you talking about?"

"I doubt we'll take more than a decade or two." Crawford shrugged. "We've got time. The High Lord doesn't see time the way the rest of us do. He's effectively immortal, after all. The rest of us will live a lot longer here than we would have on Earth. It wouldn't surprise me if Nagi lives two or three hundred years." His expression sharpened. "Play your cards right, and you can share in his longevity. Assuming he doesn't get bored with you."

_How kind, Crawford, to remind me of how very precarious my position is. What makes you think centuries of this have any appeal?_ "What do you want Nagi-san doing with this invasion? I can't picture him infiltrating anything." _At the forefront of a battle, yes, but not infiltrating._

"I can't make all the day to day decisions. Nagi can't either. We need to find people we can trust to manage agents. Nagi could be useful there. We need people actually from Earth. We have some, but they're not the sort we could most use."

_Oh._ "Kritiker." Yohji tried to wash away the sudden heaviness in his chest with more water.

Crawford nodded. "Among others. It has allies and connections going much farther than you know. We'll have to manage them carefully, at least at first, but they have the reach to be quite useful."

_How can you trust them worth a damn? They sold us. They'll sell anybody. No. Forget Kritiker._ "If I'm going to help you, I want something." Yohji licked his lips. "I may want more than one something."

"That depends on what you deliver." Crawford looked distant.

"Omi. Nagi-san told me he's... not well. I want help for him. Real help. Not Schuldig."

"Tsukiyono has come out of his catatonic state. Being with Fujimiya has helped him. I doubt he's happy about the situation, but he's as well as we can make him."

Yohji concealed his elation with another sip of water. "Physical therapy, then. Some form of exercise. For Ken and Ran, too. There's nowhere for any of them to run to. You know that. Let them see the sun."

"Do you really think you have enough to offer me to buy that?" Crawford raised his eyebrows.

"Apart from keeping Schuldig off my back, that's all I want. I don't give a damn about your invasion." _Though I am not fucking with the High Lord._ "There's nobody back on Earth that I particularly care about, so that part of it leaves me cold."

"I will consider your request." Crawford started to walk away. Almost immediately, he turned back and said, "I expected you to ask for a weapon."

_Yes. I should have asked for that._ Yohji rubbed his wrist and felt the yielding material of the bracer. "I can't wear my watch with these." He held up his arms. _Though Nagi-san said these have space for a wire._ "And Nagi-san already told me you said no." _I would feel better if I had something. Anything._

Crawford pushed his glasses up. "I'm not inclined to make it easier for you to kill."

Yohji's eyes narrowed. _He knows something. He's seen something. Does he think I can't improvise?_ "I'm going to eventually. Nagi-san wants me to." He took a swallow from his water bottle. "Don't worry, unless he's with me, I'll only kill in self defense."

Crawford raised his eyebrows. "So it's when Nagi is with you that I really need to worry? How reassuring."

Yohji shrugged. "You set this up. Very carefully, too. I have no sympathy if it's gotten away from you."

"I need none of your sympathy." Crawford's lips twisted. 

"Good." Yohji ran his fingers through his hair. He hadn't worked hard enough yet to really sweat. _More time on the treadmill, I think, then some katas. I'd like the weights, but he's going to be using them._ "By the way, Crawford-san." Yohji let his voice go cold. "You lied to me. _He_ lied to me, too, but you--" He set his teeth, unwilling to go on.

"Did I?" Crawford looked no more than mildly interested.

Yohji clenched his free hand. The hand holding the water bottle tightened. "Nagi-san said he won't be of age for four years. Omi can't be more than two years older than he is."

"True." Crawford nodded. He still looked completely composed.

"I've been looking at the-- the encyclopedia sort of thing that Nagi-san gave me last night. You lied to me. You couldn't have used Omi instead of me." Yohji raised his chin. "You couldn't have Nagi-san rape Omi, not for another two years."

Crawford shrugged with one shoulder. "So we lied. You never mistook us for anything but what we are. You should have expected us to lie to you."

Yohji couldn't see anything but Crawford's face. If the distance between them hadn't been so great, he'd have tried to hit him again. _Smashing that smug look off his face would be so damn satisfying!_ "Why?" He was proud that the word came out in a conversational tone. "What did you get out of lying to me?"

Crawford took a step toward Yohji then appeared to think better of it and stopped. "We needed your consent, your cooperation."

"My consent?" Yohji couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice. "Like that was consent? It was just as much as if you'd beaten me until I couldn't stop you. Oh, I forgot-- He did that, too." He felt himself shrinking at the memory. The energy of rage was hard to sustain. "I don't see that my 'cooperation' did anything useful."

"If Nagi'd had to smash your resistance every time, he'd have killed you. I don't think it would have been an easy death."

Yohji couldn't help thinking back to those first encounters. _I didn't-- don't-- want to die._ "You didn't have to threaten Omi. Everything you got, you could have gotten without that."

"What about Fujimiya?"

Yohji felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. _Yes. What about Ran? Because it was Omi, he understood. Sort of. He wouldn't understand where I am now._

"If I accede to your demands and let him out of his apartment-- his very comfortable apartment-- you're bound to run into him." Crawford's smile was sharp enough to cut glass. "Do you think you can explain things to him? Will he understand those?" Crawford waved at Yohji's arms.

Yohji raised his chin. "Ran doesn't have to understand." _But he won't, and I can't explain it because I don't dare talk to him. Which he'll see as confirmation that I've sold out._ "I want what I want." _Omi will understand. He can keep Ran in check. But he's only just awake. Will he be able to process it all?_

"I have no desire to see Nagi kill my brother-in-law."

_Liar. You can't stand Ran._ "Nagi-san has promised me that he won't hurt them." _Though all bets are off if he gets jealous._ Yohji rubbed his left wrist and missed the presence of his wire.

"You're likely to be disappointed." Crawford turned away again. 

This time, Yohji let him go.

 

Empath Second Chekree called for Yohji in the late afternoon. He'd waited, alone, in the apartment after returning from the gym. The idea of wandering the complex, trying to learn his way around, was attractive, but he didn't want to risk missing his appointment with his empathy teacher.

Empath Second Chekree waited for him in the shielded practice room. She always seemed to be in the same place exactly.

_As if she doesn't move between sessions. But she has to, right? She can't be living in here._ Yohji bowed to her and waited for her to dismiss Telat.

After Telat had gone, Empath Second Chekree said, "Today, we start learning shielding. You'll be deaf, in terms of your empathy, for two or three days while you learn to hold your shields."

Yohji sat down. He'd learned the hard way that Empath Second Chekree wouldn't invite him to sit. If he waited, he'd be standing through the entire session. "That sounds dangerous."

"Not nearly as dangerous as not learning to shield." She made the sound that he'd come to realize was her laughter. "We have a small window for this, so you must learn quickly. You must be proficient by the time Telekinetic First Naoe returns."

_No empathy with Nagi-san is dangerous._ He couldn't quite suppress a shudder. "It's awfully convenient, him being called away." _Not that I'm saying it was deliberate. I doubt I'm important enough for that._

"Convenient, yes." She waved an arm. "It was bound to happen. He needs to spend more time at court so that he can learn the politics. The timing was simply serendipitous."

_I can use the time to think, too. I desperately need some distance from... all of this. I'm getting lost in keeping him happy._ Yohji nodded. "What do I do?"

"We've already covered telling what is you from what isn't. It's simply a matter of excluding everything that isn't you."

He rubbed his left wrist, looking for the reassurance of his watch. Its absence cut him. _That sounds easy. Except it isn't. Even just knowing what's not me isn't easy._ "How do I do that?"

"Most commonly, people define a space that is them and build a barrier around it. We've talked a little about keeping your emotions where they belong. This relates."

Yohji bit his lip. _And I'm not very good at keeping my emotions in. I... leak._ He tried to visualize himself then decided that seeing wasn't the way to approach it. He closed his eyes and thought about where he was, toes to scalp, fingers to collarbone. He could feel every bit of himself. _A barrier... What sort of barrier?_ He didn't want something awkward or difficult to move around in. _Even if it is all in my head._

He considered. _I need to breathe and see and hear and touch._ He pulled his nascent barrier in so that it barely extended past his skin. _A field, like what Nagi-san does when he doesn't want anything touching him. Just not physical._ He opened his eyes, and his mental feel for himself and his barrier wavered. He suspect that any push against him would shatter the whole thing. _No. It would give like gelatin and smush and fall apart._

He wasn't altogether surprised when the first push came. He tried to force his shield into rigidity to repel the invasion, but that just seemed to weaken other areas. He gasped as Empath Second Chekree's projection swamped him.

"Let me try again," he said when he could speak.

"That is the point."

This time, Yohji tried to picture himself and his barrier as rubbery, yielding but not breaking or allowing penetration. _My self is only kind of congruent with my body. At least, it can shift if it needs to._

When the push came this time, Yohji felt himself bend. _It feels like it's my right arm she's pushing. Shouldn't I feel it in my head?_ He could sense the probe of Empath Second Chekree's projection, but he wasn't experiencing the emotion she was projecting. Part of him wanted to know what she was sending, but he held fast to his image of himself. The push shifted so that he felt it in a different part of his body. "That kind of tickles," he said.

The emotional projection stopped. "Very good," said Empath Second Chekree. "I didn't expect you to get it so quickly. How long do you think you can hold it?"

"I don't know." Yohji's mental image of himself was wavering. "I don't think I can do anything else at the same time. Even just talking--" He lost the sense of himself and shook his head to clear it.

"That will be the next step, then-- Maintaining the shield while talking. Once you can manage that, we will leave this room and walk around. Gradually, you'll do more while you shield until you can manage anything physical." Empath Second Chekree touched Yohji on the arm as if to recall wandering attention. "Recommence."

Yohji took a deep breath and imagined his self congruent with his body. His fingertips tingled. He looked at Empath Second Chekree and said, "What am I supposed to talk about?"

She tapped her face. "Let's see... Tell me about your world, about what you did there before you came here."

"Don't you know all of that?" He thought that might hurt too much to bear.

"I know that your planet exists. I know that you are Telekinetic First Naoe's slave. I know that you are a projective empath. Beyond that, I haven't needed to inquire."

Yohji's hand twitched, and he wished for a cigarette. _If I'm going to talk, I'd be better for a smoke._ "Well... I was a florist, someone who works with cut flowers and plants to make pretty things." Holding his shield while talking was a lot like trying to talk while sparring. "Men would buy flowers from us to give to their girlfriends or wives or mothers." He felt a gentle pressure on his shield. "Girls would buy flowers from us just to have something pretty around. People who were planning big occasions-- weddings, dinners honoring retirees, funerals, that sort of thing-- would have us make arrangements to put on the tables." The pressure increased steadily, and he stopped talking to focus on keeping his shield intact.

"Aesthetics," Empath Second Chekree said. "Those get complicated. I'd be curious to see your work. What was your area of expertise?"

"I did... funeral arrangements." He hesitated, more than a little afraid. _I'm not telling her about the other job. Even among the Taisken, murder is a terrible crime. She'd be shocked, appalled, repelled. She might stop teaching me._ His sense of himself quivered, and he thought he might be leaking his emotions. He swallowed hard and focused on maintaining his shields.

Empath Second Chekree made a noise that didn't translate. She tapped Yohji on the arm. "Focus, Kudoh."

He took a deep breath. "Funerals seemed appropriate. People I care about tend to die."

"A misfortune."

There was a sudden, hard jab at Yohji's shield. He flinched and pushed back.

"No." Empath Second Chekree rapped him on the arm. "Shield only. We get to offensive techniques after you can protect yourself."

Yohji gulped, nodded and closed his eyes. _I can do this. I have to do this. What was I talking about? Oh._ "Flowers are fade and die so quickly. We had to work fast, and we always knew that what we made wouldn't last." He hesitated. Talking about flowers was harder than he'd expected. _Nobody's ever really been interested before._ "I'm curious about the flowers on the High Lord's worlds." _And other worlds. How odd to think of more than one world!_

"My people mostly view flowers as food. There are some that are beautiful and not edible, but they're judged aesthetically inferior." She tapped on his shield, here and there. "Flower arrangement is a culinary art form for us."

"I'd be curious to learn more about that." Yohji closed his eyes as he tried to focus on keeping both his shields and the conversation going. "I don't know which of the flowers I worked with would be edible for you. I don't even know which ones are edible by humans." He cast about for something further to say. "Women wear floral scents as perfumes frequently. They think it makes them more attractive."

"Interesting." She left off the tapping and stabbed at the heart of his shielded self, breaking through.

Yohji flinched. If he'd been standing, he'd have fallen. As it was, he simply gripped the chair and forced himself to stay upright.

"I do wonder, though, what florists might have done to come to the attention of a man like Precognitive Second Crawford. He seems unlikely to value aesthetics, particularly ephemeral ones."

Yohji fidgeted in his seat. _I should have known she'd see that._ "I suppose he noticed us because of Aya. Her brother worked with me."

"And he kidnapped all four of you for that? Permit me to doubt. He had a reason to take all of you, or he'd simply have taken his brother-in-law and Potential Hidaka."

Yohji felt his shields waver. They quivered and started to melt. _Potential Hidaka? Ken, what does Crawford want from you?_ He realized with some guilt that he hadn't really thought through the implications of Ken's visit to Nagi's apartment. _They need something from you. What? It must be big to merit the 'Potential' title. Do I dare ask? I don't dare not, and Nagi-san won't tell me._ "Potential Hidaka?"

"Focus." Empath Second Chekree rapped Yohji's arm again. "Potential Hidaka might become a first tier precognitive. He has promised to swear to the High Lord if he survives."

Yohji's shielding fell away altogether. _Ken!_ He knew he was projecting, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. 

"Kudoh! Control yourself!"

Yohji twisted in his chair then took a deep breath. "Ken's being practical," he said, exhaling slowly. _I can keep this in. I can._

Empath Second Chekree made the movement that Yohji'd come to recognize as her shrug. "His odds are not good, but the High Lord believes he will succeed, and, on such matters, the High Lord is seldom wrong."

Yohji closed his eyes and focused on keeping his fear for Ken, tangled as it was with his fear for himself, with his fear for all of them, inside. _But this is the sort of information I was hoping I'd get from her. She knows more than I do about what's going on._

"I still doubt," she said, "that Precognitive Second Crawford would have abducted two extra 'florists.' I doubt, too, that four young men working together in such a job would care quite so much about each other as the four of you do. This sort of bond comes with shared danger or prolonged contact. You're not old enough for it to be prolonged contact. Unless-- Are you lovers?"

Yohji's rejection of that idea broke his control again. "No!" _Nagi-san would kill them!_

"Shield. You need to be able to hold that no matter what." Empath Second Chekree twitched her forelimbs. "What is it that ties you together so strongly?"

Yohji set his jaw and carefully reconstructed his shield. _The hell with it._ "We killed together," he admitted. "We hunted down those the law couldn't touch and made sure their crimes ended." He studied Empath Second Chekree, wondering what she made of this. _I'm a murderer many times over. I make no apologies. Damn! I wish I could read her._ "I used a wire to strangle people. The others all had their own particular weapons."

"Such a weapon would be ineffective against me," Empath Second Chekree observed without apparent emotion. She pushed hard against Yohji's defenses. 

When that attack bounced back, there was a pause, a lull. Then Yohji felt an almost smothering pressure. It wasn't immediately heavy, but it pressed in from all directions, creeping over his body, seeking out weak points.

"Keep talking."

"The organization we worked for-- Kritiker-- called the criminals 'dark beasts,' and they were. Killers and... drug manufacturers... and kidnappers... and evil. I know evil." Yohji couldn't stop a full body twitch as he tried to cope with being touched everywhere at once. "Selling children. Selling women. Setting desperate men to killing each other." _Does she believe me? Why isn't she appalled? Maybe she is, and she's just not saying so. Is that what she's projecting at me?_

"You'll have to overcome this physical reaction to having your shields tested. You look like you have a seizure disorder."

"Cut me some slack," Yohji protested. _Though why I'd expect it when she never does..._ "I've never done this before."

"Hm. Did you find your work satisfying?"

"Which work? Day job or night job?"

"Either. Both. They seem very different."

"The flowers were okay. We all liked them fairly well. There weren't any-- Well, I suppose that's not accurate. It's just that flower emergencies aren't life or death. Flowers mean something to people, but it's all good. Even for funerals, flowers are a good thing." He struggled to think of something further to say about flowers. _I never really gave them my full attention._ He rubbed a hand along the side of his face, trying to erase an itch that came purely from his shields.

"And the night job?"

"It was a job. After a while, you stop paying a lot of attention. It's all routine. I mean, it's life and death, but you've done it all before. One death is very like another. And it never seemed to make a lot of difference. There were always more creeps ready to replace the old ones." Yohji wasn't even certain what he was saying.

"You're doing well," Empath Second Chekree said. "Let us continue. What did you do with your time when you weren't working?"

 

Back in the apartment, Yohji tried to relax. He kept having to re-establish his shields, and he almost gave up on them. _There's nothing in here to shield against._ But Empath Second Chekree had been adamant that he learn to keep his shields up constantly.

"Make it a habit," she had said, "and they'll even stay up when you're asleep. You're very vulnerable then."

He had dinner and took a long bath. He spent a lot of time following connections in the encyclopedia Nagi had given him. It was a small device, about the size of Yohji's fist. It responded to voice commands and projected an image of text into the air. Each article linked to dozens more, and it was easy to get lost in the names and facts. _I have no idea what's important._ Some articles, like the one about the High Lord, were so full of propaganda as to be effectively useless. _I need to know whether or not I can trust his word, not where he was born or who his favorite poet is._

When he couldn't stand the encyclopedia any more, he looked through Nagi's movies and books. There were a lot of movies, and he knew that Nagi hadn't watched all of them. _Does he just buy every action movie? Some of them aren't even in Japanese. How many languages does he know?_ He squinted at the text on one case as if that would make the words make sense. The books interested him less, but he suspected they said more about who Nagi was. _Non-fiction, adventure stories. Explorers, anthropologists and the like. And he's interested in history, our history._ He found  Kon Tiki among the books but couldn't bring himself to touch it. 

_Too many memories. Too close to Schuldig._ He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands against his legs. _Not that it would have mattered if I was somewhere else in the cell right then. No. Think about something else._ Just thinking about Schuldig made his shields harden and crack. He took a minute to smooth them out, make them resilient again. He swallowed hard, trying to ease his sudden nausea. _I'll have to face him eventually. Nagi-san misses him._

He considered trying to get into the computer system. Nagi had shown him the terminal and how to call it forth from the table and how to dismiss it again. Yohji just wasn't sure what he could do with the computer. _I don't suppose there are games on there. Maps. There must be a map of the base. I could memorize it. That would help._

He put down the book he was holding and went over to the table where the computer was hidden. He stood looking at it for a long moment. He clenched his hands, trying to tell himself that they weren't shaking. There was a tiny pad recessed into the edge of the table. Yohji pressed his thumb against it, and the computer assembled itself in front of him. _Let's see if this really works._ He lifted the machine from the table, carried it to the couch and sat down.

_That's the power on button, I think._ He took a deep breath and released it slowly. His heart was beating fast. _What happens if I break it? I won't. I won't. No, it's just a thing. He'd just replace it. And I won't break it._ He pressed the button and waited.

The computer whirred to life. It took no more than five seconds before there was a little blinking light asking for Yohji's login. Yohji hesitated, trying to find the right keys. _Not that they're quite keys. That one there. And that one._ He wasn't a touch typist on a normal keyboard, and nothing here was where he expected it to be. His fingers felt clumsy, and he wondered if he should stop to do some finger exercises. _No. That's just putting it off. There!_

After logging in, he stared at the screen, unsure what to do next. _Nagi-san said I could explore._ He spread his fingers and rested them gently against the screen. The cursor shifted, bouncing from finger to finger. He snatched back his hand. _Right. Don't do that._ He was looking at a text menu. _Music? That's possible. But it's probably all weird. Games? I didn't expect that. It would fill some time, but they're not exactly useful. Forums?_ He tapped the screen over the word. A new menu appeared, a list of discussion categories. They were broad, things like 'music' and 'fiction' and 'Earth customs.'

He tapped on Earth customs. A list of countries came up. He deliberately ignored Japan, tapping instead on United States. _Holidays. Curses and slang. Food. Different regions. Popular culture._ He wandered through the categories and started reading discussions about swearing in American English. After a few minutes, he backed out of that and looked at holidays. Halloween and Thanksgiving both had a lot of discussion. He followed some threads through then backed out of the section on Earth customs. _That's not telling me anything useful._

He sat back and rubbed his face. _There's so much here, and most of it is useless. It won't tell me where the guys are or how to get us all out of here._ He doubted that he had access to anything that would tell him the things he really wanted to know. _But, if I am stuck here, this is all good stuff to know._ He swallowed hard then inhaled through his nose. _And I don't see a way out._ He felt himself shaking and was glad there was no one to see. _Nagi-san wouldn't like that. Anyway, just because I can't see a way out now doesn't mean there isn't a one._

He stood up and walked over to the aquarium. He stared at the fish for a long time. "I need to talk to someone," he told the fish. "But there isn't anyone. Even if I could drink, there's nobody I could take out for a drink and no bar-- Well, maybe there is one. People need things like that, and this place is pretty big. But even if I found a bar, I wouldn't dare go there. Nagi-san wouldn't like it."

He glanced at the clock. It wasn't even nine o'clock yet, and he didn't feel tired. He was tempted to go to bed anyway. _At least sleep makes sense._ He addressed the fish again. "I've got time to think. I ought to use it. It's just dangerous." He took a deep breath and released it slowly. He glanced back at the computer. "I wanted to find maps. They must be in there somewhere." He nodded firmly. "I'll do that and then go to bed. I wish I could print the maps out. There must be a way to do that. He just didn't tell me. Maybe Telat can explain it."

He closed his eyes for a moment then went into the kitchen for a glass of water. When he came back, he sat down by the computer again. He clenched his hands then flicked his fingers out, stretching them as far as they could go. "That's right. Let's do this."


End file.
